The Tales of I.P. Knightly #1 - Twisted Zulu Minister

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Posted: Wed Sep 15, 2004 12:52 pm

After a gentle prod from a friend I have decided to publish this first part of an on-going bait. Grab a cuppa and sit back, hope you enjoy. It goes on a bit, but it's worth it I assure you!

TWISTED ZULU MINISTER

The Cast (in order of appearance)
The Evil Zulu Minister .................... Susan Shubangu
The Dizzy Nun ............................... Sister I.P. Knightly
The Administrator ......................... Father Willie Powkit
The Savvy Sister ........................... Sister Ivanna B'Onnatoppe

Supporting Cast (good guys)
The Investigator General .............. Mr. Bjorn Toorun
The Church Field Investigator ....... Mr. Neil B. Formi
The Homicide Police ....................... Lieutenant Al Biback
The Western Union Cashier .......... Ura Klutz

Supporting Cast (bad guys)
Chief Director Intelligence (UK) ..... Superintendant Allan Smith
Deputy (UK) Customs Inspector .... Inspector James Peters

Narrator
Eatyo Urgreens

The curtain is raised on this little epic on Friday 20th August, when Sister Isobel receives a rather tempting morsel in her inbox. The opening mail goes on a bit so this is just the highlights.

The Evil Zulu Minister wrote:

From: Susan Shabangu
Subject: CAN YOU BE TRUSTED WITH THIS
Date: 20 Aug 2004

CAN YOU BE TRUSTED WITH THIS

FROM: MRS. SUSAN SHABANGU.

GREETINGS TO YOU, WITH WARM HEART I OFFER MY FRIENDSHIP, [...]

[... Diamond trade, dead husband, Security Company, Safety Deposit (Trunk), $18.5 Million USD, yadda yadda yadda we get 15% ...]

DEPUTY MINISTER OF MINERALS AND ENERGY

SOUTH AFRICA

Our good Sister is most suprised, and wants to know more.

The Dizzy Nun wrote:

To: Susan Shabangu
Subject: Re: CAN YOU BE TRUSTED WITH THIS
Date: 20 Aug 2004

Dear Susan

Your proposal sounds interesting. Please, do tell me more. What would you have me do to help you?

Isobel Paula Knightly

It takes a solid three days for Susan to return with her anwer.

The Evil Zulu Minister wrote:

From: Susan Bango
Subject: I AM WAITING YOUR REPLY
Date: 23 Aug 2004

My dearest Isobel,

Thanks so much for your mail and be rest assured of my willingness to do this transaction with you as long as you guarantee me 100% sincerity.

However all that will be required of you is just you International Passport or any form of identification. Secondly is your mailing address and Tel/Fax numbers so that my lawyer can now draw a deed between us thus making this transaction between us legal.

I will appreciate if this could be made available as soon as possible.

Thanks,

Susan.

So, she wants some ID (ha!) and phone numbers. Isobel notices that Susan appears to have changed her name. She wonders what that is all about.

The Dizzy Nun wrote:

To: Susan Bango
Subject: Re: I AM WAITING YOUR REPLY
Date: 23 Aug 2004

Darling Susan

I appreciate your timely response.

The instructions in your mail are plain enough, and I do understand them, however I do have a small question to ask before we continue.

Your original letter was signed as SUSAN SHABANGU yet the email I received today shows your name to be SUSAN BANGO.

I do appreciate, Deputy Minister, that we are in very different countries, but I would really like to clear this matter up. After all, how are we to trust each other if I am to know you by 2 different names?

I'll tell you what Susan. To show my willingness here is my fax number (757)299-2670

Please, let us start our relationship in a goodly fashion.

I ache for your reply.

Bless You My Child,

Isobel Paula Knightly

Susan is quick on the hoof with the excuse for the name change.

The Evil Zulu Minister wrote:

From: Susan Bango
Subject: Re: I AM WAITING YOUR REPLY
Date: 24 Aug 2004

My Dear , (note that Isobel is now just a 'dear' Rolling Eyes

)

Thank you so much for your question. The bango you saw was an abbreviation of Shabangu in our local dielet Zulu so please do not take it that it was a wrong name instead it is the sam but abbreviated.

However I appreciate the information that you have given me and indeed I await for your passport as my lawyer has finished the Legal doc's all he is waiting for now is just your passport that will be attached on it before he will send it by DHL to the Security company soo that you are now 100% authorized to collect this consignment.

Thanks,

Susan.

Sorry, it still looks like 2 completely different names to me! Oh well, Isobel decides that she understands (dizzy nun).

The Dizzy Nun wrote:

To: Susan Bango
Subject: Re: I AM WAITING YOUR REPLY
Date: 24 Aug 2004

Dear Susan,

How could I doubt you so? I just knew that the name thing had something to do with cultural differences, and here you are telling me so. Thank you for clearing that one up. Maybe I should take a lesson in the language of the Zulu so we may converse in your native tongue? (fat chance)

Now, let's move on. Passport. There's a little problem there, as I don't actually have one of those. We women of the Church Of The Flaming Yarsol don't get those very often. So, what could I use instead, I don't drive a car (God forbid!).

Prey tell me what I should do next? How do I prove who I am? This is something I've never had to do before, now I'm quite concerned. I do wish to help you so much Susan.

I look forward hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Isobel Paula Knightly

Poor Isobel, no car and no passport, for shame!
Tell me Isobel, what songs do you sing in the "Church of the Flaming Yarsol"? Do they involve small glass containers of brown liquid by any chance?
I wonder how Susan will react?

The Evil Zulu Minister wrote:

From: Susan Bango
Subject: Re: IMY REGARDS TO YOU
Date: 25 Aug 2004

DEAR ISOBEL (Goodie she remembered)

THANK YOU FOR THAT FRANK REPLY.

I WAS JUST THINKING OF WHAT NEXT THAT CAN BE USED BECAUSE THE LAWYER WANTS A PROOF OF IDENTIFICATION TO AFFIX TO THE DEEDS HE HAS ALREADY PREPARED IN YOUR NAME.

WELL I ASKED HIM AND HE AGREED THAT A SCANNED PHOTOGRAPH COULD DO, SO PLEASE SEND ME YOUR PICTURE IMMEDIATELY SO I WILL FORWARD SAME TO HIM.

I QUITE APPRECIATE YOUR CONCERN AND SINCERE WISH TO ASSIST ME IN THIS TRANSACTION AND I WANT TO ASSURE YOU OF MY SINCERITY AND COMMITTEMENT TO IT AS LONG AS I HAVE YOUR UNALLOYED HONESTY.

I WILL APPRECIATE YOUR URGENT REPLY TO THIS MAIL SO WE CAN MOVE ON.

PLEASE ISOBEL HOW OLD ARE YOU AND DO YOU HAVE KIDS. ONCE AGAIN THANK YOU AND DO PLEASE ACCEPT MY KIND REGARDS

SUSAN

Proof of Isobel's identity is a scanned photo! Right, ok dumb-ass. What's this... asking Isobel's age and whether she has kids... Mmmm... getting chatty huh?

The Dizzy Nun wrote:

To: Susan Bango
Subject: Re: IMY REGARDS TO YOU
Date: 25 August 2004

Darling Susan,

You are a very smart and intelligent woman, if you were here beside me right now I would give you a big hug. Thank you for your understanding.

I have had a little problem finding a suitable photograph to send to you, but I think I have one that will do the job.

I hope I have attached it correctly, please let me know.

The picture is of me when I was playing my guitar for children at our local school. I do like to play my guitar for the children, it seems to calm them listening to the words of Our Lord in such troubled times we live in.

Now what's this you ask me? My age, oh well... I celebrated my 50th birthday on January 1st this 2004th year of Our Lord, Jesus Christ. Alas, my darling Susan, prior to joining the Church of the Flaming Yarsol, the good Lord Almighty did not bless me with a child by my now deceased husband.

Sweet Susan, I wonder if it is possible to view your face? I do so hate conversing without seeing. I would dearly love to see your face whilst I talk with you, I have such a nice feeling about you Susan, your words give me a warm glow.

Anyway, I really should be going now. Me and the Sisters are off to Florida in the morning, and we go to help our other Sisters in the aftermath of the Hurricane there. The children need us !

We will be returning in time for evening prayers on Sunday Susan, so I will be looking forward to catching up with you then.

Until then my princess,

God Bless,

Isobel Paula Knightly

<< Attachment >>

I have no idea where Isobel is going with the 'big hug', 'see her face' and 'warm glow'; Maybe we shouldn't ask.
The picture is of a suitably aged female dragged from the bowels of the internet somewhere in Russia.

The Evil Zulu Minister wrote:

From: Susan Bango
Subject: Re: YOU JUSTIFIED MY TRUST IN YOU
Date: 26 Aug 2004

DEAR ISOBEL,

THANK YOU FOR GETTING ME THE INFORMATION I REQUESTED.YOU ACTUALLY JUSTIFIED MY TRUST IN YOU AND DO HOPE THAT OUR RELATIONSHIP CONTINUES EVEN AFTER THIS TRANSACTION.

WELL I HAVE FORWARDED TO THE LAWYER SALL YOUR INFORMATION,AND HE REQUESTED YOU SHOULD COMFIRM WHETHER YOU WILL WANT THE CONSIGNMENT DELIVERED TO YOU OR YOU WILL GO TO HOLLAND AND COLLECT THE CONSIGNMENT FROM THE HOLDING COMPANY.

EITHER WAY THE ATTORNEY WILL DELIVER TO YOUR CHOICE.

PLEASE BE REST ASSURED OF MY LOVE AND BEST WISHES FOR YOU.

ONCE AGAIN THANK YOU AND AS YOU GO TO CALIFORNIA,MAY GOD GRANT YOU JOURNEY MERCY.

HAVE YOURSELF A PLEASANT WEEKEND.

SUSAN

Ok, what is all this crap. Didn't Isobel say she had no passport; Didn't Isobel just send a scanned picture as 'proof of ID'? Pay attention Susan!
[ sigh ] Susan dear, I believe that Florida was where Isobel was going, not California! Slap coming!

Isobel does send her slap, but unfortunately the mail bounced.
This could be the end of a beautiful friendship... but wait! Isobel remembers that Susan sent her original email from a different account! Bonzer!
Isobel, now frantic, sends a mail to the other account and prays.

The Dizzy Nun wrote:

To: Susan Bango
Subject: Is everything ok?
Date: 30 Aug 2004

Susan.

I have tried to contact you at your [email protected] address but it appears not to be working.

Please contact me.

Sincerely,
Isobel Paula Knightly

Praise be! We are saved, and Isobel is very pleased.

The Evil Zulu Minister wrote:

From: Susan Shubangu
Subject: SORRY I HAD VIRUS ATTACK
Date: 31 Aug 2004

MY DEAR ISOBEL,

SORRY I HAVE NOT WRITTEN YOU SINCE. MY COMPUTER CRASHED AND I LOST ALL THE INFORMATION IN MY BOX.I WAS TRYING TO REMEMBER YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS PROPERLY UNTIL I TRIED MY VIRGILIO MAIL AND SAW YOUR MAIL.THANKS A MILLION FOR SAVING THE SITUATION. (could that be RELIEF I'm hearing?)

UNFORTUNATELY, YOU HAVE TO SEND ME AGAIN YOUR RESIDENTAIL ADDRESS, YOUR FAX LINE AND THAT SCANNED PICTURE OF YOURS. IT WAS WHEN I TRIED TO FORWARD THE INFORMATION TO THE LAWYER THAT I NOTICED THAT MY SYSTEM HAD A SERIOUS VIRUS ATTACK.

AGAIN I ASJED YOU IN MY LAST MAIL WHETHER YOU WILL LIKE TO GO TO HOLLAND OR HAVE THE CONSIGNMENT DELIVERED TO YOU AT HOME.

PLEASE COMFIRM THIS TO ME ALSO.

I DO HOPE YOU HAD A NICE TIME AT CALIFORNIA.

HOPING TO HEAR FROM YOU IMMEDIATELY.

MY VERY KIND REGARDS

THANKS AND WELCOME BACK FROM CALIFORNIA.

SUSAN SHUBANGU(DEP. MINISTER OF SOUTH AFRICA)

PLEASE ALL YOUR MAILS SHOULD COME TO THIS ADDRESS NOW.

A virus attack eh? Yeah right I know the one [Admin.Yahoo.Kill].
Oh look, says Isobel... another name change -- glee!

The Dizzy Nun wrote:

To: Susan Shubangu
Subject: Re: SORRY I HAD VIRUS ATTACK
Date: 1 Sep 2004

Dearest Susan,

My heart was filled with joy when I saw your email today, I am so glad that you are okay. When I received the notification from your other yahoo account, I became quite concerned for your safety. You must forgive me, my imagination runs wild sometimes. I see so many horrible things when our church goes out on field trips that it is difficult to put those images to one side.

However, you are here now, that is what is important. I asked Sister Ivanna what you meant by a virus attack on your computer, and she explained it to me. I must say that I find it quite horrifying that there are people in this world that write these virus things just to cause people inconvenience and frustration. They will not enter into the kingdom of the Lord when their time comes, that is for sure.

Sister Ivanna is a wonderful person, and being so young (she's only 25) she has much knowledge about computers, and the many technologies of the modern world. We are so lucky to have her here. Father Willie (he's our administrator) says that he simply adores having her. Sister Magdalene (made a boo-boo here, this should have been Ivanna) was quite curious who I was conversing with, but I simply said it was another Sister from a church in Detroit.

