Turd 4, Mombassa, Kenya

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Posted: Sat Jan 04, 2014 4:40 pm

If he can just prove it by self milking, on video, then we will really know.

Ramdi wrote:

Dearest Mr. Moishe,

I am fuly aware of your many problems. I have juts receive an email letter from my good friend who tells me you do not want to make the last biometrics. That is a must happen for this to go through. As you know, this is supposed to go through Mr. Hardik, but we both feeling that Mr. Hardik is not a suitable person to receive it as he will use it for his own sexual gratification, and may not send it to the curator. The DNA sample is important, and the voice requirement will also go into the biometric file!

By sending it to my friend, he can deliver it to the proper person and your file will be complete. Mr. Hardik will be unaware of it until such times as you are already in Mumbai headed to Malaysia, and at that time, it will be of too much lateness for him to be interfering.

Our friend is a very most secure individual and this will not be use in any way other than its intentioning. Of that you can rest most very assure!
I am afriad that Mr. Bernie Rhodes is not considered to be a trustworthy person, and, you must be aware that your own temple has decide not to be of any help or use in this matter. Apparently they suspect you are working with a man they call Keyser Sose. This is not important, to me, this terribel claim, but you should know that they may be deciding to be trying to have you killed at some point.

Yes, I remember my good friend, Dr. Ravi! He was so kind to us in our caste! Such a good man! So thoughtful! Always helping us, even to the point of stretching the rules! He was the greatest man ever! I am sadnessing beyond comprehension over his loss! He was most very especially kind to my sister, who is dead, now! I am weeping bitter tears of sadness!

I am sorry you are not comfortable. I very much feel this sadness. I wish to be there, to give comfort to you, both spiritual succor and even the small pleasures you may find in my performing my wifely duties on you. That will happen very soon! I am envisioning this, daily! But we must not delay! You do not understand the risk that my friend and I are in by doing this! If this should go sideways, we will be most severely punished!

Please do your utmost to comply with this! I know it may seem too much, but it is a requirment! And do not feel anyway about your body. We have much less hang ups about this than people in your Temple. It is as natural as breathing.

My friend needs the video soon so to send your sample to a caretaker, who will forward it to the custodian. If you should miss this, the next boat may be some months away! Do you want to remain where you are for an indefinite period? That is the risk, my love!

I have to go. Mr. Hardik is going to meet with me to discuss something.
May Shiva bless you with golden showers,

Ramdi

Posted: Sun Jan 05, 2014 4:39 pm

Surprisingly, Turd Boi is hemming and hawing about his "requirementationingz"

Truly miserable Turd wrote:

Ramdi,
I read your message and I understand it all.
I suspect you have no idea how I live and survive here.I think you don't know.
I am not a tourist here,I do not camera,I am not in five star hotel,I am in local slum hiding from immigration and anti terror police who patrol everyday,I am using a phone with photo only to send emails to you.
I am not in a free society where I can get those things,I can not even afford three square meal per day,talkless of buying a camera,staying in hotel.I canot even afford paying $150 for express mail service.
I don't think you imagine how tough I am fairing here.I don't think you know how terrible it is here coupled with the long delay.
I regret to inform you that the semen and voice biometric can not be done at this moment unless you devise another method.
I understand you don't want the file go to hardik,that fine,but the question is how do we get the the biomeric done?
Ramdi,I am totally broke,I am penniless here,it is tough day to day for me here.
I don't know which other way this can be done,you can ask your friend if he has other suggestion or way out.
If you had told me this before I left dar es sallam,I will have done,but I sold the camera I had on me in dar es salaam to pay transport cost to get there.
Have you ever being on field operation before,I guess you have not,you can never imagine or feel how situation can be.
We have a big problem and this problem if not resolve,this may after our relationship and future together.
The point is,you and your friend need to understand that I am willing to do the biometric,but I have no supply,no apparatus here to do that.
Maybe your can send me associate here to provide the tool to do that or possibly,I can do it when I get to india.but if that is not acceptable,then I guess your plan falled.
You know I asked your before,I asked are you sure tis plan is well arranged?
I am so sorry,after all we have past through,after all we expected in future,this plan is going to be fucked up because of biometric.that is not cool.
I remember you told before that it will take only two hours and I will be on boat,I had thought you made a solid plan,but now it look like we are not moving forward due to the biometric.
Can't this be done on the on the boat Or immediately I get to india? You have to think about a way out.
It will be rather disappointing and sad that after all this efforts,we come to a sad end of our relationship just becuase you fail to get it that,in this my present state,I am poor,penniless,have no came and have no one to get it from.
I sleep in anoisy slum part of town just to get stay unnoticed.
This is too bad.I have headache
Moishe

