TWAT - Chad Safari - Office Memo/E-mail Fwd Thread:

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 11:20 am

It is really common here on Friday afternoon to have a long debate about which bar or pub to go to after work. This usually causes a huge string of e-mails in my office. And EVERYONE has to get it, because no-one wants to end up at the wrong place.

Arguments about which place is nearest, cheapest, most comfortable, shows sport, doesn't show sport, has the best crunchy bar snacks and frosty-cold artisan-brewed beer would be welcomed by the TWATs, I'm sure.

It could start innocently enough:

'A few of us are going for a drink after work at the North Point Tavern if anyone wants to join us?'

'Hi,
Payroll has already planned to go to Murphy's so we can sit outside. It's too hot for North Point!'

etc

I don't know where TWAT HQ is, but this website has bars from all over the US listed. www.barstar.com

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

I don't think we need an outside investigation. Once the war between Babyj4y and Sister V1cki escalates, and it will escalate, I think we need the newly ordained TWAT ministers to render an opinion of what should be done. Naturally this would involve all parties emailing the Revs concerning their business relationships with both Babyj4y and Sister V1cki, and for the Reverends to have online chats with both Babyj4y and Sister V1cki.

It ain't all fun and games at the top. Sometimes you have to make the tough decisions.

Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 1:51 pm

Hilarious stuff! Your poor TWATS are now so self inflated over their new status that stuff like this has got to be "WTF?".

Jayhawk, I laughed out loud at some of the stuff you wrote. Thanks!

Master Baiter Joined: 25 Jun 2008 Posts: 123

when this bait ends (as all good things must eventually) it'd be interesting to rebait the lads with a different, non TWAT related, character to see if adding "rev" before their names is only done when they think they are in contact with TWAT members, or if they really believe they are now reverends and continue to do it at the end of all their emails from now on

Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 2:54 pm

dr stephen williams wrote:

Jayhawk, I laughed out loud at some of the stuff you wrote. Thanks!

I forgot to add that. Brilliant, Jay. Especially the constant farting, what an inappropriate and funny detail. Every office has the sort of ghastly pedant who'd tell everyone that. You just know he'll corner you at the pub and tell you all about his gall bladder surgery.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Lactose Interolerance, per wikipedia:

Quote:

Disaccharides cannot be absorbed through the wall of the small intestine into the bloodstream, so in the absence of lactase, lactose present in ingested dairy products remains uncleaved and passes intact into the colon. The operons of enteric bacteria quickly switch over to lactose metabolism, and the resultant in vivo fermentation produces copious amounts of gas (a mixture of hydrogen, carbon dioxide, and methane). This, in turn, may cause a range of abdominal symptoms, including stomach cramps, bloating, and flatulence. In addition, as with other unabsorbed sugars (such as sorbitol, mannitol, and xylitol), the presence of lactose and its fermentation products raises the osmotic pressure of the colon contents, thereby preventing the colon from reabsorbing water, and causing osmotic diarrhea.

Just keeping it real. Poor Melinda is at home today, and tomorrow she will be sure and email everyone abour how she spent the entire day with exploding diarrhea because of the cheese switch the bastards did on her.

Elite Baiter Joined: 16 Jul 2008 Posts: 1407

Here is another line in the ongoing fridge war.

I have seen memo's being passed forward about the company fridge. One in particular was concerning a woman imploring people to STOP using the milk in the Blue Lidded Container.

Apparently they were using it for their morning coffee. Only problem was that it was this womans BREAST Milk she had been collecting for her infant during the day!!!(after pumping in her office).

That might raise some eyebrows.

Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 3:57 pm

@Jayhawk - I feel for M3linda.

The last place I worked, someone told me that I could put my name on my lunch if I liked - that way "Jerry will know whose lunch he's eating." There was a man in the plant who would eat whichever lunch looked best.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Perhaps M3linda could plant a lunch in the company fridge, and when it comes out missing she could say that the reason it might have tasted funny was because she had her cat pee on it. M3linda seems like a cat person. Very Happy

edit - wtf? For some reason cat p.e.e. comes out as catpassport. I think you know what I have in mind.

