The Three Faces of Rand Beers

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Posted: Sun Jun 21, 2015 1:33 am

This is a tale of a Lad who forgot who he was supposed to be.

The Scammer
Rand Beers – the “SECRETARY OF THE DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY” who was also a hitman and a loan arranger

The Baiter
Malcolm Reynolds – retired US Marine

Lad messages are date-stamped.
Comments are in italics.

PART ONE - "MY DEAR, THIS IS THE OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU"

We start with a script of massive length and pointless detail

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13 August 2014
U.S DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY,
MG Timothy J. Lowenberg,Adjutant General and Director State Military Department
Washington Military Dept., Bldg1 Camp Murry ,Wash 98430-5000 USA
ATTN:SIR/MADAM
I HOPE THIS MAIL FINDS YOU IN GOOD SPIRIT AND IN GOOD HEALTH? BECAUSE I AM QUITE AWARE OF YOUR LOSSES IN THE PAST YEARS NOW, IT MAY SURPRISE YOU THAT I AM ALSO AWARE OF YOUR CONSIGNMENT BOXES PURSUIT IN BENIN GHANA TOGO NIGERIA SPAIN FRANCE MALAYSIA INDONESIA CHINA AND KOREA .MY NAME IS RAND BEERS,THE SECRETARY OF U.S DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY OF AMERICA , AM IN CHARGE TO MONITORED ALL FOREIGN TRANSACTIONS IN AFRICA EUROPE AND ASIA.LONDON. ETC.
I HAVE BEEN IN THE U.S DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY NOW SINCE THE GOVERNMENT OF PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA, MONITORING THE VARIOUS TRANSACTIONS GOING ON IN AFRICA EUROPE ASIA MOST ESPECIALLY CONSIGNMENTS CASES AND BANK TRANSFER. I DO NOT INTEND TO SPOIL YOUR DAY OR TO PUT YOU UNDER DURESS.
BUT YOU CAN NOT RECEIVE ANY OF YOUR CONSIGNMENTS BOXES PURSUIT, WITHOUT A CLEARANCE FROM THE U.S DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY. HOWEVER, UPON MY ARRIVAL IN BENIN REPUBLIC AFTER SERIES OF MEETINGS WITH OUR PRESIDENT BARRACKS OBAMA AND UNITED NATIONS SECRETARY GENERAL BAN KI-MOON, DUE TO NUMEROUS COMPLAINS FROM OTHER SECURITY AGENCIES FROM AFRICA ASIA, EUROPE, OCEANIA, ANTARCTICA,SOUTH AMERICA AND THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA RESPECTIVELY, AGAINST THE BENIN GOVERNMENT AND NIGERIA OVER THE RATE OF SCAM/FRAUDULENT ACTIVITIES GOING ON IN THIS COUNTRY AND AFRICA.
WHEN I ARRIVE IN THE LAGOS PARLIAMENT IN NIGERIA, I FOUND YOUR CONSIGNMENT BOX CLEARANCE FILE LYING ON THE FOREIGN AFFAIR OFFICE DESK WITHOUT ANY ATTENTION ON A THOROUGH SCRUTINY I DISCOVERED THAT YOUR CONSIGNMENT HAVE BEEN ABANDONED BY YOUR DELIVERY AGENT. MEANWHILE, I WAS MADE TO UNDERSTAND THAT THEY HAVE TRY TO REACH YOU, BUT NO WAY AND THEY HAVE MADE SEVERAL ATTEMPTS TO CONTACT YOUR DELIVERY AGENT BUT TO NO AVAIL.
TO MY GREATEST SURPRISE, DURING MY RECENT ROUTINE RE-CHECKING, I PERSONALLY DISCOVERED THAT YOUR CONSIGNMENT CONTENT DECLARATION DOCUMENTS STATED THAT YOUR CONSIGNMENT CONTAINS PERSONAL EFFECTS MEANWHILE, IT CONTAINS UNITED STATES DOLLAR BILLS WORTH OVER US$40 MILLION DOLLARS, WHICH MADE IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR THE CONSIGNMENT TO BE DELIVERED TO YOU EARLIER BEFORE NOW.