He sounds miserable! Very Happy

Posted: Sun Jan 05, 2014 4:47 pm

Wait, no catarrh? He can't be that miserable then. Smile

Posted: Sun Jan 05, 2014 4:47 pm

"Mr Copy and Paste", in an email to Baba, wrote:

Dear Baba,
I read your message and I understand it all.
I suspect you have no idea how I live and survive here.
I am not a tourist here,I do not camera,I am not in five star hotel,I am in local slum hiding from immigration and anti terror police who patrol everyday,I am using a phone with photo only to send emails to you.
I am not in a free society where I canget those things,I can not even afford three square meal per day,talkless of buying a camera,staying in hotel.I canot even afford paying $200 for express mail service.
I don't think you imagine how tough I am fairing here.I don't think you know how terrible it is here coupled with the long delay.
I regret to inform you that the semen and voice biometric can not be done at this moment unless you devise another method.
I understand you don't want the file go to hardik,that fine,but the question is how do we get the the biomeric done?
I am totally broke,I am penniless here,it is tough day to day for me here.
I don't know which other way this can be done, do you have other suggestion or way out.
If you had told me this before I left dar es sallam,I will have done,but I sold the camera I had on me in dar es salaam to pay transport cost to get there.
Have you ever being on field operation before,I guess you have not,you can never imagine or feel how situation can be.
We have a big problem and this problem if not resolve,this may affect our relationship and future together.
The point is,you need to understand that I am willing to do the biometric,but I have no supply,no apparatus here to do that.
Maybe you can send me associate here to provide the tool to do that or possibly,I can do it when I get to india.but if that is not acceptable,then I guess your plan falled.
You know I asked your before,I asked are you sure this plan is well arranged?
I am so sorry,after all we have past through,after all we expected in future,this plan is going to be fucked up because of biometric.that is not cool.
I had thought you made a solid plan,but now it look like we are not moving forward due to the biometric.
Can't this be done on the on the boat
Or immediately I get to india? You have to think about a way out.
It will be rather disappointing and sad that after all this efforts,we come to a sad end of our relationship just brcuase you fail to get it that,in this my present state,I am poor,penniless,have no came and have no one to get it from.
I sleep in a noisy slum part of town just to get stay unnoticed.
Thank you
Moishe

He still sounds miserable! Thumbs up

Posted: Sun Jan 05, 2014 5:48 pm

Quote:

I have headache

That would to sum up his situation quite succinctly. Very Happy

It's amazing how much he writes when he's using a cell phone rather than a computer. It must be tedious writing such long emails. But I'm glad he does.

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 24 Dec 2012 Posts: 699

I think it safe to say he is off script.

Posted: Sun Jan 05, 2014 6:46 pm

^I think he's on his own script at this point. Go Team Hecturd! Very Happy

Posted: Sun Jan 05, 2014 10:03 pm

He sort of writes the script himself. I love the headache thing. I bet. He is "hiding in slum". Nice.

