Safari Hat-Trick ("i have heart attack now")

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 11:15 am

@ NickTheCop

Quote:

I'm not really at the hotel.

Give him the name of an hotel nearly right and let him chase round. Same with phone number. Of course a lad's number would be fun! Laughing

Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 11:39 am

^^ I know. Shocking, isn't it? Smile

Here's the latest from our boi in Lagos.

Antsy Boi wrote:

Brother thanks very much for all your effort.
Brother where do you think i will get money that will take be to Shagamu, i told you that i dont have any money with me here.
i have not even eating anything since morning today.
so tell him to come to Mile2 to meet me.
if he does not give you his phone number then you have to foget it becaues i dont have a phone here with me and i dont know how he will be able to know where i will be standing .so he has to give you his phone number so that i can call him.
brother please do this for me now.

A mild slap followed for ingratitude.

Trophy Videos · Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 12:57 pm

Nice going, Nick. Thumbs up

Sleepy lads make mistakes. Keep it going! Very Happy

Did the car break down on the way? Oh, no! He was almost here, too. Maybe he can borrow money from family or friends for a bus ticket to Ibadan to meet Saludo. He will wait for him to get there, as he has more business in town? An apology from Saludo would do much to improve the lad's spirits. Smile

Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 1:01 pm

^^ That last e-mail was for Sands, actually. I should have mentioned that. Sol's having some car trouble but I'm not going to contact the lad with that information until it looks like he's just about to leave. I want to leave him in Lagos a bit longer before I try my hand at making him travel again.

Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 2:44 pm

Lazy lads!!!

Quote:

i have not rested since morning.

Funny to complain that he hasnt rested during the day - so lazy!

Trophy Videos · Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 2:51 pm

Perhaps Saludo could tell the lad that he has a nice plush bed for him to rest his weary bones, and will allow him to sleep before they get down to real business. Smile

I'm getting nervous with anticipation, Nick. Smile

Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 3:02 pm

Ladbuster: Laughing

I didn't even pick up on that the first time. That lazy bastard.

SlapHappy wrote:

Perhaps Saludo could tell the lad that he has a nice plush bed for him to rest his weary bones, and will allow him to sleep before they get down to real business. Smile

Ooh, that sounds really dirty. Wink

SlapHappy wrote:

I'm getting nervous with anticipation, Nick. Smile

So's the lad. I haven't written to him in a few hours. I'm trying to instill that god-awful feeling of uncertainty, terror and despair combined. Of course, this also means I'm dancing on the edge of the cliff since he could just get fed up with it and fuck off home. But then, that will give me an excuse to say I found a driver and sent him but he couldn't see Mikey. Or Sol himself could make it back to Lagos. In any case, the lad'll believe it's his fault and possible even give me a fourth safari helmet for the same trip. Twisted Evil

Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 5:13 pm

I had previously suggested that my lad take a taxi to Ibadan to meet me. He never did respond to that suggestion, but it looks like he's finally getting tired of waiting.

Dumbass wrote:

Brother i thankful for all your carring and effort, God will reward you.
ok give me the address of the hotel and phone number let me get a taxi that can bring me ok.
Thanks so much

Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 5:17 pm

@ NickTheCop

Quote:

Ooh, that sounds really dirty.

Dirty is good

Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 5:26 pm

^^ Please, not in front of the children. Wink

Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 6:13 pm

Hot off the press.

Quote:

Brother iam very sorry for all the distress I hqve been giving you okay, only God will reward you for me.
Brother can you give me the telephone number of the hotel receptionist so that I can call him or her as soon as I arrive. Why because I don’t know how long the driver will take, so that I will not be keeping you waiting.

Please get back to me now iam still online.

Yours M

Too bad I already went to sleep.

Trophy Videos · Posted: Sat Aug 22, 2009 12:24 pm

Hey, Nick and devil woman. I wasn't thinking of anything dirty at all. I just wanted to plant the image of a nice, soft, comfy bed into the mind of the poor tired boi. You two are bad.

Nick, you are indeed teetering on the edge of a cliff with this lad. Don't push him too far! You are torturing me!! Laughing

Posted: Sat Aug 22, 2009 12:34 pm

SlapHappy wrote:

I wasn't thinking of anything dirty at all.

Playing the innocent role now, are we? Wink

SlapHappy wrote:

Nick, you are indeed teetering on the edge of a cliff with this lad. Don't push him too far!

I know this guy, he's very sulky. If he's going to give up and go home, he'll send Sands the type of e-mail he sent Sol (boo-hoo, God will punish you, I have no penis). And it would be at that point I contact him with some great news such as "the driver is on his way" or Sol getting out of hospital and coming back to Lagos. The short term effect is that he'll hopefully stay there a little longer. The long term goal, though, is to "inspire" him to travel a bit farther. We'll see.

SlapHappy wrote:

You are torturing me!! Laughing

The lad empathizes.

Posted: Sat Aug 22, 2009 1:35 pm

Quote:

"inspire" him to travel a bit farther

I eagerly await the next dirty episode.

Posted: Sat Aug 22, 2009 8:47 pm

It's a funny thing. I'm not a gambling man, not ever. And yet, I decided to shove my lad over to the edge and keep on prodding him every time he tries to regain his balance and move in. It was fun for a few days, although the lad probably disagrees with that statement. In any case, it seems that he finally decided to let himself fall rather than fight me until the end of time.

