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Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 5:45 pm

I have begun an exchange with the National Australia Bank concerning some funds I supposedly left on deposit. Here is the initial exchange for your amusement (emphasis added by me, of course):

Quote:

Dear Valued Client,

We are in receipt of an email that you are dead and you ask one MR.JAMES WALTER to come and claim your fundsof the
value of $19,500.000.00 (Nineteen Million Five Hundred Thousand United State Dolars).He has also agreed to pay for the demurrage fee which is £1,870 so I
am informing you to know if you are DEAD OR ALIVE. Incase if you do not reply back before 72hrs we will have no other alternative
than to believe that you are truly dead according to MR. JAMES WALTER.

Furthermore, if you are still alive you can get back to me as fast as you can, take note that everything has been paid for it is
just for the demurrage fee that this MR.JAMES WALTER has agreed to pay. If you refuse to get back to us am afraid we shall realese the fund to him.

If we do not hear from you in 72 hrs time we would collect the money from him that means that he is right that you are dead and
you ask him to come and claim the funds on your behalf as a next of kin.

WE HAVE WITH US A SCAN COPY TO THE SECRET SHOOT WE HAD OF HIM THE VERY DAY HE CAME TO OUR OFFICE TO TABLE TO OUR OFFICE THAT YOU
ARE DEAD,IF YOU NEED IT, WE SCAN IT FOR YOUR VERIFICATION PURPOSES.

NOTE: WE UNDERSTAND THAT THERE ARE FRAUDLENT ACTIVITIES GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD AND IT'S ENIVIRONS SO WE HAVE TO TRANSFER EVERY
TRANSACTION DOWN TO A MORE DECENT GEOGRAPHICAL AREA WHICH IS OUR USA OFFICE.

Please take note that you have been given just three days to get back to us so that we can know if you are alive, and fill the
Information Below.

Name:
House Address:
Mobile Phone Number:
Identification Number if any:

We await your swift response in regard of the notice from MR. JAMES WALTER.

Regards
Managment

Naturally, I responded to clarify my present circumstances:

Quote:

You are correct. I am dead. It happened in a terrible motor vehicle accident on July 3.

Please be aware that I went quickly and did not suffer.

I had a nice funeral on July 7 (unfortunately, closed casket) and am now enjoying 72 sturgeons. (Alas, the Koran has a mis-translation - you get 72 sturgeons, and not 72 virgins. Too bad).

Is there anything I can do for you from this side?

Not to be put off by my demise, the bank responded:

Quote:

Dear Valued Client,

This is to acknowledge the receipt of mail for immediate stoppage to the release of your funds to MR.JAMES WALTER who claims to be your next of kin. We shall immediately stop all payment to MR.JAMES WALTER and forward all copies of his Identity to the Metropolitan Police and the all monitoring bodies over here in the United Kingdom for his arrest.

Due to the incessant rate of scam on the internet nowadays, he might have gained access to your email address to monitor your emails and every transaction which makes him solely believes you have a pending issues which the National Australia Bank
, we deemed it necessary to protect your funds and make sure you have you funds been transferred to you immediately. I will advise you to proceed with the Demurrage fee which is £470 to enable us release your funds to you ASAP as we won't be liable to any theft nor money launderers thereafter.

You are by this letter of notice be advised to expedite action on the demurrage fee of £1,870 (One Thousand Eigth Hundred and Seventy Pounds Sterling) , you have to send all payment to the National Australia Bank
account officer with the following information. Note, all payment should be made by western union or Money Gram money transfer;

GIVING NAME: Ms.Sarah
SURNAME: Anderson
ADDRESS: 88 Wood Street London EC2V 7QQ.

After payment is made, you would be required to send us the Western Union Money Transfer information as it appears on receipt of payment such as Sender's name:
Sender's address:
Mtcn (Money Transfer Control Number)
Amount sent:
Text Question:
Answer:

We take solace in the fact that there is already a solution in sight.

Yours faithfully,

Thanks in advance for banking with us.

Yours in service,

Mr. Xav1er Van V0gts.

Alas, my unfortunate death will complicate this transaction:

Quote:

Sir: As I advised in my previous e-mail, I am currently deceased. There does not seem to be either a Western Union or a Moneygram office at my current location. How should I proceed to pay you the money? Would it be acceptable if I contacted the Executor of my Estate and asked him to handle it?

I hope to establish paranormal communication with the Executor of my estate, and to move forward from there with this bait.

Bruin

Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 5:59 pm

72 sturgeons. Only from the mind of a baiter. clapping

Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 6:02 pm

Actually, the inspiration for that one liner came from Weird Al Yankovic, who sang the (un)forgettable number "Like a Sturgeon".

