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Hello I'm New here! Joined: 02 Oct 2008 Posts: 10

“How can you not know this!” was the last inflammatory question I asked. There had been a month of thin letters coming from our creditors. I know what those letters usually are. I'm not perfect with credit and slip a payment now and again. But things were not adding up. We still went out to dinner, his suggestion. He makes good money and has been letting me get my own business going. Surely he would not let me if we were in trouble.
We lost $15,000 we didn't even have. “I’m stupid I guess”. The barrage of questions from me couldn’t be stopped. I turned off the TV and began to draw out months of information. I instantly knew the Nigerian Email Scam when I heard it. Again “How can you not know this? We saw it on 60 minutes!” I downed two more vodka martinis and they weren’t phasing me. He went to bed.

I woke up at 3:30 with a headache and went downstairs to take some aspirin and sit with the dogs. Sometimes when I think and maybe pray a little, an answer comes. I decided, like it or not, I’d investigate his email.

I logged in and the story began to open up. As recent as yesterday he was still trying to get his money. I clicked through the inbox, then the sent box, deleted mail and separate folders. So, many contacts were involved. A woman in Iraq, another in the military, and countless Drs, Lawyers, Nigerians, and Englishmen. Letters from the US Government threatening to “Storm” our home. To me they were all laughable scam attempts. To him, they were honest pleas and dangerous threats. He had relationships with these people, calling them friends and wishing them well. The number of emails was so large that it had to take enormous amounts of time, like a second job or an obsession. “How can you not know this’ runs over and over in my mind.

I’m not sure if I will be a ScamBaiter. I’m not mad enough yet and still in denial but once I get a good night’s sleep I’ll probably be back and read your tips and posts. It’s now almost noon with 8 hours already spent on email detective work. We have case numbers with the FTC and the local state police. We’ve called the holders of the auto loan and the mortgage. They have given us some leeway on payment. I have more than enough credit available to satisfy the immediate need, at 18%. Thank the Bank that he could not get into our home equity. We can get out of the hole with some credit juggling and hard work but most of all we have to have open honest communication.

Our biggest hurdle is going to be our relationship. How do I get him to trust me to tell me when he screws up? Trust me to not go crazy or to leave? I think that working and communicating together will be our greatest challenge. Any advice in that area would be helpful.

ARKM

Posted: Thu Oct 02, 2008 8:08 pm

I'm sorry for your ordeal. PM me if I can be of any help.

The biggest risk now is probably follow up scams. There's a good overview of those on our sister site ScamWarners.com: Here.

419Eater is my life Joined: 22 Sep 2008 Posts: 381

AreYouKiddingMe wrote:

How do I get him to trust me to tell me when he screws up? Trust me to not go crazy or to leave? I think that working and communicating together will be our greatest challenge. Any advice in that area would be helpful.

Just a thought: Take him (husband, boyfriend, etc.) and make Baiting a hobby that both of you can share. He may have gotten you into trouble on his own, and there's probably no good way out of that trouble, but you can both take vengeance together. Let that be the source of a bond between you. Take the anger out on the people who really deserve it...the lads.

Posted: Thu Oct 02, 2008 8:38 pm

He's one of millions to have bought it, and no doubt he thought he was doing something great for you, so take it easy on him. It's not easy to admit you've been taken, hard enough to admit to yourself, far less a partner you're supposed to be taking care of.

You have my sympathy, but this isn't the best place to ask for that kind of advice, in all honesty. Scamwarners would be a better place to start.

Posted: Thu Oct 02, 2008 9:37 pm

Welcome to Eater. Sorry it's for the reasons that happened.

Don't feel obliged to become a baiter, although if you do you will have great resources at your fingertips with the great members here.

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 02 Oct 2008 Posts: 10

Not being hard on him, we have to help each other. I think he feels relieved that I am taking care of the stuff he doesn't know how to do.
I could not have carried the weight of the pressure that was on him.
Today is putting out fires, canceling email accounts and closing bank accounts. He's gladly moving to a joint email account that I monitor. I got some advice from an accountant friend that had the same thing happen.