Ramdi wrote:

Dearest Mr. Moishe,

I am afraid I do not know what to say. Such a sadness has grip me unlike anything previously known except for the loss of my sister. I am most very concern for you in this present abominable situation. My dear husbind to be, I must tell you that I yearn for the day when we can be unite. When you tell me such terrible terrible things about, as you say, and please forgive me for use the obscenely languages, but I am merely using the quote of the words you have use, "fuck up" the meeting, I am feeling most very weak and lost as only I can tell you.

As you very well know, we have our places in our rigid society. There is no out for us. Even when I pay my indenturetood off, I am still only a low caste woman. You represent a shining star to me, and in that, also to my good friend. I think you do not appreciate the risks we are undertake to help you. My good friend tells me he cannot help you further unless this condition is meet. He is, as we say, getting the coldness in his feet.

It is not that we have associate to send. I think you are not understanding. We are the lowest level in our Temple. We are, as you say, low born. Is not for us to be able to do much. If we were Mr. Hardik and his level, the Brahman caste, then we wold be able to undergo any type of thing we need. We would have resources. But, as it stands, we do not even have so much as our own money. You think you have it hard? At least you are free! Look at us. Seriously, please, take a long look and consider, if only but for a small second of your time, what it means to be in our low caste. Do you think that because we eat well and stay in fancy hotel, and wear fine garments we are happy? Those are but mere material things! We are in the lowest position in our society! You cannot understand.

I am afraid that if you do not get this done in time, you will miss the boat, and not the proverbial boat, but the actual boat! And you only just barely miss that boat when you first come from the other place where you were. My friend is telling me if you miss this it would be perhaps two or even three months until such time as they can send more help. If not him, you must deal with Mr. Hardik! My friend not want to tell me this but he ask me to encourage you to comply with the last biometrics! He tells me it is of the utmost important!

I must run. I am only able to try to help you to understand what is needing to be done. As they say the horse can be going to the waters but it is the decision of the horse to be drinking of the waters.

I only hope that you make very most every efforting to comply with the needs for the Last and Ultimate Biometrics. If not, then we will have to either deal with Mr. Hardik or wait until April or even until May or June!

I await with the deepest of anticipation news of happiness and compliance from my friend! Please do not give in to defeatist and negative attitudes! Be a Can DO guy!

May Shiva bless you with Golden Showers.

Ramdi

Posted: Mon Jan 06, 2014 3:41 pm

Bernie wrote:

Hey, no problem! You are welcome! So, look, I need to know if you are going to get here any time soon. I need to do another meditation cycle, like, for a week or two. If you will get here during that time, I can hold off.

Its funny, here you are, so fucking close you can practically smell the fucking roast goat (I am telling you, this fucking goat meat, the way they cook it, oh my fucking god, it is so fucking good), and yet, you might as well be in fucking Brooklyn. Why don't you fucking walk here?

We have been waiting for you. I keep fucking thinking you will fucking arrive in Mogadishu and send me a fucking email. And yet, you keep not doing just that. I am wondering about your fucking mental health. Are you, like, you know, stupid, or something? Seriously, did your mom drop you on your head when she shit you out, or what?

Look, this fucking year is gonna be awesome! I have most of my shit set up on autopilot. The fucking money just comes in. Its commissions, %20 here, %30 there... it just fucking comes in! You got to set yourself up like that! No fucking risk.

I have to go, but let me know if you will be arriving here soon, or not. Three days notice and I can get the big fucking 55 gallon drum of caviar for the party. I will tell Machmud to prepare your cabin. Its not really big, but its nice. AC, i1.7metre TV, water bed, Tile floors, and the fucking place is bullet proof.

Okay, gotta go!

Hugs and kisses, sweet, sweet man!

Baiting Guru Joined: 10 Oct 2010 Posts: 3877

Quote:

I will tell Machmud to prepare your cabin.

the next walid?

I miss him...

Posted: Mon Jan 06, 2014 5:51 pm

We need a new Walid. Bless his crispy soul.

Baiting Guru Joined: 10 Oct 2010 Posts: 3877

oh yes, with a new weird way of writing.

hector needs to sit hours at his mobile phone, deciphering the mails.