BASED ON THIS PERSONAL DISCOVERY, I AM CONTACTING YOU NOW TO LET YOU KNOW THAT WITH MY POSITION AND POWER AS THE SECRETARY OF U.S DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY, I CAN ASSIST YOU TO LEGALLY CLEAR YOUR CONSIGNMENT FUND, BUT YOU MUST AGREE WITH THE FOLLOWING CONDITIONS. BECAUSE I HAVE CALLED OUR OFFICE IN WASHINGTON,DC FROM LAGOS, WHO HAS BEEN INTERCEPTING ALL YOUR TELEPHONE CALLS, WITH THE HELP OF MTN, TIGO VODAFONE AND AIRTEL NETWORK LAGOS.
I ALSO RECEIVED SOME INFORMATION FROM OUR HOMELAND SECURITY OFFICE IN NIGERIA, ABOUT YOUR EMAILS, THAT YOU HAVE BEEN DEALING AND SENDING MONEY TO PEOPLES IN BENIN GHANA SOUTH AFRICA TOGO BENIN AND LONDON , WHO CLAIMS TO BE THE WESTERN UNION DIRECTOR. YOU ARE ALSO DEALING WITH A BANK, AND OTHER NAMES WHICH I AM STILL WAITING TO BE FORWARDED TO ME FROM OUR OFFICE IN WASHINGTON,DC. WHO HAVE MONITORED ALL YOUR DEALINGS WITH THIS HOODLUM.
YOU ARE ADVICE TO HENCE FORT STOP FURTHER DEALINGS WITH ALL THE ABOVE MENTIONED PEOPLE, UNTIL WE COMPLETE OUR INVESTIGATION. BECAUSE YOUR DEALING WITH THEM IS TERMED AS ILLEGAL TRANSACTION.
I WISH TO INFORM THAT WE THE HOMELAND SECURITY IS ON LOOK OUT FOR ALL THE ABOVE MENTIONED NAME, MOSTLY THOSE WHO CLAIMS TO BE THE DIRECTOR OF WEST AFRICAN DEBT WESTERN UNION AND MONEY GRAM AND PROPERTY RECOVERY BENIN. ALL THIS MENTIONED PEOPLE ARE IMPOSTOR, AND WE INTEND TO APPREHEND THEM SOON.
I WANT YOU TO PLEASE STOP COMMUNICATING, AND DEALING WITH THEM UNTIL WE COMPLETE OUR INVESTIGATION. I WISH TO NOTIFY YOU ABOUT THE LATEST DEVELOPMENT CONCERNING YOUR BOX OF CONSIGNMENT THAT WAS HANDLE OVER TO ME AFTER THE MEETING HELD BETWEEN ME AND SOME OF THE TOP PARLIAMENT MEMBERS OF NIGERIA AND THE FOREIGN AFFAIR MINSTER IN ABUJA CAPITAL HEADQUARTERS NIGERIA, DUE TO THE DELAY FOR YOU NOT HAVE RECEIVED YOUR CONSIGNMENT BOX FOR LONG TIME NOW.
ACCORDINGLY, WE HAVE WAIVED AWAY ALL YOUR CONSIGNMENT BOX CLEARANCE FEES AND AUTHORIZED THE GOVERNMENT OF NIGERIA TO ALLOW ME FLY WITH THIS YOUR APPROVED CONSIGNMENT BOX TO YOU WITHOUT ANY DELAY WHICH THEY HAVE AGREED. THE ONLY FEE YOU WILL PAY TO CONFIRM YOUR CONSIGNMENT BOX RECEIVED IN YOUR POSSESSION IS THE WEIGHT FEE OF YOUR CONSIGNMENT BOX WHICH IS SUM OF $95 ONLY.
IN ORDER WORDS YOUR BOX IS WITH ME NOW AND I SHALL BE COMING TO YOUR COUNTRY AS SOON AS I HEAR FROM YOU AND I WILL BE COMING ALONG WITH YOUR BOX OF CONSIGNMENT,BUT REMEMBER THAT AS THE SECRETARY OF THE DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, I AM A US GOVERNMENT SECURITY AGENT AND I HAVE THE POWER TO GO THROUGH ANY AIRPORT CUSTOMS WITHOUT INSPECTING WHAT I CARRY ALONG.
