Bunyips and Fake Banks: Wang Qin I, II, III and IV (UPDATE)

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Posted: Sat Aug 28, 2004 8:48 pm

EDIT: this post was retro-formatted for ease of reading.

This was my very first bait. So if you note procedural errors, that's why. Incidentally, feel free to PM me about them anyway. I can always use tips.
-Zapmaster

A note on dates: This bait begins on the 27th of July and ends more or less exactly one month later. I may attempt to revive it yet, but I don't anticipate much luck. Though I may rebait him with a different character.

All emails are in quotes. His are in bold text. My comments are shown in plain text. Emphasis in mine is shown with italics. Fun bits in the mails are underlined.

Another note: this bait is heavy on four-letter words. You have been warned.

In any case, let the bait begin!
This is the original scam letter. It originated from

Quote:

FROM THE DESK OF:
MR.,
BANK OF CHINA (Hong Kong)
QINHUANGDAO BRANCH
REPUBLIC OF CHINA.

Dear sir

I am Mr., Bank Manager, Bank of China (Hong Kong) , Qinhuangdao branch, R.O.C. I have urgent and very confidential business proposition for you.

On June 6, 1998, a British Oil consultant/contractor with the Chinese Solid Minerals Corporation, Mr. Smith Lawrence made a numbered time (Fixed) Deposit for twelve calendar months, valued at US$30,000,000.00 (Thirty Million Dollars) in my branch. Upon maturity, I sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no reply. After a month, we sent a reminder and finally we discovered from his contract employers, the Chinese Solid Minerals Corporation that Mr. Smith Lawrence died from an automobile accident. On further investigation, I found out that he died without making a WILL, and all attempts to trace his next of kin was! fruitless.

I therefore made further investigation and discovered that Mr. Smith Lawrence did not declare any kin or relations in all his official documents, including his Bank Deposit paperwork in my Bank. This sum of US$30,000,000.00 is still sitting in my Bank and the interest is being rolled over with the principal sum at the end of each year. No one will ever come forward to claim it.
According to Laws of Republic of China, at the expiration of 6(six) years, the money will revert to the ownership of the Chinese Government if nobody applies to claim the fund.

Consequently, my proposal is that I will like you as a foreigner to stand in as the next of kin to Mr. Smith Lawrence so that the fruits of this old man's labor will not get into the hands of some corrupt government officials. This is simple, I will like you to provide immediately your full names and address so that the attorney will prepare the neces! sary documents and affidavits that will put you in place as the next of kin. We shall employ the services of an attorney for drafting and notarization of the WILL and to obtain the necessary documents and letter of Probate/administration in your favor for the transfer. A bank account in any part of the world that you will provide will then facilitate the transfer of this money to you as the beneficiary/next of kin. The money will be paid into your account for us to share in the ratio of 90% for me and 10% for you.

There is no risk at all as all the paperwork for this transaction will be done by the attorney and my position as the Branch Manager guarantees the successful execution of this transaction. If you are interested, please reply immediately via the private email address above.
Upon your response,I shall then provide you with more details and relevant documents that will help you understand the Transaction. Please send me your confidential telephone and fax numbers for easy communication.

Please observe utmost confidentiality, and rest assured that this transaction would be most profitable for both of us because I shall require your assistance to invest my share in your country.

Awaiting your urgent reply
Thanks and regards,

Mr.

My reply; this is Bruce �s first appearance.

Quote:

G�day mate,

the name�s Bruce, Bruce . Me mates call me Bruce.

Now I can�t really see why you�d be calling me about something this shit-hot, but geez, I�d love to give it a whirl. I gotta tell you something right now though � I don�t know this bloke you�re talking about, and I�m sure he�s no relation of mine. So if you can find some next of kin, that�d be bloody excellent.

Otherwise, shit yeah. Lay it on me brother.

Bruce
Project Manager (Kangaroos & Bunyips)
Exports Incorporated

He sent his reply twice; he�s anxious (this one came from: )
The title was: RESPOND TO MY ALTERNATIVE MAIL BOX ONLY!!!

Quote:

Dear Bruce ,

I received your email and I wish to thank you immensely for your response. I hope this will turn out be a long and lasting bussiness relationship together.This transaction is 100% safe and legal as you'll get to see as we go along, all procedures leading to the transfer of the funds to your local account or through our correspondent bank has to be secured with strict adherence to statutory provision of the law. As soon as the machinery to commence is set in motion, all the proof and copies of the documentation shall be sent to you in the course of the transaction and as at when due.

Due to the very sensitive nature of this pending transaction, please bear with me if I am being a little vague at this early stage as I am as skeptical as you are with communicating with a total stranger, but please be rest assured that the funds will be backed up with documents stating the origin of the fund and that it being funds for an inheritance going by the documents that will be secured, you will not have anything to worry about. It is a given thing that trusts is earned, it is not given out lightly, however, because of my dire need for a foreign partner in this transaction, I request your assistance to pose/ stand as the next of kin to the beneficiary of the estate of the deceased and all that is contained in the Will as shall be drafted and prepared by a notary public attroney. The WILL and other supporting legal documents shall establish you legally as the next of kin and sole beneficiary and executor of the estate and WILL of the deceased.

For this, I urge you to propose a reasonble percentage of the total funds as your share and as an _expression of my gratitude for your assistance and partnership, thus encouraging you to guaranty that my share of the funds will be secured and transferred to me as when required. I shall require some information and a brief profile of yourself and upon receipt of the information, I shall immediately begin the processes which will lead to the approval and release of the funds to you as the bonafide executor and next of kin of the depositor going by the documents that will be secured. After all the necessary documentation for the funds release are met and satisfied, an approval shall be given by the legal department of my bank for the eventual release of the funds to your nominated local account, or via our accredited correspondent bank. When the funds gets to the correspondent bank and into a account with the bank that you shall be required to open, you can transfer the money to your local account or any other account at your convinience and transfer a certain percentage of my share of the funds to me through an account that I shall give to you at that time. Please note also that the funds can be transferred to your local account if we meet the requirement for the direct transfer. I shall equally require your assistance in advising me on good investment opportunities in your country as I might invest the remaining part of my share of the funds in your country for the obvious security reason that might be breached if we come to back to my country with my share of the funds.

It is my hope that the funds can be transferred into your account within ten (10) banking days from the date you provide me with the information that I need to prepare the documents, but for now, I need to ascertain your ability to control and safe guard a large sum of money and guarantee that I shall get my share of the funds from you as soon as you receive the money in your account, I need to following from you:

Your full name and address;
Your confidential telephone and fax numbers:
A brief profile of yourself:

I might be able to contact you via telephone and once I clarify your willingness and ability to proceed with the transaction, I shall immediately give more insight as to what is expected of you for this transaction to come true. You may send me an e-mail with further information about yourself so that I can provide you w ith the rest details for us to proceed further. Should you decide not to render this assistance, it will be taken in good faith as this will enable me source for another person in the event of non-interest on your part.

Kind regards,
Mr. .
Taipei, Taiwan.

Ps: I am a parent with 4 children and a wife, I can not do anything that will keep me away from them so be rest assured. All you need to know as regards my bank and other detailed information shall be brought to your attention during the course of this transaction.

I decide to rattle his cage a bit.

Quote:

Dear Mr Quin Wang, or Wang Quin, or however your bloody name works,

Listen mate, I've had a hard night. I don't need this shit. The fuckin' bunyips got out of the yard last night and we were up half the night mustering the little bastards up again by torchlight. So when I arc up my computer, what do I get but two (count 'em - TWO) copies of your silly fuckin' email telling me to bloody well reply only to your alternative mail box - WHAT fuckin' alternative mail box? You haven't fuckin' well given me one! The only bloody email address on the whole fuckin' email is the one I'm replying to.

So send me a fuckin' alternative email address or stop bending my ear about it. I've got more important things to worry about. Like who let the fuckin' bunyips loose. And then there's fuckin' Daryl. Daryl the drop-bear. Fuckin' little menace, hangs around in the rafters, looking to drop on your head and rip your throat out. Little bugger doesn't try it on me, 'cause he knows what he'll get if he tries. Never should've let Sheeza adopt the furry little bastard.

As for the dollars, we're talking US, right? Sounds bloody all right to me. All I gotta do is say I'm that whatsisface, Lawrence's next of kin? Sure. I can be his sister's aunt's grandmother's second cousin twice removed if it'll get me the dollars. And percentage ... well shit, I reckon 20% will do me nicely. Out of 30 mill', that comes to what, 6 million US smackeroonies? A bloody nice earn, no matter if you put it in poncy bloody Euros or Kiwi dollars. As a famous man once said: I'll be in that.

And now for some tricky questions. Bruce has noticed something�

Quote:

Oh yeah, just one other thing. In your first mail, you said something about six years and it's down the gurgler. According to your figures, he established that fund just a touch over six years ago. So are you sure it's still all there and hasn't been snarfed by the good ol' government already? And what about the interest it's been gaining all this time? You weren't planning to hold that back from my 20% were you, me old china plate? What was the interest rate, was it compound or simple, and what's the current balance?

Looking forward to your reply, Quin ol' mate ol' pal ol' buddy.

You will notice I have a proper signature now.

Quote:

Bruce
Project Manager (Kangaroos and Bunyips)
Exports
"Mfondh uoniie guenca ur-ekd."

Mr is not at all impressed with me. I love how he tells me to use correct English.

Quote:

Hello Bruce,

Greetings to you! I just received your mail and i am not impressed with your wirte up to me at all.I am a responsible man with a family and i feel very insulted with the way you send me your mail so please try your possibl best to construct your english very well before sending insultive words.

Meanwhile, i am alright with the 20% and the money is still here in my bank and thst is why i am contacting you to enable us start excuting this transaction on time.

I need you to send me the require informations to enable us proceed with this transaction properly,

Your full name and address;
Your confidential telephone and fax numbers:
A brief profile of yourself:

As regards the allternative mail box you can respond to this mail box,i await your urgent response.

Regards,
.

And so I start ladling on the BS.

Quote:

G'day Quin me old china plate,

You want to know about me? Sure, no problem. I got no wife, no kids, and my oldies are in Perth. First name Bruce, last name . My home address isn't gonna be much use to you, because frankly I'm stuck out in the middle of the bloody desert. The mail plane comes by once a week if we're lucky, and if it starts raining, that's buggered too.

As for me ringing you up, or you ringing me, I gotta knock that on the head too. See, we've only got one line out of here, a dedicated satellite link. All of our computer uplinks go out that line, and if some bludger wanted to interrupt the computers for a private phone call, the boss would kick him up the arse big time. So no go.

I'd give you the fax number, but that'd be a non-starter too. See, the fax machine's been no earthly use to man or beast since the bloody drop-bear shat in it. I mean, have you ever seen a drop-bear? It's the big brother to a koala, only carnivorous and strong as buggery. Eats meat as well as eucalyptus leaves, and mate, you reckon shit stinks, you've never bloody been downwind of a drop-bear's droppings. We could send faxes, I guess, but you'd have to read around the fuckin' great splodge of spread-out Daryl turd in the middle of the document.

(not an excuse you�ve seen before, I�m sure�)

Quote:

On the upside, we've got another one on order. Trouble is, it's gonna have to come up by way of the mail plane - and that's likely to take three days short of fuckin' forever. At the moment, we're making do with a scanner and a printer.

So, Quin me old mate, it looks like email's the order of the day. Besides, it's the most secure. I don't want some of these hungry buggers around here getting any idea of what I'm after, or they'd be on my back and looking for their cut. Fuck that. Let them get their own six bloody million dollars.

Talking about hungry buggers, you wanted a profile. Well, here are the people I work with:

Hugh David Hugh: the boss. Owner of Exports. His father's Welsh.
: my personal secretary. Gotta keep this secret from her.
Michael Dundee: my office assistant. Him too.
Stee Von Irwin: my field assistant. Mad keen on the wildlife.

