My very first bait - Comments and tips?

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 18 Jun 2016 Posts: 27

Hello everyone! This is my first ever bait, and even though I'm receiving lots of valuable feedback from my mentor I thought some of you might enjoy to chime in with a few hints as well or suggestions for where to take it Cool

In addition, I think it might be quite worth the read because this lad is just priceless.

I'll mark my own text blue while his is red, making it easier to read. Some of the information like the phone numbers and names will be given proxys Smile

I've been replying to him once a day or so, which means this bait has been going on since the 20th of June or so.

It starts off with the standard "I'm gonna ship you lots of gold" mail, and I'm playing the role of a slightly unhinged scottish pigrancher.

Here's my response:

Quote:

i'm a pig rancher in scottland, so don't know much about gold. but maybe i can help. im rly good at selling things.

derek

He responds and attaches a couple of faked documents which I don't bother checking out.

Quote:

Dear Derek,
Many thanks for your response and your readines to help me receive the gold in your country. what i want is for you to receive it,sell it and invest the money inyour country, maybe invest the money in your pig rancher business because i will be retiring from the customs anytime from now so that i can come over to scottland and live with my family, but the problem is that i am a civil servant and i don't have money for the shippment, can you help me? if you can please go and check the cost of gold in your country and get back to me so that we can move forward. Please find attached my identification card and the Certificate of Origin of gold to show its legality.You can reach me on telephone number +0000000000 for further discussions.
Best regards.
Idris.

Since he'd really like to speak on the phone I provide him with the number to that Lenny-bot which someone posted here on the forums Very Happy

Quote:

don't worry, gold price in my country is very good. to invest it in my ranch will be a very good idea, pig ranching is the future. i have some money we can use for shipment, but u will have to help me convince my son because he helps me with my economy... i can't speak with you on phone, because my hearing was damaged in an accident with the animals when i was young. but if its important u can call my uncle lenny on +00000000000, he usually takes calls for me. but he is old so you need to speak loud and clear so he will understand.

can i trust you?

Quote:

Thank you so much for everything, i called uncle lenny this morning but he was not understanding me, have you asked for the price of the gold? I will go to the shipping company today and ask them the cost of shipping 76kg of gold to Scottland and let you know, then you will tell me how to convince your son because i know everybody will benefit as soon as the gold is sold.i appreciate your advice to invest the money into the pig rancher which you will also supervise while i come over with my family.Did receive my identification card and the certificate of origin of the gold that i sent you by attachment yesterday?let me know the time you will be with uncle lenny so that i call you.
Yes you can trust me Derek!
Best Regards
Idris.

Quote:

sorry for uncle lenny. he is very old so you need to speak loud and clear for him to hear you.

it is very nice to do business with you, i think we will both be very satisfied.

i did not get ur identification card or certificate of origin, can u send again? maybe i can show my son and he will agree. tomorrow is important election in brittain so we will be in church praying.

He attaches the documents again as well as follows my lead and goes off talking politics! That's great Wink

Quote:

Dear Derek,
Thanks for the mail, I attach again my identication card and the certificate of origin of the gold for your perusal, i am still hoping that the shipping company will complete their arrangement for the shippment and give me the cost. They demanded for your adddres and telephone number to enable them chart the cost.Derek i know your son is protecting your interest, you need to explain to him that what you are doing is something that will benefit everybody. the Briexit, are you for or against?
Regards
Idris.

I try to convince him to fax me the documents instead

Quote:

deer idris. the files you sent me still can't be opened. i think it has something to do with my computer being very old. is it possible for you to send them through fax? that would be much easier for me.
do you need my work addres or home addres?
we need brexit cuz european union does not like pig farms. if we leave eu you and i can get more money from investing the gold. if we leave eu it will also be easier for you to visit with your family.

And he agrees to!

Quote:

Dear Derek,
Please send me your fax number let me see how i can send it to you by fax. You can send your work address so that you can receive it your self. I have gone to a licensed shipping agent but the cost he gave is too much but i will still visit another one this morning to compare the cost although his cost was self explanatory.i pray we win to leave the eu so that our investments will yeild much dividends and also give me the opportunity to come over with my family.
Regards
Idris.

Before I reply he sends me another email

Quote:

Derek
I am still waiting for the fax number and address.
Idris.

I use a program to auto-generate an address in Scotland and create an online fax to see if he can send it there.

