The uber-careful Simon von Heinz

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Master of Master Baiters Joined: 09 Oct 2004 Posts: 623

People with a brain may skip the warning and disclaimer part.

Small warning: There are some cursewords and nazi references in here. Overall, it's kinda work safe. Depends on where you work though.

Disclaimer: I don't intend to make fun of anything holocaust related in here. Also, I am far from being one of those nazi scumbags. I don't disrespect Jewish people in any way, unless they deserve to be disrespected for reasons beyond their being Jewish. In fact, I don't disrespect anybody because of their religion, skin colour, shoe size or whatever. In case you have any problems with this bait, PM me. Or if you're a mod and feel like it, edit it right away. I don't intend to offend anyone here, except maybe the scammers and the nazi scumbags themselves.

Please note that there are umlauts in here as well as "�". I hope you can all see it.

I got a mail from this Simon von Heinz dude, a holocaust scammer. I seem to loose him every time I don't fit his script. He sure is a touchy guy. This is his initial letter, in case anyone cares. I advise you to just scroll down.

Quote:

My name is Simon Von Heinz, a member of Independent Committee of Eminent =
Persons (ICEP), Switzerland. ICEP is charged with the responsibility of f=
inding bank accounts in Switzerland belonging to non-Swiss indigenes, whi=
ch have remained dormant since World War II.

It may interest you to know that in July of 1997, the Swiss Banker's Asso=
ciation published a list of dormant accounts originally opened by non-Swi=
ss citizens. These accounts had been dormant since the end of World War I=
I (May 9, 1945). Most belonged to Holocaust victims.

The continuing efforts of the Independent Committee of Eminent Persons (I=
CEP) have since resulted in the discovery of additional dormant accounts =
- 54,000 in December, 1999.

The published lists contain all types of dormant accounts, including inte=
rest-bearing savings accounts, securities accounts, safe deposit boxes, c=
ustody accounts, and non-interest-bearing transaction accounts. Numbered =
accounts are also included. Interest is paid on accounts that were intere=
st bearing when established.

The Claims Resolution Tribunal (CRT) handles processing of all claims on =
accounts due non-Swiss citizens. A dormant account of ORDNER ADELE with a=
credit balance of 35,000,000 US dollar plus accumulated interest was di=
scovered by me. The beneficiary was murdered during the holocaust era, le=
aving no WILL and no possible records for trace of heirs.=20

The Claims Resolution Tribunal has been mandated to report all unclaimed =
funds for permanent closure of accounts and transfer of existing credit b=
alance into the treasury of Switzerland government as provided by the law=
for management of assets of deceased beneficiaries who died interstate (=
living no wills).

Being a top executive at ICEP, I have all secret details and necessary co=
ntacts for claim of the funds without any hitch. The funds will be banked=
in the Cayman Island, being a tax free, safe haven for funds and we can =
share the funds and use in investment of our choice.

Due to the sensitive nature of my job, I need a foreigner to HELP claim t=
he funds. All that is required is for you to provide me with your details=
for processing of the necessary legal and administrative claim documents=
for transfer of the funds to you.

Kindly provide me with your full name, address, and telephone/fax. I will=
pay all required fees to ensure that the fund is transferred to a secure=
, numbered account in your name in the Cayman Island, of which you will b=
e capable of accessing the funds gradually and transferring to your count=
ry and other banks of choice in the world. My share will be 60 percent an=
d your share is 40 per cent of the total amount. THERE IS NO RISK INVOLVE=
D.

You can find additional information about unclaimed funds through the int=
ernet at the following websites:

www.swissbankclaims.com

http://www.cnn.com/WORLD/europe/9902/09/germany.holocaust/

www.avotaynu.com

www.icheic.org

www.livingheirs.com

www.wiesenthal.com

The Holocaust Claims Processing Office has put funds in Escrow awaiting s=
ubmission of valid claims for necessary disbursement.

I find myself priviledged to have this information and this may be a grea=
t opportunity for a life time of success without risks.

Due to security reasons, reply to my via email only. You may reply to me =
securely on the following email,

[email protected] or fax: +448701211909

Thank you for your prompt response.

Simon Von Heinz.

I reply:

Quote:

Sehr geehrter Herr von Heinz,

thank you for your interesting letter. I am very inclined to help you secure the money. I would consider this a great favour for my country and the Aryan Race in general.

