Reverend Quin and his nigerian parish

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Posted: Wed Mar 11, 2020 11:17 am

Everyone knows that I have a preference for the religious stories. I find it very funny and I can use different characters that complement each other.
Also, here in the Eater forum no "Pyramid" has been presented in the last months, so maybe it's time to do something about it. Right? Laughing

Our story is not yet completed, but it seems that the idiot is very cooperative and docile. We have high hopes for him. Twisted Evil

To avoid unpleasant episodes related to the Google search engine, all the names in the story are changed.

The characters:
- The Lad: Reverend Quin from Nigeria
- Linoline: Secretary of the Church - sister Dave
- Birlic: Chancellor of the Church - Reverend Ed

It all started in February 24, when I received this message on one of my "catching" accounts:

Quote:

Dear Sir,

I am a senior accountant with the federal ministry of aviation here in Nigeria.
I got your contact through a friend of mine who is a diplomat and has once work in your country.
Proposal i want you to assist me in transferring some fund out of my country.

This money came from contract over invoicing and inflation, of Contract sum.
I became the senior accountant of my ministry not long ago.
When i assumed office i discovered this money floating in my ministry's Account.

My investigation disclosed that the money was meant for foreign Contractors who did some works in my ministry in the past.
These Foreign Contractors have been paid in full but this money still remains as a debt in our account books.

I have decided to secretly transfer this money out of my country and to Convert this money to my private use.
The safest way of doing this, is to transfer this money overseas on the pretext that it is being paid to Contractors that are being owed by my ministry.
I will give you more information when i get your respond thanks.

best regards

Obviously, I replied from the email account of the Church of the Holy Lamb. I use one Yahoo address, where all my characters are set (as disposable emails).

Quote:

Son, I think this is a major confusion. I do not understand your message and I do not know who you are referring to.
We, the Holy Church of the Sacred Lamb do not do business with people who are not part of our congregation.
But if we can help someone, then we do it with great joy. Glory to the Holy Lamb, glory to Jesus!

Be blessed, in the sacred name of our Holy Lamb!
Rev. Ed - Chancellor at The Church of the Holy Lamb

To my and Linoline's astonishment, our moron immediately gave up his scam-story with the money / ministers / funds and asked to work with the church. The idiot's next message was this:

Quote:

Sir Chancellor Ed,

How are you doing today hope you are doing pretty well?
For me am doing good,thanks for you response to my mail,am happy to hear that you could also help me despite the fact that am not yet a member,how do i become a member,for we do not have The Church here in my Country Nigeria,or would it be possible you plant one here?
i need to read from you Asap.

Father Ed, to our moron... we never rush when it comes to the Faith. Of course, we want to know more about our applicants.
Of course, neither material benefits should be overlooked because the money has a wonderful effect on our boys. Laughing

Quote:

Son,

The Faith is not something that is learned in school, but something you are born with. Please tell me if you are a Christian man and believe in God. Our church is a Christian Church, and we believe that Jesus is that Holy Lamb who sacrificed on the Cross for the sins of humanity. We are trying to follow His Path, His Truth and His Faith.

If you are really a Christian man, if you want to be with us, if you feel that the Call is strong in your soul and if you think you could be our local Reverend there, then we can discuss it in detail. Please, think very well and do not rush! The Faith is something you choose to share with your brothers and sisters! You will have the opportunity to be our representative and you will have to take care of all your sheep there. There will be both responsibilities but also some spiritual and material benefits (monthly salary and spending budget for the Parish).

Be blessed!
Glory to the Holy Lamb, glory to Jesus!
Rev. Ed

The lad seems to want to work with the church, so:

Quote:

Sir Chancellor Ed
Thanks for your prompt Attention to me and my mails,just like you said,i would like you to know that in my Local church here I am a Christian Man,am an Elder in my Local Church While my Young wife is a preacher of the Gospel,so sir for am a man of 58yrs old i know what you are Educating me on,but will still need more so that i will be Equipped with the real Doctrine of your Church particularly.As Required by the Church.
Best Regards.

My character, happy and full of hopes. Laughing

Quote:

Son, let me confess that your sincere words delight me and make me think that maybe you are the providential man we need to set up a new Parish.
Please tell me a few details about you, about the city where you live and want to set up our Parish, about your future thoughts and about your projects.
Do you think the people around you will support your project? Are you able to gather those lost sheep of the flock near you?
I am waiting for your answer, to see if we can go on together.

Blessings,
Rev. Ed

Here, the idiot changed his name... until now, he signed all the messages with a specific Muslim name (Suni Mohhmad), and now he has chosen a completely Christian name. Laughing

His email address remained the same (as in the beginning). Of course, this idiot also wants to talk on the phone. Laughing

Quote:

Sir Chancellor Ed.