Look at me, I'm rambling. Let's get back down to business. You have asked for my residential address in a way that implies that I had already sent it to you. This in fact is not the case, and this is the first time you have mentioned it. Here it is:-

Sister (Mrs) I. P. Knightly, c/o Mission Building 4a, "The Church of the Flaming Yarsol", Wellin D'owed Broads, Williamsburg, Virginia 291858, USA. Once again, the fax number (757)299-xxxx, and I have attached my photo once more, as you have requested.

Please do note Susan, that I have sent these details in very good faith, and I want you to read every single word of what I have said in this email. I feel it is vitally important that we understand each other, and after reading the email I sent to you (the one that I sent to your dead yahoo account), I am once again going to say what I had intended to say previously.

Susan, first I would like to know how many names you are known by. You have already explained to me the difference between your last name 'Shabangu' and the name I knew you in 'Bango'. Is this new name (Shubangu) you are using also another example of Zulu dialect? Or abbreviation? Please Susan, I wish to know you by ONE name my dear NOT by three. You are starting to confuse me, and when I get confused I get angry, and when I get angry the Lord punishes me. I do not wish to be punished by the Lord on this day Susan.

In your email of 26 August, you asked me whether I would travel to Holland to collect my consignment, or whether I would have it delivered. I see you have asked this question again in your most recent email also. Susan, do pay attention dear. The whole point of sending my picture to you in the first place was because (as I explained), I do not own a passport. I'm a woman of the church Susan, not a jet-setter! How in Gods Holy name could I go to Holland without a passport?

What else... oh yes, I remember. Susan, I went to Florida that weekend to help the poor children after the hurricane. I did not (as you have said) go to California. The last time I looked at the map Susan, California was no where near Florida. If you are unable to get these small pieces of information correct, or even bother to read the words written in my emails, how in Gods Holy name am I supposed to trust that yourself and your lawyer will not screw up our little arrangement.

I am doing this for the Church Susan, for the many hundreds of men, women and children that will benefit directly from my percentage of this money. I am not doing this because I am greedy or selfish, no; I do this because the good Lord Almighty saw it fit to bring us together, and I will not rest until my Lords will is done.

I am quite disgusted with you Susan, you will have to work very hard from this point forward to gain my trust. Our *arrangement* will not go forward until I am completely satisfied with an explanation of your actions thus far. I may have to take steps to ensure that I am (in fact) talking to a trustworthy Deputy Minister.

Isobel

Talk about sweet and sour, and Isobel isn't even Chinese.
This little slapping session (now that she manages to get it out), should prove an interesting challenge for the intellect of our scum bag Susan.

Isobel has also taken the time to introduce 2 more 'colleagues' into the conversation... Sister Ivanna, a 25 year old who is a bit clued up on techie stuff and Father Willie. We shall be hearing more from these two later.

By the way Isobel... didn't you forget to attach a little picture of yourself? You ARE a naughty nun !

This arrived just after hitting the send button in the email above.

The Evil Zulu Minister wrote:

From: Susan Shubangu
Subject: URGENT
Date: 1 Sep 2004

Dear Isobel,

I just want to comfirm whether you did get my mail of yesterday.

Please get back to me with the informations immediately.

Thanks and regards

susan

Is our little Susan getting worried?
Isobel decides to reply and send her picture again.

The Dizzy Nun wrote:

To: Susan Shubangu
Subject: Re: URGENT
Date: 1 Sep 2004

I sent an email earlier Susan dear.

In my haste I think I forgot to include my picture, so here it is again.

Isobel.

<< Attachment >>

Far too benevolent.

Susan soon writes back and tries to explain herself.

The Evil Zulu Minister wrote:

From: Susan Shubangu
Subject: YOU HAVE NO CAUSE TO BE AFRAID
Date: 1 Sep 2004

DEAR ISOBEL,

I AM SORRY FOR ALL THE DISTRACTION IN MY RECENT MAILS ESPECIALLY THE MISPLACEMENT OF IMFORMATIONS.

ONE I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND THAT I VALUE YOU SO MUCH AND WITH EVERY BREATH IN ME THAT I WILL NOT WANT TO DO ANYTHING TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS (except rob me blind you cow!).AS SUCH PLEASE BE REST ASSURRED THAT I AM A WOMAN OF GREAT PRINCIPLES AND HONOUR.(well thank the lord we cleared that up.)

AS REGARDS THE NAME ISSUE,PLEASE MY OFFICIAL NAME IS SUSAN SHABANGU,AND LIKE I EXPLAINED LATELY BANGO IS MY ZULU NAME.NOW SHUBANGU CAME WHEN I LOST MY EMAIL ADDRESSTO VIRUS ATTACK AND WHEN I TRIED TO CREAT ANOTHER MAIL FOR OUR TRANSACTION I DISCOVER THAT SOME ONE HAS TAKEN SHABANGU SO I SIMPLY COMBINED SHUBANG AND MY SONS BIRTHDAY MONTH AND YEAR TO GET THIS CURRENT EMAIL:[email protected].

WHEN I FINSHED CREATING THIS MAIL, I LOOKED AT IT AND DEAR ISOBEL IT LOOKED UNIQUE AND WONDEFUL. SO PLEASE I HOPE BY NOW YOU WILL NO LONGER BE CONFUSED AS TO MY NAME.

AGAIN REGARDING THE TRAVELLNG ISSUE, I TAKE IT TO MEAN THAT YOU WANT THE CONSIGNMENT DELIVERED TO YOUR ADDRESS AND THAT WILL BE DONE ACCORDINGLY.

AS FOR THR CALIFORNIA INSTEAD OF FLORIDA, PLEASE DEAR I TENDER MY SINCERE APOLOGY.THE ONLY EXPLANATION TO THAT WAS THAT I WAS WATCHING A MOVIE BY ARNOLD SCHARZNNEGGAR (so funny!) WHO IS NOW THE GOVERNOR OF CALIFORNIA AND IT CARRIED MY MIND WHEN I GOT TO THAT POINT.ONCE AGAIN PLEASE ACCEPT MY APOLOGY.

NOW TO THIS BUSINESS I HAVE FORWADED YOUR DETAILS TO THE ATTORNEY AND I WISH TO INFORM YOU THAT AS LONG AS I HAVE YOUR TRUST,YOU WILL HAVE CAUSE TO GLORIFY GOD VERY SOON.

I HAVE PUT MY HONOUR DOWN TO EXPLAIN ALL THESE TO YOU AND DO WISH YOU WILL UNDERSTAND ME AND TRUST ME AS WELL.

I ALSO WANT TO REMIND YOU THAT MY OFFICAIAL STATUS AS A DEPUTY MINISTER FORBIDS ME BEEN IN POSSESSION OF THIS HUGE SUM AND THIS IS MY REASON FOR ALWAYS ASKING FOR YOUR TRUST IN THIS TRANSACTION.

WELL ISOBEL I BELIEVE IN YOU AND I DO HOPE WE HAVE A WONDERUL BUSINESS AND PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP AS DAYS GO BY.

SAY ME WONDERFULLY WELL TO YOUR FRIEND.

MY KIND REGARDS

SUSAN SHABANGU

It looks like Susan has indeed read all of Isobel's last email, and actually been able to translate most of it pretty good. She's certainly got the gist of Isobel's meaning.
Good job Isobel, this Susan is starting to earn her crust.
Can anybody hear a screw being tightened?

Isobel is quite taken in by the excuses and explanations, and suddenly gets quite emotional.

The Dizzy Nun wrote:

To: Susan Shubangu
Subject: Re: YOU HAVE NO CAUSE TO BE AFRAID
Date: 2 Sep 2004

Susan,

Thank you for your email. You say that you are sorry, and that you are a woman of great principles and honour. These words comfort me Susan, and I must take them as truth or I would be failing in the eyes of my Lord and my faith.

Let me tell you a little about the people that this money will help Susan. In Norfolk (a few miles from here) there is an area of the city where few people wish to go. It is a ghetto within the city Susan. (please, no flames for calling Norfolk inner city a ghetto, ok. It's just words on a page people.) I know that these words alone will bring visions to your own eyes. I know that in your cities, you also have ghettos, where the poor, the sick, the unemployed, the crippled, the old, the weak and the forgotten end up.

They go to the ghetto out of desperation. Their dreams of a better life torn and tattered, their self esteem stripped from them by a brutal uncaring society. And the children come too. Those poor wretched little people, crying for food, begging for just a few cents, with no mother or father to care for them, they wander helpless through the streets. Some turn to crime, others are forced into drugs and prostitution. Most are beaten, battered, raped and left to rot. Most of these children die very young.

These are the people I wish so desperately to help, these are the people I have devoted the last 20 years of my life to. Your generosity will help some of them in a big way, with much needed medical treatment, food and clothing. Even something as simple as a bed Susan, will bring a smile so large to the faces of these poor forgotten souls, that it would melt you heart.

And my heart melted many years ago Susan. These wretched, unwashed, stinking people are my life, and I love every single one of them. Sometimes, they come here, to our Church to pray, or simply to sit in the church a while; Some come here to die in the arms of someone that will shed a tear for their passing, and to ensure that they will always be remembered; But to be remembered as a human being, not some statistic on a government report.

Occasionally our church organisation go out on field trips around the USA to help the emergency services, the Red Cross etc. We are called upon quite often, to help people displaced by floods, hurricanes, tornadoes, the occasional earthquake, and in recent years by terrorist activities.

This is who I am Susan, you see all of what I am here on this page. This is my life, and these people are my life. I will stop at nothing to help them, no matter what it takes. Should anyone come between me and my goal, they will never be in a position to do it again.

I fear I have spoken for quite long enough, and I feel at peace once again. I will go now and leave you with your own thoughts, and I must go to the chapel and pray. Please let me know what the next step of our operation will entail. I do hope your lawyer acts quickly.

Tell me about the place you live Susan, tell me something about the place you live, the people. Tell me also about your children, how are they? I would love to see a picture of you with your children Susan. Maybe they could say "Hi Isobel" in the picture, that would make me very very happy. It is a pity I cannot telephone you, I feel that I could talk to you for hours. Do you have any pictures of your city? What about pets, do you own any pets, dog, cat?

Until next time.

Faithfully,

Isobel

Whoa! Excuse me for a minute I think I have something in my eye.

Isobel has decided to ask for pictures, hopefully the scammer will see this as just passing interest in her family and comply, or just ignore the whole thing.

It's now the 7th September, and 5 days has passed with no word from Susan. At this point Isobel decides to get in touch but guess what? Yup, the email bounces back dammit.

Isobel attempts to contact Susan via the same method she tried last time. The mail did not bounce, but Susan seems to have ignored it and comes bumbling back from yet another email address.

The Evil Zulu Minister wrote:

From: Susan Shubangu
Subject: CONGRATULATIONS
Date: 7 Sep 2004

HI ISOBEL,

GOOD MORNING TO YOU.

I HOPE BY NOW THE SECURITY COMPANY AND THE ATTORNEY MUST HAVE COMMUNICATED YOU THE DETAILS OF THE TRANSACTION AND HOW TO CLAIM THE CONSIGNMENT. (huh?)

WELL I GOT ANOTHER VIRUS ATTACK AND DECIDED TO ACQUIRE A MORE SECURED EMAIL ADDRESS HENCE MY WRITING YOU WITH THIS EMIAL.(thanks yahoo admin)

PLEASE FOR NOW SEND ALL YOUREPLIES FOR ME TO THIS MAIL BOX.

WELL IN YOUR LAST MAIL YOU ASK THAT I TELL YOU ABOUT THE PLACE I LIVE. AS YOU KNOW AS A SENIOR GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL I LIVE IN A WELL LAID ENVIRONMENT BUT DOWN TOWN THERE ARE GHETTOS AND SLUMS HERE AND THERE.WE EQUALLY HAVE SUFFERING PEOPLE AND MY NGO WHICH I AM THE CHAIRPERSON IS TRYING TO HELP AS MUCH PEOPLE LIVING IN THE SLUM AS WE CAN. ALSO I AM HOPING TO PUT REASONABLE SUM OF THIS FUNDS WE ARE WORKING ON NOW INTO SUCH CHARITY AT LEAST TO ASSIST THEM.

WELL LIKE I TOLD YOU I HAVE THREE CHILDRE AND I HOPE TO SEND YOU ONE DAY MY PICTURE AND THAT OF MY FAMILY.(nice dodge)

YOIU KNOW ONE HAS TO BE CAREFUL BECUASE OF TH E STATUS AND SECURITY OF ONES FAMILY.

WELL ISOBEL, SO LONG I WILL LIKE TO HEAR FROM YOU AND KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING.

BY THE TIME WE SEE FACE TO FACE I ASSURE YOU WE WILL HAVE A LOT TO DISCUSS AND BE HAPPY ABOUT.

I LOVE YOU ISOBEL AND DO HOPE THAT SHOWS YOU GREATER LOVE THAT ANY BODY CAN.

PLEASE ACCEPT MY WARMEST REGARDS

SUSAN

Well, Susan definately read Isobel's email from 5 days ago, and Isobel knows nothing of a security company.

Isobel gets this later the same day...

The Evil Zulu Minister wrote:

From: Susan Shubangu
Subject: EVERYTHING IS ON COURSE
Date: 7 Sep 2004

DEAR ISOBEL,

THE LAWYER HAS JUST INFORMED ME THAT DUE TO SOME TECHNICAL PROBLEMS, THE SECURITY COMPANY COULD NOT REACH YOU YESTERDAY .

HOWEVER HE GAVE ME HIS WORD THAT THEY WILL DEFINITELY REACH YOU IN THE NEXT 24 HOURS.

