Mugu 2000 (update: mugu left standing at airport)

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Posted: Wed Jan 19, 2005 7:24 pm

Obligatory disclaimer: This bait contains some strong language, and not just in English.

So this drops into my inbox. I've seen this specific letter a few times recently, but I'm concentrating my efforts on its first sender.

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I've never heard of Celestine as a male name, but I digress. Before we continue, I'd like to apologise for the lousy standard of my German. Mostly the product of Google Language Tools. It shouldn't be a problem considering that most lads barely even know English.

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(The street name is a direct translation of my screen name into German, and the postcode contains 419 backwards. He's based in Munich because it was chosen at random from the list of available @placename.com addresses on mail.com, and his name comes from a complicated department in-joke and doesn't specifically relate to the former Leeds United and England manager. That was a bit of good luck, especially when it came to making the "passport".)

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(The customer number. I ask him to quote this, but from experience he won't. Good slap material down the line. The reason for my choice of number should be clear from reading the numbers as letters.)

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My reply came in duplicate.

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Points 1 and 3 on the list I'd already given him Rolling Eyes

, 2 I can sort with the mock passport, and as for the phone/fax number I'm just leaving it out for now.

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There was a deliberately bad fake passport jpg attached, which I'll post as soon as I figure out how to upload. In the meantime, I'll just have to wait and see what happens. Smile

Posted: Thu Jan 20, 2005 4:55 pm

Well, he seems keen.

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Time to introduce a little speed-bump to drag this out a bit. A tree is blown onto the Munich office by a windstorm, in one of the best bits of timing ever. Enter the UK representative of Friedel-Crafts.

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By the way, the Dutch rep's name translates as "d!ckhead arsef*cker". Thanks to insultmonger.com for that one.

Posted: Sat Jan 22, 2005 1:56 pm

I've got 2 replies. One was to Howard redirected to Jarvis, and went:

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The other was to Jarvis:

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Posted: Sat Jan 22, 2005 2:29 pm

So here we go.

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Posted: Sat Jan 22, 2005 2:52 pm

Scheisshaus Laughing

Great work.

Posted: Tue Jan 25, 2005 10:00 pm

Well, I've got him worried. This arrives in Howard's inbox.

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Of course, Howard has recovered by now. I reply as him, with the new address (glad you liked it btw Very Happy

) at the top.

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Posted: Wed Jan 26, 2005 10:22 pm

What do you know? Looks like modalities are back on the menu:

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I've left the Yahoo footer in for irony value. Howard is, of course, only too willing to oblige. The CEO's name is the same as the Dutch rep's name earlier, only in German rather than Dutch, and the phone number belongs to a payphone at Munich central railway station. I don't know who if anyone will pick up, but it sure as hell won't be me.

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Dangle a bit (well, a lot) of money in front of the mugu and watch him run. The text file was a Pulp song that I'd run through the English to Lad Translator, and read thus:

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If can make sense of that, then I'll be shocked. The original filename on my PC is mugu2000.txt, but needless to say I renamed it before sending. Shocked

Posted: Sat Jan 29, 2005 2:57 pm

Well, no mention of "Mugu 2000" in his reply. Though that has given me a new title for this thread. ALLCAPS ALERT!

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Reply to be sent Monday. Smile

Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2005 9:27 pm

Or not. Figured it might be fun to keep him dangling for a bit. Twisted Evil

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About time I tried getting something from him, I think. And also time that got back in the picture. Literally.

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Posted: Sat Feb 05, 2005 8:08 pm

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I wonder why... Laughing

Of course, the first law of baiting states that the problem is always at the lad's end:

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Chase the dangling financial carrot, mugu.

Posted: Sun Feb 06, 2005 2:17 pm

This is getting silly, but at least I'm wasting his time as he tries to ring that payphone...

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Guest

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Ah, more Pulp gags - keep 'em up!

Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2005 2:22 pm

Will do indeed. I thought I'd lost the opportunity since he blew off that character, but that wasn't the case.

