Femmy the safari boi (NSFW)

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Posted: Fri May 23, 2014 2:30 pm

YES!!! OH YEESSSS!!!!

My Z spot is laughing too!!

ETA: ever since my notoriously misunderstood "salad tossing" offer a few months ago (please don't tell me, I still don't want to know), I've learned that urbandictionary can also be my friend... and OMG I did find the *other meaning* for Zappa in there!! But I'm glad to know my moon unit is currently safe. Looking forward to learning more about this new fad!

(Not that it should be too google-able, but can you say the act all took place in Joe's garage?)

Posted: Fri May 23, 2014 10:38 pm

As the Resident Zappa 'Expert' around my Hood I just had to add a link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adTtNT4X8F4

Posted: Fri May 23, 2014 10:47 pm

^^ I didn't get into his music until high school (long after this song debuted) but that just brought back a ton of memories!! Thank you OP!

And Ginger: apologies for hijacking this thread... I'm going to be quiet now Cool

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Mar 2012 Posts: 5380

@katrina-highjack away! It's nice to see some action here. Femmy won't respond to any of my characters. He's probably busy using google to see what some phrases mean Laughing

Posted: Fri May 23, 2014 11:15 pm

@Katrina - Hijack away. Ginger Hijacked my Avatar once upon a time so the Gloves are off!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtZ6hjiJmTU

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Mar 2012 Posts: 5380

@OP-I thought we agreed, I'm the redhead. You're the other one.

Posted: Fri May 23, 2014 11:30 pm

I hijacked it from Ginger Lee and next victim also has a thread.

It's really in the Urban Dictionary? I thought I had made it up, to tell the truth. The other day, Pandora was playing, "Ram it, Ram it, Ram it up the..." Well, you can figure out why I used it.

Wait until you see the most recent exchange.

Posted: Sat May 24, 2014 12:07 am

bware now you simply MUST see the Urban Dictionary definition of a zappa!
Truly it is too perfect. And... boggles the imagination in this context! Laughing

And Ginger, thank you for being so gracious. Someday I'd love to hear the story of your avatar, and the hijacked one as well! I will be changing my forum name shortly to match my avatar a bit better...

OK, I won't worry about being chatty in here until Femi gets off the googles, but the stage belongs to the players Cool

Posted: Sat May 24, 2014 12:34 am

Can you provide a link to the definition?

Posted: Sat May 24, 2014 1:40 am

Here you go, bware! And I believe it's actually safe for work!

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=zappa

PS waiting with bated breath (poodle breath?) to see the next chapter!

Posted: Sat May 24, 2014 4:47 am

I didn't see the exact definition, but I gather you know what I meant. I have to break today up into several posts, because there were a lot of exchanges. I also have to thank dwatina for making a nice call to Femmy. And I will apologize if we seemed all over the place.

Off we go...

I don't know about the ticket. DO you think it will affect the visa? I
don't know about the rounds because I've never had a penis in my vagina.
DON'T TALK ABOUT THE OTHER PLACE BECAUSE IT STILL HURTS! Are you going
to fingerbang me silly?

Quote:

No i won't fingerbang you sily, you have get yourself prepared with
your luggages so that you can board immediately after get your visa on
or before thursday.

Oh. You won't? Well that is a bit of a turn off then.

My ticket is for a little over two weeks.

Quote:

I want you to stay with me for three weeks.

That will be a lot of work to miss for me!

Quote:

I just want you around me.

What is dog style and monkey style? I want to learn about your Nigerian
lifestyle but I WILL NOT HAVE SEX WITH ANIMALS.

Quote:

Having sex with animal, No is an abomination. Yes you will learn about
Nigeria lifestyle, is even to come to Nigeria.

Quote:

Dog and monkey style means how dog and monkey fuck!

Quote:

Get yourself prepared, pack your things inside your bag. Do you have laptop.

I do and an ipad.

Quote:

Can you bring the laptop ipad while coming.

How do monkeys fuck?

Quote:

They fuck like human being, but a little bite different. Pack your
cloths inside your bag and get prepared for the journey.

You mean we will bite each other during sex?

Quote:

No, l mean a little bit from how human being having sex. Can you come
with your laptop.

In what way is it different?

Quote:

Female monkey will be up on male monkey, you haven't answer my
question, can you bring your laptop with you while coming.

Why? I want to see you cum though!

