The Official Valentine's Day Thread

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Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 6:08 pm

***WARNING, THIS THREAD MAY BE IN DANGER OF BECOMING STICKY, WITH POETRY THAT MAY CAUSE FEELINGS OF NAUSEA TO THOSE WITH LESS LOVING AND SENSITIVE NATURES THAN DOC AND DRAMAQUEEN SHARE. PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS POEM IF YOU DIDN'T LIKE THE MOVIE KANDAHAR, OR WITH A BEVERAGE IN YOUR HAND, OR EXCESSIVE FOOD IN YOUR STOMACH****

The lads they send their solicitation,
offering gajillions from African nations,
their brothers uncles nephew has died,
and to get the money out they surely have tried,
But, this is the month you and I are cyber eater valentines groom and bride.

Barrister, banker and pastors may offer their assistence,
through longthy pleas, with pitiful persistence,
but forms, photos, trophies and safaris galore,
I have loved them all, but I love you more.

Flags are easy to find and fun to collect,
But your YIM technique is absolutely perfect.
The overtures to me made you vulnerable and open,
That recipocated love, for which you were hoping,
has been returned, and more, I may have upped the ante,
I would share my valentine with you,
in a castle or a shanty.

Now, I could send you my love,
via Parcel Direct,
But it would certainly get misplaced,
and be hard to collect,
and we could meet for a romantic union at a $imb@ $@fari ¢amp
(I have the keys, that Simbas a champ!),
But I won't take the chance, the shuttle keeps breaking
That we'd be stuck out their on the curb sitting there waiting.

We could donate a fake cheque to be cashed in Accra at the Prudential Bank,
Sending lad to a Ghanaian jail is a wonderully clever prank,
But best of all is to meet right here in this thread
though meeting at YIM, might be more fun, instead,
for surely some wit will say it soon,
"Okay, you two, go get a room"
And the things we might say (if you promise not to post them up here),
Are those things of love you only share with one who is dear.

Now you worry that your expressions of love might somehow make me mad,
and you said that if I rejected you that you would be terribly sad,
But nothing you have done could ever be considerd bad,
and catching your eye has made my heart warm, and I feel nothing but glad.

So, I am working, and hoping, that some day, real soon,
There willl be a greedy little lad, running all over Cameroon,
with happy dreams of unearned wealth and fabulous riches,
In the end he will be reduced, to going home empty pocketed, shame faced,
with unsightly nervous twitches.

Doc and Dramaqueen, bathed in the light of supreme baiting love,
A good fit, like sock to foot, or hand to glove.
So, yes, My Queen, (through Valentines and beyond, my love is never ending,
and in your Honour, al lad on safari I hope to soon be sending.

With an abiding affection,

I remain,

as ever,

and always,

Your valentine love,

Doc

Baiting Guru Joined: 03 May 2007 Posts: 18313

@Ghost:

Wow.

@Snerd: Embarassed

:sigh:

Thank you both. Very Happy

I am very touched and thrilled to have such wonderful men wooing me for Valentine's Day.

Lotta, may I please have two Valentines?? Pretty please?

Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 6:48 pm

Polyandry is probably not against any Eater Law, but what do I know? I lucked out this year, and was chosen by a Queen, so, sorry all you other eater ladies, but I am taken, heart, soul and sig line...

Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 7:38 pm

I'm not into that flowery la-ti-da talk. I'm not shy to say it and will get right to the point. Love can be bought. This is for any man who is brave enough to step forward to claim me:

Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 7:59 pm

I was going to invite Special_K, Corona and Eight to share my tropical beach side house, but after last year, I decided to hell with all the grovelling and bickering and I'm asking Harry, Slightly, Jojo and Prof to come on over for a weeks fishing and drinking. Razz

I might include JMR and TSnerd Very Happy

Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 8:02 pm

I guess Just Jane will have to be my Valentine. With an offer like that, how can I refuse?

Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 8:12 pm

JustJane.

Put the puppy in a sack, weigh it down with bricks and throw it in the canal and you got a deal.

By the way. American "football" sucks. But don't worry. I'll sell the tickets to Harry Ballsack for an inflated price (he's dumb enough to pay it).

Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 8:23 pm

irish, I will always love you, V-day or not! Wink

Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 8:29 pm

Corona

I'll keep you on the list Corona, and take the Squirrel off, pity, we were going to use him for fish bait.

Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 8:34 pm

^^^

I love Don's rose and thank you. Wink

Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 8:35 pm

@SSA: Well it looks like we got a deal then. It was the Glock wasn't it? I'll have my courier company send the stuff right over Wink

@Slightly: I'll send you over a bottle of the single malt as a consolation prize. Truly I did look for World Cup tickets but didn't find any. Maybe next year?

Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 8:38 pm

Jane, sounds like a deal. Can you have your barrister send over the paperwork? Make sure it is properly stamped with an RSOT and noseprints, ok?

Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 8:50 pm

Drats, you started without me. There will be consequences.

Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 9:45 pm

DoraTheExplorer

Others may offer their hearts to you but they're just fraud stars trying to confuse you. My feelings for you are genuine and 100% risky free. In order to make you mine I have had the EFCC detain and torture Boots. And Swiper? I doused him in gasoline and set him on fire to symbolize the fire that rages in the depths of my soul when I think of you. I'm not really sure who Diego is, but just to be safe he's sleeping with the fishes. Oh, and if there are any more characters on the show I'll bring them harm in your name, too.

