My first real kissoff

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Posted: Sat Oct 30, 2004 3:43 am

... to a cast of dozens. Well, more like a half dozen. Minus one or two. I had this lovely bait with yet another lotto scam, this time the and the dear little lad(s) used so many identities it's a wonder heads didn't pop. My initial prize notification came from , then I got introduced to , then , and for some inexplicable reason, Hiero's address began to be signed with the moniker .

Anyway, I had quite a bit of fun frustrating them by insisting I had family in London, and flying there fore the notarization was no problem. Hey, it was welcome! I could visit the (imaginary) sister-in-law! No matter what poor did, he couldn't get to wire that darned $950 to , who popped up out of nowhere as the "Head of Legal".

I won't bore by posting the whole bait, since it was mostly notable for the incredibly laughable attempts at English. It did yield such gems as the fact that the lads ignored the giant [Spam] flag, which I left in the subject line. And these lingual nuggets.

Quote:

It is pertinent i let you know that a closing date for
the collection of your funds has already been
announced as this also applies to the rest sixteen
winners, hence you must speedy up sending your full
contact details to me, so i can immediatelly commence
the processing of the transfer of your funds.
I wish to also inform you that this promo lottery
conducted by our company cuts across age, sex
,educational background,
profession or even social status as all seventeen
winners were pick via a computer ballot system
without any
favouritism involved.This was evident when
last year a 12 yrs old cuban boy was among our
seventeen winners in our bia annual promo lottery and
his lottery prize funds has since been
transffered to him. I once more congratulate you and wish you the best use
your your funds,
as we do hope you would extend your generosity of this
funds of yours to assist charity, as the decision to
do so is purely yours.

Other fun highlights included, extreme overuse of the phrase "your won prize", which kept reminding me of the "One Ring". There was also the fun of Felix doing paste twice, sending me one message with all the information repeated, so I did the same in my forward to the next lad. "I need a notarization or something, apparently.", I typed twice.

There was also the startling news that the U.S. President has started handing out full-blown mandates to the British government, and they're taking it lying down. And just in case I've been dead for the past four years, the civics-minded lad reminds me who is president where I live.

Quote:

This was one of the recent mandate
given to the Brtitish government by the american
president George Bush in his recent visit to London
as part of his five nations tour of major Europan
countries stressing the need for all Europan leaders
to ensure that funds or cheque leaving Europe must not
be used to assist any terrorist group in the united states.

Also, apparently Britain doesn't trust their own currency any more, and travel to Britain can be very stressful.

Quote:

You are expected to make all payments in dollars,while
you insist i should be paid in dollars over here.
I must draw your attention that due to my profession
as a renouned lawyer, i a just trying to save you the
stress of coming down to London to swear before the
court that you are real beneficiary of this cheque

There's also been a new day of the week added, and two days notice is plenty to get a flight to London from North America... Also, in other news, commas may be substituted for periods.

Quote:

I will like you to come over to London before wenesday,becasue the notarization of lotto winners will send on wenesday,so please try and be in LONDON before wenesday,

I also learn lads fear being sued, and only use dates when it suits them. No matter! Fictional flights to London are easy to change! And hey, Hiero, why are you suddenly signing your mails as Jose?

Quote:

I asked you to come over on wenesday 27 october and now you are telling on november 3,for your information the notarization will end on sartuday30th october,you must be in London before sartuday30th or you send the notarization fee,

If the Lotto company cancel your won prize,please don't take any legal action against our company,You are the only winners left who has not receive his/her prize,i don't know hwy you want to wast almost the notarization fee in flight ticket,

Hiero Raul is my assistance in office,

Time for a slap, Hannah thinks.

Quote:

You only gave me about a day's notice to get a flight into London? What were
you thinking? Despite your incompetence, I managed to change my flight to an
arrival at 6:50am London Heathrow on the 30th. And I already told you, I have
family there that I want to visit. How dare you say that my wanting to combine
my visit with this notarization is a "waste"!

And why are you personally using your assistant's email address? That's very
unprofessional.

Hannah

Oh, my, poor HieroRaul is getting a bit frightened of big, bad Hannah. Perhaps he thinks she'll sue. Perhaps he would be less frightened if he actually bothered to read that she's arriving quite early on Saturday. Or is that sartuday? What are we up to now? Nine days of the week?

Quote:

Dear Hannah,

Please if you don't come to London before sartuday or send the notarization fee,i will advise you to forget about your won prize,

Regards,

Jose Ramon

This boy's spelling and grammar skills are beginning to make my eye twitch, since I'm a bit of a beta reading Nazi. Oh, what the heck! I've had a rough week!

Quote:

I am arriving in London on 6:30 in the #^&*king morning on the 30th. I will be
there before anything business-related opens, thank you very much. Do you even
bother to read my emails to you? I sent my arrival time in the last message!

