HELL SAFARI – Edo State, Nigeria - Ghana, Benin & Kano

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Not quite a Newb Joined: 22 Jul 2011 Posts: 50

Brilliant work!!!!

Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2011 7:26 pm

Thanks for the entertainment! You deserve the gold hat.

Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2011 8:36 pm

Congrats on going gold, Monsignor!! Well deserved.

Bruin

Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2011 9:58 pm

Congrats Monsignor!!

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 18 Nov 2011 Posts: 8

congrats, well deserved

Elite Baiter Joined: 19 Jun 2011 Posts: 1066

Congrats on the well-deserved and much covetted Golden Pith, Monsignor! This safari brought much joy to many readers, myself included, and now you have the sig icon to prove it.

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 14 Oct 2011 Posts: 18

Just wanted to say ... congratulations and masterfully played. I bet you manage to hook this sad fish again some day. Wink

Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2011 9:24 am

Had i known about this when i spoke with you yesterday i would have congratulated you. So i do it now instead. Congrats, it is well deserved. And you have added something to your safaris which most of the safaris is missing. A great package.

You not only made a safari with different destinations and loads of suffering. You told the story in an appealing way as well. You told the bait as a story and gave graphical information about the lads, yours, your characters, and ITP's story throughout the bait.

In essence not only the lad, but also you went the mile during this ride. And that is why i think that the mods have made a good choice by awarding you the golden pith.

I am honored to have been allowed to play a part in it.

Fantastic work The Monsignor.

Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2011 11:48 am

Congrats Monsignor! This has been one of my favourite threads on Eater.

Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2011 12:48 pm

Great news! this one is right up there with the best of them.
I look forward to further adventures with Alex... He's not done yet Twisted Evil

Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2011 11:51 pm

On completion of the 3 Safaris, my grateful thanks to all involved:

Safari One – Ekpoma to Accra.
BluthBanana as Ed Robins (by email).
Deuzer - for his Receipt Generator.

Safari 2 – Ekpoma to Cotonou/Parakou/Tourou/Djougou/Cotonou.
SlapHappy as Ed Robins.
jose_cuervo as Pierre Salami and Brian Stalin.
thomas-the-tank for behind-the-scenes assistance.

Safari 3 – Ekpoma to Kano.
SlapHappy as Ed Robins.
Dr Mike as Pierre Salami.
Juan Freizwidatt for donating a Premium Membership (which was awarded to...)
...acoustic_fidelity for PhotoShop work.
Captain Pugwash for behind-the-scenes assistance.

All 3 Safaris
OxygenDeprived for his Premium Members' ‘AllStar Shipping’ modality, without which...

Thanks, all. If ever I can help you...

Finally, to all of the supporters of this Thread, for their enthusiastic and encouraging posts. These were incredible!

Posted: Fri Dec 02, 2011 1:36 pm

Having spent 2 days reading this thread I have to say congratulations to TM for the entertainment and to all of the other baiters involved.

BUT I still think there is more mileage in Alex / Kelvin yet.

Maybe the pastor could travel to visit your hapless lad only for his plane to be diverted and then he could get himself kidnapped by Sal@mi or maybe Ed R0bins could fly over for a holiday in a SSC and could invite your lad for a holiday (with a few women thrown in) and maybe $25,000 compensation in cash to save the reputation of AllScam.

Maybe the pastor commits suicide and his daughter after seeing pictures of Alex falls madly in love with him and flies out to Nigeria to meet up with him but her plane has Johnson Rod trouble and has to divert to another airport.

There are still so many options open for this nasty piece of work, you shouldn't give up so soon.

Posted: Fri Dec 02, 2011 6:16 pm

Update Tonight! Very Happy

here · Posted: Fri Dec 02, 2011 6:27 pm

^^^^^
TM, you big bad tease!!

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 01 Dec 2011 Posts: 12

Oh my! I was just going to post my support for your work TM, but then seeing there's an update, I now wait excitedly for more from our good friend .....

Posted: Fri Dec 02, 2011 9:41 pm

^^ So, you drew your support back, Supporter? Wink

Posted: Fri Dec 02, 2011 10:36 pm

Enjoyed every moment of it, looking forward to Safari 4 and 5. I think you have it in you TM.

Posted: Sat Dec 03, 2011 1:00 am

Alex Kelvin watched carefully as the Clerk counted the money out in front of him. The equivalent of $50 USD. He had robbed a man in the US. Lost a leg in combat. Stupid Mugu desperate for a loan to buy himself a mobility vehicle. Probably good for a bit more cash yet.

