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Elite Baiter Joined: 30 Apr 2017 Posts: 1055

Yesterday evening

Fish Lad 20:19

Quote:

But how do you want the picture to be

Give me strength. Mad

Today

Cyril 04:56

Quote:

Fish Lad

For Christ sake! I've just got off of my stint of night watch to find your stupid question waiting for me. I thought you had everything in hand when you told me Linda and I would have the photograph on Monday. I hope you haven't been sitting on your arse all weekend doing nothing? Surely you have the costumes ready and you haven't still got to go traipsing around Anambra looking for a bloody fancy dress shop or a decent seamstress to make the bloody costumes for you? I really don't know what Linda is going to say when I tell her you're still pissing about. It was almost impossible on Friday to talk her out of sending all your money to Father Lawrence first thing this morning, so God knows what will happen now. Look, I'll try to put off telling Linda for as long as possible today, but you must at least try to get something to me that makes it look like you're trying to make an effort. After all, I've already told you how I want the photograph to be so I really don't understand why you're delaying. However, if you are having trouble understanding what I need I've attached a picture that will help give you some idea. I found it doing a simple image search of Santa and Elves on Google images, so why you couldn't have done the same leaves me slightly baffled. I'll leave the number of elves you have in your own photograph up to you, but I do want a minimum of at least two.

Toodle-pip

Cyril

Elite Baiter Joined: 30 Apr 2017 Posts: 1055

Just got home to find these waiting. I think I'll just wait and see how things play out.

Fish Lad 12:42

Quote:

Give me an example so that I will not send the wrong one

Sent nothing because I wasn't home, then six minuets later.

Fish Lad 12:48

Quote:

Okay I will get the picture to you this evening okay, so get me money ready

Posted: Mon Nov 11, 2019 4:21 pm

fingers crossed, I hope you'll get your trophy!

Elite Baiter Joined: 30 Apr 2017 Posts: 1055

I should have know something was amiss as soon as I saw the mince pie and glass of milk I left out last night sitting there untouched. Reminds me of my childhood when I used to creep down the stairs to a great big parcel of disappointment every year. Crying or Very sad

Cyril 04:37

Quote:

Fish Lad

I'm trying to type this email very quietly because Linda is still asleep and I don't want to wake her up with any angry tapping, but I need to ask where the fucking photograph is that you promised to send? You have caused a lot of disharmony between Linda and I over the last couple of days regarding this matter so I hope you have a damned good excuse for your failure to send the photograph. I really don't know what will happen now, but I'm sure Linda is not going to be at all happy about it.

Toodle-pip

Cyril

Elite Baiter Joined: 30 Apr 2017 Posts: 1055

Things are no longer looking so promising, there's been total silence from Fish Lad and his alter egos which I have to say I find a little disappointing.

Yesterday

Cyril 05:54

Quote:

Elastic my dear

I had hoped that the next time I contacted you it would have been with some more positive news than that which I have to convey. I'm sorry to say that despite things looking as if a happy conclusion to the problems Fish Lad and I have faced was on the cards it now seems those hopes have been dashed. And before you get angry with me I need to make it clear that it was none of my doing. Yet again it's Fish Lad that is the cause of the problem, it just seems that the man is incapable of fulfilling any promise he makes. I tell you, I'm really not looking forward to Linda waking up and finding out that the reassurances about Fish Lad sending the photograph for the orphans Christmas cards I have made her have come to nothing. I mean, if Fish Lad had just said he needed a little more time I'm sure I could have talked Linda around, but now I'm not sure there will be any hope of that. Can you try to find out what's going on because I really do want to make peace if possible, but I sent Fish Lad an email over an hour ago and he's not even bothered to reply. Hopefully Linda won't wake up before 09:00 so if you or better still Fish Lad can get back to me before then there may be some hope.