Dear Sir thanks alot for your mail response and for seeing me as the providential man that will be needed to set up a new Parish here in Nigeria,as a matter of fact mare saying this alone,i know the almighty God will surely bring it to perfection in Jesus Mighty Name Amen.To your Questions Sir,My Christian Name right from the day i was baptised by emmassion in the spirit is Quin Ezodenachi Emechi,i am from Abia State in the Eastern part of Nigeria,where is mostly dominated by Christians,am the first born from a family of three,two males and a female,i am married with three kids,one boy and two girls,am 59yrs old and an ordained elder in my present church,and am based in Lagos the commercial Capital City of Nigeria,I would also love us to either set up a parish here and as time goes on we can extend to the Eastern or other parts of the Country Depending on the Area Men/Women would be willing to be taken or drawn to the Kingdom knowing that the second coming of our lord is at hand.
Regarding if People will support,so long we have a conducive Environment,modern musical Equipment for choristers/gospel musician, the rest i will make sure that by the grace of our lord,you and our Church over there in your Country will not be Disappointed.The issue/point if am sure of Gathering the lost Sheep of the flocks,The Lord that does not like /want any of his sheep to get lost will Do Great and Mighty thing here in Nigeria to make his Holy Name to be Praised.Could you please Sir send me your telephone no/wasap number to Enable me reach you on telephone to Enable us talk to our selves orally,since we are on the same time frame this period of the year? I believe by God's Grace we will work together to Gather the lost Sheep here in Nigerian and beyond other African Countries.please note i would like you to address me with my christian ordained name from now, am going to open an Email with it.after talking to you on the telephone ok.

Regards your Christian Son
Quin.

===

Here we decided that our boy has gone through the usual phase of "bumpers" and we have gone to serious things.
I gave him the opportunity to talk to our old senile brother Lenny ( Laughing

) on the phone (I don't know if he called, because he never told me about it).
I described to him our activity in general lines and I told him what his future will be next to the church.

Quote:

Dear my son, dear Quin, God bless you!
Can I tell you on your name Quin? I hope so.

I feel an enormous joy when I read your words, especially as I recognize in them the seed of Faith and I can see with the mind's eye how from that seed can grow the Tree of Knowledge. Our Savior Jesus willingly climbed the Cross, wanting to take on his shoulders all the burden of mankind's sins; so do we with those around us. We help them, we defend them, we offer them support and protection. God help us!

Let me tell you that we are a Christian Church, we believe in God Almighty and we think Jesus is the Son of God. Our main headquarters is in Aberdeen (UK) and we have few branches in America, Canada, Europe and Africa. We do charity and support especially the orphans and the homeless. All of our religious, cultural and charity actions can be watched on our church website: <snipped>

I am Ed McEntyre and I work for The Lord as Reverend-Chancellor of this Holy Church; the leadership of our entire community is provided by His Excellency The Great Cardinal Eufrosie, God bless Him! The secret dream of His Excellency Cardinal Eufrosies is to succeed in building an African Cathedral, from which we can start evangelizing all the poor people in entire african continent. We already have a small parish in Mozambique and another in Senegal, but we want to find a man dedicated to the Faith on which we can rely and who will become our future BOA (Bishop of Africa).

Our church phone number is +44 1606 ******** and Father Lenny is in charge of taking calls to the parish. If you need me, it's more useful to communicate by email because Lenny has many many moments in forgetting to write down all the details and I do not want to make any trouble. He is too old and suffers from Alzheimer, but he is a faithful soul who has been with us for the last 40 years.

Son, if Faith is strong in your heart and if you have some trustworthy people around you who want to follow you, then we are willing to give you the chance to become our new Reverend and to establish our new Parish. It is a huge responsibility, which comes with benefits as well as obligations. If you accept this important task, then you and your people must become members of our community and be baptized in the sacred spirit of the Holy Lamb. The Admission Process is something formal, but it must be done according to our Sacred Rules. The secretary of the church will assist you throughout the entire process and it will explain all the necessary steps, so that it will be easy for you to understand what the requirements are.

Your final Baptism Ceremony is equivalent to the official recognition of the existence of your new Parish and your appointment as Local Reverend. The development and charity budget as well as the monthly salaries for you and your assistants will be discussed immediately after graduation. Also, usually an installation bonus is offered for the Reverend (for the proper equipping of the parish with all the necessary equipment - computers, telephones, printers, etc. and for purchasing all the necessary materials for the daily activity). But all these are just minor details that will be treated separately, immediately after the final Baptism Ceremony.

