Peter, a funny nigerian scammer - 4x Safari

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Posted: Thu Feb 13, 2020 10:32 am

Friday:

Peter, answering to the last email of my fake nigerian Umukelani:

Quote:

OK I will get 3-4 people after discuss our part.

Our dear lad Peter is eager to choose his disciples to base the new Parish on... of course, he doesn't know anything about it.
Yet.
LOL! Laughing

Posted: Thu Feb 13, 2020 9:26 pm

17:03 Sister Dave to Peter

Quote:

Dear brother Peter,

I have heard the news from the shipping company that the driver has passed away. It is such a tragedy. In a way we can be relieved because there is nobody to say that it was your money that was in the parcel so it looks like God truly uses all things for His plans. We will have to pray for the family that man left behind though.
I am happy to hear that the children are doing well. I have sent the unfortunate news about the loss of your orphanage's sponsorship to all our parishes and the new reverend from Cameroon sent his special wishes to you and he promised to keep you in mind during his daily prayers. He is a devoted man who works hard for the good cause of our church. The parish isn't functioning yet but as soon as it will be, he will receive his installment bonus and a good monthly salary and other benefits so that he will be able to focus completely on the work for the Lord. He has gone through the initial steps and in the next coming days we will be happy to know that he will celebrate his baptism ceremony. Please keep brother Levis in your prayers, because as we know, in times we do what the Lord asks of us, we will be tested the most by those who are against us.
Please keep me informed at all times about the wellbeing of the children and let me know if there are any specific situations that would need our prayers.

Be blessed
Sister Dave

18:13 Peter to sister Dave

Quote:

Thank you sister Dave for all your prayers and love you have shown us,
I also heard the news from the company that the drive man was poisoned in Togoand I was shocked how it happened to him any way I still hope that they will going to release the parcel.

I am grateful to all Holy lamb church
Peter omezulu

18:23 Peter to Emoje

Quote:

Dear Sir,

I am so sorry to hear that Joojoo the drive was poisoned in Togo, any way let's pray for his soul and his family he left behind.

Thank you
Peter

22:19 Emoje to Peter

Quote:

Masah el Keihr, Sir,

At this time I have no news to share with you about the investigation. It is a complex process where many people are involved and only until the compete investigation is finished and the police has some definite answers, the insurance can be informed about this and do their work. Before they will reimburse anything the complete events that led to the misplacing of the parcels, the homosexual threats and the tragic death of our driver need to be cleared up, to be sure that the beneficiaries of the insurance policies don't have anything to do with any of these events.

Allah is great and I thank you for your prayers. Inna Lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un. Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un. Praise to Allah!

As Salamu Alaykum!
Emoje

Posted: Sun Feb 16, 2020 7:56 pm

I've been kinda busy in RL these days so he had to wait a while to get more news from the church

14:14 Sister Dave to Peter

Quote:

Dear brother Peter,

I didn't hear any updates anymore but they did tell me it could take a long time before everything was finished regarding the investigations. I'm praying for the possible best outcome. I am very glad that you are a man of faith and I see a big future for you. The way you care for the children who are given to you by God himself is awe-inspring. Please tell me you have been praying for us as well?
The baptism ceremony of brother Levis has gone well. He sent us some video material of it and it was a pleasure to behold. I think once they have finished everything, father Ed*** will surely go over there to meet him and see the work of his hands in person. Please keep praying for him and also for the safe return of our church leaders.
Your children are and will be in my daily prayers.

Be blessed
Sister Dave

14:32

Quote:

Thank you sister Dave for willing heart that you have shown us,

We're all grateful to thank Lord for life and good health he gave us I am thankful to Almighty God.
All the children are fine and I am waiting for update from the company.
Thank you for all your doings

I am grateful to all Holy lamb church
Peter omezulu

Posted: Mon Feb 17, 2020 9:46 pm

19:15 Peter to Emoje

Quote:

Dear Sir,

I haven't heard from you regarding the investigation, because I have been waiting for the update please.

Thank you
Peter

22:38 Emoje

Quote:

Masah el Keihr Sir,

I'm very sorry but I have no news to tell you at the moment. The investigations are complicated by the discovery of substance abuse and homosexual threats. The police is still trying to find out where these threats have come from. Also the origin of th cash that Joojoo had on him is still unknown. The police believes it has come from one of the parcels so they are looking into that, but until now, all senders have denied knowing anything about this.
It is a very complicated situation and because the police works with bribes it is hard to get them to work swiftly to resolve this matter. The company's insurance policy only proceed to pay out when the investigation is completed. In my honest opinion, this process can take weeks. As soon as I know anything new about this, I will let you know.

As Salamu Alaykum!
Emoje

Posted: Tue Feb 18, 2020 10:58 pm

23:56

Quote:

Dear brother Peter,

I still haven't received an update from the company yet, but they told me earlier that it can take a long time for them to finish the investigation. All we can do is pray for the best.
Brother Levis has been working on his monument of faith these last days and he's really making progress. I believe one of the church leaders might be going there soon after their return and give them the financial support to get the parish up and running. It's so wonderful how they will be able to help the community with this. I'm glad it's only a few days now until the church leaders are back.

