Happy tapping with Elmo

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Posted: Wed Feb 12, 2020 12:37 pm

They always come back....
Monday
Elmo: Good morning...How are you doing
Mary: FUCK YOU
Elmo: I am very sorry
Mary: FUCK YOU
Elmo: I know you are very angry
But please forgive me
Mary: FUCK YOU
Elmo: Please i am pleading for your forgiveness
Mary: FUCK
YOU

Tuesday
Elmo: Good morning sweet
how are you doing this morning
it does not matter how many times you tell me fuck you
I am still pleading for your forgiveness and understand me
Mary: FUCK YOU

Wednesday
Elmo: We cannot continue like this
You must understand me
Tell me Fuck you will not help us
Please i am sorry and listen to what i want to say
Mary: FUCK YOU
Elmo: Please stop all this fuck you thing
Please listen to me
Mary: Fine. talk
Elmo: Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to talk
Yes i know that i messed up
But I am confuse for the own arrangement
It makes me feel that you are not real
I am sorry to say that but it is what i think
I don,t have money but you don,t want to understand me
Mary: talk more
Elmo: Before God and Man..what i am telling you is true
Mary: Ok
Elmo: I could have take the risk to come to Resort and see you
But i don,t have money to come there..it is only God knows the truth on what i just said
Mary: you should've said that before you agreed to meet me at the resort and make me come to africa in vain for the second fucking time
Elmo: I am deeply sorry..Please kindly forgive me
it is not intentional..God is my witness
Mary: FUCK YOU
Elmo: I am very poor Guy
Mary: NO YOU"RE AN IDIOT
Elmo: You are insulting me again
No matter how many times you tells me Fuck you
I will still be pleading for your forgiveness
Mary: AND I WILL BE PLEADING FOR YOU TO GOD TO RECEIVE SOME FUCKING BRAINCELLS
Elmo: Please don,t use God name in Vain
Mary: YOU'VE DONE IT A THOUSAND TIMES BY NOW
Elmo: Please forgive and forget
I still love you
Please for the sake of love we share together
Please forgive me please
Mary: FUCK YOU
Elmo: it seems like that you are done with me
And you have make up your mind to move on with your life
Fine there is no problem
I can see that we are not main to be together..you are rich and i am poor
Mary: NO I AM RICH AND YOU ARE AN IDIOT

Posted: Wed Feb 12, 2020 2:03 pm

I thought he was done but he came back for some more abuse

Elmo: Thank you
Please enough of your insult
Mary: FUCK YOU
Elmo: Thank you
God bless you
Mary: FUCK YOU
Elmo: Can you count how many times you tell me fuck you
I will never tell you back
Mary: FUCK YOU
Elmo: Thank you
Mary: FUCK YOU
Elmo: Please can you stop
Mary: NO
FUCK YOU
Elmo: Ok go ahead
if you don,t want to stop
Mary: FUCK YOU
Elmo: Please forgive me and it will never happen again...please kindly understand my situation
Mary: NO
FUCK YOU
Elmo: Hmmm...
Mary: FUCK YOU
IM NOT GIVING YOU ANOTHER CHANCE TO TRY TO LURE ME TO AFRICA AGAIN FOR NOTHING
LIES
LIES
FUCKING LIES
Elmo: You will definitely come back again but only when i am ready and have little money for transportation
Please i am very sorry
Mary: FUCK YOU
Elmo: I know that you are very upset..
Mary: NO SHIT
FUCK YOU
Elmo: Please forgive me
Please kindly forgive me
Mary: KINDLY FUCK OFF
Elmo: How long are we going to continue like this
More than 10 times now you are telling me fuck you
Mary: UNTIL YOU FUCKING STOP SENDING ME YOUR FUCKING LYING MESSAGES
Elmo: I am not a liar
But you refuse to understand me
Mary: YOU ARE A FUCKING LIAR
Elmo: Please i am not a liar
Please kindly forgive me
I know that you are very upset
Mary: YOU ARE A FUCKING LIAR
Elmo: Baby...Please I need your help
Please i need us to continue please
Kindly forgive me
You have not even ask me how my mother is doing
Mary: IF YOUR FUCKING MOTHER ISN'T FUCKING DEAD BY NOW SHE'S A MIRACLE OF SCIENCE OR FRANKENSTEINS FUCKING BABY
Elmo: Maybe Thunder fire your generation
I think i have had enough of your stupidity
it is your father and your stupid mother will die miserably
You are the most foolish idiot that i have come across
Mary: FUCK YOU LIAR
Elmo: I am blocking now forever
Go to hell
Mary: FUCK YOU LIAR
Elmo: Go to hell
May God punish you forever for insulting my mother and wishing her dead
Mary: FUCK YOU LIAR
Elmo: You are a bloodly fool

Now Mary is blocked... I think he'll come back anyway

Master Baiter Joined: 02 Feb 2019 Posts: 163

He is such a sad little fawker, good riddance and well done!

