Archie Fails to Join the Church of the Old Gods

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2018 6:34 am

My humble idea:

- Archie must be dressed only with his underwear. He must stay at the top of the pyramid with a white goat in his arms (the white goat = the innocence and purity of the Faith).
- There are 12 idiots around the pyramid dressed like in the KuKluxKlan films ... on their robes they have to write sacred Masonic symbols (I think some Chinese letters might be very useful here).
- The twelve idiots (Archie's apostles) will slowly turn around the pyramid, singing a religious song (there are plenty of examples on youtube). Their hands will be crossed on their chest.
- When the song ends, Archie descends between them and they pour "milk and honey" on him ... symbolizing "the Eve of Faith, the Eve of Happiness".
- They all sing the same song, slowly moving away from the pyramid.
- Filming must be done in daylight to see all the details ... some torches can be put in the corners of the pyramid.

Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2018 2:15 am

^ I think we want to stay away from the KKK outfits, but I like the other suggestions you folks have provided. Roger will give Archie the instructions for the ceremony soon. Twisted Evil

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

As long as he looks like a fool in front of a crowd of villagers, I will be more than satisfied. Very Happy

Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2018 7:00 am

^ He looks like a fool anyway. Laughing

- He borrowed money from everyone, built that pyramid along with other idiots, went on a journey from where he came back empty-handed.
- So, the whole village knows he's a stupid moron. Here we have no doubts! Laughing

Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2018 3:52 am

Roger ignores the request that he send the money and instead gives Archie his instructions for the initiation ceremony:

Quote:

I have good news! I spoke with Young Susan this morning about the correct forms for the initiation ceremony, and she gave me the list of official instructive so I could give it to you. This is the same initiation ceremony that every one who is joining the Church must go threw in order to finish their membership precess. I did it myself when I joined, and it is a very beautiful ceremony with a long tradition. I think you will like it. (I am certain he won't)

Anyways, here are the instructive:

<snip to keep the suspense>

And that's it! It's so simple, isn't it?

Normally, one of the Elders or a senior Pastor would witness the initiation ceremony and make sure the forms are obeyed. And other members of the Parish would be the witnesses. But since your our pioneer for the Church in your country, we don't have anyone over their who can be a witness. You will have to take a video tape of the ceremony and send it to Pastor Moses so that he can make sure everything was done correctly. Make sure we can see all the steps of the ceremony, and don't leave anything out. It will be dark too, so make sure everything shows up properly on the camera.

Oh, I am so exited about this! I remember the day of my own initiation very fondly. That was when my life turned around and joining the Church made me the man I am today. I know you will become a great and famous member of the Church, Archie. I am so happy that your joining and I was the one who sponsored you. I really look forward to congratulating you and welcoming you to the Church as my Brother very soon!

Please get the ceremony completed as soon as possible, because remember, we have business to attain to. After your a member, I don't want any more delays in finishing our gold deal. It has already been so long.

Let's see if he agrees to do it.

Baiting Guru Joined: 25 Jul 2017 Posts: 2107

It's a foregone conclusion to know he will be a great and famous member of the church. He is already infamous in some circles.

Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2018 7:29 pm

Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2018 3:49 am

As I expected, Archie wants the money first:

Quote:

It is easy, I will definitely do it.

But first, you will have to send the money you promise to send Last week.
You don't expect to call out 7 people at the middle of the night to follow me to the monument place for initiation ceremony. I can only get their attention if I will to pay them.

So Mr sponsor, send the money then I will proceed with the ceremony..

Thank you.

Roger tells him to do the ceremony first, and then he'll send all the money together:

Quote:

If you agree that it is so easy, than why don’t you just do the ceremony first? That way we can send you the money for the Church grant, the bake sale, and my $20,000.00 dollars donation to you all at once in stead of having to send it twice in two transfers. And this way I don’t have to worry that it mite be a Sin to send money to heathen unbelievers like you or that K woman.

I just think that would be much easier for both of us. If you need to pay people to witness your initiation ceremony, just let me know how much you pay them and than I can send you that money along with the rest of it. Is that ok?

Archie doesn't go for it:

Quote:

Hello Mr Roger, yes the ceremony is quite easy but I will need the help of my community kinsmen in other to get it done.