Quote:

hello mr. idris. you can fax me to (855) 711-<snipped> . you can give them my work address

<snipped>
BISTERNE CLOSE
BH24 <snipped>

mr. idris, i am worried about security. is the shipping company reliable?

Apparently my online fax isn't working. He also goes off about security being perfectly fine, but that won't do!

Quote:

Derek,
I received the information you, i have tried to send the fax to this number +4485<snipped> 596 but it keep saying i have dialed a wrong number please check the number, I will forward the address to the shiiping company as soon as i conclude with them. You don't need to worry about security every document needed for the shippment will be procured and sent to you shippment so you will not have any problem because if you have problem i have problem also, i will do anything humanly possible to see that the gold gets to you hence we pay for the documents and the shipping cost. You should also know that am still a serving custom officer so you don't have any problem. please check the number and get back to me.
Regards
Idris.

I create another online fax to give him, and keep questioning security. We should totally start using codewords!

Quote:

hello mr idris. i am very happy you take this seriously. i don't know why you can not send it. when sending fax internationally you need to type dial out code (for example to dial out of your switchboard) + international call prefix + country code + fax number. i think it will be better if you fax me at my home fax 8<snipped> -2464 instead of my work fax. if it does not work get back to me and we will fix it together.

my wife had a good point, she think we should send you the money for shipment cost through western union. does that work for you?

i am worried about security. i think that someone might use my computer and read our conversation and try to take our gold. i think we should create codewords so we are 100% safe, what do you think?

Apparently this fax isn't working either. Idris also takes initiative and calls Lenny again! Not only that, he also decides to rename him "Lenin". That is a great idea! I can but concur.

Quote:

Dear Derek,
I have tried to send the fax to your home number you gave me but it is still saying that the number is not correct, i tired uncle Lenin's number and it rang and i spoke to him although he was not hearing me, please check that number and get back to me am on the net now waiting so that i can get the number and send the fax to you. but can't you go to a cyber cafe and ask them to print that attachment for you? there is no need to worry about security because the gold has to be insured before shippment and if anything happens to it on transit the insurrance company will pay.
Idris

Quote:

I have not received heard from you, am still waiting.
Idris

I keep going on about how fax is the only way, that we should use codewords and that Uncle (now named) Lenin has been partying all night because of Brexit

Quote:

that is very strange. i live in a very rural community, going to a cyber cafe will take me at least 2 hours by car - so the soonest i could go is next weekend. could you please try faxing just one more time? try sending it only to 855-260-xxxx and don't add any other letters like country code.

it is good that the gold is insured. my wife is a bit worried someone will try to steal it, so could you fax the insurance documents when you fax the certificate of origin? if you don't have the insurance documents with you i really think we ought to proceed with the code.

uncle Lenin has been up all night celebrating brexit, so he is tired i think. did you celebrate brexit? we can get much more money from the gold now.

The fax still isn't working, and Idris is confused by the code.

Quote:

Dear Derek,
I have tried and it is still saying incorrect number so i don't know what to next, i wanted to make sure you have this information so that you know whom are dealing with.the insurrance document will come we pay for the shippment it the shipping company that will insure it and give me the document to send to you.i don't understand the code you nare talking about can you explain more and also tell me what next .May be i can look for some else?
Idris.

I get tired of the fax issues, so I just pretend that I received them. I also provide him with the super-important code - will he agree? As I said, this way our mails will not look strange at all!

Quote:

thank you very much mr idris! i was so happy today when i checked my fax and had gotten the certificate of origin from you. the documents look really good!!

i spent all day coming up with a code, so that we will be safe even if someone reads our correspondence. the eu is currently trying to take extra taxes from us because we are leaving eu, so they might try to take our gold. i think we should use the following code:
gold - boars
usd - piglets
western union - boris johnson
bank - giant gummy lizard

please call me "grandpa" in all further emails. is this ok with you? an example is "im going to the giant gummy lizard to send you 300 piglets for the shipment cost of the boars". that way it will not look strange, because everyone knows i work with pigs.

could you please get back to me with the measurements for the boars. i need to clear out the pigsty to make room to store the boars there before we can sell it

grandpa

He does!

