HELL SAFARI – Edo State, Nigeria - Ghana, Benin & Kano

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Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 6:15 pm

For me, one of the most enjoyable effects of a Safari is walking my dog through the countryside in the autumn sunshine, knowing that meanwhile, some heartless criminal is suffering, stranded, penniless, and hungry in a strange country.

I picked up ‘Randy T’ in Surplus last Xmas and have been baiting him ever since. He is quite shrewd and has tried various ploys to test me out, ie, changing his email address and persona, and sending me baiting emails from different email addresses, formats, and names. He rings me almost every weekday, and makes numerous calls.

So far, he has had his dolla chopped twice (audio)...
RandyT(ST)16Jul11.WAV

...and been on a (since confirmed) 2-day AllStar Safari to Ghana, where the £350 GBP he was chasing after was collected by an imposter. He also pushes heavily and repeatedly for me to send him money by Western Union to fund his Safaris, which he says are all my fault.

I have opened gmail addresses for AllStar offices in Ghana and now Benin, and managed to get him to email me a scan of his Nigeria Driver’s Licence, which may or may not be genuine, and bears the name of Alex Kelvin.

As I type this, he is on another AllStar Safari, right now stredded in Cotonou with just 500 CFA Francs (approx .66 GB pence/.76 Euro cents/$1.05 USD) to his name. I had ‘sent’ him £1000 GBP for my loan via AllStar, but as before, AllStar security intercepted it and advised him that cash has to be collected in person, this time from its Benin Mail Hub. What I didn’t tell him was that the AllStar office is in Parakou. He assumed it was just over the border in Cotonou and only on arrival today got the bad news.

Here are some of today’s emails:

(‘Pierre Salami is my character, the AllStar Benin Depot Manager. ‘Ed Robins’ belongs to AllStar Support).

Quote:

Hi mr. kelvin,

This is a quick mail before i go home for the night. if all has gone as plan, you should be here when you pick up this. i am looking forward to meet with you in morning (friday). please note that on fridays i start and finish slightly later than other days, ie, 1300 hrs start and 2100 hrs finish.

please email me when you arrive here andi will come and pick you. I need full name of internet cafe and street name. don't forget i will require the track number. i will also bring a copy of you i.d photo for safety reasons.

Heartily,

Pierre Salami
Depot Manager
AllStar Benin Mail Hub

Quote:

* 41.85.167.133 Office des Poste et Telecommunications aka Benin T BENIN

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Date: Fri, 14 Oct 2011 02:26:16 -0700 (PDT)
From: Alex Ke1vin <[email protected]>
Subject: AM IN COTONOU NOW
To: AllSt@r Benin <allstarxxxxxx>
In-Reply-To: <CAJ2uBogVkSixXNt6Haet3Cp3LYHL_j++hhSD6oaVJak0VgoAiQ@mail.gmail.com>
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--983643977-1919577889-1318584376=:71209
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Hello

I just arrived Bénin,COTONOU so here is my location right now

VON ;PHARMACIE SAINT MARTIN
QUARTIE SURU.LENE
CYBER;NEW NET(SANDIA)
à COTE DU PADIME

Am awaiting your urgent response.
Regard
Alex Kelvin

Quote:

Dear mr. kelvin,

There seems to have been a misunderstanding here, we are in PARAKOU,not cotonou. I would have thought you would have known this. Anyway, i have spoken with mr. robins and allstar will pay your taxi to parakou. Just stop a bush taxi on the street (we call them zemi-john) and ask to go to Parakou airport. It will cost only about 6000 CFA Franc. Alternatively, you can get a bush taxi to Parakou at Gare Guinkomé (on Rue des Dako Donou).

Once you are at this airport, go to the information desk (on left as you enter airport main entrance) and ask the guy at reception (today it is Abdul) to page me. I will be over in about 10 mins. I will pay your driver and also bring your £1000 GBP and the 84,000.00 XOF (CFA Franc) expenses from your accra trip.

If you want to pass the night here, you can stay free of charge in the duty drivers night shelter, which has bunks and a shower. We can supply a towel and soap. There is a 24-hr staff canteen in the airport and I will get you a temporary pass to use it.
Well, sorry for the mix-up. Get your self up here this afternoon. I am here til 2100 hrs, but can stay later if you wants me to.

Heartily,

Pierre Salami
Depot Manager
AllStar Benin Mail Hub

Quote:

Hello

I was about to get to PARAKOU,so right now am in etoile rouge because the Box Driver told me that the transportation to PARAKOU is 5,000 and am left with nothing so i cannot afford the transport fees now even to the extend i look for a chartered car to drop me at the airport but all could not avail,with that i decided to email you to inform you about that.

Please i requires that if your agent can come here at etoile rouge to pick me up because right now am confuse because nothing is left for me to eat and i dont have anywhere to stay.

