No Copies For You!

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Posted: Tue Feb 08, 2005 7:44 pm

For anyone wondering why I'm publishing all these baits of mine that died on the vine or just aren't all that side-splittingly funny, I'm doing it to show that 1) Not every bait is a laugh riot 2) Not every angle for a trophy or whatever is successful and 3) It's okay to experiment and let a fish get away now and then. Plenty more where that came from. I figure with all the newcomers, it's good to let them see that not every bait has to be "The Church Of The Painted Breast".

Well, that, and it allows me to clean out my baiting account in an organized manner!

I get the usual "Oh, I'm a dyin'! Put my money to good use, stranger!" approach from Pamela Welsh.

Quote:

MRS PAMELA WELSH

33 BROOK STREET,

LONDON.

W1A 2BU

Dear Friend,

PLEASE ENDEAVOUR TO USE IT FOR THE CHILDREN OF GOD.

I am the above named person from LONDON. I am married to
MR PATRICK GERALD WELSH who worked with BRITISH embassy in CANADA for
nine years before he died in the year 1999. We were married for
eleven years without a child. He died after a brief illness that
lasted for only four days.

Before his death we were both born again Christians.
Since his death I decided not to re-marry or get a child outside my
matrimonial home which the Bible is against.
When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of�7.5 Million
(seven Million five hundred thousand pound sterling)with an OFFSHORE
BANK here in UK.Presently, this money is still under the safe keeping
of the BANK.
Recently, my Doctor told me that I would not last
for the next SEVEN months due to my cancer problems.
Though what disturbs me most is my stroke .Having known my condition,
I decided to donate this fund to church or
better still a christian individual That will utilize this
money the way I am going toinstruct here in. I want a
church that will use this fund on, orphanages and widows
propagating the word of God and to ensure that the house of
God is maintained. The Bible made us to understand that
Blessed is the hand that giveth.

I took this decision because I don't have any child that will
inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians and I
don't want my husband's hard earned money to be misused by
unbelievers and in an ungodly manner. Hence the reason for taking
this bold decision.
I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I
know that I am going to be in the bossom of the Lord. I know
that the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace.
I don't need any telephone communication in this regard because of my
health. With God all things are possible. As soon as I receive your
reply I forward your personal information to my husband's Attorney in
London who will contact the BANK and introduce you as the legal owner
of this fund before transfering the fund into your nominated Bank
Account in your country.

You will be issued a letter of authority by him that will
empower you as the original- beneficiary of this fund. I
want you and the church to always pray for me because the
lord is my shepherd. My happiness is that I lived a life of
a worthy Christian. Whoever that wants to serve the Lord
must serve him in spirit and truth. Please always
beprayerful all through your any delay in your reply will
give me room in sourcing for a church or christian
individual for this same purpose. Please assure me that you
will act accordingly as I stated herein.
Your response should be channeled to my alternate email account at
([email protected])

Hoping to hear from you as soon as possible.

Remain blessed in the name of the Lord.

Yours in Christ,

Mrs Pamela Welsh.

Hannah leaps to respond! Okay, not really. Hannah lazily replies whenever she feels like it.

Quote:

Oh, my goodness, that's so terrible. What can I do to help?

Hannah Leeds

Annnnnnd it's the forward pass to the Barrister, Nick Thorne. (Sounds like a soap character, no? Nick, I'm having your baby!)

Quote:

Dear Hannah,

Thank you very much for your reply.May the Lord continue to bless you and your
family, and may you grow from strength to strength in the Lords own house.I will
be most glad if the funds are spent on your cancer campaign.Note that 20% of the
total funds when transfered goes to you while the other 80% should be geared
towards humanitarian purpose.

I will be undergoing an operation soonest,therefore you will have to get in
touch with our attorney who will perfect all modalities for the transfer.

Please all the paperwork for the change and beneficiary and the letter of
application will be handled by my attorney, who has being so dear and wonderful
to me, and my late husband. He stood with us through thick and thin, and all I
can do is to continue to offer prayers to the Lord on his behalf. He is a very
nice and easy going man, and he will assist you all the way.His name is:

Barrister Nick Thorne

email:[email protected]

Get in touch with him asap, so that I can get this concluded before I pass
on.Please I plead with you to ensure that you disburse and utilize the funds
when you lay claim to it, judiciously.
May the Lord be with us all. AMEN

Yours in the Lord,
Pamela.

What the heck. Hannah's game. She forwards the mail with this addition.

Quote:

I'm supposed to contact you and find out what to do about these funds.

Thanks,
Hannah

And in rides the barrister, with a bad case of RandOM CAPItaliZAtion.

Quote:

To:Hannah Leeds

Date:1st December 2004

Dear Madam,
I am in receipt of your email, and have being in touch with Mrs Pamela Welsh and have discussed extensively on how funds would be remitted to you in due course, in your capacity as holder for value and holder in due course of the funds, and upon completion of the required probate requirements with the appropriate authorities, and change of beneficairy process with the Bank where the funds are presently domiciled.

