Woodentop Woodrow and Her Royal Highness

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Posted: Wed Mar 15, 2006 8:59 pm

Extracted from the daily annals of Scambaiters at Yahoo Groups:

Enter an optimistic Mr Brant Woodrow, conservationist, family man and sub standard scamboy (all following messages will begin with the reply by HRH and supporting cast)

>From: Brant Woodrow <[email protected]>
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>Subject: Brant Woodrow's Email.
>Date: Fri, 17 Feb 2006 05:27:10 +0100 (GMT+01:00)
>MIME-Version: 1.0
>X-Originating-IP: 62.56.146.149
>Received: from vsmtp2.tin.it ([212.216.176.222]) by
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>(7.2.060.1) id 43EA4D8D0064D7F9; Fri, 17 Feb 2006 05:27:43 +0100
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>FILETIME=[86D9B880:01C6337A]
>
>Hello
>I pray you receive the email
>I really want to make new
>friends in Nigeria.
>I am a staff of the U.K High Commission.
>I have
>been working at the Consule in Canada.
>I was posted to Nigeria in
>December 2005.
>I have really enjoyed my stay over here.
>Have you
>been to Abuja?
>The Capital of Nigeria is unique,Though I am yet to
>make friends outside the Diplomatic community.
>I have really
>enjoyed the Country and the people have diverse Culture and are
>hardworking.
>I really miss my family and friends in Canada.My Wife
>Tessy has been calling me.
>She works for a Telecommunication firm in
>Nova Scotia. I want her to visit me next month
>I also want you to
>apply for the Inteegrated U.K Visa programme.
>It is meant for
>working class and people with previous working experince
>Send your
>Full name ,age ,date of birth ,height ,weight,evidence of previous
>working experince and academic qualification.
>Send it as a
>comprehensive resume.
>Send it through [email protected]
>Reply and tell me more about Nigeria ,the people and your
>immediate Environment.
>I want to meet new people and learn more
>about the people of Nigeria.
>My contact phone at The High
>commission is 08036743028.
>Regards
>Brant Woodrow
>woodrow@woodrowworld.
>com
>[email protected]
>

Dear Mr Woodworm

I am familiar with the High Commission you mention from past visits, some
years back now and what charming whist partners were to be found there.
Does Mr Abacha still work there? He was quite a demon on a double rubber.
But I am not sure this was meant for me, although your claim seems
intriguing. Have we been introduced somewhere? In event I cannot possible
send out personal details like this, will nilly over the net without some
sort of guarantee as to your discretion.

MARGARET

Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret VC, Duchess of Great Tesco, Stewardess
of Llareggub, Prioress of Lotto,
Room 101
The Royal Les Dawson Suite
Kensington Doss House,
Buckingham
London
FU2 GlT
44 870 751 5170

Posted: Wed Mar 15, 2006 9:02 pm

Dear Mr Woodrunt

Very well, apologies accepted. Now then. What exactly do you expect from us? This
is all very irregular.

MARGARET

>From: "Brant Woodrow" <[email protected]>
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: Woodrow's Email.
>Date: Fri, 17 Feb 2006 23:11:47 +0000
>
>
>
>Hello H.R.H
>
>I am sorry for sending the email to you.
>
>I am really sorry.
>
>I wanted to familiarise myself with you.
>
>I work as a consultant with U.K High commission
>
>I am not a permanent staff.
>
>We study the extent of Pollution in the oil producing area of Nigeria
>
>We consult for Royal/Dutch Shell
>
>I have really enjoyed my stay over here.
>
>It is not unussual to make friends with Royalty .
>
>I am very glad to email you.
>
>I "ll appreciate a response.
>
>regards
>
>Brant Woodrow
>
>
>
>
>

Posted: Wed Mar 15, 2006 9:04 pm

Dear Mr Woodworm

I am greatly flattered by the offer. As it happens I do take a great
interest in such matters, being Patron of the Smegaroon Fund for Nature
making contributions through my Charitable office, here under Lonslo Tossov.
Naturally I am slightly hesitant in the first instance, as neither I nor my
staff have heard of you or your organisation, and hope you will excuse this
ignorance. Do you have prospectus you could send to us?

MARGARET

>From: "Brant Woodrow." <[email protected]>
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: Princess Margaret <[email protected]>
>Subject: Her Royal Highness
>Date: Thu, 23 Feb 2006 16:01:40 +0000 (GMT)
>MIME-Version: 1.0
>Received: from web27306.mail.ukl.yahoo.com ([217.146.177.167]) by
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>Feb 2006 08:01:43 -0800
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>Received: from [62.56.146.149] by web27306.mail.ukl.yahoo.com via HTTP;
>Thu, 23 Feb 2006 16:01:40 GMT

> ;
>Return-Path: [email protected]
>X-OriginalArrivalTime: 23 Feb 2006 16:01:43.0902 (UTC)
>FILETIME=[7102AFE0:01C63892]
>
>Hello H.R.H Princess Margaret.
> I am happy we're getting on a fine note.
> I run a conservation programme for Oil producing Communities in
>Nigeria.
> The essence is to preserve the second largest rain forest in the
>world ,NigerDelta rain forest.
> It is home to Huge Multinational oil firm.
> There are cases of oil spillage which destroy acquatic life and fauna
>of the area.
> I have already reached out in many places.
> Our effort is eing felt by the host communities.
> I want you to be our patron.
> It will help boost our image .Oil companies will take us serious.
> Tell me what you think about it.
> Regards
> Brant Woodrow
>

Posted: Wed Mar 15, 2006 9:14 pm

Dear Mr Woodrow

How kind of you to reply so promptly and to send some images of yourself and
lovely family. Please give them my warmest regards.

I am sure that we can look into paying you a little visit sometime in the
not too distant future. Prince Charles is not the only one at the Palace
with a real and abiding interest in environmental concerns, I can assure you
of that. As it happens I have a royal tour planned for a couple of months
ahead, the itinerary of which might easily be arranged to accomodate such a
change. Are there are any decent hotels near where you are, that I can ask
Sir Marmite, our TLO (Travel Liaison Officer) to investigate? Nothing too
native and vulgar would be just the thing, perhaps with residents golf
course, if I may be so presumptious?

Kind regards

MARGARET

>From: "Brant Woodrow" <[email protected]>
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: Hello Your Highness
>Date: Sat, 25 Feb 2006 00:17:34 +0000
>Hello H.R.H Princess Margaret.
>
>I really appreciate the email.The name of the agency is Woodrow
>Conservation Africa.
>
>We are directly involved with the community.I reside in the Niger Delta
>area.
>
>I live with the people in the community and know the pains they feel.
>
>We have a online website.Though we'll still improve the
>site.WWW.woodrowworld.com
>
>All I need is your support and Guidance.
>
>What we intend is to preserve as much virgin land as possble.
>
>If the Niger Delta forest is depleted,It will affect the weather
>condition of the whole world.
>
>Contact our offrice Warri Delta State on 2348036743028.
>
>We also have an office in PortHarcourt phone 234-80-37906437 .
>
>I will send my family pics to you.
>
>Maybe you'll make arrangement to come over here.
>
>As the Patron of Smegaroon Fund for
>Nature we can also accept articles and books on other Similar groups all
>over the world.
>
>Your Highness I hope you'll really visit this place sometime.
>
>Send any article or any material or correspondence through.
>
>Address Woodrow Conservation Initiative for NigerDelta.Care of Mr Emeka
>Igwebuike
>
>10 Edinburgh Road Enugu,Nigeria
>
>Regards
>
>We also have account with Intercontinental Bank Nigeria Account Holder
>Reynolds Linson,Account Number 0038234467215
>
>I'll appreciate the response
>Brant Woodrow

Posted: Wed Mar 15, 2006 9:17 pm

Dear Mr Woodworm

How delightful to hear from you people again and to learn of all the local
hostelries, the details of which I have passed on to my staff for
evaluation. We surely hope to be in your part of the world soon.

