High Anxiety

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Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 1:36 pm

Dr K0ffi Co11ins is a worried man. had lawyer issues and told him:

Quote:

Is it my fault that most of the lawyers in that firm are limp-wristed girlie-men? I asked one if he'd been briefed on the task ahead, and he cut me off; the other one snapped like a yard dog when I politely cc'd him on a message to Mrs Aj0vi. Talk about bad attitudes!
Well, fortunately Mr G0mer has proved to be more reasonable. He's promised to see it through; once he's sent the invoice I can get this paid up, the papers are signed and we're good to go.
So stop being such a worry wart. It's gorram annoying!

So the Lad writes back (in lower case, oddly enough):

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Who is Mr G0mer? And what invoice are you talking of.Please elaborate for me what you mean.I am telling you that we may be asked to pay for the dhl that they will send to you for you to sign.That is why i am asking that you will haelp me to foot any bill that will come our way this time around.
I dont know whether it will be big or small money.So you have to help me so that we will get this done.You can ask Mrs Ajovi to tell you the cost so that you will help me to pay them so that they will send the documents across to you.
It is only this signing that is delaying the transfer.Please be polite in asking her as your words are not that good. If you cannot aford all the money you can send them half as soon as you return the documents through dhl they will transfer the money to your nominated account,then you can deduct the balance from there to pay them.
Try fast and send mail to mrs Aj0vi then you get back to me.I suppose that because of your words they are relunctant to fasten our transaction.please try to corrige it.

Then he follows up a little later (I was interstate and out of touch for a few days):

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HOW ARE YOU?I HOPE ALL IS WELL WITH YOU.I AM STILL WAITING FOR YOUR RESPONSE TO MY LAST MAIL TO KNOW HOW WE CAN ACHIEVE THIS.

My replies are (in order):

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Mr G0mer is the lawyer that finally came to the party - and he sent me the invoice I asked for! So I remitted the courier fee last Thursday - but on the way back from the bank I had an accident; fell down an escalator and broke my collar-bone. I was feeling very dizzy and feverish, so the doctor sent me to hospital for tests. Seems that my inner ear is infected - so I had to be treated at once and only got out today. Nothing more from Mr G0mer but he did warn me that getting the stuff shipped would take a while to set up.
Anyhoo - you can stop bellyaching because things are under way, and I won't have to schmooze that silly cow J0y Aj0vi any more.

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What the hell is this about? I told you what had happened! I don't need you to go to pieces on me, so stop writing me unless you've actually got something to tell me.

He wasn't happy:

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IT IS A RELIABLE SOLUTION THAT I WANT US TO HAVE WITH ECOWAS.I TOLD YOU THAT YOUR WORDS MIGHT HAVE BEEN THE CAUSE TO THE DELAYS AND NEGLIGENCE FROM THOSE CONCERNED.YOU KNOW THAT I HAVE INVESTED SO MUCH ON THIS AND I AM LOOKING FORWARD IN ACCOMPLISHING IT THAT IS WHY I AM PERTURBING YOU AS YOU REACTED IN YOUR MAIL.
WE NEED TO GET THIS DONE SO THAT I WILL RECUPERATE THE MONEY THAT I HAVE INVESTED IN THIS.HELP ME ONCE MORE TO ASK MRS JOY ALL THAT IT WILL TAKE TO GET THE DOCUMENTS SENT TO YOU PLEASE.I NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE IN CASE IF THEIR WILL BE MONETARY INVOLVEMENT.
I AM WAITING FOR YOUR RESPONSE AND WITH INTENTION THAT YOU CAN ASSIST ME IN FINANCING ANY UPCOMING FEES.DO NOT BE RELUCTANT NOW WE ARE ON THE VERGE OF FINISHING THIS.I BLAME YOU FOR YOUR CALLOUS WORDS

Callous? Just you wait...

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Did you buy your doctorate? It's a fair bet that you didn't get it honestly because you're a gorram idiot! I told you just yesterday that the documents were paid for and would be delivered soon, and you seem to have totally missed that.
You've been so keen on telling me that everything that goes wrong is my fault even as you try to hit me up for cash - well, that's not how to treat your buddy. When it comes to being callous, I can learn from you.

Confusion sets in.