Quote:

We will use it to browse to keep us busy in my room.

Quote:

I dont understand what you mean with cum. Can you come with your laptop.

Cum means when the sperm comes out. Like if I suck your penis and you cum in
my mouth.

Quote:

Okay, Can you suck my sperm. How many time we will be having sex daily.

So when I get to Nigeria you only want to have sex and sit in your room and
play on the computer?

Quote:

We will vist many places. But when we are less busy we indoors browsing.

Like shopping? We can window shop.

Quote:

Yes we can window shop.

With the monkey thing, do you mean cowgirl?

Quote:

Yes cowgirl!

Oh! Is that fun?

Quote:

Yes, is part of it, you watch sex film and see.
How many time we will be having sex daily.

I don't know. Will it hurt? How many times a day do you get off?

Quote:

5times.

I probably won't bring the computer or Ipad because I will need
room for my clothes, shoes and makeup.

Quote:

You dont worried for that, there is room for your shoe, cloths, makeup
and others necessary things okay.

You masterbait 5 times a day?

Quote:

I have sex 5times a day.

Any sex films you suggest so I can be ready?

Quote:

Yes be ready, even you can buy any sex films while coming.

Ok. Now we have a problem because if you are having sex with other women
when we are in a relationship, that is a big time issue.

Quote:

I am single, i dont have sex with any woman, i dont have any girl
friends so why are we going to have problem dont you trust me.

Quote:

Come with laptop or ipad okay.

I don't think there will be room. Is there porn you suggest I watch? My
friend Katrina is curious, too.

Quote:

Why won't be a room.

You said you have sex 5 times a day.

Quote:

Yes 5times a day.

With whom?

Quote:

With my formal girlfriend, she is in Canada married with two kids.

Say what? You have a girlfriend. And you are having sex with her 5 times a
day? This whole thing is a mistake. Why do you do things to make me cry?

Quote:

I won't do it to you, i mean that was my formal girlfriend we departed
2012 she in Canada with her husband. SO WHY ARE YOU CRYING?

Quote:

ARE YOU NOT COMING TO NIGERIA AGAIN, ARE YOU NOT MARRY AGAIN?.

I am not going to marry someone with a girlfriend. And I am not going to
have sex with someone who is having sex with someone else five times a day.

Quote:

I said formal girlfriend and we departed since 2012. I dont have
girlfriends, i am not having set with anyone since 2012. Let me know
if you aren't marry or not coming again. You make me feel bad.

Quote:

Are you not coming or marry me again. Please let me know my faith.

Formal means "legal" or "official." I don't like having to educate you, but
it is relevant. I'm not sure our weeding would be recognized by the
government or church. You also said you have sex with her 5 times a day.
Isn't that a lot? I mean a good fingerbang is good for about a month.

Quote:

Oh... Sorry i have never married in my life, if am going to legally
marry that with be you i am marry to. I am single no kid, no wife. You
dont have anything to fear about when i marry you is going to be legal
and recognize by government both in Nigeria and United States.

Not if she is your formal girlfriend and certainly not if you are having sex
with her.

Quote:

You are giving me headache because i dont how to argue, i am single no
wife, no kid. I am going to marry you legally both in Nigeria, United
States of America and in the whole world.

Ok. Sometimes it seems you have more issues than US Weekly.
Tell me how you can have sex five times a day and what sex videos should I
watch?

Quote:

I do have sex 3time in the night between 9pm to 12midnight, 1time very
early in the morning, 1time in the afternoon. I dont have particular
sex video to recommend for you buy anyone of your choice and watch.

Who do you have sex with?

Quote:

I didn't have sex since 2012.

Look at what you just sent me. You said you have sex three times a night,
once in the am and once in the afternoon. What's that mean? Who do you have
sex with?
Do you live alone?

Quote:

I said that was 2012. Since 2012 i didn't have sex with anybody.

Are you trying to say you masterbait 5 times a day?

Quote:

Now i masturbate once in two weeks.

Why won't you answer any of my questions?

Quote:

We are three living in the flat apt, a woman of 6yrs old, a girl of
11yrs old and myself.

How close are you to the airport? Do you live alone?

Quote:

I am very close to airport, we are three living a four rooms apt, a
woman 62yrs old, a girl 11yrs old and myself.

Posted: Sat May 24, 2014 5:54 am

Who are the women?

Quote:

She is my cousin's who died 2012, she just came back from Houston
Texas two weeks ago.