I attach a some shots of myself taken lately as asked. I have more formal
ones but I appear more likeable in these, at least as I am assured by my
niece Candice.

You ask me about my views on our muslim friends around the world, well I can
assure you that I hold them in the highest regards, a fact I emphasised
incidentally when I had an extended interview with Mr Abu Hamza, the well
known imman here from Smegaroon province a few weeks ago, in which he
stressed how harmless he was.

Please keep me informed on how your little enivironmental projects come
along. I am keen to encourage such work and the spread of nature and if you
would find it useful I can look to sending over a consignment of fertilizer
now and again from the Horse Guard stables.

Very best wishes

MARGARET

>From: "Brant Woodrow." <[email protected]>
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: Princess Margaret <[email protected]>
>Subject: Re: To Mr Woodrow
>Date: Mon, 27 Feb 2006 19:11:32 +0000 (GMT)

> I am very happy for the reply.
> How is life over there?
> My wife is so happy to know about you.
> Can you send me atleast a picture of you?
> I want to enlarge it and keep at my house.
> I will forever appreciate such rare gift.
> Alternatively you can send it through post or attach it to this
>email address.
> We can be really happy to have you over here.
> We have already found two hotels in the Nigerdelta.
> One is Ogeyi Le Meridien in PortHarcourt Rivers State.
> You can also stay at the Grand Hotel Asaba in Delta State.
> Both of them are five star hotel.
> When you'll visit Abuja ,There are Sheraton Abuja and Transcorp
>Hilton Formerly Nicon Noga Hilton,
> We have already started preparation for your visit.
> Tell us any natural gift or a tree or plant or Bird we might get
>for you.
> We have lots of them in This area.remenber it has the second
>largest rain forest in the world.The NigerDelta Rain forest.
> Her Highness Kindly tell me your opinion on the demonstrations and
>destruction caused by muslims around the world.
> I think this is a defining moment for freedom of speech in the
>world.
> It will help to establish free speech and access to information.
> I am really happy to send the email.
> I hope to get a response from you.
> from my family we wish you well.
> Regards
> Brant Woodrow
>

Posted: Wed Mar 15, 2006 9:19 pm

Dear Mr Woodrow

How charming to hear from you again and see the images of your young family.

I am naturally very flattered to hear that one of the name you have chosen
is my own, by way of tribute, and I am highly touched by such a gesture I
can assure you.

Thank you for the interest in the manure from the Horse Guards, and I will
be able to let you know how much and when it can be spared shortly. We have
found that the diet of many of the horses, feed specifically on hay and
suagr beet from our estates in Royal Wankershire ensures that their manure
is of very high quality, the benefits of which I am sure you are very
familiar in your line of work.

I will have a look and see if I can find a larger picture. In the meantime I
attach one which was taken only recently, showing me relaxing at home.

I am greatly impressed by your work on local environmental issues, indeed I
have drawn the attention of our chief horticulturalist, Mr Howard Marks, a
very nice man, to your dedication and achievements. He has a smallholding of
his own which has never the less attracted some attention from the
authorities.

Your request from funding has rather caught us on the hop I am afraid. While
we are not unsympathetic to your work, you must understand that I cannot
dispense such amounts willy nilly, and any charitable donations require a
degree of protocol and administration, which I suspect you may not wish to
be bothered with. For instance, you would be required to sign an Oath of
Temporary Allegiance to the House of Windsor in the light of any such
extraordinary business, and you may feel this will prove too much bother.

But please advise, and I shall see what I can do to speed up such a process
if of interest.

Kind regards

MARGARET

>From: "Brant Woodrow" <[email protected]>
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: Princess Margaret
>Date: Fri, 03 Mar 2006 10:16:13 +0000

>
>
>I am very happy to hear from you.
>
>The pictures you sent is a delight. [Actually of UK soap star Julie Goodyear]>
>I really appreciate it.I intend to enlarge it.
>
>Maybe you can send a larger picture.
>
>My wife was delivered of a baby Gilr.I have a new addition to my
>family.
>
>I will name her Margeret in your Honour.
>
>I'll send her pictures to you.
>
>This week has been hactic for us over here.We succeded in stopping a
>oil service company from devastating a picturesque virgin forest in
>Bayelsa within the NigerDelta.
>
>We told the firm that there are other places to build such
>project.They have agreed to site the project at another place.I
>Believe it is a success on our part.
>
>The oil producing producing communities has also started to
>appreciate our effort.
>
>Infact it was due to our role that made some of the
>Multinationals to reduce the rampant dumping of waste and indiscriminate
>oil pollution in the NigerDelta area.
>
>Though a lot still has to be done.Her Highness you need to come and
>see this for your self.I am being encouraged daily by the
>improvement I see.
>
>On tuesday we held a meeting with some local Chiefs and Traditional
>rulers,They really encouraged us.
>
>Our group is the only people that go right inside the community to
>seek ways of uplifting them and their environment.
>
>We should all put hands together to secure the environment and
>preserve nature.
>
>We'll appreciate you send the fertilizer.We really need such things
>over here.
>
>It will help improve their agriculture and soil nutrient imput largely
>destroyed by the Pollution in the area.
>
>Send it using the name of our Manager.
>
>Woodrow Conservative Initiative
>
>Mr Chukwuemeka Igwebuike
>
>10 Edinburgh Road Enugu
>
>Enugu State Nigeria.
>
>We'll make effort to clear it from the ports.
>
>We also request you send us $9,000.00 for the clearing.
>
>Her Highness you should also tell us the amount of financial support
>we can receive from you on a yearly basis.
>
>Kindly send us the $9,000.00 for support to our programme for now.
>
>Send them through western Union.Send both money separately.
>
>Receiver Mr Emeka Igwebuike
>
>First Bank Nigeria
>
>Enugu Branch.
>
>We really need your support and encouragement
>
>Our member also wish to extend their regard.They really appreciate
>your support and encouragement.Almighty God will surely bless you and
>the Royal family.
>
>From time to time I'll update you on our effort.
>
>From my family and Woodrow Conservative Initiative
>
>We wish you well.
>
>
>Brant Woodrow

Posted: Wed Mar 15, 2006 9:20 pm

>From: "Brant Woodrow." <[email protected]>
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: My Daughter's Pictures
>Date: Fri, 3 Mar 2006 11:37:49 +0000 (GMT)

>This is the pictures of Brooke.
> Her second name is Margaret given in your honour.
> I have more collections.
> I'll send them later on.My wife also send her regards.
> She was joking the Brooke Margaret was of the same size with the
>rosaling teddy beside her in the second picture.
> My wife is also getting on well after the safe delivery.
> Regards
> Brant Woodrow
>
>
>

Posted: Wed Mar 15, 2006 9:22 pm

Dear Mr Woodrow

We would be delighted to make a modest contribution to your little project,
especially in the light of your kindness.