Quote:

WHO PAID FOR THE DOCUMENTS THAT YOU SAID?THAT IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO FIGURE OUT FROM YOU.LAST TIME YOU TOLD ME SOMEBODY IS TAKING CARE OF IT.I REQUESTED TO KNOW BUT YOU REBUFFED ME.
THIS IS NOT GOOD.EVEN IF I AM TRYING TO HIT YOU UP WITH CASH YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO BRIEF ME STEP BY STEP ON WHAT IS GOING ON.TRY TO CLARIFY ME ON WHO IS HAS PAID FOR THE DOCUMENTS AS YOU SAID.

I'd been writing to the bank Lad(ette) but it seems "she" isn't really involved at the moment.

Time for a slap:

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Who the hell do you think paid for the gorram documents – Barack Obama? I did, of course! Holy snapping duckshit, you really should think things over before you hit the send button.
I told you a couple of messages back that Mr G0mer from L1berty Chambers is going to sign the documents. FYI, the reason I haven't given you step by step briefings is because you couldn't micro-manage a lemonade stand. How you could be chairman of anything is one of life's mysteries.

This is the latest and, dare I say it, his funniest to date (emphasis added):

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YOU STILL HAVE NOT EXPLAINED WELL FOR ME.WHO IS MR G0MER THAT HAVE PAID FOR THE DOCUMENTS AS YOU SAID.PLEASE EXPLAIN EVEN FURTHER.I AM BEGINING TO SUSPECT YOU NOW.YOU HAVE FAILED TO GIVE ME BIT BY BIT OF WHAT IS GOING ON.
MAKE SURE THAT YOU ARE NOT PLANNING TO TAKE THIS MONEY AWAY WITHOUT MY CONSENT.IT IS NOT GOOD OF YOU IF YOU ARE PLANNING THAT WAY.ALL THE MONEY I SPENT I SENT ALL FOR YOU TO SEE.THE BRIBES THAT I MADE TO GET THE TRANSACTION UP TO THIS STAGE I DID NOT PUT THAT.
I AM JUST TRYING TO GET THIS DONE SO THAT WE ARE GOING TO SHARE IT AS PROPOSED.TRY AND BE SPECUFIC AND STRAIGHT FORWARD TO ME.YOU ARE TALKING ALSO OF A LAWYER FIRM.I DONT KNOW WHERE YOU GET THE NAMES THAT YOU ARE GIVING ME.L1BERTY CHAMBERS,MR GORAM BARRACK OBAMA AND WHAT HAVE YOU.
TRY AND GET THIS DONE AND STOP TELLING ME THIS COCK AND BULL STORY.IF YOU HAVE PAID FOR THE DOCUMENTS AS YOU PROCLAINED SEND ME THE TRANSACTION PAPER SO THAT I WILL FIGURE IT OUT HERE WITH THEM.THAT IS THE ONLY REASON THAT I AM HERE TO MONITOR AND MAKE SURE THEY TRANSFER THE MONEY TO YOUR ACCOUNT SO THAT I WILL RESIGN AND COME OVER THERE FOR THE SHARING.

Staying cool:

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I don't know if you're being serious or you're several parts drunk or stoned. Either way you can't get some simple facts into your head. Try to clear your head and read this s-l-o-w-l-y.
Mr G0mer is the lawyer from Liberty Chambers, the law firm recommended by J0y Aj0vi from ECOWAS. He didn't pay for the documents - I did. He's supposed to contact J0y Aj0vi about the papers but either he hasn't, or she didn't give them up to him. I haven't heard from either of them since yesterday.
As for talking about me taking away the money - we have a deal, Dr Collins, and I don't break deals. Be very careful about what you say or your words may fall into the self-fulfilling prophecy category. If you keep on this path, and break the deal, then all bets are off. Don't piss me off! Are we clear?
And as for "THE BRIBES THAT I MADE TO GET THE TRANSACTION UP TO THIS STAGE I DID NOT PUT THAT" - if you don't me to read something, then don't gorram well write it!
Oh yeah - Barack Obama is the African-American guy who's probably going to be the next President of the USA. I was using his name sarcastically.
Final thing - "STOP TELLING ME THIS COCK AND BULL STORY" - bad move, that. Read what I said before. I don't like chair-polishing dickheads putting shit on me. When you've served your country as I served mine, fighting and bleeding for it, then you can maybe look me in the eye. Until then, you don't EVER talk to me like that! Do we have an understanding?
I've cc'd Mr G0mer on this, so maybe you can ask him (on my behalf) what's taking so long.
Now think on all that I've said.

More to come, I'm sure...

Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 2:07 pm

to the naughty step with him

Posted: Sat Jun 21, 2008 3:02 am

The latest from our dumbo doc:

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MAY BE I AM MISTAKING, IF THE MR. G0MER HAS NOT CONTACTED THEM MAY BE THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG, PLEASE SEND ME THE PHONE NUMBER OF THIS G0MER.
PLEASE SEND ME THE PHONE NUMBER SO THAT I WILL CHECK IT OUT ON MONDAY, PUT YOURSELF IN MY SHOES YOU WILL FEEL THE SAME WAY BECAUSE THE PEOPLE I BORROWED MONEY FROM ARE ON ME.
I AM WAITING FOR YOUR RESPONSE.

"THE MR G0MER" - well, there can be only one!

Also - his creditors are after him - it's one of those things that you wish could be true!

Posted: Sat Jun 21, 2008 3:18 am

I suspect that "Mr. Gomer" can come up with a telephone number for your lad. Laughing

Posted: Sat Jun 21, 2008 3:13 pm

I stumped up a couple of phone numbers (actually two other Lads in the bait) and said, "Maybe they'll put you through."

Doc Duh-brain wasn't best pleased:

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THE TWO NUMBERS YOU GAVE ME DID NOT CONFORM WITH MR G0MER AS YOU SAID.THE TWO ARE FOR D UD0YE AND DICKS0N.GIVE ME MR G0MERS NUMBER SO THAT I WILL CALL HIM AND KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IS GOING ON.
YOU KNOW THAT I AM BLAMING YOU ALL THESE WHILE AND THE NAME MR G0MER DO NOT CORRESPOND TO THE MAIL MRS JOY GAVE YOU.CHECK WELL AND FORWARD THE NUMBER TO ME.MAY BE YOU ARE IN THE HANDS OF THE WRONG PERSON.

Oddly enough - Mal Reynolds wasn't happy either:

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You are plumbing new depths of idiocy! I NEVER said those numbers were for Mr G0mer, but for colleagues of his - B0ateng and Ud0ye. I suppose it never occurred to you to actually ask those two bozos for his number, did it?
In any event, I didn't get G0mer's details from J0y Aj0vi - he contacted me. I guess he must have found the details lying around at L1berty Chambers. I give him kudos for initiative because no-one else was doing a gorram thing!
And as I don't have G0mer's number, why don't you email him and ask for details? It takes no gorram effort and might actually achieve something! Did you get your doctorate out of a cereal box? You sure as hell didn't get it through brainworking.

At times it feels better to insult the Lads without actually swearing.

Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 12:38 am

The latest:

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YOU ARE NOT BEING TOO LENIENT WITH ME.WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO DISCLOSE THE MAN IN THE PICTURE MR G0MER TO ME.YOU SAID THAT YOU HAVE PAID HIM FOR THE DOCUMENTS.I DEMANDED HOW MUCH YOU PAID HIM BUT YOU REFUSED TO TELL ME.
WHY?IS THAT HOW WE ARE GOING TO BE PARTNERS IN BUSINESS.YOU ARE MAKING ME TO DOUBT YOUR CAPABILITIES.WHO THE HELL IS THIS MR GOMER.ALSO WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO GIVE ME A CLEAR PICTURE OF WHAT IS GOING ON.
I WANT TO TELL YOU NOW THAT THE MR G0MER YOU ARE SAYING I DON'T KNOW HIM AND IF YOU HAVE PAID FOR ANYTHING AS YOU ARE CLAIMING YOU ARE DOING IT ON YOUR OWN RISK.WHY CANT YOU UNDERSTAND A SIMPLE THING.
BE SPECIFIC TO ME SO THAT WE ARE GOING TO KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THIS.YOUR DELAY AND SAUCY WORDS ARE ENDAGERING THIS OUR TRANSACTION.BE A MAN WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS BEATING ABOUT THE BUSH.TRY AND CHANGE YOUR COMPORTMENT.
EXPECTING TO HAVE A BIRDS EYE VIEW OF WHAT IS GOING ON.

I couldn't let that one pass!

