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Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2014 4:43 pm

I got this senegalese refugee camp scam email and the girl has so much problems! her parents are dead, shes in a refugee camp, she lives in the girls hostel, her house was set ablaze (oh my god, so much missfortune!) so I decided to be sympathetic:

Quote:

You are a lovely girl and your problems sadden my face and weaken my prostate in a terrible way wich makes me very sad.

then I went on to talk about my hobbies (which may not be safe for work):

Quote:

My hobbies include Fisting, which is a form of martial arts in which you fist other men until they scream, it is very satisfactory , even if you loose.

Quote:

I also like to go jogging and trekking and viking, this last one is great, since you need a horned helmet and a bike, and you visit different villages and have lots of fun.

This is the silliest bait I've done, so I decided to place it here

Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2014 10:18 am

When told I would no longer be dealing with a refugee girl's transaction, the barrister wanted details of my relationship with her.

Quote:

She's just some cheap whore who wrote to me. I was hoping to get her to Switzerland and put her to work on the streets, but she seems so uptight that I doubt she would get any clients.

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 13 Jan 2014 Posts: 698

Quote:

My dear Georgie-Boy. So sorry not to have come back sooner. What with all that tedious business about my car, and then being bothered by the Police for all kinds of documents and having to have my pet didgeridoo put down because it caught a sudden severe and irreversible attack of bushwhacker's goitre, it quite slipped my memory. Now as I recall, I'm supposed to be paying you some cash by Western Union, is that not so? Please, my dear old chap, refresh the old memory for me, there's a darling. So sorry to have been such a boring old Forget-me-not

...... Well, I was bored!

Posted: Sat Aug 30, 2014 4:21 am

Cammy, as a devotee of Freyja, has standards, so when she saw the ID the Lad had attached...

Quote:

Eeewwwww... you're ugly. Find someone better looking and I'll deal with him; but not with you.

Posted: Mon Sep 01, 2014 9:44 pm

The Lad had to explain who had given them the money for Cammy (emphasis added):

Quote:

However I wish you to know that Mr.Kenneth Kuy3 IS a formal Director of western union office Benin republic he stated that your money supposes to transfer to you before his resin

Cammy was scornful (emphasis added):

Quote:

And Kenneth Kuy3 was director of Western Union in your country - well, I still don't know who he is or why he'd be giving you money for me. I'm even less interested in knowing that he plays the violin!

Posted: Mon Sep 08, 2014 5:18 pm

Another diplomat seems to be having difficulty managing international travel, even though it is his job. My response after being asked to help him out with a "small amount"

Quote:

No, the idiot is not stranded because of me, he is stranded because he is an incompetent fool who failed to prepare properly. He is a grown man (at least I hope he is, you haven't employed a child to save money have you?) and should be able to look after himself. One wonders if he still relies on his mother to change his nappy for him.

Tell him to let me know when he arrives in Zürich, until then I have no interest in hearing about his difficulties.

Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2014 1:19 am

Quote:

I'm even less interested in knowing that he plays the violin!

Take a bow!

NOK bait, I'm not sure which of us replied goofily:

I wrote:

I'm not aware of any relative named Qassim. How can I be his next of kin?

Lad wrote:

I will fix it .

I wrote:

It's not broken.

Posted: Fri Sep 12, 2014 12:02 am

Discussing if my character will want yet more wives....

Quote:

LAD: but here is a case u have not marry a woman from your country yet

Quote:

Mad Chemist: I do not care what country a woman is from. I have been in Al Qaeda since I was 20. We have it beaten into us that race and nationality do not matter. lol

Posted: Fri Sep 12, 2014 6:56 am

From the same NOK bait:

Lad wrote:

I am fixing your name to be his next of Kin to enable us claim his fund because he is late and he don't has a next of kin.

I wrote:

Tell him to hurry up then!

Lad wrote:

Tell who to hurry up ?

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 13 Jan 2014 Posts: 698

^^^

Oh! How I love this thread!

Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2014 7:14 am

From the lad

Quote:

i just finish having a brief meeting with the investor as regard the
investment plan in Switzerland
he decided to keep every on hold until after the Muslim celebration
that is coming up on Saturday .

