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MuzunguTheHuntress
419Eater is my life
Joined: 16 Jan 2012
Posts: 459
Location: The nether reaches of lad hell
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Posted:
Mon Jul 18, 2016 9:30 am |
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To catch up on the back story...
https://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=274039&highlight=
3 days. 1407 km. And unlimited lad pain. Priceless.
Kenya parks 3,500/=
Car hire 9,000/=
Driver 6,000/=
Lodging 7,100
Meals 11,000 + bottled drinks
Bar tab 22,000
Taxi 8,000
Prostitute 0/=
64,600/= 646.00 usd, appx.
Most expats use the same services, so when (Andy) decided to go on his little trip in memory of the late Plinkie Pie, I gave him a list of a dozen car hire guys to choose from. He started off Wednesday at an African 8am (noon) from Nairobi to Juja in an Uber. 3k for a 30 minute drive. His driver picked him up in Juja and they headed off to Meru with the understanding that there would be no night driving.
Equatorial nightfall is about 6:30pm, and at 6, they were at Riverbank Lodge near Meru, eating the local cuisine. For a small boi, Andy has some refined tastes in food and *nothing* suits him. Ever. Kinyeji chicken (the local breed) has a wild, gamy taste and a texture something like car tyre. The driver later informed me that his dog loved it, as Andy took one bite and pronounced it inedible. Caloric intake 0. One cup of boiled water and a sachet of instant coffee. Dinner for 2, appx 2k kes ($20)
^^^Fixed image link - bware419ers
Andy then decided he wanted to go clubbing. In Meru. For a lad accustomed to Lagos and Nairobi nightlife, Meru promised to be an experience. And Meru delivered - in spades. An sms appears on my phone near 2am
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Music is good, but client not happy. Prostitute has insulted him and the 500/= price isn't what he expected. Says 9robi gals get 3k. Says his xapa sucked n da bar does too. 22k - he likes too spend |
I reply...
Quote: |
as long as he's paying u.... avoid the ho. Ur wife would b pissed. |
They returned to the hotel (3,500 kes) at 5am, and continued the journey around 8. My phone remains quiet.
Park entry for two - plus the car -1,900 kes (appx. $19). My phone buzzes.
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your friend is a pussy. Cape Buffs with babies crossing road at park entrance, he is putting windows up n trying to take video at same time |
Half an hour later.
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theres no way Plnk would come here. She was mad. And nothing under the stones |
From the driver...
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car stalled. Won't start. Windows up and he insisted even mine. Lions haha. He can't drive a standard, so he is pushing. And scared to death. Where do you find these people? . |
Andy weighs maybe 90 pounds dripping wet. The driver goes about 180. Andy had to push the car, all the while worrying about being Simbas next meal. Unfortunately, he looks quite pleased in his FB post. The comments are most telling. His fellow Ogas are stunned.
The empty cache not withstanding, the safari proceeds. As a bonus to keep the client happy, the daily meal is at Kongoni lodge in Nanyuki. Surely laddy can't find fault with a world-class restaurant. Except that business is booming, which means service at the outside tables sucks. Again, he tries the chicken. 8400 kes later, Andy asks the driver to do a little night driving, as Naivasha is so far... and his introduction to Kenyan roads has been most enlightening...
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6 hour drive = 9 or 10. This place sucks. |
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stopped. Nyahururu. He is angry and sleepy. Took the key and went up without even setting time kesho. 3600/= 4 da nite. |
Around noon the following day, they arrive at the final destination. The road takes them past "Heavens Gate" - and appropriately enough "Hells Gate" - a sign that pentecostal ministers son Andy looks at for a looonnngg time.
The smile before the tears, as the Naivasha rock is also a dead end. Apparently somebody found the treasure in the 4 months it took Andy to make the trip. (7 months as he sees it.)
My phone rang about 1pm. The call recorder s**t the bed, and isn't that always the way. First, I hear Anderson asking if he could possibly be in the wrong place. Then a mini rant about Plnk being out of her mind. Then a sigh... and a pause. Then screaming DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE. And a dead line.
Truly a wonderful way to end his day. Drive drive drive indeed.
Another 1600k in Park fees, and 5k taxi to Nairobi. So over 500 US spent... 3 days in the bush... and a final message from Andy....
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Thanks dear you the best.... Stay easy and blessed |
And a final message from the driver...