Toodle-pip

Cyril

Cyril 08:26

Quote:

Little Sis my dear

Sorry to bother you my dear, but do you know what your brother is up to? He was supposed to send me his Santa and his elves photograph yesterday evening, but nothing ever turned up, and there was still nothing from him waiting for me this morning. Can you ask him to contact me as soon as you can because I really need to hear his excuse for letting me down again. I know he's your brother, but I can't help thinking there's something mentally wrong with him. I say that because it can be the only explanation I can think of as to why when he was so close to getting this all sorted he throws another spanner in the works. Linda will be getting up soon and I know when I tell her that Fish Lad has just been wasting our time the shits going to hit the fan which is something I'm really not looking forward to.

Toodle-pip

Cyril

Elite Baiter Joined: 30 Apr 2017 Posts: 1055

Sadly it looks like Fish Lad has stopped nibbling the bait and has decided to swim off into the sunset taking Miss Elastic and Little Sis with him.

Yesterday

Cyril 09:13

Quote:

Fish Lad

I don't know what your game plan was, but I'm afraid you're the one that's about to lose out. Perhaps you thought you may be able to cease all contact with me until after Christmas thus avoiding having to send the photograph you promised me. Well, I'm afraid that's not going to work because Linda and I are just off to the bank to transfer half of the money you would have been receiving for your part in The Black Face of Africa campaign. Father Lawrence has assured Linda that £200,000.00 will be more than adequate to rebuild the two dormitory blocks that burnt down in the fire and there should still be more than enough left over to completely refurbish the shower block as well. With the remainder of your money we hopefully want to fly Morgan Freeman over from the USA and have him dress as Santa to actually hand the orphans presents out to them on Christmas day. Let's face it, playing Santa should be a doddle for a man that pulled off playing God so convincingly in the film Bruce Almighty. Anyway, sorry things didn't work out for you, but I expect by now your used to being one of life's losers. And if I don't hear from you again, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year my friend.

Toodle-pip

Cyril

Today

Cyril makes one last attempt to get a reaction.

05:19

Quote:

Elastic my dear

How are you this morning I hope your well because I'm a little worried that you've not replied to my last couple of emails. Is everything okay my dear, I hope so as everything seems okay here now and I'll Tell you why. I haven't heard from Fish Lad since the afternoon of the 11th of November so I sent Akimbo and Jakub out last night to have another quick shufty around the vicinity of the warehouse and Akimbo has just returned with the news that I expected he would return with. That news being, no sign of Emmanuel's brother, his bitch or any of the troops Fish Lad claimed they had with them. I'm still waiting for Jakub to get back, but when he does I feel confident that he will report the same thing. Added to that I received conformation to an email I had secretly sent to the Ministry of Defence that no British troops have gone AWOL and there was no active deployment of troops anywhere in the UK. All of that information leads me to believe that Fish Lad has been making me think that Linda and I were in danger for no reason. So today I shall be calling an end to this siege nonsense and letting everybody go back to their own homes. Linda and I will certainly be glad to get back to the cottage and our own bed, that's for sure. Anyway my dear, what I've really contacted you about is the damned package that's still sitting here in the warehouse. So my question is do you want it? Obviously Fish Lad has given up any hope of ever getting his dirty little hands on it or any of his money, but now I'm stuck with all of his laptops and phones. I can't return them for a refund because Jed got them off of the back of a lorry, if you know what I mean. So rather than trying to sell them on myself I thought you might like them. After all I still need to send you your own laptop, phone and shoes so why not have them all. If you can let me know if you want them I'll arrange delivery to you as soon as I can.

Toodle-pip

Cyril

Posted: Thu Nov 14, 2019 11:24 am

It's a shame that this adventure seems to be coming to an end Crying or Very sad

Elite Baiter Joined: 30 Apr 2017 Posts: 1055

Well slap my arse and call me Mabel, I've only just noticed Cyril received this at 10:44 today from Miss Elastic. I really thought I'd heard the last from Fish Lad, could there still be hope?