Think well and talk to all those around you about this responsibility; you don't have to give me the answer right now. Look into your soul and find the answer there!
Be blessed, in the sacred name of our Holy Lamb!
Rev. Ed

Of course, our idiot is ready to get involved in the work of the Lord.
Just as obviously, he is trying to introduce a "lawyer" into the scheme. Laughing

Quote:

Sir, Chancellor Ed,
Thanks for your prompt response to my mail to you, Sir am happy and glad at your mail/contents of your communication with me,
Sir I will like us to start here what ever that is suitable /suppose to be done in earnest and Immediately following the fact that time waits for no body, is we human that waits for time, for this reason am sending you details of what we can do here to start up our plans of winning the lost sheeps. Sir the first step for us to take which I have discussed with the fellowship is if you can come over here, for us to Register the Church/fellowship with The Coporate Affairs Comission of Nigeria ( CAC) also with the Christian Association of Nigeria ( CAN) Sir do note that if you will not be able to come over to see about all these, by this, I mean if you will like us to handle this in your absence, it all means I will have to get a Lawyer to do all that with me even if you come over here you will still
Need to be able to handle all that is obtainable with a lawyer, so please sir I will like you to let me know the next step you want us to take, because all these have to be in place before we think of bringing in those from there that will come to teach us the doctrines of the church and to let us to know how to go deeper in recovering the lost sheeps to God's Kingdom.
Regards
Your Son in the Lord
Quin

My Rev. Ed introduces the secretary of the church (Linoline) in the story and of course ignores the part with "the registration" and "the lawyer".

Quote:

Brother Quin, God bless you!

If your decision is final and you want to become our new Reverend in Nigeria, then please contact our Congregation Secretary (the Sister Dave Weelson) and begin the Admissions procedure immediately. If all goes well, in maximum 3 weeks we can register our new parish there and we can send the first financial funds necessary for the operation (salaries, development budget and installation bonus). It all depends on you and the people around you. A good Reverend has the support of his community, this is the essence of a functional parish! After you will be appointed as the local Reverend of our new Parish there, we will continue with the legal registration with the local authorities. It will be your duty to deal with the issue of all the necessary authorizations. We will discuss all these details at the right time and we will define together the annual budget that will be allocated to your parish (the salary for you and your assistants, the installation bonus, the amounts needed for the local charity, the amounts needed for the daily functioning of the parish, etc.).

Dear sister Dave, blessings!
Please guide our brother Quin and make sure he understands and respects all our procedures. He is a good Christian, he's a responsible and trustworthy man, so I decided to give him the opportunity to become our local Reverend and to establish a new parish there. Explain to him all the necessary steps and help him with all the information that he will ask for. He is already a Christian man and has summary knowledge about our Religion, so we will apply the summary procedure for Admission (only those last 3 steps) and then we will allow them to finish the Admittance process with the Baptism Ceremony.

I want to be kept up to date with the evolution of the admission process and the related formalities.
I will intervene as often as necessary.

Glory to the Holy Lamb, glory to Jesus!
Be blessed, all of you, in the sacred name of our Holy Lamb!
Rev. Ed

===

Today

We will not present all the messages here, but so far we managed to obtain from him:
- the application form (Application),
- the "proof of the Faith" pictures,
- some pictures from the thematic episode "Moses and the waters of the Red Sea".
Now, he has to send other pictures related to the same thematic episode related to Moses.
Next is the stage where he will be asked to build the "Pyramid of Faith". Laughing

The moron writes to Father Ed:

Quote:

Sir Chancellor Ed

Good morning Sir and how was your Night? As Mine was wounderful Sir thanks for your words of Ecouragement strenght and hope which has been motivating me and the Deciples that are interested in working with me by faith.Sir i would need clearification in these issues,my Deciples that will work with me in this regards,
( 1) can we be up to 5 deciples
( 2 ) can we comprise of male and female members?
( 3 ) I ask is it possible to assist us get a little place of our gathering/worship instead of using my rented apartment,this might not cost much Sir
( 4 ) Do i take a photo with those that are working with me now for record purposes .Sir i would be very happy and glad if am clearified on these issues.

Thanks Sir Remain Blessed.
your Son in the Lord Quin.

My Reverend:

Quote:

Dear brother Quin, be blessed!

All of these practical questions about the Admissions process should be discussed with the secretary of the church, not me. Please believe me, dear son, that I have many many other things to do for our Faith. Of course, if the answer received from Sister Dave is not satisfactory to you, then I can clarify things. But, again, the organizational and bureaucratic details are the responsibility of our secretariat. I hope you will remember this. Now, because you already asked me, I will answer with great pleasure (but please remember my observations in the future):
1) Our recommendation (related to the Regulation) is that in the maximum 6 months after the official inauguration of the Parish (after the Baptism Ceremony) you may be able to have a minimum number of 12 Apostles near you. Obviously, at the beginning, you can start with a smaller number. So, the answer is YES, you can only have 5 people near you now.
2) The only recommendation is to not use children under the age of 18, because God wants them to be overwhelmingly convinced that they want to share our Faith and be aware of their choice. So the answer is YES, your parishioners can be women and men.
3) YES, obviously! Please identify a suitable place where you can preach the word of our Lord. It must be a place where you can gather all those who want to join our Parish. You will receive all the necessary funds for rent and arrangement, so that the new Parish to be equipped with all the necessary equipment for daily operation (computers, scanners, print machines, mobilephones, etc). The development budget will be discussed and approved as soon as you and your people will be officially registered among the members of our community. This means immediately after the final Baptism Ceremony.
4) Of course, without any doubt! All those who are now with you (during the establishment of the Parish) can be called Assistants and will receive a monthly salary, just like you.