Posted: Wed Feb 12, 2020 8:07 pm

Somehow I think calling his mother a miracle of science and frankensteins fucking baby didn't entirely go over very well. But honestly, I laughed so hard picturing his face when he read that. Laughing

Posted: Wed Feb 12, 2020 8:13 pm

Linoline, what do you think? Maybe the Holy Lamb will do a miracle with Elmo's mother?
You know I got an email from him, on one of my catcher addresses ... maybe we would consider it, for a local reverend job.

Quote:

Dear Mr. Georgett

My name is Mr. Ameessoh Munsah, I am 28 years old,I have been enslaved for a local chief Gold miner, since I was 6 years old.

I am also into local gold mining business in the forest of Ghana west Africa, and I have Gold Dust, Gold Bar & Rough Diamond secretly kept at my disposal, looking for a reputable and reliable foreign partners for long term business relationship with me.

Am thinking of selling, but it will be better if you can come down and take them little by little using your foreign connection to sell at affordable price and to buy me mining Equipment with the proceeds of your selling power to buy my own private tools for mining business and to settle down in your country.

Here is my private number : +233 **** 55218.

I am expecting your favorable respond and any question for clarification more especially i need your telephone number and if possible your ID passport copy.

Regards,
Mr. Ameessoh Munsah.

Posted: Wed Feb 12, 2020 8:18 pm

Thought we already agreed on that. I think he'd make a wonderful reverend, he sounds so faithful, using the name of God so much. Let's plot his demise after your vacation. Obviously he won't go anywhere soon.

Posted: Fri Feb 14, 2020 12:21 pm

12:39 Gold-Elmo to Mary

Quote:

It has been long since i hear from you last. Meanwhile your wedding are still here because i cannot be sold out because of the sizes and the cost prices.

Also about 12 Jewelries has been prepared here for your sizes as well here. Please kindly send the money across so that i can make the shipment for your address in Netherlands.

Await your swift respond.

He forgot a minor detail...

13:08 Mary

Quote:

You told me you'd say to the mining company to stop the production and our deal was cancelled. Kindly stop contacting me. I"m not interested anymore.

I should've responded with Mary's classic FUCK YOU.

Posted: Fri Feb 14, 2020 4:30 pm

Thanks for breaking him for me! (More than he already was)

Posted: Fri Feb 14, 2020 5:14 pm

Quote:

Kindly stop contacting me. I"m not interested

That should go over well. The loser is sure to go on and on about how much money he's spent so far. "Are you telling me you're no longer interested even after I made 12 fake jewelries? Tell me I want to know!"

Besides you just gave all your money (including mamma Elmo's hospital money) to that Michel dude. Weird that he doesn't return emails though Twisted Evil

Posted: Fri Feb 21, 2020 10:38 am

One week ago, Birlic wrote:

Maybe the Holy Lamb will do a miracle with Elmo's mother?

Today, our dear Elmo received a message from the Rev. Eduard:

Quote:

Son,
I think this is a major confusion. I do not understand your message and I do not know who you are referring to.
We, the Holy Church of the Sacred Lamb do not do business with people who are not part of our congregation.
But if we can help someone, then we do it with great joy. Glory to the Holy Lamb, glory to Jesus!

Be blessed, in the sacred name of our Holy Lamb!
Rev. Eduard

We want to see if the Faith is great in his soul. Laughing

Posted: Fri Feb 21, 2020 1:29 pm

Tuesday I noticed he unblocked Mary

Mary: FUCK YOU LIAR!
Thursday
Elmo: I never lied to you but if you think i am a liar then so be it
I am sick and tired over been insulted by you
I don,t know why you are very angry so much. i didn,t take your money before and run away
You refuse to send me money from Netherlands..All i get from you is excuses but i didn,t complain much
[color=blue]Mary: You have done nothing but complaining all the time. I told you I can't just send you money because my parents track my accounts. You know thatt, yet you keep complaining about it. You promised to meet me at the resort twice now and twice you just left me there.
Friday
Elmo: Like i said i am very sorry and it is not intentional like i told you. it is my wish to see you but i don,t have money but when i told you then you think i was lying or playing games.
what will happen now is that let me get money here to transport myself before i will invite you again..because i don,t want to disappoint you for the 3rd time
I think this is what i will do
Hope you will accept to come again when i am ready for you to invite again
Mary: I don't know if I can trust you again
Elmo: I know i have messed up
But it is not intentional
Yes trust me for the very last time
I will not dissapoint you again
Mary: Right
Elmo: Yes please
Let me raise the transportation myself here then i will let you know
I think it is best way we should go about it now
Mary: You said you don't have money for transportation and I"m not going to travel for you again if you can't prove to me that you will actually come