PLEASE LET ME KNOW IMMIDIATELY YOU HEAR FROM THEM.

SINCERELY YOURS

SUSAN

Technical issues eh? Pah!

The following day sees no email from this supposed Security Company so Isobel gets a little wound up.

The Dizzy Nun wrote:

To: Susan Shubangu
Subject: Re: EVERYTHING IS ON COURSE
Date: 8 Sep 2004

Susan,

I am still without contact from your lawyer.

Please kick him up the rear and ask him to contact me.

Susan, you did not make any comments about the mail I sent to you on the 2nd.(err...she did you dizzy Nun. Slap me somone.) I asked many questions and said many things, please Susan I know you are busy but I would like to talk with you on a social level.

Love

Isobel.

Susan drops back in with this a couple of days later.

The Evil Zulu Minister wrote:

From: Susan Shubangu
Subject: Re: HAVE YOU SEEN THE WEBSITE
Date: 10 Sep 2004

ISOBEL MY DEAR,

THE SECURITY COMPANY INFORMED ME THIS MORNING THAT THEY HAVE FORWARDED THE WEBSITE TO YOU FOR YOU TO CERTIFY THAT YOUR DETAILS WERE ENTERED CORRECTLY AND FOR YOU TO SEE THINGS FOR YOURSELF.

PLEASE COMFIRM IF YOU HAVE RECIEVED THAT AND WHETHER YOU HAVE ANY COMMENTS TO MAKE.

THE DEED OF TRUSTEE WILL BE SENT TO YOU IMMEDIATELY YOU COMFIRM RECIEPT OF THIS WEBSITE.

THIS WILL IMMEDIATELY BE FOLLOWED BY THE MOVEMENT OF THE CONSIGNMENT TO YOU.

I AWAIT YOUR IMMEDIATE REACTION.

SUSAN

Isobel is busy checking behind her ears, now arm pits, inside her bra (please), Oh hello where are you putting that finger... Isobel says there ain't no website here, trust me when I say she's just poked all her holes and had a good rummage, nada, squat, diddly, nothing!

What on earth is Susan playing at? This is starting to get silly.

Isobel decides to hang-fire and wait a couple of days to see whether the Security Company email turns up. But no joy, so Isobel get's all stressed out again.

The Dizzy Nun wrote:

To: Susan Shubangu
Subject: Re: HAVE YOU SEEN THE WEBSITE
Date: 12 Sep 2004

Dear Susan,

Sorry for not writing to you sooner, but our church has been away in Florida again helping the Red Cross.

I still have had no word from your security company, and to be honest with you I'm getting quite fed up with all this bad communication.

You still haven't had the polite curtosey to fully respond to my mail from the 2nd. (with luck Susan will just think Isobel is being forgetfull)

This has gone on long enough, I cannot take any more of this. I don't believe that your intentions are good ones Susan, in fact I suspect that you are simply trying to waste my time.

Go away and leave me alone, and come back when you wish to do business with me in a proper manner. If your lawyer cannot get the security company to send me a simple email, then I doubt very much that we can do business at all.

If am hugely disappointed with this, and I have a severe head ache just thinking about it. I need to pray to the Lord for guidance on this matter, so I'm signing off.

Isobel

After this slap session, Susan comes back in but just doesn't seem to give a damn.

The Evil Zulu Minister wrote:

From: Susan Shubangu
Subject: Re: HAVE YOU SEEN THE WEBSITE
Date: 12 Sep 2004

MY DEAREST SISTER,

PLEASE I AM VERY SHOCKED WITH YOUR LETTER BUT I ACCEPT WHAT EVER YOU SAY IN AS MUCH AS I LIVE AND TRUSTED MY GOD THROUGH HIS SON JESUS CHRIST.(what, that's it? Cow!)

WELL SINCE YOU WERE NOT CONTACTED AS YOU CLAIM , KINDLY LOGIN: //www.webnow.com/Ddpsd AND TELL ME WHAT IT IS FOR.

SUSAN

Isobel is now pretty fed up and tries to look at that website. Unfortunately it does not appear to exist. SLAPTASTIC!

The Dizzy Nun wrote:

To: Susan Shubangu
Subject: Re: HAVE YOU SEEN THE WEBSITE
Date: 12 Sep 2004

Susan,

You are shocked are you? Quite frankly I'm not surprised you are shocked because you just don't appear to have a clue what you are doing.

Do you hear me! You are clueless. You send me to a website [ www.webnow.com/Ddpsd ] which gives me a message saying the page does not exist.

You have wasted my time once again, and once again I find myself crying at my frustration. I wanted to help you Susan, I was desperate to help you, I needed to help you. I wanted to think that it was the good Lord himself that placed us in contact. I wanted to think that the Lord wished me to take the money you were offering for the benefit of so many others.

Now, I do not believe the Lord had any good intention. It has been a test, I see it now. My Lord has tested me, and I have failed him. I have tried to take money from a stranger, and that stranger has tested my patience to the very last straw.

I hope and prey that my Lord will forgive me for being a foolish old Nun. Enough of this now Susan, my Lord calls me to his bosom. I must go to him and beg forgiveness at his feet.

Pray to God Susan, prey that Saint Peter will let me into the Kingdom of Heaven, because that is where I am going.

Goodbye Deputy Minister.

Isobel.

I do believe that Sister Isobel has gone flipped her lid!

This arrived later that day.

The Evil Zulu Minister wrote:

From: Susan Shubangu
Subject: SORRY IT WAS TYPOGRAPHIC ERROR FROM ME BUT NOW HAVE YOU SEEN THE WEBSITE: http://www.webnow.com/dpsd
Date: 12 Sep 2004

SORRY IT WAS TYPOGRAPHIC ERROR FROM ME BUT NOW HAVE YOU SEEN THE WEBSITE: http://www.webnow.com/dpsd
&
http://www.webnow.com/platinumsecurityholland

THANKS,

SUSAN

Great subject line Susan. Unfortunately Isobel does not get to see this email, nor the next one that arrives later.

The Evil Zulu Minister wrote:

From: Susan Shubangu
Subject: Re: HAVE YOU SEEN THE WEBSITE
Date: 12 Sep 2004

DEAR ISOBEL,
I BELIEVE BY NOW YOU HAVE SEEN THE WEBSITE OF BOTH THE SECURITY COMPANY ANDCOURIER COMPANY(that's a hell of an assumption!) FROM WHERE YOU
FUND WILL COME TO YOU.
BY MONDAY, THEY WILL FORWARD YOU THE CERTIFICATE OF CLAIMS IN YOUR NAME AND THE DEED OF TRUSTEE.</P>
PLEASE DONT BE TAKING ABACK BY THE TYPOGRAPHIC ERROR IN THE EARLIER MAIL.
I WANT YOU TO BELIEVE THE FACT THAT I AM DOING THIS TRANSACTION FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME AND BECAUSE THIS
FUND BELONGS TO MY LATE HUSBAND AND BY EXTENSION MYSELF AND MY FAMILY.
MISTAKES ARE BOUND TO OCCURE HERE AND THERE BUT BE REST ASSURED THAT AT THE END OF EVERY TUNNEL THERE IS
ALWAYS LIGHT.
ONCE AGAIN ACCEPT MY SINCERE APOLOGIES.
SUSAN

Is Susan actually getting frustrated with Isobel? I do hope not. Twisted Evil

To cap it all Susan finally twigs that Isobel moved email accounts and sends this.

The Evil Zulu Minister wrote:

From: Susan Shubangu
Subject: HI
Date: 12 Sep 2004

DEAR

I DISCOVERED YOU HAVE CHANGED YOUR EMAIL LATELY.

PLEASE COMFIRM IF YOUR HAIRDRESSER.NET IS STILL WORKING AND WHETHER MAILS FOR YOU CAN STILL BE SENT THERE, HAVE YOURSELF A WONDERFUL NIGHT REST.

SUSAN

Seems Susan is getting a bit jittery at this move, so better speed things up. Oh, and Isobel does not get to read this either.

<< URGENT NEWSFLASH >>

(Image is 459(w) x 981(h))

OMG Shocked

Whilst the entire church begins to comprehend this startling event, Father Willie Powkit has been doing some investigation.

The Administrator wrote:

To: Susan Shubangu
Subject: Sister Isobel Paula Knightly
Date: 13 Sep 2004

Attn:
Deputy Minister of Minerals and Energy (SA)
Mrs. Susan Shubangu

From:
Church Administrator
The Church of the Flaming Yarsol (Williamsburg VA)
Father Willie Powkit

Deputy Minister,

My apologies for writing to you directly, under normal circumstances I would write to your government in order to make contact with you. However, events that have taken place recently force me to use somewhat alternative methods.

Please find attached a scan of the early edition of our local newspaper, The Williamsburg Herald.

<< Please read the attachment before reading any further >>

Sister Isobel is quite ill, and we all pray for her speedy recovery, and we hope that she has not suffered any permanent brain damage. This is quite a trying time for of us here at the church, as I am sure you can appreciate.

Many of my duties here require that I administer the computer system, financial records and the like, as well as day-to-day running of our small church. Fortunately, I have the passwords of all email accounts held by my Brothers and Sisters.

As a God fearing man, I would never stoop so low as to interfere with private communications between 2 parties, but I felt that the desperate act by Sister Isobel warranted my fullest investigation as to why she may have wished to end her life.

Mrs. Shubangu, I have read much of the correspondence that your good self and Sister Isobel have had, and I am quite dismayed by what I read. I have no idea why Sister Isobel did not come to me for assistance, but I should have been notified of this.

Looking through the last few communications between you, can see that Sister Isobel has been getting quite frustrated and confused. I believe that it is these communications which have caused her to attempt suicide. She is a very sensitive woman, and I fear that this has pushed her over the edge.

Now then Deputy Minister, I feel I should tell you that I'm not at all happy with all that I have read, and to be honest I did not want to write to you. But, I love my Sisters and we work very hard in Gods name and we try to help as many people as we can. Sister Isobel is a highly respected member of our faith, and she is always willing to lend a hand to anyone that asks, and even to those that don't ask.

To that end Deputy Minister, I am willing to continue Sister Isobel's work with you, if you are willing. But I warn you, I do not take any nonsense.

Sister Ivanna B'Onnatoppe is my assistant, and I have already explained this situation to her, and she is also willing to carry on with Isobel's work in her absence.

This email address should be used to communicate with either myself, or Sister Ivanna. Please be clear that Sister Ivanna will be the first person to read your email, and if she is able to deal with you, then she has my blessing. She will of course always confirm with me any action that she takes in my name.

I require you to read and fully understand everything I have said here Deputy Minister, and please confirm that you wish to carry on. We are keen to see Sister Isobel's work completed, and we thank you for your kind donation.

Naturally, this arrangement will be kept between yourself and the Church, your confidentiality will be secured from your government.

Please write to me and let me know your decision, and I would be pleased to pass on any kind words you have for Sister Isobel.

Before I go, I note in some email that Sister Isobel did not yet read that you asked about her other email account. It was in fact me that has stopped her using the account at hairdresser . net, and moved her into the more secure GMail account. All mail should now be directed here.

It is now 6am here, and having been up all night I wish to get some sleep. I bid you good morning.

Your Brother In God

Father Willie Powkit
Administrator
Church of the Flaming Yarsol

<< Attachment >>

Later that day, Susan seems not willing to carry on.

The Evil Zulu Minister wrote:

From: Susan Shubangu
Subject: I WISH TO SIGN OFF
Date: 13 Sep 2004

DEAR,(dear what? rattled your cage a bit eh?)

I FELT QUITE SORRY THAT MY ATTEMPT TO HELP ISOBEL TO ACHIEVE HER DESIRE AND ALSO ASSIST ME IN HANDLING SOME TRANSACTION THAT INVOLVE FFUND HAS RESULTED TO A NEAR FATAL ATTEMPT ON HER PART.

AS SUCH I AM NOW HEAVILY COMPELLED TO STOP ALL DEALINGS WITH HER OR ANYONE HOLDING BRIEF FOR HER.

I AM A WOMAN OF VIRTUE AND I HAVE TRIED SEVERALLY TO EXPLAIN THIS TO HER BUT SHE KEPT ON TELLING ME SHE COULD NOT UNDERTAND ME .I CONTRACTED PEOPLE TO DO THIS TRANSACTION ON BEHALF OF MY FAMILY IN ORDER TO SAVE MY JOB AND THE NAME OF MY FAMILY DUE TO MY POSITION IN THE GOVERNMENT.

HOWEVER AND LIKE I SAID BEFORE I MAY HAVE NO OTHER ALTERNATIVE NOW THAN TO CALL THE ATTENTION OF ALL PARTIES INVOLVE AND ASK THEM TO LOOK ELSE WHERE FOR A TRUSTHWORTHY PERSON AS THE SECURITY OF THIS TRANSACTION UNDER ISOBEL COULD NO LONGER BE GUARANTEED.

PLEASE I AM SORRY ONCE MORE FOR WHATEVER EMBARRASMENT THIS MAIL MAY CAUSE YOU OR YOUR MEMBERS

THANKS AND GOD BLESS YOU

SUSAN

The narrator does not buy this garbage, and thinks that it is simply a ploy to see whether our church is sufficiently greedy. Now we don't want to dissapoint do we?

Next up is Father Willie's assistant, who on reading the email, responds quite quickly.

The Savvy Sister wrote:

To: Susan Shubangu
Subject: Re: I WISH TO SIGN OFF
Date: 13 Sep 2004

Attn:
Deputy Minister of Minerals and Energy (SA)
Mrs. Susan Shubangu

From:
Church Administrator (Assistant)
The Church of the Flaming Yarsol (Williamsburg VA)
Sister Ivanna B'Onnatoppe

Dear Deputy Minister,

Many thanks for replying to Father Powkit's earlier e-mail. Father is still resting after such a gruelling night, but I feel confident that I can speak for him on this matter.