Elite Baiter Joined: 16 Jul 2008 Posts: 1407

No, cat passport was funnier. Almost a lad mistake....wait a minute...

Master Baiter Joined: 07 Sep 2004 Posts: 209

The lads' email addy is bouncing for me too.
SG

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

I just sent this, and it seems to have gone through:

Quote:

I am out of the office today. I am currently home sick and have a very bad case of exploding diarrhea brought on by the person who decided yesterday it would be funny to switch my lactose-free cheese with normal cheese. It is not funny. My colon is in severe shape and I am having to use the restroom to do #2 every five minutes.

I don't think you people understand how serious being lactose intolerant is. I talked to the police and the nice man said that if I wanted to I could have the office investigated to determine who it was that made the switch. I have decided not to do that as I do not want to stoop to your level.

I don't ask for much but I would expect some sort of accomodations for my lactose intolerance. At the last church gathering there was some delicious looking german chocolate cake that I could not eat, as it was made with whole milk. I am lactose intolerant and cannot handle whole milk. I requested from Sister V1cki that the cake be prepared using soy milk but my request was not honored. So I was forced to sit and watch others eat cake that I could not eat because I am lactose intolerant. At the last company breakfast Reverend D0ver was making some delicious looking omlets using regular whole milk instead of the soy milk that I requested from Sister V1cki. Once again I was forced to watch others eat because I am lactose intolerant. It seems as if Sister V1cki goes out of her way to make sure that I cannot participate in many of the office gatherings.

Last month we had a nice happy hour planned, where we were told that drinks would be provided to everyone. The drinks provided were, of course, White Russians, which are made with Kahlua and Cream. I cannot drink that drink because of the cream, as I am lactose intolerant. Once again, Sister V1cki was in charge of this, and once again an activity was planned that I could not participate in because I am lactose intolerant.

I may or may not be back in the office tommorow, depending upon how my colon feels and if I can stop going to the restroom every five minutes. In case I don't make it back tomorrow please be advised that there is currently a half-eaten salad and a half-drunk bottle of Diet Sprite in the refrigerator. These items are mine. DO NOT THROW THOSE ITEMS OUT! I will take care of them when I get back to work.

May god will be with most of you, and may the rest of you see the error of your ways.

Secretary M3linda B4byjay

Did my character mention that she is lactose intolerant? Very Happy

Elite Baiter Joined: 16 Jul 2008 Posts: 1407

Sounds like she's in a crappy situation.

Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 6:32 pm

I noticed when I hit "reply to all" one time, the "c" at the beginning of the lad's e-mail was missing.

I haven't gotten a bounce back yet though Confused

eta: Sister Vicki now has her e-mail set to "out of the office" responder - since she (and I in RL) are leaving town tomorrow for a week Wink

Quote:

Dear Melinda,

Please stop with these incessant e-mails about your bathroom habits.

Did you not get the e-mail from IT department?

I am leaving on vacation tomorrow. If you have a problem with me, we can discuss it in private with William when I get back.

Sincerely,
Sister Vicki

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

^^^ Why does Sister V1cki have to be so cruel? Very Happy

Oh, you'd better believe that we're taking this before "William."

Does anyone have a copy of a TWAT mediation form?

Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 6:39 pm

^Because she doesn't have anything better to do Smile

.

Quote:

Subject: Important information regarding Rev. Ben Dover

To all TWATs,

Have any of you seen Rev. Dover's receipt for supplies that he purchased for the pool party?

I need to send them to the TWAT finance department, but he did not leave them in my mailbox as I requested.

I know that he is currently on assignment in Africa, but if any of you see him or can contact him, please remind him that receipts must be submitted to me in a timely manner and please have the account number and balance written on the top right hand corner of the receipt. This will make processing go quicker.