So what else do you need, Quin me old mate? Tell you what, I'm fangin' for that 6 million. What else needs doing?

Reiterating the questions (sometimes you have to do that)

Quote:

And just by the way, you never did get back to me about the problem with the dates: if Mr Lawrence Smith established the fund in June of 1998, how come now that it's one month over six years done (July of 2004) the government hasn't already taken it?

And how much was the interest and current total amount at the moment again?

Anxiously awaiting your reply,

Bruce
Project Manager (Kangaroos & Bunyips)
Exports, Incorporated
"Mfondh uoniie guenca ur-ekh"
(Translated from the Welsh: Always be proud of who you are)

I got this on the 29th of July. He�s very anxious to proceed.

Quote:

Hello Bruce,

Thanks for your prompt and the brief profile of yourself now i am very confident of your willingness to assit with this transaction.

As regards your question about the dates the government is not yet aware of the money at the moment they are going to find out at the end of the year when preparing their budget for the year 2005.As for the interest it was WILLED to the orphanage home so it is tyhe $30 Million US Dollars that we have in our possesion.

Hmm, now there�s a will where there wasn�t one before?

Quote:

Find attachment for the specimen application form fill, sign and send back immediately.This will enable me make a formal appplication the the legal department of my bank for the realease of the funds aand it will be sent to the attorney that will start preparing the legal documents that will make you the sole beneficairy of the funds.

I await your urgent response.

Regards,
Wang.

The form in question arrives (see below). However, I decide that Bruce never got it � at least, in readable format. Why should things be this easy?

Quote:

To: The Manager,
FROM THE DESK OF:
MR.,
BANK OF CHINA(Hong Kong)
QINHUANGDAO BRANCH
REPUBLIC OF CHINA

Date: .

Dear Sir,

LETTER OF CLAIM AS BENEFICIARY AND RECIPIENT.

I refer to the fixed deposit with certificate no: BOOC/A4-7-02/FDM of June 6th, 1998 and wish to attach my claim as it refers, to the deposit of the sum of US$30,000,000.00 (Thirty Million United States Dollars), made by my late confidant, Mr. Smith Lawrence with the payment of the same due to me as the bonafide next of kin and executor of the Will.

I thus, introduce myself as the beneficiary and recipient of the estate so vividly described above as a result of the death of the depositor and as seen in his Last Will and Testament registered in accordance with the laws of the Republic of China at the Taiwan High Court, Tainan. Kindly use your good office to act in favour of this application by forwarding the sum due to me through the following particulars and bank co ordinates:

Personal Information
Full Name:
Present address;
Address as at 24th November 1998:
Telephone number:
Fax number:
E mail address:

Bank Co ordinates
Bank name:
Bank address:
Account name:
Account Number:
Your ABA number and swift code if any:

Please find attached, my valid identification and a copy of the Last Will and Testament of Late Mr. Smith Lawrence for reference. Also attached, is a copy of affidavit/letter of probate in line with your company policy for your conviction and kind approval.

Yours faithfully,

Name and Signature.

Me writing back, not a care in the world.

Quote:

G'day Quin,
Thanks mate, you just gave me a warm feeling all over.

By the way, how's your wife and kids? How old are they and what are their names? I haven't got married yet (if ever) but geez is my girlfriend (her name's Fanny Freckle) gonna be rapt when I tell her I'm a bloody squillionaire.

And thanks for that explanation too. It really settled my mind, I was halfway thinking you might be some kind of scam artist. But it all makes sense now, thanks for putting my mind at rest.

Things are settling down a bit around here. I made put Daryl outside today - shit, the racket he put up! I thought the bloody emus were gonna bolt. Did I tell you about the emus? Bloody bunyips are too fast on their feet for horses to keep up, so we muster the little buggers on emus. They're a little wobbly when you're first learning to ride them, but you soon learn to lean into the corners. And kick! They can kick a bloody dingo right across the paddock! My favorite's called Matilda. She's a little stroppy in the mornings, but I give her something to eat (she'll do anything for a bit of sugarcane) and by the time she realizes what's going on, she's saddled up and ready to go. Good as gold all day, that old girl.

One other thing, mate. What specimen application? I got some sort of attachment, but all that was on it was about half a page of gibberish. Sort of what you'd get if you let the cat camp on the bloody keyboard. Oh yeah, one single solitary word in English - "Republic". And that was it. It didn't get translated to Chinese on the way over or something did it?

Trust me mate, I'm all for filling out the application form and getting this sorted out once and for all (forget mustering bunyips then - I'm going to the Gold Coast!)

I've got every trust in you to sort this out. Reckon you could make it quick? We've got a big muster on tomorrow.

Hoo-roo,

Bruce
Project Manager (Kangaroos & Bunyips)
Exports, Incorporated
"Mfondh uoniie guenca ur-ekh"
(Translated from the Welsh: Always be proud of who you are)

Is he even reading my mails?

Quote:

Hello Bruce,

Thanks for your correspondence.I am anxiously waiting for you to send the form back so that we can proceed with this transaction.

Regards,
Wang

I pin his ears back a bit. I also send him the �scrambled� document.

Quote:

G'day Quin,

Look mate, there's no bloody way on earth I can send you any bloody form in the shape you sent me. I mean, look at the bloody thing! Fuckin' gibberish from end to end! I thought I told you yesterday what I got - well if my word isn't bloody well good enough for you, then have a bloody gander at this!

I told you yesterday I was waiting on you to re-send the bloody form. Are you going to do that or not? I can't wait all bloody day - we're saddling the emus in two hours, two and a half tops. If you don't get back to me by then, I might be away a day, day and a half.

So reckon you could send me the form again? Properly this bloody time?

Returning your form as requested, but don't bloody expect to make any bloody sense out of it.

Bruce
Project Manager (Kangaroos & Bunyips)
Exports, Incorporated
"Mfondh uoniie guenca ur-ekh"
(Translated from the Welsh: Always be proud of who you are)

(the attachment)

Quote:

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Looks like he got the message at last. He�s resending the form.

Quote:

Hello Bruce,
Find attachment for the application form.

Regards,
Wang.

Time for Bruce to have an 'accident'.

Quote:

From: Ms
To: Mr

Dear Sir,

I am contacting you on behalf of Mr Bruce , whom I believe was doing some sort of business with you. Mr was injured in a riding accident yesterday. He was picked up in due course by the Royal Flying Doctor service, and is currently recovering in Mt Isa Base Hospital.

The details of the accident are, as yet, sketchy. However, it is clear that he was injured when he fell off his mount at some speed; he has sustained a slight concussion, a mild fracture of the ulna (right forearm) and severe lacerations to his right hip. While he was not the most lucid due to his injuries, he did insist that I contact you and let you know what has happened.

Please understand that, although Mr is currently unable to perform any business-related matters, he is in no danger whatsoever, and is expected to make a speedy and complete recovery. We have been informed that he will be able to leave the hospital in another three to four days.

In the meantime, I remain,

Yours,

Ms
Personal Secretary: Mr Bruce
Project Manager (Kangaroos & Bunyips)
Exports Inc.
"Mfondh uoniie guenca ur-ekd."

replies politely. This may be a mistake�

Quote:

Dear Ms Sheeza,

Thanks for your mail.Please do extend my greetings to Mr Bruce tell him that i am very sorry about his health and i am seriously praying for his speed recovery.Just tell i said it shall be well with and he sholud get well soon.

Regards,
Wang.

Sheeza is on to something�

Quote:

Dear Mr ,
Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I have to admit that I had almost entirely forgotten about you, since I had to send out over 30 emails explaining the reason for Mr 's absence.

However, since you did reply, I have found myself wondering exactly what sort of business that it was you were conducting with my employer; as his personal secretary, it is part of my job to help him arrange business matters. Mr still being in hospital, I could not very well ask him. Fortunately, when Mr wanted me to let you know about his accident, he could not recall your email address, and thus had to give me the password to his private email account.

Reading back through the emails to do with you has been most educational, Mr Wang. If I am to understand what has transpired, you are offering Mr a twenty-percent share in thirty million dollars US, a sum that (of course) amounts to six million dollars. A handsome sum indeed. You go on to state that the interest gathered over six years is not counted in this total, due to being willed to an orphanage house.

Mr Wang, who exactly do you think you are fooling?

Is she on to him?

Quote:

In your very first email, you declared that Mr Lawrence Smith had died intestate, and thus his money was not willed to anyone. Nor did you mention the existence of any orphanage house. I do not personally believe that there is any such. In fact, I believe that you are misleading my employer with the deliberate aim to defraud him.

Of course, this is entirely understandable, given the amounts involved. Should the interest rate for the rollover be even a conservative 5% per annum, this would garner an interest total of US$10.2 million at the end of six years, bringing the total (principal plus interest) to slightly more than forty million dollars US. Very tempting, given the situation. Why indeed let the partner know that there is ten million more than originally stated? Let him think he is getting 20% of 30 million rather than 15% of 40 million. It's all the same to him.

However, given the knowledge that you are indeed defrauding my employer of a share in the interest, I have just one thing to say:

I want my cut.

My terms are simple. I require 10% of the principal, plus half of the interest. Given the estimate of 5%, this nets me 8 million US (you can keep the $100,000 if you wish); of course, if I guessed low, I get more. But before you start complaining, remember that you still get the other half, as well as the other US$24 million. Enough to live on, surely.

In addition, I will need the following documents emailed to me as soon as possible:

1) the original papers detailing the account setup, including the interest rate
2) some sort of identification document to prove to me that you are who you say you are
3) a photograph of you, holding a sign showing the name of the company I work for ("") so that I can verify the identification document

Until I get these, your negotiations with Mr will proceed no further. He is not due back from hospital for another few days, so I am confident that we will be able to finalize our arrangements before he does so.

And may I remind you, should you consider refusing my entirely reasonable offer, I am definitely in a position to reveal your perfidy to Mr . I am sure that he would not be overly happy to find out that you have lied to him.

On the other hand, there is enough money there for all of us to live a long and happy life, as far away from each other as possible.

Yours,

Ms
Personal Secretary: Mr Bruce
Project Manager (Kangaroos & Bunyips)
Exports Inc.
"Mfondh uoniie guenca ur-ekd."

It appears that Mr does not like being blackmailed. (Note also how his English breaks down here)

Quote:

Dear ,

I just received your mail.You know what I hink about you? You are just a thief who is trying to reap where you did not sow.I don�t have any dealings with you.I only respondee to you because you mentioned Mr �s name.So I ould advice I to stop sending me any other mail because I don�t know wgat you are talking about.I am only dealing with Mr Bruce and he did not tell me about any of his secetary OK.

Sheeza attempts to push harder.

Quote:

My dearest Mr Wang,

It appears that you have not been paying very close attention at all.

This is a bad thing. It means that I have to waste time educating you, and Mr could tell you just how much I hate to waste time.

If you refer to Mr 's email to you, titled "Re: FURTHER DETAILS" and dated 29 July, you will find in the list of people that Mr works with:

: my personal secretary. Gotta keep this secret from her.

That, my dear Mr Wang, is myself. I am the person who adopted the drop-bear and named it Daryl (and yes, this is the same drop-bear that rendered the fax machine unworkable with its excreta). Are we on the same page yet, Mr Wang?

Also, take note that I am not only Mr Bruce Goanna's private secretary, but also the first person who gets into the office in the morning. With my newfound access to his private email, I am well able to check his inbox and delete any mails that you may send him that might prove damaging to me. In point of fact, Mr Wang, I am able to bring your dealings with him to a screeching halt if I am thwarted in any way.

Do I make myself perfectly clear?

Now, Mr is due to arrive back from hospital in two or three days; the nursing sisters have taken a photo which they had developed and sent on to us - I am assured that he is recovering rapidly. The good news is that his concussion is almost totally gone now, and he will regain full use of his right arm. The hip will have an interesting scar, but fortunately nothing was broken there.