Have you heard from the embassy? They said my visa is pending final
approval!!!!

Quote:

Please explain, i dont understand.

Has any one from the Nigerian or US government called or emailed you?
Also, how are we going to have sex with a little girl and an old woman in
the place with us?

Quote:

No body called me, is your visa approved. I have my own room i am
sleeping alone.

Won't they know what we are doing? What if I make too much noise?

Quote:

No they won't know. Is your visa approve?

It is "pending approval."

Quote:

Why?.

I don't know but that usually means it is close to completion.

Quote:

Are you saying they won't give visa.

Damn, Femmy is one dumb lad.

I don't know but that usually means it is close to completion.

Quote:

Pick your call i want to talk to you.

No! I'm saying I might get it early!

Quote:

You said is close to completion what do you mean. Pick your call i am
calling you.

There was no call to my K7 number.

No! I'm saying I might get it early!

RL called for a bit.

Quote:

Why do you ran away.

What do you mean?

About this time, dwatina, posing as the U.S. State Department, was kind enough to call Femmy for me. You can tell the frustration in his voice at Femmy's stupidity. At one point, he even throws his pencil on his desk and you can hear it.

Femi_01.mp3

Femi_02.mp3

There was a reason why I refused to tell him what my occupation was. Posted: Wed Apr 09, 2014 4:01 pm

I wrote:

Posted: Wed Apr 09, 2014 4:01 pm

I am an actress in movies and on stage. What do u do?

I had already told him early on.

It is important to note I have never been crowned Miss Nevada nor have I been in any pageants, but I did like the unintended reference from dwatina. Also, I found it funny he feigned a bad connection and could not hear to get out of answering the question.

Here's what happened next.

Femmy begging.WAV

Quote:

I got a call from Nigeria embassy in New York asking me what you do
for a living, but i can't Answer because i ask you to tell me but you
refused to tell me. What do you do for a living tell me now....,

Quote:

I got a call from embassy asking what is your job but i can't answer
because I've been asking but you to tell me but you prove stubborn to
tell me, embassy will call back what is your Job and your age.

Quote:

Why are you not replying, why are prove stubborn, i said what is your
Job and your age tell me before embassy call back. I told them you're
coming to see me and my parents in other to finalize our wedding plan.
So tell me your age and Job.

And four more K7 messages that only lasted one second.

Posted: Sat May 24, 2014 6:02 am

I have tears rolling down my cheeks!!!

Quote:

zappa

1. Frank Zappa - Revolutionary guitarist/composer/humourist
2. A little white cute fluffy maltese poodle somewhere in South Africa

UrbanDictionary.com

Now I am very curious if his doggy style refers to maltese poodles?! OMG this exchange is awesome! I haven't read the entire thread yet, but could it be the 62 year old is his formal girlfriend??

ETA - cross posted, I caught up Smile

Posted: Sat May 24, 2014 6:12 am

^^^http://www.lyricstime.com/frank-zappa-promiscuous-lyrics.html

http://www.metrolyrics.com/broken-hearts-are-for-assholes-lyrics-frank-zappa.html

Master Baiter Joined: 26 Jan 2014 Posts: 144

She is my cousin's who died 2012, she just came back from Houston
Texas two weeks ago.

Huh? So he is living with a 62 year old dead woman and an 11yearold girl? That was a Gas!! hilarious!! You have this one a leash, well him and the maltese poodle !!

Posted: Sat May 24, 2014 4:07 pm

@bware419ers: Yeah--Femmy was frustrating to talk to. It's annoying when they pretend they can't hear the question(s).

I wanted to reach through my computer screen and grab him by the throat.

Posted: Sat May 24, 2014 5:22 pm

I am in a Starbucks, is it safe to listen to the recordings? Should I wait to get my refill or will it end up on my screen? Razz

Posted: Sat May 24, 2014 5:42 pm

I just listened to the first one and I am laughing so hard people are looking at me like I am crazy!

bow_down

dwatina! I would be throwing more than pencils, what a complete and utter idiot.

ETA: Listened to 2nd mp3. WHAT IS HER JOB! Are you going to call tomorrow? Evil Lol

You deserve kudos for that call. ( a few more of these, too. bow_down

) This lad is beyond stupid. WAY beyond stupid.

Listened to the begging one, hard to understand him - his accent is very thick.

