Bristol Zoo Bait [With Sound pg.5]

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Posted: Sat Dec 09, 2006 11:46 am

I think he didn't understand that under "Bad habits" he was supposed to enter his own. He obviously states what he thinks is a bad habit of others - he is honesty incarnated, of course.

Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2006 5:02 pm

I think we've lost him. Crying or Very sad

Twas fun while it lasted.

Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2006 5:57 pm

^^^^^ may be there is still a glimmer of hope HC

On Friday Super Sexy Tracey wrote

Quote:

Hey Peter

I got yer mail yesterday, that was soooo cool, you got your own site as well !!!!!! How do you do that ???? I want one as well ...... pleeeese tell me how you did it cuz i'm not too good with that kind of thing. (Pretty please)

yer photo's made me feel a lot better thx vey much XXXXXX You sure look a good looking guy. I bet you got loads of gurlfriends running after you. I got another picture to send to U, you want me to send it to yr private address (the Myself one ?) ....I don't want to keep bothering you at work ..... let me know and I'll send it.

Hey ...I was just thinking !!! ..good job I haven't got a web cam here 'cuz I,m just siting here eating my lunch on a plate just wearing my pajama top !!!!!!! LOL

Any way got to go and wash in the shower right now before I nip down to the shops for something to eat for supper ... don't know what to get just yet.

Don't forget to tell me which addie to send the pickki to .....Love From Tracey XXX

Peter ... being a man of few works , after all that writing to penguins replied on Saturday

Quote:

Dear Tracey,
Thanks for your mail. You can send the pictures this mail box. Do you beleieve that l am still single and looking for a wife.
So what did you eat yesterday.
Prince

Super Sexy Tracey will test the ice-man again on Monday ...for what it;s worth she needs to ask a few more open questions and find another of her teasing photos to send ....I'll show you mine if you show me yours !!

Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2006 6:01 pm

I've just had a little brain wave. What if, the Pen-O-Trans-O-Tron has been massively improved, and Jimmy can now write emails in complete and understandable english, and he decides to be a sexy secretary, who being mischevious, then forwards a few of the emails to Super Sexy Tracy, who then makes Peter send some grovelling apologies.

Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2006 6:22 pm

That sounds good to me HC ..... get the duck, sorry, Penguin, to start writing better lines without Andy Pandy's knowledge

But not too complete and understandable.

Note .. Super Sexy Tracey is at home on her Yahoo address at the moment

Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 11:02 am

Well, thanks to the improvements in the Pen-O-Trans-O-Tron, Jimmy can now benefit from his improved verbosity. Things are not going well at the penguin research institute:

Chilly Jimmy wrote:

Why Hello Peter Smith,

Andy has upgraded the Pen-O-Trans-O-Tron, and so I have much improved english capable. He is very stressed, because I kill many penguin, only the males. Next year all the males will be my progeny. Anyway, I think you should do all that Andy asks, as he is somewhat upset at the moment, and although eventually, I will kill him, and make this part of the research agency my own, I do not want to spend any more time in the electric shock chamber.

Regards

Chilly Jimmy

Andy is not having such a great time unfortunately.

Andy Pandy wrote:

WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU, MR SMITH!!! MY EXPERIMENT IS GOING TO POT AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE YOU CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO ANSWER MY FUCKING EMAILS. JIMMY KILLED A PENGUIN TODAY, I'M LOSING WHAT LITTLE HAIR I HAVE THROUGH STRESS, AND ALL THE WHILE YOU ARE CHATTING UP FUCKING TRACY HACKMAN!!! IF YOU CANNOT MEET THE REQUIREMENTS OF THIS EXPERIMENT THEN PLEASE LET ME KNOW SO THAT WE CAN FIND SOMEONE ELSE. IF NOT, THEN GET YOUR FUCKING ACT TOGETHER. REPLY TO THIS EMAIL IMMEDIATELY, AND START TALKING TO JIMMY, AND USE THE FUCKING WORD LIST!!! WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, GET THE FUCKING CONTRACT RETURNED AND THE INTELLIGENCE TEST, BEFORE I TRACK YOUR PATHETIC ASS DOWN AND THROW YOU IN THE FUCKING ELECTRIC SHOCK CHAMBER WITH JIMMY!!!

I HOPE, FOR YOUR SAKE, THAT I HEAR FROM YOU SOON!

Funnily enough, as I was writing this post, Peter got back to me.

Peter Smith wrote:

Dear Andy,
Just tell me exactly what you want me to do and l will do it. But you have to exempt me on sundays you know l dont have a private computer and offices are closed him on Sunday.

Peter

To which Andy replies:

Andy Pandy wrote:

I can exempt you on sundays, but you haven't emailed me or jimmy for quite some time. I would like you to complete the contract I sent you, as after all you wanted some assurance that you would get your money, and now you've got it. Please just read my previous emails. Also, I have been trying to get Jimmy to complete an IQ test, and so far have failed. As he has built up a liking for you, I was hoping that you could complete the IQ test, and tell him your score, to encourage his competeive spirit. Hopefully that will result in the completion of the test. He has killed a number of penguins since you stopped emailing him. Please keep him happy, I do not want to put him in the electric shock chamber again.

