Wtf, with a *table*??? (Slightly NSFW)

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Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 8:17 pm

Quote:

BELLEVUE, OH -- Police say a man was arrested after admitting to, and being caught on DVD having sex with his picnic table repeatedly.

Investigators say they received a tip that Art Price Jr., 40, of 146 Brinker St. in Bellevue was having sex with a picnic table while outside on the deck. The incidents occurred between January and March 2008.
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http://www.wnwo.com/news/news_story.aspx?id=150083

Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 8:29 pm

Wow!

You know, I jokingly tell guys to go find a knothole, but I didn't think anyone would take that seriously! Laughing

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 27 Jan 2008 Posts: 589

wtf.

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Mar 2007 Posts: 2628

Quote:

Afterwards he cleans the table and the deck

Aw well ,that's alright then!

Makes a bit more sense than the man caught with a bicycle
BBC

Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 9:35 pm

Ahhem. Please do not bait as Art Price, Jr. That would just be wrong. But what was this guy thinking? Did he move up from night stands to coffee tables, dinner tables and then picnic tables?

Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 9:48 pm

^^^ You are absolutely right, CLG. Edited the thread title accordingly.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 14 Jul 2005 Posts: 41

Darn near as funny as the the guy out in California engaging in mutual acts with his lawnmower. Laughing

Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 10:28 pm

This only became a "crime" when the voyeuristic neighbor decided to keep watching and to videotape the proceedings several times. Otherwise who would have pressed charges, the table? In my opinion consenting adults (and furniture) should be able to do what they want in the privacy of their own home.

We can only hope our baiting drives lads to this type of desperation.

Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 10:32 pm

I think the point was that he and his beloved furniture were performing on the outside of their home.Still,to tape it several times speaks volumes about the neighbor.

Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 10:54 pm

Furniture porn, directed by visionary Davenport. Hrm... wonder if there is a market? Laughing

Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 11:05 pm

Ewwwwwww.... puke

He could at least do it with something that is alive.

Quote:

That would just be wrong. But what was this guy thinking?

Well he definitely wasn't thinking with the head that sits on his shoulders.

Baiting Guru Joined: 03 May 2007 Posts: 18313

There are just so many things wrong. And I can't stop laughing.

Foreplay:

Quote:

Price is seen naked and masturbating in the rear room near the open doorway; he then comes out to the deck.

Quote:

admitted to having sex with the table inside his home.

He sometimes drags the table inside? It must be special occasions like their anniversary.

I really can't stop laughing right now.

Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 12:56 am

The details getting lost in this are the open doorway, front porch, and nearby elementary school...

Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 1:03 am

Nanny Ogg wrote:

Makes a bit more sense than the man caught with a bicycle
BBC

And even that's not as Shocked

as the guy who was caught having relations with the pavement (and no, I'm not sure of the mechanics, either).

Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 1:09 am

Quote:

Afterwards he cleans the table and the deck.

I found that somehow comforting. Laughing

Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 1:19 am

It amazes me how people can commit such acts. Shocked

Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 1:43 am

There is only one thing that concerns me about this story.

Splinters. crying

Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 1:49 am

^^^^ @ sheboppe

For a truly educational experience you should talk with a longtime ER staffer.

IMHO Beavis & Buthead was a documentary.

Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 1:51 am

Quote:

with a *table*???

This brings a whole new meaning to the phrase, 'morning wood"!

Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 2:04 am

I'm guessing it was one of cheap nasty splinter-free plastic tables. As you can see they come suitably, er, "equipped"...

I'll never be able to look under a table cloth while keeping a straight face again.

Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 2:20 am

Quote:

The incidents occurred between January and March 2008

The ads claim he should see a Doctor if the woodie lasts more than 4 hours.. Laughing

Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 6:16 am

the usually very urbane Tsnerd wrote:

Darn near as funny as the the guy out in California engaging in mutual acts with his lawnmower. Laughing

Mutual? With a lawnmower? Shocked

Tell me, is it really a lot less bovver with a hover? Shocked

Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 10:05 am

I new a bloke at the pub who would bring up the legalities about sex with vegetables.
I never asked him to elaborate Confused

Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 11:32 am

I heard after this came out... the china cabinet filed for devorce on the ground of infadelity

Not quite a Newb Joined: 14 Jul 2005 Posts: 41

^

Lovely Eight wrote:

Mutual? With a lawnmower?

I clearly misspoke. I meant consens...no, that isn't right. Oh, similar. That's the word. Very Happy

Off to look up 'Urbane' ...dang British people, and their hoity-toity words ending in 'e'.

Lovelier Ima wrote:

It must be special occasions like their anniversary.

Picturing that conversation:

"Hi, table. We've been together seven years, and ever since I first saw you at Home Depot, I knew that you were the table for me. Tonight, I have something special planned. Listen, remember that thing, you know, the one I told you about...my secret thought? Well, table, I'd like you to meet sofa."

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