This was the main reason i requires your full information to get to your office.before i left Nigeria and i have spend all the money for transport because i thought that once i receieve my package that i can transport myslf back to Nigeria but now am in middle of nowhere

Await your urgent response
Alex Kelvin

Quote:

i want you to know that am not happy with all this because as i speak now am shout of words and i dont know where and whom to meet here in becuse am only having 500CFA left with me now because as i was about entering the Box to Parakou they said is 5000CFA which i dont hve now so am in the street even to the extend i look for a personal chareter Taxi to get to the airport but i could not see any.

Thes was all what i tried to avoid so i need your help if any of your agent can come to my aid now at A.D SERVICE etoile rouge.

Please sir,i really needs your help now.

Master Baiter Joined: 03 May 2011 Posts: 237

"Listen! Listen! You are beginning to get me upset!" Laughing

Could he be lying, or do you genuinely think he hasn't got a pot to piss in (so to speak)?

Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 6:35 pm

Quote:

but now am in middle of nowhere

Please sir,i really needs your help now.

I love it

Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 6:37 pm

^^^ I actually believe him. He blew so much on his abortive Accra trip, that I reckon he just scraped together enough to get to Cotonou. The AllStar modality is so convincing to Lads that he was sure as sure that he was getting payday on arrival at Cotonou. All he has actually got is a sore throat...

Quote:

shout of words

...due to the terrible pollution in Cotonou:

Quote:

'Benin’s commercial capital is an unlovable example of urban Africa, and spending a day here is like being locked in a car with a chain-smoking speed freak. The zemi-johns (scooter taxis) swarm down the boulevards like kamikaze pilots, filling the air with fumes that only clear at night.'

Master Baiter Joined: 03 May 2011 Posts: 237

I'd love to hear him talk on the phone, now that he's stranded in Cotonou. I bet he'd be a lot less rude and a lot more receptive and not to mention desperate and worried. Ask him to call you, if he has any credit, or if not then for him to use what money he has to call you. Say you'll be able to trace him by satellite when the call connects or something, and you need his exact coordinates before one of your people can come and collect him. Need to make sure he's actually there, after all. Twisted Evil

Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 6:51 pm

Sadly, I couldn't do that. He knows my voice very well. I'd need a Benin number and a convincing voice on the end of it.

Since he has 2 personas, one that speaks to me ('Randy T') and his real name (Alex Kelvin, who Randy says is the loan company secretary), to speak with me as Alex Kelvin would give the game away that the 2 'company employees' are in fact the same person.

Master Baiter Joined: 03 May 2011 Posts: 237

Ah, shame. Was thinking maybe a voicemail but don't know how you'd get out of calling him back, so I don't know if you could get to hear the voice of desperation. Anyway, it's your bait - it would just be a laugh to hear him now that he realises he might be well and truly buggered.

Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 7:24 pm

Nice work!!

Thumbs up

Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 8:10 pm

Good working there The Monsignor, there is nothing like a angry lad on safari. Keep up the good work. Thumbs up

Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 8:42 pm

Quote:

right now am confuse because nothing is left for me to eat and i dont have anywhere to stay.

Quote:

before i left Nigeria and i have spend all the money for transport because i thought that once i receieve my package that i can transport myslf back to Nigeria but now am in middle of nowhere

Quote:

so am in the street

This is what's called LAD PAIN!!

Excellent work The Monsignor Thumbs up

Trophy Videos · Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 8:52 pm

Quote:

so am in the street

Sweet! I just love it! Great job, Monsignor. Very Happy

Has he had a bath, yet? Laughing

Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 9:12 pm

^^^ Cheers, all. This makes the hard work worthwhile.

I'm just hoping he has been on the back of one of these ^^^ enduring the hell that is the 6-hour journey to Parakou. I would give a week's earnings to be at that airport when he turned up.

Baiting Guru Joined: 10 Oct 2003 Posts: 4747

Great job.

Lucky is the mugu on a Safari ! Heard Benin is a wonderful place to visit.

"Penniless"? no he has dreams and your friendship to nourish him.

On the street? Great that’s where the action is, another lucky break. Who needs a stuffy hotel room?

Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 9:42 pm

^^^ Yes, I thought that.........until I read this in Lonely Planet:

Quote:

Cotonou is a dangerous city where muggings at knife-point are not uncommon

Plausible in both appearance and manner, con men have all sorts of stories to lure tourists to a secluded area where a gang of accomplices is waiting.

Muggers have also been known to pose as zemi-john drivers.

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 27 Dec 2010 Posts: 586

AWESOME!!!!! Nice work!

Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 11:38 pm

Slap him for parakousis (disobedience or failure to listen, in Greek). Smile

Great job stranding him!

Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 11:39 pm

Great work monsignor!!

