Turd 4, Mombassa, Kenya

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Posted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 12:18 am

As the old thread has been closed I am opening this one. No word from Hector today. Walid is still alive. That is all. Remain bless. Amen.

Hectors has been baited for most of the last 4 years. Originally baited by Slap Happy and Just Jane, he was placed into a series of cascading events in the Simba Safari thread, where he travelled many, many miles. He has been baited very hard, starting with Just Jane and Slap Happy, with the Lovely Jill, and then baited by Jade Falcon and Inspector Gadget, along with myself and Bohigal. Bohigal and I have had him the longest and been responsible for his very, very long safaris, both in terms of time and in terms of miles.

In his time he has given "ear prints" nd "nose prints", sent numerous security photos, been tattooed twice, and sent very compromising photographs, which will be used to make his life miserable when he ends up home.

Hector was induced to head to a variety of places in Hectors Grand Tour,

Hector, before heading to South Africa, where he is stranded now, describes his journeys succinctly for us when he wrote:

In case you do forget things easily, let be bring your mind back to memory lane, it may be ease for anyome to forget the ordeal ,but I can not forget at all.
What do you mean by a LAZY ASS and a FOOL? Let me explain to you.
Do you call a man who left Ghana to Monrovia back back to Ghana, to Dakar,Senegal to koalack, to ambouli border to banjui<Gambia- back to koalack to darak to kayes, Mali to Bamako back to seku- to Gao then to Niamey,Niger – dosou- to maradi to winder to difa, went through desert without water and food for days to Mao,tchad- to njamela back to Abeche, to Adre. Back to njamela ..then cross the kuseri sea to cameroon through busy to Maiduguri.
All this while, there about 50 ninja men, the koala,and then several Interpol police running after me for years.back to Ghana back to Cairo to assuit to luxor to edna to aswan back to read sea bact to jail, then back to here. Do you call this man small boy?

After that, he fell in love with Gretchen, who was to meet him in South Africa.
Sadly, that did not work out for him, and he ended up where he is now, in Cape Town, broke, hungry, cold, and with an over extended visa. You can read about that here in Turd 3.

Hector has yet to write today and I hope he returns so we can write another 100 pages. Walid, who I have enjoyed creating, is in mortal peril, and so is Gretchen. I have had no word from him in 24 hours, so this thread may be very boring if he is in jail for the next 6 months. Lets hope he materializes so that we may enjoy hearing about him sawing his foreskin off.

[CENTER]Hosted by Upload Eater>.

Glam shot

[CENTER]Hosted by Upload Eater>

[/quote]

Posted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 1:05 am

Keyser Sose wrote:

Simeon,
Walid barely avoided getting necklaced. This is a particularly brutal way to die. He handled it bravely, in the end, and than he was spared. He cried, but did not blubber. The photos you have sent were to buy him time until you sent more photos.
You have not sent the photos. We have ascertained that the phots are fake. You must send real photos. If not, your friend dies.
I also understand that the Gomers are eager to sell Mia to some Arab, a Saudi with a lot of money, for his harem. I do not like this, and would much prefer to return her to you, since you have paid for it, but you have yet to comply with your penance.
Please let me know if you are a man and intend to save your girl, or if you prefer her to be sold into sexual slavery for the balence of her days, or at least until she gets old and is of no use as a sex toy.
Simeon, what you fail to understand is that actions have consequences. Izzy has done a lot to help your friends, but at this point it is the Gomers who are running this circus. You cannot negotiate with them. You must comply.
Please indicate if you will save your friends or not.

Keyser Sose

Posted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 1:40 am

Luckily, the Temple is working to help Hector.

Joey Sabra wrote:

Dear Sir,

My name is Joey Sabra. I am a former commando. I have been asked to contact you. I am your new contact in the Temple. I am in charge of rescuing you from your predicament.

Please tell me how you are doing, where you are and how I can be of service to you.

Best wishes,

Joey Sabra

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 24 Dec 2012 Posts: 699

^^^^ A great opportunity for Hecturd to explain what has happened so far. What his problems are...
Epic Hecturd emails are epic...

Posted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 4:16 am

I would like to tell Mr Sabra that I enjoy his hummus. Very Happy

I'm looking forward to seeing what this new character brings. I'm sure he will be revealed as a lunatic in time too.

Posted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 4:34 am

Tiffany wrote:

Super Lad,
Did you get an email from your new handler? He has been assigned to you. He knows nothing about you. You will need to explain where you are. What has happened. Who the other players are.
Be careful about what you tell him. His name is Joe. He is a good guy. But do not trust him too much.
Did they kill Gretchen yet?
When will we be married?

