Sister Mary *AUDIOBOOKS* *NSFW* SAFARI UPDATE

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Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

Moses sent this around 10:30pm. It is spoofed to show a more official looking email address instead of gmail. Hopefully that will calm him down a bit.

Quote:

***NOTE! Parcel Code 0H8XG6xxxxx must be put in Subject Line of Reply Email!***

Hello, my name is Moses Mal0ne, I am the Regional Shipping Manager for GPSE in Cameroon.

I got a notification from our Customer Care Department. I understand you are currently in Douala, Cameroon to receive a package. Unfortunately, due to security concerns we had to transfer your package to our Main Secure Sorting Facility in Yaounde for additional screening. Do you have any information on the contents of the parcel? During a routine inspection one of our package handlers was seriously injured by some sort of electronic device. We are unsure if this was a malfunction with some content of the package or what exactly it was. For safety precautions the parcel has been transferred so that it can be further inspected by our Security Professionals.

It is late right now. I will check on the package status in the morning. You may need to come to Yaounde to pick up your parcel. I cannot put my package handlers at risk over any unsecured devices that you have shipped. I am upset that you would be using GPSE to ship hazardous materials that could be dangerous. The person who sent the package should have disclosed this information. I will update you in the morning.

Moses Mal0ne
GPSE Regional Manager

Posted: Mon Aug 21, 2017 9:45 pm

Although this may be jumping ahead a bit, can we send him up into Chad? I want him to visit the traditional pilgrimage location for lads. After that, Egypt! Anything is possible with this lad.I asked him for a picture earlier, but he didn't listen. I will try again tomorrow once he gives us updates. Maybe Mr. Bingo could be spotted at the border.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

He is still respectful to Penfold, so he's not on to us yet

Quote:

Sir I have been in Cameroon,but the delivery company don't exist here,I am stranded immigration felt with me,please I need a phone number of the delivery company to call

Not exactly sure what "Immigration felt with me" means. Penfold is his usual sympathetic self

Quote:

Mr. Humphere

I just returned from a vigorous day of campaigning to see your email. Why do you always come to me with your problems? What do you mean that the company does not exist there? Of course it exists there. Did you try calling them or asking for directions? Why is it that you always seem to ignore the simplest options?

VOTE PENFOLD!

We may end up needing someone to take a phone call.

eta - I have an idea as to how he can make some quick cash, but he will not like it. Twisted Evil

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 03 Aug 2017 Posts: 2

Jayhawk wrote:

eta - I have an idea as to how he can make some quick cash, but he will not like it. Twisted Evil

Make a music video of his travels....with beats. Im sure the editing on his end will be sufficient.

Lyrics anyone?

I have someone in mind Big Lake

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Penfold brightens his morning

Quote:

Hello Mr. Humphere. How are you today? Are you feeling better? Did you finally find the facility and pick up your money? Would you like to apologize to me for the nasty email you sent last night?

I have a very busy day today. I did not realize that running for governor would be so hard. This afternoon I have to go give a speech and open a new strip mall and this evening I have a $5,000 s plate fundraiser to host. I am excited as the Detroit Rocker himself, Mr. Bob Seger, will be attending. I am going to see if he will write a song for my campaign.

Still no word on Bingo so enjoy your money and don't go home. It really is not safe.

VOTE PENFOLD

Posted: Tue Aug 22, 2017 1:03 pm

He's apparently too busy to write, which is too bad. I want to hear how his vacation is going.

From the Inspector:

Quote:

The esteemed Mr Ny*sh,

What a shit show I tell you. We went to get Nelson at the orphanage and the fucker is gone. Just gone. No clue. Gone. No one knows a thing of course. I've been following leads the last few days but nothing. Gone. Shit.

I've also intercepted a few emails from the Snorky Boys who apparently know your whereabouts which is amazing since I don't even know where the fuck you are anymore. Anyway, be on the lookout Ny*sh. We are certain they have men in Nigeria watching you.

If you get any more info from Fellatio or know about Nelson's whereabouts, get that to me immediately! No fucking clue how this is all happening on my island!

Since Nelson is the only one who knows Sister Mary's email password, it's going to be a few days for her to figure out how to reset it. The lad sends her an email anyway...