By the time he gets back, I do hope that we will have come to an appropriate arrangement - or you will certainly have waited for nothing. If this deal falls through, I will have lost nothing - but if it is successful, I gain eight million dollars plus, US. I am not being malicious in holding you back from your deal, but understand this, Mr Wang - I will not be left out.

Now, due to your intransigence, I will not only require the papers for the original fund (complete with interest rate, as previously stated), but also identification documents with a signature for Mr Wang Qin that matches those on the papers. I will also require two photographs of yourself (not one, but two); the first to be holding a sign bearing the name of this company (""), and the second bearing a word that very few people will know to duplicate: it is the usual nickname for our boss (Hugh David Hugh) and is usually written: . Any attempt to stall on these conditions will have dire consequences.

If you do not understand any of my conditions, email me immediately. We do not have much time left, due to your short-sighted attempt to cut me out of this deal.

Yours,

Ms
Personal Secretary: Mr Bruce
Project Manager (Kangaroos & Bunyips)
Exports Inc.
"Mfondh uoniie guenca ur-ekd."

Wang is made of sterner stuff than I thought. He�s just plain ignoring her.

Quote:

Mr Wang;

Be aware that if you should continue to ignore my emails, and refuse to come to an agreement with me, then I will certainly take steps to ensure that no agreement between yourself and Mr ever takes place.

This is not a threat; this is a promise. One that I intend to keep.

This is your last warning.

Yours,

Ms
Personal Secretary: Mr Bruce
Project Manager (Kangaroos & Bunyips)
Exports Inc.
"Mfondh uoniie guenca ur-ekd."

� so I went back to Plan A; Bruce comes back to work. , I�m afraid, is slated for the high jump. It appears that she�s also deleted the second re-sending.

Quote:

G'day Quin me old mate,

I'm back! Out of that bloody hospital at bloody last! Mate, you just would not fuckin' believe what those bloody nurses do to you in there. I'm talking fuckin' needles long enough to poke your bloody eye out from across the room. That and the fuckin' thermometers. Next time I let 'em put the bloody thing in my mouth - I never dreamed they'd shove the bloody thing up my arse! I tell you what, I fuckin' told them what for. No bastard shoves no bloody thing up my arse without a fight.

But I haven't even told you what happened on the ride. Fuck, it was exciting. We had a mob of bunyips bailed up and we were pushing them along the old Sandy Track, the one that leads past the Uluru camping grounds, and next thing you know, one of them howls and then they're fuckin' gone. Every fuckin' direction under the sun, and they invented a few on the spot. What spooked them no-one knows for certain, though just between you and me and the fencepost, I reckon it must've been a rogue platypus. Those little buggers leave the waterhole on occasion and start wandering across the country - dunno what for, maybe they're looking for long lost relations or something - but something about being out of water all the time really gives them the shits. They'll go anything that comes within fifty foot of them, and that includes man, beast or Range Rover for that matter. They've got these poison spurs - deadly stuff. It's like virginity - one prick and you're gone. Had it. Rooted. Fucked. Pushing up daisies. Dead as a fuckin' doornail.

So I reckon what's happened is the mob's seen a platypus and they've shit themselves and gone fifty different directions. So here I was, on Matilda, going out around the mob and trying to make bloody sure they don't stampede right over the top of the poor bloody campers out for a holiday in the Red Centre. I'd just about got them straightened out when Matilda put her foot in a bloody hole and went arse-up, and me with her. Ever come off an emu at a hundred and twenty kilometers an hour? It's not fuckin' fun, I can fuckin' well tell you that from the fuckin' start.

From what the others've told me afterward, I hit a patch of spinifex which broke my fall and made sure I didn't break my fuckin' neck. But I kept on rolling, bounced off a fuckin' gum tree, barreled past some poor bastard's tent, scared fuck out of a dingo sneaking around the tent, and ended up stopping the hard way - I ran into the base of Ayers Rock. That fuckin' stopped me all right. It was lights out for the next few hours.

So I did my time in hospital (one of the nursing sisters took a pic of me on my first trip out of bed - I'm just bloody hoping she's lost it by now). And I get back a couple of hours early, and what do you think I bloody well found? That fuckin' connivin' bitch , fuckin' going through my fuckin' emails! I dunno, but I reckon she might've deleted one. I asked you for that form, remember, and there isn't any mail with a good form anywhere on my inbox. I'll fix but good, too. If she knows about this, she could cause all kinds of trouble. She doesn't know I know, but. So she'll keep. For now.

Anyway, I've made sure she can't fuckin' get into my emails anymore; I changed the password. So, Quin old mate, how's about getting me that form (sorry mate, but this is the last bloody time I'll ask you, I swear) so I can send it in for all that loverly money.

And anyway mate, how the hell have you been this last week while I've been stuck in hospital?

Talk to you soon mate,

Bruce
Project Manager (Kangaroos & Bunyips)
Exports, Incorporated
"Mfondh uoniie guenca ur-ekd"
(Translated from the Welsh: Always be proud of who you are)

Wang Qin is much relieved. He immediately spills the beans on (and re-sends the form � or does he?).

Quote:

Dear Bruce,

It is so nice to hear from you once more.How is your health now? I was always praying foer your speed recovery.

I must tell you here that i was not happy about the way you sold out completely to your secetary, she was seriously getting on my nerve, asking for percentage from the funds and she was trying to threaten me that the total amount is suppose to be $40Million but i am teeling you $30 Million and she went as far as telling me that she will make sure this transaction will not continue between the two of us,that was all bullshit,Like i told you this is my transaction and i am in full cotrol of it nobody can threaten me or take it awy from me instead i will alert the Chinese Govt about it and the funds will be consificated by them.

Meanwhile i am happy that you are back now so find attachment fior the application form fill signand send back to me immediately so that we can commence with this transaction proper.

Finally, by the time i come over to your country i will like to meet that your secetary in person she is a thief who nis trying to reap where she does not sow.

I await your urgent response.

Yours Faithfully,
Wang.

It�s the wrong form! (see below) Check the name and the amount given�.
This is a sign that I�ve got him rattled. Mr. Green

Quote:

TO: THE MANAGER,
BANK OF OVERSEAS CHINESE
NORTH SHYN LIN DISTRICT
TAIPEI,TAIWAN

Date:

Dear Sir,

LETTER OF CLAIM AS BENEFICIARY AND RECIPIENT.

I refer to the fixed deposit with certificate no: BOOC/A4-7-02/FDM of June 6th, 1998 and wish to attach my claim as it refers, to the deposit of the sum of US$20,160,176.00 (Twenty Million, One hundred and sixty thousand, One hundred and seventy six United States Dollars) made by my late confidant, Mr. David Abel with the payment of the same due to me as the bonafide next of kin and executor of the Will.

I thus, introduce myself as the beneficiary and recipient of the estate so vividly described above as a result of the death of the depositor and as seen in his Last Will and Testament registered in accordance with the laws of the Republic of China at the Taiwan High Court, Tainan. Kindly use your good office to act in favor of this application by forwarding the sum due to me through the following particulars and bank co ordinates:

Personal Information
Full Name:
Present address;
Address as at 24th November 1998:
Telephone number:
Fax number:
E mail address:

Bank Co ordinates
Bank name:
Bank address:
Account name:
Account Number:
Your ABA number and swift code if any:

Please find attached, my valid identification and a copy of the Last Will and Testament of Late Mr. David Abel for reference. Also attached, is a copy of affidavit/letter of probate in line with your company policy for your conviction and kind approval.

Yours faithfully,

Name and Signature.

Bruce is not at all happy with his reception.

Quote:

G'day Quin,
It's definitely nice to be back. Thanks heaps for the welcome. I'm doing a bloody sight better than I was a week ago, I'll tell you that for free. My arm still twinges now and again, but that'll be right in no time. And while I lost a bit of meat off my hip, I got a bruise on my arse the size of Western bloody Australia. Let's just say I'm sitting light, and leave it at that.

Let's get one thing bloody clear, right the fuck now. I did not fuckin' sell out, not to fuckin' anyone. I was groggy as all hell, they were fuckin' loading me on the Flying Doctor plane, and I wanted to let you know I was all right. I had no fuckin' chance of remembering your bloody email address, so about the only chance I had was to let know my email password, so she could pass on the fuckin' message. I definitely did not fuckin' authorise her to read my emails or send you anything on her own bat. That was her bloody idea. And let me tell you something else; when you do get over here, don't waste your bloody time looking for her - she'll be long fuckin' gone. No one - man, woman or fuckin' beast - pulls that sort of shit on me.

And yeah - your bloody form. What the fuck sort of show are you trying to pull on me here? I got the fuckin' thing all right. Only it's not for fuckin' THIRTY million dollars, it's for fuckin' TWENTY million dollars and fuckin' change. And who the fuck is this David fuckin' Abel? I thought I was standing in for fuckin' Lawrence Smith. Could you fuckin' get your forms straight next fuckin' time instead of giving me grief over my fuckin' secretary? (Seeing as you have to be fuckin' shown what's going on, I've attached the fuckin' thing to this message).

Now, in case you are interested, YES, I still want the money. So could you please stop fucking me around and send the CORRECT form this time?

Later,

Bruce
Project Manager (Kangaroos & Bunyips)
Exports, Incorporated
"Mfondh uoniie guenca ur-ekd"
(Translated from the Welsh: Always be proud of who you are)

pulls his head in. But he gives me more ammo in the process.

Quote:

Dear Bruce,

Here is the correct form it was a mistake from my secetary ok.

Wang.

I decide to try to browbeat him into a trophy.

Quote:

Quin,

Okay? You think it's fuckin' okay now?

You rip into me because of my secretary's indiscretions, and then I find out that your fuckin' secretary's been in on our private and confidential deal from the fuckin' start, and you think a simple apology's gonna bloody well cut it? Well, you can fuckin' think again, mister!

You fuckin' listen to me and you fuckin' listen good.

I've got your form. It's filled out. It's signed. All I have to do is scan it and send it.

But I haven't sent it yet, and it's not gonna get sent, not till I'm fuckin' well satisfied that you're as professional as you bloody well make out to be. That was a stupid fuckin' move, letting your secretary deal with what could be the most important fuckin' deal of our lives - you might be cashed up, Mr Quin bloody Wang, but I'd fuckin' bet my left nut that you don't have twenty million fuckin' dollars falling into your lap every fuckin' day. So I'm gonna make sure you've got your fuckin' arse into gear before I send the form back, just to make sure your fuckin' secretary doesn't accidentally forward it on to every fuckin' police agency in the fuckin' Western Hemisphere.

How do I do this? It's fuckin' simple. I tell you to do something and you fuckin' well do it. If you do it right, I send the form back to you. If you fuck it up (and I can't say I'm fuckin' holding my breath after your last performance) then I'm gonna tell you to fuckin' do it again UNTIL YOU GET IT FUCKIN' RIGHT.

THEN you get your fuckin' form. And not one fuckin' minute before. And then we can get on to the money side of this fuckin' business.

Or, if you want, we can call this whole sorry fuckin' business off right now. There's this joker in Ghana, offering me 15% of 55 million if I can help the bugger shift it. Sounds like a fuckin' good deal to me, and he hasn't fucked me around yet either. You get first chop because you came to me first. But if you want to give the game away and leave me free to work with this other bloke, it's your call.

I try to stir him by mentioning another deal that�s supposedly taking place.

Quote:

Oh yeah, and check the attachments too while you're at it. You might find it interesting.

Reckon I'll hear from you one way or the other,

Bruce
Project Manager (Kangaroos & Bunyips)
Exports, Incorporated
"Mfondh uoniie guenca ur-ekd"
(Translated from the Welsh: Always be proud of who you are)

(Bruce has supposedly murdered his secretary to get her out of the way.)
News clipping:

Picture that supposedly took:

can�t even understand that it was foul play!

Quote:

Bruce,
I got your mail and i am very sorry about your secetary.I will be waiting fo youvbto send the specimen appilaction form.