Grinning, Alex headed for the local bar.

SHARING MEMORIES – “I don’t have anywhere sleeping. I don’t have anybody. I don’t paste. I don’t eat. They told me to beggar...”

“I thought, what kind of business is he (Mbayo) doing with me? Is he blackmailing me or what?”

“The minute I heard Mr Salami, I was shocked and I thought all hope is lost”

“Maybe God is willing to use you to help me”

“Sir, I thank you and may God continue to Bless you for your concern towards my affair”

Dear Readers,

Kelvin has been home from Kano for 13 days now. Unlucky for some, as during this period he has continued to scam and cheat. He repeatedly rings The Priest just after 0600 hrs and throughout the day, and sends him regular e.mails, pressing for a MoneyGram or Western Union payment.

He is constantly opening new email addresses, in order to keep one step ahead of the email hosts that close his corrupt accounts. He will steal money from anybody, regardless of age, health, and circumstance.

I try to never lose sight of the reality that this man is a worthless, psychopathic thief.

Enjoy!

Quote:

Mr.Monsignor,

This is to inform you concerning these transaction in reference to the remit money by the bank to make you loan funds transfer successfully done with.

Meanwhile according to Mr.Alex Kelvin from his trip to kano make us understand that their is no need awaiting for the consignment returns due to an erratic behavior of the allstars in releasing the packages to the secretary.

Therefore it has been concluded that the company has really tried all possible best to exercise patient to this extend and the bank,so the management of the company deadline for you to ensures you remit the money at all cost because transfer cannot wait the allstars returns back consignment to you in U.K

As a matter of fact 30th Nov has been given as a deadline to get this whole money send to us via western union in failure to get this remitted 1st Dec this transaction will be terminated so you can continue your unfaithful business transaction with your RANDY001.

Thanks and await your urgent response.

Next, probably to try to provoke me into action, he sends me this e.mail, with his message in the Subject line and the ‘Dolla Choppa’, Randy001s earlier, mocking e.mail to him in the Body:

Quote:

THE HARKER HAS TOKEN YOUR MONEY AND CD PLAYER

Quote:

‘kelvin nau u can si wey i wrk wit. dis na bi ur las warnin .keep away for di pastor. i get ur address for ekpoma. una wan di e.f.c.c ?u wan fo die ?

final warnin. bomba clat.’

So, the Priest relents and sends some money...

Quote:

Dear Alex,

At last! Here is a scan of the Western Union payment form.

I had to use the scanner at my neighbour's house, as mine is not working properly again. It is quite a large image file and took a few minutes to scan.

Please let me know when you have collected the £300 GBP.

Yours in God,

The Monsignor

Well...almost...

Quote:

Mr.Monsignor,

In regards to the scan attach MTCN,we want you to know that we could not see the scan clearly so with that we could not be able to get the MTCN payment information correctly so we therefore advise that you FILL THE BELOW INFORMATION that could help us confirm the 300GBP this morning OK.

RECEIVER NAME........
ADDRESS........
STATE..........
COUNTRY.........
TEXT QUESTION........
TEXT ANSWER...........
MTCN.........
AMOUNT......

SENDER NAME..........
COUNTRY...........
STATE..........
ADDRESS...........
TEXT QUESTION........
TEXT ANSWER...........
MTCN......

AWAIT YOUR FAST RESPOND.
Mr.Alex

Within an hour, this...

Quote:

WHAT IS GOING ON??

ALL WORKS HAVE SEEN THAT YOU ARE NOT SERIOUS AND READY TO HAVE YOUR LOAN TRANSFER.

TOMORROW IS THE FINAL DEADLINE FOR THIS WHOLE TRANSACTION

GET BACK WITH THE REQUIRED INFORMATION ASAP

I let him stew for 2 days and reply:

Quote:

WHAT IS THE PROBLEM HERE?

Look, the payment was made, the receipt scanned and e.mailed to you. What is the problem?

Secondly, I told you a month or 2 ago, to STOP ringing me at stupid times in the morning! Over the past few weeks, you have reverted to doing this again. This morning, you rang me at 0618 hrs local! Do you realise what reception you would have got from me, if I picked up the call?

FOR THE LAST TIME, DO NOT EVER RING ME BEFORE 1000 hrs LOCAL TIME AGAIN! AND THAT IS MY LOCAL TIME, NOT YOURS.