Quote:

Grandpa,
thanks for the mail,the code is okay but the cost of Freight, Assay report and Inssurrance of the boars is 3,400piglets. the piglets should be sent to mr ikechukwu of ghana he is the boars shipers agent. i have sent your address to them.send the information from boris johnson to me by message on this phone number +00000000000 immeditely you send the piglets.i will send you documents as soon as the boars leaves ghana. the eu cannot do us anything before they start the implementation of their taxes our boars must have been sold.
Waiting for your response.
idris.

Quote:

Grandpa,
what is the news, am still waiting to hear from you.
Idris.

I immediatly slip up and say "gold" instead of "boars", and I try to build up the "us vs them" mentality

Quote:

hello idris. did you get the measurements (volume, form etc) for the boars that i requested? i need to make room in the pigsty to store it there. i was thinking we could have the gold in the shape of pyramids, it will be easier to stack that way. can you arrange it?

we will speak more about the piglets and freighting when we get closer to the shipping date, but on a first glance it seems acceptable to me. i will of course still need the approval of my son, as he has the legal jurisdiction of my economy - but don't worry about that. you and i will fix it together.

grandpa

But he does not seem to care or notice

Quote:

grandpa,
the boars are in bars of 6inches each and the total volume is 76kg, remember you have not told me the value of the boars in your country and also what will be your percentage after the sales of the boars.the company is ready to ship the boars but they are waiting for me.
idris

I try to get him to do some more work

Quote:

ah, thank you idris. i'm going to the boar-store tomorrow evening to check how many piglets we can get for each. however before that i need to know the amount in pounds, we don't use traitorous kilograms in scottland.

were you able to change the boars into pyramid shapes before we ship them? i will of course cover all the costs of that when i send you the piglets for shipping fees through boris johnson.

grandpa

He is getting tired of the game and attempts to pressure me. Unacceptable!

Quote:

Granpa,
my wife asked me last night why i will be planning to send you this quantity of boars that worth millions of piglets without talking to anybody on phone or have your identity, picture or passport that it is not good. she is saying you should send your sons telephone number or your wife so that i can speak with one of them hence you are have hearing problem. i hope this is right. i checked on the internet today and the cost of boars at the LME is 40,000piglets for 1kg.but i can give it to you for 28 piglets for 1kg because you are paying for the shipment and inssurrance.
please let me know your stand on all these as soon as possible.
Idris.

I respond appropriately, and to show my good faith I write "picture.jpg" and make it look like a clickable link

Quote:

idris. i must confess i was both appalled and insulted at your previous email. remember that it was you who found me online, and being a good judge of character you knew you could trust me and contacted me. you haven't even asked me about my photo or passport, or given me yours. if we are going to do business together and i will come and let you and your family stay at my farm in scotland i expect to be treated like a proper partner.

remember, both me and uncle Lenin have gone out of our way to make this work. today i even went to the big gummy lizard and withdrew piglets for the shipping. i expect you to put an equal amount of effort into this deal. you owe me an apology.

however as a sign of good faith i'm linking a copy of me and my family here picture.jpg

grandpa

He ignores my previous mail, how shameful of him

Quote:

grandpa,
what is the situation please let me know.
idris

I keep pushing for an apology, use a couple of codewords and remind him of glorious Uncle Lenin's existance

Quote:

idris. did you receive my previous mail? before we proceed with business i think you should say sorry for your email to me dated the 30th of june. if we're going to do business together you need to act like a professional. i spoke with uncle Lenin about this and he thought that we should put the piglets back in the giant gummy lizard, but i told him that idris is a very good person and must only have been tired that day. is that the case?

Idris believes he doesn't owe me an apology and that my link isn't working. He is clearly misguided here.

Quote:

Granpa,
I dont' owe you any apology beacuse my request is right and there is no way you can do business of this magnitude without at least knowing whom you are dealing with or anybody related to him either on the phone or any other article. well if you say i should trust you no problem because business is all about trust.right now the shipping company said the address you gave is not valid, am just cut in the web, you can go and keep back your piglets at the giant gummy lizrad and lets clear the air before the boars can be shipped, your picture.jpg. is not downloading and i know you don't have mine also, so let us arrange these things before you send the piglets for shipment.
Idris.