We completely and fully understand your plight Deputy Minister, and now that I have also been fully appraised of the situation I can say with all my heart that our prayers are with you.

Father Willie and myself are both in agreement that the work which was started by dear Sister Isobel should be allowed to continue. We do understand how upsetting this must be for you Deputy Minister, as the light that Isobel was shining in your direction must seem to have faded to nothing more than a dying ember.

As Father Willie stated in his previous e-mail, we are more than willing to continue along the road that Sister Isobel and your good self have carved. We would be very honoured if you would stay on the path, Deputy Minister.

Naturally, the decision to cease this operation remains firmly in your hands Deputy Minister, and it would be a terrible loss to yourself and your family if we were to fail. Likewise, your kind donation for our assistance in this matter would certainly go far to help a great many of the poor and hungry people who come to us for guidance.

Please get back to us with your decision as soon as you have considered your options; But I do urge you to consider carrying on, I'm quite sure we can get back on track in no time at all.

Sister Ivanna B'Onnatoppe
pp Father Willie Powkit

p.s. I thought that you would like to know that the doctors believe that Sister Isobel may pull through. Apparently they have scanned her brain, and found no evidence of damage. Her vital signs continue to improve as the day continues. We are all praying very hard for her Deputy Minister. I will endeavour to keep you appraised of her condition. Please, do say a prayer for her Deputy Minister, I'm quite sure it will help.

Nicely put Ivanna.

The narrator wishes to point out that the ps's will form a sub-plot in our story so do read them.

A day goes by with no word from Susan. I wonder if she's simply run away. Time for another prod from Father Willie.

The Administrator wrote:

To: Susan Shubangu
Subject: Re: I WISH TO SIGN OFF
Date: 14 Sep 2004

Attn:
Deputy Minister of Minerals and Energy (SA)
Mrs. Susan Shubangu

From:
Church Administrator
The Church of the Flaming Yarsol (Williamsburg VA)
Father Willie Powkit

Dear Deputy Minister,

Having just finished early morning prayers I thought I would take the opportunity to write to once again.

I have seen what Sister Ivanna has said and I do concur 100%

It would be a shame for the work that has already been done to simply be wasted. You have asked Sister Isobel for help, and she agreed to help. We are duty bound to follow her example and assist you in any way possible.

Let us continue this endeavour Deputy Minister. The decision, of course remains firmly in your hands, but we are here should you need us.

Please let us know your decision as soon as you can.

Your Brother In God

Father Willie Powkit

ps Sister Isobel still has not regained consciousness, but her vital signs continue to improve. Our prayers continue. We have been swamped with many flowers, cards and good wishes for Sister Isobel from all over the country and abroad. The response has been overwhelming and our little church overflows with the love we feel for her.

Susan get's back in the game.

The Evil Zulu Minister wrote:

From: Susan Shubangu
Subject: Re: I WISH TO SIGN OFF
Date: 14 Sep 2004

DEAR FATHER,

I WAS COMPPELLED TO CONSIDER POLLING OUT BECAUSE I WILL NOT WANT TO FEEL IN A MEASURE RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY FATAL END.

ANYWAY SINCE YOU HAVE ENCOURAGED ME BY PROMISING TO CARRY ON WITH THIS TRANSACTION, I WILL GET BACK TO THE OTHER PARTIES CONCERNED AND ASK THEM TO SUSPEND ACTION AS TO LOOKING FOR ANOTHER PERSON.

MEANWHILE YOU ARE TO SUPPLY ME THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION WITHOUT DELAY>YOUR TELEPHONE/FAX LINE,YOURMAILING ADDRESS AND ANY VALID IDENTIFICATION OF THE PERSON ON WHOSE NAME THE CONSIGNMENT WILL BE CONSIGNEED.

ALSO COMFIRM WHETHER YOU WILL TRAVEL TO HOLLAND TO COLLECT THE CONSIGNMENT OR YOU WILL WANT IT DELIVERED TO YOU.

THIS IS VERY URGENT AND I WANT IT TREATED AS SUCH

MEANWHILE I WISH ABOVE ALL THINGS THAT SISTER ISOBEL RECOVERS IN GOOD TIME.
(good girl, you had a huge slap & burn waiting from a slap-meister if you hadn't said anything about Isobel)

SUSAN

The combined efforts of Father Willie and Sister Ivanna have now hooked Susan proper. Ivanna reads Susan's response, and reply's.

The Savvy Sister wrote:

To: Susan Shubangu
Subject: Re: I WISH TO SIGN OFF
Date: 14 Sep 2004

Attn:
Deputy Minister of Minerals and Energy (SA)
Mrs. Susan Shubangu

From:
Church Administrator (Assistant)
The Church of the Flaming Yarsol (Williamsburg VA)
Sister Ivanna B'Onnatoppe

Dear Deputy Minister,

Thank you so much for your email, I am delighted that you have chosen to continue down the path that Sister Isobel has laid before you. I spoke to Father Willie before he readied himself for evening mass and showed him your message. He was quite overcome with joy at your decision Deputy Minister, and I do believe I saw a tear in his eye.(bless)

He has instructed me to read some of the final emails that passed between yourself and Sister Isobel, I must say that I found Sister Isobel's confusion to be quite quite shocking. I am now completely aware of what has transpired, and I have also taken the liberty to read the rest of your communications quite thoroughly.

Father Willie wanted to know if it was necessary to change any details of the the consignment, which Sister Isobel had already provided. All the information is quite correct, and once the consignment arrives I am quite sure that we can manage any formalities of identification at this end.

Should your associates be unable to accommodate us on this point, then we will have Father Willies ID Card scanned in and sent to you immediately.

Father Willie has also instructed me to look at the two websites that you tried to get poor Sister Isobel to view before her... accident.

I can confirm Deputy Minister, that both websites [ http://www.webnow.com/dpsd "Diplomatic Parcel Service & Delivery" ] and [ http://www.webnow.com/platinumsecurityholland "Platinum Security & Exchange" ] have been viewed by myself, though I'm not quite sure what to do with them. I'm sure you will let me now in due course.

It was apparent, from looking at Sister Isobel's communications, that there appeared to be a question of some missing communication, primarily from the security company. I take it they were instructed by your lawyer to forward certain details (the websites) to Sister Isobel? To put my own mind at ease I have searched high and low for any sign of these communications in Sister Isobel's inbox, but am not able to find anything.

I wonder if this was the cause of Sister Isobel's confusion? Never mind. Do tell us what you would like to do next to assist you Deputy Minister.

Sister Ivanna B'Onnatoppe
pp Father Willie Powkit

p.s. Great joy! Praise the good Lord himself! Sister Isobel has awoken from her sleep. Everyone here is so very relieved. Isobel cannot yet speak, nor is she able to write coherently, but the doctor has said that it is not unusual in these cases. Her neck was very badly damaged, and because her brain was starved of much oxygen, it appears to be a bit muddled. The doctor is encouraged by her progress. Sister Isobel is now off the danger list and has been moved from the Intensive Care Unit. I was at her bedside this afternoon, and passed on your kind words towards her health. It appears that I may not have been understood, so I will try again tomorrow. We are still praying for her Deputy Minister, she is not out of the woods yet.

Not more delaying tactics? Ivanna, you naughty girl ! Laughing

END OF PART ONE

The bait continues.
30+ messages, 25 days baiting.
I love my job Very Happy

Posted: Wed Sep 15, 2004 1:45 pm

Quote:

(err...she did you dizzy Nun. Slap me somone.)

Okay. You are a girl. And you're a girl with as much talent for disguise as a giraffe in dark glasses trying to get into a polar bears-only golf club.

Seriously, though, enjoying the saga thus far, lol at the names, and I am intrigued as to where you are going with the PS thing. Laughing

Posted: Fri Sep 17, 2004 7:35 am

Good Stuff, I've enjoyed reading so far Smile

Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2004 11:27 am

Hello once again. Many thanks to all the visitors, and of course to eight and Spiderella for your kind words.

Roll VT...

TWISTED ZULU MINISTER (Part Two)

The Cast (in order of appearance)
The Evil Zulu Minister .................... Susan Shubangu
The Dizzy Nun ............................... Sister I.P. Knightly
The Administrator ......................... Father Willie Powkit
The Savvy Sister ........................... Sister Ivanna B'Onnatoppe

Supporting Cast (good guys)
The Investigator General .............. Mr. Bjorn Toorun
The Church Field Investigator ....... Mr. Neil B. Formi
The Homicide Police ....................... Lieutenant Al Biback
The Western Union Cashier .......... Ura Klutz

Supporting Cast (bad guys)
Chief Director Intelligence (UK) ..... Superintendant Allan Smith
Deputy (UK) Customs Inspector .... Inspector James Peters

Narrator
Eatyo Urgreens

Welcome back everybody, and off we go with part two of our mini epic. To quickly recap, we left part one with poor Sister Isobel waking up from unconciousness in the hospital. Father Willie and Sister Ivanna have succeeded in getting Susan back on the horse for a bit more fun.

After reading Ivanna's last email, Susan appears pretty relieved.

The Evil Zulu Minister wrote:

From: Susan Shubangu
Subject: I WAS DELIGHTED
Date: 15 Sep 2004

DEAREST ONE, (oohhh friendly now huh?)

THANKS FOR YOUR QUICK REPLY.

PLEASE IN THE COURSE OF COMMUNICATING WITH WITH ISOBEL I HAD TWO OCCASSIONS OF VIRUS ATTACK TO MY SYSTEM AND LOST ALL THE INFORMATION SHE SENT TO ME AND THIS I COMMUNICATED TO HER BUT SHE SEEMS AT A LOSS AS TO WHAT VIRUS ATTACK TO A COMPUTER REALLY MEANS.

PLEASE I WILL NEED THOSE INFORMATIONS BACK TO COMPLETE THIS TRANSACTION.

THE TWO WEBSITES REPRESENTT THE COURRIER COMPANY THAT WILL BRING THE CONSIGNMENT TO YOU WHILE THE OTHER IS THE HOLDING COMPANY.

LET ME EMPHASIZE HERE THAT WE ARE REALLY RUNNING SHORT OF TIME FOR THIS TRANSACTION AND I DO HOPE THINGS WILL IMPROVE FOR THE BETTER.
(of course they will improve Twisted Evil

)

MEANWHILE I WAS QUITE DELIGHTED TO HEAR THAT ISOBEL HAS REGAINED CONSCIOUSNESS AND IS OUT OF THE DANGER LIST. I PRAY THAT THE GOOD LORD WILL COMPLETELY RESTORE HER.

I HOPE TO GET THE INFORMATIONS AS URGENTLY AS POSSIBLE.

SUSAN

Susan's excuses are accepted by Ivanna, but she does not like Susan poking a finger at her friend Sister Isobel. Ivanna wanted to slap her badly for that, but Susan's comments about Isobel's recovery reduce the urge to a minor smack.

Armed with the information that Susan has lost Isobel's information, she is hot to trot.

The Savvy Sister wrote:

To: Susan Shubangu
Subject: Re: I WAS DELIGHTED
Date: 15 Sep 2004

Attn:
Deputy Minister of Minerals and Energy (SA)
Mrs. Susan Shubangu

From:
Church Administrator (Assistant)
The Church of the Flaming Yarsol (Williamsburg VA)
Sister Ivanna B'Onnatoppe

Dear Deputy Minister,

Thank you for your reply, and I am glad that Sister Isobel's information will suffice. The photograph that she scanned in is attached, delivery details follow:-

Sister Isobel Paula Knightly, c/o Mission Building 4a, "The Church of the Flaming Yarsol", Wellin D'owed Broads, Williamsburg, Virginia 291858, USA.

Fax number: 1 (757) 299-xxxx.

You may wish to send me a fax Deputy Minister, to ensure the line is working correctly. With the recent hurricanes, some disruption to the telephony service has become apparent. (she hasn't, as yet even bothered to try)

Now, on to other things. I see by your last email that you mentioned that you have had two virus attacks recently. I do hope that you now have appropriate virus protection.

I had wondered what Sister Isobel needed to know what a 'Computer Virus' was, and now I see why. However, I do think you just a little unfair in your judgement of her non-understanding. I did make it quite clear when she asked, and she did say in her email of the 1st September; She found it (quote) "quite horrifying that there are people in this world that write these virus things just to cause people inconvenience and frustration." (end quote). She understood quite perfectly Deputy Minister, please don't speak negatively of my close friend.

Having reviewed your email, I see you make mention of the two websites again. We await your instructions on what we are supposed to do with them.

Just one other thing before I sign off Deputy Minister. The consignment, this 'Safety Deposit' you spoke of, contains rather a large amount of money Deputy Minister. Will you be travelling with the consignment yourself to ensure it's safe arrival?

Also, in your very first email to Sister Isobel, you stated that (quote) "I WILL FORWARD YOUR CONTACT TO THE GENTLEMAN LAWYER WHO WILL BE REPRESENTING US, AND ALSO GIVE YOU HIS CONTACT FOR BOTH OF YOU TO COMMUNICATE AND PROCEED WITH THE TRANSACTION." (end quote). (let's see Susan dodge this one!)

According to the emails here, that clearly didn't happen. Why did you change your original plan Deputy Minister? I imagine there must have been a very serious reason.

Father Willie has just popped in after finishing afternoon mass to check on progress. He is very pleased with everything so far and hopes, as I do, that we will get to meet you when this is all over.