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I don't do lenient without a reason. You've been behaving like a total bonehead for some time now. Let's take some examples.
"WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO DISCLOSE THE MAN IN THE PICTURE MR G0MER TO ME." There is no picture. I have no idea where you got this idea from.
"I DEMANDED HOW MUCH YOU PAID HIM BUT YOU REFUSED TO TELL ME." Actually you never asked me. For the record, it was $1200 for his legal fee - annoying, but since no one else wanted the job, I didn't have a choice!
"THE MR G0MER YOU ARE SAYING I DON'T KNOW HIM" - well, duh. Do you know everyone in Accra? Since he's not your lawyer, maybe that's the reason you don't know him. As they say over here - do try and keep up skippy!
"IF YOU HAVE PAID FOR ANYTHING AS YOU ARE CLAIMING YOU ARE DOING IT ON YOUR OWN RISK." Well, since you cried poor at this stage, who else is going to pay the expenses? For the love of Pete, just think a little - it ain't that hard!
"WHY CANT YOU UNDERSTAND A SIMPLE THING." Oh, the CHUTZPAH!
"BE A MAN WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS BEATING ABOUT THE BUSH.TRY AND CHANGE YOUR COMPORTMENT." Listen, buddy - I don't think some lard-assed semi-fag like you, who never stood to post for his country, has the right to tell me to be a man! And since I'm the one actually DOING stuff to get this deal done, you have even more chutzpah!
OK - since you have such a hard-on for Mr G0mer's number - he quoted one in his footer. I missed that before now. It's xxxx xxx xxxx xxx. Since you have issues with email, why don't you call him? It might open your gorram eyes!

More to come - I hope!

Baiting Guru Joined: 29 Jan 2008 Posts: 2531 Location: AU

Yastreb wrote:

I stumped up a couple of phone numbers (actually two other Lads in the bait) and said, "Maybe they'll put you through."

.

would you like a phone number of a lad who is pretending to be mr gomer.

Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 1:37 am

Hmm - I supplied one (courtesy of GomerPyle), but maybe a second wouldn't hurt. Please PM.

Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 5:11 am

Yastreb, I simply love reading your slaps... violence and poetry combined!

Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 9:17 pm

Oops - he's even less happy and slapping back!

Quote:

YOU CAN SEE THAT YOU ARE THE LARD ASSED BLOCK HEAD, THE NUMBER YOU GAVE FOR THE MR. G0MER IS NOT A GHANA NUMBER, GHANA COUNTRY CODE IS 233 AND NOT 234. SO CHECK IF YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT A BLOCK HEAD.
GO AND CHECK AND CONFIRM TO ME, YOU SAID YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON RUNNING ARROUND FOR THIS, DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I INVESTED IN IT, THE PEOPLE I BROOWED MONEY FROM ARE AFTER ME THAT IS WHY I AM ALWAYS ASKING YOU TO CHECK WHAT YOU HAVE DONE.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU PAID A LAWYER TO DO SOMETHING FOR US, THAT WAS WHAT YOU BIG HEAD FRIEND SAID, WHAT HAS THE LAWYER DONE SINCE YOU PAID TILL NOW? HAVE YOU CONFIRMED FROM ECOWAS IF THEY RECEIVED THE LAWYER YOU PAID? I NEED ANSWERS TO THIS BECAUSE I AM SUSPECTING FOUL PLAY IN THIS WHOLE THING, YOU ARE MY EYES IN THIS DEAL AND YOU WANT TO RUN ME DOWN BY HIDING THE INFORMATION FROM ME, NOTE THAT THE MONEY IS IN YOUR NAME THOUGH I DO NOT HAVE ANY LEGAL RIGHT TO FIGHT IFYOU TAKE ALL THE MONEY BUT MIND YOU I AM GOING TO REPORT YOU TO THE HIGHEST COURT WHICH IS IN HEAVEN.
PLEASE WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THE DEAL I TRUSTED WITH YOU?

If the highest court still follows the commandment "Thou shalt not steal," then I can't see his report going too far!

My reply was fairly mild:

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Now I'm pissed off at you and Gomer. This thing has gone to Hell in a handbasket and no mistake.
For starters - how am I supposed to know the codes for every country? I don't even use the phone, you numbskull! Perhaps you might want to tell me what country uses 234.
Let me ask you this. If, as you're implying, Gomer is a fake, from another country, then tell me how I can possibly benefit. The money won't move without my signatures, or those of my proxies, on the forms. I can't take the money and run if I don't receive it in the first place. So I can't be deceiving you in this unless I'm also deceiving myself, which is just stupid. But then you are a complete idiot, which is why you conjured up this scenario.
Someone, somewhere, screwed the pooch bigtime, and it wasn't me.

I'm hoping that the third paragraph will drive him nuts.

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 27 Jan 2008 Posts: 589

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THE PEOPLE I BROOWED MONEY FROM ARE AFTER ME THAT IS WHY I AM ALWAYS ASKING YOU TO CHECK WHAT YOU HAVE DONE.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU PAID A LAWYER TO DO SOMETHING FOR US,

I am not surprised broowing money from people is a very serious offence Shocked