My address is:

Wolf-Heinrich von Vorgestern
An der Wolfsschanze 14
64331 Braunshardt
Deutsches Reich

Please get back to me and tell me if you speak German. Ich w�rde das n�mlich sehr begr��en, da mir die Pflege der Deutschen Sprache am Herzen liegt.

Mit kameradschaftlichem Gru�,
Wolf-Heinrich von Vorgestern

Apparently, he's not fluent in German:

Quote:

Dear Heinrich,
I am sorry that I am not good in Greman language but I am happy to receive your information as requested. Tomorrow being Thursday, the work will start with the lawyer as I have realized US$21,000 for payment of legal service charge and to offset related fees. I raised this money by mortgaging my beautiful home as i am sure that in few days time, we will have success and i will be glad to use part of my funds to purchase great homes in different parts of the world.

As i said, the procedure is safe and risk free. I will use my good office to ensure that the process is quickly completed and that the money is quickly and swiftly transfered to safe account in your name in the Cayman Island from where you can start accessing the money through the internet banking service without travelling out of your country and you can issue wire transfer instructions to your country and to any other part of the world, making it easy and risk free to bank the funds and transact with it without risk of unnecessary explanation to the banks in your country asking for where the funds came from. Hopefully, we will receive the notarized affidavit by next and also submit for approval of fund release same week.

Once more, thank you for accepting to be a partner in this venture which is geared to make us great enterprenuers soon.
Thanks,
Simon Von Heinz.

Wolf-Heinrich, a former SS officer, is suspicious:

Quote:

Sehr geehrter Herr von Heinz,

why don't you speak German ? Your name sounds German, so I am confused. I do suspect you are a jew, is that right ? Simon is a Jewish name, isn't it ? If you are a jew, I can't do any business with you. We Germans are proud of our nationality and we don't like jews. For the sake and honour of my race I won't communicate further with you if you are a jew.

So please tell me which side you're on.

Mit v�lkischem Gru�,
Wolf-Heinrich von Vorgestern

He tells me he'd like to be a nazi himself:

Quote:

Subject:��I am not a jew

Dear Friend,
I so much thank you for your understanding, if I am in your shoe I will think the same way. Well I am part of American and part of Swiss. My mother is from USA and my father is a full citizen of Switzerland. So please co-operate for the success of this transaction. All the necesary legal documents needed is completed, remaining your details my lawyer will use in swearing an affidavit on behalf.
Please treat as urgent.
Simon.

I go on and ask about his nose:

Quote:

Guten Tag Herr von Heinz,

I want you to understand that I am very much interested in this business. You must know, I financially support certain organisations here in Germany and any extra money would be appreciated.

But I just have to be sure you're not a jew. Would you mind sending me a picture of yourself ? I am experienced in racial genetics and so I could tell by your nose if you're a jew or not. You shall then also receive mine and we can can go on in this business with much more trust.

Mit v�lkischem Gru�,
Wolf-Heinrich von Vorgestern

He suddenly got the infamous allcapseritis vulgaris:

Quote:

Dear,
YOU CAN NOW CONTACT ME WITH THIS EMAIL ADDRESS AS THE OTHER ONE IS HAVING PROBLEM. I CAN RECEIVE MAIL THERE BUT CAN NOT SEND.
ATTACHED IS MY ID CARD

Attached was this crappy thing that just cries for a slap:

I didn't write fake all over it, because it practically has already fake written all over it, if you know what I mean. Smile

Here is proof of Simon's touchiness:

Quote:

Guten Tag Herr von Heinz,

i received your mail and you said there would be an ID card attached. I didn't find that ID card. I only found a picture that was supposedly created with MS Paint. I hope you're not trying to fool me here, Herr von Heinz !

I can assure you of my utmost cooperation if, and only if, you can prove to me you're not a jew. You can prove this by a REAL photography of yourself, big enough for me to examine your nose. A profile (side view) would be best.

And remember, I am a German, I am not to be messed around with !

Wolf-Heinrich von Vorgestern

I lost him and started baiting him from another account. See next post.

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 09 Oct 2004 Posts: 623

I baited him as Mortimer van Houten, a pretty old Dutch guy:

Quote:

Dear Mr. von Heinz,

thank you very much for your email. I consider this a great opportunity to make money and I am ready to assist you in securing the funds. Please tell me what exactly my part will be.