Sister Ivanna B'Onnatoppe
pp Father Willie Powkit

p.s. I visited Sister Isobel earlier this afternoon to see how she was coming along. Well, she's looking so much better now. Her color has returned and she is able to take solid food. Doctor says that the damage to her neck was not as severe as they first thought, but they will be keeping Isobel in a tight neck-collar to assist in her healing. She cannot yet speak, but she thankfully is beginning to understand us. I think she is still terribly muddled. I think I made myself understood today, when I passed on your kind words to her. Poor thing had a terrible fit just after that and started babbling and screaming. I had to leave quite quickly, I could not not bear to see her like that. I ran to the hospital chapel and I broke down and cried. I'm so terribly afraid for her, Deputy Minister. She is such a dear friend.

<< Attachment >>

Ivanna has quite obviously been reading all the previous emails and is getting a little bit on the nosey side. The news that Sister Isobel appears to be recovering should help to calm Susan a bit.

It does not take long for Susan to start rolling the ball again and sends 2 identical emails 30 minutes apart the following day. The first is marked 'VERY URGENT', this is the second. I wonder if Susan has had a hurry-up from her Oga?

The Evil Zulu Minister wrote:

From: Susan Shubangu
Subject: Re: I WAS DELIGHTED
Date: 16 Sep 2004

DEAR FATHER WILLIE POWKIT,

THANK YOU FOR THE MAIL AND THE INFORMATION YOU PROVIDED.

WELL LIKE I TOLD YOU THE LAWYER WAS ACTUALLY DOING HIS WORTK BUT I CHANGED MY MIND TO BE THE ONLY ONE TO BE MAKING CORRESPONDENCES TO YOU FOR SECURITY REASON AND FOR THE NATURE OF THIS TRANSACTION.

HOWEVER THE THE GENTLEMAN LAWYER DAVIES WAS ON PHONE WITH ME FOR TWO HOURS YESTERDAY ONLY TO TELL ME HS FRUSTRATION IN TRYING TO LOCATE ISOBEL.

ACCORDING TO HIM HE USED THE EARLIER INFORMATION WHICH ISOBEL PROVIDED AND WHIH I GAVE HIM BEFORE MY COMPUTER CRASHED TO PREPARE ALL THYE DOCUMENTS, BUT UNFORTUNATELY THE COURRIER COMPANY COULD NOT LOCATE ISOBEL ON TWO OCCASSIONS,MONDAY AND WEDNESDAY.

AS IT IS NOW THE CONSIGNMENT HAS BEEN STOPPED IN LONDON AND THE COURRIER COMPANY WAS FURIOUS THAT WE MAY HAVE GIVEN THEM A WRONG ADDRESS.TO GET THIS CONSIGNMENT TO THAT PLACE HAS COST ME $7,000.00 AND THEY ARE NOW DEMANDING FOR THE BALANCE OF $1,000.00 BEFORE FINAL RELEASE/DELIVERY TO YOUR DE SGNATED ADDRESS. PLEASE BE INFORMED THAT IF THIS IS NOT DONE BEFORE 24HOURS, I WILL BE COMPELLED TO LOOK FOR SOMEONE ELSE IN AS MUCH AS I HAVE PITY FOR ISOBEL AND DO HONESTLY WISH TO HELP HER.

HTHE CARGO AT THE CUSTOM DEPARTMENT IN CARE OF ALAN SMITH IN LONDON.

YOU ARE NOW TO CONTACT THE ALAN SMITH FOR FURTHER

CLARIFICATION ON THIS NUMBER +447709537662

THANK YOU AND BEST WISHES TO ISOBEL

SUSAN

At last Susan is able to play the money card; It has taken a long time to get here.

Sister Ivanna is unable to reply, but the no nonesense Father Willie storms right in.

The Administrator wrote:

To: Susan Shubangu
Subject: Re: WAS DELIGHTED
Date: 16 Sep 2004

Attn:
Deputy Minister of Minerals and Energy (SA)
Mrs. Susan Shubangu

From:
Church Administrator
The Church of the Flaming Yarsol (Williamsburg VA)
Father Willie Powkit

Dear Deputy Minister,

Thank you for your email. Sister Ivanna came to me earlier with a printout of your email that was marked as 'Very Urgent', and I see you have sent another. Please Deputy Minister, do try to remain calm. We are almost there now.

I decided to write to you myself this time Deputy Minister, as Sister Ivanna has been called away urgently. I have read her previous email to you, and concur with the content. She does tend to chatter a bit.

To be honest I'm a little shocked that the security company have halted the consignment in London, Deputy Minister. Why were they trying to locate Isobel? And why do they suspect that they have been given an incorrect address? I find this quite annoying.

What is this about needing $1,000 in less than 24 hours? That is quite absurd. I also take it that, by the obvious desperation in your words that you want the church to assist in this matter? It is quite impossible to get $1,000 together in such a short amount of time Deputy Minister, there is much paperwork to prepare and permissions to be gained before we would be allowed to make a withdrawal from Church funds.(planting seeds for future delays here)

We do have a small private fund in our own safe, but to be perfectly frank Deputy Minister it simply is not enough. We only have some $450 here in cash at moment.

You really must give this security firm a kick up the posterior, they are quite obviously a shoddy operation. Sister Ivanna stated in her previous email that she had looked for any emails from the security company in Sister Isobel's inbox, and she found none at all. I would suggest that the security company is lying through its back teeth to cover their incompetent business practices.

Please plead with them to stop this nonsense, or put them in touch with me. I'll give them a talking to they will not forget in a hurry.

Now, this chap in London you speak of; This Alan Smith fellow. We cannot telephone him Deputy Minister, certainly not quite yet. The lines are thoroughly disrupted due to these wretched hurricanes. The telephone company have said that it may be weeks before full service is restored, and even then it is unknown whether we will gain international capabilities from our area. It is quite distressing, as I am having to communicate with Vatican City via email; Quite annoying.

You tell that Smith fellow to contact me on this email address and I'll see what I can do to get some extra money together. This is terribly important to both of us Deputy Minister, we cannot fail now. Oh yes, I had a rather cunning thought. If the security company want to contact Sister Isobel, simply direct them here Deputy Minister. We could at least pretend to be the good Sister, if for no other purpose than putting their minds at rest. Do see to it.

Let us get back to this money again. I do have a little plan. I may be able to take a collection from our congregation for Sister Isobel. Lord forgive me this sounds positively underhanded. If I take a collection I may be able to raise enough cash in a good order of time. But there is just no way we can assist with getting this money to you inside 24 hours; Logistically it is quite impossible.

Plead and beg Deputy Minister, ask for an extension in time. We simply must have more time.

Please get back to me as soon as you can. I'm quite late for mass, so I must sign off abruptly. I will ask Sister Ivanna to contact you later about the money situation. I wonder where she is though, she was called to the hospital. I do hope everything is alright.

Your Brother In God

Father Willie Powkit

Father Willie is quite annoyed it is plain to see, but he also appears to have been taken in by Susan's blatant cry for financial help. The dear Father is also not as saintly as he would appear; Cheating the congregation Father? You bad man.

Willie is quite worried as to why Sister Ivanna has not returned from the hospital. What's going on there? Later the same day Susan returns with some good news about the finances required.

The Evil Zulu Minister wrote:

From: Susan Shubangu
Subject: Re: VERY URGENT POWKIT
Date: 16 Sep 2004

DEAR FATHER WILLIIE POWKIT,

I JUST GOT YOUR MAIL NOW AND DECIDED TO REPLY YOU IMMEDIATELY AS WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF PATIENCE. (are you really... oh goodie! Twisted Evil

)

WELL I HAVE HAD WHAT YOU SAID BUT UNFORTUNATELY WE MAY NOT WAIT MUCH LONGER.

MY GREATEST DESIRE IS TO HELP ISOBEL ACHIEVE HER DESIRE OF HELPING THE POOR AND LESS PREVILEGDED .ACCORDING TO HER ,HER HEART BLEEDS EACH TIME SHE LOOK AROUND AND SEE THOSE PEOPLE.

IN THIS RESPECT, I HAVE DECIDED TO GO OUT OF MY WAY TO SOURCE FOR $400 (god bless you) TO PAY TO MR ALAN SMITH WHILE YOU ARRANGE AND PAY WITHOUT FURTHER DELAY THE SUM OF $600 VIA WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER TO:

MR. ALAN SMITH,

32 LANCASHIER SQAURE, LONDON.

PLEASE PUT RELEASE AS THE TEST QUESTION

I HAVE PLEADED WITH SMITH TO EXERCISE LITTLE PATIENCE WHILE I GET ACROSS TO YOU.

PLEASE DO NOT ALLOW THIS OPPURTUNITY TO PASS BYE.I THINK AND BELIEVE I HAVE DONE MY HONEST BEST TO YOU AND YOUR CONGREGATION.

GOOD LUCK

PLEASE GET BACK TO ME IMMEDIATELY YOU WERE ABLE TO DO THIS

SUSAN

Susan has realized that she is not going to get $1,000 from the church without a fight, so she reduces the amount. This is good news indeed. Now that Father Willie has been given final instructions, Susan must be able to smell money!

Early the following morning, Sister Ivanna finnaly shows up and sends a rather desperate sounding email to Susan.

The Savvy Sister wrote:

To: Susan Shubangu

Subject: News about Isobel
Date: 17 Sep 2004

Dear Susan,

Please forgive this personal email to you, but I have not slept at all tonight, I simply cannot get to sleep. The time is now coming up on 6am, and I'm so very tired.

Father Willie has taken a collection for Isobel, as he said he would. He raised an extra $300 from the congregation so we have $750 here now. He will be sending the money to this man in London as soon as the doors open at the Western Union office.

I would have written sooner, but everything here is in such turmoil. And now that Father Willie has agreed to deceive our congregation and take this money from them, we will get into very serious trouble if it ever comes out. In all likelyhood, both Willie and myself would be sent to prison for what we have done.

Father mentioned to you that I was called away to the hospital yesterday. Sister Isobel was in a terrible state and had to be sedated for some time. She kept repeating the same words over and over... "don't waste my time Susan, don't waste my time".

I am in fear for her mental state Susan, I fear that she is going quite mad. I have been at Isobel's bedside for most of yesterday, arriving back here at around 11pm last night. The police were here waiting when I arrived.

They have concluded their investigation into Sister Isobel's attempted suicide, and they now suspect foul play. This is such devastating news, and so unexpected. They said something about the length of rope and the height of the chair that they found knocked over at the scene; And something about Sister Isobel not being tall enough to have been able to put the rope around her neck.

My good Lord Susan. Do you know what this means? Someone tried to kill Sister Isobel. The police say that their investigation is now one of attempted homicide. With that, our church lawyers have been notified. The heavens are going to open up here very soon Susan. I just hope that we get this money released quickly enough.

I'm quite sure that our lawyers will want to see all of the communications coming in and out of the church for the last few weeks. If they find these communications between us, everything will go pear shaped very quickly indeed.

Do you think I should remove all the emails Susan? I would not want to expose you in this. You have been so understanding and kind.

If these lawyers find out what we have been up to, we will all be in very grave danger. They will be arriving here at 10am. I do hope Father Willie can get the money to your man in London in time.

It's just after 6am now Susan. I must go and help prepare breakfast for my Sisters.

Have faith Susan, the money will be in London very soon.

Ivanna

So, it would appear that now Father Willie and Sister Ivanna are in this right up to the neck. What on earth is wrong with Isobel, why has she turned into a babbling wreck?

To cap it all we now have an attempted murderer in our midst, and both the police and church lawyers about to make life very difficult for everyone. The pressure is on, and time is running out FAST!

Susan is encouraged by what Ivanna has said and encourages her to cover up traces of their "arrangement".

The Evil Zulu Minister wrote:

From: Susan Shubangu
Subject: Re:CHEER UP
Date: 17 Sep 2004

DEAREST,

THANKS FOR ALL THE EXPLANATION.

I TOLD YOU AND EVERYONE INVOLVE IN THIS TRANSACTION THAT IT IS HIGHLY CONFIDENTAIL BECAUSE OF MY POSITION IN THE GOVERNMENT.
PLEASE I DO NOT KEEP EMAIL IN MY OPEN EMAIL ADDRESS BUT IN MY VERY PRIVATE ONES AND I EXPECT YOU TO DO THE SAME FOR ALL OF US.

MEANWHILE I AM CONFIDENT THAT THE POLICE WILL EVENTUALLY GET TO THE ROOT OF THE MATTER.

I WILL AWAIT TO HEAR FROM YOU CONCERNING THE PAYMENT SO WE CAN ROUND UP THIS TRANSACTION IN GOOD TIME

THANKS AND REGARDS

SUSAN

Some time later Susan sends this rather amazing email. Sounds like there's a party going on!

The Evil Zulu Minister wrote:

From: Susan Shubangu
Subject: Isobel is heald in JESUS MIGHTY NAME, AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Date: 17 Sep 2004

Dearest Sister Ivanna, (wow, steady on girl.)

Want you to feel free b/c (because) as soon as this payment is done early today as you said latest on coming Tuesday the consignment will be at your doorstep I guarantee you.

Thanks for your mail and may the gracious God bless you in Jesus mighty name for your effort towards this matter. Infact may the blessings of Abraham, Isaac and Daniel come upon you in Jesus mighty name and may you be crown with salvation I pray.

Please let us pray for Isobel: In Jesus Mighty name we pray that may your mercy and forgiveness come upon Isobel, may your healing grace like that you did upon Lazarus come upon her, Father God heal her in Jesus mighty name and we cover here with these Scriptural testimony: http://www.christ.com/praise.html

She is healed in Jesus name Amen.

