Still More Goofy Stuff That YOU Wrote

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Posted: Thu Jun 13, 2019 1:12 am

It's been a while since the last Goofy Things That Baiters Wrote was updated, so rather than necro, here's a new thread...

A Lad was claiming (entirely in upper case) that he could send me a cash shipment - nothing odd there, but then I noticed the signature block:

Quote:

MR.KHALED ALMULAWA
HEAD OF (DCU)

I'm not a comics fan by any means, but still... so I replied thus.

Quote:

Mr Stark and Ms Potts of MCU contacted me last week about this very matter. It seems that you're a bit more than a day late and a dollar short.

Posted: Thu Jun 20, 2019 9:57 am

I was reviewing some completed baits with a view to publication, and found a couple of replies I'd made to Lads who had shown their commitment to - well, situational ethics.

Quote:

Ademola is also with CBN, and he's been trying to give me money made by bribery and corruption. I assumed you were part of the same process.

Quote:

I think you're confusing legal with successful. They ain't necessarily the same, you know.

Posted: Sat Jun 29, 2019 12:37 am

I sent this last Sunday to my lad after going silent for a day:

Quote:

I am sorry for the delay in responding to you. My neighbors are from Germany and they invited me over to their house to help them celebrate their country's glorious victory in yesterday's Women's World Cup match.

(Germany 3, Nigeria 0 last Saturday)

Lad had no comment.

Posted: Thu Jul 25, 2019 3:31 am

Lad harping on how it is time to make a payment and blah blah blah. So I sent him this. It seemed like a good idea at the TIME 🤣

Quote:

1There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under the heavens:

2a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

4a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

6a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

[/quote]

Elite Baiter Joined: 30 Apr 2017 Posts: 1055

Cyril's fish lad.

Quote:

Hahaha laugh at you I told you you will spend your money for nothing

Cyril

Quote:

But my chicks are free.

Toodle-pip

Cyril

Posted: Wed Aug 07, 2019 5:40 am

When a Lad told Cammy that he'd got a shipment of cash ready to be sent to her, with just her address and number needed, she was aghast. Her email explaining how stupid the plan was ended with...

Quote:

Cancel that shipment and think of something you didn't find in Fuckwits R Us!

Posted: Wed Aug 07, 2019 1:40 pm

My fake company baiting cc lads has such nice products as blinker fluid, ground guides, skyhooks, and left handed wrenches for sale 🤣

Posted: Wed Aug 07, 2019 2:11 pm

dr michael Edward: I want you to send me your fell information.
Ronald: I want Gal Gadot to lick my nuts every night while Jennifer Aniston massages my feet with her tits. It sounds like we're both SOL.
dr michael Edward: My dear once you interested to receive your funds, try to send me your fell information right now.
Ronald: I don't think I will ever be interested.
dr michael Edward: Send me your fell information
Ronald: If you know you want to suck my ass and swallow my dick, go ahead and do that right now.
dr michael Edward: I don't have time to play OK
dr michael Edward: So send me your fell information.
Ronald: I don't have time. I'm going to go play.

Posted: Wed Aug 07, 2019 5:39 pm

Bwahahaha! That sounds like the way I answer scammers on facebook....

Ps didnt write it but said it. When I get calls tagged "scam likely" I answer by saying "FBI fraud division how can I help you." For some reason they always hang up instantly. 🤣

Edit to avoid a double post.

"I mailed the check to Western Onion. Now what?"

And...

"Start talking smart or I will ride away."

And another one....

"What the heck is a affidavit of trust and why does gmail call you a fraudstar and add your email to the canned meat file? "

Posted: Wed Aug 14, 2019 7:40 pm

Same lad from my previous post.