Sincerely,
Mortimer van Houten

His response, not worth reading:

Quote:

Dear Mortimer,

I am happy to be in receipt of your email asking for more
clarification on what is required for the success of this
transaction. First, I must state categorically that the business is
risk free and is guaranteed to bring us life time of happiness as
very wealthy people. Next, all required legal fees will be paid by me
to ensure success. To facilitate payment, I have mortgaged my home to
have money to pay for all charges.

Lastly, the money will be moved safely and securely into the Cayman
Island, where you can freely access the funds for investment and or
safe keeping without any questions. All that is required is that you
provide me with your details so that i can file for the approval of
release order and the money will be transfered in your favor.

The details required are:
Your full name
Your full address
your telephone and fax number

Upon receipt of these information, I will file for the change of
beneficiary stating that you are the next of kin of the deceased
beneficiary of funds, and a release order will be issued for the
funds to be transfered in your favor. This is a heaven sent
opportunity for us to better our lives and I trust God that you will
not hesitate to respond so that I can start the filing process before
it is too late.

Treat as urgent.

Sincerely,
Simon.

I give him what he wants:

Quote:

Dear Simon von Heinz,

my address is

Mortimer van Houten
Albert Plesmanweg 43 M
3088 GB Rotterdam
The Netherlands

The phone number of my organisation's office is . It may be difficult to get me on the phone, but ask for my assistant and mention the holocaust money. I trust him and you can talk to him about everything as if he were me.

Regards,
Mortimer van Houten

The address and phone number belong to the ultra-right LPF party. I have to credit some member of these forums for the idea of using "" as a name but I don't remember who it was so please drop me a PM if it's you. In case you don't understand what it means, it's something to get the LPF guys upset as hell, if mentioning holocaust money shouldn't be enough.

To add some spice to the bait, I introduced , a lad who was already scamming good old Mortimer. He sent a mail to Simon:

Quote:

STAY OFF MY MAGA !

MORTMIER HOUTEN DIS DEY MY MAGA! STAY OFF! I SENT YOU JUJU MANY JUJU OKOKOK !!!1!11!!!!!! I TEL HIM YOU FUCK GOAT HOW YOU LIKE DIS OK ???????????

NNE GI BU AKWUNNA !!!!!!!!!! OKOKOK

FIRE FIRE HOLY GHOST FIRE! MR HEINZ FIREFIREFIRE !!!11!!!!!!!!

Simon got back to me not mentioning Peter:

Quote:

Dear Mortimer,

I am happy to receive your information as requested. Tommorrow being
Friday, the work will start with the lawyer as I have realized
US$21,000 for payment of legal service charge and to offset related
fees. I raised this money by mortgaging my beautiful home as i am
sure that in few days time, we will have success and i will be glad
to use part of my funds to purchase great homes in different parts of
the world.

As i said, the procedure is safe and risk free. I will use my good
office to ensure that the process is quickly completed and that the
money is quickly and swiftly transfered to safe account in your name
in the Cayman Island from where you can start accessing the money
through the internet banking service without travelling out of your
country and you can issue wire transfer instructions to your country
and to any other part of the world, making it easy and risk free to
bank the funds and transact with it without risk of unnecessary
explanation to the banks in your country asking for where the funds
came from. Hopefully, we will receive the notarized affidavit by
tomorrow and also submit for approval of fund release same day.

Once more, thank you for accepting to be a partner in this risk free
venture which is geared to make us great enterprenuers soon.

Thanks,
Simon Von Heinz.

So I tried to mock him a bit. I replied, quoting a message he never sent me:

Quote:

Dear Simon von Heinz,

why do you send me such a message ? I almost think you are not serious anymore. I don't have any interest in your sexual preferences, I thought we were to do business together and that's it. Let me assure you, the idea of having sexual intercourse with an animal is not at all tempting for me. Please explain yourself.

I'm also sorry that your mother is a prostitute. Can't you, as her son, help her out financially ?

