Handjob guy

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Guest

LOL

Posted: Tue Jan 18, 2005 6:34 pm

I'm at work and I totally failed to keep a straight face!!!!

That is some funny shite, monkey man!

bow_down

Posted: Tue Jan 18, 2005 6:37 pm

WTG McFlibbish. Very Funny.

Posted: Tue Jan 18, 2005 6:59 pm

Awesome!!! Laughing

Posted: Tue Jan 18, 2005 7:52 pm

The very last line of his response made me lol.

Quote:

Date: Tue, 18 Jan 2005
From: "Your Bishop"
Subject: News!
To: g.horst

Here is a clipping I had my assistant scan in this
morning.

Thank you for your patience in this matter. With your
help we were able to arrest him.

What is the address to send your banner back to you?

Yours and Blessings!
Rev. Pole.

Quote:

Dear Bishop,

This is a very interesting news and a welcome development, I was
saying it time without number that I never receive a cent after all
my sufferings and indebtness to people who assisted me financially to
met up with the requirements, but Mr.Butmunch never care to listen to
me rather he kept on feeling indiference and stone cold in my cryings
and yielding. I know the humiliations I suffered at several western
union payment locations, even at a time I shouted at a paying officer
nearly warranted me being arrested except for the fact that I am well
known in that bank. Even my office is being taken over because I was
unable to pay the November and December rents.

Well, as requested here is the address :-

Sir, I don't know since I met up with the requirements coupled with
the amounts I borrowed from friend and family members to get this
done, what is going to happen to the loan?, please you must re-
integrate me into the system because I have a lovely set up that
can't be matched up anywhere in Africa. I have a school already
running that involves youth and adults alike who in theior life time
never think of making it in life but see me as a God sent.

Please sir, you must do something now in my case, since I have not
had the privillege of receiving the $3,000 purported to have been
sent by Mr.Buttmunch I suggest the money is sent to me according to
my earlier instructiion as per the PAYMENT MODALITIES.

I count greatly on your wisdom and fatherly intervention on this
matter as quickly as you have taken every other thing concerning me.

My warmest regards and more blessings while we continue to engorge
more people.

Sincerely,
Johnson C.

Posted: Tue Jan 18, 2005 8:32 pm

Quote:

...for the fact that I am well known in that bank.

Yeah, no shit! Mr. Green

"What? You again? WuXfer generated MTCN? Get outta here you crazy mugu!" Laughing

Posted: Tue Jan 18, 2005 8:54 pm

Oh, I can't take it anymore. I'm crying at work. Embarassed

Posted: Tue Jan 18, 2005 10:11 pm

Quote:

I know the humiliations I suffered at several western union payment locations

Excellent work McFlibbish! clapping

But I really think you must stop him engorging more people! Shocked

Posted: Thu Jan 20, 2005 4:59 am

thanks jez Very Happy

but tell me if I got this one wrong. I don't have to send the old banner back...but did he just say he'd make me another banner?!

Quote:

To: the bishop
Subject: Re: News!

Dear Sir,

I am very much desirous of reading your kind reply. I think and
believe in you that the promise will be fulfilled to the letter.
Since Mr.Buttmunch has been proved wrong, that no cent was sent to
me, I think it is your duty at this point in time to ensure that the
money intended for me is sent without much ado.

I will ever be grateful if this is promptly done as I am at brick of
losing my office and the school because of non-payment of instructors
and rent. Please Sir, I humbly request that something is done today
to salvage the situation, and allow me to continue with the good job
which I believe you known me for.

As I mentioned in my earlier mail today to you, there is absolutely
no need returning the banner to me because the freight cost will be
more expensive than producing a new one here. I intend to produce an
new and more than acceptable replica now with the Engorging logo on
it.

Please revert to me now as I will be waiting for your good news or
you can reach me on telephone number 234 803 3071175.

Very best regards and blessings,

Johnson C.

I'm not sure he did...exactly. But off to banner making he goes...hopefully. Twisted Evil

Quote:

To: g.horst
You have a new banner made?
This is fantastic news! Your last banner was quite a
hit here at the conference. And with the latest
ugliness that happened with Ima Buttmunch, we are
quite sad lately.
Please send the photos of the new banner as soon as
you can. It will brighten our days here and I know all
will be grateful.