IP Address: 41.207.162.2 (Togo)

"Arrested" Mugu wrote:

Brother iam in police station right now,I was arrested yesterday day night on my way to meet with you.
The police get hold on me, and they was asking me for resident permite and my international passport.
Brother i have been beging the Gerneral police commander to let me write you so that you can be of help to me. The police ask me to call you if i have your phone number and i told them no, so they take me with thire car to a near by cyber caff.
so that i can be able to contact you.
Brother please help me out, they ask me to pay 50.000 Naira that is in Nigeria corrency.
please you contact the commander on his privat email so that he can set me free from here.
this is his email [censored for now]

brother iam in they station right now.
my father is very sick right now no body to help him to hospital, he call me two days ago.
please help me out of this place.

The police are waiting to hear from you soon.

Yours brother

On the bright side, this looks like it's going to be pretty fun. AND now I can shoot for a fourth identical safari. Wink

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Apr 2007 Posts: 3123

Stellar baiting, Nick!

Keep it up. Very Happy

Trophy Videos · Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2009 1:39 am

This just keeps getting better. Laughing

Arrested!!?? My, my! I think you should have your lawyer write to the lad, and ask what charges he's being held on. And you would like to see the formal arrest paperwork from the Commander! This is an outrage!
The lad is innocent! Very Happy

Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2009 8:53 am

What happened next?

Do you tell the commander that you are intrepol and that he has captured a drug peddling slaver whos is there to steal Togo women?

Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2009 9:32 am

Great bait mate

Very Happy

Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2009 12:06 pm

Craig: Thanks. I only wish I could have provided a less anticlimatic ending to the safari.

Slappy: Funny you should mention that. My response to the commander was a rabid but snidely courteous demand he provide me with all of the formalities so that I can take legal action. Here's an excerpt:

Condescending Sands wrote:

I would very much appreciate it if you could furnish me with your full name and rank, phone number, address of the station where you work at [damn it, I sound like a hillbilly there], and the full police report on my brother. I will contact my lawyer here in Ibadan as soon as I send this e-mail and forward him the aforementioned data as soon as I receive it from you.

Devil: No response yet. I think he's taking a very well deserved break. Razz

Brock: Fine rhyme... uh, um... lime, no... ... gah, fuck it.

Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 11:15 am

After shaking off the safari blues, Mikey replies to me from the desk of Commander Alex Ashiashabiashabor. What a self-praising git.

"Alex" wrote:

Good day Mr.H.D@vid S@nders,

Thanks for you email this morning. My name is Commander Alex Ashiabor I am in charge of Mile2 area police command Lagos state. I arrested your so call brother or Pastor on his way to meet with you at Ibadan, Yes he is a honourable man in deed, I am charging him because he is not a Nigeria. He came in into Nigeria without a passport, no travel document. Nigeria is never a country you can just coming in and begin to do what pleases you. so if you are his brother then you must try and set him free, if not he will be charge to court of justice for entering the country without a travel document, I hope you do what that mean?. I will also love to see you in person to know who you are because he has told me that you are a foreigner, we need your attention immediately in our office. This is what you have to do now to set your brother free if you love him. right now I don’t think he will be able to get in contact with you.

So this what you have to do now, and we will set him free.

(1).You will get him an international passport or a authorisation document from our office, this document will authorize him to stay peacefully and comfortable in our country.

(2).You will pay the sum of 50.000Naira.

(3) You will pay 10.000Naira for the authorisation resident permit.

(4). You will also pay for 7.000Naira for station fee.

This is what you have to do now, between now till Wednesday morning.

This is my private line [censored, thanks Slappy] so you can call me.

My friend I hope you understand me, because I don’t want this case to go far more than this.

Your brother is here crying for you, so get back to me immediately for next fellow up.

Thanks for you understanding as I wait for your quick reply.

My regards,

Mr.Alex Ashi@bor

Naturally, I'll take him up on his offer to meet me in Lagos. Wink

EDIT: 67000 naira is just over $400, for those who care.

Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 7:05 pm

I kept pressuring "Alex" for the address of the police station where he works and the full police report. I though I would make my mugu sweat. Instead, after much "thinking" on his part, he's decided to go for a minimalistic yet creative approach. I'll let him speak for himself.

Mikey wrote:

Brother iam in big problem here now, this men are not police,

They are kidnappers. Brother where iam now is very bad.

They are planning to kill.one of them told me that the have contact you and they told you that the are police.

Brother this men are not police, they are killer. They ask me to tell you that the are not Police.

Brother I will die if you don’t take me out of this men hand.

My father is very sick and my wife is crying everyday and night because she hs not hard from me.

Brother they will kill me.

They ask me to pull of my cloth.

brother please help me do what they ask you to do because they told me that if you contact the police they will kill me and run away.

Brother please get back to me.

Alex wrote:

Ha ha ha ha we are not police men,

I just want to let you know that your brother will die if you don’t cooperate with us.

Let me wound you if you ever try to inform the police you will never see us and you will lose your brother.

So for this reason you will pay USD5000.000 Dollars.

This is a deal we are here with your brother, if you want him to die let us know, so that we can use him for money sacrifices.

Ha ha.

Alex

Idiot

Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 9:04 pm

So what happens to 4th Safari? Can Alex be turned?

Quote:

They ask me to pull of my cloth.

That is a nasty torture! Is your lad getting creative? or is he being helped?

Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 9:07 pm

^^ Just wait until I ask for photographic evidence. Wink

... ...

...on second though, maybe I shouldn't. puke

EDIT:

devil_woman wrote:

Is your lad getting creative? or is he being helped?

Do you mean is he getting help from one of his bois? Unlikely. Both sets of e-mails come from the same IP address and they are always about 10 minutes apart. Confused

Amateur.

Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 9:40 pm

Excellent baiting mate. tell him you will meet him on Lagos lagoon around 6:30pm i am there now and theres a curfew on and everyone seen after 6:30pl gets arrested Twisted Evil

Tell him he can get a water taxi just accross the road from Shopright at Tricks bar

Safari Hat-Trick ("i have heart attack now")	View next topic View previous topic