I switch to an even harsher tone, and make up an excuse about my proper address being in old gaelic, which is why they can't find it

Quote:

idris.
i'm very worried about the tone you're writing to me in and don't know why you feel this way. i have frequently gone out of my way to arrange things for you, yet you seem to not be bothered at all by the attitude you're writing to me in. how can i possibly believe you are taking this matter as seriously as i am when you even refuse to say "sorry"? i know that, unlike me, english is not your native tounge so ill give you the benefit of doubt that this was all due to wording mistakes on your part. i urge you to apologize so that we can get back to doing business properly. this is after all a very lucrative deal.

in regards to your other points, i agree with you. it is better if we first build up more trust and clear the air before we continue. i'll send Lenin back to the giant gummy lizard meanwhile, as its inappropriate to keep the piglets at home in my mattress. there are after all so many of them. we will speak more about this after you get back to me.

i don't know why the link isn't working. it works perfectly fine for me, so this must be an issue on your part. have you discussed it with your computer support? in regards to my address it might be because of the spelling. the actual address is written in old gaelic, which precedes english in these regions. if you could ask the shipping company to get in contact with me i'll help them sort it out.

grandpa

I receive my apology! It even has a fancy headline:

Quote:

SUBJECT: Apologies Grandpa
Grandpa,
I apogolize for whatever wrong i have done trying to be sure of whom am entrusting my future investments into.Based on what you said about my computer connection i have to opened this email address to see if you can get my identification and also send yours to me through this medium.
i will reach the shipping company tomorrow and ask them if i should give you their contact because they will contact you if they have received the piglets for the shipment of the boars.
please find attached again my identification and certification of origin gold, click on it and it will open for you to see it.
Idris.

I forgive him, but the silly files he keeps sending me are obviously broken

Quote:

idris. i was very happy today when i received your reply today. it is reassuring to know you are prepared to do this on equal terms.

i still can't open your files, but i'm going to Aberdeen on wednesday so i'll try to fix it there.

get back to me when you have contacted the shipping company.

grandpa

Quote:

Granpa,
thanks for the mail and your readiness for us to move forward in this project, i went to the shipping company today and they said that they donot have any problem with your address for now because they must receive the piglets for the shipment, get the assay report and do the inssurrance before shipment and they must contact you to reconfirm your address before shippment.
So if you come back from Abeerdeen tomorrow you send the piglets to them and send me the information.
Idris.

I blabber some nonsense and ask if I should contact the shipping company in Pyongyang. Their HQ is surely in North Korea's capital

Quote:

idris.
there is no need to thank me, i'm simply doing my duty as a pigrancher. we have a very good community, it even has some people in it.

will you send me the assay report and inssurrance that you mentioned i need in your previous mail? will the shipping company contact me through this email or do i visit their mainbranch in pyongyang?

grandpa

A quite boring response. He's just confused

Quote:

Grandpa,
are you back from Aberdeen? did you get the documents i sent? were you able to send yours? what is the next step please let me know. the assay report and insurrance are all included in the cost of shipment its only when they get the piglets that they can get those documents and i will send them to you before shipment. the shipping company can only contact you when you pay them for the shipment and i don't understand what you mean by their mainbranch in pyongyang? please explain!
Idris.

Quote:

good morning idris. i just returned from aberdeen and received your documents. but im very confused as to what you need me to do, please advice me on how to proceed.

should i try sending my picture to you again and contact the shipping company for the details regarding the piglets??

grandpa

Oh, he doesn't care for a picture of grandpa anymore?

Quote:

Granpa,
I am happy you have received the documents i sent because i wanted you to be sure of what you are doing and whom you are dealing with, there is no need sending your pictures again, i advise you start sending the piglets to the shipping company with the name they already gave to me that i sent to you in my previous mail. I reconfirm it in case you have forgotten, the name is :Ikechukwu, Ghana. send the piglets and send the information to me after which the company will contact you to confirm the address for shippment.
Idris.

Quote:

very good idris. i will go to the giant gummy lizard on monday, because it is closed on weekends. i will get back to you when i have piglets which we will send through boris johnson.

grandpa

Quote:

Grandpa,
Ok i will be waiting for you.
Idris.

I send another pointless mail just to annoy him slightly, but to be fair I do refer to him as Lord

Quote:

don't worry lord idris, i will visit the giant gummy lizard tomorrow as i suggested. when i've done that i will go directly to boris johnson and contact you.is that acceptable?

