Fred's 3000 mile safari - Jacob's Revenge! :o)

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Posted: Wed Dec 14, 2005 4:30 am

Should you out the story and make it an elaborate sting operation against him?

Posted: Wed Dec 14, 2005 10:14 am

That's an idea but we should raise his hopes and expectations MUCH higher before we tell him the truth. And I still want to see that website of his first!

Wannabe Baiter Joined: 08 Dec 2005 Posts: 92

@shrek,

I would really like to see, jacob come up with his own site, planning to expose bobby's secret. seeing that bobby would kill herselt. then FBI would involve to find out the reason behind this famous singer's death. the agent will point them to a low life blackmailer aka Jacob. so, a newspaper cutting then explaining how the Interpol has been involved to track down this journalist Jacob. Idea

Posted: Wed Dec 14, 2005 8:55 pm

Great idea Ulta , that should keep the bait running at least another month

Posted: Wed Dec 14, 2005 10:54 pm

Tanya will be sending him a short note tonight...
She's really tied up with things right now so he'll have to park on the edge of his chair for a couple.

In the meantime Tanya has a piece coming on the Iraqi USO party, and a busniess article will be coming out by an unrelated author or two at RIA Novasti that might begin to shed some light on this entire conspiracy...

With Christmas sales down by record margins due to concerns for rootkit spyware and viral vunerabilities, Sony is backpeddeling hard and covering its tracks... Technologies reporter Illya Kuryakin (from UNCLE) will be investigating the back story behind the Sony rootkit scandel. Vasily Nebezulrechno (Basil Faulty I think) will be covering the business aspect of Sony's Faux Pas.... and Tanya will be covering the impact on the artists themselves. She hopes to get a few big name interviews on her return to La La land.

A time may come when one of these reporters might stick there nose too far into places it doesn't belong. Investigative reporting can be a dangerous profession. If George were to stumble upon something that threatened to expose him, there is no telling what a man like that might do to silence him.

RIA Novosti will of course run a tasteful memorial piece the day after the passing of the promising young writer...

The ensuing investigation might unravel into a massive plot to forestall publication of a story by J-lad until a statutory time period lapses, and his story becomes, sadly worthless to everyone... even those who know it to be true.

Twisted Evil

Thoughts?

Posted: Thu Dec 15, 2005 4:55 am

What a brilliant thread. Just fantastic.

Not that I have any sympathy, but what is he eating, or is he selling his a$$ to buy food.

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 12 Dec 2005 Posts: 10

Oh god I love this. No matter how many times I heard of lads doing stupid shit, it always makes me smile.

Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2005 1:21 am

dead guy from UNCLE
the next edition in the saga...
A lame little article by the soon to be deceased...

George might entertain the notion of slipping this under his door with a warning about reporters who don't mind their own business.

Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2005 1:39 am

Hehehe. You are one crazy dude, that's for sure!

Great stuff! Laughing

Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2005 2:55 am

Sadly, Illya Kuryakin has been killed in a freak accident... or was it accidental. Witnesses say he was crossing the street with friends for an evening at a local club when he fell and was struck by a snow plow shortly after one of his co-workers posted this story on the BMG debacle.

Tragic Accident

The coroner's report isn't in yet, but the medics on the scene may have missed the small bullet wound in the back of Illya's head overlooking it for all the damage caused by the snowplow.

EDIT: The related story

details to follow

nother edit:

Illya's Obituary announcement

Illya shoulda known better

@shrek....
Yes indeed, I'm a very very sick man, or so I'm told.

Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2005 9:58 am

Problem is that he's gone real quiet for a few days now. Wonder if he's travelling back to SA?

Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2005 1:09 pm

Tanya doesn't know about Illya's death yet.
She wants to meet the lad to discuss his story and money.

George's empire of Evil Dewar's could soon be revealed.

I have to admit after the last he sent me I was expecting him to get realy chatty. Think he finally ran out of cafe money?

Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2005 7:05 pm

@Shrek

When a "Safari" can mean something like making your lad nip down to a close-by neighboring country, I'm just not satisfied that the little Pith helmet is quite appropriate for a geographical relocation.

I tossed off a little custom icon for you just for really sick, long term migratory (mugratory?) baits.

U-Hell
Adventures in Baiting

Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 5:23 am

I think he's quiet for one of two possible reasons:

a. He's sick of looking like a fool and wants to have something tangible to show (like a web site) with his next contact.

b. More likely, he is sick of us making a fool of him. This lad seems kind of...I don't know...would "bitchy" be a good word?

But let's hope he's not done. Dropping out of site for a few days, or even longer, is not uncommon behavior amongst mugus. I've had some suddenly contact me a few months after "disappearing."

Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 4:11 pm

LMFAO!! This is BEAUTIFUL!

Posted: Tue Dec 20, 2005 4:59 am

@scott
I don't think he twigged, I think something has gone wrong on his end.
I do know what you mean about his attitude. He does have a snoot full of himself.