Susan.

Remarkable!

Ivanna can't quite believe what she's reading. Sister Isobel will be thrilled with those prayers and blessings. Ivanna has been a rather busy girl today, and sends this out later.

The Savvy Sister wrote:

To: Susan Shubangu
Subject: The money is on its way.
Date: 17 Sep 2004

Attn:
Deputy Minister of Minerals and Energy (SA)
Mrs. Susan Shubangu

From:
Church Administrator (Assistant)
The Church of the Flaming Yarsol (Williamsburg VA)
Sister Ivanna B'Onnatoppe

Dear Deputy Minister,

The time is now just after 10am. What a morning it has been, moreover what a few days! I have read both of your last emails, and have removed all communications from all email accounts. I shall do the same with this when I have finished.

There is some rather bad news however. (no, really?) But I don't want to put you in a panic... please let me explain. After breakfast, I spoke to Father Willie and urged him to hurry to Western Union as time was surely catching up with us. He left a little after 7am for the quite long walk to the Western Union office. At 8:30am a policeman came to the church to say that Father Willie has been arrested in Richmond. My good God Susan, Father Willie has been charged with the attempted murder of Sister Isobel! ( Shocked

oh bugger!)

My head is spinning like a top Deputy Minister, I really don't know which way is up.

Anyway, I needed to find out if Father Willie had wired the money, so I went to the police precinct building to talk to Father Willie. He was crying so much, terribly upset he was; And confessing so many things to the police. I haven't quite got the full story, but I fear he may have attempted to swindle everybody and take your consignment for HIMSELF!

I did manage to find out that Father Willie was arrested on his way OUT of the Western Union office, so he must have wired the money. Personally I've never used Western Union, but I asked the kind policeman whether a receipt was found in Father Willie's possession. Indeed there was Deputy Minister; And I laid my 2 eyes upon it and fell to my knees to thank the Almighty himself for taking us through this terrible nightmare. He did it!

Now, I have read your latest email and I wish that it were Tuesday already. Now I must clean up around here so no-one suspects what we have been doing. I do hope that Father Willie keeps quiet about all of this, if he tells the police I think we will both be undone.

As a precaution, I have changed the password on this email account. I will simply say I do not know it, and that they should ask Father Willie. That should keep them occupied for a while I'll wager.

I'm going to clear out some space is Sister Isobel's chamber and ready it for the arrival of the consignment. I shall ready the bed too Deputy Minister, as I'm quite sure you will not be far behind. Praise be to the Lord. I cannot believe we are so close.

God's speed Deputy Minister, and good luck.

Your Loving Sister, In Gods Name

Ivanna B'Onnatoppe

Stone the crows! Father Willie is a no good dirty rotten greedy priest! Ivanna is quite distressed as you can tell, but even more importantly, Susan will be totally devastated... The control number Ivanna... Susan needs the bloody control number from the reciept! Without that, she can't get at the money! Twisted Evil

Everything goes quiet from Susan, but just to keep Susan informed, Ivanna forwards a communication she had with the church investigators.

(narrator note: as always with email conversations, read from the bottom up)

The Savvy Sister wrote:

To: Susan Shubangu
Subject: Church lawyers have been delayed
Date: 17 Sep 2004

Dear Susan,

Once again I find myself writing you a personal note.

Just to let you know that I have had a communication from the church investigators. Their man will now not be arriving until Monday. This is good news, and gives us a little breathing space.

I have included the mail communication below for your reference.

I do hope everything is well with you Susan.

God Bless.

Ivanna

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Sister Ivanna B'Onnatoppe
Date: 17 Sep 2004
Subject: Re: Case Number: 4109-12 [William Powkit]
To: Municipal And Global Associates

Attn:
Investigator General, Municipal And Global Associates
Mr. Bjorn Toorun

From:
Church Administrator (Assistant)
The Church of the Flaming Yarsol (Williamsburg VA)
Sister Ivanna B'Onnatoppe

Dear Mr. Toorun,

Thank you for your email and for letting us know the new arrival details. We were beginning to become worried. He will, of course, be very well looked after and our cooperation is guaranteed.

Sister Ivanna B'Onnatoppe

On 17 Sep 2004, Municipal And Global Associates wrote:
> FAO: Sister Ivanna B'Onnatoppe
>
> Dear Sister B'Onnatoppe,
>
> We have been trying to contact you for most of the day without
> success. It seems that telephone communications in your area are still
> not operational. Therefore we should communicate via email.
>
> As you are aware, our representative was due to arrive your location
> at 10am this morning. Unfortunately he as been delayed by anothe more
> pressing matter and will not now be arriving at your location until
> the AM of Monday 20th September 2004.
>
> Please note that we expect your fullest cooperation during the process
> of investigation by our team and the police. We are all deeply grieved
> by the actions of Father Powkit and must ensure that any actions
> undertaken him are made known to the authorities.
>
> Be sure to offer Mr. Neil B. Formi every curtosey available.
>
> Many Thanks
> Mr. Bjorn Toorun
> Investigator General
> --
> pp Municipal and Global Associates
> "Fruitless investigations our speciality"
>

The pressure cooker building up in Sister Ivanna has just let out a little steam, and she now has a little more time to think. Which is fortunate, because Susan is now in a terrible panic!

The Evil Zulu Minister wrote:

From: Susan Shubangu
Date: 17 Sep 2004
Subject: THIS IS TIME TO ACT

DEAR SISTER IVANNA,

I READ WITH TEARS IN MY EYES THE NEWS OF HOW WILLIE POWKIT WANT TO SWIN DLE EVERYBODY,AND THE UNFORTUNATE INCIDENCE OF HIM BEEN FINGERED AS WANTING TO KILL ISOBEL.

ALL THESE ARE QUITE DEPRESSING TO ME AND I FEEL IN A MEASURE RESPONSIBLE BECAUSE OF MY SINCERE DISPOSITION TO ASSIST ISOBEL.

ANYWAY I HUST PRAY THINGS DOES NOT WORK HIS WAY BECAUSE I CANNT WAIT TO COME AND SEE ALL OF YOU OVER THERE.

NOW IVANNA,WE HAVE A LITTLE PROBLEM. YOU HAVE TO GO GET THAT RECIEPT WHICH WILLIE USED TO MAKE THAT PAYMENT.I NEED THE INFORMATIONS THERE FOR ALLAN SMITH TO COLLECT THE MONEY AND RELEASE THE CONSIGNMENT.THE INFORMATIONS ARE: THE CONTROL NUMBER, THE AMOUNT PAID IN,AND THE NAME AND ADRRESS OF RECIEVER.

I CAME HIM A NAME BUT I NEEDED THE CONTROL NUMBER MOST.

AGAIN THERE IS NEED FOR YOU TO GET THE INFORMATION BEFORE POLICE GO INTO FULL SCAL INVVESTIGATION OF WILLIE ASSUMING HE IS REALLY GUILT.

REMEMBER WE CAN NOT AFFORD TO PLAY WITH THIS CONTENT OF THIS CONSIGNMENT.

PLEASE MOVE NOW AND GET THIS INFORMATION SO ALLAN SMITH WILL RELEASE THIS CONSIGNMENT IMMEDIATELY.

LET WILLIE KNOW THAT HE IS FULLY INVOLVE IN OR OUT OF POLICE NET.

I WILL NOT SLEEP UNTIL I HEAR FROM YOU AS ALL MY LIFE AND HOPE APPEARS TO BE HANGING ON A BALANCE

THANK YOU ONCE MORE SISTER IVANNA

SUSAN

Oh dear. What a terrible pickle. How is Sister Ivanna going to get the receipt? It's locked away at the police precinct with the rest of Father Willie's personal effects.

Susan no doubt can just about taste that money... so close, yet so far!

END OF PART TWO

The bait continues.
40+ messages, 28 days baiting.
It just keeps getting better.
Comments appreciated.

Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2004 2:28 pm

Bloody brilliant Laughing

I don't know which is funnier the letters, the crazy names or the narrative!

Can't wait to read pt 3

Good Job all round Laughing

Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2004 3:28 pm

Ah, the delicious irony of Susan's comment about Willie Powkit being fingered! Laughing

And so funny that you have completely convinced her that the church is staffed by thieves and murderers - does she not pause to think for one second as to how likely that is?? Shocked

Posted: Sat Sep 25, 2004 9:09 am

Here we go with the final part. Thanks to Cherrie and eight for popping in. Funny though, I hadn't noticed the bit about Powkit being fingered... Well spotted eight, gave me a great laugh.

Cameras... Lights.... ACTION!

TWISTED ZULU MINISTER (Part Three)

The Cast (in order of appearance)
The Evil Zulu Minister .................... Susan Shubangu
The Dizzy Nun ............................... Sister I.P. Knightly
The Administrator ......................... Father Willie Powkit
The Savvy Sister ........................... Sister Ivanna B'Onnatoppe

Supporting Cast (good guys)
The Investigator General .............. Mr. Bjorn Toorun
The Church Field Investigator ....... Mr. Neil B. Formi
The Homicide Police ....................... Lieutenant Al Biback
The Western Union Cashier .......... Ura Klutz

Supporting Cast (bad guys)
Chief Director Intelligence (UK) ..... Superintendant Allan Smith
Deputy (UK) Customs Inspector .... Inspector James Peters

Narrator
Eatyo Urgreens

Welcome to part three all. We finished part two with Sister Ivanna finding out that the Church lawyers had been delayed in their arrival. Their investigator and the police are just too close for comfort. Susan however cannot get at the money that Father Willie managed to send... not without the control number from the receipt. Susan certainly does not want the police to get in the way, the money will surely go for good.

Sister Ivanna, upon reading Susan's last email set's about getting those much needed numbers; Whilst Ivanna is away from the church during the 18th, this quite desperate plea comes in from Susan.

The Evil Zulu Minister wrote:

From: Susan Shubangu
Date: 18 Sep 2004
Subject: SUPER VERY URGENT (somebody is in a panic!)

DEAR IVANNA,

PLEASE GET ME THIS WESTERN UNION CONTROL NUMBER / (MTCN #) THAT IS 10 DIGITS AT THE TOP OF THE WESTERN UNION RECEIPT.

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT PLEASE.

THANKS,

SUSAN

Susan, do take a chill pill lovey.
Ivanna returns to the church to find this second email and quickly fires off yet another set of bad news to Susan Twisted Evil

The Savvy Sister wrote:

To: Susan Shubangu
Subject: Re: SUPER VERY URGENT
Date: 18 Sep 2004

Dear Susan,

Sorry for not writing sooner, I've been in a terrible state since your email yesterday. I understood about the control number and have been desperately seeking a good reason to get the receipt.

I was in no fit state to even go to breakfast this morning. So I went for a walk to try to calm down, this number you need got me positively perplexed. I decided I would go the police precinct at once.

The policemen were most kind, and I asked if I could see through Father Willie's personal effects, to look for some keys and documentation needed for the church. They agreed after a brief discussion, and brought to me the bag containing the articles.

To my horror the receipt from the Western Union office was no longer there. My heart felt as though it would stop, right on the spot, and I would fall down dead. I asked the policeman where the document was and he looked rather confused. They had me wait for 15 minutes and finally told me that a Lieutenant Al Biback from the Homicide department had signed the document out earlier in the morning.(oh cack! that's not good news)

I was totally beside myself Susan, I had no idea how I was going to get this wretched receipt. On my way out I asked where the Lieutenant could be found; and when he said that he was at the hospital taking a statement from Sister Isobel, I almost weed myself.

Of course I ran immediately to the hospital, it is quite far, almost a full five blocks. I was quite exhausted upon my arrival, it is very difficult to run in a habit you know.

Upon entering Sister Isobel's room I was thankful that the Lieutenant was still present. To my amazement and shock he said he wanted to see me, and that my arrival was his good fortune. He explained that he has been concerned over the Western Union receipt and prompty thrust it into my hand asking what I knew of it.

I started at the receipt desperately repeating the numbers in my head. He took away the receipt immediately I said I knew nothing of it. He left in quite a huff, but I wrote down the numbers in double quick time. 3971795.

Those are the only numbers I could remember in that short space of time Susan. Having returned to find your email saying there were 10 digits I am totally mortified. I will try to find this Lieutenant immediately Susan, and try to figure a way of getting that reciept into my hands once again.

I will sign off here, and talk to you later today.

God in heaven prey for me Susan.

Ivanna

Sister Ivanna is now in a terrible state and all she can think about is those damned numbers. At least Sister Isobel is well enough to have a statement taken from her; That's a good sign for sure.

Nothing is heard from Susan all day, maybe she's gone for a long walk herself Twisted Evil

Ivanna comes back late that night and has even more bad news for Susan.

The Savvy Sister wrote:

To: Susan Shubangu
Subject: I'm in terrible turmoil.
Date: 19 Sep 2004

Dear Susan,

Today has been one of the worst in my 25 years of life. I never thought that my finding the good Lord and joining the church would put me into this sort of mess. I feel I have made some very bad decisions over the last few days.

However, I am a woman of my word and shall see this trough to the bitter end. You have been very kind and understanding throuout this terrible ordeal Susan. I sometimes forget that this is not just about us, but about you also. South Africa is so very far away Susan, and I prey that the good Lord keeps you safe and secure.

Now let me explain what has happened, there has been so much more than I told you earlier.

I left immediately I sent you my last email and hurried to the police precinct. I managed to find the office of Lietenant Biback and to my relief I found him inside. He was very suprised to see me but was glad I was there, as I'd saved him the trouble of a trip to the Church. Oh Lord, that's the second time I've been exactly where he didn't expect me to be, I cannot afford for him to become suspicious.

