Archie Fails to Join the Church of the Old Gods

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Posted: Wed Sep 06, 2017 2:16 am

Archie asks Eric for help persuading Pastor Moses to give him more time:

Quote:

Dear brother Eric, welcome back from your vacation.

Pastor Moses wasn't happy with me that I have not completed my faith monument by now. He's talking about talking about giving the money that was raised for my community to Texas hurricane victims. I don't think it will be a nice idea.

I have told him to give 7 more days, I will complete the monument.

Please help me plead with them.

And Roger is upset that Archie is asking for yet more time after he has been promising to build the pyramid for many months now:

Quote:

You have been saying that you will complete the stage 3 soon for many months now! How much longer will we have to wait? I honestly can't think of a single successful cavort to our Church that ever took this long to complete the Monument of Faith. It makes me sad, cause you seemed to have so much potential.

I guess it is a good thing that you have at least completed the charity sponsorship form. Hopefully the Elders will smile upon your application and we will be able to send the money to you. But I know you would have a much better chance of them approving the sponsorship if we could see some progress on the Monument and it was clear that you were actually on your way to becoming a member.

I don't have very high hopes that he will actually start construction, but it might be interesting to see if he tries to get out of it, if he tries some photoshop trickery, or if he simply doesn't do it.

Posted: Wed Sep 06, 2017 11:12 am

I'm anxious to see any of those three results.

Posted: Wed Sep 06, 2017 10:02 pm

Eric tells Archie about Hurricane Irma coming toward Florida:

Quote:

Hello Brother Archie, unfortunately it is not my call to say whether you should get the money or if it should go to Houston. We are also worried that we will have trouble here in Florida from this new hurricane that they say is coming. So we may even need the money closer to home.

But Brother Archie, I have to be honest with you, people in the parish here have been talking about you, and they are not saying very nice things. They are saying that you are lazy and that you are a heathen and that is why you haven't completed the Monument of Faith yet. I don't like to repeat what they are saying because it is not very nice, but I think you should know.

I hope you complete the Monument like you say you will, and gain your full membership in the Church. That way we don't even have to worry about these tax forms, because it will be considered an internal transfer of money within the Church and the IRS can't touch that.

May The Old Gods Bless You

Meanwhile, Archie is looking ahead and asking Roger about the next stage of his membership:

Quote:

Dear Roger, thanks for your response and sponsorship advice.

Like I said, I will complete the monument in 6days time.

I have told Pastor Moses and brother Eric.

May I ask you, what is the next stage after the construction of the monument of faith?

Roger will tell him about the great adventure in store for him when he replies tomorrow.

Posted: Fri Sep 08, 2017 2:38 am

Archie is glad Eric told him what the gossip about him is:

Quote:

Good day Brother Eric, I appreciate your help. Thanks for letting me know what the church members feel about me.

I promise not to let you down, by Saturday I will complete the monument of faith and the pictures will be sent to Brother Roger and Pastor Moses.

Roger tells Archie about the last stages of the membership process:

Quote:

I hope you are able to come threw and complete the Monument of Faith like you said, cause after you do that, you are almost a member! You will just have to perform the intimation ceremony, which is very impotent but very simple, than attend a small Church conference, and that is it! You will become a full member and receive your membership bonus, and also we will be able to release the bake sale funds to you without any farther problems. Won't that be wonderful?

You may also choose to become a Reverend for us over their, in which case you will be expected to lead the Church's charity fund collections for the Africa region, which is a very impotent job. But of coarse, first you have to become a member and you haven't even completed your Monument of Faith yet! So please work hard on completing your Monument of Faith. We are all counting on you here.

Archie wants more details about the remaining stages:

Quote:

Dear Roger, it means I still have two more stages to go.

1. Can you please explain what the initiation or Intimation means and how it is done? (No, because I haven't made it up yet)

2. The church conference that I will need to attend, will I have to travel to the the United States to attend the conference? If yes, who will sponsor the trip?

Honestly, what I was told is that after the construction of the pyramid and the submittion of charity sponsorship form. The bake sale fund will be given to me.

Please don't get me wrong, I am not joining the church because of the money. (No, of course not Rolling Eyes

) But because I believe that old Gods wants me to be a member and to spread the teachings of the old Gods across Africa.

Meanwhile, my community is ravaged by flood water, lives has been lost and business and academic activities has been on hold for several months.