Tiffany

Posted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 5:48 am

DSW said:

Quote:

In his time he has given "ear prints" nd "nose prints", sent numerous security photos, been tattooed twice, and sent very compromising photographs, which will be used to make his life miserable when he ends up home.

I believe we may be forgetting a certain penis print. lol

Posted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 12:20 pm

Joey Sabra. Here we go again. Oh my god.

Posted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 1:56 pm

Joey got an email already telling him to change to Super Secret New Email. Done.

Joey wrote:

Dear Sir,

I am ariting to enquire about your general condition. I need a lot of information, if you can tell me where you are, what you are doing, and how things have gone. The just handed me thi, and your files are locked for 6 months!

Information needed!

Joey Sabra

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 24 Dec 2012 Posts: 699

Who is this Joey Sabra and which thread should I read to know more about his recent tortures?

Posted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 4:56 pm

Joey Sabra is a brand new character. That has been the key to Hectors world! New characters, all the time.

Elite Baiter Joined: 10 Mar 2013 Posts: 1486

I must ask: Is it just Finland or is Timbuktu considered as a kind of "last place in the world" or just generaly a realy distant place? You know the place where you hitchike to if you piss off somebody (I believe that this was a common theme in old Donald Duck -comics)?

Would it be possible to get him to Timbuktu just for me?

Posted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 5:49 pm

I have a feeling that he has been there, or it has been tried before. DSW will be able to say for sure.

Edit to add : yes he has been there, but no reason why he couldn't go back sometime.

Elite Baiter Joined: 10 Mar 2013 Posts: 1486

Inspector Gadget wrote:

I have a feeling that he has been there, or it has been tried before. DSW will be able to say for sure.

Edit to add : yes he has been there, but no reason why he couldn't go back sometime.

That map suggests that he was there during this current safari.

Posted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 6:08 pm

He has been there during his Grant Tour. He didn't like it very much.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Has he been to Somalia yet?

Gadling had it #1 on their list of places you do want to visit,

1. Mogadishu, Somalia
Still crazy after all these years, "Mog" has perhaps the most terrifying disclaimer (ever) hovering above its entry on wikitravel. It states, "Mogadishu is regarded as the most lawless and dangerous city on Earth and is currently experiencing a major food and refugee crisis. It is not safe for leisure or tourism. If you are planning a visit for international aid work, etc, you will need expert advice and planning."

Quote:

Civil War has raged for decades, and the government controls only a few blocks of the city. It is a base for modern pirates, the backdrop for the true story surrounding Black Hawk Down, and it is said that machine guns are frequently used by drivers to negotiate through car traffic. It is a land without law, a soulless place at the edge of Africa. Much of it bears more resemblance to the last level in an especially difficult video game than to life on Earth. It is more modern warfare than modern world.

Oddly enough, several supermodels were born in Mogadishu including Iman and Yasmin Warsame - a footnote of beauty for an ugly place. Flights to Mog can be booked on Jubba Airways from Jeddah and Dubai. Good luck with that. Seriously though, if you decide to go, be sure to wear a bulletproof vest and hire a small army of Ethiopian soldiers.

Posted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 6:47 pm

What a coincidence! Bernie moved there shortly after Hector arrived in South Africa! Cool

Keyser Sose wrote:

Simeon,
I am tired of not hearing from you. We are working to help you, Izzy and I, but you are not working to help us help you help your friends. These Gomers, they are a very cruel bunch, I don't need to tell you, and they have laid down their demands. What have you don? Sent pictures of the tip of your pinky being abused, slightly? You need to sever the flesh.
You know you have until tonight, right? At midnight they will burn Walid. It is beyond our control.
You are running out of time. You have a few hours.

Keyser Sose

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Poor Walid. The clock is ticking again. Crying or Very sad

I assume that Bernie is living in a mansion, right?

Posted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 7:00 pm

He has a new compound in Somalia! Its opulent beyond imagination, and he has $190,000,000 in cash buried there, in his new vaults. Hector f*cked up by not telling Bernie he was going to South Africa! When he got there, sadly, Bernie had already left....

Tiffany wrote:

Super Lad,

I have to admit I am getting used to the idea. Of you. And me. I kind of like it. I think you will be very happy with me. And I will be very happy with you. Or else. I better be happy. Do we understand each other?