Welcome to the forum! Very Happy

Posted: Tue Feb 08, 2005 6:26 pm

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I don't know why it's suddenly moved from Holland to Spain either. According to Google, doesn't exist, in Spain or anywhere else. The email address looks suspiciously like one of mail.com's @placename.com addresses, because I'm using two of them for this very bait. Laughing

Posted: Wed Feb 09, 2005 1:07 am

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The actual translation is more along the lines of "what idiot believes this bullshit".

Posted: Wed Feb 09, 2005 8:05 am

I've got this ready to send to the security company later on when "business opens".

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With a name like Celestine you didn't think I'd pass up an opportunity for a gender-bending gag, did you? I'm going by the "Esq" in the original post: if the lad actually is female then she's even denser than I'd hitherto given her credit for.

Posted: Thu Feb 10, 2005 9:01 pm

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Hadn't checked his/her/its other mailbox yet, I gather. I got this:

Modalities indeed. I like how he forgot how to spell his own name. Quick reply.

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Needless to say, that Spanish bit isn't really a prayer. The actual translation, if Google Language Tools haven't fluffed, is:

Jarvis Cocker wrote:

I want to live like common people. I want to do whatever common people do. I want to sleep with common people. I want to sleep with common people like you.

That one's for labrat. Oh, and I "forgot" to attach the passport.

Posted: Sun Feb 13, 2005 10:37 pm

Why the bleep does he have to send everything as bulky picture attachments? Oh well, it's his bandwidth. I'm hardly likely to run out. Twisted Evil

The image is linked rather than embedded, to avoid WASS:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v111/viacaltha/celestineletter2.gif

and a transcript:

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Also this from Celestine, who seems to be keeping up nicely the pretence of being someone separate from the supposedly Spanish (but blatantly not if he thinks Pulp lyrics are a prayer Laughing

) security trust person.

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So here we go. This to the guy in Madrid.

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Always take any opportunity to get your pets to stand in the arrivals section of a busy international airport in the middle of the afternoon, holding a sign that reads "suck my dick". The flight cited is, incidentally, genuine.

And this is to put Celestine's mind at rest:

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You can't tell me you didn't see the mis-ups joke coming a mile off.

Guest

Good slap material - if this was really a European affair, they would use a '.' to separate thousands, not a ',' like us.

So he's asking for 18.5 Euros.

PS. Thanks for trying to translate Common People, even though it came out as Villager, it was still funny.

PPS. At the moment, you're classed as a 'Master Baiter' - is that meant to be a compliment?

Posted: Mon Feb 14, 2005 11:34 am

Maybe send something like this:

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Clarify that you are requesting the sum of €18,500 (eighteen and one half euros). Thank you.

Posted: Mon Feb 14, 2005 7:45 pm

And here's his latest ginormous GIF letter. Guess they've never heard of text attachments in Spain.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v111/viacaltha/celestineletter3.gif

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Now to wait. Google tells me that the hotel is real and a 5 star to boot, so if they've really made the reservation I've wasted them a nice bit of money. Twisted Evil

Guest

I've dealt with this particular chain before:

their website is www.solmelia.com - but I don't know if reservations can be checked through it.

Posted: Tue Feb 15, 2005 6:17 pm

From Celestine:

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When did Se�or Gonzalez lose his doctorate? Probably the same place Howard seemed to mislay his. Speedy reply.

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Of course I shouldn't. It's only just over a tenner. Laughing

Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2005 11:03 am

Ayup. Celestine is worried about me, and I get this just as I'm waiting to board my flight at Munich airport. Or not.

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So I put his mind at rest, again.

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Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2005 6:25 pm

So now the security company are in a stress. Amazingly, Howard wasn't at Madrid airport this afternoon. Fancy that! Twisted Evil

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Of course it was their fault. Howard is in Madrid, but the modalities were all haywire.

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"An enemy of four one nine has taken your goat." Cheers to labrat for checking the translation.

This next one I sent to Celestine bcc'd to the fake security company.

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