I couldn't write a shorter mail if I tried

Quote:

yes
idris

Well, since uncle Lenin put all those piglets (USD) back in the giant gummy lizard (Bank) I've now reached a security threshhold! Clearly Boris Johnson (Western Union) can't now be used. I suggest that we do a regular bank transfer instead, after all I do need to earn myself my first real (appropriately named) piglet!

Quote:

hi idris. i went to the giant gummy lizard today, but they told me that there is a limit to how many piglets i can withdraw in a month due to security reasons. because uncle Lenin put the piglets back into giant gummy lizard we now have to wait till august the 1st before we can get them out and give them to boris johnson. i told them that it was really stupid and that they should give us the piglets, but they didn't do it. they suggested instead that i transfer the piglets directly to your giant gummy lizard account which can be arranged already tomorrow, and that you then give the money to the shipping company.

what do you think? should we wait or should i transfer the piglets directly to your giant gummy lizard account?

sincerely,
grandpa

So now he's going to haggle with the "shipping company"

Quote:

Grandpa
i understand what you said but i will go to the shipping company and check if they will give their account with the giant gummy lizard so that you send it to them or we wait till august as you said.
i will get back to you.
Idris.

Lord was a quite lousy title, so I promoted Idris to padawan. I also throw in a carrot to encourage him to proceed!

Quote:

thank you padawan idris. please remind them that it is very important that we do this quickly and ship the boars before brexit, or eu will try to take it from us. if they agree to this they will also get many piglets because of what we are sending them in shipping fee. if they agree tell me as quickly as possible so i can schedule another visit to the giant gummy lizard

grandpa

And that is how far I've currently gotten. What are your thoughts? Do you have any suggestions of how to proceed? Seeing as it is my very first I am quite satisfied so far Smile

Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2016 10:17 am

L's phone number is a baiter secret. Don't post baiter secrets in areas of Eater visible to outsiders. Main is visible to outsiders; HH&T is not.

Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2016 10:31 am

Looks like a good bait so far. If you make Boris Johnson difficult enough that the only way to ship the piglets to him is the great gummy lizard, then you can score a piggy. Very Happy

Not quite a Newb Joined: 18 Jun 2016 Posts: 27

vonpaso xlura wrote:

L's phone number is a baiter secret. Don't post baiter secrets in areas of Eater visible to outsiders. Main is visible to outsiders; HH&T is not.

Thank you. I've edited the post so that the number is no longer visible

Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2016 11:37 am

As said, great baiting! I'm looking forward to read updates!the

Your mentor must be really skilled. Probably handsome too. Cool

Keep up the great work, Hohenheim, thanks for the entertaining read Thumbs up

419Eater is my life Joined: 11 Sep 2015 Posts: 335

Great and entertaining straight baiting Hohenheim. Keep up the good work! Hope to read more from you in the future.

Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2016 12:09 pm

I love the code word modality.

Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2016 12:10 pm

Well done, Hohenheim!
Very amusing. Looking forward to reading more.

Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2016 12:38 pm

What a great straight-bait!

I laughed so much when he started calling Uncle Lenny "Lenin".

Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2016 12:44 pm

I, too, have always enjoyed the code word modality.

Please know, I did take the liberty of snipping some of the phone numbers and addresses of your character. I'm sure you wouldn't want your lad, or future lads, finding them (a sober mentor would have mentioned that).

Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2016 4:18 pm

As a Scot, I find this bait thoroughly amusing - well done! clapping

Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2016 10:53 pm

Your comrade lad sounds disappointed-very nice work

Wyoming Double Glazed Joined: 11 Mar 2016 Posts: 367

Great Job!.. keep it up!

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

Most amusing bait. Really enjoying how funny it sounds with all the code words in place. Especially like the 'great gummy lizard'.. Is it related to gummy bears? Laughing

Not quite a Newb Joined: 18 Jun 2016 Posts: 27

MorganleFay wrote:

Is it related to gummy bears? Laughing

That's certainly what one would assume. This lad however had his own interpretation, as we'll see.

Here's how the continuation went:

Quote:

Grandpa,
they said i should come tomorrow.
Idris

I'm attempting to build up an "us vs them" mentality, I really do want my first piglet after all

Quote:

they told you that? that is not very nice of them. you and i are working very hard of them, and then the employees at the shipping company are being lazy. well, but as long as they can fix it tomorrow we'll all be happy. i would like to send you the piglets before the weekend, so if you could get back to me and confirm the giant gummy lizard details tomorrow morning i will be able to visit in the afternoon before it closes for the weekend.

looking forward to hearing from you tomorrow

grandpa

Ooh, my very first and very appropriately named piglet. This one will fit in nicely on Grandpa's farm!

