TWAT - Chad Safari - Office Memo/E-mail Fwd Thread:

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Posted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 2:11 pm

^^^^

Exactly VP Wink

Posted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 2:13 pm

Much of the world uses metric (I guess) shoe sizes. A size 42 is the equivalent of about a 10 or 10 1/2. Pretty normal.

As for a velcro closure on the pants, I dunno. Might be kinda nice! (NOT!)
Imagine if the hook part got caught on the pubes! Shocked

Posted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 2:19 pm

OUUUUUUUUUCCHHH

Posted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 4:35 pm

pug wrote:

As for a velcro closure on the pants, I dunno. Might be kinda nice! (NOT!)
Imagine if the hook part got caught on the pubes! Shocked

Didn't ZZ Top do a song called Velcro Fly a long time ago?

Posted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 4:36 pm

They want rayon - because everybody else loves rayon. Just like they opted for velcro because everybody else loves velcro.

I've had rayon clothing. If these pants are anything like the rayon blice (plural of blouse) I've had, those lads are gonna be in a world of hurt the first time they wash them. Was that why you suggested it? Laughing

At least you know they're reading some of the emails.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Mere words fail me in describing just how special these lads are.

Quote:

Dear M3linda Babyjay,

We observed the prayer request regards to Rev Benjamin Dover's health. Note also we have being in prayer for over a month we left our base.

Regards.

Rev.M1racle Charl3s Ndubuisi and Rev.Andr3w Ezekiel Om3zi.

Posted: Sat Aug 02, 2008 9:33 pm

^^ Yeah, these guys are priceless. Reading things like that crack me up, because we really don't even pay any attention to them anymore. The folks here participating in the office e-mails are the only ones they really have contact with.

And yes, they've been out over a month now. It's kinda like they just live there now. they don't even really complain anymore. Laughing

Posted: Sat Aug 02, 2008 11:00 pm

The responses of these lads are just too funny.

And Jayhawk, your Melinda Babjay is absolutely stealing the show here. The emails you are sending to the lads are no less than inspired. The bit about the velcro fly and the bell bottem pants had me in stitches.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

It seems as though Dover can't keep food down, so sending him pizzas wouldn't make much sense. M3linda Babyj4y has another idea though:

Quote:

The hospital is now telling us that Reverend Dover is having problems keeping food down. Obviously pizzas would not be good to send him at this time.

I thought instead it would be nice for all of us to send him some Smurf stuffed animals. Reverend Dover has always loved the Smurfs, especially Papa Smurf, and a room full of Smurfs might cheer him up.

As always, I am willing to coordinate the gathering and sending of the stuffed animals.

Secretary Mel1nda B4byjay

I swear, the lads have to be going bat-poop crazy reading all of this crap.

Posted: Mon Aug 04, 2008 4:27 pm

But, M3linda - er, Jayhawk - you are such a competent, caring, and efficient secretary! You don't let a single detail go unmentioned. You are a credit to your profession.

[Removing my tongue from my cheek]

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Well, this one should get an interesting reply from the lads:

Quote:

I was just informed that Reverend Dover already has a six foot tall Papa Smurf at home, but I'm sure he would appreciate a smaller Papa Smurf.

The listing that I provided are not all of the smurfs, just the more popular ones. I plan on sending him a three foot tall Lactose-Intolerant Smurf which just came out. Feel free to do research on your own if there is another smurf you wish to send to Reverend Dover.

Reverends Ndubu1si and Om3zi, is there a smurf shop close to where you are that you can purchase Reverend Dover a smurf, or would you like me to purchase one for him in your names and you can pay me later? If you would like me to purchase Reverend Dover a smurf for you please let me know which smurf you would like to send him.

Secretary M3linda Babyj4y

The lads are really good at answering all of the questions that I ask them. Let's see what smurf they want me to purchase for Reverend D0ver.