AND AS SOON AS I ARRIVE IN YOUR STATE I WILL GIVE YOU A PHONE CALL FOR YOU TO GIVE ME DIRECTION TO YOUR HOME ADDRESS SO THAT WE CAN MEET FACE TO FACE AND HAND OVER YOUR BOX TO YOU BEFORE PROCEEDING BACK TO THE STATES. SO I WANT YOU TO RE-CONFIRM TO ME THE BELOW INFORMATION FOR PROPER UNDERSTANDING BY FILLING THE ATTACH HOMELAND SECURITY REGISTRATION FORM OKAY.
BENEFICIARY NAME. . . . . .
ADDRESS. . . . . . . . . . . .
TEL MOBILE PHONE. . . . . . . . . . . .
OCCUPATION. . . . . . . . . . . .
COUNTRY. . . . . . . . . .. . . . . .
SEX. . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . .
AS SOON AS I ARRIVE I SHALL CALL YOU ON YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER THEN MEET YOU IN PERSON AND HAND OVER YOUR CONSIGNMENT BOX TO YOU BEFORE I RETURN BACK TO WASHINGTON DC.
I HAVE TAKEN THIS ASSIGNMENT UPON MYSELF BECAUSE I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU HAVE REALLY PAID SO MUCH ON THE COST OF DELIVERY, BUT NOTHING WAS RECEIVED BY YOU. SO BE ADVICE TO CONTACT ME IMMEDIATELY YOU GET THIS EMAIL NOW BECAUSE EVERY THING HAS BEEN DONE OK. THIS IS DIRECTLY FROM OUR PRESIDENT BARRACKS OBAMA.
ONCE YOU SEND THE MONEY, TRY TO NOTIFY ME WITH THE MTCN FOR EASY PICK UP AND FOR IMMEDIATE ACTION ON THE DELIVERY OF YOUR CONSIGNMENT BOX,FOR YOU TO RECEIVE YOUR INHERITED FUNDS WITHOUT ANY FURTHER DELAY AGAIN . SINCE YOU WAS UNABLE TO RECEIVE IT SINCE .
SEND THE FEE VIA MONEY GRAM OR WESTERN UNION TRANSFER .
RECEIVER'S NAME:. . . UCHE IBE
COUNTRY:. . . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . . NIGERIA
CITY:. . . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . . LAGOS
AMOUNT:. . . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . .$95
QUESTION:. . . . . . . .. . WHAT FOR
ANSWER:. . . . . . . MY BLESSING
MTCN:. . . . . . . .. . .
AS SOON AS YOU SEND THE FEE MAKE SURE YOU SEND ME THE PAYMENT INFORMATION.ONCE YOU SEND THE MONEY, TRY TO NOTIFY ME WITH THE MTCN FOR CONFIRMATION AND FOR IMMEDIATE ACTION ON THE HANDLING OVER OF YOUR FUND TO YOU.ALSO YOU ARE TO FORWARD TO US ANY MAIL THAT YOU HAVE BEEN RECEIVING FROM PEOPLE FOR PROPER VERIFICATION AND INVESTIGATION BEFORE YOU DEAL WITH THEM OKAY.
I HAVE A VERY LIMITED TIME TO STAY HERE SO I WOULD LIKE YOU TO URGENTLY RESPOND TO THIS MESSAGE WITH THE PAYMENT , MY DEAR, THIS IS THE OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU AND HAVE TO COMPLY AND YOUR BOX SHALL BE DELIVER TO YOUR DESIGNATED ADDRESS.BUT REMEMBER THAT AFTER (3 DAYS) YOU DID NOT MAKE THE PAYMENT THEN I WILL DIVERT YOUR FUNDS TO US GOVERNMENT FUND OR NIGERIAN GOVERNMENT TREASURY. PLEASE TREAT THIS AS MATTER OF URGENCY.
SINCERELY YOURS,
Rand Beers
SECRETARY OF THE DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY
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Mal’s answer is, in contrast, brief.
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Mr Beers
The only dealings I've had in Africa (if you exclude UN duties in Somalia) were in Ghana - that's one out of ten - and consignment boxes of cash and hoodlums didn't enter into them. You've been misled.
Malcolm Reynolds
