Reverend Quin and his nigerian parish

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Baiting Guru Joined: 25 Jul 2017 Posts: 2107

I hope the cracks in the parging are not symbolic of dissent in the membership.
This lad is special.

Posted: Sun May 24, 2020 6:23 am

^^^ Yeap, exactly! Laughing

- Late last night he gathered his parishioners and performed "the Admiration of the Monument". Laughing

- Today there will be a meeting of the Elders of the Church and I am very sure that the Committee will approve the Monument of Faith and recommend the last stage of the Admission process: the Baptism Ceremony. I have no doubt that it will be something special. Twisted Evil

Posted: Sun May 24, 2020 7:01 am

Is the animal depicted on the white side supposed to be The Holy Lamb Itself? It looks more like a wild boar to me but both are pretty dang delicious so whatever. I will say that if it IS the Lamb then Quinn is committing a major sin by casting his mortal shadow upon a sacred immortal symbol in pics 2 and 3. I wonder what all they talked about during this most Holiest of Holy celebrations! Very cool Razz

Posted: Sun May 24, 2020 8:30 am

I thought he was doing some half-assed shadow puppet show! Although doing an adult version of Donald Duck is probably not appropriate for such a sacred monument as this Very Happy

Top quality baiting sirs!

Posted: Sun May 24, 2020 12:33 pm

5:29 Quin

Quote:

dear sister Dave good morning how was your night and how is fatherEd doing today today hopefully he is OK now we have been praying
for him to recover quickly and pls acknowledge the receive of the
picture sorry it came late due to my phone was so bad

13:00 Sister Dave

Quote:

Dear brother Quin,

Thank you for your message. Father Ed has returned home yesterday but he didn't regain all his strength yet. It will probably take some time for him to recover fully, but we thank God that He decided to spare him from this unfortunate virus. Glory to the Holy Lamb! Hallelujah!
I received your pictures and I have given them to the Elders to review today. When father Ed has the strength he will also look at them before they will allow proceeding with the baptism ceremony.
We will get back to you with more information later today or tomorrow.

Be blessed
Sister Dave

We have a very obedient idiot who has done everything we asked of him so far as long as we kept reminding him of the money that would be coming is way soon. And don't forget he showed interest in becoming BOA, so after the baptism there might be another special task for him ahead.

Posted: Sun May 24, 2020 8:40 pm

16.45 - Reverend Ed wrote to our moron:

Quote:

Dear Quin, dear my son,
I am glad to see such beautiful materials that prove how strong your Faith is and how well you can lead the people around you. Surely you will be a Reverend full of Heavenly Grace and with certainty that the future holds only pleasant surprises for you. Son, I'm very proud of you!

Today's meeting of the Church Elders' Committee looked at all of these materials in depth, and our dear secretary Dave read for us also some of your messages. We are pleased to tell you that the vote was unanimous and that everyone decided for you to continue the Admission process with the last stage: The Sacred Ceremony of your Baptism. Congratulations my son, congratulations!

Son, the way of the Cross is long and difficult, but at its end the Salvation awaits you! The Baptism Ceremony is practically the End and the Beginning, it is that sacred moment in which the Holy Spirit descends on you and offers you the Heavenly powers that you will need for your future career as a Reverend. All those around you will be touched by Holiness and will feel the power of the Holy Lamb.

Brother Quin, I understand very well that the whole Ceremony has already been explained to you by our dear sister Dave. Of course I will be here for any other necessary explanations. Please tell me what you understood about the Baptism Ceremony and ask me everything you want me to explain.

Sister Dave sent me your best wishes (when I was in the hospital) and told me that you had prayed for my health. Thank you, on behalf of all the members of the Board of Directors of the Holy Lamb Community!
Be blesses, in the sacred name of our Holy Lamb!
Rev. Ed

===

Posted: Mon May 25, 2020 8:12 am

Sunda
17:18 Quin

Quote:

dear sister Dave good afternoon how was the service hope it was
great am so happy to hear that father Ed is back home I pray that
healing shall be complete and permanent IJN Amen
thanks brother Quin

Monday
4:48

Quote:

dear sister Dave good morning how was your night thanks for the good
work you have been doing on my behalf am so grateful God bless you
richly ,pls sister dave can you pls forward to me how the baptismal
ceremony will look like pls
brother quin

9:11 Sister Dave

Quote:

Dear brother Quin,

You could have gone back to my message from April 12 that I have sent to you with all the instructions for the Baptism ceremony. I will copy that part of the message for you below. If you have any questions or need guidance please contact father Edor me.

