Mangled English as an Art Form

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Posted: Thu May 14, 2009 7:32 pm

Every now and then we all come across some lad letters that raise mangled English to an art form. Feel free to add your own contenders for Mangled English as an Art Form. Maybe we can make a sort of unofficial "beauty contest" of sorts out of it.

Here's my submission.

I've been straight-baiting a "Western Union" official who becomes a Rembrandt of gibberish whenever he gets the slightest bit off script.

I thought you might like a taste. At first, he manages some semblance of cogency:

Quote:

My good friend you didn’t understand what i mean, I said that you shed goes ahead to any western union office and wire the activation fee, which is amount of $ 220usd to enable the transfer to been take places once is tomorrow moring on my own time...

; however he's only primed the pump. I responded with more misunderstanding of his instructions.

Quote:

Dear sir,

I followed your instruction and went to the WU office. there was no $220 payment for me with the question "Western Union" and the answer "sky." Did you send the $220? Why are you playing tricks?

This generated more agitation:

Quote:

My dear every thing has been colluded today but the problem we having now is the activation so we needed to activate fee. Because the fund they is $2.1 million usd,
So what you have to do now go ahead to any western union make the activate fee immediately you receive this email, which is$ 220usd, once you make this payment you been receiving you’re fund every day by day as we told you ever before in our email

He can smell the money, but is frustrated because I can't seem to follow his instructions:

Quote:

My bother are you sure that you the rely prison who owns this fund? But you sound, as you not rely prison, our off ice here needed you payment sleep once you receiver this Emil to be sure. you has to send us needed fee Immediately.

OK, so far it's typical, but this guy is just warming up. Here's my reply:

Quote:

Oh. I did not understand. OK. Please resend the money in the morning and I will foloow your instructions. Have a good night and a good rest. Sleep well my friend.

His mangle factor begins to increase as he becomes more frustrated. He replies:

Quote:

Listen care fluey okay, I told you this before and you didn’t understand again you have to payment activation fee which is $220usd before your money will be send to you most send us the needed fee before receive first payment

"care fluey?" I was imagining his difficulty was due to him using an on-line translation program, but this makes it obvious that he is attempting to write phonetically based on his own linguistic level.

I decide to keep misunderstanding, and I toss in a hint at my own poverty and desperate situation to add some color:

Quote:

I understand. There is a fee to send the money, right?
Get the first payment and then take the activation fee
from that amount. Send me whatever is left over.

Thanks again. I am very excited about this. My grand-
son is very sick and this money might save his life or
at least help reduce his suffering.

Well he wouldn't want to take medical care from a sick child, would he? Of course he would. He senses my need and bursts forth with twisted syntax that would win a Nobel Prize were they awarded for that category:

Quote:

Can you just give me ahead other to look for sun once ext to pay the fee needed and later the person will composite? Since can afford the $220usd,

Seriously, what the Hell does that mean? I reply with just that question. He replies:

Quote:

Renumber that I told on my email ever before that you sound if you not rely person who owns this fund and didn’t answer the question. The office needed your payment sleep then is know way I can pack any money out of it okay. I device to move to any western union around you and may the payment immediately you receive this email

Well I'm still going back and forth with the lad. I don't know whether he's peaked yet. If he comes up with more gems, I'll gladly post them too.

Posted: Thu May 14, 2009 7:35 pm

Those are definitely some beauts. Have you been writing him BACK in mangled English? I love doing that - it gets them so twisted around, they don't know which end is up! Laughing

Posted: Thu May 14, 2009 7:37 pm

Great idea Chachuma. No, so far the only mangled English I have sent him is what I provide via my own genuine mistakes.

Posted: Thu May 14, 2009 7:39 pm

Great stuff Lehigh!

I figure with lads like these, if I write back in English I'm educating them. So I create my own Manglish replies with multibabel. Never work harder than your lad!

ETA here is what Cachuma really said:

Cachuma with a concussion wrote:

So some Beauts is sure. You had written in the posterior part on the English cripple? I can make that - therefore it reaches it has turned around, its don' T knows, ché extremity is in the increase!

Posted: Thu May 14, 2009 7:40 pm

Excellent Point bohigal!

Posted: Thu May 14, 2009 7:51 pm

I had one who wanted me to receive his "truck box" for him. I kept explaining to him that I already had a box on the back of my truck, but that I would never be so stupid as he was to put family valuables in it. He never did change the spelling of "truck box".

Posted: Thu May 14, 2009 7:54 pm

bohigal wrote:

Great stuff Lehigh!

I figure with lads like these, if I write back in English I'm educating them. So I create my own Manglish replies with multibabel. Never work harder than your lad!

ETA here is what Cachuma really said:

Cachuma with a concussion wrote:

So some Beauts is sure. You had written in the posterior part on the English cripple? I can make that - therefore it reaches it has turned around, its don' T knows, ché extremity is in the increase!

Well, waddaya expect from someone typing with her elbows?? Wink

Bohigal makes an excellent point: one of our most important objectives as baiters is lad de-education. Writing to them in mangled English serves two purposes: 1) it ensures we don't help them improve their Engish skills, and 2) it's FUN! Very Happy

Posted: Thu May 14, 2009 8:07 pm

bohigal wrote:

Great stuff Lehigh!