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He 4got his receipts. Do you want them? Dat big male buffalo we saw before we left damn near made him shit his pants. Close enough to touch. Tenx 4 da referral. Buffalo was a good laugh. |
You're most welcome, Andy. Your safari was my pleasure. Unfortunately, Andy is now outside of eaters purview. But 4 years and Sunshine's awesome script for Dai Teatime and his assassin's certificate finally comes to an end... maybe.
ETA: Links and if anybody can figure out whats wrong with the couple of photos, PM me please. Posting from mobile is a special kind of hell that should be reserved for lads. |
_________________ Hitlad Anderson .. "you lie Gomer...........
Gomer, what the hell do you want from me, be BOLD to tell me?" (who knew .. Gomer had a sex change?)
Inept with the video splitter, romance lad Ray Robinson .. "...I have never been to Hoosgow but will like to have a trip there on day." <laddie, I hope to help you with that. >
Anderson: ask the Doc if my perfect sperm can make you pregnant and i wont fail. (to my character's recent surgery - a hysterectomy.)
'abeg' challenged "David Nelson", worlds most inept romance lad: se u won dey abuse me ni?? (from english to laddish in 2.5 seconds.)
x8
Last edited by MuzunguTheHuntress on Mon Jul 18, 2016 10:57 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Robert Heinrich der 1.
Baiting Guru
Joined: 10 Oct 2010
Posts: 3877
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Posted:
Mon Jul 18, 2016 9:55 am |
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great safari, congratulations. I'll have a look at the pictures.
is there a way to inform sunshine, that his pet is still hooked to all that crap?
EDIT:
your image-links are wrong.
your link: http://www.scamwarners.com/main/image.php?type=2&user=MzunguTheHuntress&image=20160715_193441-1_r.jpg
the supposed link: http://www.scamwarners.com/main/fx_images/MzunguTheHuntress_20160715_193441-1_r.jpg
change this part "image.php?type=2&user=MzunguTheHuntress&image=" to "fx_images/MzunguTheHuntress_"
this should fix everything (doable via search and replace, not sure if that works on a smartphone). |
_________________ Lagos - Accra - Kasoa (and back) 2x490km Lagos - Nairobi (and back) 2x ~5000km, Nairobi - Mbiri 2x130km on easter sunday, x12 , 6x Penisprint, Dai Teatime / Anderson Frank: but have been there since about 1hr plus no sign of them and was interrogated by the police and almost arrested
Team Eze, 2 lagos - cotonou and lagos - cotonou (he hated it).
The threatening is increasing day by day with different cursed of animals, and i don't know what to do now. ---- am angry for your head |
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MuzunguTheHuntress
419Eater is my life
Joined: 16 Jan 2012
Posts: 459
Location: The nether reaches of lad hell
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Posted:
Mon Jul 18, 2016 10:43 am |
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Quote: |
is there a way to inform sunshine, that his pet is still hooked to all that crap? |
Aside from PM? ... I'm sure somebody has Sunshines contacts.
Thanks for the info, Robert. Will try to edit. I closed 2 browsers accidentally while flipping back and forth for that post. Srsly, mobile is torture. |
_________________ Hitlad Anderson .. "you lie Gomer...........
Gomer, what the hell do you want from me, be BOLD to tell me?" (who knew .. Gomer had a sex change?)
Inept with the video splitter, romance lad Ray Robinson .. "...I have never been to Hoosgow but will like to have a trip there on day." <laddie, I hope to help you with that. >
Anderson: ask the Doc if my perfect sperm can make you pregnant and i wont fail. (to my character's recent surgery - a hysterectomy.)
'abeg' challenged "David Nelson", worlds most inept romance lad: se u won dey abuse me ni?? (from english to laddish in 2.5 seconds.)
x8 |
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Padme
Moderator
Joined: 27 May 2005
Posts: 7433
Location: The Rebel Base
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Posted:
Mon Jul 18, 2016 11:54 am |
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u dey on some natgeowild shit |
hahahahhaaaaa Wow. Brilliant as always MuzunguTheHuntress! |
_________________ "Your knife will surely cut off your head trust me. Useless man zombie."
"Shege danburuba, your end has come. The spirit of all the people you kill is after you now and you can not excape it. See you in hell dan esika."
