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Elite Baiter Joined: 30 Apr 2017 Posts: 1055

Fish Lads certainly trying to sound camp. Laughing

Posted: Tue Mar 10, 2020 4:37 pm

Those pesky adam's apples always tend to get in the way. Oh the things lads will endure to obtain that almighty MTCN Twisted Evil

Elite Baiter Joined: 30 Apr 2017 Posts: 1055

Cyril to Miss Elastic 15:42

Quote:

Elastic my dear

What an unexpected surprise. How are you? Are you emailing me from your new laptop or from your new phone? I was glad to get that last email of yours on the 27th of February saying everything was okay. I knew that if you spoke to Lenny as I suggested you would finally manage to get hold of the MTCN. Anyway, I suppose you've emailed me to see if Linda managed to find a wedding dress in London? Well the answer is of course yes, and I she tells me she looks like a princess in it. I haven't seen it for myself, that would be bad luck, so I'll just have to take Linda's word until I see her wearing it on our wedding day. Anyway, thanks for all the help you've given in the past trying to sort the problems out between Fish Lad and I. I think you earned every penny of that £9000. Try not to spend it all, you really should try put some of it aside for a rainy day my dear.

Toodle-pip

Cyril

Miss Elastic to Cyril 16:04

Quote:

I didn't get any money lenny refuse to send me the payment clip and I called him today but he don't want to send it to me please call him and know what the problem is please

Cyril to Miss Elastic 18:23

Quote:

Elastic my dear

What on earth are you talking about? You emailed me on the 27th of February and your exact words were "Is okay". Now you email to tell me is not okay. What is going on? Why is Lenny still refusing to hand over the MTCN to you? I don't want to go bothering him if it's something you can sort out yourself. Did you tell him that it was you that was calling and not the CIA. Look, what I'll do for you is email Lenny and give him a secret passphrase that only you I and Lenny will know. Then you can call him again and say that it's you and give him the passphrase that I'll give you after I let Lenny know what it is. That way Lenny will know it's you and not the CIA. I'll email him now and get back to you as soon as he lets me know he understands what you'll be doing when you call him again.

Toodle-pip

Cyril

Miss Elastic to Cyril 18:42

Quote:

Okay am waiting

Cyril to Lenny, Miss Elastic in CC 18:48

Quote:

Lenny my friend

I'm sorry to bother you while you have your sick sister to care for, but I've just had Elastic email me saying she's been unable to get the number she needs to collect the £9000 you sent her. Zofia said something about you being worried that the CIA might up to some kind of mischief. I'm not sure why their so interested in the money I'm trying to get to Elastic, but it's good to know you're being careful. The thing is, I really need to make sure Elastic gets that number you have, so what I've told her I'll do is give you a passphrase so that when she calls next time she'll give tell you the passphrase so that you know it's her and not the CIA. The passphrase will be "I'M ELASTIC CRAWFORD AND I HAVE AN ITCHEESNATCH". Do not give the number to anybody that does not give you the passphrase. I've copied Elastic into this email so you should expect a call from her soon.

Toodle-pip

Cyril

Cyril to Miss Elastic 18:51

Quote:

Elastic my dear

I've just sent Lenny the passphrase, and copied you in so that you should have the passphrase by now.

Toodle-pip

Cyril

Elite Baiter Joined: 30 Apr 2017 Posts: 1055

It's confirmed, Miriam really does have an itcheesnatch. Laughing

Listen Here (file 11)

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1EBDAhlkc5_UFmXqH93_K2Y-ImUw61xuM

*this a google drive link - completely safe, but to guarantee privacy, be sure you are logged out of your personal google account

Elite Baiter Joined: 30 Apr 2017 Posts: 1055

Yesterday

Miss Elastic to Cyril 11:34

Quote:

I called him and he did not send it to me what is the problem please can you ask him to send the payment clip to you so that you will send it to me

Miss Elastic to Lenny 11:35

Quote:

What is holding you not to send the payment clip and I have called you but you don't want to send it to me why tell me what is the problem

Cyril to Miss Elastic 18:31

Quote:

Elastic my dear

Sorry about the late reply, but business is really busy and I really am having to prioritise things in order of importance, and I'm sorry to say that you're problem is way down that list. Anyway, I have a few minutes before Linda has dinner ready so what's all this about you still not getting that damned number you want? I haven't heard from Lenny since I sent him the email containing the passphrase so perhaps he's not seen it yet. I suggest you call him again and ask him to check his emails for the one I sent him. Sorry my dear, I need to sign off now, Linda's just putting dinner on the table.