Be blessed
Sister Dave

<copy of the instructions>

Posted: Mon May 25, 2020 8:23 am

Monday

- I don't think he slept very well, because he sent me the next message at 04.45. Laughing

Quote:

dear chancellor Edward good morning how was your night sir am so happy
to read from my father in the Lord am so thankful for restoring my
father in the Lord fully thanks for your word of encouragement sir may
our good Lord protect you sir.pls sir pls sir can you pls explain to
me better on what to do better sister Dave has send the process to
me before but it been long pls sir can I get it back thanks for your
understanding sir
your son in the Lord Quin

09.17 - My old Chancellor writes to our dear reverend Quin:

Quote:

God bless you, dear my son Quin!

The Baptism Ceremony is the last step of the ladder that goes up to the Gate of access to your spirituality; just as John the Baptist baptized those who came to join the Faith.
It is a symbolic moment that marks your transition to the position of Reverend, as a full member of the Holy Lamb Community. Be blessed, in the sacred name of our Holy Lamb!

Basically, the Baptism Ceremony is a public event that your entire team must attend. The ceremony consists of the following steps:
- Everyone must be present there, around the Sacred Pyramid. All the parishioners of your parish, all those who have helped so far.
- You will need to choose 2 assistants to help you in the Baptism process. They will stand behind you, permanently, throughout the ceremony and will sing hymns of glory.
- You will kneel and say (aloud and with a clear voice) the prayer "Our Father". In your arms must be that sacred chicken.
- After you finish the prayer, you will raise both arms up and look at Heaven. The chicken will be held in your right hand.
- You will speak in an extremely clear voice the following "sacred words" for 3 times:

"I baptize myself in the spirit of the Holy Lamb!
I will offer milk and honey to those who will follow ME!
Glory to the Holy Lamb!"

- At the same time, behind you will be those 2 assistants who will pour "milk and honey" on your head, as in the Exodus - chapter 3.17 - when Moses promises to his tribe that he will offer them milk and honey: "And I have promised you that I will bring you up from the misery of Egypt to the land of the Canaanites, Hethites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites, and Jebusites... a land flowing with milk and honey."

- The whole ceremony must be photographed and filmed, from as many angles and positions as possible.
- All the sacred moments of your Baptism must be clearly seen on photos/video and must be well documented because it will remain in the electronic archives of the church.
- Instead of real milk and honey you will use white paint (to symbolize "the milk") and yellow paint (to symbolize "the honey"). 10-liter buckets of white paint and 10- liter bucket of yellow paint will be enough for the entire ceremony.

I hope that now everything is clear and that you have understood what needs to be done. The ceremony must be done in the morning (not at night!)
If you have any more questions, I'm here. For small details, stay in touch with our dear Secretary Dave.

Unde the Grace of the Holy Lamb, be blessed!
Rev. Eduard

===

Posted: Mon May 25, 2020 9:37 am

^^ Hmmm, 20 liters of paint instead of milk and honey Shocked

I hope you didn't push it TOO far Laughing

Posted: Mon May 25, 2020 10:56 am

^^^ I do not understand what you mean; It is known that the Faith requires sacrifices, isn't it? How else could he become a true servant of the Holy Lamb? Laughing

Especially since this is not the end of his religious career. Both Linoline and I intend to offer the idiot a job as Bishop of Africa ... in short, we want to get him tattooed. Laughing

Let's not forget what was his first message to me (end of January):

Quote:

Dear Sir,

I am a senior accountant with the federal ministry of aviation here in
Nigeria. I got your contact through a friend of mine who is a diplomat and has once work in your country. Proposal i want you to assist me in transferring some fund out of my country

This money came from contract over invoicing and inflation, of
Contract sum. I became the senior accountant of my ministry not long ago .
When i assumed office i discovered this money floating in my
ministry's Account.

My investigation disclosed that the money was meant for foreign
Contractors who did some works in my ministry in the past. These
Foreign Contractors have been paid in full but this money still remains as a debt in our account books.

I have decided to secretly transfer this money out of my country and
to Convert this money to my private use. The safest way of doing this, is to transfer this money overseas on the pretext that it is being paid to Contractors that are being owed by my ministry. i will give you more information when i get your respond thanks.

best regards
Sani.