Be blessed
Sister Dave

Posted: Fri Feb 21, 2020 10:22 am

Friday

10.58 - Just to keep him "warm"... my fake nigerian Umukelani wrote to Peter:

Quote:

I'm already preparing for my return in Europe. Tonight I'm leaving for Paris and probably tomorrow afternoon I will arrive in England.
I will try to rest for the rest of the day and on Sunday I will attend their main sermon. We will discuss Monday morning.
Is everything alright with you?

Posted: Mon Feb 24, 2020 11:33 am

We were trying to keep the flame of Faith burning in our poor idiot Peter Laughing

... if we can convince him, then I think he will become a very good Reverend. Twisted Evil

===

Friday - Peter responds to the last Umukelani's mail (see above):

Quote:

Everything is okay, But I am waiting for our discuss before to inform the other people in.

Saturday - Umukelani is come back, in England:

Quote:

I finally got home but I am extremely tired after almost 2 days of travel.
My girlfriend insisted that we stay overnight in Paris to do some shopping.
We'll talk tomorrow afternoon or Monday morning.

Monday - Umukelani to Peter:

Quote:

Are you there?
I have some news and I want to know if you still want to work together and if this time you will accept to listen to my advice.

Peter:

Quote:

OK I still want to work together, what is the news?

Umukelani explains his new plan:

Quote:

Yesterday morning I attended their Sunday Sermon and then I stayed to attend the subsequent discussions. I think I told you that I regularly donate small amounts of money for their charity activities, so I am accepted as a full member of the community. A few months ago, before I met you, I learned that the old Cardinal who leads the church wants to expand activity in all poor countries. They started looking for people to accept the role of Reverend and to establish new parishes. Basically, only they need is someone who claims to be a real Christian man and wants to set up a local parish. That person will be officially designated as Reverend and that new Parish will be recorded in the Holy Mother Church records. It is not easy, but not difficult. I have studied everything and we can do it, if you find some friends there to help you. We will need to "prove" to these old idiots that you have a strong and powerful moral support from those around you and that you deserve to be "their pastor". The admission process in the church is simple and is based on some steps that you and your "parishioners" (ie those friends willing to help you) will have to pass. There is nothing complicated, you do not have to spend any money and you just have to be docile and send everything that is required. Basically, we will have to convince the elders here that you and your people are devoted to their Faith and that you have taken all the necessary steps. There will be some vows to make, some religious pictures to send, some group photos that have to comply with certain religious requirements. At the end, after your "sacred oath"m you and your people (your friends) will be officially accepted, your new Parish will be declared "functional" and you will receive the financial installation bonus (the last bonus paid this month for a Reverend from Cameroon was of $40,000). For fucking Jesus, there's a big pile of money waiting for us if we are smart! Then, monthly you will receive a regular salary plus some fucking money for your Parish spending budget. Your salary and monthly budget is approaching $10,000, which means we (me and you) can earn about $ 5,000 each month.

My plan is as follows:
- You will claim that you want to spread the seeds of Faith and you will say that your inner vocation qualifies you to lead people to True Faith!
- You must send a message to Reverend Alfred, stating that "Dear Father, I only understood now that God wanted to try me and sent me a sign when I approached you. I dreamed that I would be that humble pastor who will take the sheep to the green grass and cold spring water. Father, I need guidance and support for the people around me! I want to be with you, in Faith and Religion. Accept me as your brother and help me convert as many souls!"
- The fact that they already know you and they trusted you (to send you that parcel) is decisive and I am convinced that their Council will approve your request. I personally will declare that I met you (on my last vacation, last week) and that you are the right man to set up a new Parish in Nigeria.
- After the new parish is declared functional, a church team will wants to make a visit there. This usually happens within 6-12 months after "the inauguration". So, theoretically, we will be able to split the first installation bonus (at least $40,000) and we can divide all the money that will be paid monthly for a period of at least 6 months. Of course, every month you will have to send them some documented materials (pictures and documents) that prove that you are preaching, doing charity, talking to people and advising them... this kind of religious activity.
- In the worst case scenario, if their Great Cardinal wants to visit you after 6 months, each of us will have 20,000 + (6x5,000 monthly) = 50,000 fucking dollars
- In the good case, when the Cardinal will give you a longer time for "organizing" (more than 6 months), then we will be able to earn more money monthly.

When those idiots will announce you that they want to "visit the parish" (this usually happens 1-2 months in advance) we will have to invent a reason for them to stop coming here. We will then think about the necessary lies. What do you think about my plan? Do you think you have a few friends willing to play the role of "your parishioners" and help you with all the fucking oaths, and religious pictures and all the other necessary requirements? Eventually, if needed, you can promise them that you will pay them after the inauguration Ceremony (from the first salary).

===

2 hours later, Umukelani writes again to Peter... some clarifications:

Quote:

I just finished my night shift and I will go home to sleep. We will talk later or tomorrow. In the last months I managed to get along quite well with one of the church's monks. It's about brother Fiilemon (he is in charge of the church supply, so he comes daily at the store) and I told him about my project (before I met you, I was looking for someone else to plays the role of the nigerian "Reverend"). Brother Fiilemon is a drunkard and I secretly supply him with rum. I managed to get close to him and he will tell us everything we need to know about the stages of the Admission process. You don't have to be afraid of anything, because we will do everything as they should and as these old idiots wants. You will only need to listen to the advice I will give you, because they will be approved before by Fiilemon so them will be 100% in concordance with their fucking expectations. OK?

Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2020 8:35 am

Yesterday, late evening

19.41 - Peter wrote to my fake nigerian Umukelani... he seems to be scared of sister Dave. Laughing

Quote:

OK I understand but it will going to be hard for me to arrange the oaths, and am really afraid of sister Dave because I don't really know what is she up to with the shipping company about the parcel, that's why I'm afraid of this.

Umukelani:

Quote:

I do not understand you. Can you be more clearer? From what I know, the parcel's case was closed with the death of that fucking thief-driver. All the Insurance Companies in this world have the habit of delaying and postponing any kind of conclusion, because they never want to pay insurance policies. They will try to buy time and will require many expertise and counter-expertise, for months and years. Until then, nothing is completed and no one will be able to draw any conclusions. So, what is your problem and why are you afraid? As for Dave, yes, you are right; she's a woman we shouldn't play with. But, as long as we respect her requests and we do everything "as in the holy book" we should not be afraid of anything. OK?

Tuesday

09.20 - Peter hasn't answered so far, so Umukelani writes another message to our idiot:

Quote:

What the fuck is going on there and why are you ignoring me? I really need to know if I can rely on you, or not. I spent a lot of money with my little sister's fucking wedding and I really need a partner to do this business with. If you do not want to get involved and if you are really afraid to earn so much money, then please be honest with me and tell me the truth and I will try to introduce my new brother-in-law in this scheme, although it will be harder than in your case (because those old idiots already trust you and everything would be easy). At the end of March the church closes its annual accounting exercise and a large fucking congress will be organized where all their representatives will come. All future budgets and development plans are discussed and approved. We need to "exist" and to be "considered", in order for them to accept the establishment of "our" new nigerian Parish. I need your honest and urgent answer, because I want to know if we will work together or if I have to discuss all these details with my sister's husband.

===

15.44 - Peter to Umukelani, about the "church things". Laughing

Quote:

I really want it but am afraid because I don't know what are they going to request for me.

17.11 - Umukelani is prepared to provide explanations from which it can be seen that everything is very easy and extremely "achievable". Twisted Evil

Quote:

I know what's the stages, because I was interested in this before we even met.
- You must pretend that you are very faithful and that you want to actively participate in the spreading of their Faith (they are Christians, with Jesus and the rest of the usual religious things).
- They will want to see that you already have a small group of people around you who "listen to you and follow you". These will be "your future parishioners". Basically, you will need to take some pictures with some friends, or with some of your acquaintances.
- I do not know exactly what is the minimum number of people... I think 7 men, but I will find out exactly. I think you can find 5-6 friends to help you with this. Eventually, you promise to give them $ 20 to each of them after the entire parish will be accepted and the money will start coming into accounts.
- After the Elders will see that you already have the people needed to form the new parish, they will choose a religious theme and ask you to recreate that theme. Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel, Moses and his tribe, David and Goliath etc... something from their Bible. You should not be afraid, because they will explain everything to you and you can ask everything you do not understand. With local materials you have to improvise one of the scenes chosen by them. Like some kind of theater scene. You have to take some pictures and that's all.
- If they are satisfied with the result, then you will reach the final stage and that is the end of it. Together with the "parishioners" (your friends) you will need to build a miniature monument - depending on the theme chosen previously - the cross of the crucifixion, or the pyramid of the pharaohs, or the tree of knowledge, or the Moses tables etc. That is, a small object that symbolizes the theme that will be distributed to you.
- It all ends with the final ceremony (you will be appointed Reverend) where you will have to say a few religious phrases and your friends must be with you and pour "milk and honey" on you - it is something related to the promise that God made to the Jews when he told them he would take them to the country where milk and honey flow.
- So, there is nothing complicated and nothing to be afraid of that you cannot do. They like to be asked and they like to give advice, so you can ask them for clarifications.
From what Philemon (that monk) told me a few weeks ago, such an initiation lasts between 2-4 weeks (depending on how fast the parishioners move their fucking lazy asses). Accepting your appointment as Reverend is equivalent to the official registration of your new Parish. From that moment everything enters the official financial circuit of the church: monthly salaries, development budget, installation bonus, etc.

If this little idiot accepts to become "Reverend of the Holy Lamb", I predict that we will see some remarkable "Baptism" ceremonies and a beautiful "Pyramid of the Faith". Laughing

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

Wannabe Baiter Joined: 28 Oct 2018 Posts: 90

I can feel the glow of the holy spirit already.

Posted: Wed Feb 26, 2020 8:03 am

Wednesday

08.45 - The little idiot is scared of sister Dave and / or can't persuade his friends to assist him in "building" the new Parish... he's not as excited as he should be, so my fake nigerian Umukelani wrote a new message. The first slap of today. Laughing

Quote:

Peter, it's been more than 15 hours since I wrote to you and you fucking avoid replying to my messages. All your messages lately have been short and "without substance". I am beginning to be skeptical about your ability to complete any action, whether it is simple or complicated. If you can't even convince a few friends to help you earn some easy money, how do you think we can work together? I told you I had the whole plan ready and I showed you all the necessary preparations. I told you that those old idiots will accept you as their future Reverend because they already think you are a sincere and honest man. I told you everything you need to know. I do not understand what you want to do, but I assure you that you will not succeed this plan without my help. The monk Filemon will tell me immediately if anyone from Nigeria comes up with the proposal of setting up a new parish so, if you want to cheat me and work alone, you will not succeed! If I don't get an answer from you until tomorrow, then I will give up my intention to work with you and I will seek to convince those idiots in the church to accept my brother-in-law as their future Reverend.