Toodle-pip

Cyril

Miss Elastic to Cyril 21:32

Quote:

I called him but he didn't send it to me

Today

Cyril to Miss Elastic 08:49

Quote:

Elastic my dear

I'm just as much in the dark about this as you are. I've still heard nothing from Lenny in reply to that last email I sent him. Once again all I can think is he has not seen it and must have wondered what on earth was going on with you and your itcheesnatch passphrase. When I get to the warehouse I'll ask Zofia to phone him at his sisters and find out if she can get to the bottom of the problem you're facing. I'm sure there must be a simple explanation. After all, I don't think Lenny would be acting in the way you say he is without good cause. I'll have to let you know what Zofia can find out later today because Linda and I will be with Father Edward for most of the morning discussing how Linda wants the church decorated for our wedding. The little minx has got some kind of African themed wedding in mind and wants to try to talk Father Edward into wearing some kind of lion skin cassock when he performs the ceremony. All I can say is good luck with that. Father Edwards not the kind of priest I'd want to run something like that by, but if Linda's willing to give it a go then who am I to interfere?

Toodle-pip

Cyril

Elite Baiter Joined: 30 Apr 2017 Posts: 1055

Yesterday

Cyril to Miss Elastic 17:53

Quote:

Elastic my dear

Sorry for taking so long to get back to you with the reason Lenny is being extra cautious about giving out the number you're after. The thing is, it looks as if the CIA may have intercepted my last email because Lenny told Zofia that he was sure that it was a man that called him, but whoever he was he was trying to imitate a woman's voice and was doing a piss poor job of it. Lenny's not sure what the CIA are up to, but it's obvious that our correspondence has been compromised. I'll have to have a think about how we can overcome this problem and get back to you as soon as I've come up with a solution. It really is a bloody nuisance that the CIA had to poke their nose into our business, and I know you said it might be Fish Lad, but as we can't be sure about that I think we need to be extra careful.

Toodle-pip

Cyril

Elite Baiter Joined: 30 Apr 2017 Posts: 1055

Elastic still wants to play? Confused

Yesterday

Miss Elastic to Cyril 11:57

Quote:

Hello how are you doing please do you hear from lenny

Cyril to Miss Elastic 18:13

Quote:

Elastic my dear

Sorry, but as I've already told you we're all very busy here at Maggots & Worms, and yes I have renamed the bait business as I didn't think the old name had that certain je ne sais quoi that the business needs as we move forward. Now, the answer to your question is yes. Lenny and I have managed to come up with a solution to the problem we all face with the CIA. Obviously they seem to have some bee in their bonnet where this £9000 of yours in concerned, but that does not mean you should not get it. Therefore Lenny and I have decided you should send him a photograph of yourself holding a large sign with the passphrase "I'M ELASTIC CRAWFORD AND I HAVE AN ITCHEESNATCH" written on it. I've already sent him the photographs of yourself you sent me months ago so Lenny will know it's you when you send the photograph of yourself holding the sign with the passphrase. Oh, and just for extra security, can you send him a photograph of that hideously mutilated hand of yours so that Lenny can compare that to the one I sent him. Once Lenny is happy that the email with the photographs attached is from you he will send you the number you require. I know you may think this is a bit of a palaver, but Lenny and I think we can't be to careful where your money is concerned.

Toodle-pip

Cyril

Miss Elastic (trying it on) to Cyril 18:55

Quote:

Okay please help me out please ask him to send it to you then you can forward it to me please i think that will be okay and easily

Cyril to Miss Elastic 19:35

Quote:

Elastic my dear

No that certainly won't be okay. Lenny and I did not spend all that time coming up with the solution to the problem you've been facing only to have all our effort come to nothing. No my dear, you must send Lenny the photographs he's expecting and he will send you the number you require in return. As you know, I am a very busy man at the moment and I have not got time to waste when it's within your power to sort this all out yourself by sending Lenny a couple of photographs. I must say I'm feeling rather angry with you so I'll sign off now, but I must warn you that I did tell Lenny if has not received the photographs by Monday he should destroy the payment slip to stop it falling into the hands of the CIA. Lenny and I are still not sure what the CIA are up to, but whatever it is it can't be good.