If everything is clear now, I would like to be able to return to my current activities. I wish you much success and I want you to assure me that you will do everything in such a way that we can inaugurate our new parish before Easter.

Be blessed, in the sacred name of our Holy Lamb!
Rev. Ed

The idiot to Sister Dave... the same questions:

Quote:

Dear Sister Dave.

Thanks for your clearifications,i would surmon a meeting of the Members that are helping me to do this so as to Enable us see what we could do by the ending of the week,there is still one clearification i need,Does this involve both male and Female Members? I ask so that i would not go against the principles of the Church.

Sister Dave:

Quote:

Dear brother Quin,

Yes, the people can be males and females both. The Lord has called each and every one of us to work for Him and has a special plan with each of us. The only requirement for this assignment is that your helpers will be over 18 years old. We don't allow minors to assist with tasks like this. Our Lord Jesus loved children so much and wanted them to be children and even taught us to believe like the children do. In His time he will show them the path they need to go in life. I hope you will respect this guideline.

Be blessed
Dave

===

I should point out that this idiot was extremely curious about several religious issues and asked a lot of things (I never received so many questions from any other lad).
He even asked how the name of the church is translated into the old Scottish language. Laughing

... because I was forced to improvise something, related to the printed text containing "e@ER" (Eater). Twisted Evil

Some of my explanations, which were necessary for the idiot to comply with the directions received from Linoline:

Quote:

... There is no doubt that your Parish will bear the name of our Holy Church and that it will be registered exactly as it is here in Scotland: Mhair****** U**** I****** Eaglais

and

Quote:

... Son, you asked what our name means in the old Scottish galica? It is the same as in English, preaching the uniqueness and sacred character of Jesus Christ, as the Holy Lamb, in his capacity as Son of God and King of entire Humanity...

and

Quote:

...If our brother Quin had the curiosity to study our church website (as I would have expected him to do already), then he would easily have noticed that our holy church is based in Aberdeen / Scotland and that we are an old church broken from the classic Roman-Catholicism 700 years ago. Our specific rituals are held in our old Scottish Gaelic dialect, the name of our church - Mhair****** U**** I****** Eaglais - also derives from the old language of our Scottish missionaries and, the fact that the modern times have forced us to preach in English, cannot make us forget our roots! Glòir don Uan Naomh! To answer to the last question, if I understood the question well, the approximate translation of those symbols would be "eucharistic" (e) "ath" (@) "Eaglais" (E) "Roman" (R) "4.19" (Matthew) or, in English: Faith through the Catholic (Roman) Church - Matthew (chapter 4.19)...

and

Quote:

... I urge both of you to look in the Bible, in Matthew 4.19, that one chapter in which Jesus says:

"Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men!"

It is exactly the same text that we have in our "proof of Faith" form and express our sincere hope that the good, proper example, can make us get the best results from those around us. Our Savior Jesus referred to the fact that the Pure Faith will be like a powerful magnet that will draw large masses of people to Him, and His Apostles will become (symbolically speaking of course) exactly like some fishermen who gather nets full of fish at the end of the day.

When Jesus was at the Sea of Galilee, He saw the 2 young brothers (Simon and Andrew) throwing fishing nets into the water. After Jesus told them to follow Him, the two brothers abandoned their nets and became His first Apostles. The same thing happened with the fishermen James (son of Zebedee) and John. Later, Jesus tells them to throw the nets back into the water and they will be raised full of fish. The whole parable about fishing is an explanation (for those simple people in that ancient times) about the power of the Faith...

===

- We were still waiting for some new fresh pictures of "Moses on the seashore".
- Then we try to get a nice Pyramid (from sandbags). Laughing

- The last stage will be his Baptism Ceremony, with milk and honey.
The Courtesy Package and the sponsorship money hidden inside will end this story. Laughing

Posted: Thu Mar 12, 2020 7:02 am

Thursday

This idiot is trying to "evaluate" from the outset the difficulty of the Admission process ... probably those around him must be paid.

Quote:

Sir.

Thanks for your clearifications,I want to assure you that i would do my best to make sure we are inugurated soonest by the grace of our Lord.
Sir one more and last clearification needed, is my Assistants and the few members already gathered would like to know the nature and form the Final Baptisimal ceremony will take so that those that are not strong in faith will be dropped.or lectured on what to do and what not do,to hold them strongly in Faith,Sir i would be very much greatful,if you could give me one more time on this.
Regards.
Your Son in the Lord
Quin.