God bless,
Sister Vicki

I thought it would be fun for the lads to see that subject line, get their hopes up, then find out it was just the usual interoffice TWAT nothings.

Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 6:42 pm

Quote:

Did my character mention that she is lactose intolerant?

Someone this reactionary and intolerant obviously needs some sensitivity training.

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 22 Feb 2007 Posts: 1

I've been watching this for the longest time and enjoying every minute of it! In fact, you made me hunt down my password and login just to say if you need that super annoying person who insists on answering all the emails with "great" and "sorry you're not feeling well" and "nice work!" then I am willing to help be that person.

You know the one.. that one. Hate that guy.

Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 7:42 pm

IT Support posted this shirty response - anyone fancy defending HR?

Quote:

The IT department wishes to remind all TWATs that the email facility and bandwidth we provide to members is intended for line-of-business communications only, and not the petty bickering and personal name-calling this is descending into.

If Sister McTavish in HR was paying the blindest bit of attention and bothering to do her job, this would have been knocked on the head a long time ago

Derren

Elite Baiter Joined: 16 Jul 2008 Posts: 1407

Quote:

And perhaps if the IT people would concentrate on helping our breathren in the field, particularly Rev. D0ver, HR would have more time to council agrrevied parties.

But instead of that, we are having to monitor the Internet habits of IT, and not concentrating on the good workers of TWAT.

Get back to work IT.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Things are starting to get nasty between B4byjay and Sister V1cki:

Sister Vick:

Quote:

Dear Melinda,

Please stop with these incessant e-mails about your bathroom habits.

Did you not get the e-mail from IT department?

I am leaving on vacation tomorrow. If you have a problem with me, we can discuss it in private with William when I get back.

Sincerely,
Sister V1cki

M4linda isn't going to take abuse lying down:

Quote:

Well, I personally consider somebody trying to POISON me to be pretty serious. I'm sorry if you don't see it that way Sister V1cki. I guess you have more important things to worry about, like if Carl the UPS guy is delivering today and if he's still got the mattress in the back of his truck.

Reverend P, I want to discuss this situation with you as soon as I can make it back to work. My diahrea seems to have passed somewhat, but I am now starting to get cramps, and the gas problem has not gone away. I'm also getting some tendionitis in my knee, but I don't think it's because of the cheese. I am lactose intolerant, you know.

I think I might be able to tough it out and come in to work tomorrow. If I still have gas I'll stay at home though. I care too much about my coworkers to expose them to my constant flatulence.

Secretary M3linda B4byjay

I would recommend keeping the fighting between folks to a minimum (This from the guy that is starting the biggest fight!). Lots of good emails going out right now. Hell, it looks like a real company.

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 26 Jun 2008 Posts: 18

Further to M3l155a B4byj4ys problems, I've added some useful stuff about goats and sheep milk

Quote:

Hi,
There is some wisdom in this.

Consider that a cow is a four stomached creature that chews the cud. It's milk is designed for such an infant creature, and is high in casein (also found in wood glue). Is this really best for a single stomached human ?

The idea of consuming the milk of a single stomached animal, such as a sheep or a goat, has some wisdom associated with it.

Blessings be on you all,

Willie
- Show quoted text -
--
Pastor W1ll13 Tw1gg
TWAT UK - North Yorkshire mission

Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 9:35 pm

You know, it really does look like just the kind of inbox-filler I've waded through for real any number of times. We must be mad.

Do we know if the boys are reading any of this? Anyone using readnotify?

Posted: Fri Jul 25, 2008 1:32 pm

They did not check their email yesterday. They checked today though, about 2 hours ago. No word back from them yet.

Elite Baiter Joined: 16 Jul 2008 Posts: 1407

It's Friday. Shouldn't this be clean out the fridge day?

That ought to piss off the secretary, who instructed NO ONE to throw out her half eaten lunch/sprite.

TWAT - Chad Safari - Office Memo/E-mail Fwd Thread:	View next topic View previous topic