This people are not going to assist me in the ceremony if I do not pay them some money, they are the people that you and the church has failed to keep your promise with. (Trying the guilt trip angle again)

Why are you changing your decision about this? I thought we had an arrangement between us? Which is that you gonna send me money for my health and also my community. In that way it will be easier to convince them to join me in the final ceremony.

I have told you, until you send the $20,000 that you promised. I am not not gonna complete the ceremony.

You are my "sponsor" you should do what is necessary.

We have been on this page since over 2weeks, I have sent you the account number. What's stopping you from sending the money?

I have made my self clear to you, I will complete the ceremony as soon as you send the money.

Roger will agree to send it tomorrow, but unfortunately for Archie, Hilts will be in no mood to cooperate.

Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2018 3:57 am

Roger tells Archie he will send the money:

Quote:

I still think it would be much easier if you just did the ceremony, so you would be a member and we could send all the money to you at the same time. But if this is how you want it, I will go to Mr Hilts today and ask him to send you the money.

Honestly though, I think it is very strange that your threatening not to do the ceremony if I don't send you the money. It makes me wander if your doing this for the rite reasons. You should be doing it cause you have Faith in the Church and the Old Gods and you want your immoral soul to be Saved, not cause you will get money for it. I hope you know that, Archie.

Roger then goes to Hilts's bank, and Hilts sees through the cover story immediately. He lets Archie know he's onto him:

Quote:

Hey asshole! Guess who came into my bank a few minutes ago? That stupid bastard Roger asked me to send $20,000.00 USD to some random bitch out in Vegas. I asked him who that was and what it was for and he started getting fostered and mixing up his words. You know he’s not a good liar, right?

That’s right, I know the money is for you, jackass! Did you really think you were gonna be able to sneak this shit past me? Think again, shithead. Your not smart enough to fool me!

What the fuck is wrong with you? I told you not to waist my fucking time with this piddly ass small money. I told you to finish the job and get the big money, and you said you would. But than what did you do? You took three fucking weeks just jerking off without telling me a goddam thing, than you come back trying to fool me into sending you pocket chunk change! Is this how you work all your jobs?

So I say fuck you! I told Roger I sent the money, but I’m gonna keep it. If you want your share of the cash, you gotta do the job right and get access to the church accounts. It’s taken you a whole fucking year now. What’s taking so long?

Archie boasts of his wealth and tries to intimidate Hilts:

Quote:

Go fuck yourself greedy bastard. I made $2million last year for information.

You really think that I am dumb.

If you don't send the money within the next 24hrs I will get your ass in jail.

Your time starts now.

Have you heard about hushpuppi? Maybe you should Google it.

Bastard

Hilts is not at all worried:

Quote:

No you didn’t make $2 million USD, you giant fucking dipshit. Not last year, not ever. If you were making that kind of money you wouldn’t waist everybody’s goddam time by trying to hustle Roger for this piddly ass $20,000.00 USD. You would just go after the big money and finish the job like I fucking told you to!

So no, I don’t think your dumb, I know for a goddam fact your dumb.

Again: don’t try to fuck with me, your not smart enough. I’m not at all impressed by your threats. You talk a big game, but I know damn well that your just a weak and tiny shit for brains scammer squatting in some shithole. How exactly are you planning to put my ass in jail? I’m sure I’m gonna shit myself laughing when you tell me.

Meanwhile, Archie tells Roger what Hilts is up to:

Quote:

Dear Roger, Hilts is a unbeliever. I think you should stop using him as your Banker if truly you are all real.

He just sent me a message saying that he has told you that he will send the money to me like. But he didn't, instead he says he will be keeping the money to himself.
Tell him to show you the evidence of the transfer that he sent the money.

He has been one of the reasons why this whole membership process is not making headway.

He told me that we should steal your money, he calls you fool and all manner of foul names..

I can send you all his evil plans towards you. I was waiting on the day that he is about to carry out the plan before I tell you. But I think I couldn't wait any more.

Go back to him and tell him transfer the money to the account that I sent to you. He should send it before your eyes.

Or else, this will be my last email to you.

Archie has no idea what a bad idea this is. Roger will be confused and disbelieving when he responds.

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

Quote:

Or else, this will be my last email to you.