===

10.22 - The idiot tries to avoid being actively involved... I don't know why, his friends probably laughed at him. Laughing

Quote:

The reason is that I'm afraid of sending messages to them but if we can work it together with your brother in-law then he will represent the reverend because I would like us to work it out with him to avoid any suspect from the church.

Umukelani to Peter... the second slap of the day.

Quote:

I don't understand anything and I don't know why you're afraid. Be more clearer! I need to know if you can pretend that you want to establish a new parish and be their Reverend in Nigeria? Yes or no? You only need 4-5 friends to be with you and help with some photos. If you are so lazy and refuse to work with me on this plan, then I will try to introduce my brother-in-law to the scheme. Of course, if they accept him as future Reverend, then I won't need you anymore and of course you won't get anything. I have already seen that you are an fucking idiot incapable of making the right decisions, which is why I have prepared everything so as to make money without any risks. All you have to do is be respectful of the church and listen to my advice (because I will ask that fucking drunkard monk what needs to be done so that everything be easily accepted). But if you are lazy and do not want to do anything, then you will not get even one single fucking naira!

===

Posted: Thu Feb 27, 2020 7:01 am

Thursday

- Still nothing from him. It seems that our idiot does not like my idea of "new parish" at all and he avoids saying anything precise.
- I think he tried to call on some friends to help him, and they laughed at him. Laughing

I do not know what to say. If he continues that way, then we will probably give up.

07.53 - Umukelani to Peter:

Quote:

I'm still waiting for your answer. Last night I went to church, to "smell" the situation and I managed to talk a little with Father Alfred (the leader of the parish here). Their fucking Congress will be held at the end of March and until then they will accept Applications to support new international communities. So we have high chances that our idea will work and we can get the necessary funds. I really need a concrete answer from you, because I don't want to miss this huge opportunity.

===

Posted: Thu Feb 27, 2020 6:19 pm

If he’s scared of the church, but still interested in work, why not give him another option? Maybe he’d rather sing, dance, or act. If he’s up for another safari, I can “hire him” and have him go off to pick up buried treasure or something somewhere.

Posted: Fri Feb 28, 2020 7:19 am

^^^ The only thing that really scares him is "the work". Nothing else! He would prefer sit on the chair and do nothing. Laughing

Yesterday, late evening... Peter wrote to Umukelani:

Quote:

OK, then how are we going to proceed about it?

===

THE HOLY CHURCH EPISODE

The characters:
The lad: Peter - the Director of an nigerian Orphanage and a possible aspirant for the role of local Reverend,
Linoline: Sister Dave - the secretary of the Church - Liverpool Parish,
Me: Umukelani - a crook nigerian guy - based in Liverpool / England, he works at the local store,
Me: Father Alfred - The Reverend of the Liverpool Parish,

Today, 08.15 - Umukelani to our idiot:

Quote:

Yesterday I came home from work very late and went to my bed without reading the messages. Only now have I seen your mail. It's easy! You should write a message to Father Alfred expressing your strong desire to become an "active member of the community" and say that "you want to help spread the seeds of the Faith." Tell him also that you have a group of people around you who believe in the same moral and human values and that you feel "the need to become better". I have often heard this expression on them, it seems that they like it! Tell him that you dreamed you were on a large stage and you were talking to people, and they applauded and sang. Tell him that you want to help and feel that you can truly be a good Christian and ask him to approve the establishment of a local parish in your city. He will probably ask you if you have a core of believers near you, and you will have to say YES. I hope you managed to talk to some of your friends about this, because our plan is based on the existence of a number of people cooperating. Ok? Surely the old Reverend will tell the secretary to take care of this, and sister Dave will explain the necessary procedures. You do not have to be afraid if you do not understand something, because they are extremely attentive to their "people" and, if we manage to win their trust, then everything will be fine! Filemon told me a few months ago that someone in Indonesia received more than $ 65,000 last year because he founded a parish and convinced our idiots that everything is fine. After 6 months, when the Cardinal and his team went there, they found nothing. That's how I came to the idea that we can do the same. Do you understand what you have to do? Write a message to those idiots and tell them that you want to become an active member of their Church and that you want to preach Faith in your community.

Few minutes later, Umukelani writes a new message to our moron:

Quote:

Another one important thing. If it's something unclear that you don't understand, write to me immediately and I'll ask my friend Filemon. From everything he told me about the establishment of the new parishes, there was nothing impossible or difficult to achieve. The only important thing is that we can rely on the help of some of your friends. That's your problem, how do you make sure you have their support.

===

11.31 - Peter to Umukelani:

Quote:

I understand now but what I want you to compose the full message and send it to because I don't really have experience about the establishment of the new parishes, and also need to know more about what are they going to request me to prove to them that is real, so I will know if I can be able to provide it before sending the message to reverend father, and the reason that the message should be compose by is that you have knowing more needs about it OK.