My character's response

Quote:

OK, I will await your update after the investor is finished with his celebrating. I do not know the English, but as we say in Switzerland, tell him to braten ein Schwein für mich.

The German translates as "roast a pig for me".

419Eater is my life Joined: 27 Aug 2014 Posts: 482

After several failed attempts the Rev. Bishop finally gives Dr Lad the news he's been waiting for:

Quote:

REV.BISHOP I have completed another spirit journey and can confirm that this time the visions were complete. I am happy with the outcome and will officially tell Reginald that God has approved this transaction.

Quote:

DR LADThanks for your mail and i am very happy that our God has approved the transaction May his Name be glorify Amen.

[/quote]

419Eater is my life Joined: 27 Aug 2014 Posts: 482

The Rev. Bishop gets firm with Dr Lad

Quote:

DR LADHow are you today??Hope you got my message yesterday?if yes i am still waiting for your response and also the fee for the posting of the ATM CARD.

Quote:

Rev. Bishop Reginald has contacted me again and is trying to rush this deal and I am not comfortable with this, It will take however long it takes for me to find the answers from my god. I took a spirit journey two days ago to seek the answer to this puzzle and was quite surprised by what I saw. I have never had a spirit journey that did not give me the answers I seek and I will need to take another journey to the spirit realm before giving Reginald my answer.

419Eater is my life Joined: 27 Aug 2014 Posts: 482

Quote:

Im off for the weekend, Got a hot date with a spunky guy and hoping to get my feet sucked, Will be in and out of you need me

Talk soon

Cheryl

Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2014 11:23 am

Cammy has sad news for the American ambassador to Benin.

Quote:

You are ugly; I'm very beautiful (hotter than molten gold), and my religion tells me to spurn the ugly. I can't accept anything from you.

Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2014 9:38 am

Cammy has been the recipient of many emails starting like this:

Quote:

I am writing to confirm the fact if you are Peoples (DEAD) or (ALIVE) and failure to reply back in the next 24hrs simply means what Mr Jude Betsy said was right that you are dead

Her most recent reply?

Quote:

I knew it! I fucking knew it! Once again you people swear blind that Jude Betsy has been locked up for ever, and just weeks later he's back, and you fall for the same old shit every time! You never learn!

Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2014 9:58 pm

In one of my dying widow baits, the lad asked me

Quote:

to give me the assurance that this money will be safe in your hands, and that nobody will convince you not to invest the money into churches, less privilege, motherless baby homes and other charity organizations as that will go against my wish and promised

to which I responded:

Quote:

I am happy to confirm to you that I will use the windfall that you will be sending me only for good purposes -- churches, less privilege, motherless baby homes and other charity organizations such as wagering chance houses and spirit vending distributors.

Then, later on, the lad asked me to email his lawyer prior to some operation, and I was happy to do that

Quote:

so that you may go into your operation with a heart that is no longer heavy with worry or fear and instead light with the knowledge that i will be donating your estate towards emotion-altering chemistry and courtesanal services. With any luck, armed with this knowledge, I hope that we will get your 35% survival up to 28% or may be even 29%.

419Eater is my life Joined: 27 Aug 2014 Posts: 482

Scene,

The red cross from malaysia sent me a mail about a package that was mistakenly delivered to them addressed to me.

Quote:

The package is heavy do you want us to open it and check whats inside for you

Quote:

No, Under no circumstance should you open the package

Quote:

The box was breaking so we check and has 18kg of gold and 360 gram of diamonds, If you cannot pick up within 2 days we will need to send by courier

So I booked a flight to malaysia but the diplomat storekeeper would not see me unless i paid half the storage fee of $3200, I refused and said i would arrive at red cross in Malaysia in 1 day, He threatened to send my package back to Abijan, My response to the red cross

( And i hate that I threatened to kill someone but the guys scum and pretending to be the red cross and the diplomat storekeeper doesnt really exist, the scene just fit in so well with Liam Neesons taken speech I had to do it )

Quote:

Please also tell the diplomat storekeeper I don't know who he is, I don't want to know. If he is looking for payment, you can tell him I won't give him any money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, Skills I have acquired over a long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like him. If he let's me pick up my package now, That'll be the end of it. I will not look for him, I will not pursue him. But if he doesn't, I will look for him, I will find him, and I will kill him

Quote:

The diplomat store keeper said that Mr xxxxxx is a wicked man.

