Even More Goofy Stuff That YOU Wrote

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2016 11:58 pm

The last thread on Goofy Stuff Written By Baiters has been quiet for a while, and rather than resort to necro, here's a new thread.

Here's Mal, in Branwen's "I don't need your money" mass bait, chiding the Lad for thinking Moneygram problems would be easily settled.

Quote:

Oh you sweet summer child, you think it's so simple! Well, wake up and smell what Moneygram is shovelling, and trust me, it ain't fucking sweet marjoram. Are you getting this?

Things went bad after that, and the Lad eventually sent:

Quote:

...You need Deliverance from your Church

Mal responded with derision (he'd already sussed the Lad as being gay).

Quote:

I'm going to get on with earning an honest living; you can get on with being a lying pervert. As for "deliverance" - I bet you get "deliverance" a lot! Do you play the banjo?

Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2016 12:49 am

A Ghana Lad with an NOK format wouldn't grasp the concept of what the IRS might think of Mal claiming the money of an Iraqi businessman, and proved unable to answer questions unless pushed, so finally...

Quote:

Lad: i told you that thete is so many ways to kill a rat
Mal: ANSWER MY QUESTION!!!
Lad: so many people open a supermarket for example for their have so many dirty transaction they involve into but using the super market to cover up
Lad: you don't know this because you are not a business man but a military person
Mal: I don't want to know about your expertise in rodent extermination.
Mal: I don't want to know about how supermarkets are fronts for crime lords.
Mal: I don't want to know how ignorant you are about how much I know,
Mal: I want you to answer my question.
Mal: NOW!

Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2016 1:06 am

Explaining to a lad why his credit cards are not being charged on a daily basis:

Boaty McBoatface wrote:

I was unable to charge your cards from before, and we have been saturated by consumers lately with short hands. I am sorry. I will try the cards again tomorrow.
Thanks for your patients!

Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2016 2:52 am

Back-translation of Deniden's Russian translation, as amended, of a point in a report of a fake site pretending to be a travel agent issuing visas and work permits:

Quote:

"Sculpture law about temporary residents" is meaningless. "This corresponds to the sculpture law about temporary residents of <country> in correspondence with the Terrorist act of UN" often is encountered in scams connected with work.

I wanted to check the Russian translation with a native Russian speaker because the first phrase in quotes contains a misspelling (which has been propagated repeatedly in this kind of scam) in the original English. I've sent this point in previous reports, but this site is registered and hosted in Russia.

Posted: Thu Dec 01, 2016 10:39 am

A particularly nasty modality - using a "sick refugee boy" to extract payment for an operation - didn't impress Captain Mal.

Quote:

[If] you want to live out your retirement without having your brains turned into a new kind of instant wall art, you'd better act to save Martins Zule's life.

Posted: Mon Apr 24, 2017 10:57 pm

I'm baiting a gold lad (in French, because he's in CI) and he sent me a contract to sign, but while researching a fake site, I decided that its nameserver is fraudulent. Another site killer posted a link that has 39 other fake domains that I have to research. So I answered the gold lad:

Quote:

I would well like to sign the contract, but I don't have the time to read it carefully, for a company that makes floodproof mirror drills to export to Hungary asked me to make a huge quantity of anti-wetting shields, which will keep me busy during at least a week. I beg your patience.

For an explanation, see https://hu.wikipedia.org/wiki/Árvíztűrő_tükörfúrógép .

Not quite a Newb Joined: 04 May 2017 Posts: 25

Quote:

I am a shy girl who wants to meet her female soulmate!!! I am so happy you emailed me!!!
I am Muslim, but we Muslims are allowed to marry Christians if father appreciates them...!!!

I like your pictures!!!!!! I like ;ehds!!! Please write me bakc so we can get to know each other!

The ladette had referred to "herself" as a Christian in the opening email, so I thought I'd see if "she'd" be open to a gay Muslim lover (probably "she" will). I went ahead and conveniently skewed the "rules" on interfaith marriage (which, of course, vary greatly from person to person and denomination to denomination).

I also meant to type "legs", but made several typos and just went with them. Maybe the ladette thinks I meant "heads". Confused

Posted: Mon May 08, 2017 4:34 am

Quote:

I AM INTERESTED WHERE I MAKE PURCHASE ON FINE MADE THING SUCH. THESE BE???

To one of the THREE suicide lads over in main tonite.

And jusst now to avoid phone call...