Posted: Mon Jan 06, 2014 9:52 pm

Walid was a one off. I am merely seeding the future for more characters. New people are so useful with Hector.

Posted: Mon Jan 06, 2014 10:46 pm

Baba Ginooj wrote:

Dear Mr. Moishe,
I do not truly understand your situation. On this we can agree. How can i? I am here, and you are there. But i should point out that I also think that you should be aware that you do not fuly understand our situation, either.
I am sorry that this problem has persist and that our dear friend, Dr. Ravi, has most likely in all evidence been murdered. You cannot understand what a friend to us he was, such a nice and thoughtful man.
I am telling you that this must be done before we go any further. If not, the likes of Mr. Hardik will place impediments in our road of progress. This is very certain. For some reason, Mr. Hardik does not like you. Of course, he is rude to everyone, but you must be congniscent of the fact that he is the one controlling vast sums of your money. I do not know hoe much, nor do i care to know.
You must trust me on this, sir. I am telling you that this must happen. If not, I am at great risk. Unlike you, I am not a free man. I believe our friend, who very very much cares for you has inform you of this. If this discussion were to come out, then I would be made to suffer most terribly. My family would be made to suffer.
So, I must reiterate to you the need for this video as describe an for you to mail your DNA sample to an adress I shall give you. It can go air mail, not special mail like DHL. But it must happen.
We have three weeks until the baot will arrive in port. After that, it will be there for a few days. If you have not send the video an mail the package, then I will not be able to be of any use to you until some months time when the same boat has come back. I do not think Mr. Hardik wants to help you, but once you are in India, we can get you to the proper people and Mr. Hardik will no longer be an issue.
We are both counting on you and your generosity and good ways, sir. You have no idea how much we view you as a saviour to free us from our bondage. After I am done, I will be emigrating to America to open a hotel. My whole life depends on you. So does our friend. She is very much in love with you, sir.
I will leave you, now. Please do your utmost to comply with this. I assure you that this will assure us that Mr. Hardik and others in my Temple have no ability to interfere between you and your lawful funds left to you by the late Mr. Epstain.
Blessed be,

Baba

...and then Baba wrote:

Dear Mr. Moishe,
Just to clarify, if you have send the video and then email me receipt of the package of your DNA sample, then we will be able to assist you, EVEN IF THE PACKAGE has NOT arrive! As long as it reaches Mumbaim before you do, then we have NO PROBLEM.
Blessed Be,

Baba

Baiting Guru Joined: 10 Oct 2010 Posts: 3877

yes

and if mahmud tells hector (written in a similar way like walid) that he was a close friend to walid, it could help to push him a bit further. and we know how much he trusted walid.

and if he does not anything more than he would have done without walid II, he still writes more than he does now (and maybe it gives more insight into his situation).

Posted: Mon Jan 06, 2014 11:10 pm

No, if and when Mahmud starts writing, then he will have his own style. I try to write differently for all of my characters, both in structure, tone and vocabulary. Walid was singular. As much as I truly miss him, he's gone.

Posted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 11:18 am

Quote:

New people are so useful with Hector

Most of them get killed. This bait has the highest body count of any in baiting history. This new character might as well put on a red Star Trek uniform and wait for it to happen.

Posted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 11:47 am

Wishful thinking?

Master Baiter Joined: 16 Sep 2009 Posts: 229

B8er wrote:

Wishful thinking?

Color the hands black and then tell Hecturd this pic of him has been found and he should explain it because this compromises security Razz

Posted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 5:36 pm

Hahaha! Thats funny!

Yes, being a character in this bait is a dangerous proposition....

Turd Boi, in a verbal protest to the idea that he is an idiot, and that his mom may have dropped him on his head when she shit him out, wrote:

My friend,I am not stupid,my mental is sound as ever but you just don't get it that arriving at MOG requires facilitation cost which offcourse is unavailable now,I am penniless.
You have no idea that the situation is what it is,not a drama queen bullshit thing.

