Rapping Piggy Style- THREE STOOGES GO ON SAFARI!!! (NSFW)

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Posted: Tue Jan 14, 2014 2:40 am

To help clean up the Help, Hints & Tips forum I've moved the Pig$ thread here. If you haven't been following it previously, here's the link to the old thread:

http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=239477&highlight=kingdom

Courtesy of OrangeCat, possibly the best pic of Pig$ yet! Laughing

Synopsis: Pig$ claims to be a budding Nigerian rapper who believes he has been signed by a record producer, DJ Ph4tti AKA, Arthur Kr0c in ATL who owns H0tlanta Records. Along the way he's 'charmed' several love interests, attempting to scam phones out of all of them. Money out of a few of them. Luby, the 80 something year old living in North Dakota who bless her heart keeps breaking her hips. Mary Jane, being a helpful and encouraging girlfriend, tried to send him 10 phones but got scammed by a fake website. Barbie tried to do the same but had her phone stolen out of the package by a shady FedEx guy. Darla is the receptionist at H0tlanta. She's piss poor and is there to help Pig$ believe.

Dealing with H0tlanta's lawyer, Ch3tham, Pig$ spent some dough getting what looks like a legit ID card. With the help of the accountant, Claira V0yant, Today he finally signed a contract. He believes he will be getting an advance of $50,000 and traveling to Atlanta.

So far we've gotten a real ID, full nudes, Todger shots, video of him rapping a song written by me, one Piggy & the signed & initialed contract.

Going forward we will change names or leet as necessary. We know we'll be making these changes as of now.

DJ P@tti- DJ Fatty
H0tlanta- Hitlanta
B1gmoney- Pig$

Posted: Tue Jan 14, 2014 3:50 am

Love Muscle(Pig$)/Tunchi(Darla)

Quote:

hello ma sweet tunchi! how are you doing this morning if am not wrong?
is morning right? how was your night did you dream about me? i saw you
in dreams like seriously, please tell me the latest plan via bizz

Love Muscle,

Just wanted to say hi! I love you so so so so much! I hope you're having an
awesome day! Lots of kisses! Smile

Love forever,
Your Tunchi

Quote:

hey sweetie thanks, that is so nice. to say hi to me, well we really
getting close to see live tho i just singned the contract now, Charlie
sent see you soon baby. love you too baby

That's awesome baby! Yay I'm so excited!! It won't be long now. Me an you are gonna be tearing up Atlanta together. I love you!

Quote:

lolz me am more than happy if you is getting my meaning? we gone be ruling you digg?

I digg dogg! You feel me? Haha... I'm learning some slang. It's taking me a
while but I'm getting it down. It's hard not to around Fatty. He talks so
weird sometimes I can't even understand him!

Quote:

hahahahahahahah you is funny baby, don't when i get up there am gone
teach many , clearz? you gone be so dope readinmg speaking shit, i
mean hood slangs if you is grabing?

I be grabing homie? Word! That be fresh tater and all that if you be
clingon! Lol that's from stuff I've written down. Remember I said I'm
keeping a list? It's not very long cause I forget. And I don't know how to
spell most of it. I'm trying though and I think I'm getting better. So what
are you doing today baby?

Quote:

not much more than the signing stuff i really need that contract cus
of you and ma mom i want to get her a house i dont like her living in
the ghato

Aww that's so sweet baby! Are you going to move your mom here or buy her a
house there? Do you think she'd like me? I kinda live in the ghato but it's
a white people ghato and it's all trailers on wheels and cars that don't
work on blocks. And people have junk in their yards like toilets and
washtubs and tires and bottles. I have a train that goes right behind my
house. It's gross and I hope I can move it on up to the east side some day.
Get me a deluxe apartment in the sky. It's gonna take a whole lotta trying,
just to get up that hill. But now you're up in the big leagues baby!!!!
There's no turning back. It's YOU and ME baby and there ain't nothing wrong
with that!!! LOL Iove you Love Muscle! More and more every day! You must be
the reason Fatty seems happy today too. Charlie even! He called here for
something and he said thank you to me which he's never done! So awesome!