Posted: Mon Feb 24, 2020 9:17 pm

Friday
Elmo: Yes i don,t want you to come to Ghana again..until i raise money to come and visit you at the Resort when you arrive
Do you understand me
I don,t want to disappoint you again

Saturday
Mary: How much is a friggin bus ticket? Peter said it's only $20
Elmo: Yes it might be $20 but trust me i don,t have it
Please wait let me raise the money then i will tell you
Mary: Fine

Monday
Elmo: Good morning baby
Thank you for your understanding
I think it will not be long i will get the money ready and tell you
Did you finalize with the Gold Dealer with your Jewelries last time
Mary: No of course I didn't
Elmo: Oh ok
Are you still interested on the Jewelries
Or you give up
How is your dad and mum doing
You didn,t ask me how my mother is doing
Mary: We already established that your mother is a miracle and we need to put up some kind of statue in her honor
By the grace of God she's still alive, so she will be
And I broke off the jewelry deal because I couldn't travel through fucking ghana all by myself
Elmo: So you are no longer interested
what about our wedding ring
Baby you have to renew those contract back with the Gold dealer
Because soon you will be coming back here and it will not be too long
Mary: I don't need to do anything
Before I do anything I need you to prove to me that you're not lying this time
Elmo: Oh ok
I understand
Then let me raise the money first then i will let you know so that we can proceed from there
You don,t know much i love to spend time with you
Mary: No I don't know that
how am I supposed to know
Elmo: Don,t you will know very soon when we share same bed together soonest
I am very happy that you forgive me
After more than 50 FUCK YOU messages you sent to me
Mary: we'll see. I don't believe it until you show me
Elmo: Yes everything you want when we are in the bed together i will do it for you to make you happy
Mary: I wasn't talking about that. I was talking about you even meeting me in the first place
Elmo: Oh i will definitely meet you soonest
My Mum still need to go to surgery as i told you before so please i am still pleading for your help with the 50,000 euros
Mary: Not my fucking fault is it?
Elmo: Baby yes i know it is not your fault
But please I am very sorry. Please have mercy on me and help me and my mother
you don,t really know what i am pasting through here
Mary: No I don't and whatever it is, it's your own fault
Elmo: Yes i know
But you must understand me too
So won,t you bring money for my mother medication again
Mary: I don't even know if I'm coming again
Elmo: Why
Mary: Because you didn't yet prove to me that you will really meet me there if I go again
Elmo: Which means i should,t look for money again for the transportation
But i have giving you all my reasons and why i didn,t make it
Please you must understand that i am not rich like you
Mary: it means I won't come until you prove to me that you will meet me there. I am not going a third time for nothing
Elmo: And i said yes i agree with you...I am ready to prove to you that i will not disappoint you
Mary: That's what I'm waiting for
Elmo: You cannot send me money from Netherlands because you give me your reasons and i agree with you
Now let me hustle here and raise the transport and inform you before you come back so that as soon as you are on your way to Ghana then i will be going to Tamale to wait for you
I think we have discuss this and you agreed
Mary: Yes
Elmo: My major consign now is my mother medication
Which is giving me sleepless night here everyday
she is just surviving now by God merciful grace
Please i am still pleading to still come with the 50,000 euros for her medication
Mary: Well, since the gold deal didn't go through I still have the money so I'll bring it again
Elmo: God richly bless you
But what about our wedding ring
Are we going to do difference one
Mary: I don't know yet
Elmo: But we need to get married when you come ooo
So that it will be official that you are my wife
Mary: I'll figure something out
Elmo: Please kindly do
Why can,t you ask the Gold dealer if he has sold the Golden ring he do for us
Remember he did that according to our finger size so i don,t think it will be easy for him to sell it because other people might not like the ring or cannot afford to pay for it
Honey...I will suggest you ask him first and see

Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2020 9:33 am

^^^ Before Mary gets on the plane that takes her to Africa, Elmo must be able to prove that he has already arrived in Tamale. Right?

Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2020 10:06 am

Absolutely. And of course Mary will pay for his stay in the resort before she comes. All he has to do is find it Laughing

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

😅😅😁

Posted: Wed Feb 26, 2020 10:03 am

We try to draw our dear Elmo to the side of the religious Force Laughing

and make him a worthy Reverend of the Church of the Holy Lamb.
He replied to the first "tapping" messages, but we will see if he will be willing to get 100% involved. If Yes, then we will open a separate topic for this new story. Twisted Evil

Posted: Wed Feb 26, 2020 11:04 am

Monday
Mary: I'm not interested in all the jewelry anymore and the gold dealer was rude

Tuesday
Elmo: Good morning my love
How was your night
Oh ok..so will you bring our wedding ring from Netherlands
Mary: I'll ask him for it

Mary to gold-elmo

Quote:

I wanted to know if you still have the wedding rings

Wednesday
10:26 Elmo

Quote:

Yes your wedding rings is available here. so when did you want to come and pick it up.

Hope you still remember the cost price.

Await your swift respond.

11:51 Mary

Quote:

Yes, we agreed €40.000 for the rings and other jewelry, half of that would be brought to you before you'd start making the other jewelry and the rings would be ready to pick up immediately.
I don't know when my fiancee will be ready to pick it all up, because he has some things to work out first. I just wanted to know if you still had it available. I'll let you know as soon as possible.

Elmo: Good morning baby
How was your night
How is mum and dad doing
Hope everybody is fine
I had what you said, when you ask him kindly tell me
Mary: He said it's still available and asked when you could come pick it up
Elmo: Oh ok Good
When will you want me to go and meet him and pick it up
Mary: when we have met ofcourse, so it all depends on when you are ready
Elmo: oh ok Good
I am working hard to raise the money for my transport
Mary: When do you think you will be ready? I need to plan for this as well you know

Posted: Fri Feb 28, 2020 12:20 pm

Wednesday
Elmo: I am praying and hoping atleast in the next 2 weeks i will see what i can do but let us wait first
Mary: Ok, I'll wait
Elmo: Thank you
How is everything with you in Netherlands
Where is Dad now and Mum
Baby what will you bring for me nah..you know that i need money here to survive
Mary: Yes I know that. I will bring 20000
I want to see you
Elmo: You mean you will bring 20,000 for me
together with the 50,000 for my mum
Mary: No I'm bringing 40000 for the jewelry and 20000 for you and your mom
Elmo: Oh ok no problem
Please for the sake of my mum please bring 30,000
Please i am begging you
So that i will send 25,000 to her and manage 5,000
Mary: What will you do for me?
Elmo: Anything you want me to do for you when you come i will do it
Anything at all i will do it when we are together
Mary: I want to see you
Elmo: When you come then you will see me
Mary: I want to see you now
Elmo: My phone is not good to take any new pictures now
But you have enough of my pictures
But i few of yours
But i have few of yours
Mary: So you want me to bring you so much money but you can't even make pictures of yourself for me?
Elmo: I have been sending you pictures and the video of myself
But you never one day sent me video of yourself rather you always giving me excuse why you cannot do the video of yourself and sent to me..i accept it and believe you and never complain
But if i tell you that i cannot a video of myself due some reasons you don,t want to believe me or accept my reasons
I Have notice each time i tell you to help me with money for my mum medication you always using it to take advantage of me by demanding for one thing or the other
And i always do as you said but right now my phone is bad. the screen broke so the screen is not coming
You must believe and trust me because you have seen the video of myself several times if i have phone fix i will make the video and sent to you
Mary: I have noticed that you always ask me for money and I always comply. I only ask something from you now and then and it doesn't even require any money yet you don't want to do it anyway
I know you're not rich so I will never ask such a thing from you
Elmo: My phone is bad so whenever i fix it then i will send to you
For Christ sake you will soon come here and we will be together so why demanding for videos and pictures always
Ok Let us do it this way. if i send you my pictures then you will send me your pictures too if i send you 3 pictures then you will send me 3 pictures of yours...Do you agree
Mary: I'm not demanding anything. I just asked.
And if you want to play it that way, if I bring you €30000, will you bring me 30000 as well?
I told you I'm not asking you that
Don't be such a prick
Elmo: But i never said that i will not send you the pictures but i only said that my phone is bad but you refuse to believe me and it makes feel bad
Mary: You make me feel bad the way you're acting