He asked me why I was there, and I made an excuse about wanting to see the receipt once again. He said sure and showed it to me, thrusting it quite rudely into my hand; The arrogance!

I was trying to memorize the missing numbers when he started to ask me more questions. He said he was quite interested why a priest would be sending so much money to a man in London. Oh my lord Susan, you must simply tell your man in London that trouble is coming in his direction.

I feel terrible Susan. Lieutenant Biback said that he had been in touch with Scotland Yard in Britain and that they were going to investigate the name and address on the Western Union reciept. With that, Lieutenant Biback said that he had contacted the head of Western Union to order the money transfer to be stopped immediately!

I am sitting in this man's office Susan, with the receipt in my shaking hands and he tells me the money has been stopped, just like that, stopped! I think my expression concerned the Lieutenant as he asked me if I was alright. I had to think quickly, and asked about the money. He said that it would be made available first thing on Monday morning, and that I could pick it up from the Western Union office then.

I feel like the walls of Jerusalem are about to fall upon my head Susan. And you, you must now be in a terrible state reading these words.

But, all is not yet lost Susan; We can still make this work because on Monday morning I will have that money in my hand and will be able to send it immediately; And having a reciept given me, I will run like the wind and give you the control numbers by email.

You simply must tell me of any changes to the details I must enter on the form. I have never done this before and am not aware of the procedure. Please Susan I beg you, please tell me what to with the Western Union form. Send me instructions, and example anything please Susan.

I am crying writing this Susan, my head is pounding and my heart is in my mouth. I desperately want to this to be over and to release you from your burden. Please help me Susan, I beg you.

Ivanna B'Onnatoppe

Poor Ivanna. So much pressure on this poor woman's shoulders, she sounds in a terrible state. The police investigation could spell disaster for Susan, and now that Scotland Yard are involved, things could go from bad to worse in short short order. The net is closing, and time is not on Ivanna's side.

With the money transfer stopped, and Western Union giving back the money to Sister Ivanna on Monday, there is still a chance that Susan can win her prize.

Susan is quick to bite and sends detailed instructions for the new payment.

The Evil Zulu Minister wrote:

From: Susan Shubangu
Date: 19 Sep 2004
Subject: SUPER VERY URGENT

DEAREST IVANNA

GOOD MORNING TO YOU AND REMAIN BLESSED IN THE JESUS NAME MEN.

I GOT YOUR MAIL AND I SPOKE TO ALLAN SMITH IMMEDIATELY WHO TOLD ME HIS ANNUAL LEAVE STARTED AFTER WORK ON FRIDAY LAST, AND AS SUCH IT WILL NOT BE OFFICIAL OF HIM TO COLLECT THE MONEY.

HOWEVER HE RECOMMENDED HIS DEPUTY MR JAMES PETERS,WHOM I HAD THE PREVILEDGE OF SPEAKING TO ON PHONE 20 MINUTES AGO.

MR PETERS SAID YOU SHOULD SEND THE MONEY TO HIM AT THE FOLLOWING ADDRESS:

MR JAMES PETERS
BRITISH CUSTOM DIPLOMATIC OFFICE, LAGOS NIGERIA.
TEST QUESTION: COUNTRY ANWSER: NIGERIA

THIS ARRANGEMENT PARTICULARLY MAKES ME HAPPY AS IT WILL SAVE THE SUSPICION IN LONDON. MR PETERS WILL NOW MOVE THE MONEY TO LONDON THROUGH SWIFT.THIS IS SUPER IVANNA DEAR.

PLEASE REMEMBER TO KEEP THIS TRANSACTION TO YOURSELF ONLY AS WE HAVE HAD ENOUGH TROUBLE IN A VERY SHORT TIME AND CANT REALLY AFFORD ANOTHER.

I WANT TO ASSURE YOU THAT 24HOURS AFTER SENDING THIS MONEY I.E TUEDAY THE CONSIGMENT SHOULD BE READY AT YOUR DESIGNATED ADRRESS. I WILL LIKE TO SUGEST THAT BASED ON THE PRESENT CIRCUMSTANCES, IF YOUR GIVEN ADDRESS IS NO LONGER CONDUCIVE FOR RECIEVING THIS FUND YOU SHOULD INFORM ME OF A NEW ADDRESS IMMEDIATELY SO I WILL FORWARD SAME ALONG WITH THE PARTICULARS OF THE WESTERN UNION TO ALLAN SMITH VIA JAMES PETERS.

JUST N CASE YOU WERE ASKED AT THE WESTERN UNION OFFICE THE PURPOSE FOR WHICH THE MONEY IS MEANT, JUST TELL THEM IS FOR CHURCH PURPOSES,THOUGH I DO NOT SEE THAT HAPPENEING ANYWAY.

PLEASE I FEEL HIGHLY SORRY FOR WHATEVER STRESS THIS HAS GOTTEN YOU INTO AND I WISH AND HOPE IT WILL BE ALL OVER THIS TIME AROUND.

WHILE SENDING ME THE INFORMATION FOR THE WESTERN UNION, I WILL LIKE TO HAVE THE FOLLOWING:CONTROL NUMBER,AMOUNT PAID IN,AND NAME OF SENDER.

REMEMBER THIS IS THE ZERO HOUR AND WE CANT AFFORD TO MAKE ANOTHER MISTAKE.BY THE WAY HOW IS WILLIE DOING? IS HE STILL IN DETENTION OR WHAT?PLEASE SEND MY SYMPATHY.

FOR NOW DEAR IVANNA LETS PRAY AND HOPE THINGS WORKS OUT FINE.

WHEN NEXT YOU SEE ISOBEL TELL HER I WILL BE COMING WITH A VERY SPECIAL GIFT FOR HER, AND PLEASE GIVE HER MY LOVE AND AFFECTION.

YOU ARE SUCH A WONDERFUL PERSON IVANNA,REMAIN BLESSED MY VERY WARM REGARDS TO YOU

SUSAN

Ivanna is very relieved to see Susan's email and it would appear that warning Susan about potential trouble has given her a bit more credability. Good, because the party is about to start.

The Savvy Sister wrote:

To: Susan Shubangu
Subject: Re: SUPER VERY URGENT
Date: 19 Sep 2004

Dear Susan,

Thank the Lord for your mail this morning, I was so worried about you.

I'm so very glad that your man in London, Mr Smith, has started is annual leave. Do tell him to keep his head down Susan. I've heard that those British policemen are quite thorough in their work.

I noted the change of details for the money transfer, but I'm a little concerned that you want me to send it to Nigeria. I've heard bad things about Nigeria Susan, there are so very many fraudsters there. I do hope your man Mr. Peters is trustworthy, I would hate to think that you were being taken for a ride by him Susan.

It does sound as though things are starting to go our way at last. Moving the payment from a London address is a simply smashing idea; And of course, Scotland Yard in Britain wouldn't have a clue.

You can be guaranteed Susan, that I won't be telling anybody about what we are trying so desperately to do. Not even my best friend Isobel. We simply must keep this so very quiet.

I simply cannot wait until Tuesday and this will be all over. Don't worry Susan, our Church annexe has certain laws protecting our Sisters. It is hallowed ground Susan, the police dare not set foot anywhere near our accomodation and private chapel. The consignment and yourself will be quite safe.

I have cleared space for the trunk box, though I'm not quite sure how big it is. I've never seen a box with that amount of money before. However, I'm sure it will be fine. I have also made up the room Susan, as I do very much hope that you will be arriving quite soon behind the consignment. I'm very much looking forward to meeting you Susan.

My trip to the Western Union office in Arlington shall be a piece of cake, Susan. I see you make mention of what to say. I do hope they don't ask stupid questions. I also see the information you require; To be honest I think I shall simply scan the receipt and send it to you Susan, so there is no mistake.

Please Susan, don't feel sorry for things that have been happening here; Lord knows it's been so very hard, but without pain there can be no pleasure. We shall prevail Susan, and when this is finally over we shall be heralded as heroes.

Indeed, it is zero hour Susan. May the Lord guide us and protect us.

You ask after Father Willie and dear Isobel. Sweet Susan, even through all this turmoil you have time to think of others; You are a remarkable woman Susan.

Well, let me tell you about Father Willie. I went to see him this morning at the jail. I wanted to try and find out what he has said to the police. He has indeed confessed to the charge of trying to kill Sister Isobel!

I very nearly called him some shameful names, but I must refrain from using such expleetives, they are quite uncalled for. The foolish man has it in his head that I'm actually going to help him acquire your money Susan. The nerve of the man!

According to the policeman there, he is being charged with attempted homicide, fraud, and embezzlement. He has been stealing from our little Church Susan, for many years. I'm so very angry with him Susan. I do hope he simply rots in jail. He is quite guilty.

The dashing young policeman would not say how he was found out, he said I would have to ask the 'Municipal and Global Associates' as they have been investigating Father Willie for some time.

This is very very shocking news indeed. I was tempted to send an email at once to the M&GA and ask what was going on. But then I remembered that one of their investigators shall be arriving in the morning.

I shall be visiting Isobel in hospital after writing this to you Susan. I really need to take her council and see that she is alright.

Never fear, I shall pass on your very kind words to her Susan. I am quite sure they will comfort her.

Your Sister in Gods Name
Ivanna

Early morning of the 20th and Susan is very quick off the mark.

The Evil Zulu Minister wrote:

From: Susan Shubangu
Date: 20 Sep 2004
Subject: SUPER VERY URGENT

DEAR IVANNA,

I WAS ON PHONE SOME FEW MINUTES AGO WITH JAMES PETERS AND HE WAS WORRIED AT THE DELAY IN SENDING THIS MONEY.

PLEASE DO NOT WASTE ANY FURTHER TIME ON THIS .

WE REALLY CANNOT AFFORD TO LOOSE THIS OPPURTUNITY.

THANKS ANYWAY FOR YOUR LAST MAIL AND BE REST ASSURRED THAT THERE IS NO PROBLEM WITH THE NIGERIA ARRANGEMENT.MR ALLAN SMITH GAVE ME HIS WORD THAT HE CAN BE TRUSTED OK.

THANKS

SUSAN

... and within a matter of less that 3 hours, Susan tried to turn up the heat.

The Evil Zulu Minister wrote:

From: Susan Shubangu
Date: 20 Sep 2004
Subject: VERY URGENT REPLY NEEDED

MY DEAREST IVANNA,

GOOD AFTERNOON AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU IN JESUS NAME I PRAY.

PLEASE KINDLY RUSH TO WESTERN UNION AND PAY TO JAMES PETERS IN NIGERIA AS I TOLD YOU. IT IS 100% SAFE FOR US THAN LONDON EVEN SINCE THE U.S.A. POLICE AND SCOTLAND ISSUE CAME UP B/C OF BAD FATHER WILLIE, SUCH THAT YOU GET OUR CONSIGNMENT SAFELY LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING.

I AM PRAYING FOR OUR SUCCESS. (prey on, cow!)

SUSAN.

Ivanna has been a busy girl, but is not entirely impressed with Susan's very early email.

The Savvy Sister wrote:

To: Susan Shubangu
Subject: I did it Susan, I finally got it done.
Date: 20 Sep 2004

Dear Susan,

Your first email arrived here at around 7:30 this morning, it was quite early Susan and the Western Union office does not open until 8am. I was quite upset by it. No matter, everything is as it should be.

It's now coming on 2pm and I've had a time of it. I'm replying to this, your email which arrived around 10 this morning. You do sound very desperate, I'm sorry for the delay. I didn't want any mistakes so I have scanned the receipt and attached it.

I hope Mr. Peters is not too angry Susan, I'd rather not make an enemy of him, and I am trying to do me very best under quite difficult circumstances.

Now that that is out of the way, and I have done my bit (God help me) let me tell you of things that have been happening here.

Susan, I fear I must tell you that my very good friend Sister Isobel is not whom she appears to be! I went to see her last night after sending my previous mail to you. We simply talked for ages. She told me that it was indeed Father Willie who tried to kill her. Isobel did not want to tell me the reasons why, but I'm jolly glad I persisted with my questions.

It turns out that Father Willie has been suspected of embezzlement for quite some time, and that Isobel herself was recruited by the MAGA (Municipal And Global Associates) to spy on him and gather evidence of his crimes.

But listen Susan, Sister Isobel said that Father Willie tried to play a trick on her by sending her emails pretending to be someone from South Africa. My God Susan, she thought that YOU were Father Willie.

She became tired of the emails and decided to confront Father Willie; She told him what she knew and that she would call in the MAGA immediately. That's the last she remembers until waking in the hospital.

Armed with this new information, I dare not confide in her what we have been doing. I feel so very alone Susan.

When I arrived at the Western Union office this morning, they were expecting me, and the kind lady who served me was most helpful. Ura, that was her name, Ura Klutz. She was simply smashing and helped me fill out the refunding paperwork, and then helped with sending you the money.

It was so very expensive Susan, and I hope you are not displeased but I had to use the money I had to also pay for the transfer. I could hardly believe it when Ura told me that it would cost $64.00 to send. So now I have sent you a slightly reduced amount. I do hope Mr Peters is pleased with this.

The MAGA investigators were here when I returned, but they have not found any leads back to you Susan.

Everything is now set. I look forward to finally seeing the consignment, and yourself.

God Bless
Ivanna

<< Attachment >>

So, Ivanna does the deed and sends Susan the receipt.

Susan however, is not entirely sure that the cash has been stashed, and throws some instructions in Ivanna's direction.