x2 x6 x2 Acra>Sngpre Acra>Dkr>Rsso>Bmko>Kpndo>Ctnu -Team Woody
Akure>Kano -Amos
x8 x2 Owerri>Maiduguri>Owerri>Lagos>Lomé>Bmko>Kolokani Bmko>Nioro>Bmko>Timbuktu>Bmko>Youri Bmko>Mauritania>Kidira>Dakar>Jail -Team Godwin
's - assorted West Africa safaris, Cyril w/ Spindrift, France-Dublin w/ DSW
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Nailgunner
Baiting Guru
Joined: 01 May 2008
Posts: 8727
Location: ̢̝̣̳̗ͅş̱̖̹͉̬̣̖h̷̗͉̘̱͍̗ͅr͉̙̖̥͡_̛i̦̞n̷͉͈̺̪̯̹E̸͎̫̭̞̙ͅ
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Posted:
Mon Jul 18, 2016 11:59 am |
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Sunshine is around. Just drop him a pm |
_________________
"I still have your name tattoo on me. No woman want me because of this"
"Baster ScamBaiter like you. just leave me alone, and delete my email from you least" |
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bware419ers
419Eater Admin
Joined: 25 Jun 2012
Posts: 21302
Location: Searching for the Platinum Piggie
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Posted:
Mon Jul 18, 2016 12:32 pm |
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Mountain Goat
Baiting Guru
Joined: 01 Dec 2013
Posts: 3797
Location: Sugar, how you get so fly?
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Posted:
Mon Jul 18, 2016 1:15 pm |
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Warmest congratulations, MTH! This is an awesome safari.
Too bad though he didn't get his fair share of what mating season had to offer.
Again, congratulations!
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_________________ Piggies: a few.....
James Clark from Bamenda/ Cameroon to Kano/ Nigeria with Mortal and Osazee
Agent Thomas Pierre from Paris/France to Piz Gloria/Switzerland
Barrister Kiliwangi from Lomé/Togo to Abuja/Nigeria with The Monsignor
Henry Philip from Abuja/Nigeria to Natitingou/Benin with DSW and Yastreb
FUCK YOU JULIA......Lloydjames154
If I see you I will kill you with my hands prostitute you are (Agent Thomas Pierre)
You are a pig with Nigeria accent ([email protected])
FUCK YOU AND DON"T WRITE TO ME YOU FOOLISH UGLY SHRINKY PUSSY>>>> Michael Abramovich |
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MuzunguTheHuntress
419Eater is my life
Joined: 16 Jan 2012
Posts: 459
Location: The nether reaches of lad hell
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Posted:
Mon Jul 18, 2016 2:45 pm |
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Thanks bware and MG. He is trying to move, and spent his deposit money plus some on this. Right now he's in a 6th floor walk-up with a faulty hot water heater. I see cold basin showers and more exercise in his future. Also, his c-panel no longer works and if he ever manages to fix that, his logs are headed to the ether. Our lad is truly screwed. It has been such a delicious pleasure |
_________________ Hitlad Anderson .. "you lie Gomer...........
Gomer, what the hell do you want from me, be BOLD to tell me?" (who knew .. Gomer had a sex change?)
Inept with the video splitter, romance lad Ray Robinson .. "...I have never been to Hoosgow but will like to have a trip there on day." <laddie, I hope to help you with that. >
Anderson: ask the Doc if my perfect sperm can make you pregnant and i wont fail. (to my character's recent surgery - a hysterectomy.)
'abeg' challenged "David Nelson", worlds most inept romance lad: se u won dey abuse me ni?? (from english to laddish in 2.5 seconds.)
x8 |
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Mountain Goat
Baiting Guru
Joined: 01 Dec 2013
Posts: 3797
Location: Sugar, how you get so fly?
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Posted:
Mon Jul 18, 2016 2:48 pm |
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You almost certainly rock! Keep on giving it to them
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_________________ Piggies: a few.....
