The Professor and the Mugu

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Posted: Mon Jul 19, 2004 10:09 pm

One Die Hard brother had to bail out of the deal due to his abusive nature. Enter in the second.

Quote:

Allow me to introduce myself. I am Dr. Simon Gr***, brother of Hans.

Be assured, I know very little of your business dealings with my
brother. But I make it my duty to check in on my brother a few times a
week, as you know he is completely deaf thanks to that bastard, John
McClane.

My brother, Hans, is an unfortunate soul. I ask you to take pity on
him. He undergoes severe medical testing, hoping to restore his
hearing, so he is often in hospital. When he is not visiting with
doctors, he is volunteering at his church. When he isn't volunteering,
he is coaching his youth hockey team, the Little Pekkers.
Whenever he is not busy with these things, he is skating hard, trying to
keep in shape so that he can one day return to the game he loves. He
likes to keep busy, but I fear he overtires himself. He is also
dreadfully short of funds. What money he has from his hockey career and
his coaching, either goes to Oslo doctors, or he gives in kindness to
the church.

Because he is denied the ice he loves and is often in terrible pain,
plus overtired, he does tend to drink vodka quite often. But he really
is a good man, and has been through difficult times in his life. I beg
you to forgive him and be understanding.

I have seen one of the e-mails he recently sent to you, as I suspect he
was intoxicated while writing and accidentally copied one to me. This is
how I obtained your address. I ask you to pardon my intrusion into
your private matter, but it seems you will not be continuing with this
transaction because of Hans' lack of funds.
Is it possible that I can be of assistance? I am well off, and I would
like to help you so that your goodwill towards my brother will be
restored.

I am unfamiliar with the details of the transaction, I only know it was
a business deal of some kind. If you will accept my help and not think
me a nosy fool, then please contact me and tell me how I can assist you.

Regards,
Dr. S. Gru*** (name withheld for Google search)
Professor of Political Science
Stavanger University

Mr. Snow is skeptical and only sends a phone number. (If anyone would like to impersonate the good professor, do let me know)

We neatly bypass this.

Quote:

Dear Fred,

With the workload I have from my classes, I have very little time to
devote to a phone conversation. You deserve more time and consideration
than I feel I could provide via telephone. I would also feel more
comfortable if I had a paper trail, such as our correspondance, when
dealing with any sort of business transaction. It would be safer for
the both of us should something go wrong. International affairs, as you
know, are terribly tricky.

However, if this is not suitable, please let me know the date and time
when best to contact you and we will try to schedule something to
accomodate us both.

Mr. Snow is still skeptical and uncertain how to deal with such a cultured man.

Quote:

DEAR SIMON,

COMPLIMENTS OF THE DAY TO YOU AND FAMILY.

MY FRIEND BEFORE I CAN HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU,I NEED TO SPEAK TO YOU ON PHONE,BESIDES HOW CAN YOU SAY YOU HAVE LITTLE TIME TO DEVOTE TO TELEPHONE CONVERSATION,I BEG YOU TO BE REALISTIC.YOU ARE NOT TALKING TO A DAFT.

IF I MAY ASK,DONT YOU HAVE CONTACT NUMBERS.

YOU MAKE ME THINK SOMETHING IS PHONY ABOUT YOU,PROOVE TO ME YOU ARE REAL.

FRED SNOW.

NB,I WILL ALWAYS BE READY TO TAKE YOUR CALL,YOU HAVE MY PERSONAL PRIVATE NUMBER,YOU CAN CALL ANYTIME.

Well, this just won't do.

Posted: Mon Jul 19, 2004 10:16 pm

Well, this just won't do!

Quote:

Fred,

There is no need to start flinging accusations. I can see why my
brother got a bit testy with you.

You did not originally ask me for a phone number. All I got was a rather
cryptic mail with your own number telling me to call you.

I feel I am being perfectly realistic. I said I was a very busy man,
which is true--lazy men do not make any money, Fred, as you must
know--and that we would need to schedule a time to speak. That is how
such things are done. My students have to schedule times with me, it is
the life of a professor. I somehow doubt you never work, eat, or sleep.
No one is available 24/7, unless they are a cocaine-addicted bum.

I also suggested a correspondance would be a good idea, as we would have
a paper trail. This is only logical and sensible from a legal
standpoint, as well as being very convienent for me.

This is all I meant. If you chose to interpret that as my calling you
"daft," well, that says more about you than me, dear boy.

However, since you need it, my private phone number is...

What kind of proof can I possibly provide? I am at a loss. I do not
scan my passport for the perusal of strangers, nor do I have a website.
I can only give you this photo, which was taken in front of Stavanger
University. I am a professor of political science there. It is an
official department photo.

I am trying to help you, Fred. Please remember that.

And I send this wonderful photo, reeking of academia.

http://img78.photobucket.com/albums/v325/HockeyChick4141/jeremy.bmp

It nearly does the trick, until Fred catches me in something. I am ashamed.

Quote:

DEAR FRIEND,

COMPLIMENTS OF THE DAY TO YOU AND FAMILY.

STRANGELY I MUST ADMIT THAT I HAVE DEVELOPE AN ATTITUDE OFRECENT,THAT COULD BE ATTRIBUTED TO THE WAY YOUR BROTHER HAS TREATED ME,HE WENT AS FAR AS CALLING ME NAMES LIKE 'MOTHERFUCKER'

I INICIALLY WANTED TO FORGET EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM WHICH OBVOIUSLY WAS THE REASON WHY I WAS A BIT SCEPTICAL OF YOUR INTENTIONS WHEN YOU WROTE ME.