Umukelani:

Quote:

You don't have to know anything, because they will teach you everything. When I joined their church, I had to fill out a form and I made a picture with a paper written with some verses from the Bible. At their sermons he speaks freely, each one is urged to speak and say what he wants. They do not have many rules and rely heavily on human communication. They like to talk and debate religious topics. You don't have to be afraid of what you don't know, because they will guide you and show you everything to do. I will be next to you and we can ask Filemon if it is something extremely unclear and we really cannot solve it. Here is the text of the message that you must send to Rev. Alfred:

Dear Father, I only understood now that God wanted to try me and sent me a sign when I approached you and your Church.
I dreamed that I would be that humble pastor who will take the sheep to the green grass and cold spring water.
Father, I need guidance and support for the people around me! I have many poor souls around me who need spiritual guidance and I want to try to be their Pastor.
Father, I want to be with you, in your Faith! I want you to teach me what to do to become your Pastor here and set up a small local parish.
Accept me as your brother and help me convert as many souls!

It is very clear and certain that he will appreciate these words. Then, he'll probably get the secretary Dave to handle with the rest of the details and you'll have to be very polite and very prompt in your dialogue. Be careful to always thank her for her messages and take care of your language! You don't have to be afraid, as long as you are polite. If you do not understand a certain thing, just ask and it will be answered. OK?

===

12.36 - As I assumed, it seems that Peter has problems with his friends. No one seems to be willing to help him, especially after he came home empty-handed from previous trips. Laughing

Quote:

The only problem is that I don't a friend can be cable on this because I don't know if they are going to request something from them, because I need to be very clear and careful on this.

13.20 - Umukelani's very upset. Very Happy

Quote:

I already told you what the requirements are, in that email I sent you a few days ago. Are you mocking me, or just looking for excuses to do nothing? Fuck you!
If you don't want to get involved, be honest and tell me the truth. I already lost a week with you and your fucking hesitations. If you are not able to convince 3-4 friends to help you, then promise them you will pay them! Fuck them! Precisely they will change their attitude. By the end of March, each of us can win at least $25,000 (if we share the initial installation bonus). Then the monthly salaries will come, which we will divide. At least 6 months we will not have any financial problems. Read my fucking message again about this shit and let's get on with it. I warn you very seriously thatm if you do nothing concrete, then on Monday I will go to father Alfred and say that my brother-in-law wants to become Reverend.

- You must pretend that you are very faithful and that you want to actively participate in the spreading of their Faith (they are Christians, with Jesus and the rest of the usual religious things).
- They will want to see that you already have a small group of people around you who "listen to you and follow you". These will be "your future parishioners". Basically, you will need to take some pictures with some friends, or with some of your acquaintances.
- I do not know exactly what is the minimum number of people... I think 7 men, but I will find out exactly. I think you can find 5-6 friends to help you with this. Eventually, you promise to give them $ 20 to each of them after the entire parish will be accepted and the money will start coming into accounts.
- After the Elders will see that you already have the people needed to form the new parish, they will choose a religious theme and ask you to recreate that theme. Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel, Moses and his tribe, David and Goliath etc... something from their Bible. You should not be afraid, because they will explain everything to you and you can ask everything you do not understand. With local materials you have to improvise one of the scenes chosen by them. Like some kind of theater scene. You have to take some pictures and that's all.
- If they are satisfied with the result, then you will reach the final stage and that is the end of it. Together with the "parishioners" (your friends) you will need to build a miniature monument - depending on the theme chosen previously - the cross of the crucifixion, or the pyramid of the pharaohs, or the tree of knowledge, or the Moses tables etc. That is, a small object that symbolizes the theme that will be distributed to you.
- It all ends with the final ceremony (you will be appointed Reverend) where you will have to say a few religious phrases and your friends must be with you and pour "milk and honey" on you - it is something related to the promise that God made to the Jews when he told them he would take them to the country where milk and honey flow.
- So, there is nothing complicated and nothing to be afraid of that you cannot do. They like to be asked and they like to give advice, so you can ask them for clarifications.
From what Philemon (that monk) told me a few weeks ago, such an initiation lasts between 2-4 weeks (depending on how fast the parishioners move their fucking lazy asses). Accepting your appointment as Reverend is equivalent to the official registration of your new Parish. From that moment everything enters the official financial circuit of the church: monthly salaries, development budget, installation bonus, etc.

Posted: Mon Mar 02, 2020 7:30 am

Monday

06.42 - Over the weekend, our lad Peter was extremely quiet, so my fake nigerian Umukelani wrote a message:

Quote:

You have chosen silence, so I will respect your desire. I will try to get financing for my brother-in-law. Goodbye!

08.20 - Peter:

Quote:

OK but think wise before work together with your brother in-law

Umukelani:

Quote:

I really wanted to work with you, because we already know each other well and we trust each other. Also, those old idiots in the church trust you and would have approved our project immediately. All you had to do was pretend that you have some people around you who want to become your parishioners and you want to become their Reverend. A few emails and a few fucking pictures would have been enough to get the necessary funding. A lot of fucking money! I do not understand why you prefer to be lazy and win nothing. Do you have any other clients you hope to get easy money from? Or what? Tell me the truth, please.

===

11.01 - Peter to Umukelani:

Quote:

OK we will work it out

Umukelani:

Quote:

Peter, I repeat you for the last time. If you cannot rely on the support of 3-4 friends, we will not succeed. Remember my fucking words. I need to know for sure that you are serious and that you can get involved in this business. You and a few other friends of yours! If YES, then write and send that Letter immediately to father Alfred (I wrote the text in my previous messages) and I promise you that today I go to them to plead "our cause". I will claim that I met you in Nigeria and that you are the man they need. OK?