Quote:

Sorry it is a network problem everything is okay Fish Lad jave get the picture he will send it to you today so sorry for that is just that we have network issue

Posted: Fri Nov 15, 2019 12:49 pm

*popcorn ready*

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 05 Jan 2017 Posts: 790

They never see sense do they Rolling Eyes

Elite Baiter Joined: 30 Apr 2017 Posts: 1055

What I don't understand is if Fish Lad has the photograph to send then why is he mucking about pretending to be Miss Elastic? Why doesn't he just send the damned thing so that Cyril can get the money to him asap?

Cyril 12:54

Quote:

Elastic my dear

How wonderful to hear from you. Sorry to hear about the network problems you've been having, but unfortunately those problems have caused a little bit of a problem at my end. Did Fish Lad get my last email telling him that Linda and I were off to the bank to send Father Lawrence £200.000.00 of Fish Lad's money? Well I'm afraid we did just that so at the moment all I have for Fish Lad is the £200,000.00 or there abouts that we had earmarked for Morgan Freeman. Luckily for Fish Lad, Morgan's agent is being a bit of a prat at the moment and is arguing over how many reindeer Morgan wants pulling his sleigh before he has Morgan sign on the dotted line so nothing has been finalised yet. Do you think Fish Lad will settle for half of what he was going to get and still send the photograph if he finds out that Linda and I have already sent half of the money to Father Lawrence? I really don't want to waste anymore time on this photograph thing while I am try to get things sorted out with Morgan's agent.

Toodle-pip

Cyril

Miss Elastic 12:58

Quote:

He will send the picture to you today I promise you that

Elite Baiter Joined: 30 Apr 2017 Posts: 1055

Here we go, more bollocks.

Fish Lad 15:07

Quote:

I will get the picture to you by 12noon tomorrow is just that we have network issue hear in Nigeria so please am sorry for that I will get it to you tomorrow you will like it when you see it okay

Elite Baiter Joined: 30 Apr 2017 Posts: 1055

Not sure that it's icon worthy, but at least the Fish Lad's trying (very trying) Rolling Eyes

Posted: Sat Nov 16, 2019 10:40 am

All that build up for this? Well, at least he did it. I hope Morgan Freeman hasn't cashed his check yet Laughing

I guess no one should be surprised how long it took to get even a mundane trophy from this one. I'm not sure where in the bait it occurred but Fish Lad more or less morphed into a hit lad. They are some of the laziest and uncreative creatures on the planet so you should be proud of your new photochop. Chances are he got someone else to do it for him Rolling Eyes

Posted: Sat Nov 16, 2019 12:02 pm

You might want to ask him why a black santa has a white arm

Posted: Sat Nov 16, 2019 12:09 pm

^^^ Well spotted lol Laughing

Posted: Sat Nov 16, 2019 12:37 pm

Quote:

Not sure that it's icon worthy

Photoshopped pictures can be trophies depending on how stupid they are. But no, it's not icon worthy. You have to get a lad to dress like Santa not chop faces into one.

To me, it looks like he's too cheap (or lazy) to get a real Santa costume or he thinks you are dumb enough or willing to accept that chop pic. Tell him chopped pics aren't acceptable. If he can't find a Santa costume, tell him to make one. Yes, I know he's lazy but read to the end. A Santa hat made out of red fabric or even red paper with cotton on top, a red coat with white fabric, cotton or paper, a black belt with aluminum foil colored gold (or yellow) for the buckle and a lot of cotton. Red pants and black boots also. Get creative. He needs gift-wrapped presents around him or a bag containing presents or not if you don't want to push him too far.

Personally, I think it better when a lad makes a costume as long as it's not half assed. If he gives you any shit tell him the delay is going to cost him going out in public in his costume and handing out candy to children with pictures to prove it. You can also tell him once the deed is done, you will kick him down more cash for his costume making expenses. He'll see that as a way to spend $40.00 and tell you he spent $600.00. He's going to ask for the money upfront but you don't pay for things until received.

Of course, he'll screw it up the first or second time but assure him you'll make him whole. That is until he doesn't have receipts. You can also tell him to rent or buy a real Santa costume and you'll reimburse him but then comes the receipts because you know he's just going to find one.

