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Posted: Fri Sep 13, 2013 11:46 pm

I got a message from a 'DIRCETOR' and just had to respond as his name was 'MR. DUCKER GREEN'.

Quote:

Hey there Rev,

I can'ts believes my eyes and ears too cause my middle is Ducker ain't that a coincindentalist? Pa used to always says when he was using the Crapper that he was dropping the Little Duckers off at the Pool but I never figured what he was talking bout no I didn't no how!

Aww now I'm Blathering on but was this meant for me?

Mals Ducker GreenishBlueButI'veHeardItCalledTurquoiseOnOccasionIHave

Posted: Thu Oct 10, 2013 7:37 am

This Lad must have been sure he'd baited the hook properly:

Quote:

I want us to work together as good partners inorder to claim this money which I have successfully loaded into an Atm visa card.I could have remitted this huge sum of $1.7 million dollars into my personal dollar bank account

So this breezy comment from Cammy would have come as a shock:

Quote:

Dude, a half-share in $1.7 million ain't worth the hassle. Nicu and I are worth more than that already. Sorry, but that's life.

Baiting Guru Joined: 27 Mar 2011 Posts: 21158

My wide glide is on its 3rd skype id. Well done and I could not stop myself from making the change. I think I might need better drugs, or something?

[1:53:45 PM] dickstina nana boahemaa wardbrew: Hello Derrick
[1:53:46 PM] *** Missed call from dickstina nana boahemaa wardbrew. ***
[1:54:05 PM] dickstina nana boahemaa wardbrew: Enter a message to introduce yourself.Hello (handshake) ,Good Evening Smile

How are you .. (F)
[1:54:16 PM] *** Missed call from dickstina nana boahemaa wardbrew. ***
[5:36:16 PM] *** Derrick has shared contact details with dickstina nana boahemaa wardbrew. ***
[5:38:19 PM] Derrick : Honey I don't understand the dickstain name. Is this you? I cannot seem to find you again.

Posted: Fri Nov 15, 2013 1:49 am

I wasn't really sure where to put this one but this seemed about right. I've censored the nasty language although it still should be considered NSFW. All in all I lost it on this one and as you can see someone wasn't reading anything I wrote.

This Chat Joined in Progress:

Quote:

AngryMe: I'd be happy if I could has my Supper.
TardDeFuc:ok baby i will eccpect the 1o-4 ok
TardDeFuc:we will be together soon i cant wait for that very day that very day will be the happiest day in my life
AngryMe: I'd be happier if i could get something to F*cking Eat!!!!!!
TardDeFuc:ok baby go get something to eat ok
TardDeFuc:i wish i am there to cook all u need for u ok
AngryMe:How about you Play a game of Hide and Go F*ck Yourself??????
TardDeFuc:baby i am want to be the mother of ur childrens
TardDeFuc:soon ok
AngryMe: AWWWWWWWWW Never F*cking Mind!!!!!! Let me get some F*cking Food or I ain't never talking to you ever again!!!!!! You getting it??????????
TardDeFuc:love u bye for now i will be here for u in the morning or 4pm ut time as we always meet take care and have a nice day
AngryMe:No I mean if you don’t take a Flying F*cking Leap off a REALLY REALLY REALLY F*cking Tall Building then I will push you off and use your Bloody Corpse as F*cking Soup Stock!!!!!! Now F*ck Off!!!!!!!
TardDeFuc:yes baby u are my world
TardDeFuc:bye for now take care

Posted: Thu Dec 05, 2013 11:31 pm

My business partner said he needed 16,000 GBP but only had 7 GBP. I replied with this:

Quote:

Dear Jabatan,
Please help me understand. You need 16,000 Great British Pounds but only possess 7 Great British Pounds?? That is like taking a roll of toilet paper to a gun fight!! LOL. You must have sent me wrong information. Please confirm your situation ok??
Shayna

Posted: Mon Dec 23, 2013 1:13 pm

When Mal got the details of why he'd been blacklisted, he summarised the matter thus:

Quote:

Let me break this down.
Some refugee kids that I've never heard of want me to be their beneficiary business partner, with $120 million involved somehow, but they neglected to inform me.
The Parliament of Ghana expect me to write an MOU between me and ECOWAS, IMF, WEMA, AU and United Nations, because somehow I got blacklisted, though I never heard about this until recently.
Apparently I got blacklisted because the BNI, as I supposed to know but didn't, found out that I was communicating with the refugee kids to transfer their heritage without adopting them lawfully from the corporate executive bodies, which is of course a complete lie because I never did any such thing.
In the meantime your law firm has accepted the role of my representative in Ghana, even though I never asked you to do that, to prepare the MOU, even though it's based on events that never happened, and to help me receive my transaction in Ghana, even though I don't have one.
Have I left anything out?