Im looking forward to reading the stickies.

Elite Baiter Joined: 19 Jan 2008 Posts: 1043

the stickies are fun, you'll love them. After them, you might want to peruse the library that is Eater-U. The straight baiting guide is very in depth, but it contains everything you would ever want to know about it's topic. Skim reading the others will give you an overview of everything else we do here.

^^ That, however, is a giant pile of reading (I love to read, but even for me it would be a bit much for one sitting) so my suggestion is to get stuck in. Sign up for a new gmail account (with all fake details), take a few email addresses from surplus and go to town.

As has been said, your spouse was probably thinking how much better he could make both of your lives. I hope you get through this quickly and he learns from it. I'm glad he has you to help him follow up on this, but i'll warn you all the same. The money is gone, you will never see it again, no matter what anybody tells you.
I've read of scammers sending old victims (fake) cheques to cash as proof of their ability to get your money back... For a small fee.

Stay bless, i hope you stick around. We're quite a nice bunch really.

Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2008 1:28 am

Welcome to the facility AreYouKiddingMe!

I'm glad that you found out about this and sorry you lost money. Hope you two stick around as we have a lot of fun, plus there is loads of brainy people here.

Here is a few of them on the lawn, most of them stay tanked and don't act right.

Edit to add my laughing emoticon.

419Eater is my life Joined: 14 Jul 2004 Posts: 281

First thing is to end the denial, and you can end that by trying to stop him from feeling too ashamed. You'd be amazed how many intelligent people fall for these scams everyday. Once taken by the scam denial comes in and they'll believe almost anything in hopes of getting their money back. Though you will likely never see the money again, but there are things you can take from this experience and become stronger from it. PM a moderator, there are those that can help possibly get the bastards who took advantage of your significant other. The information you provide could possibly lead to some real results and saving many more from their scams...I've seen it before. I would also check out the trophy room...it might make you feel a little better. 419eater as a community is here for three reasons, to waste the time and resources of the perpetrators of these scams, to bring attention to the problems these scams bring, and to offer a venue for victims to get advice and support where none is available anywhere else. ...and maybe a little revenge if one feels the need.

Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2008 9:17 am

They are the lowest of the low, they abuse peoples trust and good nature. Although its a negative that this happened, you should also see a positive that he is such a good natured person as to want to help people he hardly knows. Smile

Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2008 10:52 pm

AreYouKiddingMe added the following, but inadvertently started a new thread:

AreYouKiddingMe wrote:

Day after the fraud ended,I slept like a rock last night and didn’t wake up until 8:30. A big difference from yesterday. My spouse is not convincing me that he really gets it. He admits corresponding with these people was like a gambling addiction. The next roll of the dice, the next payment would land a jackpot. I gave him a print out of something I found on AARP or one of the other sites I saw, that was a carbon copy of the events that transpired. I tried to give him examples such as these 20 odd people were probably in the boiler room, like a call center and none of them were who or where they claimed to be. “ most likely” and “probably” are not what I need to hear. “Absolutely” is what I need to hear. Can you direct me to additional compelling examples?

We canceled the email account, he is going to get his work email changed, the scammers have a phone number but it is practically impossible for them to find us physically. We don’t have home mail delivery and are very rural and armed! Even me. I was enjoying the idea that these scum were getting bounced emails and wondering “were is my Good Friend?” We reported it to all the suggested authorities which won’t get our money back but we need the case numbers to get new ID and get some relief from the creditors. Most have been very understanding.

Nonetheless, I agree that for us to bait these people would be dangerous. My stomach flipped at the idea of it. While I’m babysitting our joint email account daily, at his request, I’ll play around with this site and see where it goes. I’m involved in a monthly publishing project that takes about 3 weeks of my time a month and easily distracted. I can see this 419 Eater would be great sport but I have budget the time. I bet it makes one a better writer and more imaginative. I can use that. Looking back through the ream of e-mails I printed off, I can see how the scammers worked him over. Great script for a Stephen King movie.