Posted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 5:44 pm

And in a note to Baba, Hector wrote:

Dear Baba,
You see?
I still have no idea what happened to Dr.Ravi,who cash the money and how my those photos turn up on interpol.
If he is murddered,who did it?who know about?how come anyone get hold of the information?who is working against us?
You see how highly risky sending those can be now,couple with the fact that the I have nothing on me.
I atleast try to understand your position and your help and true friendship.I appreciate that.
I will try and make an effort?
How secure is this plan?
Moishe

Oh, super secure. No worries. At all. Really. I promise.

Posted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 5:56 pm

Just a piece of advice, Hector tends to be prompted to action when there is a willing woman on the other end. One thing that might help is if you could create a female character that works with Bernie who has heard of the legendry exploits of Hector and cannot wait to meet him. Hell, she can even be an operative working for Farnsworth that has infiltrated Bernie's hideout and that communicates with him while he is meditating. He seems to be stuck in a holding pattern and making excuses, but I think the thing that would get him moving the fastest is if there was a promise of sex with an attractive woman when he got to Mogadishu.

Posted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 9:29 pm

Edited yo add, Modokmind, I think waving one piece of tail in front of him at a time is good. I want him to travel, but hiding in a slum in Mombasa sounds like fun, too! There are other ladies in the wings, but this is not the time for them!

Baba wrote:

Dear Mr. Moishe,
I am unaware of any circimstance tied to the disappearingness of Dr. Ravi.Most sadly I have no ideas about moneys or cashing of moneys. I only know about my friend. This is very much out of my role in my Temple.
As for risky, I can only tell you that custody of the video will go from me directly to the Curator. My copy will get destroying, and then your DNA sample will go into your file. This is %100risky free. I can tell you without any reservation that any such video sent to me will go direct to your file.
As for who is working against us, this is a hard one to say. I suspect that, even though Mr. Hardik is being difficult, he is not the one trying to sabotoging you. If he wanted to have you hurt, he could, most very easy peasey japaneezzee. He may want your moneys. We wonder if it is people from the Kali Temple, miscreants who do not give Shiva His most richly deserve respect and honor. But, if so, they would have try to hurt you.
Please do try to make the effort. As is requested, a video of you milking yourself and sealing the fruit of your tension into an envelope is all that is require. Your face must be visible during the video, but the moment of excretion must focus on your manhood and the wax paper. That must be clearly visible in the video so as to ascertain your identity. And the test word for your voice biometrics is "peter", which you say as you reach the triumphant expulsion of your tensions.
Once we have that, then by the 30th of this month, or, at the latest February 2nd, you will be on the boat as it set sails to Goa. From there you will be given 1st class train ticket to Mumbai in the company of one of our female operatives. She is low caste, too. In Mumbai, she will take you to present you to the Temple, and then they will resume releasing the fundments of yours most very immediately! After that, you are free to travel anywhere you desire. I know our friend is hoping you will come to Malaysia to be unite with her.
Please d your utmost to comply with the last biometric,
Blessed Be,

Baba

Posted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 5:51 pm

Bernie wrote:

Well, where the fuck are you? You know that Interpol has a fucking alert for Philios, right, from South Africa up to Dar Es fucking Salam. What a fucking mess. Seriously? You are just going to sit there and fucking whine? Damn. I am going to do my meditation thing for one fucking week. Get back to me with a fucking plan.

Posted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 6:39 pm

Turd Boi, to baba, indicating he will wank himself on camera, wrote:

Dear Baba,
I received your message and I understand very well.
I got zip baggy and envelop,it remains camera or aphone with video functions.
Is there any other option apart from using wax paper?wax paper is unavailable here.
Also,normal postal airmail may take two weeks,but express delivery faster but expensive.
Moishe

More expensive and faster, or cheaper and slower? Hmmmm. I think it should be fast!