Bruin

Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 6:14 pm

Quote:

I hope to establish paranormal communication with the Executor of my estate, and to move forward from there with this bait.

Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 6:25 pm

Would this mean there's plenty caviar on the other side? I'd rather have the virgins, don't like caviar

Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 7:54 pm

I will try to incorporate caviar for the Vampire's benefit. I am, also, hoping to introduce the mugu to Oija boards as part of this bait.

Bruin

Posted: Tue Jul 21, 2009 8:05 am

Apparently, according to my cousin in law (who is a Muslim) the 72 virgins thing is an interpretation of "72 raisins of crystal clarity" which is what it actually says.*

Which would be a real dissapointment for your matyr if it turns out to be meant literally and he turns up only to be handed transparent fruit.

Oh as you are on the other side can I ask if they let pets in, like in that "all dogs go to heaven" animated film? It's just I'm worried about my old dog Sam because he was a bit naughty and ate shoes so I'm concerned he might now be chewing up Satan's loafers.

(* although this was at a wedding reception and he was drunk at the time - so he's not a very observant muslim and he could well have been pulling my leg!)

Posted: Tue Jul 21, 2009 9:57 am

The raisins thing is true*. It is apparently a mistranslation of the original Koran. I cannot find a definitive link though so you will have to trust me. Very Happy

Posted: Wed Jul 22, 2009 2:34 pm

Ok, here is an update - the bank is willing to work with my executor to get money out of my estate. So, I have sent the following:

Quote:

Sir: I understand - I will have to request that the executor of my estate do so, since I am currently deceased. I will pass your e-mail on to him and ask him to handle it. You should be hearing from him tomorrow.

By the way, have you ever communicated by Ouija? I would like to establish communication with you through that means. Please advise.

I am hoping to have him buy a Ouija board and try to communicate with my departed soul. In the meantime, my clueless executor will be contacting him tomorrow.

Bruin

Not quite a Newb Joined: 25 Jun 2009 Posts: 20

Maybe you can eventually haunt your lad as well Twisted Evil

Posted: Thu Jul 23, 2009 11:24 am

^^

And add more fun!

Well, how about adding a ghostbusters modality?

Imagine if a baiter said he was Peter Venkman saying he'd come out to (insert scammer's country) and bust the ghost that's haunting his house Smile

That would be awesome if the mugu was really paranoid or superstitious

419Eater is my life Joined: 15 Apr 2009 Posts: 296

There must- MUST- come a point when the lad suddenly thinks to himself "hold on, I'm quite unlikely to be having an email conversation with someone who is actually dead". Surely...

If this bait manages to get as far as talking to the executor, with the main character still dead, then I... I just don't even know what that would do to my brain. I'm holding out hope that he's still not fully understood, but if he's grasped the basic concept, and he's willing to overlook the minor "death" setback...

Shocked

Posted: Thu Jul 23, 2009 2:51 pm

I don't know, Scammy. About a year ago, a baiter on this board baited as a talking penguin, and got away with it for quite some time.

Bruin

Posted: Tue Aug 04, 2009 4:53 pm

UPDATE - I am still baiting this mugu. However, since my baiting character is (unfortunately) deceased, he has been forced to make paranormal contact with the Executor of his Estate ("Albert Und3rtak3r") who is now moving forward on the transaction.

The mugu, who is quite willing to deal with the Executor, is soon going to be introduced to Ouija boards, if this bait goes as planned. After all, telepathic communication between the deceased and his Executor is proving quite difficult......

By the way, the mugu wants me to send him "demur rage fees" which may be quite interesting.

Bruin

Posted: Tue Aug 04, 2009 5:40 pm

Just saw this thread - LOVE it! Laughing

Bruin, you are a master at hilariously entertaining baits.

Btw, I would rather have the caviar (having just come home from Russia, where I ate lots). If you can work caviar into your bait, you will be my hero!

Posted: Tue Aug 04, 2009 6:00 pm

I shall try to put some caviar in . . .. Where did you go in Russia, Cachuma?

Bruin

Posted: Tue Aug 04, 2009 6:01 pm

@BRUIN: oh my this is hilarious!! I baited as a deaded person for a while but it never got this far. Laughing

Hats off to you, I can't wait to see what's next.

I always wanted to (but never did) get to the point of having my physical body dug up from the grave, because the key to my safe-deposit box was buried with me or some such. It would make for some gruesome photochops to send the lad.

Posted: Tue Aug 04, 2009 6:33 pm

BRUIN wrote:

I shall try to put some caviar in . . .. Where did you go in Russia, Cachuma?