Hannah

Oh, dear, I've hurt the schizophrenic lad's feelings! I've made him resort to the CAPS LOCK OF RAGE for using a curse word.

Quote:

Dear Hannah,
Why are you too rude,you sound too irresponsible,why do you use the world #&^%ING on me,You are feeling too wise because you are an American,Please don't use such word on me next time,
For your information after the notarization on sartuday i will be leaving for Madrid Spain,you have to be in London before then,pls learn how to be punchy and purify in writing to responsible people,
Regards,
Jose RAMON

Well, I try to be punchy, but you are hurting my eyes with your bad typing skills, bub. Oh, I figure I can get one more round slapping in on him. So I do. I figure I'll play to his fear of lawyers.

Quote:

Look, pal, you're the one who sounds irresponsible. You're using your
ASSISTANT's email account to correspond with winners, you don't bother to give
more than two days notice for getting a flight from North America to LONDON,
despite the fact that I plainly told you I would be coming for the
notarization, and you top that off by not even comprehending an email of a few
lines in plain English where I quite clearly told you I would be arriving
early on Saturday.

Quite early enough for the notarization, unless something has changed and the
entire city of London shuts down at 7 in the morning on Saturdays, these days.
You're not responsible at all. You've been nothing but incompetent and lazy
since contacting me, and you have done nothing but try to weasel out of my
coming to London to collect my winnings. What are you trying to hide, you
snake in the grass? You had better be there and be on the ball, or I'll be on
a plane to Madrid to bring you up on charges.

Hannah

Poor shnook runs out of bullets and throws the gun at me.

Quote:

Dear Hannah,

I will advise you to forget about your won prize

Jose RAMON

Against my usual leanings, I decide this guy deserves a proper kissoff. He's so pathetic at scamming, I figure he should be discouraged from continuing in this career, lest he starve. Not to mention, it was fun to draft a G-rated kissoff.

So, my very first "I was wasting your time" kissoff.

Quote:

Look, Hiero, Jose, Felix, or whatever you prefer to be called at the moment,
you and I both know there was never any prize in the first place. There is no
legitimate Cheerfulgate Promo Lottery, and Felix Wilson, Hiero Raul, Viere
Gasol and Jose Ramon sure as hell aren't giving out prizes. They're nothing
more than little 419 advance fee scamming mugus.

But that's okay, because there is no real Hannah Princeton, either. "Hannah"
was never going to hand any money over to you filthy mugus, because I knew
from the moment your initial letter landed in my Spam folder that you were
nothing more than grubby little fakes and petty thieves. But I've enjoyed
wasting two weeks of your time, laughing at your pathetic attempts at legible
emails and "official" documents, and getting your hopes up about scoring a
maga. I'm sure some of my friends will get a big kick out of you being made a
fool, as well. We'll put you right there on the internet, for all and sundry
to point and laugh. And in the bargain, we'll educate a few potential magas.

So, tah, Hiero, it's been fun. I'm sure we'll bump into one another again,
maybe in a few weeks, maybe in a few months. And I'll make you jump through a
few hoops and get your hopes up, and I'll have a good laugh over how you
haven't learned anything in the meantime. I'm sure a lot of other people will
have a good laugh with me. Maybe some of them will even join in on making you
dance a jig to their tune, and wasting more of your time. The only one who can
forget about their won prize, here, is you. You can kiss your maga and your
payday goodbye, because she was all in my imagination and your sweaty little
mugu dreams.

Hannah

Not too shabby for a lotto bait, really. A few laughs, a few laughable trophies, and a hint of desperation from the lads by the end. I doubt he'll respond, but if he does, it's sure to be fun to read. *singing* Call jme... irresponsible...

Posted: Sat Oct 30, 2004 3:43 pm

good show, mrsbean! i usually don't do much with the lottery scams, as it's not as easy to get them wound up too tight, or on the hook very long.

but you had him going for over two weeks... and managed a very effective "G-rated" slap. if only he would reply....

btw, like your avatar Wink

Posted: Sat Oct 30, 2004 5:59 pm

You know, I think I accidentally hit on the formula for keeping lotto baits going longer. Either pose as a nice, but slightly dotty older gentleman, or pose as a woman. Or in my case, pose as another woman. For some reason, lads seem to take a lot more patience with females. Maybe because they've got that "little girl lost' idea about women. You can be naive as all get out and ask them to explain things to you in detail and be charmingly evasive, cheerfully shoot holes in their plans and they don't blink. Then, when you get rough with them, I think it's all the more shocking, because you're supposed to be a dainty lady and you've been previously compliant.

And thanks about the avatar. Grabbed it from another message board. That shot of D'Argo seems to be popular iconage. PKW R1 DVD coming in January. A mere $10 and change at Deep Discount DVD. For 4 hours of leatherclad goodness. The Mini inspired me to start using Charrid Finance as my bank when replying to lads. I'm going to have to save that slap and keep it in reserve for my more pathetic lads. This one, I almost felt sorry for.