As my Sponsor in this membership process, you ought to be speaking for me.

By Saturday I would have completed the faith monument and send the pictures to Pastor Moses and you.
When you get to the meeting on Sunday, please tell them that I have completed my faith monument, and that they should consider my efforts so far and send me $30,000 from the money. So I can buy some food, water and medical needs for my community people that are affected by the flood.

I sincerely appreciate your help towards me in the whole process, I believe that pretty soon you I will be one of you.

Roger will answer (or perhaps unhelpfully deflect) his questions tomorrow. I am intrigued that he is swearing up and down to all of our characters that he can deliver on the monument by Saturday, which is only two days from now. I'm interested to see what we get.

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

Wow I gotta say, I wasn't really expecting this...

Quote:

Dear Pastor Moses,

My heart goes to the hurricane victims on your country, I pray that the old Gods protect them.

The faith monument is almost completed, I am building the pyramid and bench at the same time.

The pictures of the level of work is in the attachment, I will complete it tomorrow as soon as I can latest before 12pm my time and 6am your time.

I will snap it and send to you and brother Roger in the morning before the church service.
Please ensure that you check your email for my message before going to church.

So you can show it to the elders and the congregation.

I hope I am keeping my word like I promise that I am going to complete it in 7 days. It's just 5days.

The pictures of the level of work done on the monument of faith is attached in this message. Expect to the picture

Best regards

And the next day:

Quote:

I am so excited to inform you that I have completed the stage 3 of my membership process.
(Faith monument)

I promise to complete it in 7 days, but I did it in 6days. I hope I kept my to my word.

I will like you to show the pictures to the elders and church members for them to see. And to let them know that I am now a member of the glorious church of the old Gods.
And that I'm not heathen as they thought.

Please, ensure that the elders approve the stage 3 so that they can release the fund that was raised from the bake sale.

We need to start reconstruction of our community that was destroyed by the flood.

The picture of the completed faith monument is attached to this mail.

Thank you for your efforts and support.

Gotta give credit to Big X for sticking with this lad. He has been lazy and boring for months now, but the thought of losing out on money that was intended for actual flood victims convinced his lazy ass to finally build it!

Posted: Sun Sep 10, 2017 7:37 pm

Very impressive! Great job everyone! Once he finishes this, he needs to do the ritual of purification, right? The one where he has to jump from the top into a pool of water? You know what I'm talking about, right? Seriously, I hope this is only the start of a lot of fun.

Posted: Sun Sep 10, 2017 10:34 pm

Great stuff, congrats to all involved beers!

But he does need to submit a photo of him actually sitting on the bench admiring it.

Posted: Sun Sep 10, 2017 10:37 pm

I'm surprised Archie came through, but very pleased. Mr L, we may not have followed the exact modality, but I think we can add TWAT pyramids to our signatures now. Laughing

Roger tells Archie more details about the remaining stages:

Quote:

You shouldn't worry so much. You do have two more stages, but they are not that bad at all. The Monument of Faith is really the hardest part! The initiation ceremony (thank you for correcting my spelling by the way, I always get that wrong) is very simple. You just have to take a video of yourself taking the oath of a Brother in the Church.

And the conference is even easier. The Elders are holding a conference in Africa later this year, and they want all our new cavorts to come to meet them in person. I will ask Pastor Moses where it is being held this year, cause I forgot. But anyways, once your their, the Church will take care of you and put you in a nice hotel, and even pay for you to travel home in style! You don't have to worry about coming to the United State at all!

And regarding the bake sale funds, once you have completed the Monument I am sure we will be able to release the money. I am very exited to see the completed Monument tomorrow!

Oh and one more thing, this hurricane looks like it going to be very bad here. We may also have flooding and loose power. I hope you will keep us in your thoughts and preying to the Old Gods.

Archie tells Roger he is almost done:

Quote:

Dear Roger, thanks for the information about what's left to be done in the membership process.

My heart goes to the hurricane victims on your country, I pray that the old Gods protect them. (But yet he is still happy to claim relief money that is meant for them)

The faith monument is almost completed, I am building the pyramid and bench at the same time.

The pictures of the level of work is in the attachment, I will complete it tomorrow as soon as I can latest before 12pm my time and 6am your time.

I will snap it and send to you and Pastor Moses in the morning before the church service.
Please ensure that you check your email for my message before going to church.

So you can show it to the elders and the congregation.