One reply from this forum commented about his empathy and that is so very true. I’m not beating him over head with this goof up (as the Secret Service agent wondered) and I think we are finding solutions together to recuperate and prevent another occurrence. How do you know that members here aren’t scammers in training?

419Eater is my life Joined: 14 Jul 2004 Posts: 281

I replied in the other thread, so I'll repost it here:

Quote:

How do you know that members here aren’t scammers in training?

We don't. But scammers are generally lazy and self absorbed. Infiltrating and spying takes time and patience...they have little of either. Plus that would be one informed scammer among a sea of thousands. I'm with ya on the the "probably" not being the right answer. Hopefully in time that answer gets more definite. Do you know what the original letter was? I'm betting it was pretty common. I'm sure we could provide hundreds of similar e-mails from proven scammers.

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 02 Oct 2008 Posts: 10

Yes it was the usual- a "Dr" with marginal command of the English language, telling a convoluted story about distant relative, a car crash, no European relatives, leaving the money for my spouse. It came in plain text format with the UK spelling such as "..our" "Send your personal info...." You know the letter. I get 4 a week. After that one was exchanged for a few rounds the others started. A sick girl, a military solder trying to get money out of the Middle East, clergy..... They were lining up. No money was sent to those individuals but the emails caused another seperate and serious converstation. Those hurt worse than the original money scam and was a real wake up call about getting too comfortable.

I went to the bank today, I know the manager so I didn't have to tell the story twice. She said she sees 10 customers a week with similar issues. Mostly elderly but she claimed she had severel professionals in the last few months. I also talked to the chamber of commerce about scheduling a Keynote presentation about security and safe internet usage. Our BBB has a canned presentation that needs some sprucing up to be interesting. I dont think people are listening.

419Eater is my life Joined: 14 Jul 2004 Posts: 281

Quote:

Can you direct me to additional compelling examples?

Besides the ones you get everyday in your mailbox, what kind of compelling examples you looking for?

Posted: Sat Oct 04, 2008 3:01 am

www.scamwarners.com, as mentioned earlier in the thread, has samples, and victim reports of every scam we deal with

Feel free to browse and use.

Posted: Sat Oct 04, 2008 4:11 am

Quote:

I also talked to the chamber of commerce about scheduling a Keynote presentation about security and safe internet usage. Our BBB has a canned presentation that needs some sprucing up to be interesting. I dont think people are listening.

Good for you! Education is the best preventive "medicine" for internet fraud.

You have a PM. Smile

Posted: Sat Oct 04, 2008 6:46 am

AreYouKiddingMe
there are many ways you can help without baiting,
education is one of the main ways and I see that is in hand.
you can post scam mails you get in 'surplus' for others to deal with if they wish.
also if you and your other half read some of the baits here it will make you feel a lot better

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 02 Oct 2008 Posts: 10

I think the trophy room is a good place to take disbelievers. Here is Sister Mary, Here is Dr Beluga, and here is the lovely Aimmie with the gangreen in Bosnia.

I didnt get the house cleaned , I'm too fixated on this stuff, my eyes are about to fall out and Im still in my sweats and its time to get dinner ready. Yikes.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 15 Jan 2006 Posts: 62

Welcome to 'eater. Say goodbye to your free time:)

Posted: Sun Oct 05, 2008 4:23 am

AreYouKiddingMe wrote:

I’m not sure if I will be a ScamBaiter.

AYKM, it looks like from your post above you are well on your way to becoming a baiter! Very Happy

You have all of the classic signs listed in your post! Wink

I too am sorry for the rude introduction you had to scams. Thank you for sharing your story. Situations like yours need to be shared here, it keeps the "fire in the belly" and lets skeptics know why we do what we do.

I am glad you are here. Cool

edited due to spelling err

Posted: Sun Oct 05, 2008 4:34 am

Thanks for joining our forum AreYouKiddingMe. I was compelled to read your original post 3 times. 419 Eater and the resulting baiting are very addictive. If there is anything I can do, let me know via the PM function. Wink