Yours,
Mortimer van Houten

----- Original Message -----
From: "sv heinz" <***@***.com>
To: "Mortimer van Houten" <***@***.com>
Subject: PLEASE READ.
Date: Thu, 18 Nov 2004 11:13:59 +0800

>
>
> Dear Mortimer. I have to tell you some thing. We cant do business anymore.
> I have no time because every day I fuck goats.I have to fuck goats in the morning
> and in the evening.I have no time fr our business.
>
> I fuck goats and I lick goats asses. I am also so stupid and my mother is a
> prostitute. Please dont wrte me anymore.
>
> I must go now, and fuck a goat.
>
> --
> _______________________________________________
> Get your free email from http://www.uymail.com
>
> Powered by Outblaze

He claims not to send bullshit:

Quote:

Dear friend,

I can't beleive what I am hearing from you. Are you sure you did not
send my mail to anybody, someone might have hijacked my mail. I can't
imagine a family man like me to write this type of mail to any body.
I am not the person that send that bull shit to you.

Even if we are not going to continue in this transaction, well thank
you but I must clear my self from you. I am putting it to you that
you send my mail to somebody who send this nasty mail to you claiming
I am the one who did it.

As I am writing to you now, some body just send me mail telling me to
leave his business partner alone. He writes his name as and his emaill address as ***@***.com

Please did you send my mail to him? because I know I did not send any
other thing to you expect this mail below.............

Me again:

Quote:

Dear Simon von Heinz,

why is it that you don't want to continue this business with me ? Let me assure you, I have never given your email address out to anybody. Mr. is an African man who contacted me about 2 months ago because of his wife's bad health (she has cancer) and I helped him out with USD 15,000 for the operation. Why should he have any interest in the business we do ? If you want, I can send him an email and try to find out if it was him ?

Of course I think you're a reputable man, I was just wondering why you sent me this message about your sexual preferences.

Yours,
Mortimer van Houten

Meanwhile, Simon replied to :

Quote:

MR MAN STOP BEING A *DELETED* YOU CRAZY IDIOT.

DON'T SEND ME JUNK MAIL AGAIN OR I SEND FBI TO YOU.

A minute later to me:

Quote:

Dear friend,

I still want us to continue but you do me a favour. As I have found
out that your so called friend is interfering in the
business, I want you to change this your email address and give me
another ID so that will mail you the Affidavit obtain form the
Government and receipt of the money I paid to them on your behalf.

Immediately I get your new email address, I will send you all the
documents obtain so far. Please beware and make it confidential,
don't even contact Peter again on the issue because I now know for
sure that he is the one hijacking your mail. I believe he has your
password, so please give me another email address immediately because
the kind of letter he wrote to me telling me not to contact you
again. I am afraid.

I will be waiting to hear from you, thank you.

Simon.

Peter fires off another one:

Quote:

YOU BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU THIVING BASTRD POOR BOI!1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU WON ME TO SENT JUJU MANY JUJU OKOKOKOK?????????????

YOU TEL HOUTEN MORTMIER CHANGE EMAIL YCCOUNT IT TEL HIM YOU DEY LIAR OOOOOOOOHH!!! I TEL YOU FUCK GOAT AN DONKEY ASSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!

NNA GI NA ARA MKPURU AMU!!!!11!!!!!!!!!1 OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH !!!!!!!!1!!

Mortimer forwards one of Peter's mails:

Quote:

Dear Simon von Heinz,

please find below the message I got from Peter. I don't know what to do, I thought Peter was my friend. He sent me pictures of himself and his wife and his family. I thought I knew him !

Just for security reasons, I have changed the password for my email account. But I can't believe Peter would do such a thing as hacking it. Why is it that you two don't seem to trust each other ?

Please get back to me.

Mortimer van Houten

----- Original Message -----
From: "" <***.***.com>
To: ***.***.com
Subject: ATTENTION Mortimer
Date: Fri, 19 Nov 2004 10:16:35 +0200
>
> Mortimer my friend how are you today ?
> My friend I must warn you about this man Simon HEINZ I suspect he a criminal a thief and big liar. Why do you thrust > him so easily? You dont know him at all!!! Motimer please belive me!
>
> Mortmier regards from my wife she is better but needs an other oparation I will try to raise money for that
> oparation. Please my friend you can thrust me Get back to me as soon as possibl!!!!
>
> Your friend
>
>
>
> Walla! Mail - get your free 1G mail today

Simon replies and lies:

Quote:

Dear friend,

I still don't know the business you have with , are you sure
this man will not hi-jack my money from you if the money clears in
your account? Does he have your bank details? my friend please better
beware. He just wrote to me telling me that I should leave his client
alone, that he still have more money to collect from you. So I can't
understand the kind of client you are to a man in Africa.

