Turd 4, Mombassa, Kenya

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Master of Master Baiters Joined: 24 Dec 2012 Posts: 699

I don't know. I think the slow option could be ok if he wants to catch the boat in March.

Posted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 8:11 pm

Well of course it needs to be fast. We all know that the longer it takes to get the sample tested the more the DNA breaks down. God forbid if it takes too long and the sample is no good and he has to do it again.

Posted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 8:27 pm

Of course, if he does send it slow, it might spoil, and then he has to do it again.

Just so everyone knows, I am not going to share the videos, if/when I get them. They are for use in making Hectors life difficult, later, if/when he goes home. But it looks like he is going to comply.

puke

Posted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 8:57 pm

I heard from a disreputable source that DNA lasts longer in other bodily excretions....

Posted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 8:59 pm

^^ Tut tut some of us are eating puke

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 26 Aug 2006 Posts: 577

The specimen needs to be viable upon receipt so speed and wax paper are equally important.

Have him buy some candles and make his own wax paper.

Posted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 10:16 pm

Philo, I am going to use that idea.

Baba wrote:

Dear Mr. Moishe,
You need a plastic sheet, a zip lock bag, and a jar, a sealed jar, like an old peanut butter jar, and then another zip lock plastic bag. You put your DNA sample onto the first sheet. Then you fold it into a closed packet, and then you place that in the first zip lock baggy. This must be then placed into the peanut butter jar, which will then be closed, tightly. Then this will be placed into the next ziplock baggy. This must be put into a small box. Then the box must be wrapped in brown paper. Then THIS must be handed to the people at DHL.
I think that due to the nature of the express mail, it would be much bettering for you to be using that.
Blessed be.
Your friend,

Baba

Posted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 10:46 pm

Maybe he should fill the jar with sand. the heavier the more expensive to post.

Baiting Guru Joined: 10 Oct 2010 Posts: 3877

if he sends it slow, he needs to send more of the sperm sample, since it is decaying at high temperature.

he should start collecting, so that the dna-laboratorium peter is capable of checking the dna.

EDIT: since you suggested to make the wax-paper at "home", how about this: he should make biometric prints on the paper, and then coat it with wax. after that, he takes high resolution pics of the paper. this way, he ensures that the receiver got the paper which he sent.

Posted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 11:11 pm

Since this is Help Hints and Tips:

I strongly discourage having lads send bodily fluids through the postal or express carriers, out of health and safety concerns for innocent employees. We can lay out the safe shipping requirements all we want, but we have to assume that cheap lazy lads won't necessarily follow through.

@DSW: My understanding is your modality won't require Hector to mail the package after all. All you need is the (icky icky) video. Please make it so. Thanks.

Baiting Guru Joined: 10 Oct 2010 Posts: 3877

the same thing would apply for having a lad tattooed.

if the lad has a decease like hiv, human papiloma virus, hepatitis a,b,c,d and similar things, and the tattoo "artist" does not desinfect his equipment, those deceases could be transmitted from the lad to ITPs. especially a multiple time tattooed lad like hector could be transmitting those virusses.
and tattoo-machines have direct access to the blood-streams of different persons.

the body fluid in the letter however would be sealed by the lad (more or less well done) and no ITP would open it (okay, in my opinion, someone who opens a letter of someone else quits being an ITP). maybe, if hector writes sperm sample on the wax-paper, this would prevent someone who opens the letter from opening even the wax paper.

EDIT: by the way, I worked with body fluids (blood plasma and derivations) for 3 years.

Elite Baiter Joined: 10 Mar 2013 Posts: 1486

If you are going to go on with that sample thingy would it be against the rules to "break the news" to to him? As in: he may want to get annother opinnion from annother doctor as there is a chance of error in the tester but meanwhile he may want to avoid contact with other people...

Posted: Thu Jan 09, 2014 2:26 am

I think Hardik will need to find out about the sample and write Hector to tell him he will need to do it... in Mumbai. There really is no need for him to send it anywhere.

That closes that window for him.

Baiting Guru Joined: 10 Oct 2010 Posts: 3877

how about this:

he needs to do something else.

dna sample taken out of his pubic hair.

so: video of him, shaving his butchered little friend, putting the hair into an envelope and send it to the peter osoja lab in lagos.

it's equally disgusting and avoids the problems with sperm fluids.

Posted: Thu Jan 09, 2014 12:50 pm

Baba wrote:

Dear Mr. Moishe,
Yes, and you must tell them it is a sample of DNA. To transmit medical material across borders is not a problem, as laid out in International Postal Law. I most readily assure you that this technique has work many times.
I remain waiting for your video so that I may give you informations about transfering of samples.
Blessed be,

Baba

When we get the video, Baba will not have access to email for two weeks. The crusty little sample will no longer be viable. He will have to do it again.

Posted: Thu Jan 09, 2014 4:57 pm

Wanker wrote:

Dear baba,
On last note,for jab bottle. And check for drug and bomb,they weigh by weight and sometime questions unecessarily.
Apart from this jar, which other lighter stuff can the semen pour into and courier
Moishe

Posted: Thu Jan 09, 2014 7:23 pm

Baba wrote:

Dear Mr. Moishe,
Okay, yu may try to put your DNA sample onto a sheet of plastic. Then, after this has been video with the voice pattern recognition word of "peter" at our moment of release you must fold it up. Then you place this into a zip lock baggy. Then into a next zip lock baggy, and from thence into a bubling wrapped envelope. Once I am in posession of the video I will then ask my associate where to ship it.
Time is of the essence. Remember, the boat will arrive on the 29th or so!
Blessed be,

Baba

Posted: Thu Jan 09, 2014 9:01 pm

oh peter

I hope Shorty likes his new admirer's message. Or were you just going to send it to his friends and relatives and ten thousand angry guymen?

Posted: Thu Jan 09, 2014 9:28 pm

Something like that, yes...

Posted: Fri Jan 10, 2014 2:26 pm

Turd wrote:

Dearest Baba,
See the attached thing.
Can I use that?

Picture of two zip loc baggies.

Baba wrote:

Dear Mr. Moishe,
You must first spray your DNA sample onto a plastic sheet, and, from there, fold that sheet up, and THEN, after that, place it in the zip loc baggies.
As soon as you get this done, I will tell you where to send it.
Blessed be,

Baba

Posted: Fri Jan 10, 2014 4:14 pm

Turd Boi wrote:

Dearest Baba,
Okay,I will do the video and send to you,once you have it save it and forward to the right person then delete it.
Moishe

Posted: Fri Jan 10, 2014 4:31 pm

Oh Peter

Posted: Fri Jan 10, 2014 5:16 pm

Baba wrote:

Dear Mr. Moishe,
It is very important to see the actual DNA sample being placed onto the plastic sheet. Then the folding, and lacing into the plastic zip loc envelope. Please be sure to have one full body shot including your face, and one shot of your moment of release of tension. The voice sample "peter" must be announced at the moment of release.
If you make any mistake, we can repeat this with a new voice sample.
Please try to do this correctly.
Blessed be,

Baba

Posted: Fri Jan 10, 2014 5:55 pm

Actually tell him that to insure this goes correctly he should say the phrase Peter repeatedly when he begins to feel he is going to climax to insure that he says the phrase at the point of climax. At the very least if you ever send this to Shorty it will make it that much more disturbing.

Posted: Fri Jan 10, 2014 7:00 pm

He really is going to do this isn't he? Shocked

Just. What. The. F@ck.