Posted: Tue Oct 14, 2014 4:36 pm

So this poor orphan girl has this box filled with money that her father left her and she wants my character to retrieve it, but he is not an intelligent man, so when she asked him to maintain the contents of the box a secret from the company, he decided to do this:

Quote:

(girls father) deposited a box that is totally not filled with money, but teddy bears, and I want to retrieve it, please send it to me and I will guard it forever.

clearly no one will suspect a thing

Posted: Wed Oct 15, 2014 2:13 am

To my orphanage Lad:

Quote:

Screw your fasting and prayers! I asked for action and I get sanctimonious slacktivism! What I need is the details of the ONE (count it - ONE) orphanage in Burkina Faso where you "work", and remember, anything else is TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE!

Yep, Capone has got under my guard and into my vocabulary.

Posted: Thu Oct 16, 2014 8:23 pm

The Lad opened with:

Quote:

hello happy new month and happy christmas in advices

Am very sorry for later reply. I just received my Month S.S Check yesterday Night after I pay my home bill and my Children school fees,

Cammy was scathing!

Quote:

I don't care what your pastor said, I am not repeat NOT accepting ANYTHING from a fucking Neo-Nazi!!!

Posted: Sat Oct 18, 2014 12:06 am

A Lad pretending to be a Marine Corps captain came back after some months of silence:

Quote:

Attn Sir

Kindly advise me on what to do sir? is till left 2,000.00 pounds sterling to be pay the diplomat before they can finally deliver,

Mal shrugged that off.

Quote:

Don't call me sir - and as for your problem - it's not my department, says Werner von Braun.

The response left little doubt that the Lad has forgotten who he's scamming.

Quote:

Attn Mr. Werner,
I know is not your department, and i believe you can help me, Please
can you help me pay this money 2,000.00 pounds sterling to the
diplomat and ask then to deliver the consignment to you hence you are
too busy and you already have schedule?

I couldn't resist:

Quote:

I am not a German rocket scientist who aimed at the stars (but mostly hit London).

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 13 Jan 2014 Posts: 698

So this romance lad sent me 'her' pictures. They were all of different women, so my reply started reasonably well:

Quote:

M****m, my dearest one, Thank you for your very excited mail. It is making me feel very irrisistible and I am really charming for you. You have very beautiful eyes and your sisters are beautiful too.

Then I must have got distracted Embarassed

NSFW:

Quote:

Listen, my love, I hope you can wait a little time for the cash? I am a little cash-free right now (she wants wants to share her inherited millions with me), because I had a heavy monthly bill from our local brothel and the ladies there want it to be over quickly enough to prepare more soup for the next client. The price of good soup is astounded. Whenever I go there the ladies always have a little titter because I have a small one. The resident titter goes around with a big powder puff, so the ladies always look nice while servicing the customers. You should hear the groans of sheer delight from the clients as they stick their croutons into the soup!

Posted: Mon Oct 20, 2014 10:11 am

Cammy:

Quote:

And just so I know - what do you mean by "identity"?

Lad:

Quote:

Alright, what I mean by identity is either you send a copy of your international passport identity or divers license identity.

Cammy:

Quote:

Passport scans aren't permitted under DFAT regulations, and I don't need a licence to dive, so I don't have one.

Posted: Fri Oct 31, 2014 9:01 pm

I attempted a T.W .A.T. Church bait on a Lad but the Lazy Knucklehead wouldn't join my church but still wants to continue the deal. Of course my church gets all of my extra money and I would need to get permission from the church to borrow funds to get the big-bucks or with-hold money from the church in order to pay my portion of the fees. I told my partner that I would pray and reply when God gave me his answer:

Quote:

Dear Sir,

I have prayed on the matter and God has answered my prayer with a vision. He showed me a goat eating a tin can while standing on a large manure pile. God told me that "Only through hard work and persistence can one achieve great heights". If you are truly a God-fearing Man you know what I must do.

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