Whatever Dan says to you will be rubbish. You should slap his face off his face just for thinking he could call you his. I will crucify him. Real bad. When it comes to dancing I'm the Fred Astair to his Fred West. When it comes to everything else I'm the Chuck Norris to his Mr. Bean.

In short, you are awesome. I am awesome. Let's do this.

Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 9:46 pm

Just Jane, that offer was severely tempting, but... when you have true love... so, I wish you and SSA a wonderful bonding experience.

Baiting Guru Joined: 03 May 2007 Posts: 18313

@BluthBanana: Torturing Boots is a horrible way to try to win over Dora. Shocked

@Ghost and Snerd: I'm still smitten by both of your posts. Embarassed

Lotta has not replied to my request for rule breaking. Crying or Very sad

Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 9:55 pm

@Irish, that sounds like a plan. I'll start getting the "dates" assembled. I'm thinking a "large" woman for jojo, a sex crazed transvestite midget for Slightly, and I'll talk to Heff to get some bunnies for the rest of us. Should I bring the usual supply of "corn squeezin's" ? Don't forget Razor. Last year we had a hell of a time there.

@Doc and the rest of you limp wristed "poets".............
puke

ETA: There is only one woman who could make me change my mind. I won't say who it is, but here's a hint. A cat puking in a toilet. How could that not turn me on?

Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 10:47 pm

Bluth:

You certainly know how to get my attention, that's for sure. And you posted before Dan, so you get points for that. Wink

Can I ask for a few favors while I consider? Please have the EFCC release Boots. He is my dear friend and I have been wondering where he was lately. I would be most appreciative. (If they need an animal in exchange, there is a crazy squirrel running around here that not many would miss.)

Also, Diego is my cousin. He is totally harmless; an animal rescuer along with his sister, Alicia. Kind of do-gooder, PETA-person. Annoying, but he doesn't need to be sleeping with the sea-kittens.

Swiper? Well, he is the most terrible of them all. But to keep him away, all you need to say is "Swiper no swiping, swiper no swiping, swiper no swiping!" and he will say "Oh man!" and leave us alone. No need to set him afire.

I do think you are so sweet. And we can see how well you dance next week? Please keep woo'ing. The best man will win.

Very Happy

N.B. Nice pic of gown-up Dora.

Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 11:13 pm

DoraTheExplorer wrote:

If they need an animal in exchange, there is a crazy squirrel running around here that not many would miss.

I guess I forgive you for your ignorance. You're obviously not aware that there ain't no party like an S Club party. And the S stands for "Squirrel".

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=-X0EjwF8o0g

Beats the shit out of any crappy poem posted here by the losers that have so far inhabited this thread (ie: Irish).

And if that's not enough to sway you, Jojo said I could use the video he made with his last girlfriend (definitely a tranny).

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=wX2bjYmUM5U

Unfortunately, he's piled on the pounds since he made it.

Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 12:00 am

I'd make my pitch for the woman of my dreams here (you know who you are Wink

) but I'm still suffering from the trauma of losing my last year's Valentine. I can't risk that happening to the woman I so fervently desire now, so instead I will just sit all alone in my opulently appointed palatial mansion doing sensitive, manly things and keeping my aching loneliness to myself. I don't want to be a burden. Honest. It's okay, I'll be fine. *Sigh.* But what will I do with these flowers? And the Dom Perignon and strawberries? And the hot tub under the shimmering stars? And the roaring fire next to the sumptuous, plush rug and silken robes? I guess I'll just have to drink this bottle of Rémy Martin by myself...

Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 12:02 am

Secret film from the mods tryout auditions Prof, Slightly and Jojo trying to impress the judging panel

http://nz.youtube.com/watch?v=eP6Qe9G2iho&feature=related

@ Harry, sounds good to me, better go dig JMR up again, he's still got the caravan to use for the beer and drum session. Very Happy

@ Corona, Bring Big Yellow and a case of Corona, Wink

Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 1:07 am

DoraTheExplorer

Choose me and you shall be treated like the goddess that you are.

Oh, and Boots and Diego have been released. Remember, just say the word and them or anyone else will be dealt with.

Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 1:13 am

Thank you everyone for your PM's. I haven't decided yet... Now if I could only get an offer from a woman.

Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 1:14 am

Whatever Irish.
Continue on this futile path of denigrating my good character just because you want something you can't have. Namely me.

Oh you'll be crying my name at night and sobbing into your pillow when the day comes (just as you do every night). But know for a fact, that any woman here who asks for you to be her Valentine is doing so out of pity.
A turd is a turd, Irish. It doesn't matter how much perfume you spray on it, it remains to all intents and purposes, shite. You can wash and brush up as much as you like, try and hide behind that fake veneer of being a member of the human race, but never forget there are those of us here that know you are simply nothing more than just a piece of crap.

Now ladies. Who's up for sharing this squirrel's nuts?

Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 1:36 am

crazy squirrel wrote:

I guess I forgive you for your ignorance. You're obviously not aware that there ain't no party like an S Club party. And the S stands for "Squirrel".

I wanted to watch your videos, but this computer won't let me. Since you "guess" you forgave me of my "ignorance" I felt it was the least I could do. You won't believe the things I have been doing to just get a peek at them. Embarassed

But I did them willingly to show that I am willing to give a crazy squirrel a chance. And now I understand how much fun a Squirrel Club party can be!

Please forgive me for offering you up in exchange for Boots. I don't know what I was thinking. If Boots gets taken again, maybe I will offer the Prof instead.

Very Happy

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