Zippy the Chimp vs. Bello Adeyemi

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Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 2:28 pm

So I was talking with Jojo and the Professor. We all agree that we are getting a little burned out. So we decided to come up with something that is a bit simpler, different than what we normally do, and hopefully a bit funnier.

Introducing, <a href="http://www.securewebdata.com/zippythechimp" target="_blank">Zippy the Chimp</a>.

Zippy received an email from FedEx manager Bello Adeyemi. Bello has a million dollar check for Zippy from a guy named Mr. Randy. Naturally, as with all FedEx shipments, you need to pay FedEx via Western Union to receive checks of this size, even if you have a corporate account with Western Union.

While Zippy was excited about the news of the check, Zippy also had other ideas.

Quote:

Dear Bello,

I was thinking about something. I hope that you can help me. Since you work for FedEx, I am guessing that you can help me. I would like to leave the United States and come to Africa. I have many relatives in Uganda. But I cannot just buy a plane ticket and leave. While I am allowed to do most anything that I want here, someone will probably try to stop me if I tried to leave the country.

I ship things all over the world using FedEx. I am sure that you know this. All you need to do is look up my account in your computers there at FedEx and you will see what I mean. Usually, when I have something to ship, all I have to do is leave the package or box at the shipping area here at the zoo. Then, it is picked up by your driver and off if goes.

Here is what I would like to do. I would like to ship myself to Africa, have you reveive the package and then help me get to Uganda.

I have a lot of money. I can pay you for all of your time and effort.

What do you think? Would you be willing to help me?

--
Zippy the Chimp
2920 Zoo Dr
San Diego, CA 92101
(619) 234-3153
-------------------------------
Legal Disclaimer: You are communicating with Zippy the Chimp, a real, live chimpanzee currently residing at the San Diego Zoo in California. For more information about Zippy, please visit this website, http://www.securewebdata.com/zippythechimp

The email was followed up by this chat...

Quote:

Zippy: Bello?
Are you there?

FedEx: yes
what is going on there?
talk to me if you are there right npw
nice
ok
i got you eamil but i didn't underdstand what you mean by you are coming down here
are you there

Zippy: i am here

Fedex: so what is going on there?

Zippy: i need your help.
you are in Nigeria?
hello?
are you still there?

FedEx: i read you mail but i don't really understand what you mean by that
yes an agent in Nigeria
yes
yes

Zippy: good
And you work for FedEx?

FedEx: yes

Zippy: : good
I want you to receive a shipment for me.
It will not cost you anything. I can pay you for your time.
I need human help.

FedEx: really

Zippy: yes

FedEx: ok
so what do you want me to do?

Zippy: I need you to help me. I am a chimpanzee. And since I am a chimpanzee, people treat me like an animal. So, I need a human to help me get to Uganda, where I was born.
I can pay you a lot of money when I arrive.

FedEx: so what do me to do ?
aswer my question first ?

Zippy: I want you to arrange for me to get to Uganda once I arrive in Nigeria. I will be in a crate. I will not be able to get myself out. I will need you to act as my owner or keeper. Can you do that?
http://www.securewebdata.com/zippythechimp/

FedEx: sure

Zippy: good
Where is the address that I will be shipping myself?
And will you be there in time for me to not sufficate?

FedEx: are you there

Zippy: yes
i am always here

FedEx: so how can i help you?

Zippy: that is why i want to leave here
Can you get me to Uganda? Or find someone to bring me there?
Since I cannot talk, I need a human to arrange for this.

FedEx: i don't understand you
i only base in Nigeria not Uganda

Zippy: I know. But like I said, I cannot talk, so I need someone to get me to Uganda. Do you know someone who could drive me there?
Or can you ship me there once I arrive in Nigeria?

FedEx: i don't have much time here

Zippy: me neither
can we talk more tomorrow?

FedEx: if that is what you want i can do that

Zippy: great
thank you so much

FedEx: but am not the one to take there

Zippy: that is fine

FedEx: i will arrange that here in Nigeria

Zippy: great
i will pay you
i have a lot of cash that i will bring to you
it will be in the crate with me

FedEx: i don't really understand why people don't like talking to you

Zippy: i do not understand either
it makes me really sad
that is why i want to go back to Uganda

FedEx: can i see some of your picture then ?