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The Lad stays on script, to no-one’s surprise.
===================================================================
13 August 2014
ATTN: Malcolm Reynolds
ONCE YOU SEND THE MONEY, TRY TO NOTIFY ME WITH THE MTCN FOR EASY PICK UP AND FOR IMMEDIATE ACTION ON THE DELIVERY OF YOUR CONSIGNMENT BOX,FOR YOU TO RECEIVE YOUR INHERITED FUNDS WITHOUT ANY FURTHER DELAY AGAIN . SINCE YOU WAS UNABLE TO RECEIVE IT SINCE .
SEND THE FEE VIA MONEY GRAM OR WESTERN UNION TRANSFER .
RECEIVER'S NAME:. . . UCHE IBE
COUNTRY:. . . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . . NIGERIA
CITY:. . . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . . LAGOS
AMOUNT:. . . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . .$95
QUESTION:. . . . . . . .. . WHAT FOR
ANSWER:. . . . . . . MY BLESSING
MTCN:. . . . . . . .. . .
AS SOON AS YOU SEND THE FEE MAKE SURE YOU SEND ME THE PAYMENT INFORMATION.ONCE YOU SEND THE MONEY, TRY TO NOTIFY ME WITH THE MTCN FOR CONFIRMATION AND FOR IMMEDIATE ACTION ON THE HANDLING OVER OF YOUR FUND TO YOU.ALSO YOU ARE TO FORWARD TO US ANY MAIL THAT YOU HAVE BEEN RECEIVING FROM PEOPLE FOR PROPER VERIFICATION AND INVESTIGATION BEFORE YOU DEAL WITH THEM OKAY.
I HAVE A VERY LIMITED TIME TO STAY HERE SO I WOULD LIKE YOU TO URGENTLY RESPOND TO THIS MESSAGE WITH THE PAYMENT , MY DEAR, THIS IS THE OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU AND HAVE TO COMPLY AND YOUR BOX SHALL BE DELIVER TO YOUR DESIGNATED ADDRESS.BUT REMEMBER THAT AFTER (3 DAYS) YOU DID NOT MAKE THE PAYMENT THEN I WILL DIVERT YOUR FUNDS TO US GOVERNMENT FUND OR NIGERIAN GOVERNMENT TREASURY. PLEASE TREAT THIS AS MATTER OF URGENCY.
SINCERELY YOURS,
Rand Beers
SECRETARY OF THE DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY
===================================================================
Mr Beers
I suggest that you actually read the last message that I sent you.
Malcolm Reynolds
===================================================================
14 August 2014
ATTN:
I STILL WAIT TO HEARD FROM YOU REGARDING MY PREVIOUS MAIL TO YOU DO YOU WANT THE PAYMENT CANCELLED
===================================================================
Mr Beers
You surely read my email - so what's the problem with your brain?
Malcolm Reynolds
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14 August 2014
I can see you are not ready to received your payment
===================================================================
OK, be a jerkwad if you want.
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16 August 2014
Brother
I wish to remind you on my previous mail are you sending the fees no or not, or do you ant us go for change of ownership.
I look forward to heard from you
Rand Beers
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Mr Beers
I am not your brother.
That aside - what do you mean by "do you ant us go for change of ownership"?
Malcolm Reynolds
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Next up - HITMAN!