Regards,
Wang.

I decide to go for broke, push him into giving me a trophy. And anyway, he�s deserved this slapping for a while.

Quote:

G'day Quin,

Not so bloody fast there me old china plate.

Yesterday I told you that you were gonna have to prove that your arse was in gear, all systems go. That you're one hundred percent committed to this deal, and you're not gonna fuck it up due to not paying bloody attention at the wrong bloody time. Basically mate, you're on probation. And until you prove your commitment, the form stays where it's safe. With me.

Yeah, I know about the money, but I'd much rather wait a few days and make extra bloody sure it's even gonna get to me than send the form now when I'm not altogether convinced about your common sense.

So here's the deal: you do exactly what I say, and I send the form.

What you gotta do is follow the Path of Abject Reparation.

It's not as bad as it sounds: the boss uses it all the time (shit, I've done it a time or three myself). When someone fucks up, he doesn't fire them but makes them do this. I tell you, it makes you fuckin' pay attention from then on. And with six million big ones at stake, I want you to be paying this your FULL fuckin' attention.

Download the attachment. Make the sign as it says (and remember, each word has to be DIRECTLY below the one above it. Letter by letter is good). Have yourself (or your secretary, I don't give a shit) photographed holding this sign. Now, I can't make you walk through your company building holding this sign, and I don't want you to. But I do want TWO photos of the SAME person, wearing the SAME clothes, holding the sign so that I can read it. Two photos, two different poses. Not the same bloody photo twice, all right? I can tell things like that.

Once I get the photos as described above, then you get the form. Don't fuck this up; I don't want to have to wait any longer than absolutely bloody necessary for my money.

Just remember, the form is here, ready and waiting. Have the photos taken (and remember, it must be EITHER you OR your secretary holding the sign) and send them to me, and the form goes to you and we can then proceed (at fuckin' last).

But be bloody straight on this: the form will NOT be sent until I DO get the photos in acceptable format.

Reckon you can handle that?

Bruce
Project Manager (Kangaroos & Bunyips)
Exports, Incorporated
"Mfondh uoniie guenca ur-ekd"
(Translated from the Welsh: Always be proud of who you are)

The Path of Abject Reparation:

The sign was supposed to go like this:

Quote:

M F O N D H
U O N I I E
G U E N C A
U R � E K D

(Read downward)

Two days, and no answer from , so I try again.

Quote:

G'day Quin,

What the fuck's happening, mate? I asked you two fuckin' days ago for a couple of simple photographs, and what's fuckin' happened? Fuck and all, that's what's fuckin' happened.

Now this is exactly why I'm fuckin' asking you for the fuckin' photos, you understand, right? I mean, if you can't manage a simple fuckin' request, such as a properly written sign and a couple of fuckin' photos, then how the fuck am I to reasonably expect you to fuckin' manage a complicated overseas fuckin' funds transfer without utterly fucking it up beyond all recognition?

So mate, do us both a fuckin' favour, get your fuckin' finger out, and fuckin' send me those fuckin' photos as soon as you fuckin' well can. I've still got Mr Bello over there in Ghana wanting to send me his fuckin' fifty-five million, and fuck me if it isn't looking more and more fuckin' attractive by the fuckin' day. I've stuck to you this far because I don't fuckin' stab my business partners in the back, but remember this - I fuckin' expect some sort of return at the end of the fuckin' day.

Another mention of the �other deal� � still nothing.

Quote:

So can you just hurry the fuck up and send the fuckin' photos, so I can send that fuckin' form on back to you? I want this over and fuckin' done with. There's a fuckin' holiday in Hawaii with my fuckin' name on it.

Waiting not so fuckin' patiently,

Bruce
Project Manager (Kangaroos & Bunyips)
Exports, Incorporated
"Mfondh uoniie guenca ur-ekd"
(Translated from the Welsh: Always be proud of who you are)

It appears that is the stubborn type. He won�t give out trophies.
So I have to get my pound of flesh some other way.
� so I mail him back more politely.

Quote:

G'day Quin,

Look mate, I'd like to apologise to you. That deal I was talking about, from Ghana? Bloody scam, all the way through. I asked the beggar for an identification photo, and he sent me the stupidest-looking bloody fake I ever saw. When I called him on it, he told me to get fucked and send my details.

So it looks like we're back to square one, Quin old mate. If you're still in the market, I've got that form to send to you. Only I'm a bit busy, since got eaten by that bloody pig. So it might be a day or so till I can get it to you.

You there mate?

Bruce
Project Manager (Kangaroos & Bunyips)
Exports, Incorporated
"Mfondh uoniie guenca ur-ekd"
(Translated from the Welsh: Always be proud of who you are)

To my surprise, he answers. Not surprisingly, he�s a bit snorty.

Quote:

Send it if you are still wiling to do this transaction and i want to state it clear i am the owner of thgis transactiona and i am to give you instructions not you givng me instructoins.

Wang.

�. so I sent him something guaranteed to make him even more snorty.

Quote:

G'day Quin,

Right, here's your bloody form. It's taken me three fuckin' goes to write this email, and I had to pretend I was scanning a memo so I could get access to the scanner. Doesn't fuckin' help that I've gotta do Sheeza's work as well as my own, and I can't leave any of this shit lying around for anyone to see.

But anyway, like you can see, I've fuckin' got it done at last. Right, what's next?

Bruce
Project Manager (Kangaroos & Bunyips)
Exports, Incorporated
"Mfondh uoniie guenca ur-ekd"
(Translated from the Welsh: Always be proud of who you are)

Form sent (a shrunken version thereof):

�s answer is short and not so sweet:

Quote:

Bruce,

You know what i think about you,I THINK YOU ARE A CRAZY *DELETED*.STOP SENDING ME MAILS.

Of course, Bruce has no idea what he�s on about�

Quote:

Quin,
What the fuck's got up your arse? I sent you the bloody form, now what?

Stop sending me bloody insulting emails, and get your act together. We're partners, remember? You give the instructions, remember? So give with the fuckin' instructions.

I'm not gonna let anything get in the way of me getting my six million dollars! So what happens now?

Bruce

He doesn�t answer. I give it a couple of days. Then�

Quote:

Quin,

I'm sorry mate. I had no idea that bloody memo got in the way of the form. But it's okay. I still have the bloody form and I'm ready to send it to you. I'll take extra care to make sure that nothing gets in the way and it's totally readable from your end. I guarantee it.

Just next time, reckon you can tell me what went wrong instead of jumping down my throat like a fuckin' goose? Coulda save a shitload of time and effort if you'd just said something like "Mr Bruce, there was something in front of the form. Please re-send it. Quin." But no, you had to go off like a pork chop.

Anyway, like I said, I've got it ready to go, on your say-so. That is, if you're still interested in doing this bloody deal. What do ya reckon Quin mate? You up for it?

Bruce

He can�t resist can he? Back for more punishment�

Quote:

Ok, send it if you want to.I am a very busy person and we are talikng of a huge amount of money here but i am very surprise the way you are handling it.It is not a joke my firend.

Wang.

So I send him my piece de resistance.

Quote:

G'day Quin,
Thanks for answering mate. I'm bloody glad you haven't given up on me altogether. Let me tell you, I'm not trying to treat this as a joke; that's the last bloody thing I'd do. But when you call me a 'crazy *DELETED*', that's when I get bloody upset. It was an honest mistake on my part, and you just went ballistic. How about you look at it from my point of view for once?

Anyway, I reckon I've just about figured out how to send the form properly this time. I've scanned it once but this time I checked it before I sent it, and mate, you'd have needed a bloody microscope to read it. So I binned that one and had another go. The bigger the resolution, the easier it is to read, right? Well, let me tell you something mate, this is gonna be about the easiest to read document you've ever bloody well seen.

Let me know when you're ready to move along with it, mate. I'm really looking forward to getting hold of that bloody six million.

Bruce

This is not what I sent him. The actual document was 5.5 mB, took the form of the lower section, but at the scale of the upper section.

He has not answered since.

I have not yet abandoned him. Or, to put it another way, has not seen the last of Bruce !

Posted: Mon Aug 30, 2004 12:30 pm

Very nice

Posted: Mon Aug 30, 2004 1:49 pm

Zap

Yer a freaking laugh a minute... corking gut bustin rib snappin stuff mate!

Poor f*ckin Sheeza, I liked her too Crying or Very sad

Later Mate!

Guest

Zapmaster, you managed to milk a good deal of response more from Wang than I was able to; yet, he just sent me the same pitch a week ago, after having rejected a partnership with the International Crustacean Obedience Training Institute, a few months before.

What a wad.

Superb thread. If this is your first, you're on par to achieve the 419 Hall of Fame!

Guest

He sent me one as well....after I seeded some guestbooks. I think it was Hong Kong this time.

After about 3 emails, both of his addys bounced back. And I was just getting to know him....

Ah, oh wel....I know I'll get him again at some point.

Bugs

Posted: Wed Oct 20, 2004 11:21 pm

has just contacted again, with damn near the same letter as 'he' used the first time.

Somehow, I don't think it's the same Qin (he would surely recall the absolute frustration arising from the first contact with our Mr Goanna) but it's all the same to me - the game, to quote Sherlock Holmes, is afoot! (and, in certain situations, on emu-back Razz

)

More to follow as the bait progresses....

Posted: Fri Nov 05, 2004 2:33 am

More news...

This is the letter he sent me this time:

Quote:

FROM THE DESK OF:
MR.
HANG SENG BANK LTD.
DES VOEUX RD.BRANCH
CENTRAL HONG KONG
HONG KONG.
Dear Sir/madam,
I am Mr., credit officer of Hang Seng Bank Ltd. I have an urgent and very confidential business proposition for you.
On June 6, 1999, a British Oil consultant/contractor with the Chinese Solid Minerals Corporation,Mr.David Huckerby made a numbered time (Fixed) Deposit for twelve calendar months, valued at US$28,000,000.00 (Twenty-eight Million Dollars only) in my branch. Upon maturity,I sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no reply.
After a month, we sent a reminder and finally we discovered from his contract employers, the Hong Kong Solid Minerals Corporation that Mr. David Huckerby died from an automobile accident. On further investigation, I found out that he died without making a WILL, and allttempts to trace his next of kin was fruitless.
I therefore made further investigation and discovered that Mr.David Huckerby did not declare any kin or relations in all his official documents, including his Bank Deposit paperwork in my Bank.
This sum of US$28,000,000.00 is still sitting in my Bank and the interest is being rolled over with the principal sum at the end of each year. No one will ever come forward to claim it.
According to Laws of Hong Kong, at the expiration of 5(five) years, the money will revert to the ownership of the Hong Kong Government if nobody applies to claim the fund.
Consequently, my proposal is that I will like you as a foreigner to stand in as the next of kin to Mr. David Huckerby so that the fruits of this old man's labor will not get into the hands of some corrupt government officials.This is simple, I will like you to provide immediately your full names and address so that the attorney will prepare the necessary documents and affidavits
that will put you in place as the next of kin.
We shall employ the services of an attorney for drafting and notarization of the WILL and to obtain the necessary documents and letter of probate/administration in your favor for the transfer. A bank account in any part of the world that you will provide will then facilitate the
transfer of this money to you as the beneficiary/next of kin.
The money will be paid into your account for us to share in the ratio of 70% for me and 25% for you and 5% for expenses incurred in the course of the transaction.
There is no risk at all,as all the paperwork for this transaction will be done by the attorney and with my position as the credit officer guarantees the successful execution of this transaction. If you are interested, please reply immediately to my personal email box: [email protected]
Upon your response, I shall then provide you with more details and relevant documents that will help you understand the transaction.
Please send me your confidential email and fax numbers for easy
communication as my spoken english is not very good.
You should observe utmost confidentiality, and rest assured that this transaction would be most profitable for both of us because I shall require your assistance to invest my share in your country.
Awaiting your urgent reply.
Thanks and regards.
Mr..