I'm actually wondering if he made some sort of devil's bargain in Ghana and the note came due.
Maybe his attitude got adjusted by his new Oga and he just can't write back till the bandages come off.

Poor him.

From my character's convos with him, he was definately jazzed when he stopped talking.

Posted: Tue Dec 20, 2005 10:01 pm

Just a note...
He has definately NOT twigged. He is now using a mail proxy.
I'm thinkin this means he has switched cafe's.
He may have relocated again or may simply be using a cafe with a slightly better admin.

Posted: Tue Dec 20, 2005 11:15 pm

I don't think African internet cafes are too clued up about setting up mail proxies. But I might be wrong. My guess is that he's gone back to SA somehow. That would explain his 3-4 days of silence.

Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 7:05 am

Actually, as of today he seems to be coming from Nigeria!

Quote:

66.178.82.200

Blacklist Status: Listed (details)
Whois History: 26 records stored
Oldest: 2004-08-06
Newest: 2005-12-20
Record Type: IP Address
IP Location: Nigeria Nigeria - Lagos - Ajao - Turner Technologies
Reverse DNS: 66-178-82-200.reverse.newskies.net
New Skies Satellites N.V. NSS-NETBLOCK-3 (NET-66-178-0-0-1)
66.178.0.0 - 66.178.127.255
Turner Technologies TURNER-CHNOLOGIES (NET-66-178-82-192-1)
66.178.82.192 - 66.178.82.255

And I think he has been quiet becasue he has been very busy dealing with Alicia's army of friends-

I sent him this gracious warning:

Quote:

Jacob-

Listen you cheesy little wanker- I have just gotten word from a dear
friend of mine that you are mucking about with her and making threats to
publish her personal business on some internet site and cause her grief.
I want you to understand that this would be a very stupid choice to make
in your life. Miss BLANK (it's more mysterious that way, plus even tho' I mis-spelled the name, there are Google whores would would seize the moment...)has many, many friends, and none of us would
appreciate some little blackmailer trying to stir up some sort of trouble. And what you need to understand is that the freinds she has are the kind of influential people that can fuck your life up.

You probably know me from my career playing for Liverpool, Real Madrid
and now Newcastle. Whqat you probably don't know is that through my work with Team England and Coach Sven- I have made some very important connections with the Immigration officials here in the UK, and they are friends who will take strong action if I make a telephone call to
mention that you are harrassing a friend of mine. How would you like to
be black-listed from ever entering the UK? How would you like to have
South Africa cancel your passport because of criminal activity? How
would you like a standing warrant for arrest if you should ever travel
outside of South Africa again?

I think you might want to sit down in your little office or wherever you
are working from, and think twice about the consequences of your actions
mate, because you are trifling with authority far beyond your ability to
handle. Think about what an enraged mob of several hundred football fans might do to a schemeing bastard if their hero posted on his website that you were bothering his friends.

So stop fucking about little boy- this is nowhere you want to be.

The cheeky devil pops off with this:

Quote:

listen here motherfulking ass, you can be whatever you like for all I care, just face whatever it is that you do and back off before I get cross at you

Well, I certainly feel duty bound to rise to his getting cross with me:

Quote:

Hey ass licker- would you perhaps like to have your house burn down around your ears one morning?

Maybe some bully boys need to come visit you in your rooms in Ghana and beat some respect into your lazy filthy lying ass you miserable little
fuck.

You presume to get "cross" with me you little insignificant blackmailing
piece of shit? Do you know how many little boys like you George has put
in the ground? You can be just another nameless victim of a roadside
accident just as easy as a snap of the fingers. The chances of you ever
returning to South Africa alive are now diminishing with every
heartbeat- the people you have upset are very aware of where you are
this very moment, and they had hoped that a simple warning from somebody whose name you might recognize would caution you enough to make you shut your filthy lying mouth, but it clear to me that you are an
unrepentant bastard and a fool, so keep up with your jolly little
blackmail you worm, and see how fast your world crumbles around you. Do you think that people like us really worry about garbage like
journalists from Africa? Do you have any idea how simple it is to
disappear you? The cost is less than 500 Euros paid to the Chief of
Police of Accra, and you are picked up, shot in the police barracks that
very evening, and dumped in the sea for the sharks to eat before
sunrise.

In fact, I'm thinking 500 Euros is a cheap price to shut your filthy
mouth.

Repent you stupid bastard, before you cross one line too many.

Like the dutiful lad he is, he thinks he's going to go mano a mano with me and play the dozens... so he fires of this witty repartee today:

Quote:

I didn't know George is fulking your mother as well. maybe you should ask her who your real father is. I bet she does not even know who your real father is, son of a bitch.

I could get to George faster than he can get to me. I am only sorry for Alicia because she is going to regret getting at my wrong side by teling hoodlums like you to write shit to me.
you should know better than to threaten a journalist. you can stop a story by threat.