He probably didn't sleep a wink last night. Can't wait to hear the next call. dwatina, remove all sharp objects and guns if you have them. I would have to blow my brains out (since femy doesn't have any to shoot) if I had to deal with him for any period of time. *

*To be fair, English isn't his first language and I don't speak a second language fluently so I really have no room to criticize his English comprehension. I can judge him on being a low down dirty rotten snake in the grass filthy lazy greedy scammer- to put it in nicely.

Posted: Sat May 24, 2014 7:04 pm

I awoke to this message waiting at K7.

Femmy begging again..WAV

And this:

Quote:

Helo darling, what is your Job & Age. Because embassy called me asking
please tell me before embassy call back.

There are some more exchanges, but I have slipped in a bit of a surprise for dwatina when he asks what Sierra's job is. I will post the exchanges later.

Posted: Sat May 24, 2014 7:15 pm

@SomeBuddyatHome: Thanks for the applause. I really enjoy talking to lads. And yes--I'll be calling him back in a couple of hours. I have a nagging suspicion that I will be insulting him a little Smile

Posted: Sat May 24, 2014 7:17 pm

I have a nagging suspicion Femmy might make you laugh.

Posted: Sat May 24, 2014 7:42 pm

^^I can't wait. Hopefully I can understand him.

Posted: Sat May 24, 2014 8:05 pm

Can't wait to hear the next call and read about the surprise! Razz

When you call, is it in the middle of the night for The Idiot? He is very hard to understand.

Posted: Sat May 24, 2014 8:25 pm

^^He is hard to understand, but actually he's better than some lads I've spoken to. I had one lad who mumbled very badly. I've got a lad I'm working on with bware419ers that is very easy to understand.

I don't know if you do calls or not, but after a while you can understand them for the most part.

Call was made (only 5 and a half minutes). Bware419ers will be posting it, as I only did the call, and it's her lad.

Posted: Sat May 24, 2014 8:53 pm

Leave it to Femmy to fuck things up. I haven't even had a chance to listen to the message but here is how it continues after he is desperate to find out age and occupation:

OMG! OMG! OMG! Some idiot hit a pole and took out a power transformer. I
have been without electricity and internet since yesterday.
I thought you were kidding. You really don't know my age and job? And we're
getting married? I thought you would know this stuff. You're going to ruin
it all. I am 24 and an actress and hand model specializing in hand jobs for
ads. Don't mess this up please! Tell them my job exactly as I wrote it! Have
they called back.

Quote:

They haven't call back, give their mail if you have it and i'll send
everything to them.

Quote:

You're the one trying to mess it up, i have been asking you to tell
but you refused and provided stubborn, anyway they ask me some
questions of which i answered them, they promise to call back today.

I thought you were just joking around. What will you tell him my age and job
are?

Quote:

Base on question they asked me i told them i expecting in Nigeria on
friday, i tell them your home address, i tell them you're staying in
my house, i tell them my Job, my address, i said you're stay in
nigeria for two-three weeks, also tell them you're coming to nigeria
to see my parent before we finalize our wedding plan, we getting marry
as soon as we finalize our discussion with our parents here, i said
you're 23yrs but i didn't answer about your Job but the person who
called promised to call back today.

Write for me what you will tell them my job and age is. I don't want you
to mess it up!

Quote:

Am mad at you, i've been asking you same questions for the pass two
weeks but with your strong head you refused to tell me.

I will probably lose sleep over this. Nah...I'll be ok.

Write for me what you will tell them my job and age is. I don't want you
to mess it up!

Quote:

I tell them that you're 23yr but i didn't say anything about your
age,s infact you made me feel very sad.

WTF? Keep on getting shit wrong, even when I spell it out for you...

Grow up sweetie and read what I have written! I am 24.

My Job is as an actress and model specializing in hand jobs.

Now write me back exactly what you will tell the embassy. I do not want to
lose the money I spent on tickets!!!!!!!

Femi_03.mp3

Quote:

Embassy had called again, i gave them necessary information needed. I
was told that you would get your visa on tuesday.

Quote:

They have called i told them that you're 24yrs and Actress and hand
model by profession. They said you would get your visa on tuesday.

Oh thank God!

Quote:

You get intorch with them on monday because i told them that i would
be receiving you here on friday. Next time you will be listing to my
instructions. They is no gain in strong head, i love you i dont want
to miss.

What instructions did you give me?

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