So I replied:

Quote:

G'day Mr Quin,

I just got your email. I'm bloody rapt, I am. Sounds
just about bloody perfect to me.

Only thing is, I reckon I should be getting about 30
percent instead of twenty-five. After all, I'm the
poor silly bludger sticking his neck out to get the
dollars. So mate, make it thirty and you got a deal.

Well, as you can bloody well see, my email is
[email protected] . What else do you need out of
me?

Looking forward to sorting this shit out and getting
the dollars.

=====

So he sends me the following letter, with his passport attached (and a nice job it is too...)

Quote:

Dear Bruce,
Thank you very much for your response,and your interest in this
transaction.
Kindly,note that I am looking for a reliable person whom I can rely on for capabilities to handle this transaction.This trust is very important to me.Like I said before,due to this issue on my hands now,it became necessary for me to seek your asistance.I appreciate the fact that you are ready to assist me in executing this project,and also you will help me in investing my money in your country,a propest I am most optimistic about.
Be rest assured that I will do everything legally required to ensure that the project goes smoothly,it shall pass through all Laws of International Banking.You can have my word on this.
Having resolved to entrust this transaction into your hands, I want to remind you that like all other human endeavors,it needs your commitment and diligent follow up.If we work together seriously,the entire transaction should be over in a couple of days.
READ THE FOLLOWING AND GET BACK TO ME:
You should note that this project is highly capital intensive, this is why I have to be very careful,I need your total devotion and trust to see this through. I know we have not met before,but I am very confident that we will be able to establish the necessary trust that we need to execute this project.I am sending a copy of my international passport which is attached along with this email.I am now in contact with a foreign online bank, I now intend that you open an account in your name in this foreign bank.The money would be transfered to your account which you will open in the bank for both of us, this is the best way,I have found,it will protect us from my bank. I want us to enjoy this money in peace when we conclude,so you should listen to my instructions and follow them religiously. Also you have to know that I cannot transfer this money in my name as my bank will be aware that it is from me, this is where I need you.
As result of this,you will have to open an account in the
corresponding bank. I will obtain a certificate of deposit from this my bank,it will be issued in your name, this will make you the bonafide owner of the funds. After this,the money will be banked online for both of us. We can then instruct the bank to transfer our various shares into our respective home bank accounts. I will also perfect the documentations with the assistance of my attorney to give the transaction the legal right.Before I commence,I will need you to send me a copy of any form your identification (Driver's licence or International passport) and your current address. I want to be sure that I am transacting with the correct person. As soon as I get these from you,I will commence the paper work.
I hope you will understand why I need all these, the money in question is big and I want to ensure that I know you well before I proceed to give you all the details to commence the project.I will send the name and contact details of the bank and their website to you so that you can commence communication with them.Ensure that you keep this project confidential, do not discuss it with anybody, because of the confidential nature of this transaction and my work.
Please reply soonest.
Regards,
Qin.

I reply with:

Quote:

G'day mate,
How's it hangin' me old china plate? I got your email
and though it took a bit of reading, I reckon I got
the gist after the third or fourth run-through.
So you want to have a gander at my drivers license
hey? Sure thing mate, sure thing. I'll just scan the
bloody thing and stick the file on here. It's a bit
beat-up, mind. Reckon I'll get meself a new one next
time I'm in the big smoke. This one's been driving,
riding and falling off emus with me. Anyway, you'll
see what I mean.
Tell you what mate, can you do me a favour and send me
a picture of yourself, so I can just compare it to the
passport picture? I can send a pic of me anytime,
this way we both know for sure that the other guy's
for real and not using some poor bastard's nicked
passport or something. I mean, we're dealing with
millions of dollars here, we want to go that extra
mile to be safe, you know what I mean?
Anyway, cheers.

=====

as well as my "drivers license", below:

So he sent me the following information:

Quote:

Dear Bruce
Thanks for your email.
I have sent your details to my attorney who will put together the perfected paper work to be sent to the bank for the release and transfer of the funds, this should take not longer than 2days.
In this light,I am now sending you the website of the bank so you can
browse it and make enquiries on an offshore/on-line account opening. I
advice you like I said earlier that you open an account with the bank
so that once the funds are released, they will be moved straight into
your account with this bank and the transfer will not attract the monetary bodies, as the transfer be will seen as in-house (same telex type with my Bank),you can then transfer the funds in safe bits to your
main account for both of us.
Please find below the banks website.
Credit Investment Bank.

I shall await an update, please do make contact with the bank so that
the account opening can be fast, I had to remain awake to get the
notification about this contact details, you know the time difference.
I will call you brother so that we both understand that our trust in each other is that of blood relations,may God bless you for your positive resolve to affect our lives. I am whom I say I am. You can see form my international Passport.
Your Brother,
Qin.

Won't send me a pic, huh? Well then, there goes your bank, sucker.

Over the next week, he sent me more and more anxious emails, trying to get me to make the account. In the meantime, I was checking out the bank and killing it, as shown here:

http://www.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=23100&highlight=creditinvestmentbank

While I was still in the process of getting it killed, I sent him this one:

Quote:

G'day Quin,

I'm not entirely sure I want to trust my dollars to
that bank you sent me to. While I'm willing to
believe they're good blokes, they don't seem all that
willing to put in the hard yards. I had a look at it
just yesterday, and blow me down if the date wasn't
still showing September! If they can't be trusted to
keep the date up to date, then how can they be trusted
to handle a transaction like this one?

Yours,

=====

He dashes this one off to me. Desperation much, Wang?

Quote:

Dear Bruce,

All i want you to do is contact them and open account with them for me to transfer the money into the account for the two of us to share.From there you can move the money into your main account for us to share.The CIB bank is affilated to our bank.contact them and get back to me asap.This transaction will only last couple of days depends on your seriousness and remember that we dont have too much time.We are doing this with the bank also because of crossborder taxation.Please contact the bank and get back to me asap.

Qin.

And then the day dawns that the bank is shut down but good. I waste no time in getting back to him:

Quote:

Hey Quin,

How the hell am I supposed to contact this CIB bank
when it's locked? Huh? I just bet you think it's a
great joke on me, sending me to this bank and then
just when I'm ready to open the account, you haven't
even told me the bloody password to get into the bank
site? What the hell is going on here? I hope you
bloody well enjoy your joke, because I'm not bloody
well laughing!

GET YOUR BLOODY ACT TOGETHER, YOU IDIOT! WHAT'S THE
PASSWORD?

Yours,

=====

He doesn't know what's going on, and in time-honoured mugu tradition, he ignores the important part of my email:

Quote:

Dear Bruce,

You dont need a password to open the account.I want you to apply with them and open account with the CIB bank and send the account coordinate to me.

Qin.

Of course, this is too good an opportunity to turn down another slap:

Quote:

Dear Mr Quin,

I understand that you are a busy man, and I admire you
for the qualities of patience which you are showing
toward me. This is good, because it means that we may
do business again someday.

BUT DO ME A FAVOUR AND READ WHAT I AM WRITING TO YOU,
DIPSHIT! I CANNOT ACCESS CIB WITHOUT A PASSWORD! DO
YOU UNDERSTAND ME, YOU IGNORANT PIECE OF CRAP?

It is quite simple. When I try to log on to the site
www.creditinvestmentbank.net I get a logon screen that
asks for a password. Without the password, I cannot
open an account. Without the account, we cannot do
business. Now, I want to do business. But if you're
going to kep insisting that the bank needs no
password, then I will know that you are not serious
about this, and we are going to have to part ways.

Get your act together, or it's all off.

=====

He's full of apologies (grovel some more, mugu!):

Quote:

Dear Bruce,

Business is all about patience so that you wont get into the wrong hands i hope you understand what i mean.I will try and get back to you asap to see what i can do.You get angry easily is too bad for a guy like you.Just calm down and relax we do this together you need me ask i need you too we are talking of millions here.So please try abd calm down we do it together.

Qin.

He sent this directly afterward:

Quote:

Dear Bruce,

I will inform you asap about the new bank that we are going to use.Iam not joking we will continue the transaction on monday i hope you understand.Once again iam not joking please put your self together by monday we can start talk about the transaction.Thank you for your understanding.

Qin.

Another slap incoming....

Quote:

G'day Quin,

Thank you for your attentiveness. You are very
helpful.

That is, once you pulled your finger out and actually
went to have a look at the bloody bank that you said
was there! So now you're gonna take me to a new bank?
Why not bloody well tell me the address now, so I can
open the bloody account and be ready on Monday? What
sort of half-arsed show are you running here now
anyway?

Just make bloody sure that you do have a bank for me
on Monday, or I tell you, there'll be hell and rabid
wombats to pay. Let's get this bloody show on the
road. And do me a favour and remember the following
saying: either lead, follow or get out of the bloody
way! I want that money and I want it real bloody
soon.

Hoo-roo,

=====

Damn, this is fun! Here's another mail from Qin, in which he makes a fatal mistake: he queries my integrity....

Quote:

Dear Bruce,

The bank will be ready by monday. So relax hopefully by monday i want you to open the account with and send me the account coordinate so that i can start the transfer on time.Because the transaction will last just couple of days.I want you to give me your word that the money will be safe with you.Reply asap.

Qin.

Of course, I can't let this slide...

Quote:

Hey Quin,

What the fuck is this? I mean, WHAT the FUCK is THIS?
You contacted me, out of the blue, to do this
transaction with you - and now YOU want ME to give you
MY fucking word that I won't play sillybuggers with
the dollars?

Listen mate - if you have the slightest FUCKING reason
to think that you can't trust me, then fuck off. Get
the fuck off my email. I'm not gonna fucking do
business with some dickhead who fucking well says that
I'm not trustworthy.

So what is it - don't trust me? Or trust me? If you
trust me, you don't have a worry in the world. We'll
do the transaction and it'll be over and done by the
time you finish saying "Thank you very much." But if
you don't trust me, then you know where you can go.

Your call, Quin.

=====

He's back to being apologetic:

Quote:

Dear Bruce,

Calm down i just wanted to you give me your word so that we can go ahead and do the transaction.Well i will contact on monday so that we can start on time and finish before friday i hope you understand.I see you as a serious man that will like the transaction to finish on time depends on you the transaction will only last couple of days.Reply asap.

My Regards Qin.

I ignore that reply, and wait a few days. However, he's obviously having trouble finding a new bank, so I mail him a bit later:

Quote:

Hey Quin,

Where the hell are you? You said you'd contact me by
Monday, well it's Tuesday night and still nothing!
Come on, extract the digit from the orifice and get
cracking! We have a transaction to complete!

=====

Now, while there's been no reply from him since, I did get a letter from a THIRD in my inbox just the other day (usual scam letter).

So I wrote back to him:

Quote:

G'day Mr Qin,

Thanks for sending me the information on this grouse
business opportunity, but why shouldn't we conclude
our other business first?

Incidentally, why are you contacting me via another
email address? Just curious.

Cheers,

=====

He's not sure what I'm on about (and all caps! Aaaargh!):

Quote:

HELLO SIR,

THANK YOU FOR YOUR REPLY SIR IS LIKE I CAN UNDERSTAND YOUR MAIL YOU SENT TO ME TO MY BOX BACK THAT IS MY TISCALI.IT THAT I USED TO SEND MAIL TO YOU BUT TO REPLY ME FOR MORE DETAIL I USED MY YAHOO.COM.HK THAT IS MY HONGKONG BOX BUT FOR INFORMATION YOU CAN SEND YOUR MAIL TO THIS BOX.AND PLEASE SIR I WILL BE WETIN FOR YOUR REPLY.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR RESPONSE

So I set him straight:

Quote:

G'day Qin,

No, what I mean is that we are currently involved in
another transaction altogether. Now you email me with
a different business opportunity, and while I am not
at all averse to doing business with you, I confess
that I find myself puzzled as to why you seem to be
emailing me from an entirely different email address
again in order to do the other business.