I hope I am keeping my word like I promise that I am going to complete it in 7 days. It's just 5days.

Dear Roger, ensure that you play your role as my Sponsor while the elders see the pictures of the monument. And make the what is due to me is given. (That I can promise)

He attached the same in progress pictures that he sent to Mr L.

Then he triumphantly sends pictures of the completed pyramid:

Quote:

I am so excited to inform you that I have completed the stage 3 of my membership process.
(Faith monument)

I promise to complete it in 7 days, but I did it in 6days. I hope I kept my to my word.

I will like you to show the pictures to the elders and church members for them to see. And to let them know that I am now a member of the glorious church of the old Gods. (Not quite yet)
And that I'm not heathen as they thought.

Please, ensure that the elders approve the stage 3 so that they can release the fund that was raised from the bake sale.

We need to start reconstruction of our community that was destroyed by the flood.

The picture of the completed faith monument is attached to this mail.

Thank you for your efforts and support.

It's amazing what a motivated lad can accomplish, isn't it?

Roger will be silent for a few days, because his power is out from the hurricane. But after that he will have high praise for the lad and guide him through the final steps of his membership. Twisted Evil

Posted: Sun Sep 10, 2017 10:46 pm

Great job! It's always nice to see a new monument erected.

Posted: Sun Sep 10, 2017 10:58 pm

That's amazing! Great work.

Posted: Mon Sep 11, 2017 5:10 am

That's great! Fantastic job, congratulations! clapping

Posted: Mon Sep 11, 2017 8:43 am

The Lad can be very proud of his erection, but he'll be going limp soon enough.

Posted: Mon Sep 11, 2017 9:10 am

Wow! really wonderful - monuments of faith are not easy to achieve.

Quote:

I promise to complete it in 7 days, but I did it in 6days.

And on the seventh, he rested.

Posted: Mon Sep 11, 2017 9:36 am

Congrats for an incredible job!

419Eater is my life Joined: 11 Sep 2015 Posts: 335

What a nice monument! Congrats to everyone involved!

Posted: Mon Sep 11, 2017 10:58 am

Is that guy on the top of the "pyramid" naked?

Really great work. That bench is a lovely addition.

Posted: Mon Sep 11, 2017 11:04 am

Wow. That's awesome - well done!

Not quite a Newb Joined: 06 Apr 2016 Posts: 56

That pyramid is a thing of wonder, brings a tear to my eye.

I count 4 lads working on this. I'd love to know if he paid them, I expect they have been promised something out of the relief funds. That's serious pain when he knocks them for their wages next week.

He's going to have to get out of town for a while. If only we knew of a chain of SH hotels where a lad could go and hide at the expense of the church for a while whilst the courier brings him his cash !!

Excellent baiting Big X et al

Posted: Mon Sep 11, 2017 4:15 pm

I am afraid, Big X, it is not acceptable.

Under the principles of Feng Shui, it needs to be reoriented 7 degrees to starboard (which is to the left. . . or maybe it is to the right, I never can get that straight).

Please have him make the correction.

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

I do want to get some more information about his friends helping him. I hope that he's teaching them all about the Old Gods!

I would like to get a few more pictures of that Bench. It is a thing of beauty.

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

^ Yes, the bench is amazing! Many congrats all on getting this pyramid à la TWAT. bow_down

Elite Baiter Joined: 17 Jun 2015 Posts: 1942

Nice work. Very Happy

Don't we need some pictures of the bench in use?

I was hoping the intimation ceremony would involve glasses of milk, fishes and lads wearing ladies underwear. Laughing

Maybe instead you could get the lad to wear a cilice under his church garments, made of rusty barbed wire..... Shocked

edit to add If that lad on the pyramid is nekid, isn't that desecration and the whole thing will have to be taken down, purified and rebuilt.

Posted: Mon Sep 11, 2017 6:52 pm

^
Thought that was part of the Initiation Ceremony (standing naked atop the pyramid holding a loaf & a fish). If not then it should be Smile

Posted: Mon Sep 11, 2017 8:07 pm

Totally awesome work by team Old Gods! "And the Old Gods looked down and did grin..."

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Congrats on the monument! I have this image of archaeologists hundreds of years from now stumbling across the remains of monuments and drafting theories about the religious beliefs of ancient Africans. Personally, I am under the opinion that Stonehenge is simply the result of ancient baiters. Very Happy

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