Posted: Sun Jun 21, 2015 8:20 am

PART 2: "Quickly confirm for your good"

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A month goes by before the Lad tries again with a completely different script.
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23 September 2014
To your attention
I want you to read this message very carefully and that you keep the secret until further notice. You do not need to know me or who I am or where I came from. I was given an advance of $ 200,000 to eliminate you. My sponsors whom we can call a friend, gave me the reasons I reacted. I have more than ten days, and now, I know that you are innocent of what you are accused. Do not try to send this message to the FBI or the police, because I know what to do, and that I'll have to do the job for which I was paid. Note that, this is the first time I betrayed my employer.
Look, I'll do everything I can so that we can meet before, but I need $50,000 from you to back up myself, You have nothing to worry from me, I can come to you at your office or at home, it's up to you. Never attempt to record or film our future meeting. You will have to pay the $50,000 to the account I will provide to you, before i will tell you when our first meeting going to be.
Once payment is made, I will give you the CD that contains the names and requests of sponsors. This is good evidence that could bring them to court if you wish. The balance of the payment will be settled later. For now it does not bother me to give you my phone number because you will cooperate.
I have your picture and other important information about you. I was engaged with my team in the American air strike must come after you and Yemen Arab Republic. You must not ask me any questions.
Quickly confirm for your good.
===================================================================
I gorram well will ask you questions! First you're bringing me a consignment and now you're a hitman? I think you're bluffing.
===================================================================
24 September 2014
Are you sending the fees or we get after you
Quickly confirm for your good.
SINCERELY YOURS,
Rand Beers
SECRETARY OF THE DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY
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You're bullshitting me. DHS doesn't send out hitmen.
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25 September 2014
Are you sending the fees or we get after you
Quickly confirm for your good.
SINCERELY YOURS,
Rand Beers
SECRETARY OF THE DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY
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You are not being serious.
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25 September 2014
Can we advised you how you will send the fees now
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Advised me all you want.
===================================================================
25 September 2014
ATTN:
FOR YOUR PERUSAL SEE ATTACHMENT FOR THE ACCOUNT BELOW WHICH YOU ARE ADVICED TO EFFECT THE $50,000 USD ONCE TO THE BANK ACCOUNT BELOW BY CASH PAYMENT AS BELOW:
NAMES : ABUBAKAR UMARU
ACCOUNT NUMBER: 2024238913
SWIFT CODE: FBNINGLA
BANK NAMES: FIRST BANK PLC LAGOS NIGERIA
BANK ADDRESS: 107 IJU ROAD LAGOS NIGERIA
I AWAIT FOR THE PAYMENT SLIP ATTACHMENT VIA THIS EMAIL ASAP FOR YOUR OWN GOOD
SINCERELY YOURS,
Rand Beers
SECRETARY OF THE DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY
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I couldn’t resist the classic lines from Taken.
===================================================================
Mr Beers
I actually know who you are, so that boondoggle about "You do not need to know me or who I am or where I came from" was so much horse puckey.
I don't have $200,000 to pay you. What I do have is an extensive set of skills acquired through eighteen years of service to my country; skills that would make me the last enemy you ever face in this life. Leave me alone and you can live out your years; come after me, and I will kill you.
Malcolm Reynolds
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26 September 2014
WE SHALL SEE
SINCERELY YOURS,
Rand Beers
SECRETARY OF THE DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY
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You won't see me before I kill you.
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Next up; The Last Gasp

Posted: Mon Jun 22, 2015 7:53 pm

Nine months later…
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15 June 2015
Sir /Madam,
This is to inform you that I have concluded an arrangement with a broker who has agreed to assist us get funds to conclude our project. I advice that you set up and IRA account with any Federal Credit Union bank so that the funds can be wired into the account to enable us implement and conclude our project. I do hope to hear from you.contract sum is $30m only.
and re confirm to me as below details to help proceed now on your behalf.
These are the needed info:
YOUR FULL NAME
YOUR ADDRESS
YOUR BANK NAME
YOUR BANK ADDRESS:
YOUR ACCT NUMBER
YOUR IRA ACCT NUMBER:
YOUR ROUTING NUMBER
YOUR ONLINE USERNAME
YOUR ONLINE PASSWORD
YOUR SECURITY QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS
YOUR PHONE NUMBER AND WORKING NAME.
SINCERELY YOURS,
Rand Beers
SECRETARY OF THE DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY
Secretary Napolitano Bids DHS Farewell | Homeland Security
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He’s sunk to just phishing?
===================================================================
Mr Beers
We don't have a project.
Nine months ago you demanded $50,000 to not kill me.
Malcolm Reynolds
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And that was the last I heard from Rand Beers, secretary, hitman, and loan arranger.

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