Incidentally, when are you going to send me the
address for the bank? You said you'd get it back to
me by Monday, and it's Friday. Why are you dragging
your feet?

Cheers mate,

=====

With luck, he's gonna twig that it's another Wang Qin I've been chatting to, and then he's gonna want the other email addy (which I will give him) and then it'll be on for young and old...

Will keep you posted.

Posted: Fri Nov 05, 2004 8:30 pm

the Second has finally replied to me. He presented me with a brand new bank site, one which has been whipped up in just five days!

So now I'm in the process of killing it... Very Happy

To keep him occupied in the meantime, I'm gonna go ahead with the "which Wang are you?" style bait...

Posted: Wed Nov 10, 2004 3:03 pm

Damn, but he wants to get this business done! Check this out:

Friday 5 Nov

Quote:

Dear Bruce,

Sorry for the delay.Here is the bank website contact them and get back to me so that we can proceed.http://www..com/

Qin.

Well, of course I can't do anything about this until Monday at the earliest. But he's pushing hard...

Saturday 6 Nov

Quote:

Dear Bruce,

you can now use this bank and apply asap.i want the account details asap on momday so that i can start the transfer asap.Here is the bank website.http://www..com.Reply asap.

Qin.

Is this a record? "asap" four times in as many sentences. Is he in a hurry?

Sunday 7 Nov 07:39:17 +0000 (GMT)

Quote:

Dear Bruce,

You can now contact the bank and get back to me asap.Here is the bank website.http://www..com.Reply asap so that i can start the transfer asap waiting for you now.

Qin.

Three times in three sentences. Wow, he's anxious!

Back on the same day! 17:24:00 +0000 (GMT)

Quote:

Dear Bruce,

Contact them and get back to me asap.

Qin

Five and a half minutes later, he sends again:

Quote:

Dear Bruce,

Contact them and get back to me asap.

Qin

And again at 17:34:51

Quote:

Dear Bruce,

I want you to contact the bank tomorrow and get back to me asap.

Qin.

Monday dawns! (8 Nov)

Quote:

Dear Bruce,

Have you contacted the bank.Please iam waiting for urgent reply.

Qin.

I finally send back an answer:

Quote:

G'day Quin,

How's it going mate? You and the wife and kiddies
doing OK there? Look, I'm sorry about not answering
straight away, I was just wondering what was going on
with that other business proposal that you sent to me.
I asked you then about this bank and you didn't
answer me at all. What's going on? Just in case you
don't remember what I'm talking about, I'll enclose
the letter you sent me about the other proposal.

Anyway, I don't have time to hit the bank right now,
we're prepping for a big muster. I reckon I should be
back by Thursday or Friday at the latest, and we can
get all this cleared out of the way then. I just
wanted to shoot this note off to you so you wouldn't
be left hanging in the breeze.

Anyway, you have a bloody good couple of days, mate.
Talk to ya real soon.

Drongo Exports Incorporated

PS: Matilda says g'day.

PPS: Here's that letter you sent to me. It's got the
same address and all on it so I know it must have been
you that sent it.

[Scam letter sent to me by WQ III]

Tuesday 9 Nov:

He really really wants me to get in touch with the bank:

Quote:

Dear Bruce,

I am waiting for you to contact the bank so that we can move to the next level and contact me with the account details. Have a nice day and reply me asap you come back.
Qin

Next level? What is this, a computer game?? (Well, it is for me Mr. Green

).

So I'm about to take 'pity' on him (after all, the bank has been killed; see here: http://www.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=24430 )

Slaps to follow.

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2004 4:19 pm

My first letter to him (at 1:19:52 in the morning) went as follows:

Quote:

G'day Qin,

You're in luck me old china plate.

We were just starting off on the muster, when it started raining. Not just your ordinary "Gone in 60 seconds" type rain, but genuine swim-to-higher-ground RAIN. In a word, Qin mate, it's pissing down out there.

So I decided to check through my old emails and reply to the ones needing replying.

Yours seem the most urgent, so I'm just writing this before I go to that site and set up my account.

Talk to ya soon!

=====

I then spend a little time (8 minutes) pretending to try to get into the account, then mailed him again. This time, I was a little sharper...

Quote:

Hey QUIN!

Thanks for the website. it was really helpful. Especially the part that went 400 ERROR.

What the hell is wrong with you, Quin? Twice now you've sent me to banks that just plain folded - how would it be if my money had been in there when they went down the big ol' gurgler? Up shit creek, that's how.

So can we get our act together and finalize this transaction, or are you just playing jokes on me? Are you being serious about this?

Cheers,

=====

I suspect I have him off balance. Possibly it's the suggestion that he isn't being serious. Smile

Quote:

Dear Bruce,

Sorry for what happened again.Iam not joking with you i want the transaction to be very fast that is why iam trying to contact you with this bank so that we can rush this on time.I was told that the bank management are up grading thier standard and will soon be over in couple days please bear with me.We are still on the transaction and i will get to you soon.

Qin.

Upgrading their standard? Translation: throwing a new bank together.

I don't give him any slack at all:

Quote:

Qin,

So basically, due to your bank's incompetence, I'm supposed to just sit around until they get their act together?

Can't you get ONE thing right? ONCE? With the quality of assistance I'm getting here, I may as well be out grooming the emus for ticks. At least I'll be getting friggin' results there.

Do me a favour. Get on to whoever runs that friggin' bank and put a rocket up them! I want that money so badly I can taste it, and you dickheads are friggin' around with banks that I can't access!

My patience is not endless. Get it done, and get it done soon. Okay?

=====

He's definitely rattled. His reply:

Quote:

Dear Bruce,

I will contact you with the bank website later as soon as i hear from them.Reply asap.

Qin.

Still with the "reply asap". He doesn't want to lose me. In a twisted kind of way, that makes sense. With all the grief I've given him, I reckon he really wants to stick it to me bad. Mr. Green

So I throw his words back in his face:

Quote:

> Dear Bruce,
>
> I will contact you with the bank website later as
> soon as i hear from them.Reply asap.
>
> Qin.

How about you just get back to me with a bank website
that WORKS asap?

=====

And he's sent me one. Pardon me while I kill it. Updates to follow.

Guest

What a beut of scambait! Smile

Really looking forward to the updates! Hope Daryl won't give you any more pain - those dropbears sure are nasty things! Wink

Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 6:11 pm

I might bring Daryl back into the bait at a later date, but right now it's just Bruce, and his secretary . Remember her? Well, I resurrected her for a little side-colour to the bait.

Anyway, here is his email on the subject of a new bank:

Quote:

Dear Bruce,

You can now contact them and get back to me asap. http://www.pacificprivatebank.com. Reply asap.

Qin.

Turns out that this bank is a rehash of the site, just with a different addy leading to it. But anyway, I don't reply, Bruce not having checked his email (this being Friday night, he isn't in the office Smile

)

Qin gets back to me the next day, at 11:52 AM (GMT) on the 13th:

Quote:

Dear Bruce,

Have you contacted the bank.Iam waiting for you so that i can move to the next level.I want the transaction to finish on time so that we smile at the end.Reply asap the transaction is now on your palm since you have the bank website now.

Qin.

No reply, so he mails me again on the Sunday.
8:47 PM on the 14th:

Quote:

Dear Bruce,

How far have you gone.Have you contacted the ban you are the one slowing the transaction down.Please contact the bank i get back to me asap with the account details so that i can make the transfer.

Qin.

8:20 AM on Monday the 15th - wonder if he's getting toey? Note the mistake he made with the web address.

Quote:

Dear Bruce,

Iam still waiting for you to contact the bank so that we can get this done before week.The funds will be in your account before friday.http://www.ppbonline.com.

Qin.

Now, I'm sure that the bank will die soon (it, did; go to http://www.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=25057 ) but I want to be sure, so I decide to stall him a bit longer. Bruce has to be out of the office, but someone has to tell Qin that. And who better than ? I previously killed her off with another Qin, but as this is a different scammer, he won't know her from Eve. So she's disinterred and dusted off, and sends her email to Qin (this is also a check to see if he's willing to backstab Bruce by supplying her with details):

Quote:

Dear Mr Qin,

I am Mr 's personal secretary, and I understand that he is in the process of performing a transaction with you. However, he is currently out of the office.

You see, up until Sunday night it was raining steadily. The rain had stopped and the clouds had cleared by Monday morning, so it was decided to hold the wombat muster then; it is long overdue as it is. Mr Goanna was busy all day Monday, helping get the emus ready, and it was only just before he left that he gave me last-minute instructions to contact you. His instructions to me were very precise: I was to let you know why he isn't responding at the moment, and not to ask for any details of the transaction.

Personally, I find this irritating, as I am used to helping Mr Goanna perform transactions, but those are his orders and this is what I am doing. So there you have it, Mr Qin. Mr Goanna is away, though he will probably be back in a day or two.

Yours,

Personal Secretary: Mr

I made a mistake there incidentally; I referred to a "wombat" muster Embarassed

. Still, he never twigged. got back a perfectly polite mail from Qin the next day:

Quote:

Dear ,

Please tell him to get in touch with me as ssoon as he gets back.

Qin.

The next day again (the 17th) I checked the bank and it was down. So I had Bruce come back early, and again I sent a cheery email to Qin:

Quote:

G'day Quin,

How's it going mate? We had a good muster, even though it did get cut short by rain. Got a couple thousand head of bunyips, as well as a few dozen roos. Pretty bloody excellent, I thought.

gave me your message when I got back in, so I thought I'd drop you a line before I got on to the bank. The way I am, it'd take me half an hour to get the details you want.

Anyway, I'll get back to you as soon as I've finished sorting out the bank. Funds in the account by Friday? You're on, mate.

Cheers,

=====

A little later (after I had finished updating the kill) I emailed him back. This time, Bruce isn't so thrilled.

Quote:

Dear Mr QUIN,

I am glad that I got back to the office before too long, so I didn't waste too much of your time. Because guess what? The bank, which you said you would be able to put funds into by Friday, is not accessible! What the hell is this, Quin?? Is it any surprise that I am not entirely sure that I want to open an account in any bank you show me - because when I go to do so - I CAN'T GET IN!

Read my words very carefully, Quin. I am a serious businessman! I don't have time for this utter CRAP. When I deal with a bank, I want it to be there tomorrow, next week, next year! I don't want it to fold up and disappear overnight! How would it be if you had put the money into it, and then it disappeared? You would be out of the money and I wouldn't have it either!

So I would suggest, Mr Quin, that you find a bank which is entirely reliable, by which we can perform our transaction together. Because I am becoming very, very tired with all of this running around in circles and getting nowhere.

So get in touch with that bank, and do it properly. My patience is running out very quickly indeed.

Yours,

=====

And the game goes on...

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 2:30 pm

He doesn't realize the bank is dead yet!

Quote:

Dear Bruce,

How far have gone with the bank iam still waiting for the account details to transfer the money into.Please act fast so that the funds can be transfer on time.Reply asap,

Qin.

Of course, failing to read my email deserves a slap ...

... which I duly deliver.

Quote:

Dear Mr Quin,
Did you perhaps read my last email to you? I don't think so. I don't think you are being very serious at all. In fact, I think you are laughing at me. Yes, it's funny, have a big old laugh at the Australian that you've tricked again.
I went to the bank site that you pointed out to me. I can't get into it. They ask for a password, Mr Quin, a PASSWORD! What's the password, Mr Quin? How do I get into your bank if I don't have the password? How can I set up the account if I can't get into the bank? How can I send you the account details if I can't set up the account?
Now, stop fooling around Mr Quin. Unless we get this sorted out, and very quickly, I will be severing all ties with you. Moreover, I will be passing the word around that you cannot be trusted to hold to a simple transaction. My patience is not the best, and it is not helped by the fact that you ignored my last email.
So, one more time. What bank should I set up the account with, so that we may continue with this transaction? Do not play me for a fool again, Mr Quin. I want this transaction to go through.