Thursday
Elmo: I am very sorry but you refuse to understand me and the kind of human being. I am not bad person whenever i told you something i am expecting you to believe me with trust because i always trust you so i am expecting you to do same
Last time you told me to send you video of myself asking you to marry me, didn,t i send it to you even due my phone was bad but i try and use my friend phone to send it to you. But right now my friend is not here anymore that is why
I know those 2 disappointment is still in your mind but it will never happen again for the 3rd time..I promise you
Mary: I know you're not a bad person, but I'm just a girl and I would like to see my man. I'm not forcing you but you make me look like an evil person now
Elmo: Baby you are not evil person
You are very nice girl and i know it from my spirit
I bless the day i found you..Let God bless that faithful day
Mary: Thank you. I will celebrate the day we will finally meet. But until then I really hope you can send me a sexy picture of you. I want to see all of you
😘
Elmo: Definitely i will send it to you
Please let me fix my phone please honey
Once i fix the phone i will send you pictures okay
Mary: Sure, but can't you borrow one? I need to see what I can expect. I hear blacks are bigger than whites
Elmo: My friend is not around now...that is why
Once i see him around i take new pictures and sent to you
Mary: There must be some people around wit a phone you can use. He's not the only one right
Elmo: There is nobody here trust me
Mary: Sounds like you just don't want to do it
Elmo: I will do it anytime i come across my friend
it maybe anytime
So don,t worry i will send it to you okay...i promise you
Can you send me your pictures too
I want new pictures of yours
Mary: I'm not in the mood right now
Elmo: WHY
So you cannot send me your pictures
Mary: I dont'want to
you don't either so why should I?
Elmo: So unless i sent to you before you will send to me right
I want to know
Mary: exactly
Elmo: Oh ok..there is no problem
I will do my best to take a picture by tomorrow by all means and sent to you
Mary: Make it sexy
Elmo: Oh ok
You will also send me your sexy pictures too right

Gold-Elmo:

Quote:

Yes i know all our agreement so whenever you are ready to pick up your wedding rings then kindly let me know. Remember you told me that you are no longer interested in the Jewelries anymore so i cancel everything about it and the production.

Are you trying to tell me now that you are interested again, if so then bear it in mind that the Jewelries and production price is no longer same price because of corona-virus which affect the Gold price stock in the market.

You are also free to make your own inquiry to know the latest price for the Gold now.

Thank you.

Mary

Quote:

I thought you said the jewelry were already finished, but since they are not, let's cancel that. I believe it was €5000 vor the wedding rings. I will let you know when we're ready to pick them up

Elmo, looks like he still wants money

Quote:

About 15 jewelries has already been produce and it remain just few to finish it up before your suddenly message to me to cancel it because of your fiancee didn,t turn up as you expected. Hope you remember that.

Point of correction, the Wedding rings production is very expensive because your wedding rings contains Gold and Diamond hope you still remember the sample you sent to me, so i can,t remember agree with you for 5,000 euros for that so why are you saying 5,000 euros now.

With due respect, you will pay me 20,000 euros for the wedding rings for both the Gold dust price and production cost price , please this is our agreement please don,t come and change it now.

I can also do the remaining jewelries to complete all the jewelries we agreed together with same price of 40,000 euros, I will make arrangement to commence on the production so that they will be ready before your Fiancee will come so that he will pick all together at once both the wedding ring and your Jewelries and pay me the 40,000 euros.

Thank you.

Mary

Quote:

Ok, if the price is still the same, 40000 for the rings and the other jewelry together, then that's fine. He will pay you the full price when he comes to you to pick them up, but only if all is finished, if it's not available, he will only pay half and the other half when everything is done.
I don't know exactly when he will be able to pick it up but I will surely let you know.

I don't want to push this video / picture issue too much, because if there's anything I want more than that it's to have this asshole's ass close to Mole Park.

Posted: Fri Feb 28, 2020 12:40 pm

(Sorry for the double post) Meanwhile Elmo is interested in becoming a reverend

Monday

Quote:

Dear Reverend Ed,

Thank you for your message.

Please kindly understand that i don,t really know the criteria to become a member of your congregation but i will be so happy if you can let me know the criteria to become a member so that we can proceed on my business proposal to you.

Thank you and God bless.

Await your swift respond.

Regards,
Mr. Elmo

Reverend Ed

Quote:

Son,

The Faith is not something that is learned in school, but something you are born with. Please tell me if you are a Christian man and believe in God. Our church is a Christian Church, and we believe that Jesus is that Holy Lamb who sacrificed on the Cross for the sins of humanity. We are trying to follow His Path, His Truth and His Faith.

If you are really a Christian man, if you want to be with us, if you feel that the Call is strong in your soul and if you think you could be our local Reverend there, then we can discuss it in detail. Please, think very well and do not rush! The Faith is something you choose to share with your brothers and sisters! You will have the opportunity to be our representative and you will have to take care of all your sheep there. There will be both responsibilities but also spiritual and material benefits (monthly salary and spending budget for your Parish flock).

