Nigerian Football Coach, Stephen Keshi

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Posted: Thu May 29, 2014 8:15 am

Incoming wall of text!

Note that the original had line breaks in the
middle of sentences. This does not because
copy-paste didn't transfer them and there
were too many to faithfully render.

Quote:

-- Private And Confidential Business Request

From the desk of:
SGS. Stephen Keshi
Super Eagles of Nigerian Chief Coach.

For Urgent Contact:
E-mail: [email protected]
Alternative: [email protected]
Alternative sender: [email protected]

Date: 28th May; 2014

Attention: Managing Director,

With Profound Respect, I crave your indulgence hoping you will have a nice time to go through this letter and get back to me as expeditiously as possible. But before I procedures, I will not fail to ask about the modification of your health [no, I haven't undergone surgery recently...] which is momentous in human dignity. [what?]

In a nut shell, I wish to introduce myself before going into details. I am Stephen Keshi, the Nigerian international ex-player formally a Green Eagles Captain in 1998 World Cup in France and presently the Super Eagles of Nigerian Chief Coach.

The motivation of contacting you is that, there is an over invoiced estimation by Nigeria Football Federation filed to FIFA for the Friendly March played with Argentina National Team last few months ago and an allocation giving to us by FIFA for the preparation for the World Cup Brazil 2014. Precisely we realized some funds through these fund allocations including the fund allocated to us by Federal Government of Nigeria for the Brazil World Cup next coming month which we deliberately over invoiced to the tune of US$29,000,000.00 (Twenty Nine Million Dollars) for our private use.

At the moment, this amount is kept with NDIC (Nigerian Deposit Insurance Company) to be transferred to a Foreign Account because we as a serving government officials, we can not keep the money here in the country in our names as we will be queried if this money is been kept in a bank here under our names because of our position as civil servants.

Now the issue laying on us [hurr hurr] which was the reason why we are contacting you is that, we want to get this fund transferred to a foreign account aboard but our problem lies that we cannot operate foreign account because our Code of Conduct dose not warrant us civil servant to operate or owe foreign account which was the major reason why we decided to make this urgent contact with you for a foreign account assistance which you can be of help to us.

Therefore, if we can enter into a proper agreement of understanding with your company; we will use your Company proforma invoice as a foreign account owner [Side note: are there any accountants here who have any idea what, if anything, this means?] to apply and draw this fund release profile and give you some percentage after transferred into your Bank Account for self keeping till when we will required the fund back here after our tenor is over with the government service.

Please this is a Top Secret issue and needed to be maintained and kept by bolt parties [Eh, I prefer latch parties...] until the transaction is sealed and concluded. Meanwhile, we need your urgent respond because anything that needed to be done should be done before we returned from Brazil 2014 World Cup to give audit account of our expenditures.

If you consider working out this with us, kindly get in touch with the following information to enable me know your interest and call to discuss it in full details with you for your good and proper understanding. After going through this letter, kindly indicate your interest and urgently furnish us the followings (1-6) information in your response to enable us flawlessly communicates with you freely: -

1. Your full names:
2. Contact address:
3. Zip Code:
4. Business/Company Name:
5. Contact telephone Home/Mobile:
6. As well as your present occupation:

As soon as we received your reply with these information, it will enable us know how to position ourselves to make sure this deal is brought to a logical conclusion [You are a scammer. This is a scam. Q.E.D.] without any hitch/prejudice [Screw it. Insert your own joke here.].

We are expecting your urgent contact. Please copy and reply through any of the above two e-mail provided to enable us recognized you mail and as well received it directly to my desk. Thanks and GOD bless you.

Yours faithfully,

SGS. Stephen Keshi
Super Eagles of Nigerian Chief Coach.

Quote:

Mr. Keshi,

I am resplendent and apoplectic, nay, solipsistic, to hear of your destriers. I would like to assert you in any way I can. Tell me how I can unhesitating with my curriculum to aid you in your time of panopoly.

Yours,
Dr. Herbert West

Posted: Fri May 30, 2014 12:12 am

Quote:

From the desk of:
SGS. Stephen Keshi
Super Eagles of Nigerian Chief Coach.

For Urgent Contact:
E-mail: [email protected]
Alternative: [email protected]

Date: 29th May; 2014

Attention: Dr. Herbert West,

Sir,

I must have to first appreciate [What?] and recommends your urgent reply to our request. In the first place as our football committee demanded [Demands, already? I thought you were requesting it.], we wish you furnish us the following information to enable us be rest assured of whom we are dealing with [ow... right in the English] and as well call to have the business clearly discussed to each others better understanding [We'll have to be speaking the same language first.].

Here are the requirements: -

1. Your full names:
2. Contact address:
3. Zip Code:
4. Business/Company Name:
5. Contact telephone Home/Mobile:
6. As well as your present occupation:

As soon as we received this, we shall discuss on phone to enable you know much about this fund and the cost to get it through to your company account aboard.

I hope this is well understood as we look forward to your full respond with the information’s.

Yours faithfully,

SGS. Stephen Keshi
Super Eagles of Nigerian Chief Coach

Quote:

Dr. Herbert West
[redacted] Arkham, MA [redacted]
Miskatonic University
[redacted]
Professor

I am desolate that this will help you.

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