===

Posted: Mon Mar 02, 2020 1:36 pm

14:34 Sister Dave writes to 'brothers in faith' (a.k.a. only our lad, but it looks like it could've been sent to more people)

Quote:

Dear brothers in faith,

As some of you might be aware of, we are constantly looking for ways to expand the faith over the whole world. Like our Lord Jesus Christ taught us when He left the earth, we should spread the Word over the earth and make new disciples.

This is why I am writing you all today. With easter coming closer, we decided this is the right moment to to expand to other continents and we're looking for faithful brothers who are devoted to the Lord and willing to become reverends of new parishes.

New reverends will be supported by our church. After the installment there will be a financial bonus to get the new parish started. This will consist of a financial donation and a courtesy parcel of electronic products that are needed for the new parish. Also costs for living for the new reverend and his family will be provided. For the first period the new parish will receive financial support to keep the parish operating. After the first few years the support will be gradually reduced. We expect a parish to be completely self sufficient and operating on donations of the parish members after a period of 10 years.

I am asking all of you, who I know to be trustworthy and faithful brothers to look into your heart and see if there's a fire of the Lord inside of you which will motivate you to become a new reverend for our church, or, if you feel like you are not called for this yourself, see if you know someone who will be willing and able to take on this task.

Please contact me as soon as possible if you have someone in mind or if you feel like you are the one who God calls for his purpose.

Be blessed
Sister Dave

Posted: Mon Mar 02, 2020 2:26 pm

14.42 - Peter to Umukelani:

Quote:

I have just got this message from sister Dave Weelson you need to try get back to me immediately with the feedback I will send them now OK I am waiting to hear from you right back.

and

Quote:

I need your urgent response to know if I can send the letter to sister Dave Weelson because I have not sent it to father yet OK

15.25 - Umukelani:

Quote:

Yes, yes, yes. I am still at job, but I will go to them in the afternoon and I will plead for you. Send that letter to both of them, Sister Dave and Father Alfred.

===

Muhahahaha!
Peter finally decided to try to become Reverend. Laughing

The moron, to father Alfred... it is 100% the text composed by Umukelani, in which the idiot has not changed absolutely any word.

Quote:

Dear Father,

I only understood now that God wanted to try me and sent me a sign when I approached you and your Church.

I dreamed that I would be that humble pastor who will take the sheep to the green grass and cold spring water.

Father, I need guidance and support for the people around me! I have many poor souls around me who need spiritual guidance and I want to try to be their Pastor.

Father, I want to be with you, in your Faith! I want you to teach me what to do to become your Pastor here and set up a small local parish.

Accept me as your brother and help me convert as many souls!

May God continue bless you Father
Peter

The moron, to Umukelani:

Quote:

I have sent it to them and you have to talk with them so that they will not going to ask or request something hard to for me OK

Posted: Mon Mar 02, 2020 4:15 pm

Saint Peter v4.19 wrote:

I would be that humble pastor who will take the sheep to the green grass and cold spring water.

This brought tears to the back of my throat...oh wait that was a gag reflex. It's good that he's laying it on pretty thick right off the bat. Maybe as a ritual he should dress up as a sheep and eat real grass while his friends perform multiple ice bucket challenges on him. It was his idea after all...more or less. Such a pro!

Posted: Mon Mar 02, 2020 4:48 pm

Well color me surprised, he actually did go for it. I wonder if he will go all the way; if he manages to do the monument and everything, perhaps something from TWAT could be borrowed and a big party could be held somewhere pleasant like Abeche or Bamako.

Posted: Mon Mar 02, 2020 9:39 pm

16:08 Peter to sister Dave

Quote:

Dear sister Dave,

I only understood now that God wanted to try me and sent me a sign when I approached you and your Church.

I dreamed that I would be that humble pastor who will take the sheep to the green grass and cold spring water.

Sister,I need guidance and support for the people around me! I have many poor souls around me who need spiritual guidance and I want to try to be their Pastor.

Sister, I want to be with you, in your Faith! I want you to teach me what to do to become your Pastor here and set up a small local parish.

Accept me as your brother and help me convert as many souls!

May God bless you
Peter

16:59 Sister Dave

Quote:

Dear brother Peter,

This is wonderful news! I am so happy to hear that you are personally willing to take on this blessed and responsible task.
I will personally relay your message to the church elders, who will discuss this in the morning and as soon as they have made their decision we will surely let you know.
Today I have spoken with brother Ekene who has made enquiry about you earlier this year when we were looking into sponsoring your orphanage and he was very positive about you. He said that he has met you on his recent trip when he went to Nigeria for his sisters wedding and he told me wonderful stories about you. I am impressed by everything that I have heard and I will make sure that the elders will hear about this as well.
We will get back to you with news tomorrow. Please tell me how the children and yourself are doing.

Be blessed
Sister Dave

Posted: Tue Mar 03, 2020 6:49 am

Yesterday, very late... Umukelani wrote to Peter:

Quote:

The beginning was made and our request was well received. If we know how to play our cards well, in less than a month we will be rich. The sister Dave said today that their great Cardinal ordered them to expand the activity of the church in as many countries. Keep me up to date with everything that happens and tell me everything.

Tuesday

07.45 - Umukelani to Peter, another message:

Quote:

Do you have any news from them? Last night when I went to them, I found out that they are meeting today and discussing some projects and approvals. They will probably also discuss your request for the establishment of the new nigerian Parish. Have you arranged all these things with your friends? What if we need them to participate?