Quote:

I dont have a phone they cause brain tumors. Cant we use email? That is what everyone here does for legitimate business. The internet be safer than phones where anyone can fake you out and rob you.

Posted: Thu May 11, 2017 3:57 am

Jean, frustrated at a puppy lad who refuses to check his mail after he sent him a WU money order, and having failed to produce the desired effect by insulting him in English, reverts to his native French:

Quote:

Espèce de fatma de prisunic à la graisse de logarithme de tonnerre de Brest! Vous ne pouvez pas accepter des chèques et des mandats-poste et des virements bancaires comme tout le monde? Allez mettre vos chiens où l'on fait des concombres amers!

Translated:

Quote:

Species of fatma of prisunic with logarithm grease of thunder of Brest! You can't accept checks and money orders and bank transfers like everybody? Go stick your dogs where they make bitter cucumbers!

The first sentence is a mishmash of Captain Haddock's insults; the last is a literal translation of a Spanish phrase, which Tururut used on another lad.

Posted: Thu May 11, 2017 4:58 am

Hoping to post this whole bait soon (the past year at least), but I told my long time lad Tim that I was unable to celebrate our third anniversary because my main birthing sow (who is named after his real name) was knocked up by a wild boar who got past the gate, and I had to find a doctor willing to do an abortion on a pig, but it required crossing state lines because aborting piglets is illegal in my state. Today, I informed him I have little money left for his anniversary gift because I spent it on a pig abortion. He seems to be taking this news in stride, and hopes I can send whatever is left. I told him I'm too distraught, as the pig died. He's being sympathetic.

Posted: Sat May 20, 2017 4:52 pm

Lad: hello
Me: hi
Lad: have you

Several minutes pass. I get bored.

Have I what? Seen a three headed monkey?
Fiddled with a banana? Robbed a bank with a watergun? Nope none of the above. But I doubt that is what you were trying to ask...

419Eater is my life Joined: 27 Jan 2015 Posts: 331

An old lad of mine who had gone silent for months just popped up with a new modality – a well-written offer to put me in contact with a London group who would give me a TWO BILLION dollar investment loan. My character Danny applied and attached this project extract:

EXTRACT: CONSTRUCTION OF FLOXITE CAPACITOR THERMOEXPLOSIVE POWER PLANT

Purchase of land (400,000 remote acres): $5 million
Excavation of 60,000 acres, 130’ depth: $400 million

Reinforcement walls:
Wadding, 2 million bushels
Rebars and concrete
Inner support beams (steel)
Sonar emergency alert system
Total: $650 million

Floxite capacitor: $200 million
Accessories: $80 million
Adaption of floxite capacitor to thermoexplosive power generation: $500 million
Repurposing of accessories: $50 million (est. 10% of adaption costs)

TOTAL EXPECTED EXPENDITURES: $1 billion, 885 million
Contingencies, insurance, safety features, technopyrics, other: $115 milliion

TOTAL PROJECTED COST: $2 billion

NOTE: Patents pending on the floxite capacitor thermoexplosive power generator (2) and the accessory repurposings (14)

It passed muster and Danny is now negotiating the interest rate with the lending group. There are also a lot of forms to fill out .. no mention of a fee yet. Danny’s income is listed as “TRUST FUND INTEREST, $128,600/ANNUALLY” so I’m expecting a whoppin’ big fee.

Btw, anyone who has a $2 billion project Mr. Green

, PM me and I will pass along the original email & reply address. This one certainly isn’t your normal loan lad.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 21 Jul 2017 Posts: 48

Told this to a lad. He fell for it hook, line, and sinker.

Quote:

Surely you heard about how the great detective John Boehner arrested all of the Corleone gang. Only Grant Larson escaped

This was to the surplus lad claiming to have a trunk at the airport in ATL. He got pissed at me for claiming to mail a WU slip to him at his "workplace" in Atlanta and not, as you might expect, for an alleged "hark" and "Dolla chop"

419Eater is my life Joined: 27 Aug 2014 Posts: 482

Quote:

There Mr Reginald,

You are advise to make efect payment imediately through moneygram

---Moneygram details were included in post---

Yours

Dr Pastor Ronald Ham
Western Union Foreign Payments Benin Republic

Western union now using moneygram to efect payments

Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2017 8:52 am

^I do believe you intended that for the Goofy Stuff That Lads Wrote thread - this is the Goofy Stuff That Baiters Wrote thread

Posted: Wed Sep 06, 2017 12:05 pm

After a transfer to a German bank failed:

Quote:

Should I try euros again, or do you know how much that is in dingisos?