Posted: Sat Dec 28, 2013 12:44 am

A poor CC lad on the hook now for over 2 months, had 6 CC's, 6 accounts and chopped him twice so far & my latest reply...

Quote:

Please give me a new bank account to transfer the money to for you, or if this is a problem for some reason then my I suggest you instead use you credit with us to make a new order for goods to take advantage of massive discounts with our 'FU Super Shopper Sale' which is now on until January 4th - please order early to avoid disappointment !

If he coughs up again I may well send him a Loyalty Card Smile

Baiting Guru Joined: 17 Sep 2006 Posts: 5905

My response to my lads theory that it would be easier for his agent to pick up from WU as opposed to MG (following a failed trip)

Quote:

It is no easier to pick up from Western Union than it is Moneygram in fact the agent will find it harder as a Western Union MTCN is 10 digits he can't even handle 8!

Do you have any agent who can manage 8 numbers?

Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 10:42 am

In one of my interminable chats with one especially insufferable orphan, I decided to go a little bit... crazy.

Mal (10:08 AM): Is there a point?
Lad (10:08 AM): which point is that tell me
Mal (10:09 AM): If I'm asking you what the point is, why would I be able to tell you the answer?
Lad (10:09 AM): you r telling me i dont no
Mal (10:09 AM): That's what I told you.
Lad (10:10 AM): fine
Lad (10:10 AM): that can sove the problem plz
Mal (10:10 AM): I'll take your word for it.
Lad (10:12 AM): which word ???????????????
Mal (10:12 AM): Howitzer is a good word.
Lad (10:13 AM): i dont understand it
Mal (10:14 AM): You're not supposed to understand it. It's a Zen thing.
Lad (10:14 AM): fine
Lad (10:15 AM): is up to you
Mal (10:15 AM): OK.
Lad (10:15 AM): i like that
Mal (10:16 AM): Shiny.
Lad (10:16 AM): what is shiny ????????
Mal (10:17 AM): Silver, if you polish it.
Lad (10:18 AM): polish silver for what
Lad (10:19 AM): r u there
Mal (10:19 AM): You asked me what was shiny, and I told you.
Lad (10:20 AM): and u said polish n i n said what is polish
Mal (10:21 AM): Warsaw. Krakow. Katowitze. All Polish.
Lad (10:22 AM): for what ??????
Lad (10:22 AM): what does all mean
Mal (10:23 AM): Don't ask me, ask a gorram Pole!

Posted: Tue Jan 14, 2014 5:43 pm

I would never have believed I could write such wodscollup.

Hello Mr David sir
I am sorry for my late reply,I had a hospital appointment with the bumologist,he said my problem was the worse he
had seen for a long time,in fact I have piles on my piles.Anyway sir enough of me,how are you,I have never even spoken
to a diplomat in my life before.I have almost all of the monies for the sticky sticker for the container consignment.I had to
sell my car to get the monies but it will be worth it in the end when I get my 70% of the Photographic equipment Ha ha.
I have kept our shady deal secret just as instructed by your Client Mrs W.Shultz,I have only told my family and a few close
fiends.I will be sending you the scam of my I.D. on Wednesday,in the meanwhile here are the furnishings you requier.
Name: Richard Bender
Address: 5e Elizabeth Mansions.
Kingston Crescent.
Swansea.
U.K.
My nearest airport is Biggin Hill,Kent.
I hope this is sufficiants information and we can move with much speed to the contusion of our beesknees.
Thank your for attenshun into this matter.
Yours faithfully Dick Bender esq.

Posted: Fri Jan 17, 2014 2:55 pm

Romance scammer on Badoo approaches my character:
Hello my name is major lansbury strand ,i live in TEXAS pipe creek USA,We are currently on deployment to a certain Niger Delta region in nigeria,to quel some terrorist activities. Am a Single dad with one son named Micheal ,I am divorced to my wife to alcolhol and irresponsibility,she is also doing drugs. Am on this website to search for the tight woman of my dream for a long lasting relationship that can lead to a marriage... If You are ready we can chat more better and know where it leads us to, but I am sure with Honesty it will leads us Happiness. Reply me asap

My character answers (just couldn't resist)
am very sorry to hear you are an irresponsible alcoholic but its not surprising that if you have those problems you would marry a drug addict. i dont do any of those things so i dont think im a match for you.