Love
Darla

Quote:

wow why are they so exited? are sure am safe? am real getting scared
about the contract now like am going to be poor after signing, well i
can die for my mom she is the reson why am strugling all the time. am
gone buy her a house here. are you living in the ghato too? what about
me will i be living the ghato too. i wanna be a rich guy

Yes I live in the ghato. I'm just a secretary. I make barely enough money for food and rent every month. You won't be in the ghato though! You're going to be so rich you won't know what to do with all your money! Didn't to say you're getting $50,000 to start with? Imagine what it will be like when you get here and start having concerts. Everyone will know your name. They will wear your name on tshirts and shoes. Your face will be on magazines even!! So, no you will definitely NOT be in the ghato over here. I'm not so lucky. I don't have your amazing talent. Except for sex and I promised I would never do that for money. Can I live with you when you get here? Pretty please? I'll cook for you. And clean. And be the bestest girlfriend ever!

--------------

Oh and what do you mean am I sure you are safe? I don't get it. They're excited because they're finally getting this contract stuff out of the way! I asked Fatty today about the Afro too. He thinks it's an excellent idea! He actually said he liked the idea of a 'mofro' even better. That's a Mohawk Afro. You seen one? Anyway he said 'damn bitch, shoulda made you a stylist not no damn secretary!' Lol awesome!

Quote:

baby don't be worried about you staying in the gheto, you gone
spending time with me in ma cribe right? so we are good

Quote:

well i feal little bit reliefe for that money is just small compared
to what company use in signing artist here, that money is just 8
million here, why companies pays here pays at 30 milllion see thje
differencis weal i just hope this i will not regrete tho i love US
that is one of the reson

I didn't realize until I responded that he was talking about Naira. So 30 million Naira is something like $188,000. He must have been even more excited to get Darla's response.

Wow! Well you'll make that and probably more eventually over here. It doesn't happen over night though! No one just says oh hey your a cool dude I like your music here's 30 million! You have to work hard and earn it. Make a name for yourself you know? Not even Michael Jackson became a gazillionaire overnight! No one gets anything for free. Too bad because it would make things easier! Please just always remember what I told you... Believe in yourself!!! Believe believe believe! You're the best thing this country has seen in a decade. And the best thing I've ever seen. Wink

Quote:

wow am so happy now. you realling proving so many things to me well i
gone reserve my conments. well you blushing me rith what is that your
country has not seen, from rosy,lillwayne, feauture, jay z and the
rest Nikki manaj, name them. baby i know you love me and i do love you
but don't say America has had like me for decade but you ain't serouse
right?

I don't get what you meant in your last email. Of course I'm serious! See there you go doubting yourself again. I think you are better than those guys you listed. Did you know most of those guys sound horrible live? They wouldn't be famous if they didn't have good producers! Well except Jay-Z. You know I love him! Smile

-------------

Baby it's time for me to go home. I'm sorry. I will miss you! And I will
think about you all night. Sweet dreams my sexy man! I love you with all my
heart! Love your one and only Tunchi

Quote:

good night love. sweet dreams too wish you where here wid me. kissssssssss bye

This to Luby:

Quote:

lolxxxx baby you sounds funny about your early date...... well that
was then. every thing done changed now all yuppy you be in the same
night club with dad, lolz. what is wrong with thelma i tout she always
been nice? baby do not be worri she gone tell you why she been mad at
yo, just call her an ask, if you have done bad things she don't like
and shit. ok i believe she is your close pal and you guys has been for
years, so talk to her. i wish i can talk her too. baby you gone chear
hate it when you unhappy, i gusee you gone be so ugly when sad lolz,
hu am just playing, you is ma princess huh. what up wid your hip is it
geting better now? well i hope so.talk to you soon baby. love you.

Quote:

hello sweetie is been a why, guesss what am gone be in US soon and
gone be inking the contract any moment from now, how is health hope
thelma is now ok wid you? well i miss you so much baby please i want
to hear from you.