We've heard that before..

Poor Archie just can't catch a break. Even when Roger finally pays him, he still can't collect! Very Happy

If I know Roger, I'm pretty sure he's going to have a tough time making any sense of this latest development.

Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2018 3:57 pm

Archie really is an idiot. He just played his only hole card. It's a deuce and, in this game, deuces ain't wild. Laughing

Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2018 4:15 pm

Roger doesn’t understand what Archie is trying to tell him:

Quote:

What nonsense are you saying? Mr Hilts already sent you the money, I saw him do it yesterday. He is not the one causing delays, it is you refusing to finish the Church membership like you promised!

And what are these evil plans your talking about? Why would Mr Hilts have evil plans? He is my trustee banker and I have known him for years!

Are you feeling ok, Archie? I think your rumbling with your words like a mad man! Honestly, I am getting worried about you again. Before you were making wild accessories about Pastor Moses and me, now your saying wicked things about Mr Hilts! I think you the need the Old Gods’ help more then ever now!

That should infuriate him. I’m hoping he tries to forward Hilts’s emails to Roger. That wouldn’t go well for him.

Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2018 4:35 pm

Quote:

Tell him to show you the evidence of the transfer that he sent the money.

Wow lads really are this stupid? They make bogus/phony forged documents all day long (and not very good ones at that) and yet somehow he thinks that Hilts could not come up with some sort of proof he sent the money?

boggles the mind

Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2018 6:29 pm

Archie threatens to use voodoo against Hilts:

Quote:

Let's wait and see who will laugh last. I will invoke African voodoo on you.
You should be wise and send the money to the account that Roger gave you.

You greedy bastard.

Hilts is not scared of him:

Quote:

Oh, your gonna use some tricky African voodoo on me? I’m so scared!

Get the fuck out of here. That shit doesn’t work, so by all means go ahead and do whatever bullshit rituals you want. Your just gonna waist your time and money.

Also, your an idiot, because I told you before very clearly that I’m not gonna have my buddy do the full money laundry on goddam small money. Its gotta be big money. But in stead of doing one simple thing and finishing the job and getting the big score, you had that moron Roger pay this piddly ass $20,000.00 USD. You did exactly what I fucking told you not to do!

So listen up shithead, because I’m only gonna say this one more time: Get Roger and those church idiots to pay the big money, and I’ll make sure you get your full share of the cash, including this $20,000.00 USD. But if you try to go for small money again, I’ll just keep it.

We clear on that?

Archie makes some more threats:

Quote:

Be warned you greedy bastard. You have 3 sun set to pay the money into the account. Else you will face the wrath.

I have already told Roger about your evil scheme.

He did indeed forward one of Hilts’s emails to Roger. Hilts is still not concerned:

Quote:

I already told you several times why I can’t send you the money in an open bank transfer, dumbass. It’s not safe unless we do the money laundry, but the money laundry isn’t worth it unless it’s for big money. This piddly ass $20,000.00 USD you conned Roger into paying doesn’t cut it.

So if you want your cash, finish the goddam church membership and let’s start draining their fucking accounts! You literally have only one thing you still need to do. I have no idea what the fuck your waiting for!

And I’m not scared of you telling Roger anything. Go ahead asshole, be my guest. See what happens if you try to fuck with me. Roger will believe me and I guarantee you’ll regret it.

Roger will be very confused about the email he was sent when he responds tomorrow.

Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2018 11:10 pm

I've been without internet since yesterday. This catch up has been fun!
Laughing

Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2018 2:21 am

Yeah, this can't end well for Archie. This erratic behavior on his part is probably due to excessive drinking or having too much sex with prostitutes; I wonder how he will respond if Hilts suggests this as the reason for his recent behavior.

Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2018 6:51 am

MrMystery314 wrote:

This erratic behavior on his part is probably due to... too much sex with prostitutes; I wonder how he will respond if Hilts suggests this as the reason for his recent behavior.

Especially if too much sex with gay prostitutes is suggested. Of course, Hilts would never dare to be so crass!

Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2018 4:00 pm

Roger misinterprets Archie's attempt to show Hilts's perfidy, instead thinking Archie is the one saying mean and vulgar things about him:

Quote:

What is this trash your sending me?! Why are you using such filthy cursive language? And how dare you call me names like that?! I am your sponsor and your going to be my Brother in the Church, and this is how you treat me?!