Quote:

Madam how are you today? How is the children and miss Connie? I am writing to extend the blessings of god to you all.thank you

And finally, Penfold's first ad apparently aired and it was outstanding. Reporterette Jenna praises...

Quote:

The latest ad for Mr Penfold's election campaign aired today and it is phenomenal! It features you and a number of Nigerians campaigning for Penfold and I'm wondering what your thought are on how the campaign is going? How do you think people in Michigan will respond to this great ad? And do you think it will be enough to tip the election in Penfold's favor?

I do appreciate your response!

Sure hope he had a pleasant evening. Vacations can be tiring after a while.

ETA -- I have fixed the very first page of this bait to better index the videos which are scattered about. If his most recent video disappears, here's the vimeo link: https://vimeo.com/230611456

Posted: Tue Aug 22, 2017 4:52 pm

I love this quote:

Quote:

Bro not only border every were in that poor country,they are so wicked.

I'm glad he's having a good time. I'm urging him to go to Yaounde soon.

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

Quote:

Good day i have been inform that my package is in yauonde cameroon. Please I am in Cameroon now and I need the address and phone number of your office youande in Cameroon.

Looks like he's ready to travel to Yaounde.

Quote:

Hello sir,

I need to know your current location sir? Your package has been inspected and approved for pickup. It is currently in Yaounde. You can pick it up at any time during regular business hours at our Yaounde facility.

I am also sending your contact information to one of my package handlers, Wolfgang Bro0ks. He is your delivery person. Feel free to reach out to him as well. His personal email is <snip>.

Posted: Tue Aug 22, 2017 7:59 pm

My newest character, poor Wolfgang doesn't know what awaits him...

Quote:

Dear Sir,

My name is Wolfgang Br0oks and I am in charge of the delivery of your package here in Yaounde. Master Malone say you travel here from afar and to help you best way possible and I intend to do such. Our office in Yaounde lie just north of Reunification Monument and south Musee National near the Amusement Park. Best way if you are unfamiliar is you let me know when you get to Reunification Monument - it is very easy to find - and I come get you and bring you over to get your package.

I do deliveries most days so this email best way to reach me. It is late now so I am on my way home but Master Malone say to give you special treatment after package apparently mishandled.

Please do inform me when you expect to arrive in Yaounde so I can prepare my delivery schedule as needed.

Wolfie is new and doesn't really know his way around Cameroon at all. Just like me. With Bingo headed this way, I fear his fate has already been sealed. But, we'll see!

Meanwhile, Sister Mary's email is finally fixed. She's back to her old self!

Quote:

Oh my dear sweet Mr Hump Here,

I very sorry as I could not access my email for a few days. Orphan Nelson have my password but apparently he take a job on the mainland for the remainder of the year so Miss Connie help me set up a new password. But don't worry as it is very tricky and there is no anthony in the world that will ever guess it!

We had wonderful guest reader come this weekend and read some of the Brother Grimm tales which be just wonderful indeed if I may so so. Even Orphan Vulva the Pokey say well golly Sister Mary Margaret hath thine readings ever becommest much improved and forever thy wishest thy tomes extend as such into the hereafter and thus beyond. Isn't that just wonderful? I not know why I ask you as I know you would say why yes indeed Sister Mary, it is absolutely wonderful of course it is.

But it starting to be the end of summer nearabouts and even some of the trees already start to change. I have not yet heard if you receiveth our wonderful gifts my orphans sent you but if so I hope you enjoy them. My favorite one is Orphan Calliope great craft and I am sure you know which one that is by now. You do take care Mr Hump Here!

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Quote:

Mr. Feathers wants Mr. Muttley to tell Mr. Humphere that Mr. Feathers will soon be breaking out of jail and Mr. Feathers does not want Mr. Bingo to have all the fun so Mr. Feathers will be going to Africa when he escapes to deal with Mr. Humphere personally. Mr. Feathers has tracking spell on Mr. Humphere so Mr. Humphere can run but Mr. Humphere cannot hide.

For the past month he has not responded to Muttley, so hopefully this one will get him back engaged.