Dear King,

Why dear, what joyous news this is! When you gonna be here? I suppose you's gonna be in Atlanta, Georgia, huh? Down there with Arthur? Well I ain't so sure I should be flying right now. My hip is healing right nicely but now the other one is giving me pains. I needs to get back to my doctor to have it looked at. I'm gonna talk to Thelma about us driving down thataway. Might be right nice to take a road trip. It will only take a few days driving I reckon. Yes I think I will do just that. I just knew someday I would be getting to meet you and looky here it's all startin to come together just like I planned. Ain't you excited? Sure am glad Arthur's been treating you right! So how you been other than that?

Love,
Luby

Posted: Tue Jan 14, 2014 4:55 am

Pig$/MJB

Quote:

baby i will be in for 30 minuts cus i got no cash, how is your mom doing?

I thought u only had 30 minutes. Why dont u reply sweetie?

Quote:

am sory sweetie i was with cat charley, who is processing ma contract with hitlanta rec. you digg?

Oh wow! You're here in the US? WHy didn't u tell me!

Quote:

not yet i was only rapping at him in ma mail. clear?

Oh. Sorry. I'm depressed and then I got excited u were here and now I'm depressed again.

Quote:

ohhhhhhhh sory how is your mom?

In pain or sleeping.

Quote:

ok i pray her God can do all things baby you believe? so she can be well again OK

i will be leaving now. am gone to talk to you soon

Then I saw he posted on FB

I just saw your FB. Who is Royal Deth????????? You wrote that u luv her!

Quote:

she is ma only sister

Confirmed.

K. She is very pretty. I didn't think u had more time. What r u doing?

Quote:

yea she is, as am very handsome as you are verybeautiful too. well an hungry

R U at the cafe? How did things go with the record?

Quote:

well an still waiting for the contract doc for the new sign

OH WOW! You've signed the contract or are about to? I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PROUD OF U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I luv u even more 4 doing this!

Quote:

about to baby. will you be coming to atlanta or me coming to califonia

LOL! I live in Washington a state north of California. I am in the
State of Arizona now. I can meet you in Atlanta if you want.

That should be interesting!

Quote:

wow that will be grt. you gone live you job?

Do u want me to? It kinda depends on mom.

Quote:

well till i gets there

Ok. Don't u want 2 incomes tho until I am pregnant?

Quote:

ok you wanna be pregnant for me?

I thougt we talked about this. Are u sure u are my King? [b]Now that I think about it, u said u wouldn't be back until February.

Quote:

i know you know am gone be under rights and getting married might
violate the law

What law? Can u send me a pic so I know it is you?

Quote:

i told you this is a poor phone it can't snap ok

Well us said u were not coming back until February and now u don't want 2
marry me.

Quote:

no baby. u never said that, i just said if the law permits

Some states have laws against men marrying men and women marrying women but thats it. What laws r u talking about?

Quote:

am gone to work for hitlanter rec for five years so am gone be using
every thing i have to make them that scrillers they will bw derserving

I can't wait!

Posted: Tue Jan 14, 2014 1:08 pm

He sure IS parroting Fatty! OP should be proud. Evil Lol

I can't wait to see him fall, hard!

Posted: Tue Jan 14, 2014 7:32 pm

Man is it ever Weird over in this Forum...All the Colours and oh never mind....

SBAH - I am rather Proud of my Parrot. Over the years I couldn't train my Cats or my Sea Monkeys so it is encouraging.

Fatty figured he'd check in on Pig$ just to see how things are progressing:

Quote:

Sup my Pig$,

Brother you be dealing with my Ho Claira now? Fatty ain’t been rapping too much with her cause she is down with the Biz you Dig? Sho nuff she gots us and the Big Dirty in her sights and soon we be going all Super Nova cause that’s the Gospel cause I done said so! Them fine Ass Bitches will be hanging off your Jock cause you the Brother with all the Scrilla if you know what I’m saying?

Peace out,

Art

Sho Nuff our Wrap Master gets back real soon like:

Quote:

brother yeap i got all cus you done said so! i have been rapping at
claira is like she a little be slow in responding to ma mails. you
digg?

Posted: Wed Jan 15, 2014 5:16 am

Claira has indeed been in touch with our Pig$

Quote:

Hey claira, you good? well i got to introduce ma self to ya. am the newest fatty's artist you digg? He just ask me to drop you a line, so i been rapping at you about ma scrillers. you is welcome. (Thank you?)