Yours,

=====

EDIT: more today.

Now he's realised the awful truth, what does he do? Apologise, of course, and does the fastest tap-dancing act I've seen outside of Riverdance. Smile

Quote:

Dear Bruce,

I have contact them and they siad they want to up grade thier site becuase of hackers.I will let you know the next step asap.i need the money as you do so please bear with me i want the transaction to continue and will both finish it together.Reply asap.

Qin.

Of course, this is just not good enough. Upgrading again? So soon after the last time? Nuh-uh. If I'm gonna swallow this, you're gonna take a little more slapping, my lad.

Oh yeah, and I love the line about "I need the money" - is the truth starting to leak into his mails? Am I the big fish on the line?

Damn, I hope so.

Quote:

Dear Quin,

You say the bank has told you that they are upgrading - again? That makes twice in a row now! Twice that I've tried to set up an account there and twice that they've been upgrading, so I have been unable to set up the account! I don't know about you Quin, but when a bank makes itself unavailable like that twice in a row, I seriously think about taking my business elsewhere, as should you. This mob, they don't strike me as being the most reliable lot this side of Sydney Harbour, much less the bloody Black Stump.

I'll tell you something else for free; if I have trouble a third time getting into this bloody bank, I'm gonna have to insist that we take this transaction elsewhere. I don't like doing business with an internet bank that spends more time offline than on. Makes me bloody nervous, to tell the truth. What if they went offline one day and just plain decided not to come on again, and there goes all your dollars.

And another thing; I'm a busy man. I have other things to do than hang around on the net every day hoping to get into an online bank on the one hour per day it's actually operational. There are demands on my time. So make bloody sure that the bank is open for business when I've got time to set up that bloody account, okay?

Right. Good. That's about all I've got to say. Cheerio.

=====

Of course, you know what this means. "Prep the killing floor, we got us a bank coming in!" Mr. Green

Posted: Mon Nov 22, 2004 10:54 pm

Well, it's been several days without word from dear old Mr . As he was previously mailing me several times a day to ensure that I was still there, I am forced to consider that one of several things may have happened to him:

1) He's twigged, been wised up, or just plain decided I wasn't worth the trouble.
2) The lads who built the banks that I killed came looking for their lost money, and he's in hiding.
3) He's used up all his money on fake banks and cybercafe fees, and has had to get a real job to pay his debts.
4) The fake-bank lads are refusing to do business with him any more.
5) He's physically gone to see someone to give him another fake bank to use on me.

Now, if it was 1), most lads would send a "f*** you" letter as a kiss-off... I never got word one from him since the last (promising) letter, above. So I'm hoping it's one of the others. In any case, even if he's just dropped me as being too much trouble, I did manage to both tie him up for most of a month, and kill three banks for which he must have invested some time and money. So this round is 3, 0.

Bring 'em on! Mr. Green

Posted: Sun Nov 28, 2004 2:03 am

Well, he's come on back. Again. No bank as yet, and I think he's starting to suspect something. A couple of days of emails, and trying to pressure me to call the bank. Well, I'm not having that; he produces the bank or I tell him where to go Mr. Green

Let's see now....

This one was from me to him on the 19th ... putting a rocket up him.

Quote:

Dear Mr Quin,

Has the bank finished upgrading yet, or have you found a better one? I want to get this transaction completed asap. Reply ASAP!

Yours,

=====

I think he's feeling harassed...

Quote:

Dear Bruce,

I will contact you asap when i hear from them.

.

So of course I pin his ears back.

Quote:

Well geez mate, can you tell them to get a bloody wriggle on? I can't hang around for bloody ever, you know. Supposed to be a bloody simple upgrade and it's been more than a bloody week already.

=====

Methinks he's having troubles getting a new bank....

Quote:

Dear Bruce,

Iam trying my best to get in contact with them.So that i we can get this done on time I dont know if you can call them and ask what is happening with the bank so that you will feel iam playing games with you.Please let me know if you will like to call them and ask.Reply asap.

.

Well, I don't know if he is playing games with me, but I'm certainly playing games with him.

So I come back with a slightly less aggressive style ...

Quote:

Listen mate, this is your show. You're in charge as well as the bank goes [I meant to say, as "far" as the bank goes .. gah]. I know it's not your fault, but geez, it'd be nice to have a bank we can depend on for five minutes before it becomes unavailable again.

Anyway, I reckon if more than one of us got on their case, they'd probably never get anything done. So keep at them mate. And if they don't come through with the goods, how about we try a different bank, huh?

Cheers mate,

=====

He wants me to contact the bank??

Quote:

Dear Bruce,

Will you like to call them so that they will know you are serious to open an account with them.Reply asap.

.

He has GOT to be kidding. Off come the gloves.

Quote:

Of course I'm bloody serious to open an account with them! But it looks to me like they aren't serious enough to stay open long enough for me to bloody well open an account!

Tell me this: ARE THEY OPERATIONAL? If so, tell me where to go to open the account. If not, find another bloody bank so I can open the account.

If you can do neither, forget it; I've had enough of this fucking around. I have been patient long enough. If this bank can't handle our transaction, find one that will.

Put up or shut up time, Quin; either this bank you seem to like so much does what it's supposed to do and acts like a BANK, or I take my business elswhere.

Now can you and get your respective arses into gear? I am rapidly running out of patience why I should waste my time on a transaction that's beginning to look more and more like it's never going to go through, the way you're fart-arsing around.

Get a wriggle on, mate.

=====

Now that mail went to on the 27th, and he hasn't gotten back to me yet.

However, in the meantime, I have the fourth to add to my collection. He's mailed me, I've replied, he's answered and the bait is on! Mr. Green

In the meantime, a secondary mail sent to II has reaped no replies; looks like he's full-time engaged looking for a bank with which to screw over good ol' . Which suits me fine; if he's busy doing that, he's not scamming anyone else.

Posted: Mon Nov 29, 2004 1:16 pm

Update on IV - I can't tell you much as yet, but the signs are very promising that I will get a bank to kill very soon indeed...

In the meantime II seems to be scrambling frantically to find another bank to feed me.

Damn, now this is what I call a win/win situation. Mr. Green

Posted: Wed Dec 08, 2004 3:15 am

Well, the situation with IV seems to have petered out. I'll send him a hurry-up soon, but right now ... well, we'll get to that.

Anyway, here's the correspondence from WQ4 (hey, that sounds like a title for a movie! Mr. Green

):

25 November:

Quote:

MR.
HANG SENG BANK LTD.
DES VOEUX RD. BRANCH,
CENTRAL HONG KONG,
HONK KONG.

Dear sir/Madam,

Let me start by introducing myself. I am Mr. credit officer of the Hang Seng Bank Ltd in Hong kong. I have a concealed business suggestion for you.

Before the U.S and Iraqi war our client General. Ibrahim Moussa who was with the Iraqi forces and also business man made a numbered fixed deposit for 18 calendar months, with a value of ($20.5 M)Twenty million Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars only in my branch. Upon maturity several notice was sent to him, even during the war early this year.

Again after the war another notification was sent and still no response came from him. We later find out that the General and his family had been killed during the war in bomb blast that hit their home.

After further investigation it was also discovered that Gen. Ibrahim Moussa did not declare any next of kin in his official papers including the paper work of his bank deposit. And he also confided in me the last time he was at my office that no one except me knew of his deposit in my bank. So, Twenty million Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars is still lying in my bank and no one will ever come forward to claim it.

What bothers me most is that according to the laws of my country at the expiration 3 years the funds will revert to the ownership of the HongKong Government if nobody applies to claim the funds.Against this backdrop, my suggestion to you is that I will like you as a foreigner to stand as the next of kin to Gen. Ibrahim Moussa so that you will be able to receive his funds.

WHAT IS TO BE DONE:

I want you to know that I have had everything planned out so that we shall come out successful. I have contacted an attorney that will prepare the necessary document that will back you up as the next of kin to Gen.Ibrahim Moussa, all that is required from you at this stage is for you to provide me with your Full Names and Address so that the attorney can commence his job. After you have been made the next of kin, the attorney will also file in for claims on your behalf and secure the necessary approval and letter of probate in your favor for the move of the funds to an account that will be provided by you.

Once the funds have been transferred to your nominated bank account we shall share in the ratio of 70% for me, 30% for you .

Should you be interested please send me your private phone and fax numbers for easy communication and I will provide you with more details of this operation.

please reply through this EMAIL: [email protected]

Your earliest response to this letter will be appreciated.

Kind Regards

Mr.

I send this back a day later:

Quote:

G'day Mr Quin,

I just got your email. I'm bloody rapt, I am. Sounds just about bloody perfect to me.

My name is , and I live at 38 Wattle Street in Sydberra.

I hope that's enough information for you?

Cheers,

=====

So it isn't long before he gets back to me (via a third email addy):

Quote:

Dear Bruce,
Thank you very much for your response, and your interest in this transaction.

Like I said earlier,due to this issue on my hands now,it became necesary for me to seek your assistance, I appreciate the fact that you are ready to assist me in executing this project,and also to help me in investing my money in your country. You should not have anything to worry about. I will do everything legally required to ensure that the project goes smoothly,it shall pass through all Laws of International Banking. Having resolved to entrust this transaction into your hands, I want to remind you that, it needs your commitment and diligent follow up.If you work seriously,the entire transaction should be over in a couple of days.

READ THE FOLLOWING AND GET BACK TO ME:

Firstly, I will want to know the type of occupation that you do and how old you are. You should note that this project is highly capital intensive.This is why I have to be very careful. I need your total devotion and trust to see this through. I know we have not met before,but I am very confident that we will be able to establish the necessary trust that we need to execute this project.

I am now in contact with a foreign online bank. I now intend that you open an account in your name in this foreign bank.The money would be transfered to your account which you will open in the bank for both of us,this is the best way,I have found,it will protect us from my bank. I want us to enjoy this money in peace when we conclude. So you should listen to my instructions and follow them religiously. Also You have to know that I cannot transfer this money in my name as my bank will be aware that it is from me. This is where I need you.

As result of this,you will have to open an account in the corresponding bank. I will obtain a certificate of deposit from this my bank,it will be issued in your name. This will make you the bonafide owner of the funds. After this,the money will be banked online for both of us. We can then instruct the bank to transfer our various shares into our respective home bank accounts. I will also perfect the documentations with the assistance of my attorney to give the transaction the legal right.

Before I commence,I will need you to send me a copy of any form of your identification (Driver's licence or International passport). I want to be sure that I am transacting with the correct person. As soon as I get these from you,I will commence the paper work. I hope you will understand why I need all these. The money in question is a large sum and I want to ensure that I know you well before I proceed to give you all the details to commence the project.

I will attach my international passport to this mail for your perusal and trust and I will send the name and contact details of the bank and their website to you so that you can commence communication with them. Our local telephones lines could be intercepted easily,so they are not safe for this project.This is why I have installed a more private communication.

Ensure that you keep this project confidential, do not discuss it with anybody,because of the confidential nature of this transaction and my work.

Please reply soonest.

Regards,

.

Of course, I'm very interested indeed.

Quote:

G'day Quin,

I'm bloody pleased you reckon I'm the one to give you a hand with this business. Not that I've done much of this before but hey, how hard can it be? I reckon this online banking stuff must be a breeze, so many people are doing it these days.

I work for , out at the Black Stump office. Basically, I'm a manager, in charge of bunyips and kangaroos. What does that mean? In real terms, it means that when it comes time for mustering or droving the little buggers from place to place, I'm the poor bugger that gets stuck with organizing it. There's a lot of dollars go through this business; bunyips are big money these days.

As for me, I'm 29 years old as of July, but don't mind that. Like I said, I'm a manager, in charge of two dozen blokes, office staff and musterers. And one drop-bear. But the less said about the bloody drop-bear the better.