For me to commence the entire process in a timely manner, I would need you to transcribe the form and the attached Power Of Attorney below in a plain sheet,fill,sign and scan back to me as an attachment via email so that it can be sent to the Bank.

I await the executed Form.

Looking forward to a wonderful working relationship between our organisation and your good self.

I remain most obliged,

Nick Thorne.

For: Nick Thorne & Associates.

The form is below and the Power of Attorney is attached to this email:

RE-APPLICATION FORM FOR RELEASE OF FUNDS.

Name: .................................................................................................

Address: ..............................................................................................

Phone/ Fax No: ....................................................................................

Email: ..................................................................................................

Date: ....................................................................................................

The Director of Accounts Dept,

Royal Bank of Scotland.

18 Ellon Road,

Bridge of Don,

Aberdeen.

AB238EA

Scotland,UK.

Dear Sir,

Ref: A/c # 893k7-1996/Ecb of Late MR.GERALD P.WELSH.

This is to inform you that I Hannah Leeds is the direct beneficiary of the funds of Late MR.GERALD P.WELSH who is happily married to Mrs.PAMELA WELSH, and died after a brief illness in the month of October 1999.

On checking the various records Late Mr Greald Welsh, we found that he maintained an account with your Securities and Finance firm with the above a/c # 893k7-1996/Ecb. Some of the deceased's records suggest that there was a credit balance of about �7.5Million(Seven Milion Five hundred thousand pound sterling) in the account.

As the new beneficiary, as his living wife is currently sick of cancer, I would now like to submit my application to your esteemed bank for release of Late MR.GERALD WELSH funds in your Securities Firm, in the above said a/c #, and also in other accounts, if any.

Please let me know all the information I am required to provide to back up my claim.

You may note that these funds are needed to assist the less privilledged and also to uplift those whom are naturally deformed/disabled as instructed by his seriuosly ill wife, Mrs.Pamela Welsh. Therefore, I would request you to please process my claim and release the funds as early as possible.

Thanks for your co-operation.

Yours faithfully

��.

AUTHORISED SIGNATORY

Attached is a rather crap power of attorney form slapped together in Word. And I do mean slapped together.

Ah, but Hannah throws a little legal question back, first. Because mrsbean is feeling damned lazy and doesn't want to fill out the damned thing right now.

Quote:

Before I sign, I need for you to explain the required probate requirements in
more detail, please. I really like to know what I'm in for before I sign a
Power of Attorney.

Thanks,
Hannah

Annnnd Nicky boy drops back and punts with the closest thing to an answer that he can come up with.

Quote:

Dear Hannah,

Thanks for the query.

The probate requirement entails the registration of the Death certificate with the probate office by the Bank on your behalf and the notarization of a copy of your ID with them as it applies here in the UK.

Please, get the executed submitted so that it can be taken to the Bank in the morning.

Respectfully yours,

Nick.

Well, that's about as helpful as a real lawyer. Hannah replies.

Quote:

I'm sorry, but I don't understand your last statement. Get the executed what
submitted to who? And what sort of ID does it need to be? Do I need to get it
notarized, or do you?

Hannah

Okay, Nick does slightly better this time around.

Quote:

Dear Hannah,

When I said the executed, I mean the filled Form.Do get is sent back to me so that we can move forward.The notarisation id your ID will be carried out by me on your behalf.

I await your email.

Respectfully,

Nick.

I'll throw him a bone.

Quote:

Attached in is my completed, signed, and scanned in form.

Hannah

If you can call a 355K corrupted jpg a bone.

Nick, smarter than the average lad, actually does try clicking it.

Quote:

Dear Hannah,

How are you today?

I am sorry I could not preview the Form you sent to me.Please kindly resend it.

Rgds,

Nick.

I know I'm heartened when my attorney insists on using chatspeak, aren't you?

Oh, dear me, Hannah tries again.

Quote:

Sorry, I hope that wasn't because of something I did. I can open the old one
fine on my end, but to be safe, I scanned it in again and the new file is
attached.

Hannah

332 K of nothing, this time.

Nick must have given up on that modality for a while, because he comes in with this.

Quote:

To:Hannah Leeds

Date:8th December 2004

Dear Madam,

I am pleased to inform you that we have started this
process, and I have formally applied to the bank this
morning for the commencement of the change of
beneficiary/re-assignment of credit process which will
lead to the eventual transfer of funds to you.
Find attached a draft of letter that was submitted
to the bank, as I have an appointment to meet them later today.

You are also to note that our legal charges which is 0.2% of your total claim amounting to Fifteen Thousand Pounds Sterling (15,000.00) as specified by the Legal Practitioners Fees Act 1997 would be borne by you upon completion of our legal obligation to you and upon your confirmation of the total sum of 7.5million pound sterling in your account.

Be noted that the Bank official with whom I have been dealing, MR DAVID DUNN notified me that they will get in touch with you as soon as the Application for the release of your entitlements are checked.