Euros (wallaroos) and dingisos are members of the kangaroo family.

In response to "Which states are located in Maryland?":

Quote:

We're in the liquid state during the work week and the solid state on the Sabbath. We are very rarely located in the gaseous state.

Posted: Wed Sep 06, 2017 4:25 pm

Some from a months-long one-sided conversation where the lad never read my replies but keeps on emailing me asking for $65...

Quote:

Assface, I have an idea for you. Since you're not reading this anyway I think you should pull a Richard Gere and put a gerbil up your butt. It'll make you feel all warm and fuzzy.

Quote:

Assface, since you don't read my messages I'm going to write you a song. It sounds like "Happy Birthday"

Happy assface to you
Happy assface to you
I don't have those fucking services here and you seem to be too fucking stupid to read that and so I can say whatever I want and you won't read it
Happy assface to you

Quote:

Western union - we don't have that, assface
Moneygram - we don't have that, assface
RIA - we don't have that, assface
Enough brains in your fucking head to blow out a candle - you don't have that

Assface

Quote:

You're less useful than I thought, kinda like a bacon sandwich in a mosque.

Quote:

There was an assface from Benin
Who died with a hole in her spleen
She whined for a year
And lost everyone dear
But's still as useless as a screen door on a submarine

You gotta admit, that's fucking clever.

Assface.

Posted: Wed Sep 06, 2017 8:16 pm

A particularly stubborn Lad posing as an heiress has been turned down again and again, and 'her' latest effort to get $120 didn't merit a long answer, so I simply replied

Quote:

No.

The Lad was somehow baffled!

Quote:

What do you mean, sorry i dont understand.

So I expanded on my reply, thus.

Quote:

No means No.

Posted: Sun Oct 01, 2017 11:19 pm

Annеtte wrote:

Still pending. I don't know why it's taking so long. As I said, we could not stop by the bank; we had to eat a lot on Friday so that we could pull a fast one on Saturday, and now we're in the Atlantic catching albеrtfish.

She's referring to Yom Kippur.

Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2017 8:37 pm

Political reference ahead...

Lad:

Quote:

Madam, please this is what you need to do now, because there is a way out for me to bring the consignment box to you tomorrow

Cammy:

Quote:

You mentioned an ATM card, and mine is about 60 mm by 40 mm by 2 mm, or slightly larger than Donald Trump's hand, so it doesn't need a box to hold it!

Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2017 3:42 pm

I had made a fake business for a scam, and made a typo in telling the lad about it. Instead of ltd i put lsd. The lad called me out on it, and instead of admitting the typo I convinced him it was a new secure designation for limited partnerships.

Weeks went by.

Enter second character baiting same lad (i love to do that and then coincidentally have the characters meet later & merge the baits)

Lad sent second charachter a certificate of authenticity for something his company was selling ... And had changed name of his business to include lsd.

Posted: Thu Nov 29, 2018 1:16 pm

To a love ladette who's been proceeding through her script with no response from me until now:

Quote:

Please don't send pictures of pussies to me. Send them to Barsik.

Barsik the cat ran for mayor of Barnaul and got 91% of the vote, implying that 9% of the voters were mice.

Posted: Fri Nov 30, 2018 10:46 am

A Lad posing as a woman working with the UN tried the "get back to us when you are ready to receive your fund" modality, prompting this reply from Mal.

Quote:

Your halo's slipped, darlin. Better put it straight.

Posted: Mon Dec 03, 2018 1:47 am

Quote:

I am sad to report that your Johnson has failed to respond to me

And

Quote:

need to stand up to business

Its a lad that hasnt responded for weeks. And he did, I was in line at walmart...

Posted: Mon Dec 03, 2018 6:23 pm

This is a bait I need to publish, and I'm waiting for a lull in case the lad is doing the googles, but...

Quote:

Right now Ore has made growing marijuana legal and i have a huge property full of pig sh*t which is amazing fertilizer for marijane. i need 2 meet with a supplier this week and we are going to create a partnershipe for the land and he is paying me allot of money to let him grow on my property. i am going 2 Mexico to meet with Mr. Cartrel about the land so keep the account ready for allot of cash.

I am also sad to report that "Mr. Cartrel" has been detained at the border for a bit...

Even More Goofy Stuff That YOU Wrote	View next topic View previous topic