James Clark from Bamenda/ Cameroon to Kano/ Nigeria with Mortal and Osazee
Agent Thomas Pierre from Paris/France to Piz Gloria/Switzerland
Barrister Kiliwangi from Lomé/Togo to Abuja/Nigeria with The Monsignor
Henry Philip from Abuja/Nigeria to Natitingou/Benin with DSW and Yastreb
FUCK YOU JULIA......Lloydjames154
If I see you I will kill you with my hands prostitute you are (Agent Thomas Pierre)
You are a pig with Nigeria accent ([email protected])
FUCK YOU AND DON"T WRITE TO ME YOU FOOLISH UGLY SHRINKY PUSSY>>>> Michael Abramovich |
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Juan Freizwidatt
Associate
Joined: 18 Apr 2004
Posts: 20834
Location: Hanging out at In-n-Out
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Posted:
Mon Jul 18, 2016 3:27 pm |
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Simply outstanding! |
_________________ "SATAN WILL KILL YOU . BECAUSE YOU ARE A DAUGHTER OF MERMAID"
"HOW DOES IT SOUND TO YOU THAT ANOTHER PERSON IS DEALING WITH YOU AND ASK YOU TO CONTACT ANOTHER PERSON AND NOW YOU SAID THAT YOU WANT TO DEAL WITH THE OTHER PERSON WITHOUT THE KNOWING OF THE PERSON THAT ASK YOU TO CONTACT THE OTHER PERSON"
I apologize again that I will lick the dust from your sandals - Shorty
x4: Shorty
x 16:
US lad w/Capone: ( )
- ATL>DC>ATL>Vegas>Seattle>ATL>San Diego>LA>ATL>Seattle>ATL>WY>ATL>Aspen>ATL (21K+ miles, $11K+ expenses)
Shorty w/bohigal:
- Lagos>Abidjan
Random lads:
- Douala>Korup; Lagos>Cotonou>Parakou; Cotonou>Niger border; Cotonou>Pendjari>jail in Tanguietta; Asaba>Abuja; Accra>Tamale
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Frost
Elite Baiter
Joined: 05 Jun 2014
Posts: 1130
Location: Near a three headed monkey!
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Posted:
Mon Jul 18, 2016 7:26 pm |
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This is amazing. Excellent work, MTH. |
_________________
X 1132
X 854
(ROBERT SMITH - 13 months)
(Maria-Elisabeth Schaeffler - 15 months)
X 2
(barrister Jean Mitchell)
243 x
Kenny Patrick: "YOU ARE INDEED A PSYCHO-PANT !!!" |
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Mortal
Baiting Guru
Joined: 02 Jul 2009
Posts: 3473
Location: Smarter than your smartphone™
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Posted:
Mon Jul 18, 2016 8:42 pm |
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Mad respect for this safari, MtH! |
_________________ x87 x5
Ugly Duckling with Mountain Goat and Osazee : Cameroon -> Nigeria
Paul with Just Cold: Benin -> Lagos -> Abuja
George: Accra -> Togo I really want to do business with you, because i know you are an Angel send to rescue me by God.
x6
GOD PUNISH YOU, GOD PUNISH YOU, GOD PUNISH YOU. Mr. Olisa
Every night a phonecall from you, you talk rubbish. Mr. Olisa
Juan's hidden fries! |
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lighten_up
Wyoming Double Glazed
Joined: 11 Mar 2016
Posts: 367
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Posted:
Mon Jul 18, 2016 9:03 pm |
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WOW!.. Great great work..Just Amazing! |
_________________ Lighten UP!!
x 15 x 54
Long Walk x 54
___________________
Your epileptic in constant response at this 11th hour is quite unfortunate.
Bob -- Is me Mr. Spock ...
Do not send any money to Feathers otherwise he will kill you in your dreams --
: My Hebrew Translator say name it like ASS CREAM PONG. Correct?
Lad: With this insult for my surname i know that you will not have any respect for me
You know you are a cheat. so all that you say is nonsense. What you didn't know is that i know you are fraud |
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Nailgunner
Baiting Guru
Joined: 01 May 2008
Posts: 8727
Location: ̢̝̣̳̗ͅş̱̖̹͉̬̣̖h̷̗͉̘̱͍̗ͅr͉̙̖̥͡_̛i̦̞n̷͉͈̺̪̯̹E̸͎̫̭̞̙ͅ
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Posted:
Mon Jul 18, 2016 9:41 pm |
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it's lovely, really, he got an actual safari. Great job. |
_________________
"I still have your name tattoo on me. No woman want me because of this"
"Baster ScamBaiter like you. just leave me alone, and delete my email from you least" |
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Robert Heinrich der 1.
Baiting Guru
Joined: 10 Oct 2010
Posts: 3877
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Posted:
Mon Jul 18, 2016 10:45 pm |
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^^
and with a bit more luck, he would've gotten nice piercing holes in his butt. buffalo size. |
_________________ Lagos - Accra - Kasoa (and back) 2x490km Lagos - Nairobi (and back) 2x ~5000km, Nairobi - Mbiri 2x130km on easter sunday, x12 , 6x Penisprint, Dai Teatime / Anderson Frank: but have been there since about 1hr plus no sign of them and was interrogated by the police and almost arrested
Team Eze, 2 lagos - cotonou and lagos - cotonou (he hated it).