Have you been drinking? Are you smoking the reefer? Or are you having some menial problems? I am getting very worried about you, Archie. This is not the rite way for a fallower of the Old Gods to act at all. I think I need to speak to Pastor Moses about your recent behaving.

Naturally, Archie's attempts to explain this will only dig the hole deeper.

Meanwhile, Archie continues to threaten Hilts:

Quote:

You stupid greedy mad man, are you in anyway work in bank?

Everyday hundreds of thousands of dollars are been transferred within and outside America. Nobody is going to prison for it.

Talk less of $20,000.

Your foolishness is chronic, what do you know about banking? Roger can go ahead and believe you, I don't give a fuck.

I have made myself clear, ain't gonna complete any senseless ceremony until I see the money.

But I want to assure you that you will pay for this heavily. No matter how long it takes. I will get you. (I am perfectly fine with him wasting even more of his time trying to ruin someone who doesn't exist)

Hilts points out how stupid he is being:

Quote:

They do go to prison for it if it's part of an obvious scam, fuckface! I already told you, several times, why I couldn't send you the money in a direct transfer, and you agreed with me. Now your trying to change the deal because your disparate for cash or some shit. Well, that's your problem. I'm not risking 10 years in ass rape prison just because you want this small money a few days faster.

And I'm not scared of your stupid threats, dipshit. You must be the dumbest fucker who ever lived.

Let me describe the situation for you again: Your given me this much shit about $20,000.00 USD and threatening to blow up the whole goddam scam and get nothing. And if you do that, Roger's gonna believe me and I can just find another scammer whose not a fucking idiot to work with. But if you just do one simple thing, you can make $250,000.00 USD by next week, and even more after that when we drain the church accounts for millions!

Now let me ask you, given all that: Does what your doing make any fucking sense? No, it fucking doesn't! So who is the foolish one here?

I don't expect Archie will listen to "reason", but at the very least we can piss him off some more.

Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2018 7:07 pm

^^^ Chapeau bas! clapping

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

Quote:

He did but I told him that I am not going to perform the ceremony until the church what is right.

You don't expect me to walk up to the community members and tell them that I have to finish up the membership ceremony. When the church hasn't not play his by fulfilling the promise that you made to the community.

The only to convince them is by sending a little money. .

All I ask for was $5000, is it too much for the church to send.

Honestly, I am not more with your ways and that of Mr Roger.

This might be my last email to you if you refuse to send me the money by Friday.

Moses is very confused by his shifting attitudes.

Quote:

I don't understand you my son?

One day you are telling me that you are excited to perform the ceremony and complete your membership fully, and the next you are telling me that you will not perform the ceremony?

Remember last month when you were drinking heavily and threatening to destroy the Monument? I thought we had moved beyond such foolishness? Do you not recall that the Church raised considerable funds for you by organizing a bake sale? Do you not recall that we mailed you a Welcome Package that you were unable to collect that contained considerable funds? Have you forgotten all that this glorious Church has done for you?

After the blasphemy you spoke of harming the Monument last month, the Elder in all their wisdom concluded that it is of critical importance that you finish you Initiation Ceremony and become a complete and full member before any funds are sent. And why are you asking for $5,000? As soon as you have completed membership we are sending much more than $5,000 to aid your village and spread the word of the Old Gods.

Honestly my son, your attitude continues to confuse me. Most convorts are excited to join the Church and the final ceremony is the last step toward completion. You should be excited! Why you continue to be filled with anger and resist your final stage is of great confusion to me. I will speak with Roger about this at Sunday Services. Hopefully he can help talk some sense into you.

Pastor Moses

Posted: Fri Mar 23, 2018 2:23 am

Archie tells Roger that Hilts wrote the vulgar email:

Quote:

I didn't write that. Hilt your banker sent it to me. So I forwarded it to you.

Mr sent it to me yesterday after you left his bank.

Roger doesn't believe Hilts would swear like that:

Quote:

What, your trying to tell me that Mr Hilts wrote that trash? Now I know your going crazy! Mr Hilts is a strong Baptist Christian, and he never swears or uses cursive language! In all the years I have known him, I have never herd him say anything like that!