Be blessed!
Glory to the Holy Lamb, glory to Jesus!
Rev. Ed

Tuesday

Quote:

Dear my son,

I suppose you are not a Christian man, because otherwise you would have replied to my previous message.
I wish you good luck in your life, health and prosperity, happiness and love!

Glory to the Holy Lamb, glory to Jesus!
Rev. Ed

Wednesday
Elmo

Quote:

Dear Reverend Ed,

I must apologize for my late respond. That i didn,t reply you yesterday does not mean that i am not a christian or i am not interested.

Please kindly go ahead and educate me what exactly you want me to do so that we can proceed. I am fully ready to work in the Lord vineyard.

Thank you and God bless.

Await your swift respond.

Regards,
Mr. Elmo

Rev. Ed

Quote:

Son, be blessed,

Let me confess that your sincere words make me believe that maybe you are the providential man that our church needs now. Our cardinal wants to expand our activity to other African countries (we have small local branches in Senegal and Cameroon), so please tell me a few details about you, about the city where you live and want to set up our Parish, about your future thoughts and about your projects.

Do you think the people around you will support your project? Are you able to gather those lost sheep of the flock near you? We will be with you with our advice and support, as long as you and the people around you sincerely want to be part of our community. I am waiting for your answer, to see if we can go on together.

Blessings,
Rev. Ed

Thursday
Elmo

Quote:

Dear Reverend Ed,

Thank you for your message.

I have read your message and i understand whatever you said, but i think i will like you to send me you full details like your telephone number and your International passport so that i will know and see who i am communicating with so that we proceed further.

Like i told you i am ready to work in the Lord Vineyard but we must make everything very sincere and reliable.

I am ready to send me my photo so i am expecting you to send me your own photo and telephone number for easy conversation before we proceed.

Thank you and God bless.

Await your swift respond.

Regards,
Mr. Elmo

Rev. Ed

Quote:

Dear my son, dear Elmo, God bless you!
Can I tell you on your name Elmo? I hope so.

I'm really honored that you want to get to know each other better, but we don't do it that way. All our cultural, religious and charitable activities can be tracked through the church's website. I am not at all interested in talking on the phone with a stranger man from another part of the world, the less I think your request regarding my passport would be appropriate. If happen you to be part of our large community and if happen you to be appointed as our Local Reverend of a new parish, then we will all see each other at our annual meetings and we may (even) discuss by phone. Personally speaking, I prefer that all my communications remain recorded as written messages because I can always "go back in time" and "check what I don't remember".

However, in case of an immediate emergencies, you can call us at the parish. Our church phone number is <snipped> and Father Lenny is usually in charge of taking calls to the parish. Let me repeat, if you need to communicate with me, it's more useful to communicate by email because dear Lenny has many many moments in forgetting to write down all the details. He is too old and suffers from Alzheimer, but he is a faithful soul who has been with us for the last 40 years.

I am waiting for you from the necessary details, to know if you are able to go further and if you can start the initiation process. The secretary of the church will guide you and give you all the necessary clarifications.

Be blessed my son, in the sacred name of our Holy Lamb!
Rev. Ed

Elmo

Quote:

Dear Reverend Ed,

Please can you give me in details what exactly you want me to do so that we can start up the parish here in Ghana because i still don,t understand what i need to do and what is my benefit from it.

Please list them in details so that i will know it so that we can proceed.

Thank you and God bless.

Await your swift respond.

Regards,
Mr. Elmo

Rev. Ed

Quote:

Elmo, if Faith is strong in your heart and if you have some trustworthy people around you who want to follow you, then we are willing to give you the chance to become our new Reverend and to establish our new Parish in Ghana. It is a huge responsibility, which comes with benefits as well as obligations. If you accept this important task, then you and your people must become members of our community and be baptized in the sacred spirit of the Holy Lamb. The Admission Process is something formal, but it must be done according to our Sacred Rules. The secretary of the church will assist you throughout the entire process and it will explain all the necessary steps, so that it will be easy for you to understand what the requirements are.

Your final Baptism Ceremony is equivalent to the official recognition of the existence of your new Parish and your appointment as Local Reverend. The development and charity budget as well as the monthly salaries for you (as our Reverend) and your personal assistants (as your Apostles) will be discussed immediately after graduation. Also, usually an installation bonus of $25,000 is offered for each new Reverend (for the proper equipping of the parish with all the necessary equipment - computers, telephones, printers, etc. and for purchasing all the necessary materials for the daily activity). But all these are just minor details that will be treated separately, immediately after the final Baptism Ceremony.