However is there not a bank account I can ask my people to use? It would be
more secure and I am sure that your Mr. Ingwanke would not object to the
reduce risk of such a procedure.

MARGARET

Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret VC, Duchess of Great Tesco, Stewardess
of Llareggub, Prioress of Lotto,
Room 101
The Royal Les Dawson Suite
Kensington Doss House,
Buckingham
London
FU2 GlT
44 870 751 5170

>From: "Brant Woodrow" <[email protected]>
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: Her Royal Highness
>Date: Tue, 07 Mar 2006 00:08:44 +0000
>
>
>Hello Her Highness
>
>I am very happy to receive the email.
>
>The picture is a delight.
>
>Pictures of Royalthy are different from ordinary pics.
>
>I am epecting information concerning when the manure from the Horse
>Guards will be ready.
>
>You have already assured that they have high nutrition content.
>
>We'll be happy to receive them over here.
>
>Within the last week ,we have been continuing on the project.
>
>I addressed a community in Rivers State within the NigerDelta.
>
>The meeting was fascilitated by the Traditional ruler.
>
>I told them ,That I am ready to die in order to safeguard their
>environment.They were very happy with out team and promised to give us
>support.
>
>They later took us round the community and we inspected the river and
>forests destroyed by oil pollution.It was awful.
>
>We have also succeded in reconciling some oil producing communities with
>some Oil firms and this has attracted developmental project in the
>area.
>
>When you come over here in NigerDelta.You'll see what will encourage
>you to do more.
>
>On the issue of Money.
>
>Her Highness you can send only $9000 for now.
>
>We really need it for the continuation of the project.
>
>We'll really appreciate receiving the money within this week or next week.
>
>I never wanted to bother you with it,But it is very important I tell
>you want we need.The Members of Woodrow Conservative Initiative will
>forever be grateful to you.The money will also go a long way in
>improving the environment and restoring what has almost been destroyed.
>
>My wife also send her regards to you.Our Little daughter Brooke
>Margaret is also getting on fine.
>
>Her Highness the information for sending the money is through western
>Union Money Transfer.
>
>Receiver Our Manager Mr. Chukwuemeka Igwebuike
>
>First Bank Nigeria [Western Union]
>
>Enugu Branch
>
>We'll be expecting to hear from you.
>
>We are also planning a grand easter enlightenement programme.
>
>It will be on air and we'll try to reach out to some other communities in
>NigerDelta that are devastated by destroying of virgin forest, oil
>pollution, excessive lumbering and killing of rare animals.
>
>The team will always keep you abreast of the day to day activities.
>
>Her Highness, From my family and woodrow Conservative Initiative.
>
>We wish you well.
>
>Kind Regards
>
>Brant Woodrow

Posted: Wed Mar 15, 2006 9:23 pm

Dear Mr Woodworm

How delightful to hear from you again. We are considering your suggestion of
using Western Union very carefully as we are keen to see you get what is
coming to you and as quickly as possible.

First of all, who is this Mr Igwebuike? Is he an associate of yours? I am
worried that the fellow may make off with the money before it reaches your
hands as I know what it is like out there.

It has been suggested here that perhaps a personal representative might make
the journey and deliver our largesse in person. Is that amenable to you?

As far as the nuclear standoff is concerned, the whole situation is
dreadful. I can assure you that if we still out there running things none of
this silly nonsense would ever occur.

MARGARET

>From: "Brant Woodrow." <[email protected]>
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: Princess Margaret <[email protected]>
>Subject: Her Royal Highness
>Date: Thu, 9 Mar 2006 00:45:23 +0000 (GMT)

>
>
> Hello Her Highness
> I am very delighted to read from you once more.
> The issue of sending money through bank account is not the best.
> The banking system over here is not the best.
> It will take time and might not reach us.
> It is better you send it through western Union
> It will reach us the same day you sent it.
> Send it through
> Mr Emeka Igwebuike.
> Western Union
> Frist Bank Nigeria
> Enugu Nigeria
> With this information the money will reach us.
> Send the codes for withdrawal.
> I called your phone and left a message on the voice recorder.
> We want to send some pictures and other documents concerning our
>activities periodically to you.It will help you appreciate our effort
>over here.
> I hope you'll receive it through the contact address above.
> What is your opinion about the nuclear standoff between Iran and other
>western World?
> My wife also send her regards
> From my family and Woodrow Conservative Initiative.
> We wish you well
> Kind Regards
> Brant Woodrow

Posted: Wed Mar 15, 2006 9:24 pm

Dear Mr Woodrow

My apologies for getting your name wrong, please blame my eyesight. Sadly it
is not what it was and when I dictate these messages quickly as I do on the
run as it where between state appointments, things can often go awry.

We fully appreciate that both Mr Igwebuike and Mr Arso are favoured and
trusted employees of Woodrow Conservative Initiative. However I am sure that
you will appreciate our legitimate concerns of such a risky transfer.
Suppose there are unreliable natives at the WU office, pilfering accounts
and financial arrivals? One can never be too sure. In view of these
uncertainties we still stongly favour a proper bank transfer or, better
still, a hand to hand exchange of monies. Incidentally would you accept
golden dorks?

As regards to your enquiry about my relationship with the royal families of
europe, yes there is certainly some blood kinship as I am sure you are
aware. I am second cousin to Prince Lautfart of Denmark for instance, and
aunt to Princess Candice Bruzelsprowt of the proud Walloon nation.

Please give my love to your little daughter and we hope she is well and we
eagerly look forward to receiving more pictures.

As for the fertilizer, I must admit this had rather slipped my mind. How
much of it would you like? I have now spoken to Lord Cardigan of the Light
Brigade and he says that he can perhaps spare a small container load, as
they keep a good back supply for the palace rhubarb and what not.

In any case please let me know.

I am delighted to hear that your friends and colleagues are committed
christians. I myself firmly believe in a moral attitude to life, and indeed
attend the Guy Fawkes chapel here on a regular basis, a place where,
thankfully, religious pagentry is not blown up out of all proportion.