Hello, and thank you for introducing yourself. As I'm sure Art told you, I handle the accounting for Hitlanta Records. I apologize for not getting back to you sooner, but with the new year and new tax laws, and tax season upon us, I'm afraid I was a bit overwhelmed today and I want to make sure that I get everything handled for you properly so that there are no delays with payments.

Claira

Quote:

thanks there. so tell me about it how you is gona be doing the
transfer and what is required. ok hope your night was cool?

Your payment will need to be made via bank transfer, and to do that I will need you to send me a bank account capable of receiving an international bank transfer. I must make you aware that because the sum is in excess of $10,000.00 USD, I will have to report the transfer to the IRS (Form 8300) and Homeland Security under the anti-terrorist provisions of the Patriot Act of 2002 (Sections 311-319(b) and 352). We may also require additional information from you in order to properly complete the 2005 U.S. Money Laundering Threat Assessment analysis which is required before the transfer can be released from our account to the escrow account which will then transfer the funds into your account in Nigeria. We will be withholding at least 26% to cover income taxes due to the IRS for a foreign payee, but I will verify that with the IRS to be sure that we don't need to withhold a higher rate.

Don't worry about understanding any of that; that is my job. I am simply doing my job in trying to explain all of the steps involved.

Quote:

ok sweetie, which type of bank account is that? i have a bank account, dont know if you check if it can receive any overseas transfer and what more information do you need from me. tho am here now we talk ok. (Check your own bank account to see if it can receive overseas transfers, dolt.)

He then sent Claira a half-arsed attempt with a "number" but no clue if it is a bank account number, SWIFT number, phone number...along with the street that the branch is on.

I apologize for the delay, I'm trying to get all of the tax documents generated for our employees 2013 tax returns and only have until the 31st to do so, which means I likely won't be able to respond to you until after business hours before I go home.

Thank you for the bank information, but I need the SWIFT code and also the limit for incoming transfers so I can get it set up.

Here, piggy piggy piggy...

Posted: Wed Jan 15, 2014 6:50 am

Is he going to claim dependents? I can't wait to see his forms he needs to fill out, not to mention gripping about having them scanned! Does he understand what taxes are?

What happened to Capone? I can't wait to see those emails! Razz

Posted: Wed Jan 15, 2014 10:55 am

^^^^^
Right here. Charley the shyster gets this:

Quote:

hello bro there is this part that has been confusing me, this that us
about to be paid, inclould my traveling expensis? and living too

Our wanna be doesn't get it's a total, that there are deductions and nothing at all until Phatties signs on the dotted line.

You should reach out to Art about this, but everything is included in the advance. How it's spent, well, that's your decision but the amount minus the withholding for Georgia state and Federal taxes is the total until your tracks are received, produced and are released. Any amount from sales, appearances etc, is applied against the advance until you exceed that amount.

I have spoken with Hotlanta's accountant and she still needs the SWIFT code for your bank and to be sure that the bank can receive a transfer of over $30,000. I think, my man, you should go talk to your bank manager and get the information and pass it along.

I have sent the contract to Art for signature. As soon as you send me or the accountant the SWIFT code and confirm that your bank can handle the transfer and Art ok'd the withdrawal, we're good to go.

Rock On,

Why do I think Phattie has his own agenda?

Posted: Wed Jan 15, 2014 12:30 pm

^Own agenda? Nah!

Lets see what Pig$ has to say:

Quote:

bro i sure be asking you this question, this advance that will soon be
sent, dose it include my traveling expensis?

Well it might cover the Mofro but travelling? Fatty doesn't play that!

Posted: Wed Jan 15, 2014 2:27 pm

^^^^ above two posts!!! Evil Lol

Ha ha! I can't wait for pretend reality hits him, then, after he is really crushed real reality hits!

Posted: Wed Jan 15, 2014 7:56 pm

Posting this for Capone. It's the last page of the contract with the witness, or potential ITP, and Pig$'s phone# blacked out.