Of course this mandates a pas a deux:

Quote:

If you are a journalist, I'm the fucking President of Nigeria!

You are such a complete tosser you can't even spell the simplest of
words correctly- or is that kind of sloppy behavior acceptable in what
sad excuse passes for a newspaper over there in asshole land? And
read through your tortured statements again- you have actually
inadvertently spoken the truth, I'm sure much to your dismay when you
state that I "can" stop a story by threat.

What are you going to tell the world? Do you think you have something
juicy? Do you think that the filthy bumwipe tabloid rags are going to
pick up your story and make you a rich man? Do you even know what the
Sun and their nasty ilk pay for a story?

let me clue you in on something here little boy- lots of us glitterati
make a grand sport out of fabricating stories and having our accomplices
sell them to the newsies- if some sad African bastard comes dancing
around with the latest dirt on Alicia- all that is going to happen is
that they will think she has put you up to it, and they will laugh you
off you ridiculous blighter. Of course, your passport is no longer valid
for the UK, and very soon a good friend of mine in Joburg's Metropolitan
Police is going to be paying you a visit, that is if you ever give
enough blowjobs to earn you way back home to your shitty little ghetto
in South Africa. You make me laugh you half-wit tootweasel.

Oh, and for the remarks about my mother? That's just earned you falling
down the stairs a dozen times when you get to pop round the lock-up for
a bit of a chat with my mates on Metro Police, you filthy mouthed git.
Then I'm going to have one of the biggest and nastiest sergeants you've
ever seen break both of your fucking legs with radial twists of the
upper leg- you're going to be on sticks for at least a year you fuck.

A long year for you I hope.

Keep the heat up, he's cracking!

Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 8:16 am

Hahahaha! BRILLIANT! Laughing

That's what I always liked about Jacob - his wit and repartee. Very Happy

Well, if anyone had ever felt sorry for this piece of shit earlier, I hope the latest exchanges show more his true character. He came originally from Nigeria anyway, from what I understand, so I guess he's just gone home.

I just wish he'd hurry up and publish his website. That will get everyone rolling on the floor laughing! Wink

BTW, TT, would you edit out the reference to Miss K? Just to keep this thread clean and safe from outsiders? Thanks!

Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 9:25 am

@TT, that's some quality slapping, and it's having the desired effect Laughing

Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 3:37 pm

This sort of confirms my thought that he is migrating a bit.

Illya has been shot, and news waas published to cover his death, but in fact he was only seriously wounded and the police suspect that he was in the wrong place and was not the actual target they have taken no chances.

He is safely in a hospital in St. Petersberg. He is in a chemically induced coma following brain surgery. The bullet was recovered and Illya is expected to make a recovery soon. Though he will propably never write for the techy desk again, he will probably begin writing childrens books.

Vasily is in seclusion and has simply disappeared off the face of the Earth. He is the probable target and the Police suspect the killer will try again.

Tanya has been removed to the relative safety of her apartment in the U.S.
where she worries for Illya's saftey.
Thier wedding will must needs be postponed until Illya is able to speak without drooling again.

Jacob has sent her best wiishes for the holidays, and she has begun to suspect that Bobby may not be telling her everything she knows about this mysterious George. He has forwarded on a handful of emails from her that expose a less than innocent side. It is unknown at this time if these are genuine or fake, and if the are fake, did George write them, or did Jacob?

Will Kelly really have her surrogate baby, and is Rex really the father?
Oops wrong soap-opera...

Friday's Chrismas cliff hanger is coming up...
Will there be peace on Earth?
Will Jacob Score any points with the Ukranian Crumpet?
Will George threaten Tanya?
Will Illya wake up?
Where is Vasily?
Who was the gunman and why has nothing been found of his identity?

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 21 Dec 2005 Posts: 11

I have to say, this is the funniest thing I have ever read in my life.

It's amazing to think that while this is a little hobby for you in one part of the world, this guy thinks he is part of some huge soap opera that is probably taking over his entire life.

Posted: Thu Dec 22, 2005 9:06 pm

Hmm. He seems to have gotten some nasty emails. I wonder from who? Very Happy

Quote:

I am getting pissed off by all these psychos you gave my email to write to me claiming to be your friends.

It appears the trend has change from George�s con-men to your psycho frineds sending threat messages.
You should know that this king of people and the messages they send to me would only complicate matters for you as I am filing their messages to back up my story.

You and them should know better than to threaten a journalist. It does not make us drop a story rather dialog does.

I was told George has sent 30 assasins out to look for me, how stupid could he be? Well I wish him good luck but remember I am keeping records of all informations I received and the only reason Tanya presnted you as a victim in her article is because I have not told her my side of the story nor given her any information in that regards.

Jacob

And he is definitely back in Nigeria. Oh well.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 22 Sep 2005 Posts: 46

Just sent our man an interesting email. Will let you know wat one if i get a response

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