I am sure that the kindly Pierre would send a zemi-john to pick the poor lad up (fully paid of course).

Posted: Sat Oct 15, 2011 12:19 am

Ah, I love the whining of a streded lad. Very Happy

Great job, Monsignor.

Posted: Sat Oct 15, 2011 12:57 am

^^^ Thanks all. Well, let's see what tomorrow brings. I am hoping that when I leisurely login to webmail around 1200 hrs, he will be telling me that he got to the airport after a horrific 8 hour ride on a 6 horsepower zemi-john, was thrown out by security (beaten would be better, arrested delightful) and slept rough in a gutter, being eaten raw by mosquitoes. Now filthy, sick, and starving, he just needs Mr Salami to come along in the AllStar van and rescue him.

Wonder what to tell him then?............

Posted: Sat Oct 15, 2011 12:12 pm

Folks, just when you thought that it couldn't get any better.....

Last night, I left him this:

Quote:

Dear mr. kelvin,

well, itis now after 2200 hrs and i have to leave for my home now. i waited long for you to arrive here but not to avail.
i have locked your cash in safe. if you read this e.mail in morning, let me know where you are and i will come and pick you in van. i start work at 1200 hrs Saturdays.

heartily,

Pierre Salami
Depot Manager
AllStar Benin Mai1 Hub

Received from him at 0856 hrs local:

Quote:

Goodmorning Mr.Pierre?

I want you to know that i arrived late yesterday night at 2;30AM so with that the Taxi Driver could not driver to the airport as regarding the transport fees,i use my mobile phone as a collateral which he agreed to be paid back once i get to COTONOU today.

Meanwhile i went inside the airport to ask of your company but the security said that they could not recognise that,so right now i will be standing at the entrace gate of PARAKOU AIRPORT and my color of dressing is a caton T shirt,black shoe and a pence trouser so i requires your urgent attention due to i will be leaving earlier today because of the long journey.

Thanks and await your urgent response.
Alex Kelvin

Then at 0920 hrs:

Quote:

Mr.Pierre Salami

I WILL BE WAITING TO FOR YOU AT THE ENTRACE GATE OF THE AIRPORT HERE AT PARAKOU THIS MORNING OK

Then at 1219 hrs:

Quote:

Sir,please once it is 1200 pick me up at the airport entrace gate today am in the nearest store

I replied at 1301 hrs:

Quote:

Dear mr. kelvin,

i am just back from driving around the entire airport perimeter fence twice. i could not find you anywhere.

the thing to do is to come directly to the back of the airport and scale the perimeter fence. we are directly alongside the back of the runway in a low hut with EXPEDITEURS painted on the side.

here, the shower is hot and i have some coffee on the stove. see you soon.

Heartily,

Pierre Salami
Depot Manager
AllStar Benin Mail Hub

Posted: Sat Oct 15, 2011 2:13 pm

Just in:

Quote:

Sir

Am on my way ok,so awaiting me

Well, according to my research, Parakou airport has a grass runway and is used only by light aircraft. It should be quiet today, but hopefully he will soon have the teeth of a German Shepherd Dog in his rag-clad backside.

Baiting Guru Joined: 27 Mar 2011 Posts: 21158

I hope someone has a camera!

Master Baiter Joined: 03 May 2011 Posts: 237

This can't end well...for the lad, anyway. Twisted Evil

Posted: Sat Oct 15, 2011 2:35 pm

Haha love it! Great job TM!

Posted: Sat Oct 15, 2011 4:41 pm

^^^ Cheers!

In at 1547 hrs local:

Quote:

sir,

I want you to know and understand that i went all over the airport looking for you but all could not avail so all what i requires from you now is to help me because you quite new well that this is the main reason am here ok.

so am still standing at the main extrance of the airport at parakou where they sold fuel and repairs motor cycle.

I will be very grateful if my request is been granted

Thanks
Alex Kelvin

My reply an hour later:

Quote:

Dear mr.alex,

Your mails are well noted,. I cannot understand how i havemissed you if you are where you state. I have now been round 3 time in vehicle and not seen you. It must be coincidece that when i drive around you are sending email.

Well, do not feel depress as we will meets very soon. I have now to sort some cargo of mail that landed yesterday and once done i will walk around on foot to find you.

the canteen is serving evening meal at 1900 hrs. i have ask auntie the cook to save meal for you on hot plate. Today is lamb tagine. I hope you are not vegetarian religion. We also have some cold beer in fridge in driver shelter. I bets you will want shower and rest.

Hope to meet you after i finish the unload, maybe around 1830 hrs i will set off on foot.

I mean to ask you questions - did you get here in taxi car? or was it on taxi motorcycle? How long was journey?

Heartily,

Pierre
Depot Manager
AllStar Benin Mail Hub

I bet he can almost smell that lamb and taste the beer Beer

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