Posted: Wed Jan 15, 2014 11:17 pm

So Fatty decided that Travel expenses for the poor Lad wasn't such a bad idea after all. Yup he has a Heart of Gold:

Quote:

Sup my Pig$,

You be asking the righteous question there Dawg and Fatty’s got the word cause that’s how we be rolling here in the Big Dirty. Sho we be taking care of all your needs Player cause we ain’t gonna have you being treated like no small time Clucker for reels if you know what I’m saying? Shit Balls its time to Drop the Dime and that’s the Gospel cause Fatty done said you!

Now Homie since Fatty be making sure your Arrival to Atlanta will be styling and be tossing Scrilla at his Main Man then he needs something in return if you understanding my meaning? Sho Nuff Player we be wanting some more of your Cool Spins done the Hotlanta way; down and dirty showing the Homies all the Grit and Grease cause that’s how we be rolling. Hit my main Bitch Darla on the Hip and she’ll be passing you the licks you Dig?

Speaking of that Ho she was telling me bout that Mofro you is getting and that is the Bomb that will make you all Nuclear down on this side cause having the look will keep all the Players on hook. You be the Dude with all the Attitude and Fatty done calls that Proper!

Peace out,

Art

That made sense right?

Quote:

boss cool, but i don't really get all that clear what you will be
want this dude doing, showing the grit like a video, photo or in music
recording? for the boss? just explain a little bit and make me
understand bro.

Oh don't you worry Fattys gonna done do some splaining:

Quote:

Sup Pig$,

Well Shit Balls Dawg I be wanting you to be making another Video music recording or two for us to be showing the Brothers down here in the Big Dirty how you be rolling like a true Gangsta! Sho nuff that Ho Darla has a few Spins for your choosing so we can be making us a DVD that goes with your Hitlanta coming out of the closet CD release Player. I know you is down with that ain’t you my Brother? Soon enough that Big old Freight Train called Fatty will be coming down the Tracks with his number one Homie playing the Engineer that all the other Brothers have come to Fear. Specially when you be sporting that new look then all them Fine Bitches will come a knocking cause you is the Main Man so that's why they is Flocking.

Peace out,

Art

Yeah that did it:

Quote:

cool bro now i got it all clear, so am gone do that fast when ma
scrilla land here bro if you is getting ma meaning cus now am down so
brok to make any of those, ok boss i will do as you said. i will be
rapping at ho darla now for the licks bro thanks.

Rap at the Ho my Pig$. Rap at the Ho!

Posted: Thu Jan 16, 2014 1:02 am

May I suggest Frank Zappa's "Penguin in Bondage"? Wink

Posted: Thu Jan 16, 2014 1:14 am

^Dang I like your style. I've been pondering Zappa licks for the Lad but just never thought of that one....

Quote:

She's just like a penguin in bondage, boy
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh...
Rennenhenninnahenninneninahenn
Howlin' over to some
Antarcticulated moon

Change it to a Swan and I'm all over it!

Posted: Thu Jan 16, 2014 1:25 am

^^heh heh. Cool

ETA:

Quote:

Lord, you know it's all over
If she come atcha on the strut & wrap 'em all around yer head
Flappin' her eight ounce wings, flappinumm

You're welcome, Oscar.

Posted: Thu Jan 16, 2014 1:53 am

^^^^

that's great TheFae!

OP, it looks like he said he's not going to record or do nothing until his scrilla comes rolling in, ya dig? Wait, Darla will get it out of him, she's good like that.

(I still hear Ginger's voice whenever I read Darla, anybody else do that?)

Posted: Thu Jan 16, 2014 2:28 am

^^^ Try WRITING with Gingers voice in your head!! Laughing

Posted: Thu Jan 16, 2014 5:19 am

Just yell "flappin her 8 ounce wings." You'll get the mood.

Posted: Thu Jan 16, 2014 5:27 am

GTmama wrote:

Posting this for Capone. It's the last page of the contract with the witness, or potential ITP, and Pig$'s phone# blacked out.

I'd make him re-sign it and have it witnessed again.

Fo realz kid we aint got but 12 months in a year and you wanna go and put a 13th on the calendar too. My brother you better know what time it is and what the day is, too. That shit don't fly in Atlanta.