Toodle-pip

Cyril

Today

Miss Elastic to Cyril 06:18

Quote:

Which photograph are you talking about I don't understand you please

Cyril to Miss Elastic 07:31

Quote:

Elastic my dear

A very itcheesnatch to you my dear. It's so nice to see that you're still willing to try to thwart those dastardly CIA buggers and get your hands on what you rightfully deserve. Now, you ask "which photograph"? I'll explain that in a minute, but first I have to say I'm a little hurt that you don't remember. I'm talking about the photographs you sent me in July and August. Surely you must remember writing that big sign saying "CYRIL I WANT TO BE YOUR GIRL" and then sending me the photographs of you holding it. Do you save your old emails my dear? because if you do have a look at the ones you sent on 24th, 29th of July and the one on 1st of August last year of that hideous hand of yours. As I say, I'm a little upset that I've had to remind you, after all they were I had hoped a time of extreme happiness where you were concerned. Surely you remember how we were looking forward to starting a life together, but sadly it didn't work out? Anyway, that's water under the bridge now and we have both moved on with our lives. I'm soon to marry Linda and I hope you've found a young man that is willing to accept you with that disgusting appendage that's stuck on the end of your arm. However, your bodily imperfections are no longer important to me, but what is important is that I still have those photographs I've just mentioned so I was able to send them all to Lenny. So you see my dear, all you need to do is send Lenny a photograph of yourself holding a large sign with the passphrase "I'M ELASTIC CRAWFORD AND I HAVE AN ITCHEESNATCH" written on it, and another photograph of that disgusting hand of yours. Lenny will then compare the new photographs you will send him with the ones I sent him. Once Lenny is satisfied the young lady in the photographs I sent and the young lady in the photographs you will send are the same he will send you the number you need, There my dear, what could be simpler? the CIA is thwarted and you finally get your hands on the number Lenny has.

Toodle-pip

Cyril

Elite Baiter Joined: 30 Apr 2017 Posts: 1055

Neither Lenny or Cyril have heard a peep from Miss Elastic, but an old "friend" from the Past has got back in touch Shocked

Yesterday

Little Sis (Fish Lad's younger sister) to Cyril 19:15

Quote:

Hello

Today

Cyril to Little Sis 05:49

Quote:

Little Sis my dear

What a pleasant surprise to hear from you. How are you, and hows that rascally brother of yours? I only ask because I haven't heard from dear old Fish Lad for quite some time. Anyway, what is it you want my dear, is it something important or do you just fancy a chat?

Toodle-pip

Cyril

Elite Baiter Joined: 30 Apr 2017 Posts: 1055

The rest of yesterday

Little Sis to Cyril 06:38

Quote:

Have you paid Fish Lad his money

Cyril to Little Sis 07:26

Quote:

Little Sis my dear

Of course I haven't, why would I? Surely you could have asked him that yourself instead of wasting my time. Unless there's something else you've contacted me for I'll bid you good day my dear.

Toodle-pip

Cyril

Cyril to Miss Elastic 10:01

Quote:

Elastic my dear

A very itcheesnatch to you. I'm trying to type this really quickly just in case what Zofia has just said is true. It would appear that a friend of hers has just phoned to say that Google will be turning off Gmail soon to help prevent the spread of this damned Covid 19 virus that's going around. Evidently there have been quite a few cases of email attachments that have contained it infecting people. Perhaps that's why Lenny and I have not heard from you yet concerning the photographs of proof. Perhaps Google have already turned Nigeria off and you will not even see this email. Although I did receive an email from Little Sis late yesterday afternoon so I'm not sure if Google turned it of after that or she sent it from a neighbouring country. I seem to remember you saying something about her going back to school, is that in Nigeria or some other country? That said of course, I guess what Zofia's friend has told her could just be some bollocks that she read on Facebook, but if you could please let me know what's happening at your end that would be helpful because we really do need to get this money problem sorted out as soon as possible. Hope to hear from you soon, God willing.

Toodle-pip

Cyril

Miss Elastic to Cyril 10:09

Quote:

Don't mind them is not true

Cyril to Miss Elastic 10:45

Quote:

Elastic my dear

Thank God there's still sensible people like you in the world. I did think what Zofia's friend was saying was a bit strange, but in a world where everybody seems to overreact about the slightest thing you never know. Anyway, it's still good to know that you'll still be able to get those photographs of proof to Lenny. And don't worry, I did email Lenny telling him not to destroy the payment slip as soon as Zofia told me about what her friend had told her about the imminent Gmail outage. So when can Lenny expect to receive the photographs my dear? I'd really like to get this all sorted out as quickly as possible. You know what it's like with these rumours you hear, what's nonsense one day has a nasty habit of become true the next.

Toodle-pip

Cyril

Miss Elastic to Cyril 11:07

Quote:

Have you send those one to him?

Cyril to Miss Elastic 11:18

Quote:

Elastic my dear

What one, what are you talking about?

Toodle-pip

Cyril

Miss Elastic to Cyril 11:37

Quote:

You said that you will send lenny the photos that I sent to you so have you send it to him?