Think well and talk to all those around you about this responsibility; you don't have to give me the answer right now.
Do you want to be our reverend in Ghana? Want to create our new parish there? Are you ready to manage a budget of about $75,000 annually?
Do you have with you a minimum number of 6 men with the Faith, who want to follow Your Way and preach with you, as Apostles of the Holy Lamb?
If you are ready to accept this role, with responsibilities and benefits, then the secretary of our church will take over the case and guide you to the end of your Admittance process.

Be blessed, in the sacred name of our Holy Lamb!
Rev. Ed

Friday
Rev. Ed

Quote:

Brother Elmo, God bless you!
If your decision is final and you want to become our new Reverend in Ghana, then please contact our Congregation Secretary (the Sister Dave) and begin the Admissions procedure immediately. If all goes well, in maximum 3 weeks we can register our new parish there and we can send the first financial funds necessary for the operation (salaries, development budget and installation bonus). It all depends on you and the people around you. A good Reverend has the support of his community, this is the essence of a functional parish!

Dear Dave, blessings!
Please guide our brother Elmo from Ghana and make sure he understands and respects all our procedures. He is a good Christian, he's a responsible and trustworthy man, so I decided to give him the opportunity to become our local Reverend there. Explain to him all the necessary steps and help him with all the information that he will ask for. After his Parish will be functional and after he completes his Final Baptism Ceremony, we will have to send the installation bonus and the first salaries (for the Reverend and his Apostles) immediately. Please discuss these details with him and then submit a budget proposal to me.

Glory to the Holy Lamb, glory to Jesus!
Be blessed, all of you, in the sacred name of our Holy Lamb!
Rev. Ed

Sister Dave

Quote:

Dear brother

I am happy to hear that you want to become a new reverend for our great church and spread the word among the people around you. It is always a joy when the Lord adds to our flock and sends us strong and willing leaders who want to be the shepherds to the local sheep around them and guide them on the way to divinity.

Before we can start the procedure of becoming a reverend, as you might understand, it is vital that you first become a member of our church. For this it is required to fill a form and to make a proof of faith picture, which every of our members have done before you. It is just a formality before we can start your installment as a local reverend, so I want to ask you to please fill out the form attached to this email in red ink and send a scanned or clear photographed copy back to me at your earliest convenience.

Be blessed

Sister Dave

Posted: Fri Feb 28, 2020 2:02 pm

We will try to get from Elmo:
- Application for Membership + "proof of Faith" photo,
- Some photos with him (playing the role of Moses) trying to separate the waters,
- A Pyramid of the Faith (2x2x2 meters) and a Prayer's bench,
- A Baptism ceremony with milk and honey. Laughing

Posted: Fri Feb 28, 2020 3:26 pm

Reverend Elmo

Quote:

Dear Dave,

Thank you very much for your message.

Yes i got your message and i had what you said, I have study the form you sent to me. I will fill it and summit it to you as soon as possible and also i don,t know the kind of picture you required from me but i have send you the one i have.

Thank you once again for your message and it is a pleasure to work in God Vineyard.

Regards,
Mr. Elmo.

Sister Dave

Quote:

Dear brother Elmo,

Thank you for your kind response. Please don't worry about the picture just yet. Everything in it's own time. After you have submitted the form I will explain it to you. I'll wait for your message.

Be blessed
Sister Dave

Gold Elmo to Mary

Quote:

I got your message. Just inform me when you are ready to pick up the Jewelries and the Wedding Ring.

I want to assure you that everything will be ready before your fiancee will come and pick them up.

Thank you.

He's playing three roles now and hopes to get a lot of money. He thinks he's dealing with a multitude of people, while in reality it are only 2. Laughing

Posted: Fri Feb 28, 2020 4:37 pm

I wonder if he'll ever come crawling back to me. He hasn't yet.

Posted: Fri Feb 28, 2020 5:52 pm

Elmo to my reverend Ed:

Quote:

Dear Reverend Ed,

Thank you for your messages which i received and i also got mail from Sister Dave and i have reply back to her.

I will fill the form she sent to me and return it back to her when i finish filling so that we can proceed further.

Thank you and God bless.

Regards,
Mr. Elmo.

3 hours later, Rev. Ed responds to our lad:

Quote:

Son, I'm glad that things are getting into a normal normality.
God bless you!