Did they kill your friend yet? If so. That is sad. Such is life. Izzy told me they are going to "necklace" him. Put a tire on him and set him on fire. They say it hurts a lot. And then you die. And all you needed to do was finish the operation. I hope you take better care of me than you did him. You really did nothing to help him. You are such an uncaring friend. We can be sad together when they kill Gretchen. I am going to miss her. But then I get you. Or else.

You need to straighten up. Fly straight. Otherwise you will end up where you are headed.

Write me. Now. Or else.

Tiffany

Posted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 8:39 pm

Bernie, who has been out of touch, wrote:

I have had a fuck of a time with this fucking internet. What a goddamn fucked up country this is when it comes to internet. Still, the place fucking rocks for being able to keep security. I have 200 men working for me, my own fucking army.

Whats the fucking deal with Walid? Did you finish te fucking operation? Did they let him go yet? I have not heard shit from anyone.

Fuck, I miss him! I cannot wait for him to come home. As soon as you guys are all together, you can all come here, and we can finally be together. Celine has been freaking the fuck out, every fucking night "Where is Walid?" You know the fucking drill.

I am sure it fucking hurt, Hector, but you were a man about it. I am fucking proud of you.

See you soon! If I don't write its because the fucking internet sucks!

Posted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 9:57 pm

Walid wrote:

bothre is times for mek me say godby to my bother an my fambly bothre is no relly wan for dedd yu no sake of is like my life is onlioste be hope yu wulda hep me with do what them say sake of they teld me yu spose for chopt oft pees of yur pnis is no so bad is had my fingres get chopt oft to is hurts but is stil lvign onloste is go be no l;ive muhc longre izzy teld me yu no wirted he an no wirted poples yu spose for be wierted so is go be diered sonliste
bother is tel yu is freyd for ded is put tiers on me is set redy for set me pon fier is nevre like it but then is teld me yu is save me is only glad and then is latre teld me yu is send picture of onliste be smal optrayshun is no do thr hole ting an is teld me is time for ded
pleese bother tel my son is me one love he won lot is he is my love an teld my wife is me ons is tink of she is sad for nevre se her agin inna this life bothre is sad is go be dedd soonlist an is nevre go for fele my gyal hayer inna my hands for heere for she vice di talk up an laff sake of she has one life is soun like mooosic to my eers bother an my lee lee bwaii is no go be rember me wen he issa big man is mek me sad btohre is sad
is me hads for go sake of them teld me for say godby so plese teld my guy is rember him as my bets frend evre is he one teech me so muhc
bothre live yur life an no freyd for dedd do good ting inna life an then yu is go mete me ina paradais
yr fredn name walid is teld yu godby bothrre an sen yu al the love inna worlds name walid.

Posted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 10:39 pm

I wonder if he got a one way trip to a cold and dark place...

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 24 Dec 2012 Posts: 699

He may be afraid to open his email at this point.

Posted: Fri Jun 21, 2013 11:30 am

He's still out there : 10:20 this morning

Quote:

not yet found out, buts update from your side?

I've been asking him if he knows where Bernie has stashed his money.

Quote:

Hector,
Not found out if Wonky got the chop yet, Bernie is having probs with the interwebs, he's not been asking for stuff to be moved anywhere so it's pretty sure he's hunkered down somewhere to wait out the storm.
Totty 1 has got her bags packed, Ninja's have reported a sighting to her, but she is waiting for confirmation before flying out, Potty Peterson is on standby and will give me the nod if he gets a wheels up order.
Koala has disappeared from the Simba camp, don't know where he has gone, reported that new teams of Ninja's arriving on Monday.
Will have to find out what Interplod are up to, they've been way too quiet.

Chopper and Bell End have got snip jobs bringing in the Ninja's they might know more, will be in touch tomorow.

Farnsworth

Posted: Fri Jun 21, 2013 12:00 pm

Two hours ago. What he is talking about I don't know.

Hector wrote:

I am seriously sick, i did it and i will do it again.

Izzy wrote:

MOISHE

WHAT? WHAT YOU'RE AGAIN GOING TO DO? STAND AROUND YOUR BUTTOCKS SCRATCHING WHILE YOUR FRIENDS DIE? FEH. ME THEY'VE GOT UNDER CONSTANT WATCH NOW, AFTER MIA I TRIED TO HELP ESCAPE. MY FINGERS I HAVE STILL ONLY BECAUSE SUCH A GOOD LOCKPICKER I AM, OTHERWISE STUBBY YOU WOULD BE CALLING ME BY NOW.