08.27 - The Saint Peter writes to Umukelani:

Quote:

I haven't heard from them yet after she told me that they will get back to me today and I am waiting for their feedback so that I will know what how to arrange their request and I would like them to participate so that it will be easier for us to cash out

Umukelani:

Quote:

This is not impossible, as the brother Filemon told me some time ago. You realize that I have to be very careful when talking to him and that I can't tell him all the truth. But, you must think that these Admission procedures are done for everyone in the world and that all those new Reverends who establish new Parishes have gone through them. So, it is clear that the admission process is not impossible or very difficult. If your friends want to make some easy money, now is the time to be with you and help. Right?

===

09.07 - The lazziest reverend in the world writes to Umukelani:

Quote:

I want to know the work of the 3 people that's needed then I will find people can be able to work it that's all I need to know now

09.31 - Umukelani to Peter:

Quote:

Well, I think I answered your fucking question 2-3 weeks ago. Several time. But maybe you do not read my fucking messages and you just want to piss me off. In the first stage, they ask that you and your "parishioners" (that is, your fucking friends) recreate one of the stories in the Bible... some fucking pictures, nothing else. They will choose what the theme is and they will explain everything to do. Don't be afraid to ask them anything, if it's unclear. In the second stage, together with your team (friends), you must build a small-scale replica of one of the Christian religious symbols. You will receive the theme and you will be able to ask for details. The final stage and your appointment as Reverend (that is, after this event they will consider the Parish to be functional and they will start paying the salary and development money and the rest of the budget) is done only after you say some religious phrases and one of the "assistants" (a friend of yours) will sprinkle you with milk and honey. It's something about Moses and the Jews, do not ask me more details because I have not read the Bible. But they will take care to explain everything properly, so it is not necessary to be afraid. As you can see, there is nothing very difficult to do and together with your fucking friends we can do everything in 2-3 weeks. The Easter day can be a very good one for us this year.

My opinion is that this little idiot did not find anyone available to help him. After those 4 trips from which he returned with empty hands, probably now he is labeled as the "Idiot of the village".
We will see his reaction. Shortly, Sister Dave will ask him to take the first pictures of the Admission process: Moses and his tribe, on the edge of the Red Sea. Laughing

Posted: Tue Mar 03, 2020 9:34 am

The Admittance Process - Stage #1

10.27 - Sister Dave wrote to our imbecile:

Quote:

Dear brother Peter,

I have forwarded your message to father Alfred and they have discussed this among the church leaders and everybody was as pleased and grateful as I expected. You already have proven yourself to be a man of the faith and one of our true brothers so the Lord couldn't have chosen better than to send you to fulfil this task and spread the word in Nigeria.

There are a few steps that need to be taken to become a reverend. You can view these as your spiritual journey to prepare you for your taks to lead a parish and be shepherd of your own flock. You don't need to worry about anything, because these steps will not be hard to do, but you will need to prepare them in prayer and guidance of the Lord.

To become a reverend, first you need to gather a few disciples to help you with the tasks in front of you. Jesus had 12 apostles, so the preferred number would be 12, but since this is a very new decision that you have made, we will not expect you to have 12 disciples already, this process might take some more time, so we suggest that you start with 4 people to help you. You will need them also to pray for you and the task that lies ahead of you. It is of utmost importance and the disciples will each earn a salary once your parish is operational, which will not be as much as the reverend, but we expect them to dedicate their time to the new parish and they will need to provide for their living as well.

Together with these disciples you will have to recreate a Biblical scene, the one where Moses parts the sea after the Lord has led them out of Egypt.You will have to dress in a robe, wearing a cloak, or something resembling these clothes and hold a rod in your hand like moses did. Your disciples will need to be dressed equally but it should be clear that you are their leader, like Moses was the leader of the Israelites when God led them away from Egypt. Pray together and read the Biblical story to feel the message that the Lord wanted to give us through this history. Then you will find a place close to water. This should preferrably be the sea, a river or a stream, but if you can't find it, a lake, or even, by lack of that, a swimming pool will be accepted. Since this is about your reenactment of the scene and not the scenery itself. You will need to act out 4 different parts of the story and from each of these parts you will have to send us 5 pictures, so a total of at least 20 pictures is what we expect you to send us.

- Moses and the people kneeling down praying to the Lord
- Moses with raised hands while the people are still kneeling
- Moses with his rod raised to the sky, people looking in awe at the parted waters
- Moses and the people with raised hands praising the Lord for the miracle of salvation.

Rember that this is a spiritual process which has to be guided by prayer of you and your disciples. We don't expect you to rush this process and send us these pictures today, but we do expect you to keep communicating with us about the progress you are making in the preparations for this task that will prepare you to be the leader of your own flock.

Be blessed
sister Dave

===

11.02 - St. Peter wrote to Umukelani, about the message above. Laughing

Quote:

This is the message from them, you have to look up on it and tell what I will tell them now.

12.33 - Umukelani he is happy and confident that everything is easy and can be solved immediately. Twisted Evil

Quote:

Ohh, that's very easy. We are so lucky. I'm happy. I already told you that I didn't read the Bible, but everyone saw that movie with Moses removing the slaves from Egypt. With that pharaoh who chased them through the desert and wanted to kill them all. When Moses and those people reached the seashore, he lifted his rod up and prayed to God to help them. Then the waters of the sea parted and all managed to cross quickly beyond. When Pharaoh's army arrived there, the waters of the sea returned to normal and no one could catch the fugitives anymore.