Well, at least he's off script Smile

Hello dorothy don't you understand me very well

Posted: Wed Jan 22, 2014 2:12 am

Okay Technically I didn't write this but I responded to an 'Interpol Lad' after changing his Script a Tad:

Quote:

ATTENTION:DEAR
NOTICE OF SCAM EMAIL SENT TO YOU.

FIRST OF ALL I WANT TO APOLOGIZE FOR ANY INCONVENIENCE THIS EMAIL MIGHT CAUSE YOU BUT WHAT I WOULD LOVE FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND IS THAT IT IS MY DUTY AND MY BLOWJOB TO PROTECT INNOCENT INDIVIDUALS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD TO AVOID THEM BEEN SCAMMED.

MY NAME IS AGENT RONALD ISA VIRGIN OF THE INTERNATIONAL POLICE FORCE ASSOCIATION (INTERPOL) AND THROUGH OUR NOT SO INTELLIGENT SERVICE WE WERE ABLE TO INTERCEPT EMAILS WHICH ARE FRAUDULENT BEEN SENT TO YOU. IT'S ALL LIES AND IT'S AN ATTEMPT TO DECEIVE YOU INTO BELIEVING THE STORIES AND AFTER THAT THEY GET YOU TO SEND MONEY TO THEM AND THEN YOU WILL NEVER RECEIVE IT UP THE BUM. THESE SCAMS ARE BEEN SENT TO INNOCENT UNSUSPECTING HOMER SEXUALS ALL OVER THE WORLDS AND MANY OF THEM FALL VICTIM TO THESE BITCHES. SOME OF THESE EMAILS YOU RECEIVE ARE HONEST ONES AND LEGAL ONES, BUT YOU WOULDN'T KNOW WHICH IS REAL AND LEGAL EXCEPT WE HELP YOU WITH ANAL PROBING TO ASCERTAIN WHICH IS LEGAL AND WHICH IS NOT.

ON THAT NOTE, I AM ASKING YOU TO FULLY CO-OPERATE WITH US, IGNORE THE DRUNKEN WHORES AND FORWARD ANY EMAILS YOU RECEIVE FROM ANYONE FROM THE INTERNET TO ENABLE US IMPREGNATE IF IT'S A FRAUD OR SCAM OR IF ITS LEGAL TO FELCH GOATS. I AM HOPPING YOU WILL UNDERSTAND AND CO-OPERATE WITH THIS ORIFICE TO HELP FIGHT AGAINST INTERNET FRAUD AND SCABIES, BY THE WAY WE HAVE YOUR INFORMATION'S AND WE CAN MONITOR YOU WITH TOILET CAM. DO NOT TELL THE FABULOUS ONES ABOUT OUR COMMUNICATION WITH YOU OR ELSE THEY MIGHT ESCAPE UP THE HERSHEY HIGHWAY. I AM HOPPING TO COUNT ON YOU TO HELP US FIGHT AGAINST INTERNET FRAUD AND THEN WE WILL DIRECT YOU WHERE TO CONTACT RIGHTFUL BANK CHARGE OF YOUR AWARD FUND TO RECEIVE YOUR FUND UP YOURS THEN YOU WILL RECEIVE UP YOURS AWARD FUND AND STOP COMMUNICATE WITH THESE SCAM,

AWAITING YOUR URGENT RESPONSE.SEND ME A REPLY THROUGH ([email protected])

AGENT RONALD VIRGIL

Posted: Sat Jan 25, 2014 2:09 pm

Email receive with the subject

Quote:

I BELIEVE THIS IS YOUR MONEY AND YOU ARE THE ONE WE ARE LOOKING FOR

There's really only one reply necessary to that

Quote:

These aren't the droids you're looking for

Posted: Sat Jan 25, 2014 11:53 pm

After sending me some photos of his family, my reply included this paragraph

You have a very beautiful family, and your wife is highly boneable. You must be a proud man. I have attached photographs of my family. My wife Marie, our daughters Pixie & Trixie, our three miniature Alsatians, and our live-in mexican pool boy Ramiro, whom we purchased from his father in 2009.