Now get your act together, get the mtcn and collect the money.

Can you believe his barefaced cheek?

Quote:

THE PURPOSE OF RING IS TO CONFIRM IF YOU ARE ALIVE OR DEAD BECAUSE WE REPLY SEVERALL BUT NO RESPOND

Mr.Monsignor,

The company is not a respectable of any body if you are IN OR OUT so if you cannot get back to us with the FILL information required o,then forget about your 8,000GBP loan transfer .

What is actually wrong with you.

Trying to help you with the needed loan and takes us for a granted or foll??

Get back to us with the required information of the payment you send Money 300GBP or forget and look for elsewhere,Because scan attach not clear for verification and view.

The company has tried enough for you.
Mr.Alex

...and that evening, almost in desperation...

Quote:

Mr.Monsignor

WHY DON'T YOU EMAIL ME THE PAYMENT INFO

Meanwhile, back in Parakou and courtesy of Ke1vin’s chopped consignment of cash, Mr Mbayo tips another tin of cold beer down his throat and sends him this:

Quote:

guyman now i hav nu pistol an cell. i hav now wrk wid salmai
i sen yr moni 2 mi famili in congo. dey tank u for it guiy .so fuk u
blody monki basta!!!!! how u lik be poor man???

fukin nigerain basta like u

But what’s this? A potential saviour......

Quote:

For Personal attention: Mr. A. Kelvin

Dear Mr. Kelvin,

Allow me to introduce myself. I am Oscar Shyster and I am Head of Security at AllStar HQ, here in Texas, USA. You may have seen my name in Mr. Robins' below e.mail of about a month ago.

I am contacting you in the strictest confidence. As I type this, only I and our CEO know that I am in touch with you. At this point, we are unsure who is ‘on the right side of the fence’.

I am charged to investigate the events concerning your consignment numbers XXX64194XXXX and XXX64194XXXX. As I understand it, both contained sums of cash, and both have gone missing, presumed stolen.

As you know, one of our Mail Managers, a Mr. Salami, was suspended pending an investigation. Through an oversight, he was hired again on a temporary contract to stand in for Mr. Attar, who left the Kano Mail Hub at very short notice, to replace a colleague elsewhere who had sadly died. Mr. Salami has since gone absent without leave, believed with your consignment, and I have the police in his country (Benin) looking for him.

I have access to the official mailboxes (both email and cell phone) of all AllStar staffs globally. My brief investigations so far lead me to suspect that a few current and past AllStar staffs are involved in a conspiracy with a third party based in Nigeria.

If confirmed, these would be very serious charges, and on conviction of any US nationals here in USA, custodial sentences would be likely. I am therefore being meticulous in my dealings in this matter.

What I will need to do in due course, is speak with you privately on the phone. Unfortunately, we are now approaching a Public Holiday weekend here in USA (Thanksgiving) and I will not be able to ring you until sometime next week.

In the meanwhile, I would be most grateful if you would reply to this email with anything that you feel might help my investigation. Any facts that you may know, or suspicious incidents, behavior, or conversations.

I assure you that I have no personal friends here at AllStar and I show no-one any fear or favor. I am completely independent and report directly to the company CEO. Ultimately, please do keep my email confidential for now.

One thing I can assure you of is that you will be reunited with your monies, although I cannot say how soon, until my investigations are completed. The way these 2 consignments have been handled reminds me of a very bad slapstick comedy. I have never heard of anything like it. What angers me most is that the reputation of this fine company has been run through the mud. Our CEO will not have that.

I look forward to your response, which I assure you will be treated in the strictest confidence.

Yours etc,

Oscar Shyster
Head of Security
AllStar Worldwide Shipping

Alex forwards Oscar Mbayo’s e.mail...

Quote:

From: Alex Kelvin
Subject: Fw: TELL UR FAMILY TO GO TO HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
To: allstar security
Date: Saturday, November 26, 2011, 9:50 AM
THEY ALL HAVE STOLEN MY CONSIGNMENT......READY AND UNDERSTAND (SLANT AND PIGGIN ENGLISH)

Quote:

--- On Fri, 11/25/11, Mbayo wrote:
guyman now i hav nu pistol an cell. i hav now wrk wid salmai
i sen yr moni 2 mi famili in congo. dey tank u for it guiy .so fuk u
blody monki basta!!!!! how u lik be poor man???

fukin nigerain basta like u

Quote:

From Oscar Shyster
Mr. Kelvin,

I don't understand a word of this. If you want me to help you, you will need to put a bit more effort in and afford me the courtesy of a full reply to my email.