The threatening is increasing day by day with different cursed of animals, and i don't know what to do now. ---- am angry for your head |
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Esox lucius
Baiting Guru
Joined: 26 May 2010
Posts: 2922
Location: Somewhere down the crazy river!
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Posted:
Mon Jul 18, 2016 11:10 pm |
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Great stuff |
_________________
(Br Joe)
"..May your unborn kids don't grow and may you be burnt to ashes asap ! " CCS
"..Sir we have given you more than 5 different accounts yet you still complaining " SCB
" YOU LOW LIFE SATANIC AGENT, FORWARD THESE MESSAGES TO YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER, THEY WILL DEFINITELY ENJOY READING THEM." RG |
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MorganleFay
Elite Baiter
Joined: 28 Mar 2015
Posts: 1916
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Posted:
Tue Jul 19, 2016 8:35 am |
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Capone
** REMEMBERED **
Joined: 16 Feb 2013
Posts: 10596
Location: Blackacre
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Posted:
Tue Jul 19, 2016 12:59 pm |
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A real safari for Andy-just awesome work! The stuff about the buffalo had me cracking up! |
_________________ X 73 Eco-friendly sty under construction
x 116
Fake law firm sites killed x3
500 in 6-walked
x4
Atlanta-Las Vegas -Seattle-San Diego-Seattle 2.0Atlanta-Jackson Hole, WY, Atlanta-Aspen, CO-with Juan
Ghana-Bouake with Choppa and Dr. Mike
Courtesy of SH Ivory Coast!
Accra-Lome with Choppa
Ghana-Burkina Faso with Choppah
-Accra-Singapore Team Woody
"no! no no money!!! all this was not true! .. "- vlad rant
" i have complained to those who think life is a comedy to those who feel life is a tragedy. " Mr. Pekkar's Problem
Go Gold! |
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Mr. Labowski
Baiting Guru
Joined: 19 Sep 2013
Posts: 2210
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Posted:
Tue Jul 19, 2016 7:04 pm |
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I've always wanted to get a lad to go on a TRUE safari. Well done! |
_________________ Ghana > Bouake Accra > Abidjan > Divo 14-days <a href="https://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=255631&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0">"I slept by de roadside!"</a> Bamako > Abidjan > Bouake Lagos > Lome Birmingham > Looe Cambridge > Looe
Accra > Bouake > Korhogo (Eric & Franklin) 56-days <a href="https://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=272042&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0">"Uzumbo and his gang will kill us here!"</a> Accra > Abuja
Accra > Abuja > Jos > Bauchi > Gombe > Biu > Maiduguri (Eric & Franklin) 40-days
Lagos > Yaounde (Team Humphere) Abuja > Niamey (Archie) "You are circuit of psychological derail bastards"
=2 |
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Justcold
*** BANNED ***
Joined: 27 Dec 2011
Posts: 6971
Location: Happy New Year!
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Posted:
Mon Jul 25, 2016 10:46 pm |
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A safari safari. He's so please with himself in that last pic. Probably as pleased as you were ... |
_________________ * Help Keep Eater Running - Click here to donate
Wimp'd Art Lad w/Mortal Benin/Lagos/Abuja
06/24/2015 Good journey Paranoid.
02/20/2017 You are missed Capone.
10/21/2018 Thank you for the laughs Toomuchfun.
03/21/2019 Keep drinking Grape Nehi, JC. I will, Irish. You win this time. |
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Doraemon
419Eater is my life
Joined: 11 Sep 2015
Posts: 335
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Posted:
Tue Jul 26, 2016 8:57 am |
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Great job MtH what a nice safari! |
_________________ x 443 x 4 x 2
Lagos-Bamako-Timbuktu : Rev Prosper/Team TWAT Sept 2016
Mr. Alex with maggiestail Ouagadougou - Lome - Sapele
Mr. Alex second safari with maggiestail Ouagadougou - Kano
Illuminati Agent L. Ekpoma - Lomé
Illuminati Idiot Ekpoma - Lomé
x 5 x 7 |
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jose_cuervo
Baiting Guru
Joined: 01 Mar 2006
Posts: 8175
Location: Packing Vaseline in my frilly boots, I can’t help if it gets in other places.
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Posted:
Tue Jul 26, 2016 2:12 pm |
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Great job, MuzunguTheHuntress! |
_________________ ~
“I guess a man is the only kind of varmint sets his own trap, baits it, and then steps in it.” ~ John Steinbeck |
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