Posted: Mon Feb 03, 2014 1:59 pm

Quote:

I have ostriopliosis, and it burst, and I had to go to the hospital.

Quote:

we spent a few hours hauling gefilte fish in

Posted: Fri Feb 07, 2014 1:01 pm

I made a crack at the expense of a Lad's mangling of "hot-tempered" (emphasis added).

Quote:

Thank you for that stupid and senseless phone call, kotempei man.

He didn't like that phrase (emphasis added)..

Quote:

I told you before that you should mind your word's to me.
what do you mean by kotempei man,you should explain it to me.

(It's actually an alien secret police from Eric Frank Russell's Wasp)

Posted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 9:17 am

After two months of headaches, this lotto lad's at the end of his rope. I think the bait's basically over, so I decided to have a little more fun than usual since I don't care if he twigs at this point. The bait's stalled over his obsession with the WU transaction timeline. For some reason it doesn't compute with him that my fake receipt says the transaction was done on the 11th, but I didn't email him until the 12th my time zone/13th his. This is only excerpts of email exchanges over the past four day.

The lad wrote:

Honestly it is painful that you resort to threatening each time you are given advice to do the right thing and this does not speak well for a woman of 70yrs old. My mom is 77 years old and is still communicating well and she manages her anger so well that everyone around her and those transacting with her are always happy to have one thing or the other with her.

My crotchety old lady character wrote:

Good for your mother. Does she want a medal and a parade?

The lad wrote:

Stop trying to insult the intelligence of a large organization like us and tell me when you actually made the payment.

I wrote:

I haven't seen much evidence of intelligence yet. I'm sitting here laughing at you because you're stupidly all hung up on a Western Union receipt timeline for Christ's sake. I don't know how things work over there in the U.K., but here in the U.S., the 11th comes before the 12th. I went to Western Union on the 11th, scanned and sent you an email copy of the receipt on the 12th. I didn't think it was anything to get your panties in a bunch over. If it's different over there where you use the metric system, you're going to have to tell me that so I can do proper conversions. I don't want the universe to implode because I messed up the space/time continuum.

The lad wrote:

It is shameful that instead of you to be sober after reading this letter you will opt to threaten to go cancel your non-existent transfer with western union.

I wrote:

Sober? Don't you dare ever accuse me of being sober! I'm a drunk and proud of it! [Insert stuff about frozen Western Union transactions here.]

Posted: Fri Feb 28, 2014 6:50 pm

My Dutch romance victim to her "husband"

Quote:

Darling,

I will be making you traditional Dutch welcome meal of Hondenpoep met tulpen en bleekmiddel.

His response

Quote:

Sound beautiful my Angel, i will learn how to eat your traditional
foods.

Posted: Sun Mar 09, 2014 2:01 pm

Occasionally I fire the barrister if he won't do business by bank transfer. I told my Ladette that I was in contact with another lawyer from Ivory Coast and the argument continues:

Quote:

Dear Willy,
I have been contacted by another lawyer from over there in
Abidijan. He said he can supply us with the documents we need. He has
given his account information and I will go and pay his fees on
Monday.

Quote:

how do you know the lawyer and who recommend him for you stop playing games the bank did not know him you know that.

Quote:

Willy,
The bank won't care which lawyer the paperwork gets done by as long
as it's a lawyer from Ivory Coast. In short, we tried the lawyer that
was suggested but he was a quack! So I'm replacing him with a better
Shyster.

Posted: Sun Mar 09, 2014 10:39 pm

A Lad spent quite some time explaining why his phone was switched off.

Quote:

... the reason why my line is off is that the battery is very low yesterday before i left my office to my home.
so i decided to charge it before i left from my office but i did not take it along to my home i left my phone in my office. so before i left my office yesterday i forgot my phone in my office and i put it off when am charging it yesterday and that is the reason why my secretary did not hear my phone ringing when you are calling my line. so right now i just came back from church that i got the information from you by my secretary so am going straight to my office right now. and am sending this email to you from my home.so when am get to my office my phone will be on by then because i have told my secretary to put my phone on.

I couldn't resist a reference to a nauseating fiction character with a phne fetish:

Quote:

Thank you for that detail on why you weren’t answering your phone. The only person who lavishes that much attention on his phone is Buck Williams, and he’s a jerkwad.