Elite Baiter Joined: 30 Apr 2017 Posts: 1055

^ Thanks for pointing that out, perhaps looking at it I should have wrote I know it's not icon worthy. Don't worry though, I do understand the rules of the Santa photo game so I wasn't expecting that offering to receive anything more than perhaps a smile here and there. I'm also giving Fish Lad another chance using your suggestion, but to be honest I don't hold out much hope of success.

Yesterday

Cyril 05:56

Quote:

Fish Lad

What the hell is that you've sent Linda and I, is it some kind of joke? You really have caused me a problem now, because on the strength of your assurance that you would be sending the photograph I told Morgan's agent that I would no longer require Morgan's services. I can tell you he wasn't happy at all, who would be when you're on a 30% commission? I guess Linda and I will have to try to approach Laurence Fishburne or Denzel Washington or at a push Ainsley Harriott, although I'm sure the latter may already be booked for a pantomime somewhere. I hope you appreciate the problems you have caused by your silly infantile joke, you must be a truly horrible man to deprive the poor little orphans of the joy that your Christmas card would have brought them.

Toodle-pip

Cyril

Fish Lad 06:13

Quote:

What do you mean by that if you don't like it tell me so that I will get you another photos

Fish Lad 06:19

Quote:

And to get the costume is very heard for me and this is the only one I see but I will try and get another today okay

Cyril 09:31

Quote:

Fish Lad

Look my friend, you know as well as I do that's a photoshopped picture you've sent Linda and I. I really don't know what you're playing at, but Linda is sick and tired of the way you're acting and says she thinks you have been given more than enough chances to sort this all out. I'll try to talk her into giving you another chance as I really do want you to get what you deserve so that we can at least part company on better terms than we are now. I'll get back to you as soon as I can, but don't start counting your chickens before they cross the road, okay?

Toodle-pip

Cyril

Today

Cyril 05:05

Quote:

Fish Lad

Good news my friend, I've managed to talk Linda into giving you another chance. There's no need to thank me, but I really do think you owe me big time for fighting your corner for you. Anyway after much argument I managed to convince Linda that you sending that photoshopped picture really was to be expected given how lazy and stupid you've been in the past. Let's face it, Linda hasn't been around since the start of all of this so she never really understood your ability to be so annoying and your propensity to make things more difficult than the need to be. As I've said I've managed to convince Linda that your deceit was not out of any kind of criminal motive, but just laziness and perhaps a shortage of money, although for a man that can finance such a long siege of my warehouse to claim poverty seems a bit far fetched if you don't mind me saying so. Anyway, if a lack of money is your excuse for what you sent it needn't be because the orphans are no older than ten years old and probably wouldn't know a real Santa costume from one that you had cobbled together yourself. I know you're a lazy bastard, but be creative, make yourself a Santa hat out of red fabric or even red paper with cotton wool on top, a red coat with white fabric, cotton wool or even paper if that's all you can find, a black belt, you could make a nice big buckle out of cardboard wrapped in aluminium foil. You'll need to find red pants and black boots of course, but I'm sure if you put your mind to it you'll come up with something. Perhaps in the next photograph you send you could surround yourself with gift-wrapped presents, that would take the focus off of the Santa costume you make if it looks a little shoddy. As I say, the orphans aren't that old and sadly most of them are a bit simple so I really don't think they'll mind what you look like as long as you've made some kind of effort. Try to get back to Linda and I with your decision on whether you want this chance you are being offered because we found out yesterday that Ainsley Harriott hasn't managed to get a gig this year and we may be able to snap him up for a knock-down price.

Toodle-pip

Cyril

Elite Baiter Joined: 30 Apr 2017 Posts: 1055

Fish Lad 11:04

Quote:

See I will get the picture to you tomorrow so get my money ready I will go to market to look for the costume so that I will get the picture to you tomorrow since you don't like the one I managed to get but I will try

I think that's great news should he actually send it, but unfortunately it now prsents me with a bit of a problem. With all the chatter about ITP's I've trawled back through the hundreds of emails Fish Lad and his alter egos have sent over the months looking for something I thought was mentioned and posted below is what I was looking for.