Posted: Mon Aug 04, 2008 9:39 pm

Cammy's just been drawn into things - if she doesn't get an explanation she's going to get angry, and you know what that means...

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Cammy is a nutjob. Very Happy

Does Cammy realize that on her first email she responded to everyone BUT the lads?

Cammy needs a good scolding. There is no reason for her to react the way she has been reacting.

Posted: Mon Aug 04, 2008 9:45 pm

I've sent two replies. Did they both not go to the Lads?

Master Baiter Joined: 19 Apr 2007 Posts: 108

@Jayhawk^^^

M3linda's letter and all the stuff about the Smurfs is just surreal!! Shocked

(There isn't an emoticon for wiping tears of laughter from my eyes!)

Congratulations again (to all)!

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Something to note for those of you involved in the inter-office mailings - Some of you are using read notify in your email messages to the lads. If you haven't signed up for read-notify (which I haven't) that email to the lads will bounce. I would recommend not using read-notify, as I can promise you that the lads are reading the emails. They respond to every question I ask them, and they respond fairly quickly.

Look at the lad's email addie. If it has read.notify on it (or something like that, I'm too lazy to check) and you haven't signed up for read-notify the email will bounce. Take the read-notify off. If you are (like me) responding to "all" on a previous email be sure if you don't have the read-notify feature that the address doesn't have the read.notify extension on the end of the lads address.

One can only imagine what is going through the mind of the lads right now. You would think that there would have to be some serious doubt on their part, but dammit the inter-office mailings sure make it look real. I think at this point they are still well on the hook.

Right now I think there has been in the neighborhood of 75-100 office emails that the lads have been copied on. That has got to be extremely frustrating. Very Happy

I switched from pizzas to Smurfs for D0ver basically because it's a whole lot of fun just tying the word "smurf." Plus, I kinda see Dover as the type of guy that would have a big collection of Smurfs. I tend to get the giggles when I'm typing their email messages, especially when I ask them if they are by a Smurf store and can buy D0ver a Smurf on their own. Laughing

Posted: Tue Aug 05, 2008 2:58 pm

These office ramblings make me laugh so hard. The smurf thing is absolutely hysterical. I mean, Dover is just a pitiful man.

I am glad that these guys are reading your emails. Honestly, we have been a bit slack in contacting them. They are there. They are stuck. It really doesn't matter what we do with them, because they don't have the money to leave. We are all a bit burnt out. Dover has worked really hard you know.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

I just did a quick count, and I think there have been over 150 emails that the lads have been copied on. Amazing.

So is Dover in a coma now, or is he still with the program? What is the plan for Dover in the future?

And yes, Dover is pretty pathetic. Laughing

Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 9:52 am

mami wrote:

Lad's Safari Costs: $100/day and increasing..

Phone bill: $15,-

Fun: priceless...

More like:

Lad's safari bill: about $10,000

A phone call to Chad: $15

Hearing a lad burst into tears when you accuse them of messing you about: Priceless

Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 10:48 am

M3l1nda B4byj4y is one rude lady. Keep it up!

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Man, things are starting to get nasty between M3linda and Cammy.

I sure hope the lads are appreciating this. Laughing

Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 4:39 pm

Melinda and Cam - bloody hell,they sure know how to push each others buttons!

Master Baiter Joined: 19 Apr 2007 Posts: 108

manbiteslion wrote:

Melinda and Cam - bloody hell,they sure know how to push each others buttons!

Please can we lurkers see some of the fun. Very Happy

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

For the lurkers - This all started when somehow got included on our email list. Obviously an IT problem:

From Cammy

Quote:

Ms B4byjay,

I don't know who the Reverend Dover is - I don't know who you are - and by Freyja's tears, what is TWAT?

BTW - Smurfs suck!

Melinda to Cammy (all copied, naturally)

Quote:

Ms. White, there is no need for that type of language. I will check with our IT department and we will try to figure out why you are getting our inter-office emails. I do hope you understand that Reverend Dover has been in a serious accident, so a minor IT issue is not our PRIMARY concern. I'm sure you can tough this out though.

