Had my entire internal organs removed

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Posted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 6:57 pm

I mailed this to Alim.ah and Siste.rs:

Quote:

Unfortunately my wife killed me on Saturday when she accidentally shot me in the face. Luckily for me though the world renowned tree-surgeon Dr Marmaduke Doolittle III, managed to succesfully surge me back to life. He removed all of my internal organs and replaced them with microchips and hydraulic pistons. I have an Intel Pentium 4 processor instead of a brain and two mobile telephones with cameras in to act as my ears and eyes. When I got home my wife related the whole story of my ordeal, oh how we laughed....

Miss Ali.mah replied:

Quote:

"I am very saddened to here of your recnt death but thank god you are now alrit agen. Praise the lord for Docter marmaduke dolitle."

Unbe-fucking-leivable

Posted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 7:11 pm

This opens a wide range of possibilities! Smile

Posted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 7:34 pm

Yes, what with me having mobiles for ears, that means I could drop dead from a lethal call at any time if someone even speaks to me!

Posted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 8:46 pm

Perhaps in the next few posts you can tell him about the superpowers you are gradually discovering with your all new body Razz

Baiting Guru Joined: 08 Jul 2004 Posts: 11857 Location: UK

You could turn it in to a whole bionic man bait Laughing

"Angus McOatupp , Baiter - A man barely alive . . . Gentlemen, we can rebuild him . . . we have the technology. We have the capability to make the world's first bionic baiting man. Angus McOatupp will be that man. Better than he was before, Stronger, Faster . . .".

Angus McOatupp played Colonel Steve Austin, a NASA test pilot who survived a near fatal crash and was reconstructed and refurbished by Dr Marmaduke Doolittle III at a cost of $6,000,000. Steve was fitted with atomic-powered (!?!) legs , arms and left eye (complete with built-in grid screen). I'll never know why they didn't just rip his other eye out and give him two atomic eyes!

Posted: Tue Jul 27, 2004 4:12 am

Like the bionic woman wouldn't have just run in circles, what with the one leg getting done....

Posted: Tue Jul 27, 2004 7:05 pm

Quote:

In a dystopic & crime ridden Newcastle-upon-Tyne, a terminally wounded baiter returns to 419 eater as a powerful cyborg with submerged memories haunting him� Newcastle is scam ridden, and run by a massive company. The company have developed a huge scam fighting robot, ED209, which unfortunately develops a rather dangerous glitch. The company sees a way to get back in favour with the public when a baiter called Angus McOatupp is killed by a street scam-gang. McOatupp's body is reconstructed within a steel shell and named ROBOBAITER. ROBOBAITER is very successful against mugus, and becomes a target of supermugu Bello.

Can't believe they believed the last load of shite, wonder if this latest update will make them think twice? Obviously I didn't mention 419 eater etc... in the version I sent them!

While I'm in Robocop mode, check this out.
http://www.nfb.ca/grizzly/suit.html
This bloke was attacked by a bear in the early 80's, and inspired by robocop, constructed a $150,000 bear-proof suit. Mental.

Baiting Guru Joined: 08 Jul 2004 Posts: 11857 Location: UK

Bear man is some sort of nut nut ain't he, either that or he's a mackem Laughing

, loved the tests he did on the suit, geezer is off his head Shocked

Testing On Suit:
Truck: 18 collisions with a three-tonne truck travelling at 50 kilometres an hour (30 m.p.h)
Rifle: Shot at with 12 gauge shotgun, using "Sabot" slugs
Arrows: Armour-piercing arrows, fired from 45 kilogram (100 lb.) bow
Tree Trunk: Two collisions with a 136 kilgram (300 lb.) tree from a height of 9 metres (30 ft.)
Bikers: Assault by three bikers -- the largest, 2.05 metres (6 ft. 9 in.) tall, weighing 175 kilograms (385 lbs.). Biker armaments: splitting ax, planks, baseball bat.
Escarpment: Jumped off escarpment, falling over 15.25 metres (over 150 ft.).

Bite Bar:
Pressure-sensitive strip located on right arm, to measure the biting power of a grizzly.

I like this bit, the suit has a Fireproof rubber exterior, presumably in case any bear is carrying a flame thrower Laughing

Posted: Tue Jul 27, 2004 11:41 pm

He's is a total nutcase, but demands total respect!!! Apparently he made a guest appearence as himself on the Simpsons. Have you seen the video of him getting slammed by a tree trunk? Surprised he didn't die from an adrenalin overdose!

U a geordie?

Baiting Guru Joined: 08 Jul 2004 Posts: 11857 Location: UK

Nah mate, I'm a cockney, or as you geordies would say, a cockney wanker Laughing

couldn't you tell from my signature Wink

Didnt see the video of him being hit by a tree, there is a link to some clip on there, but it wont play on my media player, is that what you viewed it on?

Think this was the link http://www.nfb.ca/grizzly/griz56l.ram, that the one you watched?

Posted: Wed Jul 28, 2004 12:19 am

Yeah thats the link, works fine in my RealPlayer, Although I can't access it from work.
Thought the signature might have had something to do with beating the mackems in the semi-final! I won a few quid on that. Had Millwall 1-0 and Cahill to score. I thought Millwall weren't cockneys though? Although anything past Scotch Corner is south to me!

Posted: Thu Jul 29, 2004 3:02 pm

I had a reply to my robocop storyline, an example of which is printed below. Hopefully i will put this all on a webpage if it carries on in this fashion!

Quote:

...he (Dr. Marmaduke Doolittle III)replaced most of my skin with titanium plating and my bones with high tensile carbon fibre rods. I am virtually indestructible, and can therefore dictate what I eat! I had three pints of kerosine and a massey-ferguson tractor for tea last night.... ...I am still too frightened to talk to people incase the phones in my head spontaneously kill me....

Amazingly Miss Alim.ah replied again;

Quote:

"Praise god he has looked over you and you are trully a. The imptoarnt thing here is the money western union transfer of funds. i am gratful to god that he has spared you your life but must stress the need to consentrait on the matter at hand. Praise God"

Q) Does anyone think she might be a religious fanatic?
Q) I am truly a... what?
Q) How do you pronounce 'Imptoarnt'?

Not quite a Newb Joined: 04 Mar 2004 Posts: 22

lol, this is fantastic!

Please do post up the full thingy when it's done. Very Happy

Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2004 7:49 pm

He must have read a lot of low-quality science fiction novels. Laughing

I bet he believes in UFO and space aliens too. Laughing

Posted: Tue Aug 31, 2004 6:46 pm

Whats wrong with low-quality sci-fi and believing in UFO's?

Nah I dont really, but theres nowt wrong with classic 80's films like robocop, total recall, and tremors.

I would have loved to post the full bait, but it tailed off and isn't worth the read!

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