Also... Did he just remake my giant gummy lizard into a giant mummy lizard? Sure, I'll play along

Quote:

Grandpa,
find below the giant mummy lizard of the shipping company, goahead and send the piglets to the and get back to me with the details.
Bank Name: Guaranty Trust Bank (Ghana)
Bank Address: 25A, Castle Road, Ambassadorial xxxx Ridge, xxxx Ghana
Account Name: Sxxx Company Ltd
Account Number: 2101xxxxx20
Swift Code: GTBxxxAC
regards,
Idris.

I'll see if I can derail him into some totally off-topic conversation while also assuring him that the money is on its way (like that South Park satire of George R.R. Martin: Don't worry! The dragons are coming)

Quote:

idris! very good news. i have now been to the giant mummy lizard and transferred the piglets. the attendees told me that SWIFT international payments can take between 5-7 days to process, so you will receive your piglets some time next week when everything is approved. i spoke with the employees and they promised me they would update me on the status when I visit them on wednesday or thursday to check.

while we are waiting for the piglets we really ought to plan some other things, how much have you planned for when you come visit with your family? how many are you? will we celebrate brexit together? i think the airport in Kirkwall will be the best for you to land at, what do you think?

grandpa

He says he'll celebrate Brexit with Uncle Lenin. Too bad it'll never actually happen, because that would have been quite the sight

Quote:

Grandpa,
That's okay we wait till next week and i will inform the shipping company. i am planning to come alone for the visit after selling the boars and i know how much that is realised if i can start a living with it as a retiree in scottland i will now come with them. i have a family of five and i hope i alone will celebrate brexit with you and uncle Lenin. its ok.
Idris.

I capitalize my "name" for no reason at all

Quote:

that will do perfectly fine idris. i spoke with the giant mummy lizard on the phone and we have scheduled a meeting tomorrow at 2 PM, so i will get back in touch with you after that.

GRANDPA

What?! The giant mummy lizard wants a transfer slip!

Quote:

Grandpa,
tthe shipping company said that you ask the giant mummy lizard to give you copy of the transfer slip which you will send to me, to enable me forward same to them.
Idris.

He's told that the giant mummy lizard has halted the transaction because of... reasons. Clearly the only way is for him to fill out 9 pages of extremely time-wasting and ridiculous forms!

Quote:

hello idris! sorry for responding so late. it has been a very long day for me, i had to travel all the way to the giant mummy lizard and back again and remember that i'm a very old man. i hope your day was better. they told me that due to the recent terrorist attacks in france and with isis the security for international transfers has increased. the giant mummy lizards said that the piglets are on hold until we both fill in some paperwork to prove we are not funding terrorists with the money. they scanned it and sent it to me so i could forward it to you. i filled mine in while at the bank, which is also why it took so long.

i read your mail and asked them about the transfer slip, they promised to provide one as soon as we turn in the paperwork.

the instructions from the giant mummy lizards were that we fill in the documents by hand, and scan them into the computer for easy processing. you can send them either to me and i will give them to the lizards or you can send them directly to the secretary they said. it would take at most 1 day for them to process the paperwork and then you will receive the 3000 boars immideatly.

please get back to me as soon as possible! it would be best if we could ship the boars before the weekend when the shipping company is closed.

grandpa

He can't open them? Those are completely regular images. I don't even need to invent problems for this guy, he creates his own!

Quote:

Grandpa
the document you sent cannot open send it again.
idris

I stick to the "my computer being old" story and just send it to him again. I'm quite keen to see if I can get him to actually fill them in

Quote:

thank you for your patience idris. as always you're being very curteous to me. and i thank you for that. i tried open the files too and they did not work for me either, it must have something to do with my old computer. i tried sending the first form to myself and it worked, so i'm attempting to attach them in this mail again. should it still not work i will try to split them up or use another computer.

hope to hear from you soon

regards,
grandpa

I realize that he's seriously unable to open .jpg files, so I throw him another message telling him to convert them

Quote:

my son told me that the files are in jpg format, so you need a program like windows photoviewer to open it

grandpa

He wants to return to Boris Johnson?! And even forgets to use the code? Well, we got bigger fish to fry. I can complain about him not using the code later.