By the way, I've been contacted by another person who
wants to open another branch of the Helping Handjob
Service in another town in your country. [likely himself, as no one else knows about it Rolling Eyes

] Would you be
interested in taking charge of the organization of
that branch too? Just until it got started. I have not
contacted them back yet, as I wanted to talk to you
first as well as get the whole Ima Buttmunch thing
behind us.

I am sorry to hear of your recent problems, but I know
things will get better soon. Once the authorities find
the money Mr. Buttmunch stole from us I will be able
to get it to you right away. The police say it will be
very soon. Please stand by with us in this time of
need.

And do send the photos of the new banner when you can.

Blessings as always!
Rev. Pole

Read Ana L. Felcher v. Mary Benson here! · Master of Master Baiters Joined: 01 Apr 2004 Posts: 751

Another perp booked on suspicion of being "plain not nice". When will they ever learn?

Posted: Thu Jan 20, 2005 2:42 pm

Well I'll be damned. Very Happy

I might be, but not for this. It writes itself sometimes.

Quote:

Dear Sir,

Many thanks for your reply.

No, I have not made the new banner yet because of lack of funds and
it will be cheaper to make a new banner than sending back the one
with you. I will see what I can do about the new banner but please do
resend me the Engorging Logo in color.

Yes, I will be able to manage any branch both in outside Nigeria, all
you have got to do is to ask me and support me financially to make it
happen. And again, I do really understood what you said about
Mr.Buttmunch saga,and really appreciates your unflinching support and
care, my only problem is the rent and trainers salary, if this is not
given to me fast enough I will be loosing the finest location and the
best trainers in this venture. I single handledly hand picked these
men and they know their onions. Even if you can assist me outside the
program and take it back when the saga is over I won't mind, just to
keep things going in good shape.

I awaits the receipt of the logo by email attachment on jpg file.

My regards and blessings,

Johnson C.

Guest

Get him to put that on the banner... Heh!

Posted: Thu Jan 20, 2005 2:51 pm

I give up

Baiting Guru Joined: 08 Jul 2004 Posts: 11857 Location: UK

Tha's some good stuff McFlibbish, and as said above, you gotta get that quote on the new banner Laughing

Posted: Thu Jan 20, 2005 5:02 pm

ok so how's this response? I layered the sophmoric penile humor in there pretty thick. Uh...no pun intended. Very Happy

Quote:

From: "Your Bishop"
Subject: Soon, please hold on
To: g.horst

First, I want to say thank you for accepting the post
as overseer of this new branch. I don't know the
disposition of it yet and will keep you informed. They
will need to supply all the usual modalities prior to
becoming a branch, as you know. So it may take some
time.

Second, I've attached two jpg files. One regular sized
and one large file. Let me know if these will work for
you or not. I know Father Bustagonad will be so
pleased to see the new banner. He was the one who
hired Ima Buttmunch and feels just terrible about it.
[edit: for reference here>> is the logo]

Last, as for the men who know their onions. I
personally appreciate their stiff resolve in the face
of problems. Given the recent situation with the
lawyer and all, the whole Handjob Community is being
scrutinzed. Some think we'll just roll over and be
lathered! I don't think this is the case. We just need
to shave a bit, you know, tidy up. Some say doing so
will make us look bigger anyway. The bottom line is,
we just need to wait a bit for the police to wrap up
that wrascle. Can you keep them on the verge for just
a bit longer? Perhaps have a week break?

Thank you again, I will keep you informed of the
progress of the other branch too.
Blessings!

P.S.
Your email below gave me an idea. Perhaps along with
our standard motto "Engorging one member at a time"
on the new banner, we can add your suggestion of
"These men know their onions!".
Locally, it may mean more to perspective members. What
do you think? I like it.
Blessings!

Guest

I cannot wait to see this one! Laughing

Posted: Fri Jan 21, 2005 3:12 pm

Well he's gonna get making it. And perhaps another. See he is very excited about the prospect of being the Overlord of Handjob Servicing.

Quote:

Subject: Re: Soon, please hold on
Dear Sir,

I thank you so much for your understanding and care. Yes, I will
oversee the activities of the new branch very perfectly. All I need
is their location to visit them and guide them on the modaliteos
since I know it very well.