In keeping with Reverend Dover's philosophy of loving thy neighbor, I am not going to address your smurf comment.

Secretary M3linda B4byjay

Rev. Igor answers:

Quote:

Awww! Sister B4byjay, that's beautiful!

I know that Rev. D0ver would really appreciate that!

As for Ms. White, the poor Rev. D0ver (one of our most important TWATs) is in a coma, I'm sure that the comforting words
about his favourite things, i.e. pizza and smurfs will provide him with succour when he regains his marbles!

You are in our thoughts and prayers Ben,

Best wishes, Rev. Dr. Iv0r B.

Cammy sends off a flury of emails:

Quote:

Rev Dr Iv0r B whoever you are,

Just who are you? From the Reverends flying around I assume you're some church group, and I guess Christian. Well, I'm not, so I don't know how I got into your orbit!

I hate pizza and I still thinks Smurfs suck, and I don't give a hairy rat's ass what Ms B4byjay thinks about my language.

Camille Wh1te

Quote:

Ms B4byjay,

You got off lightly, believe me. Your philosophy may be loving your neighbour; mine is speaking my mind. Since I don't know this Reverend D0ver, his condition means nothing to me.

BTW, I don't take back a word about Smurfs.

C4mille Wh1te

Quote:

Okay - what, by Freyja's tears, did I do to deserve this pile of crap? You know I hate Smurfs! I don't like being treated like this - I suppose it's because I'm not a Christian or some crud like that.

Melinda has had it. After all, there is only so much one person can take, right?

Quote:

Can someone from IT please fix this problem and get this bitch off of our email system?

Secretary M3linda B4byjay

Cammy shoots back

Quote:

Now just you hang on there a f*cking minute! Did I get personal on any of you? I didn't call anyone names! So I want an apology from you, Ms Secretary M3linda Snobby B4byjay!

C4mille Whit3

The tone of the emails is starting to heat up

Quote:

Please, IT, why is this lunatic receiving our emails?

Ms. Whit3, until we get this problem taken care of I would suggest that you ignore any emails from TWAT. Or is that too difficult for your feeble mind to grasp?

Secretary M3linda B4byjay

Reverend Charl3s tries to get involved, but he will be ignored.

Quote:

Sorry, but am I missing something here?

I distinctly remember being ordained into a church, now I find myself being urged to purchase fluffy toys?

I rather think that Reverend D0ver would be more in need of our spiritual help at this time.

Pizzas? oh please. Can you not get a grip on reality for just a minute?

Reverend Ch4rles

Melinda tries to ignore Cammy and focus on the important thing, namely the Smurfs. This was my chance to type "Smurf" quite frequently, which is quite enjoyable.

Quote:

Reverend Charl3s

I am shocked and surprised by your tone. Surely you realize medical studies have shown that the healing process is enhanced by being in familiar surroundings. Reverend D0ver is far away from all of us, and is very sick. A nice little reminder that we are thinking of him and praying for him just might be the difference between a full recovery and the lord calling him home.

I think it is the duty of all TWATs, and especially all of our ordained Ministers, to show compassion not just with their prayers but with their pocketbooks. I have heard from far too few of you regarding the smurf you plan to send to Reverend D0ver. We are all one big caring TWAT family, and one of our family members is sufferering and needing our help.

I want all TWATs to respond to my email with their intended actions. Time is of the upmost importance. I would urge all of you to participate in this great deed for Reverend D0ver.

If you wish to purchase a Smurf on your own please let me know which Smurf you plan to purchase. If you wish me to purchase the Smurf for you kindly let me know which Smurf, and I will let you know the cost. You may then send me the money via Western Union. Please do not send the Smurfs on your own. Let me coordinate the distribution of the Smurfs. If you do purchase a Smurf on your own please send it to me at the Home Office, and I will make sure it gets to Reverend D0ver.