I figure with lads like these, if I write back in English I'm educating them. So I create my own Manglish replies with multibabel. Never work harder than your lad! ...

[/quote]

"Manglish!" I love it!

Not quite a Newb Joined: 08 May 2009 Posts: 26

There are also a number of on-line translators that will translate into Klingon, Vulcan, or Romulan for you.

One is here:
http://www.mrklingon.org/

Posted: Thu May 14, 2009 8:31 pm

I love the Manglish but suggest that you put a little more meat on the hook. Tell him your church congregation had a special offering and collected $47,500.00 for your grandson's treatment. You have just cashed the check and it should pay for his treatments.

Quote:

The great news, my gathering of church installed special offering and the generous people gave $47,500.00 for my grandson' processing of S. I just cashed the cheque and it should pay its processing.

Posted: Thu May 14, 2009 9:22 pm

Does this count as a Manglish variant? Bradley Morrihan is not happy with a verbose Lad:

Quote:

Yuo took a whole lot of time telling me sqaut, and then theres this stuff abuot the High Cuort, what are they diong getting involved in this, how can any bloody cuort be relevant to bank business, then yuo imply that the poeple at my bank are corrupt, how bloody dare yuo, I dont care how bent they might be in Africa, yuo just keep a civil tongeu in yuor haed, and thats final!
Another thing, yuo talked abuot fees, what the bleu blazes am I paying for, yuo havent done anything yet.

Posted: Thu May 14, 2009 10:19 pm

Personally I still think the LOLcat baits were the absolute funniest use of Manglish I've ever seen. Darn it, who was was the brilliant baiter that started that? I just about fell down laughing, and then started doing LOLcat baits myself! I had a few that ran for weeks before the lads finally threw their hands up in the air in frustration and walked away.

Will the original brilliant LOLcat baiter please stand up? My early-onset Alzheimers seems to be kicking in and I can't remember who it was...

Posted: Fri May 15, 2009 6:09 am

^^^ Sunshine? Very Happy

I can has mugu?

Posted: Fri May 15, 2009 7:55 am

Guilty as charged Smile

One technique I use when dealing with a lad whose grasp on the English language is tenuous at best is to go into arcane english overdrive using the most complex words possible (including some I made up for de-education purposes).

I baited as a dragon for a while who had a rather medaeval and poetic take on the English language: http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=151325

Posted: Fri May 15, 2009 9:47 am

Nice idea 'Manglish' as an art form... Here's an intersting phenomona for natural English speakers -

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!lol:) Smile

419Eater is my life Joined: 08 Aug 2008 Posts: 475

Maybe humans are not that different in different cultures,

Quote:

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can....

works in German too, very well.
And also to produce a good Manglish is not problem four ours.

Posted: Fri May 15, 2009 1:17 pm

I could've phrased that better Wink

- I meant anybody that has a reasonable grasp of English... It is quite surprising how easily it can still be read though

Posted: Fri May 15, 2009 1:48 pm

Another lazy way I generate Manglish is to randomly paste other lads' responses as my own. A surprising number of lads don't even notice, but they're probably only looking for the words money, Western Union, or payment.

I must pimp what NTBS is doing with Manglish in this thread. He's taken it to new heights and may get a dolla chop out of it to boot.

Posted: Fri May 15, 2009 3:05 pm

Quote:

It is quite surprising how easily it can still be read though

Screen readers have a fit, though. Mine is still spitting out consonants and moaning vowels. Wink

Posted: Fri May 15, 2009 4:09 pm

Connie L. Gus wrote:

for my grandson' processing of S

That's actually got me crying with laughter. Laughing

Posted: Fri May 15, 2009 4:14 pm

Sunshine! That's right, apologies for forgetting... Embarassed

I'm still laughing...

In fact, I'm going to go start up a few LOLcat baits right now, in your honor!

Posted: Sat May 16, 2009 12:39 am

Quote:

KINDLY FEEL YOUR FURM FIRST THEN I WILL DIRECT WHAT TO DO

Posted: Mon May 18, 2009 5:08 pm

I have to know, what is an LOLCAT bait?

419Eater is my life Joined: 08 Aug 2008 Posts: 475

^ lolcats bait ?
up some posts dora the extrematora has posted links to the pages, where 'sunshine' has introduced the lolcat way of manglish - baiting (can I has mugu?)

and regarding

Quote:

I could've phrased that better- I meant anybody that has a reasonable grasp of English...

I meant that the principle of recognizing the meaning works the same also in german, for example. and I guess, in other languages too.

Posted: Mon May 18, 2009 5:29 pm

The key to a successful lolcat bait is to use a lolcat speech generator:

http://speaklolcat.com/

This is all just in silly fun. Wink

It's certainly not the most effective baiting modality - yer probably not gonna get any safaris or trophies out of it - but what you WILL get is the hilarious entertainment value of watching your lads get all frustrated trying to communicate with a CAT! Laughing

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