My old Chancellor writes to our lad:

Quote:

Son, read Exodus 3.8 and think at the words of the Lord: "And I come down to deliver them out of the hand of the Egyptians, and to bring them up out of that land unto a good land and a large, unto a flowing land with milk and honey; unto the place of the Canaanites, and the Hittites, and the Amorites, and the Perizzites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites."
The final Ceremony of Baptism is something symbolic, it is based on prayers and sprinkling with milk and honey, just as in the above passage. Those who truly deserve Salvation will be with you to the end and will become your Assistants. The others, unbelievers, will suffer the same as the first generation; they will wander in the desert for 40 years. You must not beg anyone, because Faith is something that comes from the depths of each one of us. Without Faith, the words of the Bible mean nothing and the Reverend preaches in vain!

Beannaichte ann an ainm Dhè
Rev. Ed

===

10.00 - Our lad, to father Ed:

Quote:

Sir Chancellor Ed.

Good Morning Sir,am sure you had a glorious and wonderful night with Lord by your side and by him giving his Angels charge over you.
Sir with your words of advice and Encouragement i learn more day after day. am so happy and glad to have you as a father in the Lord over there,am assuring you by saturday we will retake the photos as directed by sister Dave,then to be sent to her and copy to you by next week Monday.

Regards Sir,
Remain Blessed.

After that, of course we will tell him that we need the Proof of Faith pictures of "his assistants", as well as the completed forms (Application). He will be happy, I'm so sure. Laughing

Posted: Sat Mar 14, 2020 1:59 pm

Great baiting as usual. Bravo, yet again.

I love how you got him off script so fast.

On a side note, that beach truly is beautiful. What a great testimony to faith would be a monument there. He’s already got the sand, contributed by God, himself. All he needs now are a few sacks, a shovel, a strong back and a willing heart.

Posted: Mon Mar 16, 2020 7:55 am

Why is there so many rubbish on the beach? I find that disrespectful towards the Holy Lamb Cool

Posted: Mon Mar 16, 2020 8:31 am

^^^ LOL!

Monday

The lad did not send the materials requested by sister Dave (the revised pictures), so Rev. Ed sent a message to all:

Quote:

Sister Dave, did you get anything from our Brother Quin?
I'm sorry the storm didn't allow my team to leave the holy shelter in the mountains of Scotland yesterday, as it should, but today we will be back in Aberdeen. I announce you that I want to be able to convene the Council of Elders and to present the materials sent by Brother Quin at the latest tomorrow morning after the Sermon. Please keep this in mind and prepare everything properly. I need you to convene all the members of the Council.

Blessings,
Rev. Ed

===

One hour later, the moron wrote to Rev. Ed:

Quote:

Sir Chancellor Ed.Good Morning Sir,And How was your day of Service Yesterday Hope it was splendid,like ours here,
Sir am Being Careful so that you and the entire body of the secrete Lamb over there will never be disappointed by me or any one from here so long am Corcerned,so Sir please Bear with me on my Delays,am forwarding to you my mail to Dave Right now.

Thanks Your Son in The lord
Quin.

and to sister Dave:

Quote:

Dear Sister Dave.

How are you today hope alright,for me i am ok i give praise to the Holy Lamb.
you are quite correct with what you said ,not hearing from me for some days now is correct is due to the reason that am trying to gather faithful assistants that will not scatter after few moment so in that regards am being careful with my sellection of those to work with that will take the gathering of the lost sheep as their priority and not the salary we will be earning ok.So hopefully i will be done with task over here in the next four days before i will take up the remaining task of registration with them as seen in your mail before this one you wrote to me now,the photos will be sent to you by then,Note am taking my time so that Chancellor Ed,You and the Entire Church will not be Disappointed.

Thanks and be Blessed by the Holy Lamb.
Brother Quin.

It is obvious that the idiot failed to convince others to take more pictures. He probably had to promise them some money. Laughing

Posted: Mon Mar 16, 2020 11:17 am

I'm surprised that no-one's mentioned this bit of late '60s pop culture...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K13hH0pJx5s

Posted: Mon Mar 16, 2020 1:51 pm

14:26 Sister Dave

Quote:

Dear Brother Quin,

Father Ed already granted you permission to send in the materials as soon as you have gathered your helpers. I do want to urge you to keep communicating with us at all times, because those days of silence are not acceptable. If that happens again there's a change we will choose someone else to start a new parish in Africa instead of you, so you have to send us an update at least once every day.

Be blessed
Sister Dave

Posted: Tue Mar 17, 2020 8:42 am

Tuesday

Our dear "brother" Quin writes to my Rev. Ed:

Quote:

Sir Chancellor Ed.

Good Morning Sir, Thanks for your understanding and and words of Encouragement,I thank God and the Holy Lamb for sending a man like you to me as a Father in the Lord,and i pray your Aims and objectives of being my Father in the Lord will never be in Vain nor put to Shame i assure you by the Grace of our Lord.

Thanks Sir and Remain Blessed.
Your Son In the Lord
Quin.