Let's get going people!

Secretary M3linda B4byjay

IT checks in (finally!)

Quote:

I don't know what's going on here - Ms White, why are you hacking into our email list then sending all this abuse? We are a peace-loving church as you can see from this thread you seem to have barged in on.

Please leave our harmless church alone, it is distressing to see so much bad blood and please stop picking on our members.

As IT Support, I fail to see how you've managed to barge your way in, but I do wish you'd stop, or I shall have to report you. I've done some background research and have clearly identified your workplace, I have no resistance to calling your manager you know.

Derr3n Br0wn
IT Support
TWAT

And Pastor Yocum is heard from

Quote:

i was dismayed to find this in my in box and my assistants were upsetted to see rev ben treateded in such bad ways. i do not like this c4milla white and the mean words said in my box. god will judge you by your words c4milla white. pray for rev ben dover do not curse.

Cammy is back, and the fight is running!

Quote:

Wel, Ms B4byjay, I would gladly ignore your emails if there weren't so many of them - and if not for the gratuitous insults!

I'm not a lunatic, I am As4tru, and I didn't ask to get this twaddle cluttering up my inbox - bypassing my spam filters!

C4mille Whit3

Quote:

Mr Br0wn,

For the record I am not a hacker. I did not "barge into this thread" - I was drafted; for some reason my inbox is now being cluttered up by people whittering on about soft toys and your secretary resorting to personal abuse for no reason.

And as for reporting me, and calling my manager - you must have me confused with someone else (maybe that's the problem). My boyfriend would take my side in this.

Anyhoo - work to do; and just to prove my point, here's a professional pic of myself - praise Fr3yja!

Camille White

Cammy attached a photo to the last email, and, for the record, I would leave my wife and kids and chew off one of my legs for the chance to spend the night with her. But that's beside the point. M3linda has gotten pissed, and the gloves have been taken off.

Quote:

So not only do you act like a slut, you look like one as well. Very nice.

Will you please leave us alone, as we have gods business to attend to.

Cammy fires back

Quote:

At least I'm polite and don't launch unjustified personal insults. So far you've called me a slut and a bitch. What gave you that right, Little Ms Oh So Perfect?

Quote:

Mr Pastor Y0cum,

Why don't you tell Ms M3linda B4byjay the Purehearted to stop cursing me? Or are you telling me that bitch and slut aren't insults in your faith?

C4mille Wh1te

It's starting to get personal now.

Quote:

Ms. White

Why are you still bothering us? Is your life truly so lonely and pathetic that you have nothing better to do? PLEASE LEAVE US ALONE! WE ARE DOING GODS WORK!

Our IT department says that you hacked into our system, but I don't believe that. I don't think that you have the ability to successfully pick your nose, let alone hack into our server.

Our office communication is important to the running of TWAT, and is not meant for outsiders. And by outsiders, I mean blonde headed bimbos like yourself. However you managed to get our emails I would recommend that you cease immediately or we will take legal action.

Secretary M3linda B4byjay

Reverend Allc0ck tries to calm everyone down. It ain't gonna work.

Quote:

OK everyone it is time to take a step back, inhale deeply and count to ten before you rush to the keyboard. PRAYER AND FASTING is what is required here. Afterall C4mille is one of God's creations also so let's pray for her soul that she might see the light and embrace TWAT.

Quote:

Ms Secretary B4byjay,

I'm getting your stupid emails because you keep sending them to me. I didn't ask for that.

And from what I've read here, God's work - I assume Christian god - means insulting someone who never meant you any harm. protect me from such deeds!

Legal action - don't jerk my chain, sister. I'm not the one who's doing a Charlie Foxtrot on your inbox. Your precious IT people are covering up their own blunders.

Bitch, slut, bimbo - you're pretty free with the slander. Maybe I should consider legal action...