Cyril to Miss Elastic 15:38

Quote:

Elastic my dear

Now I understand what you meant. Yes, I told you I'd already sent Lenny those old photographs of you and that disgusting hand of yours, now all you need to do is send Lenny the photographs I told you to send then Bob's your uncle.

Toodle-pip

Cyril

Miss Elastic to Cyril 17:44

Quote:

What do you mean by Bob's your uncle I don't understand you

Cyril's beginning to get the feeling that he's the one being baited now. Laughing

Elite Baiter Joined: 30 Apr 2017 Posts: 1055

Yesterday

Cyril to Miss Elastic 09:01

Quote:

Elastic my dear

Uncle Bob's not important, what is important is you getting those new photographs to Lenny.

Toodle-pip

Cyril

Miss Elastic to Cyril 09:04

Quote:

Okay

Cyril to Miss Elastic 16:01

Quote:

Elastic my dear

That's the spirit.

Toodle-pip

Cyril

Elite Baiter Joined: 30 Apr 2017 Posts: 1055

After several days of total silence it looks like Miss Elastic's back for a chat. Rolling Eyes

Today

Miss Elastic 00:17

Quote:

Hello

Cyril 04:57

Quote:

Elastic my dear

A very itcheesnatch to you? I've not heard from you for a while, hope you're keeping well?

Toodle-pip

Cyril

Miss Elastic 07:26

Quote:

Yes is just that pastor took his phone back how is you side going this convid 19 has it get into UK ?

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

Oh, one must thank Miss Elastic for her concern.
😁

Elite Baiter Joined: 30 Apr 2017 Posts: 1055

Or at least put her mind at rest. Laughing

Cyril 09:18

Quote:

Elastic my dear

Icheesnatch again. I'm glad to hear the reason for your silence was due to something as simple as Pastor Sam taking his phone back. Why did he do that, are you having the same problems in Nigeria as we're facing here in the UK? These certainly are uncertain times for all of us my dear, but don't worry I'm sure it will all blow over eventually. Unfortunately I've had to close Maggots and Worms and lay off most of the staff for the foreseeable future. Luckily Linda and I are showing no symptoms of this damned virus, but were staying home just to be on the safe side. I suppose we're quite lucky that we live in such a remote spot in the New Forrest so we don't have to worry about contact with the outside world. Anyway, I think Linda and I should be okay even if the whole world does go to hell in a handcart. We're well stocked with tinned foods and pasta, we have toilet rolls coming out of our ears, there's a well in the garden, I have a couple of shotguns and there's plenty of wildlife about for fresh meat. Another bit of good news is, Jakub and Zofia managed to sort out their marital problems and catch one of the last flights back to Poland with little Kacper. I'm not sure what Akimbo's up to, he took off into the forest to self isolate and all I hope is that we'll be able to convince him to come back out when this is all over. Anyway, that's how things stand at the moment for Linda and I, but it would be nice to know how you're coping my dear.

Toodle-pip

Cyril

Elite Baiter Joined: 30 Apr 2017 Posts: 1055

A little more from yesterday

Miss Elastic 10:42

Quote:

Am fine and save just that I don't have money to buy things for my self like food and others

Cyril 13:36

Quote:

Elastic my dear

Sorry about the late reply, Linda and I have only just got back from our government allowed exercise period. I know, you're probably thinking Linda and I are hardly likely to get accosted by the rozzers in a remote spot like Denny Wood, but that's surely no excuse for us not to be doing our bit. After all, we're all in this together. Anyway, what's all this about you not having money to buy things for yourself like food and others? What have you done with the £9000 Lenny should have given you the number to collect by now? Don't tell me you've already spent the bloody lot on partying and getting your nails done. Good God girl, even you must realise that getting your nails done isn't going to make that hideous hand of yours look any better. In fact I would think it would draw peoples attention to it, so I can't understand why you would even do such a thing.

Toodle-pip

Cyril

Miss Elastic to Cyril 17:55

Quote:

He didn't send any number to me

Miss Elastic to Lenny 17:56

Quote:

Hello how are you doing please send me the number

Today

Cyril 10:48

Quote:

Elastic my dear

A very itcheesnatch to you, hope you're keeping well. Now, what do you mean when you say Lenny didn't send you the number? I don't understand why he wouldn't have sent it as soon as you sent him the photograph of yourself holding the large sign with the secret passphrase written on it, and that photograph of that disgusting hand of yours that you agreed to send him. Don't tell me you never sent them to him? No wonder I've not heard from Lenny saying that everything was tickety-boo if that's the case.

Toodle-pip

Cyril

Fishy business still going strong.	View next topic View previous topic