It is obvious to us that the idiot failed to get help from those around him.
I am curious how he will receive the request regarding the Monument of Faith (the pyramid). Laughing

Posted: Wed Mar 18, 2020 9:34 am

21:54 Quin

Quote:

Dear Sister Dave how are you doing.hope fine,for us over here we say
glory to the Holy Lamb of God.Thank you a lot for the understanding,is
as if you know what I have planned with all the fellows that are with
me as members and those that will be assisting me on this task,and we
agreed that unfailingly we must send it by Sunday evening,we will go
to front of the Atlantic ocean,which is known as Bar beach to perform
all you directed. immediately we are back from there the picture will
be sent to you .mean while any further developments will be
communicated to you if there is any before then.
Thanks and be Blessed by the holy Lamb.
Brother Quin.

9:58 Sister Dave

Quote:

Dear brother Quin,

Thank you for your message. I'm happy to hear that you have found the people who will help you and that you have thought about a beautiful location to perform the scene. I am looking forward to see the results. However, it is Wednesday right now. Why do you need to wait until Sunday to make the pictures? You are wasting precious time that could've been spent on getting your new parish operational and us working on the financial support for you and your new parish.
If you go to the same beach where you have made the previous pictures, please make sure that the part of the beach you are using is clean of litter. That would be the respectful way of handling this important spiritual task, becaus you can view the cleansing of the area as the spiritual cleansing of your soul in preparation of the task that lies ahead of you.

Be blessed
Sister Dave

If he would've been quicker with this he could've avoided the cleaning of the beach Laughing

Posted: Fri Mar 20, 2020 9:59 am

Wednesday
10:21 Quin

Quote:

hello sister Dave how was ur night thanks for ur
understanding Sunday is just by the corner pls DAT is when my
followers will be available because they are always going to work to
search for their daily breadth OK once the parish is set they promised
to stop going to work pls try and understand me u known DAT they also
have their family to take care of if it was something I would have
Been able to do all by my self I will not wait till Sunday OK pls do
bear with us thanks for ur understanding may u be blessed with holy
lamb of God
thanks brother Quin

19:29 Quin

Quote:

good evening sister Dave how was ur day hope all is well
with you I have not read from you today hoping to hear from you soon
thanks and be blessed by the holy Lamb of God
brother Quin

20:31 Sister Dave

Quote:

Dear brother Quin,

I have sent you a message this morning. I assume you have received it but forgotten about it and I will forgive you for this. I will copy below the message that I have sent to you. Can you please confirm to me the number of helpers you have gathered right now? We understand that for the time being, they will still have regular jobs and can not help you with the reenacting of the scene until Sunday, but we would like to know how many people will be helping you.

Be blessed
Sister Dave

22:27 Quin

Quote:

hello sister Dave
am so sorry about that I forget u have sent me mail today as for the
number of my helper's we are up to 15 but on Sunday I will give u the
no of people DAT are serious OK thanks for ur understanding I pray
DAT the holy lamb of God blessed u
thanks brother Quin

Thursday
14:32 Sister Dave

Quote:

Dear brother Quin,

Thank you for telling me the number of helpers. I have previously mentioned that you need at least 4 official helpers and a maximum of 12, because the number of our Lord's apostles was 12. You can have more helpers, but the 12 you choose as your most important helpers will receive a monthly salary from our church. If you have more helpers, they will also receive a small compensation as they are part of your diocese but they will have a different task. I hope you understand this. These are the regulations of our church, as I explained to you before.
Please, as soon as you know the final number of your helpers, don't hesitate to let me know, because I have to register this in the church's files.

Be blessed
Dave

19:45 Quin

Quote:

good evening sister Dave thanks for your understanding I really
appreciate you for your encouragement and advice towards me I
understand all u have said I will do exactly that OK may u be blessed
by the holy lamb of God.
brother Quin

Posted: Sun Mar 22, 2020 9:25 pm

Saturday
12:21 Sister Dave

Quote:

Dear brother Quin,

It is Saturday now and you failed to inform me about your progress yesterday as you promised to do. I would like to receive an update from you about the current situation.

Be blessed
Sister Dave

14:23 Quin

Quote:

hello sister Dave good afternoon sorry about that my system
was down we are making progress about the act tomorrow been Sunday I
told u by the grace of God we will succeed and I will send u the
pictures immediately after snapping it OK pls be patient with us
thanks for ur understanding may u be blessed by the holy Lamb of God
thanks brother Quin

Sunday
11: 12 Quin

Quote:

Dear Sister Dave.
How are you and the congregation of the Lamb over there in Scot
land,pls am mailing you from our gathering together with 13 member of
my members,we were not allowed by authorities over monitoring people's
movements as directed by our Government,there has been embargo
/restrictions on people's gathering and meetings because of the Corona
virus issue till further notice,unknown to us that they will order
police and other forces to monitor that,please we are confused about
this because we do not know what next to do so please we commend you
suggest to us what next to do One more thing. the men we meet on
ground there asked us to give a proof of what we were saying,if it is
truly that we are there for Church sake.(1) you people phone no or
photographs or WhatsApp to see those having dealing with us from there
So please advice us on what to do please, Or do we wait till the
embargo on movements is lifted or how. do reply as we are all waiting
to hear from you people before going to our different homes,Note I
also forward this to Sir Chancellor Ed.
Thanks and remain blessed.
Brother Quin and Members

It might be a lie, or not, I don't mind in this case. The situation is serious enough to change our plans. I do not want to risk the virus spreading because of one of our tasks.