C4mille Whit3

Quote:

OK Mr Allc0ck,

While I appreciate your acting as peacemaker, I won't lie to you about your chances of converting me to... well, whatever you worship. I worship the Aes1r - the Lords of Asg4rd - and today is Wednesday - W0den's Day - sacred to 0din Alf0dur.

So thanx, but no thanx.

C4mille Wh1te

B4byjay answers, complete with mis-spellings

Quote:

Ms. Wh1te

As anyone with even the slightest legal sense can tell you, the best definition against slander is truth.

Who in the hell is ? Wait a minute, I really don't care.

Just leave us alone!

Secretary M3linda B4byjay

From Cammy

Quote:

Ms S3cretary B4byjay,

That's defence against slander, you mean - and no, truth is not a defence in some parts of the world.

Bitch - is a female dog, which I'm not.
Slut - is (AFAIK) a woman of loose and depraved morals, which I'm not.
Bimbo - stupid and/or shallow woman - that's for you to prove, and I don't think you could!

Stay out of my inbox and I'll stay out of yours! Deal?

C4mille Wh1te

All attempts at being nice have been thrown out the window

Quote:

It's defense you blone headed bimbo, and the truth is always a defense.

I am making sure to copy everyone on these emails, as I think it is important for all of us to realize that there will always be people like Ms.Wh1te out in the world who want to derail us from the truth of TWAT. I think we all realize that she is an ignorant slut whose only assets are between her legs, but we must not let people like Ms. Whit3 stop us from spreading the teachings of TWAT and doing the lords work.

Ms. Whit3, I will once again ask you to stop receiving our emails. I don't know what you had done, but we are a peaceful church, and your actions constitute harassment.

Fellow TWATs, we must not let the actions of a backwoods tramp like Ms. Wh1te distract us. Please remain focused while our IT department gets to the bottom of this mess. Rest assured, once we determine how Ms. Whit3 hacked into our system justice will be swift and forthcoming, and in no time at all she will trading sexual favors for cigarettes with all of the other whores in lockup.

Secretary M3linda B4byjay

Ginny weighs in

Quote:

I am shocked by this type of language in office memos. I don't believe any of this is Ms Wh1te's fault! She is understandably annoyed at the mistake, wherever it started. M3linda, why are you taking it so personally? I don't appreciate seeing all these swear words in office email -- especially from a member of TWAT. Surely you can express yourself without resorting to gutter talk.

Please, let's all remember what this is all about. Filthy words will not advance the cause of TWAT in the world. Far from it, they will alienate people and make us look bad in front of other religions.

I am praying for Reverend D0ver, and for you, too, M3linda. Please consider some anger management classes.

Bite me Ginny. Now we're getting in to the words that I'm not comfortable posting:

Quote:

Ginny, did you not read the email from D3rren Brown in IT? Obviously Ms. Whit3 had someone hack into our system, and now she is acting like we keep sending her emails by mistake. Do you not remember back in 2006 when this happened, and the confusion and delays it caused.

I guess I just care too much about TWAT to let a c*nt like Ms. Whit3 be f*cking around with our system. I'm guilty as charged in that accusation. I take it personally because I WAS AROUND IN 2006 WHEN THIS HAPPENED, AND I WAS ACCUSED OF THINGS THAT WERE LATER FOUND NOT TO BE MY FAULT!!!!

Ms. White, you have had your fun. Now go back on your streetcorner and start whoring yourself out again. You've got to do something to make some money. Cocaine ain't cheap.

Secretary M3linda B4byjay

It's gonna get real, real nasty before things are through. I really hope the lads are reading this. Laughing

Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 6:33 pm

Oh my gosh. I had to hold my hand over my mouth as I read that because I was laughing so loud I was afraid I'd disturb my coworkers. Or my boss.

*wipes tears of laughter from eyes* Boy do I wish I was a part of this. It would be so much fun.

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