Posted: Mon May 25, 2020 5:24 pm

^^^ to be fair Quinn probably has a bunch of paint left over from the monument so doing the task this way saves him money. Plus, it's a bit ungodly to dump copious amounts of perfectly good milk and honey on the ground in an area of relatively high poverty Laughing

Posted: Mon May 25, 2020 9:47 pm

^^^ LOL!

Two messages from the reverend... he's worried and, for the first time, he's asking for money. I'll answer him tomorrow.

18.05

Quote:

dear sir chancellor Edward good evening
thanks for your mail
now I understanding you well
hope you are much better now
pls be strong for me
thanks
your son in the Lord
Quin

and
22.19

Quote:

dear sir chancellor Edward good evening how was your day
pls sir I want to understand you clearly am I going to use our normal Lords
prayer before saying the word of the baptism pls explain better to me
(our father who at in heaven how low be thy name thy kingdom come thy
will be done on earth as it is in heaven give us this day our daily
bread and forgive us our trespass as we forgive those who trespass
against us lead us not into temptation but deliver us from all evil
for this thy kingdom thy power and thy glory for ever and ever Amen)
and also Sir
pls I don't know if there is anyway the church can help us here for this
great ceremony to be able to cook small meal for my
followers and also rent video courage pls no amount is to small pls
help your son am very rich for now am indebted to people ever since I
started this process pls sir I will be grateful if my request will be
granted remain blessed
your son in the Lord
Quin

Posted: Tue May 26, 2020 8:06 am

Tuesday

09.00 - My old Chancellor writes to Quin (sister Dave is in CC):

Quote:

Dear Quin, dear my son,
Yes, that Lords' prayer is correct and it must be said before "the sacred words".
- Remember that sacred words must be spoken clearly and extremely loudly, and that you must repeat them 3 times.
- During this time, your assistants (behind you) must pour milk and honey on your head. You will need a considerable amount of liquids, so be well prepared.

The Baptism Ceremony represents the official inauguration of your Parish and your appointment as Local Reverend. I hope you have already discussed with our Secretary Dave about the Courtesy Parcel, as well as about the financial installation bonus. We will need to transfer the money by bank transfer, so we will need you to indicate a bank account where you will receive the first $10,000.

Sister Dave, please tell me if the list of products needed for Quin's parish has been finalized and if things are clear here.
I do not want to have any delay in this regard.

Blessings,
Rev. Eduard

===

Posted: Tue May 26, 2020 8:30 am

Self-baiter wrote:

...no amount is to small...

Awesome! Enjoy your $0.00 (ZERO DOLLARS UNITED STATE). Jackass Laughing

Baiting Guru Joined: 25 Jul 2017 Posts: 2107

He is definitely "bishop" material.
If he is appointed bishop he will need a staff. Perhaps the church will consider accepting short videos from prospective applicants for these jobs......and a monthly salary of course. They may even qualify for the monthly "sustained giving" allotment from the church.

Posted: Wed May 27, 2020 9:17 am

^^^ LOL!

Our reverend Quin:

Quote:

sir chancellor Edward good evening how was your day and how is your health now hope you are getting much better now
as for the account it as been sent since April as for now I don't have any money on me again I have so much debts on me now
since the church are not ready to do any thing for me to be able to perform my baptism ceremony it all means it will have to wait till am able to gather my self again
hope you people will bear with me because Nigeria is not like outside country
thanks for your understanding
your son Quin

Sister Dave:

Quote:

Dear brother Quin,

The funds will be sent to you shortly, however our church protocols forbid us to send money for your parish before it is officially registered, and we can do that after you finish the initiation. I hope you can understand this. The Lord brings trials on our way and only the strong ones will remain standing and shine in the Glory of the Lamb. Overcome these small setbacks and I promise you that everything will work out perfectly and you will receive exactly what you deserve after your hard work.

Be blessed
Dave

===

Posted: Sun May 31, 2020 4:19 pm

Well, well, well... we have The Baptism Ceremony!

The Movie #1 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mO7RHkcfik0
The Movie #2 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-VdqfeZYPm4

===

===

Sister Dave to our moron:

Quote:

Dear brother Quin,

I have received your pictures and video and I have given them to the council of elders. They will revise them today during their meeting and father Eduard will let you know if it is accepted.

Be blessed
Dave

===

Posted: Sun May 31, 2020 4:54 pm

Looks like the lad will have to do it all over again. He obviously didn't follow the instructions given. What they poured on him did not look like white and yellow paint as he was instructed to do. Also, the amounts seemed ridiculously small.
Had he used the paint, he would have presented to his flock and the world his true devotion, as well as a sign of true anointing.
The only one in the pictures who was following the rules was the chicken (LOL).