So anyway, you want a gander at my driver's license. I've attached a scan - well sort of a scan, anyway. Something went wrong with the bloody machine and the colour's up to buggery. But you can read it, mostly anyway. If you can't, get back to me and I'll see about getting a better scan done. This'll probably involve kicking the shit out of the scanner till it works right.

Cheers mate,

=====

With it I included the following drivers licence:
(EDIT: What the hell, might as well post the image.)

(Somehow I don't think I need to write "FAKE" across it, do you?)

Since then there's been bugger-all from him. So a) he's a b&w striped mustelid, b) he's frantically searching for a bank, c) he's twigged or d) he's been clued in on .

Oh well, I'll send him a rocket soon anyway.

Posted: Wed Dec 08, 2004 3:43 am

Well, after a long wait, II has finally come through with the goods!

Here is the saga to date:

After the last rocket, I got nothing for several days. Then on the first of December, I got this:

Quote:

Dear Henry,

I have contacted the bank and i have thier contact address.So i want to know if you can still open the account with or not please reply asap. so that i can know the next step or look for somebody esle.Reply asap.

Qin.

Henry? Henry? Who the hell is Henry?

Same day, I get this:

Quote:

Dear Bruce,

I have contacted them and they will soon get back to me and i will let you know the next step.Reply asap.

Qin.

At least he got the name right this time. So I send two replies:

Quote:

--- <> wrote:
>
> Dear Bruce,
>
> I have contacted them and they will soon get back to
> me and i will let you know the next step.Reply asap.
>
> Qin.

Dear Quin,

In case you didn't get my previous email - yes, I am
still interested in performing this transaction to
both our satisfactions. If you are in contact with
the bank, and they are online again, then please sent
me their address asap so I can make the account and we
can get on with this transaction. I am truly becoming
impatient with all this waffling around.

Get back to me asap,

=====

Yeah, I left his email addy in on purpose. Please feel free to abuse and/or bait him, but if you don't mind, don't get it banned yet please? I might be able to get more banks off of him...

Anyway, my second response (a little harsher).

Quote:

Quin,
This email got hung up and never sent. So I'm sending
it now.

Bruce

--- <> wrote:
>
> Dear Henry,
>
> I have contacted the bank and i have thier contact
> address.So i want to know if you can still open the
> account with or not please reply asap. so that i can
> know the next step or look for somebody esle.Reply
> asap.
>
> Qin.

Dear Quin,

Yes, I can open the bloody account in the bloody bank
- ONCE YOU GIVE ME THE ADDRESS!

I have been waiting, and wasting time, for you to get
the bank to get its act together so that I can
actually set this account up and get moving for the
next part of the transaction. All you seem to be
doing is waffling in circles about how the bank is
"upgrading for hackers".

So give me the address already, and I'll set up the
account. I can't do much without it.

And by the way, the name's Bruce, not Henry. Get it
right.

Cheers,

=====

Nothing comes back from him for several days, so I slam-dunk him with this one:

Quote:

Mr Quin,

You have wasted enough of my time and patience. Do
not bother contacting me again. I am now convinced
that there never was any money, and that this is
merely an elaborate practical joke designed to waste
my time.

I hope you have fun with your next sucker.

Goodbye.

=====

So just one hour later (allowing for time zones) he gets back to me - must've touched a nerve, huh?

Quote:

Dear Bruce,

You can now contact the bank an get back to me.All i need now is the account details as soon you contact the bank.Please apply and get back to me.This is the bank website please if you have applied let me know.

My Regards,

Qin.

I don't reply (because I've logged off) so he sends another one about six hours later:

Quote:

Dear Bruce,

Have you contacted the bank.Please keep me up dated an reply as soon as you get the account details ready for the transfer.Reply asap.

Qin.

Now, I don't check the baiting addy for 48 hours (one reason and another) so the next day (the 7th) he gets frantic:

Quote:

Dear Bruce,

How far have you gone with the bank iam still waiting for you.Reply asap to know the next step.

Qin.

and again (three hours later):

Quote:

Dear Bruce,

I wanted the best for us that was why i took my time.Remember i told you that i will get you the bank website of wish i did yesterday.so why are delaying the transaction now i want you to go ahead and contact the bank and get back to me with the account details.i want your urgent reply now to know if you contacted the bank.Here is the bak website

Qin.

So I've since sent off the letter to the usual authorities, and progress can be followed here. I think it's time for Bruce to have a heart attack - too much stress, y'know? 's gonna have to fill in again (I wonder if WQ will try to cut Bruce out of the transaction this time?). Anyway, watch this space. Mr. Green

EDIT: 's letter to :

Quote:

Dear Mr Qin,
I am sorry that it has taken me this long to get back
to you. On Tuesday morning, when I entered the
office, I found Mr lying on the floor; he
had apparently suffered a heart attack. I know that
he he relatively young for such an occurence, but he
is under a lot of stress these days, and he rarely
takes his blood pressure medicine (and only then when
I nag him).
I called the ambulance, and he was taken away, but I
had no idea what he was working on. There was an
email half-finished on his computer, so I saved it to
"Draft" and shut his computer down. I did notice,
however, that the email belonged to you (if you will
recall, I have contacted you once before regarding Mr
). Now, Mr Goanna is still in Mt Isa Base
Hospital, and he is conscious, but he is still very
weak.
I have hopes that he will be back with us very soon.

Best wishes,

=====
Ms
Personal Secretary: Mr

Posted: Wed Dec 08, 2004 3:30 pm

Damn, that was quick. 12 hours and the bank is dead. Mr. Green

Bruce won't even have to stall when he gets out of hospital. He can get right into slapping the mugu shit out of ... good for what ails you. Mr. Green

Posted: Wed Dec 08, 2004 3:32 pm

I wish I had a pic of daryl the cute little dropbear

Posted: Mon Dec 13, 2004 4:51 pm

It ain't pretty. Trust me on this, dude.

Posted: Mon Dec 13, 2004 5:19 pm

Well, it looks like my rocket to Wang Qin IV actually produced a result! I was starting to wonder for a while there...

The rocket:

Quote:

Mr Quin,

I have sent the information you required. Why has there been no word from you? Please tell me the transaction is still viable. I need this money. Get back to me ASAP.

Yours,

=====

Well, it looks like the word 'money' got his attention.

However, he is changing the script in a direction I don't want to go.

Quote:

Dear Partner,
I have received your mail and i have been trying to fashion out a way in which we can carry out this transaction sucessfully without any troubles or hassles hence the delay,how ever over i have fashioned that the funds should be brought to your door step which i beleive you will appreciate this move.

Before we continue i will want you to read this mail carefully and understand catigorically so we will not make any mistakes at any stage since my bank will soon be rounding up this years financial fiscal quarter and i want this funds to leave my bank withing the shortest possible time.

I have fashioned that this funds be moved to a reputable security company in CANADA who will apply to my bank on your behalf to clear the funds in consignment to their office in Ontario Canada and on arrival of the funds they will contact you for confirmation and verification as it is with your name i will file in and the release of the fund will be made so they will contact you and invite you for claims of the funds you will then have to travel to Canada to clear the funds in person this way we will not find any problems what so ever as you will make deposite of the funds into your account as soon as you clear the funds as you may wish before we will both share our percentagies as we have earlier agreed upon.

The reason why i have chosen that we make use of a security company is due to that fact that 1.This company has been dealing with my bank for years and my bank will not require not too much to release the funds to them with all necessary modalities in place, hence we will not envinsiage any problems when we embarck on this.

2.Since it is a security company the monetary bodies will not interfer in the large funds conveyance.

I would want you to get back to me should you be ready to carry on with this development since you will need to travel to their office in Canada for claims.

The only disadvantage here is the intitial chargies that the security company will require for their handling.administrative and security which is normally very small though i am not sure how much it is but compered to what you will be claiming it is nothing.

I wait to hear from you in this regards asap so i can advice you on the next step since i have already scheduled that this be conclude with 5 bankng days and i will take care of all expenses from my end untill teh funds arrive in the company in Ontario.

Hope to have informed you correctly.

Regards,
Mr..

I'm not gonna be in that!

Quote:

Dear Mr Quin,
I had it to understand that we would be transferring the funds via an online bank account. Please do not be changing the plan now. I replied in my trust of you, and I would be very unhappy if you did anything to make me think that I didn't trust you anymore.

=====

I think the 'T' word brought him around. Mr. Green

Quote:

Dear Partner,
I have received your mail and i understand your plight but i was with the intension that since you did not respond to me on your acceptance of the online banking i felt compeled to search for a more convinient way that we can carry on with this transaction smoothly without any problems as the case may be.

But since you have indicated to me that you prefer that we make use of an online banking i will immediately contact one of our correspondence bank in Either UK or Netherlands since the laws of the Netherlands are relaxed and the Uk banks are highly respected so we will not have any problems at all.

I will let you know the next step as soon as i get in contact with the online bank with which you will have to activate an account with so i can commence with the porocess of tansfering the funds asap as this will be the fastest way to conclude this transaction.

I will get back to you asap.

Regards,
Mr.Wang.

So now I butter him up some more...

Quote:

Dear Mr Quin,

I am sorry that I gave you that impression. I don't want to hold this transaction up in any way, so I will accept your choice of online banks, not having any sort of expertise in this matter at all.

However, if there is a choice in the matter, then I guess I would prefer to go with a UK bank, as at least I speak the language of that country. I have no idea how to speak Dutch and I don't want to have to learn.

I have full confidence in you, my partner, and I await your instructions in this matter.

Cheers,

=====

Now he throws some business-ese at me:

Quote:

Dear Partner,
I have conclude discussion with the law firm and he has agreed to render his servicies to us on your behalf though his service chargies are very high but he has assured me of his utmost servicies which i am very comfortable with,he has adviced that you write an Authorisation letter stating that you have Authorised Kim,Chang & Lee to represent you on your behalf for the release of your inheritance with the Hang Seng Bank Hong Kong with account number FDA 212-83493-1 HSB to be transfered to Verizon Bank London 10 Blaker Court Charlton London SE7 7ER.

This leter you should please write on your companies letter headed paper and signatures on it to officialize it as the attorney stated that he will need this along side with his documents to be presented to my bank by tomorow as he has already booked a date with my bank for tomorow so without any delays i want you to immediately prepare this letter and fax or scan and send it to me by today so i can send it to him asap so he can meet with the schedule for tomorow,meanwhile i will be sending to you all copies of the documents for your keeps on procurement so you can study them as well.

My Direct fax:+85230101939.

Most importantly keep praying that the application be granted and if it is granted by tomorow i can commence transfer same day to the UK bank and the funds will arrive there within 48hours since it is a swift wire.

I hope to have informed you corectly and i wait to hear form you urgently.

Regards,
.

and a little more bullsh*t to baffle me with ...

Quote:

Dear Partner,
Lest i forget do include your full contact addresses and phone numbers/fax in the letter of authorisation as well as i will also need to speak with you verbally for a better understanding.

I await your swift reply.

Regards,

But he's forgotten the most important bit - what's the bank addy? I risk tipping my hand here -

Quote:

Listen mate, I'm out of the office right now, so I have to make this quick. Can you send me the online bank website so I can set the account up and then I'll send it and my other information to you first thing Monday morning.

I wouldn't normally ask this, but I tried to find Verizon online and came up blank. Does this bank exist? Please send me the URL to reassure me.

Cheers,

=====

He takes the bait.

Quote:

Dear Partner,
I have been out of town hence the delays to respond to your mail,as i have explained to you earlier that i want this funds to be transfered out of my bank as quick as we can since we will soon be rounding up this years financial fiscal quarter please do activate the account asap so i can commence with the necessary process of transfer and do send to me the letter of Authorisation as i have requested as we do not have much time.

You can brows the bank online and activate the account..

I wait to hear from you asap.

Sincerely,
.

The header to that last mail is "Act Swiftly" - and I did Mr. Green

has been reported here.

Now to see what happens next...

EDIT: It went down the next day Very Happy

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