I WAS ONCE A STUDENT AND I REALIZE HOW THE LIFE OF A PROFESSOR COULD UTTERLY BE TIRING,BUT,ON A REALISTIC NOTE WE COULD STILL WORK OUT TIME FOR A TELEPHONE CONVERSATION CONSIDERING THE MAGNITUDE OF THIS DEAL.IF YOU DONT KNOW ALREADY,I AM THINKING OF TRANSFERRING $18MILLION DOLLARS AND FOR THIS KIND OF MONEY I WILL NEVER BE TOO BUSY,EVEN IN MY SLEEP I WILL TAKE YOUR CALL.THIS IS A LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY TO ME.

WHEN YOU MAKE MENTION OF CORRESPONDENCE,WHAT DO YOU REALLY MEAN?AND HOW DO YOU WANT IT TO WORK I NEED YOU TO EXPLAIN IN DETAILS TO ME.THESE ARE THE REASONS WHY I NEED TO HAVE A TELEPHONE CONVERSATION. AS FOR YOUR NUMBER IT LOOKS TO ME LIKE AN AMERICAN OR A CANADIAN NUMBER,HOW COME?.

I AWAIT YOUR RESONSE,HOPING THAT WE CAN GET THESE FORMALITIES BEHIND US AND GET DOWN TO REAL BUSSINESS,AS YOU SAY,THAT YOU GENUINELY WANT TO ASSIST ME.

Sometimes, one has the feeling Destiny chose their alter.

Quote:

Mr. Snow,

Yes, Hans certainly has a way with the salty language. He learned it
from locker rooms, you know. He really is a nice, generous man if one
gets to know him. But I suspect that his life as a hockey player has
made him a bit more short of temper. Of course, when you get slammed
into hockey rink walls for a living, what do you expect but some
personality damage? But, I digress. (He was the athlete, I was the
scholar, as you might have noticed.)

As for my phone number, I am currently on an American fellowship at
Emory and Henry university. I normally teach political science at
Stavanger University. But an oppertunity came up to accompany some
students to the United States as a "study abroad." It was the chance of
a lifetime for all of us. I have always wanted to visit the United
States and study their political systems in depth. The chance to do this
with my beloved students was a dream come true, and particularly during
such a dramatic era in American politics. I will be returning to Norway
in about two weeks, to relax a bit and get my affairs sorted out before
fall semester begins at Stavanger. It is a pity we will not be able to
stay for the American presidential election, as I have always wanted to
view one in person. But I will be glad to return home. America is an
exciting place, but just a tad too hectic for an old professor such as
myself!

But, I am rambling a bit again. The number apparently goes to a
voicemail box they set up for me here, but I confess I have not used it
much. I do not know if someone picks it up in their political science
department, or if it goes straight to some sort of recorded message?

What I meant by correspondance was by sticking, as much as possible, to
e-mail. This is easier for me with my laptop, as you can see from my
current schedule. It would also be safer legally, as everything we
discuss would be in writing and we could refer to it or use it as
evidence should problems arise. When one depends too heavily on the
phone, any disagreements merely turn into a "he said/she said" sort of
argument. Neither of us will have any proof of what the other agreed
to, as it is illegal to tape phone conversations. This is why I thought
a written correspondance would be a good idea. I always stress the
importance of such things with my students, as I have had to sit through
far too many meetings with the dean over grade disputes, because a
student has misheard or misinterpreted something I said. When neither of
us has any solid written proof of what actually was said and done, such
things can turn so emotional and ugly. It is just a suggestion, of
course. You are free to do what you like, Mr. Snow.

And Success!

Quote:

COMPLIMENTS OF THE DAY TO YOU AND FAMILY.

I AM CONVINCED THAT YOU ARE CAPABLE OF THIS TRANSACTION,SO IS MY PARTNER.(BARRISTER THAMBO WILLIAMS)...

Posted: Sun Jul 25, 2004 4:17 am

Wow.

I was going to introduce the head game of the second Gruber brother and have them compete for the money. But my lad did it for me!

Quote:

IT IS MY OPINION THAT YOU ARE A BUSY MAN,WHO CANNOT MAKE SPECIAL SACRIFICES FOR THIS DEAL,IN THIS RESPECT I WILL PREFER DEALING WITH YOUR BROTHER HANS.

CONSIDERING THE FACT THAT SINCE WE STARTED COMMUINICATING I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO GET A PHONE CONVERSATION WITH YOU,I FEEL IT WILL BE BETTER WITH HANS SINCE I KNOW HE IS DEAF SO WE COULD WORK TOWARDS OTHER OPTIONS OF COMMUNICATING FAST.

NOW THAT BOTH OF YOU ARE AWARE OF THE DEAL,YOU JUST NEED TO ADVISE HIM ON THE USE OF HIS LANGUAGE,AND I THINK WE WILL REALLY GET ALONG FINE.

Ahhh...

I may have to bring in someone to play the good old professor.

Posted: Sun Jul 25, 2004 12:27 pm

I am from Norway and can help you out with some phone issues. I am an hell of an actor as well, so just give me a role in it and i will assist you. Can even be a secretary (male one) or even you yourself if you just give me an indication on how you want to progress. PM me if you need me

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