Best wishes,

Nick Thorne

He also attaches a slightly less crap letter to the bank in rich text format. Well played, well played. The only important thing you need to know abut the letter is that it was one page, but referred to a "page six". I later grab onto that like a pit bull.

Mr. Dunn from the Royal Bank of Scotland joins the fray. Nice that he has an accountant.com address, hmm?

Quote:

Dear Hannah Leeds

I am Mr David Dunn, the Director of Finance dept of the Royal Bank Of Scotland. We of the Finance dept. are in receipt of your Form duly submitted to us earlier today by Barrister Nick Thorne concerning the RE:Assignment of credit to administer the estate of Late Mr Gerald Patrick Welsh whose funds was deposited here with in the year 1999 before he passed on.

We have been in touch woth the wife Mrs Pamela Welsh and she has comfirmed that the RE:Assignment of credit be made to you.You as therefore requested to send immediately a scanned copy of your Drivers License or a scanned Copy of your International Passport.

As soon as the required is provided, the Scottish probate Office will immediately be notified so that the Grant approval to your request to administer the estate of the Deaseased.Do act promptly so that your entitlement be granted you earliest.

Have a wonderful day as we look forward to serving you our esteemed client.

Kindest Regards,

David Dunn

For RBS Finance Dept.

I refrain from replying that the grammar in this thing is atrocious, and he should be blushing clear up in under his kilt...

Anyway, here comes the pit bull portion of our show.

Quote:

I hate to be bother, but you only sent me the first page of what you sent to
the bank. I need a copy of the rest (you refer to page 6 in your letter, so
there must be at least 6 pages) of the document you sent to the bank for my
records. I'm sure it won't be too much trouble, since you must have kept
copies of what you sent to the bank.

Thanks,
Hannah

The little sweetie also replies to the Scotsman.

Quote:

Attached is a copy of my identification.

Thanks,
Hannah

Only.. . whoops. She forgets to attach anything.

Nick tries to do some fancy dancin' around the subject. He fails miserably.

Quote:

Dear Hannah,

Thanks for the mail.

Please, do not bother about the other pages as they are really not of your concern, moreover they have all been submitted to the Bank.The other copies that are with me have already been stored in my Files and I cannot go back to start searching them coz I have a lot of work on hand to cover for other clients also.

Do bear with me.Keep me posted on messages from the Bank.

Respectfully,

Nick.

Oh, noes! Not in the Files! You'll never get them back once they're in there! Well, Hannah's determined that this lad is going to have to work if he wants even the smell of some cash.

So she replies.

Quote:

------ Original Message ------
Received: Wed, 08 Dec 2004 02:09:00 PM EST
From: nicholas thorne <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Commencement.

>
> Dear Hannah,
>
> Thanks for the mail.
>
> Please, do not bother about the other pages as they are really not of >your
concern,

They most certainly are my concern. You are submitting these documents in
order to put the money in my name. I wish to have copies of them for my
files.

>moreover they have all been submitted to the Bank.The other copies that >are
with me have already been stored in my Files and I cannot go back to >start
searching them coz I have a lot of work on hand to cover for other >clients
also.

Surely you have legal assistants and secretaries that take care of filing and
retrieving files, don't you? Surely you don't mean to tell me you are the only
person working in your office. You just recently filed them. They can't be
that buried. All I want is a copy of them. An emailed scan would do. I've
never dealt with a lawyer who flat out refused to provide copies of legal
documents that pertain to me.
>
> Do bear with me.Keep me posted on messages from the Bank.
>
> Respectfully,
>
> Nick.

I'm a very patient woman, Mr. Thorne, but I'm afraid I can't "bear with" a
refusal to provide me with copies of documents pertaining to this transaction.
If your filing is so disorganized that you can't find a document that was
filed very recently, perhaps it's time to change the way you store documents.
I'm making a very, very reasonable request Mr. Thorne. I wish to have copies
of those documents. Please provide them to me as soon as possible.

Hannah Leeds

However, Nick is apparently lazy. How do these lazy lads make any money? Most of them seem to lazy to breathe if they could get out of it. How do they work up the will to slog to the WU even?

Quote:

Dear HANNAH,

Take the correction that my files are not at all scattered.I only told you in my last email that I have too many documents in there and I do not like to tamper with them once they have been files unless I have a case to defend.Why don't you just give me updates from the BANK instead of bothering yourself about the other parts of the letter that was sent to the Bank.

I await the Banking updates.

Respectfully,

Nick.

I make one last heel digging, but no dice.

Quote:

No decent lawyer would refuse to give me copies of documents that pertain to
my case. I refuse to continue until I receive copies of those documents.

Hannah

As he wasn't too exciting and I had plenty of other lads on the line at the time, I didn't really pursue him very hard. Hopefully, I at least made him shell out for some more documents or have to revise his "letter to the bank". One of the "dead on the vine" baits, I'm afraid, but maybe someone can use the same technique on a more willing lad to whom you can devote more attention.