Posted: Sun May 31, 2020 5:49 pm

Did he slip the chicken some Ambien or something? That is one docile bird! Looks like he decided against pouring paint all over himself Crying or Very sad

I assume the white stuff might be milk but the other liquid doesn't seem viscuous enough to be honey unless it was watered down. Maybe it was palm, canola, or olive oil etc. At least he had a nice afternoon humiliating himself and getting filthy Laughing

I would like to think that he'll be busy doing laundry tonight but he's a lad and will probably try to get one of the women in that little harem he travels around with to do it. Hopefully one of these days a scratcher will mark him with something that will never wash off Twisted Evil

Not quite a Newb Joined: 04 Mar 2019 Posts: 39

That is some excellent baiting, Birlic. I can't wait to see him getting tattooed Very Happy

Posted: Tue Jun 02, 2020 8:25 am

^^^ Thanks! Our little story goes on... now we're going to try to get a tattoo. Twisted Evil

Our idiot wrote to me yesterday:

Quote:

sir chancellor Edward good morning how was your night sir
please hope I have not offended you in any way since on Sunday
I have been waiting to read from you but till now no message has been sent
hope all is well or the church no long need me as a member
again they should have told me instead of keeping silent for days
now it is well one with God is majority
I believe that God can use me in another way
thanks for the Time we spent together as father and Son
your son in the Lord
Quin

My old chancellor replied today:

Quote:

Dear all, God bless you!

Quin, my son, I am really sorry for my silence in the last days; I had a sudden return of my pneumonia and lay in my bed.
Glory to the Holy Lamb, I'm fine again now and I hope I don't have any more problems! Hallelujah, amen!

I was informed by Sister Dave that you have completed the Admission process and that your Baptism Ceremony was performed in accordance with the requirements of the church. Son, my sincere congratulations! A beautiful and bright road opens before you, the Way of Faith! If everything is ready regarding the Courtesy Parcel, I will ask our secretary Dave to take care of this problem and also to detail with brother Emmanuel all the necessary details for the payment of the amount of $10,000 (your parish budget).

Dave told me the other day that you are our favorite candidate for our leadership of the African Diocese. This is true? Do you think that you can accept the role of BOA (Bishop of Africa), with all the responsibilities that come there? Will you need to travel to all African countries where we already have parishes and will you need to supervise / control all our local Reverends. As a BOA you will be our official representative in Africa and you will benefit from all the attributes: diplomatic passport, official house, official car with driver, bodyguard, annual expenditure budget ($100,000), etc.

Be blessed, in the name of our Holy Lamb!
Rev. Edward

===

Baiting Guru Joined: 25 Jul 2017 Posts: 2107

Official house? Car and bodyguard? I remember "back in the day" when it was only the $100K without all the perks!

Posted: Tue Jun 02, 2020 2:57 pm

Monday
Quin

Quote:

dear sister Dave good afternoon how are you doing today pls am
worried till now I have not heard from father Ed hope all is well
brother Quin

Tuesday
15:55 Sister Dave

Quote:

Dear brother Quin,

Father Ed hasn't been feeling well these past few days and I've been busy taking care of him. We are glad and thankful that he's feeling a bit better again.
The elders have approved your baptism ceremony and confirmed that everything has been done according to the instructions.
The products that I have ordered for you are arriving slowly. I also ordered some laptops and phones. I expect everything to arrive by the end of this week and then we will send it to you and brother Emmanuel will transfer the sponsorship funds to you on the same day.

Be blessed
Sister Dave

Spoiler alert: Brother Emmanuel will die once again before the transfer can be done.

Posted: Wed Jun 03, 2020 9:19 pm

Wednesday

Ohh, dear.... he wants to be BOA! Laughing

Quote:

sir chancellor Edward good morning sir how was your night thanks for
your mail and am most delighted to read from you and also pray that
our good Lord that has started his healing will perfect it in the
mighty name of our holy lamb sir as for your question if I will be
able to handle and do the work of a bishop of African sir I believe
that with God DAT strength me I will do his work he is the reason am
alive today and with your permission I will once again thanks for
allowing God to use you in planting our church in Nigeria God bless
you richly
your son Quin

Posted: Wed Jun 03, 2020 10:24 pm

I certainly respect his initiative, and I do hope it will be rewarded appropriately.

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