I've got a real idiot here.

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2019 12:21 pm

I've been toying with this lad for a day or two but wasn't expecting much from him. He wants $125 for a security certificate that will release a $10.5m windfall to me. (I'm SO lucky). I told him I couldn't afford the cash so I'd send him the fee in used stamps. He didn't understand the concept. That's where the fun began.

Quote:

Lad:what you mean used stamps
Me: Just what it says. Little squares of coloured paper that you find on envelopes...each with a value, torn off same and sent to you in payment.
Lad: I don't understand
Me: Well you're just rubbish then!
Lad: No I'm not
Me: Well if you're not explain to me why you don't know what used stamps are?
Lad: We are talking about money to pay your charges which is just $125 only.
Me: Yes. $125 IN USED STAMPS! Which part of that statement don't you understand? This is the picture of your payment of $125. All I have to do is put them in an envelope and put a stamp on it. What is your address?

I then sent him a picture of a pile of old stamps taken from the web and to my utter amazement he went for it! Shocked

Quote:

So when are you going to mail it to this address below, xxxx orchard hill dr Belton Texas xxxxx.

In for a penny, in for a pound:

Quote:

I'll do it at lunchtime. In about an hour.

Then the penny drops. Oh. So. Slowly.

Quote:

that is not money

I reassure him...the doubting Thomas that he is.

Quote:

Yes, it is. Each stamp has a value and they can be cashed. It's a well known fact.

That's where I am at the moment. He's gone quiet for now. Obviously checking his philately catalogue Razz

Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2019 1:01 pm

nice idea. Looking forward to see where this will be going

Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2019 1:38 pm

But wait...
After telling him that used stamps really do have a monetary value, he seems reassured:

Quote:

Ok, thanks.
I will be expecting to get the tracking number once you mail it via UPS.

A fake postal receipt will be winging its way to him soon because UPS is just too expensive Wink

Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2019 11:50 pm

'Tis a shame you couldn't go the full Goon Show on him, where seemingly just about anything was negotiable currency.

Seagoon: Old wrinkled retainer! My retinue and I require kippo for the night - I'm willing to pay. Look, here's an advance, three shillings in unused buttons.
Henry Crun: Oh, I'll sew them on my cheque book at once.

And, funnily enough:

Grytpype: Mr. Snagge, I fear you have arrived too late to save Mr Greenslade. He has already signed a theatrical contract at £5 a week.
Snagge: Five pounds? There isn't that much!
Grytpype: Yes, there is, and here it is in used stamps.

Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2019 7:55 am

Absolutely. This is my favourite

Grytpype-Thynne: Neddie, my heavily-oiled friend here and I, are rather anxious to get to Pevensey Bay Station tonight.
Neddie: You'll never do it. There are no trains.
Grytpype-Thynne: We know. Perhaps a lift on your snowplough?
Neddie: Out of the question. It's against the rules.
Grytpype-Thynne: We have money.
Neddie: Money?
Grytpype-Thynne: Yes! To prove we're not lying, here's a photograph of a shilling.
Neddie: What wealth!
Grytpype-Thynne: Yes, and there are more photographs where that came from.

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

^^LOL

Always loved the Goons.

Elite Baiter Joined: 19 Apr 2008 Posts: 1301

Me too. But our American contingent must be wondering what the hell all this talk about the Goons is about

Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2019 12:01 pm

The latest developments with my halfwitted friend who's waiting for his stamps after being assured of their value to him:

Quote:

Lad: Ok, thanks. I will be expecting to get the tracking number once you mail it via UPS.
Me:UPS is too expensive. I'll put a stamp on it and send it in the post. Wink

Lad: Okay dear beneficiary, please send me all the information okay.
Me: Ok, I will do it tonight after I get home from work.

I leave him to stew for a couple of days.

Quote:

Lad: Hello dear beneficiary, any update yet?
Me: I'm sorry Mr. Moore for the delay. My great aunt Minnie died from cancer of the breast on Wednesday so I hope you'll forgive my not having our business at the front of my mind. Below is a scan of the proof of posting for your stamps. (A real proof of posting that I Photoshopped)
Lad: When will the receiver receive it and what country did you send the stamps from.

If he read the proof of posting he'd know so a mild slap is duly administered:

Quote:

In about three working days. As for the country I sent them from, did you not look at the proof of posting I sent you? At the top it says postoffice.co.uk. UK? Do you not know what that is?

He seems chastened:

Quote:

I know sir.

Next, when the parcel never arrives, I will have to introduce a corrupt Customs Officer who wants paid if chummy here wants his stamps. Twisted Evil

Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2019 12:22 pm

Here, for our American readers, are some links relating to the highly esteemed Goon Show!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Goon_Show

https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Radio/TheGoonShow

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ctM_Rvgjfpo

Posted: Wed Jan 30, 2019 12:56 pm

My poor lad. He's just got no luck with this transaction. Some corrupt fellow (my dolla chopping alter ego, Zulu Aganga) at the USPS has his parcel of used stamps and is in the mood for a bit of extortion:

Quote:

Hello.
I am officer of the USPS. I saw your package today from the UK. According to customs declaration it contain money which has been sent to you from UK. Since this has come from outside the US country it has no origin point within US leagal status. Perhaps you would like pay me for you to recieve this package. It was sent without correct delivery fee so you must pay me a balance to recieve it. Do not contact the USPS about this or your parcel will vanish Yahoo boy.
Send $50 to me by Western Union by tomorrow or its bye bye to your money

Zulu Aganga

Poor lad. What IS he to do Crying or Very sad

I've got a real idiot here.	View next topic View previous topic