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 13 Jan 2014 Posts: 698

You've all inspired me and I've just sent this off to an impatient loan lad who just made the classic reply "I don't understand you":

Quote:

OK Au5tine, now listen carefully and I will enlighten your disunderstandments. I has a toowitt manufacturing barn close to a local gas recycling outhouse. Gas recycling is a very highly risk and new. It reply much on which must have clean reffarting valves place along the flactulating tubes in order that there be no constipulation of the spinckter joints which could produce loud release of surplus gas at wrong moment. which will cause too much blote on the downstroke. This where come in the highly important toowitt. which lie inside close to the colon flanges on the way to the relief pedestal tubs and the dumping chambers. It very inportant that all toowitts be absolute ball-shape and perfect. If not they cause powerful ballache in the danglysack so this very important but very difficult for making them and special tools required. Now we come to the sorrowful bit because there is no way of stopping it. My toowitt shaper has troubles and gas people say toowitts are too shaped like duck egg and not perfect, so I must get new shaper. This cost toomuch a lot of money and gas people say they not pay me for bad-shaped toowitts, so I need loan to buy new shaper, but cannot afford loan until gas people pay me, so you must wait for loan repayment until I get a round toowitt. Simple!

Posted: Mon Mar 10, 2014 3:28 am

Lad, about two children that Yastreb passed to me:

Quote:

SO THEY ARE A LOT OF RABELAIS ALL OVER THE HOLE NATION ... THEN THEY FIND OUT THEIR THE CHILDREN PARENT DIED DURING THE WAR. AND THEY WHERE ATTACK BY THE RABELAIS. ... SHE IS IN THE HOSPITAL AND SHE HAVE MALARIA FIVAL

My response to the Gargantuan misspellings:

Quote:

I hope she gets over her fival quickly! Is there anything we can do to help? Are they getting good nutritious food, or just panta gruel?

Posted: Tue Mar 11, 2014 9:12 pm

An occasion where I decided to fire the Barrister and I sent this to the Ladette:

Quote:

Dear Victoria,
I have been working with the lawyer but he has cancelled the deal
by being an arrogant prick! We will need a new lawyer.
Love,
Jerome

If I get something precious to add as a reply I will.

LOL, I did get a nice reply and the first time I may get a bank account from a Reverend Sister:

Quote:

Hello dear,

How are you doing today, dear after i have read your message, I told the Rev Father and sister here in the refugee camp, dear if we should forget about the lawyer as i told you that i gave him all the documents which is with him now, and he has use it to make inquiring at the high court for issuing of the documents, The sister said that if we take the documents from him now, we give it to another lawyer again, he will still go this same place with the documents,

The Rev Sister called the lawyer now and ask him what's the problem? as you didn't tell me anything, you just use that language that the lawyer is arrogant, He cancelled the deal, the lawyer said he ask you to send the fees through western union, and you demanded account, honey please this is not what will bring problem while you are helping me, you have to consider my situation over here, you don't know the lawyer very well that's why, that man is old and responsible man here in Senegal, we beg him that he should not be agree with us, other lawyers we went before ask us to pay acceptance fee first anything,

The Rev Sister agree to give you her own account to send the money so that both of us will take the money to the lawyer office if account is the problem now,

Dear should i send you the Rev Sister Bank Account now to make the payment??

I wait to hear from you urgent please,
yours Victoria

Ummmm, Yeah. Send me the account Dear.

Posted: Sun Mar 16, 2014 6:40 am

An Illuminati lad trying to entice my character into paying fees wrote:

We will let you in on all the secret conspiracies of THE GREAT ILLUMINATI. We control all.

I wrote:

Was the sinkhole in the National Corvette Museum your doing? I believed it was faked all along! Those cars looked like toys and the floor like paper. And all that dirt? What's dirt doing in a hole? Holes are empty! It was all a hoax to get us to believe in sinkholes, wasn't it? So the Illuminati can control the minds of unbelievers, right? I know several people who live in central Kentucky around where the museum is and they have never seen a sinkhole, so sinkholes can't be real. I mean, if sinkholes were real and so common in central Kentucky, then my friends would have seen one, don't you think?

Posted: Tue Mar 18, 2014 12:25 am

Picked up a Romance scammer from Fish Meet Fish. When asked if I had been there very long I was feeling froggy so I replied:

Quote:

Dear Deborah,
I haven't been at FMF for very long. I haven't received many
messages there other than all of those asshole scammers that seem to
be on dating websites. I'm sorry to read about your situation. It
makes me sad for the state of humanity.

I received another script so I guess I'm still in the game. LOL.

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