13:58 Sister Dave

Quote:

Dear brother Quin,

I understand the situation in your country and I advise you to respect the instructions from the government. Once this is over you will have enough time to do this task again. With the current situation in the world we all need to be careful and adapt to the new circumstances.
I will talk to father Ed about how we should act in this situation. Don't worry, we will not let you down. We appreciate your willingness to become a reverend and start a new parish. I will get back to you as soon as possible.

Be blessed
Sister Dave

14:45 Quin

Quote:

good afternoon sister Dave how was the service were you people able
to gather or it was done on line hope it was great thanks for ur
understanding I am very grateful may our good lord bless u and rev
Ed and all the elders in the church may u be bless by the holy
lamb of God
thanks brother Quin

21:53 Sister Dave

Quote:

Dear brother Quin,

I have consulted father Ed and he has spoken with the elders about this very worrisome situation. Of course we will not ask you to go against your government regulantions and we want everybody to remain safe, so you shouldn't gather a large group of people right now. Instead of reenacting the biblical scene the elders have decided to give you a task you can fulfil by yourself.

You need to read the book Exodus in the Bible and draw out the stories from the whole book. The stories with Moses, the burning bush, all the plagues, tha Passover, the escape from Egypt, the passing through the sea and all other stories. You need to draw a minimum of 20 drawings, but personally I believe you will need to make more in order to project the complete book of Exodus.

You can send me pictures of your work everytime you have finished some so that we can monitor your progress and guide it when needed. Father Ed and the other elders will be unavailable for communications in the next few days. The exact time isn't known right now, but they have retreated in their chambers for a time of prayer and fasting.

Be blessed,
Sister Dave

Posted: Mon Mar 23, 2020 2:20 am

^ I've heard rumblings of that too, and even if there is no official policy, many of my "colleagues" have reported that people are too scared to visit each other or to gather. I know there are some cases in Ghana and Cameroon. Lads can get up to plenty of shenanigans at home.

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

It is all true - many Nogerian churches, etc have already closed.

Posted: Tue Mar 24, 2020 6:06 am

^^^ Yeap, it is true. Many of our lads talk about viruses and isolation, so probably all the countries in the world take about the same kind of measures.
===

Our dear "brother" Quin wrote to sister Dave:

Quote:

good evening sister Dave how was ur day OK thanks for ur understanding u mean I should draw the pictures of the story about mose and the burning Bush and about the crossing of the red sea right pls explain better may u all be blessed by the holy lamb of God
thanks
brother Quin

Sister Dave:

Quote:

Dear brother Quin,

I thought I have explained the task to you clearly enough. What is it that you do not understand?
The book of Exodus has a lot of stories in it. You will have to read the complete book of exodus and make drawings of all of the stories in the book, and pay extra attention to the stories I mentioned in my previous email to you. Probably you will need to make more than 20 drawings to portrey all the stories in the book Exocus, but since you can not go out and gather with people I believe you will have enough time to do this task now.
Please send me the drawings as soon as you have finished one or two and keep me updated about your progress so that I will be able to guide you through it.
I hope you understand now what you need to do.

Be blessed
sister Dave

===
This idiot is a good candidate and we hope to keep him "connected" to the Church until we all overcome this dificile period.

Posted: Wed Mar 25, 2020 6:01 am

The good Reverend Quin is trying to maintain contact with Sister Dave... Yes, it seems that he really started reading the Bible and we will probably get that set of Exodus drawings. Twisted Evil

Quote:

Hello Sister Dave.
How was your day hope nice one, for me it was,cause I had time going through books of Exodus and some other places in the Holy Bible the Revised Standard Bible,where I noticed that the story of Moses started when he went with Aaron to pharaoh to tell him that God asked them to come to him and tell him that he the most high God say that he should let his people go,when pharaoh refused he asked Moses to drop the Rod in his hand before Pharaoh and the Rod turned to a big snake,Secondly when he sent the death affliction to Egypt and asked Mose to put the mark of Blood on the doors of all the Israelites in Egypt,that when the affliction's get to their door it will pass over with out harming them am still going through,i will start to make my drawings and quotations from the Bible from tomorrow, believing you will hold me strongly in your prayers to scale through this.
Thanks and Be Blessed by the Holy Lamb.
Brother Quin.