I think your lying to me, and you did wrote all that disgusting filth! May be that’s how you really feel about us, or may be you were drinking or taking drugs. But I just don’t understand, why are you lying about poor Mr Hilts? What did he do to you? Why do you want to ruin his good name by accusing him of something he didn’t had anything to do with?

I am very disappointed in you, Archie. I had such high hopes for you becoming a member of the Church, but now I am worried about the corruption of your character. Honestly, I don’t know what to do now. I think I will need to speak to Pastor Moses about weather it makes since for you to continue with your membership precess.

That should get him pretty frustrated. Even with seemingly ironclad proof, he still can't convince Roger that Hilts is dirty, because Roger is too stupid. Very Happy

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

Looks like Roger and Moses will have much to discuss this Sunday. Very Happy

Posted: Fri Mar 23, 2018 8:42 am

Big X wrote:

As I expected, Archie wants the money first:

They always want money first. For the camera and supplies but we all know they just want the money. Good thing you were prepared with a script or excuse.

I'd stay away from the KKK thing especially if you want to post it here. A lot of people wouldn't understand and move to us being racist. The KKK are horrible and ignorant people filled with nothing but hate.

Posted: Sat Mar 24, 2018 2:09 pm

Archie wants to quit again:

Quote:

I am so disappointed at you, if you can't believe me who are sponsoring to become a member of the old Gods. And you can trust Mr Hilts be you have known him for long. Remember that his not a member of your church.

At this point, I feel that I am being used and fooled. I think it'd time to move on with my life.

I have spent almost 3years with you without any benefit. But I have done everything that you require of me.

It's fine and good, I am gonna leave you for good luck.

Please do not reply this message.

It's over between us.

I'm not going to let him go that easily.

Roger reminds Archie of the money, and asks why he should believe him over Hilts:

Quote:

I don’t understand why your quitting your membership precess when your so close to completing it! Why would you do all that work to learn about the Church and reference it’s teachings and than threw it all away like this? Aren’t you worried for your immoral soul? Don’t you want to use the Church fund and the bake sale money to help your village?

And I know Mr Hilts is not a member of the Church, but I have known him for many years and he has never lied to me or used any cursive language like that disgusting email you sent. He has always been honest and managed my money well.

But I know you have lied to me before. And your not a member of the Church yet neither, cause you refuse to do the initiation ceremony. So please explicate to me why you think I should believe you in stead of my trustee banker?

It must drive him nuts that Roger is so clueless about Hilts's true nature.

Archie wants Roger to challenge Mr Hilts on whether he sent the money:

Quote:

Mr Roger, how else do you want me to prove to you that Mr Hilts sent those emails that I sent to you.

That is the only evidence that I have, if you don't believe me I think you should stop messaging me.

Will I lied against him if he didn't say those abusive words? (Yes, if you thought it would make you money)

Go to him his bank on Monday and tell him to show you prove that he sent the money to the account number that I provided.

Don't allow him lie to you, if you can't force him to send the money right before your eyes, do not leave his presence and all he should give you the transaction slip.

If you don't get it done by Monday, don't even bother replying this message.

Roger will agree to do this on Monday, even though he doesn't see the reason for it.

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

Does he really think he's going to get the best of Hilts? He's really in desperation mode now.

Angry with Pastor Moses and again demanding phone calls:

Quote:

I remembered that I told you that I will no longer communicate with you via email.

If you want to hear from me call me.

For your information, all that I have been hearing are promises.

There was no package sent to me. So stop fooling me.

I told you that it's not safe here.
Call yup if you must talk to me.

Pastor Moses is worried that he might be drinking again:

Quote:

What do you mean my son? Don't you remember that I had young Susan help me change my email password? I did that for you because you were sounding so paranoid and crazy with all this talk about harked emails. Please try to calm down my son.

You still have not acknowledged all of the wonderful things that the church has done for you. I pray for the sake of your soul and for your fellow villagers that you will stop all of this foolish behavior and venomous attitude. I fear that alcohol may be involved here. Please do not succumb to drunkenness again my son.

Pastor Moses

Archie Fails to Join the Church of the Old Gods	View next topic View previous topic