Fish Lad 21st July 20:51

Quote:

And you think you have my real photos right hahaha laugh at you that is not my real picture because I know you are up to something

Question now is do I stop posting Fish Lad's photographs here because I can't be sure that the person in the original Linoline baits maggots and worms photograph is really Fish Lad? Even if it is what about his friends, are they ITP's? or complicit? I only ask because I'm sure there's another email buried somewhere (which I really can't be bothered to look for) where Fish Lad tells Cyril he paid them however many Naira it was for their help. This ITP business really does open a whole can of worms. I'm thinking now perhaps I should delete all of those photographs and any others I've posted just to be on the safe side.

Elite Baiter Joined: 30 Apr 2017 Posts: 1055

Cyril 17th 15:46

Quote:

Fish Lad

Sorry about the late reply, but now Linda and I have decided to take the risk and move back to the cottage we have a bit more freedom so we've just been out for a nice Sunday lunch at the Badgers Todger. Anyway, it's good to read that you're starting to take this a little more seriously than you have so far, but I must warn you that Linda mentioned the problems we have been having with you to Father Lawrence and there was also an email from him waiting for us on our return. Turns out Father Lawrence asked at the Sunday service he holds at the camp if any enterprising young men there were interested in helping Linda and I out. Well it seems there were and they knocked up the Santa costume you see in the attached photograph in next to no time. If they can do that stuck in a refugee camp then I can't see that producing something yourself of equal or better quality should cause you any problems. So what I'm trying to say is if you feel you can't deliver what you have promised please let Linda and I know so that we can send a little of your money to those young men at the camp for there help.

Toodle-pip

Cyril

Fish Lad 17th 16:05

Quote:

I will get the picture to you tomorrow

Cyril 17th 16:11

Quote:

Fish Lad

That's entirely up to you, I'm just letting you know what's going on.

Toodle-pip

Cyril

Fish Lad 18th 12:37

Today

Cyril 08:56

Quote:

Elastic my dear

Just a quick up-date to let you know where Linda and I are at with that idiot Fish Lad and I'm afraid the news isn't good. It would seem that Fish Lad is either to stupid to understand simple instructions or he is deliberately sending photographs that don't meet the requirements to get this whole business concerning his money sorted out. Once again the fool has sent Linda and I photoshopped photographs, I won't attach them for your perusal as I'm sure you can imagine what a load of rubbish they are. I can only think that if Fish Lad is not producing them himself then he must be paying a drunken monkey to do the work for him. I really do not understand what the fool is thinking when he sends them, but if he's happy wasting his time and getting nothing for doing it then why should I care? I haven't bothered replying to him because quite frankly I'm sick and tired of the fool, he's received simple enough instructions to follow and enough time to complete the small task he's been asked to do. Luckily Father Lawrence has found a couple of enterprising young men at Linda's old refugee camp that seem to be interested in sending the Santa photograph for the orphans Christmas cards so Linda will be contacting Father Lawrence after lunch when he should be free to discuss it with him. Also, we still need to sort out getting those laptops, phones and shoes to you my dear, so if you could get back to me about that it would be wonderful. Hope to hear from you soon.

Toodle-pip

Cyril

I'll be back in a bit, I've just got to walk the dog.

Posted: Tue Nov 19, 2019 2:57 pm

Lovely pics. Well done.

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 05 Jan 2017 Posts: 790

Congrats ...Excellent !!!