I like doing that to lads since the US standard is month/date/year

Posted: Thu Jan 16, 2014 6:30 am

^^^ Not to mention scratching out the mistake he made. Everyone knows you have to initial that to show it was you that made the change. Duh. That's ok, something tells me he'll be crying over bigger things here in a few days!!

So, I've been in a little pain the last couple days and I've not felt like chatting up our pet but since OP sicced him on me, I relented. Damn OP's a sweet talker! Wink

For a pimp anyway.

Darla/Pig$

Quote:

hey baby how are you doing? hope your day was splended? Fatty done been rapping at me about some licks you will need to pass to me so am gone be waiting for the shit baby you digg? love you,

One flaming bag o' shit, coming right up...

Hey baby! Sorry I haven't emailed. I've been feeling a little sick. So Fatty wants me to do what? Did you mean he wants me to send you more songs? OMG are you going to be recording new stuff?? Yay! I can't wait to hear it. Thank you for making my day and making me smile baby! You're so sweet. Smile

I'll get with the writers and see what they want to send you. I think I sent you two songs back awhile ago didn't I? Before you recorded that one with your cell phone remember. Can you look and see if you still have it in your email please?

Off surbject but has Fatty seemed... Normal to you? Don't say anything ok but I think he might be doing some of the drugs he selling! I saw him come out of the bathroom earlier and he had all this white powder in his moustache. What should I do baby? Should I say something or tell anybody? It's been making me feel worse because I keep thinking too hard again.

I have to get back to work now. I'll send you those songs in a little while. I love you bunches!!

Always,
Your Tunchi

Quote:

shit balls Fatty has been acting well tho his slangs was diffrent today. well i got look for the song on ma mail if i still have it ooooooh shit i have it on ma laptop...what is it about the songs? well am waiting for the new licks, tho am gone record that after i get ma money you understand? love you too baby

Really? How was his slangs different? I'm really worried.

When did you get a laptop? I'll get you those licks by tomorrow ok? I know there's at least one new one and one cover. That's an older popular song you probably already know.

I've been feeling mildly sick a lot lately. Just slightly sick to my stomach. Felling a little faint too. I wonder what's wrong with me. I will have to figure out a way to pay for a doctor if this doesn't get better. Maybe I can ask Fatty. We'll see. Love you baby!

Tunchi

Quote:

wooo sorry baby you raelly needs to see the doctor, ok please take good care of your self ok, i love you baby, till morrow ok

As the Pigturd likes to say, hmmmmmmmmm... I wonder what could be wrong with Darla????

Notice he didn't answer me about the laptop. Idiot forgot he's been borrowing Snacky's Phone. Or he's been suffering, trekking miles and miles to and from the cafe , uphill both ways, until his poor shoeless feet bleed, back & forth, back & forth... just to talk to Darla. And Fatty. And Luby. And Barbie. And MJ. And Charlie. And Claira. And a few other's he's hit up but we haven't brought on board yet.

Back to my heating pad... Laughing

Posted: Thu Jan 16, 2014 12:00 pm

I wondered about that since Lawyer charley has been getting a lot of email-all about where's the money.Problem is we need the product before the money is sent!

Excellent idea about re-doing the signature page.

Posted: Thu Jan 16, 2014 2:15 pm

Quote:

And a few other's he's hit up but we haven't brought on board yet

Just when I think it can't get any better, it does!

Quote:

Problem is we need the product before the money is sent!

He has the belief he's in charge!

Posted: Thu Jan 16, 2014 3:40 pm

Shyster to Lad,

I finally sat down with the scanned copy of the contract you returned via scan. My man, we have a problem. The last page has information that was handwritten and then scratched out. This is not acceptable format for a binding contract and may affect it's enforcability as it implies hand written corrections on an original alters the terms and conditions. Please redo the final page, sign it, have it witnessed and send it back, WITHOUT corrections.

Rock on

Posted: Thu Jan 16, 2014 4:01 pm

^^^^^ Let the whining commence in five, four, three...

Posted: Thu Jan 16, 2014 4:51 pm

You're timing is excellent:

Quote:

ok bro thats no problem, just that the space given was not enough, tho
am ma get that quick. but is like the accountant is kinda slow you
know? well i get that tomorrow now is getting dark here, stay nice up
bro

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