I hope you are not been duped by this criminals? Please if have
secure phone number, do give me so that we can talk on phone. The
next email coming will carry the documents I told you I obtain from
the Government by my Lawyer. Please keep this business confidential,
it is only between me and you and no other person.

All the necesary legal document required to transfer the money to
Cayman Island has been paid and obtain by me through my Lawyer. So
just wait for the Holocaust Claims Processing Center (HCPC) to finish
their procedure, they will contact you and give you instruction on
how to pull the money from Cayman Island.

Thanks and God bless you,

Simon.

Mortimer:

Quote:

Dear Mr. von Heinz,

let me assure you, doesn't have my bank account details. All he asked of me was a donation for his wife. She has cancer and needed an urgent operation and I sent him the money via Moneygram transfer. If he wrote to you that he still expects more money from me that's surely because there will be another operation for his wife. She is a good woman and I am always happy to help. Apparently there will be another USD 10,000 needed. But with the money that you promised me, it won't be a problem for me to help.

However, i think that for security purposes, I shall request your contact details, passport and maybe a picture of you. I feel uneasy about doing business with people when I don't know how they look like. I'll also scan a picture of me and attach it to my next mail.

Yours,
Mortimer van Houten

Simon:

Quote:

Dear Mortimer,

God is doing everything according to His will.I received the
affidavit of fact fully notarized by the Head of department, Federal
Department of Justice and Police establishing your relationship as
Next of Kin to the deceased beneficiary, Mr Ordner Adele yesterday.
As earlier discussed, the transaction is risk-free and highly secure
as I have all the contacts to make everything successful within the
next couple of days.

I have also paid for the notarization fee, stamp duty charge and
death registry search at the Federal Department of Finance,
Switzerland. This service cost me additional US$35,000,00 which was
paid to the government treasury. The receipt was also attached. I am
very happy and I have attached for your records, a scanned copy of
the Affidavit.

The lawyer will be submitting the affidavit to the Claims Resolution
Tribunal, being the agency responsible for resolution of holocaust
funds. At present, everything is working perfectly as planned and I
have used my contact at ICEP to ensure that the claims resolution
tribunal will expedite processing and provide approval for the
release of the funds.

Let me quickly remind you about Peter, Please keep our business out
of him ok.

Thanks,

Simon.

Simon sends Peter a reminder:

Quote:

FBI will get you any where you are in Africa

SO BETTER BE WARNED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There are 1s missing within the !s...

The bait faded out then. One attempt from Simon:

Quote:

Dear friend,

Please have the Holocaust processing center contacted you? If yes let
no, if not, don't fail to let me no any time your contacted. I
beleive the process is in progress, I will contact my Lawyer to find
out how far they have gone.

Thank you,

Simon.

Short and bored reply from me:

Quote:

Hello Mr. von Heinz,

after looking though my emails, it doesn't seem as if the center contacted me.

Yours,
Mortimer van Houten

Seems I've lost him now. I think he tried to call me. Smile

But, you guessed it, I'm already having a go at him from a different account.

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 09 Oct 2004 Posts: 623

I haven't lost him, he just was a bit lazy. I received a certificate today. I'll see if I can have some more fun with him. If not, he shall receive the picture whose name shall not be mentioned in these forums. Smile

Posted: Fri Nov 26, 2004 2:42 pm

I think it's a bit harsh of you to call him lazy. Sad

After all, he's being baited by you twice over and has another lad hijacking his mugu - no wonder his eye is a bit off the ball! Laughing

Mind you, if you send him that picture, his eyes will pop completely! Twisted Evil

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 09 Oct 2004 Posts: 623

Quote:

his eyes will pop completely

Sorry... couldn't resist. I know it's lame...

Posted: Fri Nov 26, 2004 4:05 pm

Lame or not, it made me chuckle! Laughing

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 09 Oct 2004 Posts: 623

I stared at him and wondered what he reminded me of...

Now I got it: http://www.rathergood.com/moon_song/

Posted: Mon Nov 29, 2004 11:47 pm

Bless you Mort!

Simon Von Heinz has one of the most irritating scams I know of.

I'm thinking that I first saw his crap about 10 months ago. The lads usually morph into a different scam or personna every few months. But Simon keeps hanging in there with the same old story.

Simon is either stupid, or different lads are trying out this script every month.

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