Kindest regards,

MARGARET

>From: "Brant Woodrow" <[email protected]>
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: Her Royal Highness
>Date: Sat, 11 Mar 2006 22:56:19 +0000

>
>Hello Her Highness
>
>I just got the email right now
>
>I am very happy to receive it.
>
>Mr Igwebuike is staff of Woodrow Conservative Initiative
>
>He is a trusted ,committed and hardworking man.
>
>However our Financial director Mr Joel Richard Ano is now in town.
>
>Send the money through western Union
>
>Receiver is Mr Joel Richard Ano
>
>Frist Bank Nigeria
>
>Enugu Branch.
>
>Nobody will abscond with the money.
>
>I'll be expecting it next week.
>
>I'll send you more pictures later on.
>
>You pronounce my name wrongly.'Woodworm' instead of Woodrow
>
>What is your relationship with other Royal family in
>spain,Monaco,Belgium,sweden,Denmark and The Netherlands?
>
>My Daughter Brooke Margaret is develping very fast.She is my little angel.
>
>Her mother is also getting on with her life.
>
>Some of our members are committed Christians and are observing the
>Lenten period with seriousness.We have a lul in our activities. Though we
>are continuing with some serious programme.
>
>You have not said anything concerning the fertilizer.
>
>Her Highness send the money next week.As we'll be expecting it.
>
>From my family and Woodrow Conservative Intiative.
>
>God bless and continue to encourage you on the good works
>
>Regards
>
>Brant
>
>
>
>

Posted: Wed Mar 15, 2006 9:25 pm

>From: "Charles Farnes-Barnes" <[email protected]>
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: WOODROW/PRINCESS MARGARET March 15
>Date: Wed, 15 Mar 2006 09:45:25 +0000
>KREPLACH BROTHERS MERCHANT BANK INTERNATIONAL PLC
>
>69 TAGHOLM AVENUE LONDON WC1 FU2
>
>From the Office of Lord Charles Farnes-Barnes VC
>
>
>
>15 March 2006
>
>Dear Mr Woodrow
>
>I act for Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret who informs me that she
>wishes to send you a gift of five hundred golden dorks.
>
>Please let me know as soon as possible:
>
>a. The name, address, account number and Swift Code of your bank.
>
>b. If you would prefer the cash in golden dorks, Turkish lira or South
>African rand.
>
>c. Whether this transaction is ad valorem ad vimto with respect to the
>transfer of funds as regulated in the Anglo Nigerian Finance Act of 1998. A
>simple declaration affirming this is so will suffice.
>
>If you have any queries, do not hesitate to call me on my private telephone
>number [0]1438869665.
>
>Yours truly,
>
>Lord Charles Farnes-Barnes

Posted: Wed Mar 15, 2006 9:26 pm

>From: "Brant Woodrow." <[email protected]>
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: Princess Margaret Date: Tue, 14 Mar 2006 23:52:26 +0000 (GMT)
> Hello Her Highness
> This is some of the picturtes
> You should take delight in watching the last one.
> It was taken in a community we helped to restore from pollution.
> We also encourage the oil producing community to plant trees
> For every tree felled another one should be planted to replace it.
> The other pictures is with my wife and our daughter.
> I will send other ones now.
> Her Highness,I know your agitation about sending funds through bank.
> Over here in Nigeria.It is almost impossible to send money from bank to
>bank especially from overseas.
> I met one of my friend who is a banker and told him about it.
> He said that I should convince you to send it through western union.
> In Nigeria western Union is the preffered way of sending money quickly.
> Her Highness you can always give the money to any of your assistance
>to send through western Union
> The western Union staff will give the person some secret code for
>withdrawal.
> You'll now get the codes across to me.
> We'll use it to collect the funds on the same day it was sent.
> I have told you about this from the beginning.
> I will be expecting it before the weeks runs out.
> Do you have any role to play in the Commonwealth?
> The British left a lot of good legacy to Humanity.
> Over here ,Nigerians believe that the Bristish Colonialist left the
>country very early.
> They seems to regret why power was given to Local politicians.
> They blame the politicians for the poverty,unemployment and failure of
>government and corruption.
> However I believe the British have done their best.It is left for every
>country to salvage their people.
> I will attach more pictures for your delight.
> Best wishes
> Brant Woodrow
> WOODROW CONSERVATION INITIATIVE

Posted: Wed Mar 15, 2006 9:28 pm

Sir,

I have the honour to write to you in response to a request by the honoured patron of our regiment, HRH Princess Margaret.

She has instructed me to make available to you an amount of fine grade horse manure from our regimental stables in order to assist your environmental campaign in Africa.

I will be obliged, sir, if you could either instruct me or the mess adjutant
here, that is Sgt Major O'Rorke Drift, as to the exact address for this
despatch. Also, do you wish the droppings bagged up by the men or loose?

Advise at your earliest convenience and I will order the start of this
operation at once.

I remain, sir,

Colonel James Thomas Brudenell DSM
7th Earl of Cardigan
Commander of Light Horse Brigade
Tennyson Barracks
600 Rode Inn Valley
Smegaroon, UK
UR1 GIT

Posted: Wed Mar 15, 2006 9:29 pm

Dear Woodrow

Many thanks for the extra images you have just sent. May I compliment you on
what a fresh and intelligent family you possess? By way of return, I attach
a couple more of myself, one taken just last week at the gates to the palace
as it happens.

I know that Cardigan has written to you in regards to the fertiliser
consignment and trust that it will be all in order to make delivery soon.
You can imagine that storage of such noxious material, once retrieved, can
be a problem, especially with all the tourists we have here, gadding about
the place!

We are still very unsure about the issue of using Western Union. Have you
thought about the other suggestions we made last message? They would be far
more satisfactory, I can assure you of that.

In regards to your question: do have a slight role in the Commonwealth but
it is purely ornamental I am afraid. However for the just opened
commonwealth games, I was in charge of booking of her tickets for the event.

I do hope that all the tree planting and whatnot is coming along fine. As it
happens only this weekend I had a dozen saplings put in Mansfield Park, in a
plot which delights thousands.

Kind regards

MARGARET

Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret VC, Duchess of Great Tesco, Stewardess
of Llareggub, Prioress of Lotto,
Room 101
The Royal Les Dawson Suite
Kensington Doss House,
Buckingham
London
FU2 GlT
44 870 751 5170

>From: "Brant Woodrow." <[email protected]>
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: Princess Margaret Date: Tue, 14 Mar 2006 23:52:26 +0000 (GMT)

> Hello Her Highness
> This is some of the picturtes
> You should take delight in watching the last one.
> It was taken in a community we helped to restore from pollution.
> We also encourage the oil producing community to plant trees
> For every tree felled another one should be planted to replace it.
> The other pictures is with my wife and our daughter.
> I will send other ones now.
> Her Highness,I know your agitation about sending funds through bank.
> Over here in Nigeria.It is almost impossible to send money from bank to
>bank especially from overseas.
> I met one of my friend who is a banker and told him about it.
> He said that I should convince you to send it through western union.
> In Nigeria western Union is the preffered way of sending money quickly.
> Her Highness you can always give the money to any of your assistance
>to send through western Union
> The western Union staff will give the person some secret code for
>withdrawal.
> You'll now get the codes across to me.
> We'll use it to collect the funds on the same day it was sent.
> I have told you about this from the beginning.
> I will be expecting it before the weeks runs out.
> Do you have any role to play in the Commonwealth?
> The British left a lot of good legacy to Humanity.
> Over here ,Nigerians believe that the Bristish Colonialist left the
>country very early.
> They seems to regret why power was given to Local politicians.
> They blame the politicians for the poverty,unemployment and failure of
>government and corruption.
> However I believe the British have done their best.It is left for every
>country to salvage their people.
> I will attach more pictures for your delight.
> Best wishes
> Brant Woodrow
> WOODROW CONSERVATION INITIATIVE

Posted: Thu Mar 16, 2006 2:44 pm

Sir

I have your message and have acted upon it. Some of my best boys are currently on the parade ground, working the stable dung piles at this moment, further to your order. With so many bags it may have to be shipped in a container. Are you equipped to take delivery of same? If not, I can look into ordering up a military transport flight, if you can have trucks waiting at the airport upon arrival.