Zippy: my family is there?
sure
http://www.securewebdata.com/zippythechimp/
that is me
please do not make any jokes about me
i hear a lot of jokes about me
and the way that i look
it hurts Bello. It hurts a lot.
and i am tired of hurting
i want to go back to Ugnada
that is where i was born

FedEx: ok
so what is mu joy now ?

Zippy: what does that mean?

FedEx: i mean what is my Job now ?

Zippy: to receive the package (me) and to arrange for someone to get me to Uganda.

FedEx: ok
so you are not intresting in mr randy check anymore?

Zippy
yes i am
i will give it to my fiance
she will be able to use that money
i just want to get to Uganda
when i get there i will never come back

FedEx: but my duties here is not to help people

Zippy: i know
that is why i will pay you

FedEx: the only what am in charge is to send the check to you not another work
am afriad man
what is your name ?

Zippy: zippy
my name is zippy

FedEx: is your name Zippy?

Zippy: yes

FedEx: nice

Zippy: my name is zippy
i did not pick the name
i do not like it

FedEx: so can you give me your cell phone number now

Zippy: i do not have a cell phone. i cannot speak
i do not have a voice like you

FedEx: i don't believe you zippy

Zippy: it's true
i have never been able to speak outloud

FedEx: how come you can typr massage

Zippy:
i have a high school education
i am very smart

FedEx: i want to ask you some thing rigth now

Zippy: go ahead

FedEx: i hope am not going to regret f what am doing right now ?

Zippy: i do not think that you should regret helping me
i will be greatful

FedEx: ok

Zippy: i just want to get back to Uganda

FedEx: are you coming to Nigeria direct ?

Zippy: yes, in a FedEx crate

FedEx: why not your country direct?

Zippy: I need a person to help me out of the box. FedEx will not just drop off a box without someone receiving it, right? Someone has to reveive the box or I will sit in a building and never get out.

FedEx: what is the time there?

Zippy
it is 2:00
i am in the USA
in california

FedEx:
i don't have much time here again

Zippy: ok
can we talk more tomorrow?

FedEx: if you can give me your cell phone numer i will try and call you so that we can discuss more better
are you there?

Zippy: yes
i am here
but you do not understand
i cannot speak like you can
i can only type or speak sign-language

FedEx: ok
so what is going to happen now

Zippy: i need to know where to ship the crate
i need an address

FedEx: because am using my office mail to do this i don't want anything to happen to me i don't have another job
which address do you need ?

Zippy: any address that you are comfortable with and one that i will be safe
it is up to you

FedEx: ok i will think about it

Zippy: ok
thank you

FedEx: but i don't want to put my self into any trouble ok

Zippy: ok
i do not want you to get in trouble either
my human friends here will be mad

FedEx: ok

Zippy: they do not want me to go to Uganda

FedEx: ok i will try my best on that

Zippy: thank you

FedEx: but how are you going to pay me then ?

Zippy: i will have cash
can you use USA money?

FedEx: yes
you can take money to western union
or any where with your codition ?

Zippy: no one will serve a chimpanzee at a bank
would you?
i am discriminated against all the time
no one understands that i am just as smart as people

FedEx: so how i am going to get money then

Zippy: i will hand it to you. when you open the crate and let me out

FedEx: so how did you get the money then ?

Zippy: i make a lot of money

FedEx: How ?

Zippy: i invest in stocks online
it is easy

FedEx: really ?
nice

Zippy: yes
i can show you
my fince is coming in soon
i will go now
i will wait for the address to ship myself
bye for now
i am happy to meet you
i cannot wait to get to Uganda

Baiting Guru Joined: 03 Mar 2006 Posts: 7103 Location: Yes

That is one precious lad. Laughing

Wasn't Zippy the one that went up into space? He's a hero for god's sake. You would think FedEx would show more respect.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jan 2007 Posts: 2922

Only you guys could pull this off. Very Happy

Are we gonna see...

in a future bait. Wink

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 3:12 pm

Burned out??? You complete and utter idiots!! Laughing

I'll lift my hat if you guys can pull off this one Laughing

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 3:23 pm

Thats a good one. Laughing

I wonder how far it can go.