You have to dress in some long clothes (and your friends as well) as they were worn in antiquity and take a rod in your hand. You lift that rod in the air and you look up into the sky. Search on the Google after some images with "Moses on the Red Sea" and you'll see what it's all about. From that message it seems that the positions to be photographed are these:
- Moses and the people kneeling down praying to the Lord
- Moses with raised hands while the people are still kneeling
- Moses with his rod raised to the sky, people looking in awe at the parted waters
- Moses and the people with raised hands praising the Lord for the miracle of salvation.

Make as many pictures as you can and send them all, so they can choose what they like. OK?

I am sure that our little imbecile will not be so excited, especially his friends a laugh with him again Laughing

... but we will try to lure him with the "huge potential of financial gain". Laughing

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 24 Feb 2020 Posts: 4

Can't wait for the pics

Posted: Wed Mar 04, 2020 7:05 am

Yesterday, late evening, our little idiot wrote to Sister Dave... of course, like any other lad, he claimed to be sick (fever).
I predict that there will be a few episodes of malaria + a few episodes in which Peter's family members will become seriously ill. Laughing

Quote:

Thank you sister Dave for accepting me!

I am sorry for late response because I was fell fever yesterday night and I couldn't get my self that's why I haven't respond your message please, I will get all the pictures ready as soon I quick recovered, thank you for love and support you have shown us.

God bless you
Peter

Sister Dave to Peter:

Quote:

Dear brother Peter,

Thank you for your response. I am sorry to hear that you have a fever. We will all pray for your swift recovery and we're looking forward to receive the pictures from you when you feel better.

Be blessed
Dave

We hope that the idiot will lose his day trying to convince some friends to "pose" as specified in Stage #1 of the Admission process. Laughing

===

Today - 07.42 - My fake nigerian Umukelani writes to Peter:

Quote:

In 2 hours I will finish the night shift and go home. I am very tired and probably want to drink something and sleep for a few hours. Tell me if something new has happened; tell me if there is anything you don't understand from Dave's last message. Did you search the internet, as I told you? For to see how people were dressed at that time? I think some fucking bed sheets put over your shoulders and tied with a piece of twine around the waist would fit just as well as the old fashioned outfit.

I hope we will see very soon how much persuasion our new Reverend has.

===

More fun with the Saint Peter... as expected, the little idiot fails to convince anyone to help him with the pictures. Poor ridiculous idiot, probably everyone is laughing at him.

11.25 - Peter to Umukelani:

Quote:

I have been sick since two days ago and no one agree to take the picture with me because they are afraid of it so if there's any way we can final work it out then I will try it out as soon I swift recovery because I can't do anything at this moment

11.52 - Umukelani responds... a huge slap:

Quote:

I feel like I'm wasting my time and you can't do anything, never! A perfectly conceived idea cannot be realized because you are lazy and unable to solve a few simple fucking tasks. You are probably not good at anything and I will probably have to look for another partner. I'm really sorry you're sick, but these fucking excuses do not impress me at all.
* I asked you from the beginning if you can convince some idiots from your street to participate in our scheme. Correct?
* I told you from the beginning that we would need 3-4 people to play the role of the "believers". Correct?
* I told you from the beginning that, IF you need to, you can promise them that you will pay them some fucking money as soon as we receive the first payment in your account. Correct?
So, why are you coming now to me with all this shit and telling me that nobody wants to help you? Are you a fucking liar who does not keep his promises and no one there trusts his words? Or what? All this trickery will be successful only if we can convince those idiots in the church that you are a trustworthy man who has the support of everyone around him. I mean, we must convince those idiots in the church that you can be a good Reverend, because all the fucking local people will gather near you. Right? How do you think we will succeed, if you're so stupid that you can not convince (even with some fucking money) a few local imbeciles help you make some fucking picture?

Posted: Thu Mar 05, 2020 8:43 am

Thursday

Sadly, but it seems that our dear Peter does not want to do anything, because he did not respond to Umukelani's message.
He just came back to my old Robbie (see the first pages of the topic):

Quote:

Hello Mr Robert,

I want to used this medium opportunity to inform you that we have finally succeeded by getting every important document that is Guiding your delivery, Which you not going to have any front fee with this deliver again after you send the fee of $2,100 and it's all what still holding there's nothing else you have to pay about this again, I'm wait for you respond right back OK

Well, the old Robbie was taught not to believe the stories on the internet anymore... Umukelani warned him. Laughing

I think Peter is enjoying it now. Very much! Twisted Evil

Quote:

Son, I don't intend to do any kind of business on the internet anymore. My friend, the young cashier who works at the local store, explained to me how high the risks are in these cases: impostors and liars from West Africa who steal the money of innocents. So do not bother to insist because I am very determined not to continue. I don't know if your business is legitimate or not, but I don't want to risk even 2 pennies. Thanks, Robert

===

11.09 - The little fool insists... it is obvious that he did not get help from his friends. I think we won't get anything new from him, related to the "Church Operation".

Quote:

This is your real fund which you will going to receive your money worth of $10.5millions dollars after you send the fee of $2,100 that's needed

My old Robbie writes to Peter:

Quote:

Your insistence is suspect, especially as my young friend explained to me how the impostors in Africa work. I repeat that I do not believe anything in your story and that I do not want to receive messages from you anymore. Thanks, Robert

===

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