Bruin

St. Petersburg and Moscow. Oh, and since you're going to try to work in caviar, howzabout borscht? I ate so much borscht in Russia, I almost turned red. And borscht is just such a funny-sounding word, there's GOT to be a place for it in such a hilarious bait.

Keep it up -- you are a freaking ROCK STAR!!! Laughing

Not quite a Newb Joined: 29 Jun 2009 Posts: 46

Scammy Scameroo wrote:

There must- MUST- come a point when the lad suddenly thinks to himself "hold on, I'm quite unlikely to be having an email conversation with someone who is actually dead". Surely...

If this bait manages to get as far as talking to the executor, with the main character still dead, then I... I just don't even know what that would do to my brain. I'm holding out hope that he's still not fully understood, but if he's grasped the basic concept, and he's willing to overlook the minor "death" setback...

Shocked

He knows he's being fucked with but he wants the money.

Posted: Wed Aug 05, 2009 1:54 am

my characters have met with many accidents, but none of them has actually died yet. Will definitely have to try that.

Posted: Wed Aug 05, 2009 2:45 pm

Junebug - - The good thing about a death involving your character is that you can then use it to introduce other characters and complications. The executors of your estate, your spouse, your banker, whatever! Whoever the new character is, they need to be totally clueless....the mugu will have to start over from scratch.

Jack- I think you are greatly over-estimating mugus.

Bruin

Posted: Wed Aug 05, 2009 5:21 pm

@Jack - Well I once baited as a cat who only spoke in Lolcat and after about 10 exchanges of mail the lad finally asked to speak to my owner Smile

And that's without mentioning my genetically engineered intelligent horse character who is forever complaining about his fetlocks and how his groom doesn't brush his mane properly. Or the dragon who speaks mediaeval English and composes poetry. Or Spot's Andy the Elephant. Or Thomas the Tank's mathematical genius three-toed sloth. Or...

Anyhoo I got an email with the subject "LISTEN IF YOU NO THAT YOU ARE NOT DEAD GET BACK IMMEDIETLY" today as well so:

Quote:

Greeting David

I regret to inform you that the person you are trying to contact, Mr Steven Hester, is dead. My name is Bodil Joensen and I am a spirit medium who speaks with the souls of the dear departed.

I saw your email and reached out into the spirit world where Mr Hester contacted me from beyond the veil and asked me to respond to this letter to inform you of his death. He would like the money to be sent to his wife and children in England. Can you arrange for that to happen please as it would ease the torment of his troubled soul.

Blah blah blah send name address passport scan blah...

Quote:

Thank you for your reply. As I mentioned I am a spirit medium and I am communicating with the soul of the dear departed, a Mr Steven Hester.

I understand from a conversation I had with the late Mr Hester he wishes the money to be given to his family but Mr Hester has not been able to communicate their address to me but I get an image of fish and chips, cricket and warm beer so I think they are in England. Mr Hester was a banker by profession and passed over in early 2009 when he was attacked by a rampaging mob at an anti-capitalist demonstration, I sense that he was 56 when he passed over if that helps.

I will be conducting another seance tonight and I will see if I can get Mr Hester to reveal his family address using the Ouija board.

Posted: Wed Aug 05, 2009 5:21 pm

I love your bait, but if the coran talk about 72 virgins, did it say they where female virgins? otherwise it could be true, i mean it could be 72 virgin surgeons Laughing

Posted: Wed Aug 05, 2009 8:50 pm

Sunshine- Brilliant!! Can the mugu participate by long distance in the seance? In other words, at a certain preset hour (3:00 AM wherever he is, unfortunately), he can photograph or record himself meditating and chanting to help contact the departed?

Diablo - Alas, I fear my mugu is not Moslem - he did not pick up on that one liner. I must remember the bit about raisins for future use, however.

Bruin

Posted: Wed Aug 05, 2009 10:29 pm

Junebug - Bruin's right, character death is a fun thing. I had a lotto lad that my character fell in love with, and turned it into a romance-cum-lotto bait. Lad promised my character that he would love her till the end of time. Then my character got hit by a bus, and her sister took over the communication, wanting to get those lotto millions. SHE then fell in love with the lad. It was fun to watch how quickly he forgot the love of his life, so he could fall in love with Big Sis and continue trying to get fees out of her.

Eventually SHE got hit by a bus, and Mom took over. At that point he twigged...but I was kinda hoping to keep it going. Mom gets hit by a bus, Auntie takes over...Auntie gets hit by a bus, Niece takes over. I might even have worked in the rogue bus driver who kept killing off family members! Laughing

Sunshine - LOVE it! Someone else did a medium-communicating-with-dead-vic modality once, but I can't remember who it was. Oh, the possibilities are so rich!

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