Elite Baiter Joined: 30 Apr 2017 Posts: 1055

Woah! before the backslapping gets out of hand I should point out that there is no Father Lawrence and the photograph with the two young men with that rather strange Santa is borrowed from the Internet. Sadly the other is Fish Lads latest offering and as you will see things have not gone well. Laughing

Miss Elastic 10:32

Quote:

Okay so how can you get me the package

Miss Elastic 10:58

Quote:

Okay but Fish Lad just send me the one he sent to you but I see nothing in that one that one is very good and for your information Linda is scamming you if you don't know and the person you called father Lawrence is not a really father Linda want to eat all your money and run away and Fish Lad told me now that if he didn't hear from you from now till tomorrow that he will and if he didn't receive any money from you till tomorrow he will do something bad to you and Linda first thing Linda will go blind after 3day she will die after a week you will die and let me tell you the truth he is going to do that so am afraid to collect anything from you again and please stop emailing me untill you sort your problem out with Fish Lad because i told you about Fish Lad's father he is a native doctor very strong one and he have your picture and Linda so please am out line a is deceiving you believe it or not ask Linda how she get your email he was sent by a man to terminate your life My pastor told me that she will leave you this Xmas to go and make use of the money she made from you but she will not go free because she will not be alive to enjoy the money so since Fish Lad is sending you all the picture for the advert do you ask him how he get the picture now that is time for you to pay him then you now see that he is working the picture my dear you are playing with your life

Fish Lad 11:16

Quote:

So you think am a fool right you want to send my money to all this fool I will tell you that I am not a good man if I no see any money in my account tomorrow that your Linda will go blind and she will die in next 3days after a week will be yours let's try our self tomorrow

Fish Lad 11:21

Quote:

Here is the WorldRemit information to send the money tomorrow or

Acct number ##########
Acct name Fish Lad
First bank Nigeria
City Lagos Nigeria

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 05 Jan 2017 Posts: 790

Or what ...or dont !

Quote:

Here is the WorldRemit information to send the money tomorrow or

Elite Baiter Joined: 30 Apr 2017 Posts: 1055

^Or more of the same. Laughing

Yesterday 16:59

Quote:

Elastic my dear

My that's a lot of information to take in all at once and I'm not sure that I believe half of it. What do you mean when you say Linda is scamming me? Linda is the sweetest and most loving woman that I've ever known so I really don't understand why you would say such a nasty thing about her. Are you saying it because you are still deeply in love with me? I thought that we'd sorted that all out and agreed that friendship was all that I could offer you. You must really try to get over this hatred you have for Linda, if it wasn't for her I wouldn't have even considered sending you or Fish Lad anything. I also do not understand why you say Father Lawrence is not a Father, of course he is you silly girl, he was the person that helped Linda get her travel documents so that she could join me here in the UK. Why would he do that if he did not have Linda's best interest at heart? And who is this bloody Pastor of yours that's filling your silly little head with such nonsense? Can you get him to contact me so that I can have a stern word with him. As for Fish Lad's father, he sounds like a bit of a fool to me so I suppose I really shouldn't be surprised that Fish Lad turned out the way he has. So my dear, I thank you for your concern, but I think Linda and I will be just fine and will be enjoying a merry Christmas together no matter what Fish Lad tries to do.

Toodle-pip

Cyril

17:07

Quote:

Fish Lad

I will not be sending you anything until you send me the photograph for the orphans Christmas card. We had an agreement and I will honour my end of the deal as soon a you honour yours.

Toodle-pip

Cyril

Today

Fish Lad 14:07

Quote:

I have send you the picture you want so send my money to me or you and Linda will lose your site remember you have only today to do that

Miss Elastic 14:32

Quote:

No problem that is your business but since you send that kind of money to that father ask Linda to tell you the name of the parish of the father and the country name as well the picture of the church that was bount then you will see the the truth from it send Fish Lad his money even €50,000 then use the rest for your self let me tell you Fish Lad will kill Linda and those guys you sent they picture to him and kill you later please for the sake of this soul send him some money tomorrow morning, but for Linda and I don't have anything with her and I don't want your love anymore I will be getting married next week by one of the richest man in my state so as am talking to you now I don't want any of your love but for the sake of that poor girl you are trying to help unless you want to lose her tell her to contact me so that I will talk to her she will understand me because she is my fallow woman so tell her please before it will be late

Miss Elastic 14:33

Quote:

And for the sake of this children

Fishy business still going strong.	View next topic View previous topic