I attach an image of myself [Graham Chapman in his best Monty Python Major outfit] for your reconnaissance, as per late request.

In regards to your enquiry sir I have been a serving officer for over 20 years and have served in Ulster, Algeria, Slovenia and Smegaroon. Sgt Mjr O'Rorke Drift has been given your contact details.

Sincerely yours,

Brudenell (Commanding)

Colonel James Thomas Brudenell DSM
7th Earl of Cardigan
Commander of Light Horse Brigade
Tennyson Barracks
600 Rode Inn Valley
Smegaroon, UK
UR1 GIT

Tel 44 20 7414 3291

>From: "Brant Woodrow." <[email protected]>
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: James Thomas Brudenell <[email protected]>
>Subject: James Thomas Brudenell
>Date: Wed, 15 Mar 2006 22:26:06 +0000 (GMT)

>
> Hello,Thanks for the email.
> I really appreciate it.
> How are you doing over there?
> How about the family and work?
> I am happy you're associating with our environmental courses over here.
> We will always continue with the work.
> To save the earth is our priority.
> Send fine grade horse manure from the regimental stable.Send the shipping documents through postal to us.
> Use our postal address below
> Receiver Mr. Chukwuemeka Igwebuike
> 10 Edinburgh Road Enugu,
> Enugu State Nigeria.
> It should be bagged up.
> I will really appreciate we continue as friends.
> I am married and has two daughters.
> I am doing very fine and committed to my family and job.
> Conservation is my passion.I will continue to practicalise and preach it wherever I go.
> Send me some pictures and tell me about your life in the Military.
> I am expecting to hear from you.Send my regards to Sgt Major O'Rorke Drift,Tell him to send me a email.I will like to know his opinion on environmental issues.
> From all of us at the WOODROW CONSERVATION INITIATIVE
> Best Wishes
> Brant Woodrow
>
>
>
>
>---------------------------------

Posted: Thu Mar 16, 2006 5:25 pm

Dear Mr Woodrow

Many thanks for your prompt reply.

Cardigan has told me that your fertilizer is well in hand and hopefully will be sent out to you shortly once a few details have been resolved. I do hope you grow roses in your part of the world as they will bloom splendidly with this muck added. I would dearly like to know if you get a bunch up soon as I am sure you deserve it out there.

Your kind remarks as to my royal transport is noted with appreciation. In fact you are right that is a Rolls Royce, getting rather old these days I must admit, and so for most occasions we use a BMW, although it gives less of a show for johnny public, I would say. We also have a carriage and horses for the real big ceremonial occasions but the interior seating plays havoc with my piles.

Please keep Farnes Barnes and myself up to date on the money transfer. I have been reminded since we last communicated that palace protocol dictates that in the case of such extraordinary business you will have to sign an Oath of Temporary Allegiance to the House of Windsor. It is purely a formality of course involving a signed document and a picture to prove identity, but one which our legal chaps insist before anything formal between our office and third world chaps such as yourself can be entered into. Are you amenable to this? If so I will ask our Commonwealth Commissioner of Oaths, Sir Michael Barrymore to send over the requisite paperwork.

You ask about my favourite reading, and I must admit I prefer the Daily Telegraph as a daily read which has quite the best coverage of court news as well as a splendid column on badger hunting. Other than the national papers I also take the Polo Players Gazette and The Buyers Guide.

I am delighted that some of your colleagues feel able to pay us a visit. Please advise us of their plans when they are finalised, and I will see what can be done at this end to make them feel as welcome as they ought to be. There may be a chance of a few rooms in the north tower of Buckingham Palace if the fellows are assuredly clean and quiet and don't mind eating with the servants. There is a tropical theme in one of the suites there, I know, with bamboo furniture, rush matting and whatnot which would make them feel at home.

Kind regards

MARGARET

>From: "Brant Woodrow" <[email protected]>
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: Mr Woodrow
>Date: Thu, 16 Mar 2006 14:47:11 +0000
>Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret VC, Duchess of Great Tesco,
>Stewardess
>of Llareggub, Prioress of Lotto,
>Room 101
>The Royal Les Dawson Suite
>Kensington Doss House,
>Buckingham
>London
>FU2 GlT
>44 870 751 5170
>
>Hello Her Highness
>
>Thanks for sending the email.
>
>The pictures are very nice.
>
>It seems the car is a Rolls Royce.
>
>The interior of the vehicle is superb.You look elegant in it.
>
>I like your unique style of doing things.
>
>I have told Lord Charles Farnes Barnes to send the money through western Union.
>
>If he insists,I'll call our manager at bank to give us a solution to it.
>
>I have always told you that western Union is best.
>
>The system of banking over here is different from what is obtainable in Great Britain.
>
>In Nigeria western union is the preffered way of sending and receiving.Intsruct them on what to do.
>
>Continuing on our proigramme.We visited a community within the riverine.
>
>They invited us to see the damages done to their environment by oil spillage and other exploration activities.We also visited two other communities this afternoon.
>
>I will be back to the place tomorrow to complete the assignment.
>
>What is your favourite magazine in u.k?I read the sun online.
>
>Some of my collugues will want to visit U.K next month.We intend them to meet other group that promotes environmenta issues.They willl gain a lot of experince which we'll use over here
>
>They will also use the opportunity to visit you.
>
>You have to help facilitate the trip.
>
>I am happy you appreciate the pictures sent.
>
>I will still send more to you
>
>From all of us over here
>
>We wish you God's guidance
>
>Brant Woodrow
>
>WOODROW CONSERVATION INITIATIVE

Posted: Fri Mar 17, 2006 4:54 pm

Dear Mr Woodrow

I have only just finished speaking to Cardigan as it happens, and much of the bagging up has, I understand, finally been done to his satisfaction. He sends his apologies for the delay, but 150 bags of prime fertilizer has proved rather time consuming to process, as you can imagine. However the squaddies out there in their Marigolds have done a prime job I am assured, and so all is ready. There would have been more muck to send out to your little organisation, but I understand that Cardigan has sadly just lost a quite few horses in an unexpectedly adverse engagement in the Crimea. However he joins me in the pleasure of knowing that the current batch at least is being provided without a charge.

Now, in regards to your questions about the BMW, since you press the point, I must candidly admit to some embarrassment. Naturally we would prefer to use the Rolls for most public duties but I believe in a previous message I outlined the disadvantages. We have acquired a small fleet of BMWs for a number of reasons, none of them unfortunately patriotic, especially the fact that a cocktail unit comes as standard in the top of the range model (the Duke of Edinburgh has quite a bee in his bonnet about that sort of thing) and fuel consumption is so much more responsible with the German vehicle. I do not know if you have ever driven at 3 mph for hours through cheering crowds, with the window down, but I can assure you that such a procedure eats up the petrol at an alarming rate, while emissions can be startlingly high. One so hates the commoners to inhale too much carbon monoxide if it can be avoided, let alone oneself whilst waving in the accustomed way, as I am sure you understand.