After you have completed the Admissions formalities, we will begin to discuss the practical issues related to the functioning of your Parish. In the first year of operation, your new Parish will be 100% sponsored with our funds; following the percentages to decrease annually over the next 10 years. After 10 years, a parish must be able to self-finance from internal sources.

Blessings,
Rev. Ed

===

Posted: Fri Feb 28, 2020 11:11 pm

MrMystery314 wrote:

I wonder if he'll ever come crawling back to me. He hasn't yet.

He's probably too busy thinking about what to do with all that money he'll never get. Laughing

Thanks again for passing him on. Even though he's one of the biggest assholes I've come across, we do manage to have some fun with him and frustrate him a lot. And he keeps coming back

Posted: Tue Mar 03, 2020 6:40 am

Well, after few days of silence, Elmo is coming back... obviously, he is suspicious, aggressive and angry that he wasted his precious time with us. Laughing

Quote:

Dear

Please I cannot find the full address of your church in Google and also the Forms you sent to me to fill seems like forms you generate from Google as well.

I have take my time and i find out that the form has been generated from the Google and your church address is also fake, how can you send me form that does not have church telephone number and with fake address and you expected me to fill such forms. do i look like a stupid person to you that you want to scam cheaply or you think as you mention some amount of money to me then you think i will fall to your stupid cheap scam. Listen you better think twice before you are dealing with somebody like me.

After I have finish filling the forms then you come and tell me to send you a picture of mine holding some stupid plane sheet of paper writing to you in bold writing and sent to you or you think i have not seen people you have deceive in the past and their stupid pictures.

Listen, this is the way i want you to prove to me that every story you are saying here is real but if you refuse to do it then stop wasting your time replying back at me.

1, You must send me an amount of $100 as a prove that you are real so that i will use the money to print the forms and fill it and submit it back to you.

2, You must send me original full address of your church in Scotland with the Church Telephone number so that i can call and confirm that the church is truly exiting.

3, Your International Passport or your Church I.D Card as a prove of sincerity.

Please Note, I have Brothers and Sisters living in the UK as well so when i receive your church telephone number and correct address i will tell them to verify for me if truly the church is exiting. it is only when they are done with their verification then i will proceed to fill the forms you sent to me because i am not joking with my names and my full information because they are very important to me.

So i just hope you will comply and do as i said, but if you fail to comply to any of this three (3) then i will advise don,t border to reply back because i don,t have time to waste for nothing profitable.

Thank you and God bless.

Regards,
Mr. Elmo.

The old Reverend Eduard feels offended, of course. Laughing

Quote:

Son, listen to me very careful!
Very careful, because you just lost the chance to be a better man and to change your life!
This ungrateful and abusive behavior will not be tolerated, because our Faith is not a joke and our Church is not your playground!

From our first messages I wrote to you WHO we are, WHAT is the website of our church and HOW we do. If you were kind enough to take a few minutes to read all our cultural, religious and charitable achievements, then surely you would have another attitude. But you are just a lazy man who prefers to do nothing and ask for money. Unacceptable! At this moment I realize that your tone is inappropriate and that your words betray the attitude of an illiterate imposter. We do not need such people and we are not interested in communicating with such idiots. The imperative way in which you allow yourself to ask me to send money as well as all the offenses brought to the Church make me doubt about your Good Faith and make me not want to cooperate with you in any field.

Please don't write to me anymore, because I'm done with you!
Sister Dave, from this moment we will cease any kind of collaboration with this ungrateful imbecile!
These are my last words, this is my strong will and she will be respected!

Glory to the Holy Lamb! Glory to Jesus!
Reverend Eduard

Sister Dave will of course be offended too and she would like to clarify all of these things.
Maybe dear Elmo wants to talk to her, or maybe with the 1st Secretary - Father Lenny? Twisted Evil

It's obvious that Elmo didn't bite our bait, so maybe we can get him upset by having him talk to Lenny. Laughing

===

07.40 - Sister Dave to Elmo:

Quote:

Brother Elmo,

I don't understand where this is coming from. Of course our form can be found on Google, because it is clearly published on our website. I am not giving in to these demands of a heathen unbeliever. Reverend Eduard told me clearly not to contact you anymore.
The reason we don't use a phone is because we devote our time to the Lord. With a telephone constantly ringing that disturbs prayer time. When we communicate this way we can remain undisturbed in our prayers and communicate in the Lords time, which he appoints to us. I'm sure you wouldn't understand this because I don't believe anymore that you are the man of faith you initially tried us to believe you were.
If you really need to speak to someone, our brother Leonard takes important calls for usin cases of emergency. His number is <snip>
I will not comply to any more of your foolish demands.

Be blessed
Dave Weelson

===