Quote:

Grandpa,
i can't still open the attachment, if you can't send it while not wait till the 1st of august when you can send it through the western.
idris.

I invent an imaginary computer-savvy maid to fix the problem for us (I just renamed them .png and sent it again)

Quote:

idris.
my maid helped us convert the files to a format you can open and read. i checked that it worked on my computer so it's now 100% good. as i wrote to you in my email two days ago the giant mummy lizard is afraid that we will use the piglets to fund terrorism, so they will not complete the transfer to you or return it to me before you have filled in the documents (as we could then send the piglets to isis by other means). please remember to use the code

write back to me and confirm that you are completing the paperwork, so i can notify the mummy lizards in the meantime

hear from you soon,
grandpa

What? He actually took a look at them and agreed? I guess he must be desperate. Also, what's up with renaming everything? Now I'm grandpapa. That sounds like Mr. Big from Zootopia

Quote:

grandpapa
i have printed the forms and am taking it the shipping company for them to fill and send sack to you
Idris

Quote:

idris. how are you doing? i'm very happy you were able to receive the transfer forms, it looks like we'll be shipping the boars in no time now. did the shipping company tell you by what time they could have the documents filled in? do you think it possible to get it done by wednesday? i have spoken with the giant mummy lizard and confirmed to them that you will send me the paperwork as soon as possible.

grandpapa

He changed his mind and don't want to fill out the forms

Quote:

Grandpapa,
the shipping company said that they are not ready to fill the forms that they receive thousands of piglets in their account in their giant mummy lizard and nobody has ever asked them to fill any form unless they are transfering pigltes outside the country that they fill forms.
they said if am not ready to ship the boars i should tell them and stop disturbing them after all they gave me a name and address with which to send the piglets either by money gram or western union.
you have heard what they said and you have to decide on what to do.
idris.

I tell him that if they don't want to we can just as well visit another shipping company, because I've spoken with so many who are willing to fill them out

Quote:

idris. i don't know where you found this shipping company, but they are clearly amateurs. as i explained in my previous email the forms are not optional - they are mandated by the giant mummy lizard and will not transfer or return any piglets until we have turned both copies in (as you remember i already turned in mine). i have spoken with several shipping companies that are willing to fill them in, so i suggest we turn to the professional ones instead and leave the unserious aside. if they are not interested in 3000 piglets then it does not matter, there are many other more service minded who are.

grandpapa

He wants me to suggest another shipping company, so I guess I'll fake some email correspondence

Quote:

Grandpapa
Please can you appoint any shipping company that have agent here so that we can use them.
Idris

Seems like I won't have to bother after all, before I get to respond he sends me another message

Quote:

Grandpapa,
the shipping company called me this morning that they have decided to fill the forms, that i should give them till the end of today.
i will get back to you as soon as i hear from them.
idris.

Quote:

idris.
i'll be expecting the forms some time tomorrow then. if the shipping company change their mind again you shouldn't worry, i have spoken with several major world-spanning companies who are quite willing to help us so we can just go through one of them.

have you checked if there are any other fees that are required in addition to the shipping cost? or is it only the 3000 piglets?

grandpapa

Oh, they need more time? Sure, the longer you waste your time with this the less time you got being dishonest to other people

Quote:

Grandpapa
i spoke to the shipping company today and they promised making the documents available tomorrow, their fee is 3,400 piglets which i stated in my earlier message to you and nothing more so lets wait for them tomorrow.
idris

I send him a message urging him to fill them in properly

Quote:

idris.
the fee is ok, i'll ask the giant mummy lizard to add 400 piglets after i've received the documents. remind the shipping that it is more important they fill it out properly and correctly than that they stress and we turn in a bad document.

hear from you soon,
grandpapa

As time goes on and nothing happens, I should probably nudge him a little

Quote:

good morning padawan idris.
have the shipping company updated you on the progress of the mandatory paperwork?

regards,
grandpapa

Oh, this is promising!

Quote:

Grandpapa
they said i will get the documents today, as soon as i have it i will forward them to you.
idris

And they arrive! All except 1 page

Quote:

Grandpapa,
finally the shipping company have finished filling the documents, find attached.

Here's a few samples to feast your eyes upon:

Awesome! However, we can't proceed without the missing page.