As far as the Commonwealth Games, I am afraid that I will not be attending this year. I have unfortunately been laid up with a touch of gout, now somewhat easing, but on doctor's orders I cannot travel by air.

I am so glad that you have agreed to sign the Oath of Temporary Allegiance and have taken the liberty of instructing Mr Barrymore, from whom no doubt you will be hearing shortly. Once this small matter is taken care of, then matters will soon proceed and we can send off your dung at once, for instance. I do hope this matter is a matter of urgency with you as, when the warmer weather arrives, I imagine the stack of sacks on the parade ground will grow rather unpleasant for casual passers by.

Excellent news on the bank account you have made available, and we will look to see you get what is coming to you soon enough, rest assured.

Kind regards

MARGARET

>From: "Brant Woodrow." <[email protected]>
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: Princess Margaret <[email protected]>
>Subject: Her Royal Highness
>Date: Fri, 17 Mar 2006 09:37:44 +0000 (GMT)
> Thanks for sending the email once more.
> I am really grateful for everything.
> I will inform James Thomas Brudenell to send the fertilizer through shipping.
> We grow roses over here.We grow other rare trees and flowers
> We get most of the stuff from the local University of Agriculture over here.
> They also introduce us to other economic trees, which we encourage the communities in the oil producing areas to plant in order to replenish the soil nutrients in the area.
> The fertilizer will be very useful to us.
> I got a email from susan putz,Private Secretary to Lord Charles Farnes-Barnes .
> I attached the full email below.
> I do not know the amount you intend to send.
> However I have gotten a account for you to send the money.
> The details are below.
> Lester Lin Co Ltd.
> Hua Nan Commercial Bank
> Hong Kong Branch
> Suite 5601-3,56th Floor,
> Central Plaza 18 Harbour Road,
> Wanchai,Hong Kong.
> Account Number 905230037333
> Swift Code HNBKHKHH
> The bank is in Hong Kong.
> The money will reach us over here in Nigeria.
> You can see the process will be long.
> I do not have alternative.I will do as you said.LOL
>
> I will check the website of Daily Telegraph ,since it's your favourite.
> I read sun uk and News of the world.It writes mainly on celebrities.
> Polo Players Gazette and The Buyers Guide is exclusively for the rich and famous.
> My collueges will start arrangement to visit Great Britain next week.
> I will give you all the informations llater on.
> Why did the Royal family choose to use BMW?
> You know it's made in Germany. You must have reasons for that.
> Will you attend the commonwealth games in Autralia?
>
> Hello Her Highnes kindly tell the Commonwealth Commissioner of Oaths, Sir Michael Barrymore to send the paperwork to me.Give my email address to him.I am ready to sign the Oath of Temporary Allegiance to the House of Windsor.
> I heard the U.K Armed forces will wind up their activities in Iraq in 2008.
> I pray most of the hotspot countries like syria,Iran and North Korea will see reasons and tow the line of peace.
> I will leave now to go over to the communities in the riverine area.
> They will be waiting for me.
> From all of us over here.
> Best Wishes
> Brant Woodrow
> WOODROW CONSERVATION INITIATIVE
>
>
>
>
>
>15 March 2006
>
>
>Dear Mr Woodrow,
>
>
>Thank you for your letter addressed to Lord Charles Farnes-Barnes who is now out of the office until March 24th. However, he has asked me to pass your letter to Mrs Tushie Meshuganah, the Chief Cashier of our Africa Division who will be contacting you very shortly.
>
>
>Yours truly,
>
>
>
>Susan Putz
>Private Secretary to Lord Charles Farnes-Barnes
>

Posted: Fri Mar 17, 2006 4:59 pm

KREPLACH BROTHERS MERCHANT BANK INTERNATIONAL PLC
69 TAGHOLM AVENUE LONDON WC1 FU2

17 March 2006

Dear Mr Woodrow

Please read my last e-mail more carefully. This transaction is now being conducted by Mrs Tushie Meshuganah of our Africa Division who will be contacting you shortly.

Yours truly,

SUSAN PUTZ
Private Secretary to Lord Charles Farnes-Barnes

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Brant Woodrow" <[email protected]>
Reply-To: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: BRANT WOODROW
Date: Fri, 17 Mar 2006 10:02:05 +0000

KREPLACH BROTHERS MERCHANT BANK INTERNATIONAL PLC
69 TAGHOLM AVENUE LONDON WC1 FU2

Lord Charles Farnes-Barnes
HELLO susan

I got the email.

You should write me with your private email account.

We can also become close friends.

I have gotten the account for the funds.

Lester Lin Co Ltd.

Hua Nan Commercial Bank

Hong Kong Branch

Suite 5601-3,56th Floor,

Central Plaza 18 Harbour Road,

Wanchai,Hong Kong.

Account Number 905230037333

Swift Code HNBKHKHH

The bank is in Hong Kong.The funds will reach us over here.

Send my regards to Lord Charles Farnes-Barnes.

I will be going for work now.

I'll be expecting to hear from you.

SINCERELY YOURS

Brant Woodrow

WOODROW CONSERVATION INITIATIVE

Brant Woodrow

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Charles Farnes-Barnes" <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
CC: [email protected]
Subject: RE: Lord Charles Farnes-Barnes
Date: Thu, 16 Mar 2006 14:36:38 +0000

From: "Brant Woodrow." <[email protected]>
Reply-To: [email protected]
To: Charles Farnes-Barnes <[email protected]>
Subject: Lord Charles Farnes-Barnes
Date: Wed, 15 Mar 2006 22:54:08 +0000 (GMT)

KREPLACH BROTHERS MERCHANT BANK INTERNATIONAL PLC
69 TAGHOLM AVENUE LONDON WC1 FU2

Lord Charles Farnes-Barnes

Dear Lord farnes-Barnes
I really appreciate the email.
How about your family ad work?
The issue of sending money from bank to bank cannot work over here.Our bankers directed you send it through western Union.It is faster and relaible.I'll receive the money tomorrow as soon as you send it.
Send the money through the nearest western Union office over there.
The details for receiving is viz
Receivers name - Joel Richard Ano
First Bank Nigeria
Enugu Branch
Send the confirmation and withdrawal information to my email box tomorrow.
The money should be in Pounds Sterling.
I will also like us to continue as friends.
I am young man with passion for conservation and environmental issues.
I am married and have two daughters.
I'll send some pics later.
From all of us at WOODROW CONSERVATION INITIATIVE
We wish you God's protection and happiness
Best Wishes
Brant Woodrow

WOODROW CONSERVATION

15 March 2006

Dear Mr Woodrow,

Thank you for your letter addressed to Lord Charles Farnes-Barnes who is now out of the office until March 24th. However, he has asked me to pass your letter to Mrs Tushie Meshuganah, the Chief Cashier of our Africa Division who will be contacting you very shortly.

Yours truly,

Susan Putz
Private Secretary to Lord Charles Farnes-Barnes

Posted: Fri Mar 17, 2006 5:00 pm

17 March 2006

Dear Mr Woodrow,

As you prefer to be paid in sterling this transaction will be handled by Mr Joseph Kucker of our subsidiary brokers Chavster, Manfred and Newman Ltd. He will contact you later today.