dr michael Edward: So send me your fell information.
Ronald: You clearly have not been burdened by an overabundance of education.
dr michael Edward: Send me your fell information, so what your friends will be transfer to you
Ronald: How has this worked for you in the past?
dr michael Edward: And that is all you have to do for the office right now OK
So you don't want the past I sent too you right?
Ronald: What is the past that you sent to me? Is that the regrettable night or the one-nighter with Charlize? Because I don't regret that shit, even if Jay is pissed.
dr michael Edward: Try to send me your fell information,, to get your mtcn Done and I promise you that and I swear .
Ronald: aQ3HNA7D[-BG 0PNFH9BT3]M '[ab6
}@38V=-NC9FJQX,
E
i TRIED. I FAILED. i PROMISE YOU THAT IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN. I sWEAR!!!!
dr michael Edward: My dear this Weston union office,, so once you want the fund,, try to listen too the office OK
And ,, what this we meaning? aQ3HNA7D[-BG 0PNFH9BT3]M '[ab6
}@38V=-NC9FJQX,
E
Ronald: This is not the Weston union office.
You haven't figured out the meaning? You realize people don't respect you at all, right? I mean they don't even talk shit BEHIND your back. We do it straight to your FACE.
dr michael Edward: Send me your fell information right now?
Ronald: q4Damn. Tried again.
[ei
y][W -8EMR4Q'3 4UPT]Q-3IT4]
fAILED.
dr michael Edward: You don't understand right?
We're your ID card and your email address?
Ronald: Oh, I do. I've been trying to tell you. I have been explaining it to you (over and over add some nausea), but I can't understand it for you. You really should punch your father straight in the sack for producing such stupid sperm.
Did you get that?
dr michael Edward: So you don't have I'd Card right
b]Ronald:[/b] What do you think?
dr michael Edward: I want you to send me your fell information
So, that your funds will be transfer for your OK
Ronald: I tried. Twice. I failed.
35]bc4,y[]34.5=v,b8nm84m0],i67nu[-b4i3c23x.4r/\2C5y 62
Make that 3 times.
I also already have my fund. I do, however, have this tractor for sale. Are you interested?
What's your email?
It's a good tractor.
dr michael Edward: And I'm with your mtcn number right now OK.
Ronald: It's an IH 350.
3-point hitch and PTO
dr michael Edward: I want you to give me 3 mx
Ronald: : I only have the one tractor for sale.
dr michael Edward: My dear listen too me now OK,, so my drenat told me that you have to pay some fee for$130 dollar only To transfer your funds to you today OK,, and I promise you that once you have sent the fee now, I will raise your Fast payment today and I swear to god.
Ronald: : No, I couldn't take only $130 for it. That's an insult! What do you take me for?

Posted: Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:10 pm

I was in a star wars mood. It took a bit of setup, but I was able to send this:

Quote:

I'm in from a long day checking through the fields to be sure nobody is digging up our plants. The local dispensaries call them clones and they battle over the types like it's some damn war. We have the good southern Republic plants, of course. I'm patrolling the fields best I can, like the trooper I am. I have to carry a gun just in case we get raided but it's pretty meaningless because I can't hit anything I shoot at anyway.

Posted: Wed Aug 14, 2019 10:22 pm

One of my many orphans had trouble in remembering how much of his inheritance to offer me and ended up "increasing" the amount from 40% to 30%.

So Mal decided to reference 1984.

Quote:

40% to 30% isn't an increase unless you're talking about Oceanian chocolate rations.

Posted: Thu Aug 15, 2019 12:42 am

^^^That info looks pretty fell to me!

Posted: Thu Aug 15, 2019 2:34 am

Disclaimer- nsfw
2nd disclaimer - i bait drunk a lot

Quote:

bUt i coulnt. Make to onion bank. Cause My goat need to be maturbaited.

He still replied. Ignored it completely. 🙄

Posted: Fri Aug 16, 2019 2:04 am

From a bait I did many years ago. I told the lad I had been arrested and spent the weekend in jail because of some mistake he had made.

My character wrote:

Do you know what they do to fat, balding, men in prison? This is your a$$hole before prison, o . This is your a$$hole after prison, o .

The lad wrote:

Yes, I know.

Posted: Fri Aug 23, 2019 9:25 pm

Omg. I just peed myself laughing so hard at your lad's response.

Totally mangled insult ....

Quote:

Einstien said every action has an equal and opposite reaction. You must be the universes answer to his genious.

* yes I was drunk
* yes I know it was actually newton
* yes I know spellcheck would have been a good thing to use

Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2019 5:13 pm

GACH has been trying to get my contact details. I wrote back:

Quote:

I don't have any contact details. I only wear glasses.

Posted: Fri Aug 30, 2019 6:40 am

There were some familiar elements in this Lad's script - I'd first seen them five years ago:

Quote:

My names are David G.Kimball... from republic of Sudan.. i came to Ghana to retrieve my late father's Consignment that he deposited in Ghana some years back... I have been in Ghana for 9 months now... the consignment is in Malaysia.

I couldn't resist.

Quote:

So let's get this straight - you're David Kimball, the fugitive from Sudan with millions of dollars in cash in Malaysia and needing my help.
However, you're not David Kimball, the fugitive from Sudan with millions of dollars in cash in Malaysia and needing my help who contacted me five years ago.

Posted: Fri Aug 30, 2019 1:41 pm

^^^I'm surprised he isn't confused with Dr. Richard Kimball, The Fugitive, who caused Tommy Lee Jones to search every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in the area.