Posted: Tue Aug 22, 2017 10:27 pm

He's definitely getting the emails and reading them. There is no doubt of that, but I don't think he wants to respond to the emails. At one point he even asked me if he should switch email accounts to throw them off. I can't wait to see what happens with this. At some point, maybe tomorrow, it would be interesting to tell him that a Snorky has spotted him in Cameroon, and that he will be killed in 24 hours if he does not hide. Are there any webcams in Douala or Yaounde? I want to see him on camera panicking, and we still need proof of safari.

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

He claims to be in Yaounde now.

Quote:

Mr moses I waited for your email yesterday please I am in Yaoundé now,I don't have much time here in Cameroon as I will be going back to Nigeria.please email me your office address andphone number,I am waiting urgently

I think he's probably telling the truth, but we still need a picture are something to verify that he's actually there.

Quote:

Good morning sir,

I am glad to read your email that you are in Yaounde. I do not start my work shift until later this afternoon, but Wolfgang should be in this morning. Have you contacted him yet? I have notified him that you are traveling from out of town and to meet with you as soon as he is able. He will have a morning delivery route that he will need to complete, but then he should be deliver to you.

Perhaps the simplest thing would be to have him meet you at the Reunification Monument near the office. Since you are out of town that will be an easy location to find. Everyone in the city knows where it is. Once you get there, snap a picture of yourself in front of the monument and send it to Wolfgang. Your package requires identity verification, so please send him that picture and also make sure you have your photo ID when you meet with him for delivery.

Thank you for using our service.

Moses Malone
GPSe Regional Manager

Hopefully Wolfgang gets this right...

Posted: Wed Aug 23, 2017 6:36 am

"... Once you get there, snap a picture of yourself in front of the monument and send it to Wolfgang..."

LOLOL!
Fantastic bait! clapping

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Quote:

Sir they are breaking feathers out soon,that is what nelson told me now

Quote:

Did Nelson by any chance say where he is? We need to get to that kid and soon!

Oh Mr. Humpherere, what a wonderful time it was last night. That Mr. Seger is such a wonderful man. He got the Silver Bullet Band back together just for my campaign! Can you believe that? And oh, the food. Most delicious food I've ever had in my life. We also raised a million dollars for my campaign for Governor so all in all it was a tremendous evening.

By the way, just so you know, the current Governor has decided to remove the warding on the criminal Feathers' cell. He says it is a waste of taxpayer money. The fool! He's playing his political games trying to make me look bad.

And how are you? Enjoying a cold drink and a well earned vacation I bet.

VOTE PENFOLD

Posted: Wed Aug 23, 2017 11:36 am

Wolfie is going to do his best!

Quote:

Siri am humphere am coming from Nigeria to pick my parcel in your youande facility,I am in youande now please email me the correct address of your office in youander and phone number,please I am waiting for your urgent response

Unfortunately, waking up at 7:30 my time is mid afternoon there.

Quote:

Yes sir, my sincerest apologies as I'm out on deliveries north of the city. I am on my way back now and should be in the city within 2 hours. If you meet me at the Reunification Monument, I can pick you up and take you to our office. It is located north of Reunification, south of Musee National near the Amusement Park and is clearly marked but difficult to see from the street. Advise when you are at the monument.

I have complete confidence he'll get his package later today and we can all go home happy.

Meanwhile, to the Inspector:

Quote:

Sir feathers is going to be break out soon,that was what nelson told me now

Quote:

The Esteemed Mr Ny*sh,

I thank you for the warning, but he's in a maximum security cell. Unfortunately the current governor pulled most of the guards in an effort to embarrass Penfold, but I feel very confident it would take a small nuclear device to break him out of there.

Any word on Nelson's location? We're out of leads and nothing to go on.

Fuck me it's too early to deal with shit this morning. I need more coffee. Hope you're having a better day so far.

Silence to reporterette Jenna. Too bad as she was about to send some naked selfies.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Yes. What could possibly go wrong

Posted: Wed Aug 23, 2017 3:04 pm

Hmm... He usually emails back pretty fast. Silence today. Must be out of the coverage area, or he's out of battery, or local wifi sucks. How is Wolfie supposed to find him?