Yours faithfully,

Mrs Tushie Meshuganah

From: "Brant Woodrow." <[email protected]>
Reply-To: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: TUSHIE
Date: Fri, 17 Mar 2006 09:58:00 +0000 (GMT)

HELLO Tushie Meshuganah
This is Mr Brant.
I am a director with Woodrow Conservation Initiative.
Have you got any information from Lord Charles Farnes-Barnes
I have the account details for sending the money.
The details are below

Lester Lin Co Ltd.
Hua Nan Commercial Bank
Hong Kong Branch
Suite 5601-3,56th Floor,
Central Plaza 18 Harbour Road,
Wanchai,Hong Kong.
Account Number 905230037333
Swift Code HNBKHKHH
The money will reach us over here in Nigeria
I am expecting to hear from you.
From all of us over here.
best Wishes
Brant Woodrow
Woodrow Conservation Initiative

17 March 2007

Posted: Fri Mar 17, 2006 5:11 pm

Subject: OATH OF TEMPORARY ALLEGIANCE
Date: Fri, 17 Mar 2006 17:08:27 +0000 Status: Normal
From: "michael montague barrymore" <[email protected]>

Dear Mr Woodrow

OATH OF TEMPORARY ALLEGIANCE
# 1SA-CNT E.R. (Elizabeth II Regis)

WHEREAS PRINCESS MARGARET has asked that I invest you with
the Oath of Temporary Allegiance to the House of Windsor, this is hereby
done. I understand in respect of some pending commercial considerations a reply is required urgently.

Please note that the Oath, sent to yourself at this address as advised is a
discreet formality and is NOT transferrable either to kin or tribe.

The Oath should be read out loud, printed out, and signed along with a
witness (of no relation). Together with the signed document, scanned and
returned to us, there should be in accompanyment a 300 dpi photograph of
yourself, right hand raised. To confirm this is your image, please display
prominently in the image the relevant Oath code 1SA-CNT ER

OATH OF FORMAL ALLEGIANCE TO THE HOUSE OF WINDSOR

"I _____________________ of _______________________ County State of
___________________ do hereby solemnly swear that I will bear true
allegiance to the House of Windsor in full quims, and support and
sustain the Right Royal Business thereof; that I will maintain utmost
discretion in fey vimtos paramount to all; that as total git I will
discourage, discountenance, all breaking of this merkin troth, pledge my
honor, to the sacred performance of this, my solemn Oath of Allegiance to
the Royal Highnesses thereto. De Paquet Cheerios in flagrente delecto. Pro
vom poppadom rexus quasi dominus poxy.

signed ..............................................
witnessed ..............................................
date ..............................................

OATH issued 17.3.2006 # 1SA-CNT E.R

This Oath is issued by my office, as per commercial protocol and in lieu of
a face to face appearance which, due to urgency and geographical distance, would otherwise prove impossible. Normally more documentation would be required but Her Majesty
has graciously waived this element of protocol in this instance.

If you have any questions, please contact either myself at once or speak to a trusted legal representative.

I am sir,

Your humble servant

BARRYMORE

Michael Barrymore AASA, DFC,
HER MAJESTYS COMMONWEALTH COMMISSIONER OF OATHS
2645 Gooliepully Road
Stringalonga, TOCUMWAL,NSW,2714
Phone: (02) 9298 3777
Fax: (02) 9298 3780

Posted: Sat Mar 18, 2006 12:11 am

Love your characters! Great names and story Laughing

Posted: Sun Mar 19, 2006 9:53 pm

From : Charles Farnes-Barnes <[email protected]>
Sent : Sunday, March 19, 2006 6:09 PM
To : [email protected]
Subject : RE: susan putz.

19 March 2006

Dear Mr Woodrow,

Your transaction is being dealt with by Mrs Tushie Meshuganah. There is no need for you to contact me again. I would further advise you not to write in such impudent terms to her. No-one at the bank is at all interested in being "your friend" and we have no desire to see any photographs of you.

Our job is simply to carry out instructions from our clients - in this case HRH Royal Highness Princess Margaret, Duchess of Grand Tesco.

Yours faithfully,

SUSAN PUTZ
Private Secretary to Lord Charles Farnes-Barnes

From: "Brant Woodrow." <[email protected]>
Reply-To: [email protected]
To: Charles Farnes-Barnes <[email protected]>
Subject: susan putz.
Date: Fri, 17 Mar 2006 23:23:26 +0000 (GMT)

SUSAN PUTZ
Private Secretary to Lord Charles Farnes-Barnes
hello susan
how are you doing?
i have contact mrs tushie.
the transaction is going on.
however i wanted us to become friends
perhaps we can share some experiences together.
you should not disregard the email.
write with your private email box.
i also want to send some pictures to you.
regards
brant

KREPLACH BROTHERS MERCHANT BANK INTERNATIONAL PLC
69 TAGHOLM AVENUE LONDON WC1 FU2

17 March 2006

Dear Mr Woodrow

Please read my last e-mail more carefully. This transaction is now being conducted by Mrs Tushie Meshuganah of our Africa Division who will be contacting you shortly.

Yours truly,

SUSAN PUTZ
Private Secretary to Lord Charles Farnes-Barnes

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Brant Woodrow" <[email protected]>
Reply-To: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: BRANT WOODROW
Date: Fri, 17 Mar 2006 10:02:05 +0000

KREPLACH BROTHERS MERCHANT BANK INTERNATIONAL PLC
69 TAGHOLM AVENUE LONDON WC1 FU2

Lord Charles Farnes-Barnes
HELLO susan
I got the email.
You should write me with your private email account.
We can also become close friends.
I have gotten the account for the funds.
Lester Lin Co Ltd.
Hua Nan Commercial Bank
Hong Kong Branch
Suite 5601-3,56th Floor,
Central Plaza 18 Harbour Road,
Wanchai,Hong Kong.
Account Number 905230037333
Swift Code HNBKHKHH
The bank is in Hong Kong.The funds will reach us over here.
Send my regards to Lord Charles Farnes-Barnes.
I will be going for work now.
I'll be expecting to hear from you.
SINCERELY YOURS
Brant Woodrow
WOODROW CONSERVATION INITIATIVE

Brant Woodrow

Posted: Sun Mar 19, 2006 10:25 pm

Dear Brant (if I may?)

What splendid news! I feel that so much of import has transpired between us, and in such a short space of time, that we are almost good friends. I am so pleased, as we often feel here quite strongly how important it is to maintain good relations with chaps from the former colonies.

I have just got back to the palace after a bison shoot in Scotland, and have yet to catch up with all the bits and bobs of news that has happened while I have been away. My butler Scones has spent a difficult half hour or so manhandling the carcass of a beast bagged from off the top of the Landrover and into the kitchens here for proper butchering, but now that my supervision is no longer required, I feel that I can give this business my fullest attention. I need to check with Mr Barrymore, once they are all awake in Australia naturally, that everything you have sent (?) is in order and then I am certain we can proceed without any further ado. I know that Cardigan is especially keen to get done on this project now as several of his men are required for duties elsewhere, some native rioting somewhere. There is no doubt that this little charitable donation of ours has proved quite a diversion what with one thing or another! Incidentally Cardigan asked me, over Sherry in the Magoo Room a short while ago, if you would like a Light Horse Brigade beret as a little souvenir of this connnection? He can easily have one chucked in, with honorary badge naturally, before the door is finally shut on the container.