The Evil Zulu Minister wrote:

From: Susan Shubangu
Date: 20 Sep 2004
Subject: IVANNA, I AM PERPLEXED (hahahahaha)

DEAR IVAANA,

I HAVE SEEN YOUR MAIL AND THE SCANNED RECIEPT BUT UNFORTUNATELY WHEN MR PETERS WENT TO THE WESTERN UNION THIS MORNING, HE WAS TOLD THE MONEY IS NOT THERE-WHAT A MESS.

IN FACT WHEN HE CALLED ME FEW MINUTES AGO I WAS PERPLEXED TO SAY THE LEAST.PLEASE PROCEED TO THE WESTERN UNION OFFICE AND INFORM THEM OF THIS DEVELOPMENT.PERHAPS THEY DID NOT POST IT.

ALSO YOU CAN DO THE TRACKING YOURSELF BY GOING TO <A href="http://www.WESTERNUNION.COM,THEN">WWW.WESTERNUNION.COM,THEN</A> CLICK ON ORDER STATUS AND PUT IN THE CONTROL NUMBER AND SENDERS NAME.THE RESULT WILL GIVE YOU NO RECORD.

PLEASE GET BACK TO ME AS JAMES PETERS IS ALREADY BECOMING MAD AT ME AND HAS TREATENED TO INFORM ALLAN SMITH OF THE UNSERIOUSNESS IN PAYING THIS MONEY. IVANNA I WAS ABLE TO CALM HIM DOWN BUT YOU CAN IMAGINE THE FURY IN HIS VOICE.

THANKS AND GOD BLESS YOU

SUSAN

Susan, it would appear, is not entirely stupid and need not even get off her fat lazy mugu ass to see whether the money is on its way.

However, could it be that Susan really thinks that Ivanna has sent the money? The instructions would seem to indicate that suspicion has not been aroused.

Soon after this, a *let's pretend it's being forwarded from somewhere else* mail arrives in Ivanna's inbox.

The Evil Zulu Minister wrote:

From: Susan Shubangu
Date: 20 Sep 2004
Subject: IVANNA, I AM PERPLEXED:JAMES PETERS MAIL

DEAREST IVANNA,

I DECIDED ON A SECOND THOUGHT TO SEND YOU JAMES PETERS MAIL TO ME THIS MORNING:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My dear ,

From: james peters([email protected])

Att:mrs susan shabangu
Subject: consignment number 096789034

Consignee: isobel knighly paula

Location: london
Please be informed that up till now i have not been able to recieve the money from your consignee in us.<BR>I want to register my displeasure with development and will not hesitate to inform allan smith immediately.i have been to western union office twice and on your instruction and on both ocassions i was turned back that the ffund is not there.

Please get back to me
thanks

JAMES PETERS

Ivanna is most concerned at this, but does not want anybody to tell Mr Smith in London just yet.

The Savvy Sister wrote:

To: Susan Shubangu, James Peters
Subject: Re: IVANNA, I AM PERPLEXED:JAMES PETERS MAIL
Date: 21 Sep 2004

Oh Lord help me,

Susan, Mr Peters please; I do not know what is happening. I have tried to look at the tracking on the western union website as you have suggested in your ealier email Susan, and as you have said it appears not to be there.

I am surrounded by these MAGA investigators, as I explained, but I will promptly go to the Western Union office and find out what has happened.

Mr Peters, please bear with me. Do not be angry with Susan this is not her fault. If you must be angry, please be angry with me. I beg you please not to tell Allan Smith in London, please give me a little time to find out what has happened.

I feel terrible Susan; I feel that the entire weight of the world is upon my shoulders, and to cap it all, Isobel will be returning to the church today also.

Ivanna.

Ivanna dashes off to the Western Union office to find out where the money has gone.

In the mean time, Sister Isobel returns, and wants to communicate with Susan. Didn't Isobel tell Ivanna that Susan was a joke from Father Willie? What is Isobel up to?

The Dizzy Nun wrote:

To: Susan Shubangu
Subject: We need to talk.
Date: 21 Sep 2004

Susan.

I do prey that you can forgive my absence. I have been away for sometime, quite ill in hospital. I am not yet mended but have returned to the church nonetheless.

My last words to you I cannot recollect, nor do I seem to have any of your emails, thankfully I wrote your email in my diary. I do remember being very rude to you Susan, I am sorry.

Right now I need a friend, my whole world is falling apart and I need someone to talk to. I have lost a mentor, and now my best friend and confidente is dead in the mortuary. I need you Susan.

Please Susan, I know you are out there. Please forgive my being away for so long. I am here now, and I will not leave you again, I promise. Please Susan tell me that you are well, tell me that I can continue to help you.

Please tell me that you have not forsaken me. You are all I have left.

Isobel Paula Knightly

Isobel is a bit confused as to why Susan has not replied to her previous message. She decides to forward her previous message, with a little extra message on top.

The Dizzy Nun wrote:

To: Susan Shubangu
Subject: Talk To Me Please Susan
Date: 22 Sep 2004

Susan dear,
I need you Susan. Please talk to me.
Isobel

This plea seems to do the trick, and within minutes Susan comes back, and it appears in a state of shock, and promptly forgets that Isobel knows nothing of what she, Willie and Ivanna have been up to.

The Evil Zulu Minister wrote:

From: Susan Shubangu
Date: 22 Sep 2004
Subject: GOD BLESS YOU

MY DEAREST ISOBEL,

IS IT REALY YOU THAT IS TALKING? PRAISE BE TO GOD, ALELUYIA. I AM INDEED VERY HAPPY TO HERE FROM YOU AND PLEASE FORGIVE ME FO NOT COMING TO SEE YOU IN THE HOSPITAL WHICH YOU KNOW WAS IMPOSSIBLE B/C OF THE SENSITIVE NATURE OF MY WORK.

HOWEVER MAY WE USE THIS GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY TO PRAY FIRST OF ALL, " OH JEHOVAH GOD, ALPHA AND OMEGA, GOD OF ISREAL, GOD OF DANIEL I CALL UPON YOUR HOLY NAME TO SEND DOWN YOUR MEDICAL EXPERTS UPON YOUR SERVANT OF THE VINE YARD (ISOBEL) TO HANDLE HER MATTER WITH URGENCY AND DELIVER HER FROM THIS HEALTH MESS LIKE YOU DELIVERED DANIEL FROM LIONS IN THE DEN OF LION IN JESUS MIGHTY NAME" AMEN!!!

ISOBEL BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE HEALED AND YOU HAVE BEEN HEALED IN THE MIGHTY NAME OF JESUS CHRIST OUR LORD THAT DIED IN THE CROSS-OF CALVARY FOR YOU AND ME.

YES HAPPY HEARING FROM YOU AGAIN. YOUR GOOD FRIEND IVANNA HAS BEEN SO NICE OVER THIS YOUR MATTER AS A MATTER OF FACT SHE WAS THE PERSON THAT TOLD ME THE TRUTH HOW REV. WILLIE WANTED TO KILL YOU BUT THE ANGELS OF GOD SAID NO BY INTERVAINIG SO PRAISE GOD.

IVANNA PAID $750.00 YESTERDAY VIA WESTERN UNION BUT I DON�T KNOW HOW OR WHY THE CONTROL NUMBER OF THE WESTERN UNION COULD NOT BE IN THE CENTRAL COMPUTER SYSTEM, HENCE IT COULD NOT BE COLLECTED TO EFFECT RELEASE.

IT IS NOT POSSIBLE SO TELL HER TO TELL WESTERN UNION TO RELEASE THE TRANSFER POSTING AND LET OUR CONSIGNMENT BE RELEASED TO YOU SO THAT WE CAN MAKE A BETTER TOMORROW.

I WILL APPRECIATE TO HEAR FROM YOU AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE.

SUSAN.

Susan is in a state alright... Time for Isobel to tell Susan some very bad news indeed.

The Dizzy Nun wrote:

To: Susan Shubangu
Subject: Re: GOD BLESS YOU
Date: 22 Sep 2004

Susan,

Thank God you are there, and thank the Lord you have heard me. Your praises and prayers are most welcomed, I thank you for them.

I did not know that Sister Ivanna or Father Willie were known to you. This is the first I have heard of this matter. I did have a visit from a policeman soon after I awoke to ask about a receipt found on Father Willie. Money going to somewhere in London.

Sister Ivanna never mentioned that she was in communication with you. Please explain what has been happening.

Susan. As you have been in contact with Ivanna, I feel that I should tell you some bad news. Please sit down.

Ivanna is dead, Susan. She was knocked over by a car yesterday and died in hospital around lunch time. I have a newspaper here, I will send a clipping to you later.

Please explain what has been happening Susan, I appear to have been kept in the dark whilst in hospital. An eye witness to Ivanna's accident said she was crying and running down the street.

The Sisters here said she was very upset about something, please Susan. I need to know everything that has happened since my accident.

This payment you speak of, I have no record of it. In fact all the email from the office system and my own have recently been deleted.

God Bless You Child,
Get back to me as soon as you can.

Isobel.

Whilst this communication wings it's way to Susan, the church admin office is receiving some rather furious sounding emails.

Ivanna's silence appears to be sending poor Susan round the twist.

The Evil Zulu Minister wrote:

From: Susan Shubangu
Date: 22 Sep 2004
Subject: GOD BLESS YOU

DEAREST IVANNA,

YOU MUST DO SOMETHING FAST OR ELSE I WILL STOP THIS TRANSACTION WITH YOU PEPLE B/C YOU ARE MAKING ME LOOK STUPID BEFORE THE AUTHORITIES ESPECIALY MR. PETERS.

THE WORST IS THAT MR. ALLN SMITH SENT ME A VERY SAD MAIL WARNNING ME THAT IF THIS MATTER IS NOT RESOLVED TODAY THAT MR. PETERS GETS THIS MONEY TODAY HE WILL MAKE SURE HE FRAUSTRATE ME.

IVANNA, PLEASE TELL ME WHAT WRONG I HAVE DONE TO YOU PEOPLE TO HAVE DESERVED THIS?

PLEASE! PLEASE!! PLEASE!!! IVANNA , I AM ALSO WARNNING YOU THAT IF THIS PAYMENT IS NOT CORRECTED, SENT AND COLLECTED BY MR. PETERS IN THE NEXT 4 OR 5 HOURS I WILL CHANGE YOU PEOPLE AND INVOLVE SOME ONE ELSE THAT CAN PAY THIS MONEY AND ENJOY THE REWARD.

SEE YOU THEN,

SUSAN

Unfortunately for Susan, and because the church is in terrible shock over Ivanna's sudden death, Susan recieves an auto reponder directing her to Sister Isobel.

Next comes the annoyed Mr. Peters.

Deputy (UK) Customs Inspector wrote:

From: Insp. James Peters, Deputy (UK) Customs Inspector
Date: 22 Sep 2004
Subject: WARNING

Dear Ms. Ivanna,

What is going on? I can�t understand you anymore. Please I am warning you for the last time that I am given you only but a maximum of 5 hours from now to confirm this payment by Mr. Peters or else consider your consignment as being confiscated.

Thanks,

Allan Smith

Susan dear, you seem to be in a bit of a frenzy... you signed this one as Mr Smith... der!

Repeated warnings come in for about an hour, but it would seem that around 3:25pm (BST) Susan has realized that the game is up, and sends this final message to the now quite dead Ivanna.

The Evil Zulu Minister wrote:

From: Susan Shubangu
Date: 22 Sep 2004
Subject: Re: STOP TREATING ME LIKE A BABY PLEASE!!!!!!!

DEAR MRS. IVAN,

YOU A CRIMINAL AND STUPID IDIOT OVER YOUR FALSE STORIES.

BYE,

SUSAN.

In an attempt to engage Susan for just a little while longer, Isobel sends this last query to Susan.

The Dizzy Nun wrote:

To: Susan Shubangu
Subject: Why Is Ivanna A Criminal?
Date: 22 Sep 2004

Susan,

I have just been called into our administration office; Our church investigators have seen the emails sent by you, Mr Peters and Mr Smith.

What are you calling Ivanna a criminal Susan? Please explain what she has done to anger you so?

Isobel.

THE END

Susan is non responsive, even to some abuse sent from Isobel. Such a shame.

Isobel was growing very fond of her new found pet, and now it has run away without even uttering a single death threat. Oh well, maybe next time Twisted Evil

65 messages, 33 days baiting.
My first completed bait!

Posted: Sat Sep 25, 2004 2:53 pm

Ripping good yarn EYG Laughing

It's a shame they run off without allowing you the satisfaction of a good tirade of abuse or the ultimate Death threat!

But at least you can feel smug at waisting over a month of their time Laughing

Posted: Sat Sep 25, 2004 3:20 pm

Eatyo - Brilliant bait my friend! You gave me a boat load of baiting ideas too, especially the newspaper clipping of the suicide attempt (I have to make one for the Hitman bait ) Great job! Very Happy

Posted: Sun Sep 26, 2004 6:41 am

I have really enjoyed this saga; inventive characters and ingenious plot twists make it good fun to read (though I suspect most of it went over Susan's head), and the clipping was just superb! Laughing

When can we have more of Isobel et al, please? Very Happy

Posted: Wed Sep 29, 2004 7:03 pm

Thanks for the kind words all... I really enjoyed this bait. It is a shame it ended the way it did, but I accomplished the wasting of time task, and hopefully some of the readers will have gained a good laugh or two.

Don't forget now, there's no copyright warning on this story, so please take what you can use fellow baiters.

More stories from Sister Isobel are in the pipeline.

Chin Chin Everybody!

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