Yours etc,

Oscar

Typically for an indolent scumbag like Kelvin, he wants others to do all of his work and just replies with this insult...

Quote:

Mr.Oscar

WHAT IS GOING ON WITH MY CONSIGNMENT??
Await your fast respond.
Mr.Alex Kelvin

Quote:

Dear Mr. Kelvin,

Thank you for your mail. I am working on this matter. I can tell you that Mr. Salami appears to have disappeared. Brian Stalin visited his home address a few days ago and Salami's wife told Brian that she had not seen him for weeks.

I need to speak with you and will telephone you at an early opportunity. Please confirm the best number to reach you on.

I also have a claims form to send you, but I will speak with you first.

Best,

Oscar

Quote:

Dear Mr.Oscar,

Thanks for your most interesting mail in regards to the content here is my number ok. +234-8059421XXX.

I will be awaiting your call today.
God bless.
Mr.Alex Kelvin

Quote:

Dear Mr. Kelvin,

I will indeed call you, as soon as I have made a few more inquiries. I believe that I am now close to uncovering exactly what has taken place and precisely who is involved in this web.

In terms of your availability, which are the best times and days of the week to speak with you in confidence without background noise and interruption? Also, a place with a good cell phone signal at your end will be essential.

Best,

Oscar

Typically for a lazy, no-good scamming b*st*rd, Kelvin ignores Oscar’s questions and replies with this hopeless, useless, self-serving e.mail:

Quote:

Sir,
Am awaiting to hear from you soonest so we can talk perfectly well all that happens about my missing parcel ok.

Await to hear from you.

Well folks, this is what you’ve been waiting for! The cool and unruffled Texan, Oscar Shyster, Head of Security at AllScam, rings Kelvin. It’s a long call: all 40+ minutes of it. Imagine a narration of his 3 Safaris. Here it is! A storybook, read by the main character.

He contradicts some of his earlier statements. He now claims that he was not robbed in Djougou. He also seems to state that he borrowed the money to get home from Benin from a Nigerian, rather than the ‘Good Samaritha’.

I heartily thank ASkinner for making the call. I have wanted to work with him since I joined here. I knew that AS would be perfect for Oscar’s role. He was.

Lack of money and paste, Mbayo, Salami, Mr Orji, Ed Robins...all of your favourites are described in the graphic detail and with the emotion only available to the man himself. You are in for some laughs.

Sit back. Relax. Enjoy! Laughing

http://www.4shared.com/mp3/8D0Ou7kL/ShystertoKe1vin19Jan12_edit_.html

Posted: Sat Dec 03, 2011 1:38 am

He's still on the hook!

Posted: Sat Dec 03, 2011 4:35 am

my god that is funny. TM congrats on your golden hat...by the way, why did you change your pic...this one is kinda scary

Not quite a Newb Joined: 07 Jul 2010 Posts: 79

I love this bait!
I can't help but thinking about the future... when you're through with this lad, he should give up scamming forever, and put some doubt and fear into his friends. Very Happy

Posted: Sat Dec 03, 2011 11:52 am

Thanks for the pm TM and great update. Listening to the call right now.

But you were wrong. I did see it before i went to bed. It was however to late for me to read it. Very Happy

Posted: Sat Dec 03, 2011 3:09 pm

It was my pleasure to participate in this great bait.

Quote:

I heartily thank ASkinner for making the call. I have wanted to work with him since I joined here. I knew that AS would be perfect for Oscar’s role. He was.

Posted: Sat Dec 03, 2011 6:36 pm

Great job, Monsignor!! Cool

My sweetie, Bella Goth, upgraded my membership back to gold so she could read this bait! (I wanted gold again more than she did)

Posted: Sun Dec 04, 2011 12:46 am

^^^ Thanks all, for your most appreciated comments.

By request, here is a 3-min highlight from Shyster's call to Kelvin. The side-splitting effect of this 'Mbayo moment' was a combination of the build-up to it during the call and Kelvin's pronunciation and seriousness.

Fortunately for me, my mic was mute, otherwise I would have blown it. Poor A Skinner had to try to suffer in silence!

It fades in at the start and out at the end. Enjoy! Laughing

ShystertoKe1vinFri2Dec11(3minhighlight).mp3

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