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 3:24 pm

~ dutchbait,

I'll EAT my hat if you can pull this one off..... But, if anyone can do it.... You two can Very Happy

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 3:50 pm

Very nicely done - I've had some success baiting as a genetically engineered intellegent horse but Zippy is way funnier Smile

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 4:53 pm

dutchbait wrote:

Burned out??? You complete and utter idiots!! Laughing

I'll lift my hat if you guys can pull off this one Laughing

We are really all pretty burned. We worked really hard with our Chad boys. It has gotten to the point where we don't even email them or call them anymore. We couldn't care less about them now. So, we decided to go with something a little more light hearted. This will be fun to just sit back and watch. This is one of the most intersting ways we have found to avoid Western Union and a phone call. We'll see where this takes us.

@sunshine- that is just WAY too unbelievable. I mean, how can he type with those hooves? Laughing

This is the real deal. I love how Zippy is engaged.

EDIT: This is my favorite part of the website...

Quote:

Zippy Likes... Zippy Dislikes...
Bananas Manual transmissions
HBO Bees
Monster trucks Pellet guns
Karate Rubic's cubes
Hair relaxer Nair
Hugs Chain saws
Mopeds Al Gore
Ira Glass Tarzan jokes

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 5:03 pm

No way Zippy would ever fall for it-he looks far smarter than your average lad Laughing

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 5:04 pm

Burnout is just something between the ears. The hell with Chad, stay away from the TWAT for a while, although it was a legendary saga. This little ape will get you back on your evil tracks again soon, I think.. Laughing

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 5:35 pm

If you guys pull this off i would'nt be surprised that your lad is a chimp too or has the brains of a chimp .

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 5:42 pm

We're not really sure what we are trying to "pull off" yet. Perhaps Zippy will get accidentally shipped to another city and Bello will have to go and get him. For that, we will need an accomplice for Zippy. I am pretty sure that we can whip up one of those.

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 6:17 pm

Quote:

has the brains of a chimp .

I think that is very insulting to chimps

YW maybe his fiance can help with that

Mod edit - combined double posts - SB Wink

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 6:37 pm

Wow, what a brilliant idea. I can't wait to see where this goes.

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1731

Foreshadowing:

Quote:

FedEx: i hope am not going to regret f what am doing right now ?

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 7:25 pm

I only have one hat, so I won't promess to eat it if the lad falls for it. I have a feeling he will (fall for it)

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 8:21 pm

We must not have scared him off yet. He just sent us the address for the crate to be sent to. Zippy is probably going to need an accomplice to get shipped to Nigeria. Destiny, his golddigging girlfriend/fiance, will be employed for this task.

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 8:59 pm

If any of the newer members might think that impersonating a chimp is a bit far-fetched, they might want to read this one from a while back.
penguin

Please don't necro it.

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 9:32 pm

This is great.

Quote:

please do not make any jokes about me
i hear a lot of jokes about me
and the way that i look
it hurts B3ll0. It hurts a lot.

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 9:33 pm

Zippy likes hugs, not name-calling. Sad

Edit: In response to receiving the address to mail himself to, Zippy sent this:

Quote:

Hi,

Will someone definitely be available to sign for me? I will have traveled very far by the time I reach there and don't want to be in the crate longer than necessary. I will be hungry, and will need a hug. Please reply immediately so we can begin the preparations. Thank you again for your willingness to help reunite me.

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 11:05 pm

Zippy has an I.Q of 55! And finished high school! Surprised

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 11:08 pm

^^^Which makes him smarter than the average lad. Laughing

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 11:18 pm

Wouldn't it be great to have the half a brain cell lad collect the loaded cash monkey in some godforsaken place because of the diverted flight.. Laughing

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 11:19 pm

Let Zippy go to Uganda! Smile

Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 1:20 am

Whoopsidoodle.

That is one stupid lad.

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