On the new banner, I will start the production as soon as the muslim
festival is over tomorrow, and I will scan and send to you as soon as
it is ready. I may also give the new brance a guide line or the
skeleton to produce theirs too.

I understands you very well on the issue at hand concerning
Mr.Buttmunch and I will wait until you have rectify issues with the
local police authority.

I have asked all those to wait until funds are made available to me
which ultimately they have all accepted including the owner of the
property where we operate. I have the intention of getting something
of our own in the near future thereby curtail the expenses of the
shylock landlords [ Laughing

].

Please give me a few days to get back to you with the new banner.

Regards,
Johnson C.

He also confirms that the banner will have the onions saying on it:

Quote:

Subject: IDEA NOTED WITH THANKS

Dear Sir,

Yes, I will insert that saying in the new banner, I will also ensure that
the new branch did the same. It is a great and lovely idea too.

If you have any information about the location of the intending new
branch please pass it over to me.

Regards,
Johnson C.

Posted: Fri Jan 21, 2005 8:10 pm

Have gotten the other branch ready for him yet? Twisted Evil

Guest

I think your logo is going to be the new desktop on my computer at home...

Laughing

Posted: Fri Jan 21, 2005 10:09 pm

Shake, I can hear it now..."Why does that mushroom have a rainbow coming out of its head?" "uh...don't look at that" Laughing

cemeadors, the 'other branch' and Johnson are writing to each other beautifully now. 7 emails at least I have been cc'd on. I wonder how they got the exact same IP address tho? Laughing

So he's writing loooong emails back n forth to himself. What a dipthong...

edit: here's an example

Quote:

Dear Dr.Maduka,

Sequel to a mail forwarded to me by His Lordship Father Bulky Pole
of helping Handsjob service of the United States concerning your
interest to become a member of the Engorging Member family. I wish
to request for the following information to enable me visit you and
see by myself what you have on the ground and the best possible way
to guide you to become a member of this royal and honorable family :-

1. WHERE YOU ARE LOCATED, COMPLETE ADDRESS PLEASE
2. TELEPHONE NUMBER [S]IF ANY
3. NAME IN FULL
4. A DATE FAVOURABLE FOR YOU TO VISIT

With the above requested information I will be able to trace you.

Thanking and praying for you for his mercies upon you and your
entire family members.

Sincerely yours,
Johnson Chinoso

Posted: Fri Jan 21, 2005 10:49 pm

That is hilarious Laughing

. He is writing back and forth to hisself? This is the funniest bait I've seen in a long time. Great Work!

Guest

lol

that's the ultimate time waster! Him writing loong emails back and forth to himself. Excellent baiting!

Posted: Sun Jan 23, 2005 3:56 pm

After several long emails he's going to meet himself. Wonder how that'll go?

Quote:

Subject: Re: RE: HELPING HANDS JOB SERVICE
CC: thebishop

Dear Dr.Maduka,

Thanks for your message. Please be informed that I will be in your
office next week wednesday. Before departing Lagos, I will call to
notify you first.

Very best regards,
Johnson Chinoso

Posted: Tue Jan 25, 2005 7:58 pm

He's (sticking with penile jokes) playing with himself and NOW he's gone and done this:

Quote:

From:
Date: Tue, 25 Jan 2005
To: thebishop
Subject: News/ New development

Dear Sir,

I think it will be more than appropriate for be the name that reflect
the helpinghandjob service. I therefore decided to create a new
website thus:

WEBSITE: www.helpinghandjobeservices.xxxxxxx.com
EMAIL ADDRESS: [email protected]

Here is your new E-mail address and Instant Messenger:

Your E-mail address: [email protected]
Login Name: xxxxxxx
Password: xxxxxx
Login URL: http://helpinghandjobeservices.xxxxxx.com

You may change the password yourself later.

When you want to login, set your browser to :
www.helpinghandjobeservices.xxxxx.com.
Regards,
Johnson C.

There isn't much there, but I didn't post it as I don't want him to see 1000 people coming from well...anywhere.

Baiting Guru Joined: 08 Jul 2004 Posts: 11857 Location: UK

Got them making a website for you now, that's a classic mate, brillians stuff Laughing