Posted: Sun Sep 01, 2019 9:55 pm

Sometimes it's nice to confuse a lad

Quote:

I didn't worry but you should be a little more clearer in what you expect me not to do or I'll be at a loss for knowing what can be reasoably be not expected from me and I will do the right thing even if it slams me in the face

Posted: Mon Sep 16, 2019 5:43 pm

Fincen wrote:

You should further note that we reserve the legal verterbrate to quash every incomplete monetary transaction

Jean wrote:

You don't have the moral arthopod to do so!

Posted: Fri Sep 20, 2019 11:21 pm

A Romance Ladette contacted Cammy and included a picture of "herself" at a certain South American tourist site. Cammy was impressed.

Quote:

And is that Macchu Pikachu? That is so on my bucket list!

Posted: Sat Oct 19, 2019 6:14 am

Quote:

We hereby officially notifying you about the present arrangement to pay you, your over due contract fund valued at $10.500.000.00 through (Master ATM CARD) This arrangement was initiated/constituted by the World Bank and Paris Club, due to fraudulent activities going on within the African Region.

Cammy was puzzled by the bit about the "Paris Club."

Quote:

The World Bank's one thing, but why would the Moulin Rouge send me millions of dollars?

Posted: Sat Oct 26, 2019 3:55 pm

listen I have told you only amount will be able to accept which is
last price if you are already then go ahead buy Itunes Card $25 only
not less than $25 if you want us to get your first payment of $5000
activate to your name for you easy go ahead pick up your payment go
ahead and send the $25 itunes card.

On 10/25/19, xxxxxxx <[email protected]> wrote:
I might be willing to go half of that = $12.50

On Fri, 25 Oct 2019 10:22:36 -0500 emmaoboir
<mailto:[email protected]> wrote ----
we will only accept $25 which is the last amount you can pay for us to
get your first fund activate.

On 10/24/19, edxxxx <mailto:[email protected]> wrote:
I said $6.00

---- On Wed, 23 Oct 2019 15:25:09 -0500 emmaoboir
<mailto:mailto:[email protected]> wrote ----
if you can be able to send $25 then you send it through iturn card $25
so that i will assist you after confirm your first payment of $5000
then you pay the left balance before we will be send your second
payment?

On 10/23/19, xxxxxx <mailto:mailto:[email protected]> wrote:
Could I get part of my payment for a fee of $6.00?

---- On Wed, 23 Oct 2019 11:56:34 -0500 emmaoboir
<mailto:mailto:mailto:[email protected]> wrote ----
WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER.
ADDRESS Bldg. 26 Federal Plaza, 3rd Floor New York, NY 10278. Field
Office
Director Department
MY DIRECT PHONE LINE IS (987)267xxxx
E-MAIL(mailto:mailto:mailto:[email protected])
ATTENTION.
INFORMATION REACHING US FROM OUR CORPORATE HEADQUARTERS NOW, STATES THAT YOU ONLY HAVE 24HOURS TO EFFECT PAYMENT FOR THE ACTIVATION OF YOUR MTCN TO ENABLE YOU CASH UP YOUR FIRST $5,000:00 FROM YOUR TOTAL
(FUND) SINCE YOU ARE FINDING IT DIFFICULT TO MAKE THIS PAYMENT WE HAVE

Posted: Thu Nov 21, 2019 12:27 pm

Occasionally I've answered annoying Lads by paraphrasing their messages. This one involves a Lad who keeps insisting that Cammy won't be paid without his help, and she's told him that she and her BBFF got paid already. The Lad wrote:

Quote:

Good Day,
How are you doing today with family?
Why all these delaying again? You have to try all your possible best to send the required charges so that you can receive your fund this time without any delay.
I want to assure you that you must for sure receive your FUND at this stage without fail. I advice you to try all you could, do everything you can, hustle any how to make sure that you send this last balance payment before the end of the week, so that we can win this battle while you receive your fund and pay off your Bills also to take good cares of your family and start your new investing with your USD$800.000.00.
I am 100% sure about this and that is why I always encourage you so that you can receive your funds very easy and start eloping your own invests.
Thank you for your understanding as I look forward to hearing from you with details
I want to read from you now.

Cammy's reply should be unambiguous (emphasis in original).

Quote:

How are you doing today with your poor long-suffering family?
Why all these demands again? You have to try all your possible best to forget about the charges because we received our funds on time without any delay.
I want to assure you that we for sure received our FUNDS on time without fail. I advice you to try all you could, do everything you can, hustle any how to make sure that you fuck off before the end of the week, so that we can enjoy the festive season while you stop demanding money, and you can get back to making life hell for your family who must be embarrassed at what a fucking idiot you are.
I am 100% sure about that and that is why I always encourage you to fuck off and leave us alone so we can enjoy the good life with all our BGFFs.
Thank you for your understanding as I look forward to never hearing from you again.
I want you to understand that.

Of course, it may just go over his head.

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