Quote:

hello sith lord idris!
i received the files and am able to open them. i took a look through and they seem to be perfectly acceptable, you answered very much like i did. we make a good team, don't you think?

the only issue i have is that one of the pages is missing. in my email to you i sent you 9 pages, but in your email to me you only sent 8. did the shipping company forget to fill it in or did you only forget to attach it in the email? i took a look and the page that is missing is one of the de-terrorising questions, the one that starts with "will these funds be used to aide terrorism/scientology?" and "when were the watermelon and honeydew melon discovered?".
on the top of every page it says "ALL SECTIONS OF THIS FORM MUST BE COMPLETED AND RETURNED TO SENDER", so please return to me with it as soon as possible.

grandpapa

Quote:

Grandpapa
the documents you sent were 9 in number but 1 was sent twice and the one you talking about, "will these funds be used to aide terrorism/scientlogy?" they filled and it was sent toy you, so check it the total number of documents is 8 and it was fiiled, scanned and sent to you.
idris.

Quote:

mr idris.
i assure you that there should in total be 9 papers, so if there are less one page must be missing. the giant mummy lizard will not accept them if we attempt to trick them by turning in too few. there were indeed two pages that were very similar, but the questions are different. i've gone through the high quality ones you sent me, and it does seem that it is indeed one of the DE-TERRORISING forms that is missing.

i'm sending you another copy of it so you can compare it with the ones the shipping company provided you with, if it's already filled in just send it to me again immideatly. please look for the question about "when were the watermelon and honeydew melon discovered" to certify that it is the correct form. it should be number 2 from the top.

can we expect to have it done by tomorrow so it's okay for me to book my trip to the giant mummy lizard then? i spoke with them on the phone and they said it was ok to add another 400 piglets to the transaction.

grandpapa

He realizes his mistake and promises to fill the last one in

Quote:

Grandpapa,
i now discovered what you are saying and i have forwarded it to the shipping company for them to fill and send back to me. i will forward it to you as soon as i get it from them.
idris.

Quote:

Granpapa
the shipping company have finally completed the document, find attached the copy.
waiting for your response.
idris.

Here's how it looked:

I figure that as an old man my memory is probably bad, so I add that to my list of traits. Also, my wife is apparently doing missionary work in Glunimore Island (which is completely uninhabited)

Quote:

dalek idris.
i received the final document today and have assembled them in the folder. i will go visit the giant mummy lizard and provide them with the paperwork tomorrow. my wife however has gone to do missionary work in Glunimore Island and she usually helps me keep track of my schedule. could you send me an email tomorrow to remind me to go? as i'm quite old my memory is not as it used to be and i am afraid i might forget to run this important errand.

grandpapa

So I'll be looking forward to your reminder tomorrow Idris!

Quote:

Grandpapa,
that's okay i will try to remind you.
idris

Posted: Wed Aug 03, 2016 6:45 pm

That's some fine work so far, Hohenheim!

I like the form your lad sent -- it looks like he actually put a bit of time into answering the questions.

Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2016 1:25 am

Way to go Hohenheim and welcome to Eater!

Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2016 1:50 am

Nice work. He's fully on board. The forms are excellent.

Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2016 1:56 am

Awesome work!!! bow_down

Lovely forms the lad has filled out for you! Keep it up! boxer

Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2016 2:42 am

The forms are surprisingly competently filled in.

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

Very juicy bait and most satisfying trophies! clapping

here · Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2016 1:14 pm

I like this bait, nicely entangled lad

well done

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 07 Aug 2016 Posts: 7

I am astonished with the detail the lad gave on that form!! Did he not question some of the truly ludicrous questions?? I'm super new to this and am flabbergasted at the things some lads will do to get a little money. Shocked

Not quite a Newb Joined: 18 Jun 2016 Posts: 27

Removed unnecessary quote of previous post - bware419ers

What is posted here is my entire conversation with him, so as you can see he didn't question it Cool

As a beginner in the field myself I can't speak with much expertise on the subject, but from what I've been able to see there are lads out there willing to go through extreme hoops to get your money. A good example of this would probably be the safaris where experienced baiters manage to get the lads to travel around the globe Smile

Those are the exception though, most lads are incredibly lazy and don't want to do any work at all - sometimes even to the point that they'll drop you if they are forced to.

Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2016 11:27 pm

Great read...from one straight baiter to another. WELL DONE!

My very first bait - Comments and tips?	View next topic View previous topic