I looked it up - Lagos to Yaounde is 21 hours on the roads. Maybe he's just napping.

From Wolfgang:

Quote:

Sir, I am at the monument now. Are you nearby? I can stay for about 30 minutes before my evening route begins.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Could he make it to Yaoundé in one day? Not sure why he would lie to us but that was a quick trip

Posted: Wed Aug 23, 2017 5:08 pm

He probably left before he told us. As long as he arrives, then we can push on getting him stranded in the countryside somewhere. Hopefully he gets us concrete proof of safari soon.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

It looks like he missed Wolfie. Damn

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Feathers is out of jail and wants to tell the lad all about it. My chat request is not answered. So either he does not have internet access or he is sleeping or he twigged. Feathers sends him a message from his usual Feathers account and not the one he was using in jail, in which all his messages were in Latin

Quote:

howdy enema

y yu not want 2 chat wit me??? i is out of jale now and i wants 2 tel yu al abot it enema???

Our hero has also not emailed Penfold today. I'm sure when he comes back online he will have a story to tell.

Posted: Wed Aug 23, 2017 10:14 pm

I really doubt he would twig at this point. I'm guessing his phone ran out of power, and he hasn't been able to find a way to charge it. It's a shame that he's going to miss out on all of the fun stuff happening. I don't think he's staying in a 5-star hotel or anything with room service, marble bathtubs, and gold-plated toilet seats; he may actually be sleeping on the streets or something. He said he didn't have any money when he arrived in Douala, and if he managed to make it to Yaounde, I'm pretty sure that he's out. Also, even though he typically stays up pretty late African time, he may not want to during safari, so tomorrow I'm sure he will get us something.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Penfold just got an email from him

Quote:

Sir i am in Cameroon and the address the de
Sir nelson has not told me were he is,but sister Mary said he has taking a job at mainland,also I am happy your campaign is getting good everyday,I am still in Cameroon trying to get the package,and the weather is too cool unlike what we have in nigeria.I nearly frooze to death last night,but Cameroon people are not nice they are very wicked sir

He nearly frooze to death? I don't understand how this delivery company stays in business. Have they ever successfully delivered a package? Very Happy

Quote:

Mr. Humphere I am saddened to hear that you are still in Cameroon. I thought you would be on the French Riviera by now with a drink in one hand and a beautiful woman on your lap. What the fuck is the problem and where in Cameroon are you? Is there anything I can do to help? Do I need to call Donnie?

VOTE PENFOLD!

Posted: Wed Aug 23, 2017 11:29 pm

Wolfie gets a message...

Quote:

Sir I the police delayed my car that I am coming with.please I am close and as early as 9am or 10 am I will be there,please can you email me phone number to call you once am there please it will make it easy for me in the mornin

Ah, but poor Wolfie has gone home for the evening. Maybe tomorrow. Hope he doesn't freeze to death again.

I was with Jayhawk, I thought he may have twigged. Not yet...

To the inspector:

Quote:

Sir sis Mary said nelson took a job at the mainland

Do I need to explain everything?

Quote:

Yes, that is what we told Mary Margaret. The less she knows about the truth the better. Please don't fuck it up this time. She needs to be in good spirits to raise those orphans.

Now if you get any real info into his whereabouts, you let me know right away.

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

Quote:

I nearly frooze to death last night,but Cameroon people are not nice they are very wicked sir

What a shame. Laughing

He's trying to make sense out of my request...

Quote:

Mr moses my battery is low and might trip off,why can't I come straight to your office for any verification instead of snapping my self close to your office?

Moses is just trying to be helpful:

Quote:

Yes, but our office might be difficult to locate to someone who is out of town. This is why we suggested that you wait at the Monument, it is very close to the office and easy to find. Just let Wolfgang know when you get there. Where are you now? I understand you are now in Yaounde, but where exactly are you? If you are at the Monument now, just let Wolfgang know and he will come for you.

He really wants a phone number:

Quote:

I will be there in the morning 9or 10in the morning,I don't want to stand there waiting to get email from you or your guy,please give a number to call once am there

I'm not entirely sure where he is. Wouldn't surprise me if he were still in Douala, but he might be in Yaounde. I think he would just go to the monument if he was there though.

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