Sister Dave:

Quote:

Dear brother Quin,

Thank you for your message. You are always in our prayers constantly.
It is kind of you to give me an update about your progress, but I believe that you have forgotten a part of the story of Moses. Or did you already forget that the story of Moses begins with his birth and the way he was placed in a basket in the river and found by the daughter of Pharaoh? Please read all the passages well and use the complete story in your drawings. Once again. I believe 20 drawings will not be enough to portray the full story, so please make more.

Be blessed
Dave

===

Posted: Wed Mar 25, 2020 9:56 am

5:50 Quin

Quote:

good morning sister Dave thanks for the correction am very grateful
I saw it I was thinking u wanted me to start from when he went to
Egypt now I will draw it from the beginning may u be blessed by the
holy lamb of God
brother quin

10:55 Sister Dave

Quote:

Dear brother quin,

I thought the assignment was clear from the start, but I am glad you contacted me on time with your doubts so we could clear this up. I am looking forward to seeing your results.

Be blessed
Sister Dave

Posted: Fri Mar 27, 2020 7:06 am

More fun with our brother Quin...

The lad wrote to sister Dave:

Quote:

Hello Sister Dave.
Good evening and how was your day hope fantastic.
am happy to inform you that I have been able to make some of the pictures and quotation from the Bible,but in the process of my trying to send it,my data got finished so I will make purchase of data by tomorrow to enable me send it,am still drawing more as requested.
thanks and remain Blessed
Brother Quin.

and

Quote:

Dear Sister Dave
Good morning and how was your night Could you please confirm to me your receipt of my first drawings sent to you yesterday?
this will ginger me for continuation and enable me know if there are mistakes and corrections to make. How are Chancellor Ed and other elders that are on their prayer sections,I pray that the Holy Lamb will strengthen them.
Thanks and Remain Blesseed
Brother Quin.

===

Posted: Fri Mar 27, 2020 9:49 am

That lad needs slapping! How dare he to depict Moses with a dildo in his hand?? That is blasphemy! Laughing

Posted: Fri Mar 27, 2020 10:59 am

So when Moses hears God's call he decides to whip the crap out of some poor slave carrying bricks in a skirt? Also, I see zero bushes let alone any burning ones in his "I honk for dildo's and sheep (?)" portrait.

Posted: Fri Mar 27, 2020 11:38 am

The sheep look almost too happy..hmmm..

Posted: Sat Mar 28, 2020 5:28 am

I'm liking this bait! Laughing

I have to say, this lad does have some decent artistic talent. Maybe Sister Dave and Reverend Ed are so impressed with his work, they want to use his drawings in their annual publication. Of course the lad would get a signing bonus plus royalties, but it'll take a lot more than 20 pictures. 100 pictures might suffice?

Posted: Sat Mar 28, 2020 6:54 am

Well, well, well. Laughing

Sister Dave to our lad:

Quote:

Dear brother Quin
Thank you for the first drawings that you have sent to me yesterday. The corona crisis is hitting our area as well and we have many moments which we use to seclude ourselves in prayer for those in need, so excuse me for my late reply.
I am pleasantly surprised by your first drawings and I'm looking forward to see the rest of them

Be blessed
Dave

The Lad:

Quote:

good afternoon sister Dave,how are you doing today pls do bear withme I have been able to send u the once I have drawn
pls I need to have arrest because all through the night was drawing from now till Monday I will send u the remaining ones
thanks and remain blessed
brother Quin

Sister Dave:

Quote:

Brother Quin,

While studying your drawings I have noticed that these do not seem to be drawn by you but rather copied from a book. May I remind you that this is a spiritual task and you need to draw your own visions, not the visions of someone else who made drawings for a childrens book.
I hope you understand this guideline and will adjust your work accordingly.

Be blessed
Dave

The Lad:

Quote:

Dear Sister Dave.
Good evening,thanks for letting me know you have seen the drawn pictures I sent to you,
please I want you to know that there are Bibles with drawn events in them,so for me if it were to be situations we are close all I will ask from you is just to sit down and watch me while you mention the events about Moses you would like/want me to draw then watch me do it.I could not sleep all through last night in order to make sure I draw enough before day break,note that I draw after reading the portion in the Bible,is then I get insight of what to draw please not the way/manner you think please,so clearify me as to continue with the remaining task.
Thanks
Brother Quin.

Baiting Guru Joined: 25 Jul 2017 Posts: 2107

Amazing pictures! I love the Scaminator's idea of an illustrated book, this lad has talent.

Posted: Sat Mar 28, 2020 4:38 pm

^^^ We suspect that our idiot just copied the drawings from a book with illustrations for children. Laughing

Posted: Sat Mar 28, 2020 5:10 pm

In the penultimate picture, the one with Moses holding his "staff," I must admit I first saw a different sort of staff entirely, making the liquid a bit more interesting.

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