You ask about obtaining a visa for a couple of your friends. Well, although it would be highly irregular, I feel that perhaps rules may be bent a little in this situation. If you wish to pass on their details, I shall be happy to forward them with a personal recommendation to Sir Marmite Luny-Bins, the Regis Chamberlain here, who would be responsible for any extraordinary visa grants of this nature. Of course you may wish to contact him yourself with all the details, the matter is up to you. But please keep any application brief as he is a busy man, and you will understand Marmite does not like to be spread too thinly.

As far as political leaders in the UK I am afraid I try and remain slightly above the fractious nature of party politics. We see quite a few of the parliamentary johnnies at the palace as it happens on one pretext or another, all about will the Queen be signing this and that bill, or does she he have a view on this and that appointment, committee squabbles and what not, so all in all the lot of them become rather tiring after a while. I suppose given a choice, I would have the softest spot for Lars van Deferens, the leader of the UK Independence party, as at least he pipes a different tune when it come to it. Globalisation and such things are beyond me, I am afraid although my niece Candice seems to take an interest. Things were much simpler when we had troops stationed around the world, running things here and there and generally looking after the natives. Such issues never seemed to arise then. I blame the communists.

Anyhow, no doubt we shall be talking again soon. I hope the thanks giving ceremony goes well. Durings Matins at Smegaroon Catherdral this morning I must admit I nearly fell asleep, this during the sermon by the Rev Paisley, but I put this down to the tiredness after the hunt.

Warm regards

MARGARET

Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret VC, Duchess of Great Tesco, Stewardess of Llareggub, Prioress of Lotto,
Room 101
The Royal Les Dawson Suite
Kensington Doss House,
Buckingham
London
FU2 GlT
44 870 751 5170

>From: "Brant Woodrow" <[email protected]>
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: HER ROYAL HIGHNESS
>Date: Sat, 18 Mar 2006 11:45:51 +0000
>Hello Her Majesty,
>
>I am happy to receive the email.
>
>You are really a nice person.
>
>I am very happy to be associated with you and the Royal family.
>
>I have sent the necessary information to Cardigan and Lord Farnes Barnes.
>
>I am expecting the response.
>
>I am writing from a locality in a riverine area.
>
>I will attach the oath of allegiance along with my photograph to Mr Michael Barrymore.
>
>Two of my colluegues intend to apply for visa to be in Great Britian.
>
>Her majesty kindly send the two persons a invitation letter.It will be used for the visa application.
>
>They intend to come on a short visit to make contacts and study on how other environmental societies in Great britains operate.
>
>I will give you more information concerning it.
>
>I hope Mr Barrymore will accept the pictures.There is no readily available photographic centre over here. Though I will be off the creek tomorrow.
>
>Kindly tell Mr. Barrymore to accept the oath of allegiance.
>
>I am happy to be associated with the House of Windsor.
>
>My family will be going on a thanksgiving ceremony on our new baby over here in Nigeria.
>
>God has really blessed my family.
>
>I will give you update about it.
>
>Who is your favourite political leader or prime Minister in the U.K?
>
>What is your opinion on the effects of development and globalisation to the economies of Europe?
>
>Her majesty I'll be off to go back to the creek.
>
>from all of us over here.we wish you.
>
>God's gudance,encouragement and blessing.
>
>Sincerely yours
>
>Brant Woodrow
>
>WOODROW CONSERVATION INITIATIVE
>

Posted: Sun Mar 19, 2006 10:54 pm

Sir,

I write in response to your last letter. Some delay was caused by my absence on military duties, unavoidable, as you will understand.

I am extremely gratified that your family friend is keen to join Her Majesty's armed forces. I myself have been in service for a good many years and, despite a painful shrapnel wound caught high up in the Ozarks, have never regretted my enlistment for a moment. Please note the fellow should be of good character.

The UK forces in Iraq are under the command of General George Casey. I had the honour of meeting him last year at a Buckingham Palace garden party and he impressed me mightily with his grasp of what needed to be done. I am confident that with him in charge, and President Bush keeping firm, the war against insurgency in Iraq will eventually reach the conclusion it deserves.

I regret sir that I did not get your images. Are they to be expected? May I pin them up in the Mess Hall for the men if they do arrive? I am sure that it will do their morale good, especially after all those hard hours shovelling your consignment into the sacks.

I only await a green light from HRH and you will get your fertilizer in short order. Did you have any news about the provision of transport at the other end?

I remain sir

Budenell (Commanding)

Colonel James Thomas Brudenell DSM
7th Earl of Cardigan
Commander of Light Horse Brigade
Tennyson Barracks
600 Rode Inn Valley
Smegaroon, UK
UR1 GIT

Tel 44 20 7414 3291

>From: "Brant Woodrow." <[email protected]>
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: Colonel James Thomas Brudenell DSM
>Date: Fri, 17 Mar 2006 09:50:48 +0000 (GMT)
> Hello Thanks for the email
> You should package the fertilizers in a container.
> Send it through ship.
> Send the shipping documents to us through post.
> The address to use is
> Mr Emeka Igwebuike
> 10 Edinburgh Road Enugu,
> Enugu State ,Nigeria
> On a lighter mood ,I'll send the pictures today.
> It is just a family pics.
> One of my friend's son intend to join the U.K Royal Army.
> What are the conditions to be met?
> In subsequent emails I'll tell you more about the environmental and conservation project over here.
> The pictures you sent is exceptional.You really have the needed experience.
> Your experience and dedication is what counts.
> I heard the U.K Armed forces in Iraq will wind up their activities in 2008.
> Who is the commander of the U.K Armed forces in Iraq?
> I am really surprised most of the trouble spot like Syria,Iran and north Korea are Islamic nations.
> What do you think about it.
> I will be off to work.
> from all of us over here.
> BEST WISHES
> Brant Woodrow
> Woodrow Conservation Initiative
>

Posted: Mon Mar 20, 2006 10:54 am

"Brant Woodrow." <[email protected]> wrote:
Melodie Fenwick
Personal Assistant to
Dr Joseph Kucker
Deputy Chief Executive
Chavster, Manfred and Newman Inc
8 Robben Road
London NW1 GIT

thanksfor sending the email.
i really appreciate it.
how are you over there?
you should send the money in canadan dollars.
i will be expecting to hear from you.
we can as well continue as friends.
tell me more about your work and family life.
are you married?
i will be off now.
best wishes
brant Woodrow

20 March 2006

Dear Mr Woodrow,

I am in receipt of your e-mail.

Your money will be transferred to your nominated bank account as soon as Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret, Duchess of Great Tesco gives me the necessary authority.

Yours faithfully,

Melodie Fenwick
Personal Assistant to
Dr Joseph Kucker
Deputy Chief Executive
Chavster, Manfred and Newman Inc
8 Robben Road
London NW1 GIT

tel: [0]208 202 8200

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