To summarise, read my previous emails, which you obviously have not been doing, complete the forms I have sent you, and keep in touch with Jimmy.

Things are unfolding in real time at the moment. Peter has sent jimmy an email.

Peter Smith wrote:

[color=blue]Dear Chilly,

How are you l am happy you have upgradedd the Pen O Trans O Tron. You Englis is good is like you have improved so much and l think you are going to be my very good friend.
I like everything about you but please don't kill okay.

To which Jimmy replied:

Chilly Jimmy wrote:

Dear Peter,

Very well, I will not kill any one. I notice, now that the Pen-O-Trans-O-Tron has been upgraded that your spelling is off. This is why I had such great difficulty understanding you before. I must say, it is a great relief hearing from you again, without you I just get bored, and well, you know, start killing things. You will be pleased to know, that the first eggs have been laid. Within a year, all the male penguins will be from me. How are you and your family?

Regards

Your Chilly Friend

Jimmy

Looks like this bait is back on track. Very Happy

Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 11:38 am

Pure genius Laughing

419Eater is my life Joined: 19 Sep 2006 Posts: 416

"This is baiting of the highest order. A masterclass." The New Baitsman

Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 12:16 pm

^^^^^^ Things do seem to be back on track ...... after the last short note that Peter sent to Super Sexy Tracey she gives him a mild slap

Quote:

Peter ...you know? you made me even more sad Sad

I was looking forward to reading yer letter, and I thought U were goin' to tell me about setting up a web site for me and every thing !!!! and all you did was to tell me where to send my pictures and what did I have to eat !!1 That's no way to treat a lady.
Hey ..I just thought ...... you could make one of those web site things like you got 4 me and I could tell you what to put on it ... how does that sound.

I feel silly sending my pikkies to this mail addie cuz it's your work addie and anyone can see it .... anyway .... can I use the other addie ? I,m feeling a bit better now but I want you to write back and cheer me up a bit

Love from Tracey.

......... PS ....... I just found a regular kind of pickki 4 U, just for now ..and maybe I'll send U a better one if you can be a good boy

Well about five minutes later Peter replies:-

Quote:

Hello,

Am Sorry, You can send the picture to my private mail box [email protected]
To enable me open that website for you l willl require from you full datas and a a password you will like to use.
I am begining to get close to you l hope this lead us to some where better. I will send you about five picture on wednessday please send the pictures you want to use for the site and send the reserved one to my private mail box.

Prince

So ..it looks like he's going to set up Super Sexy Tracey her very own web-site, with her own pictures ....but she has got to send the "reserved" picture to his private mail box !!!! Embarassed

I got some ex-Vlad pictures to get his heart beating !!!!

Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 12:21 pm

I just imagined that in fact Penguines are much smarter and more intelligent then humans, so after the little handicap of no real language skills has been lifted, it may well be that Jimmy hacks into Pentagon, Nasa, Russion atomar submarines, etc. Just for the fun of it. And to get rid of his master with a small portion of Polonium.

Well, I guess I just had a dream. Disregard it Wink

Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 5:56 pm

I simly just love what you are doing to this MUGU. keep up the excellent work.

Ask for a picture of the mugu holding a sign that says I love Pinguines Laughing

Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 8:15 pm

@spotthepot,

"So what did you eat yesterday"?
Wasn't it a question for penguins?
I think that Peter is becoming insane...

Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 8:24 pm

Bhwaaaaaa !! I didn't notice that ^^ JJ Laughing

Perhaps he'll start sending chat-up lines to Chilly Jimmy next !

Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 10:05 pm

Absolutely marvelous!! Very Happy

Now all there is to do is get YW involved and send this mugu to Antarctica to meet with some penguins in the wild!!

Keep up the good work!

Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 10:17 pm

Love that Elephant House in the pic! Keep em' going!

Trophy Videos · Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 2:55 am

You really did it now! Every time I see a penquin from now on for the rest of my life, I'm going to think of Chilly Jimmy!! hehehe Laughing

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 28 Oct 2004 Posts: 1

I was somewhat disappointed about Jimmy's improved English capabilities. Somehow his messages made me think that at some point he would start relaying some super-intelligence in the style of

Quote:

ALL THESE WORLDS ARE YOURS EXCEPT EUROPA
ATTEMPT NO LANDING THERE

After all, with all this global warming going on, Europa just might be the place for a penguin to migrate to... with a "THANKS FOR ALL THE FISH" final message to humanity.

Btw, Peter was actually pretty good at explaining "homogenous"... I was surprised...

Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 6:32 am

"ALL YOUR MUGU AND OGA ARE BELONG TO US!"
RESPOND
Don't get Jimmy mad! Laughing

Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 10:58 am

HuckFinn wrote:

Btw, Peter was actually pretty good at explaining "homogenous"... I was surprised...

I suspect he copied and pasted the defenition from a web site. He didn't use words that Jimmy could understand, then. Now he speaks perfect english!

HuckFinn wrote:

I was somewhat disappointed about Jimmy's improved English capabilities.

I think Peter was getting a bit frustrated with replies like:

Chilly Jimmy wrote:

WORDS NOT IN LEXICON
PLEASE RESPOND

Peter seems a little confused as to which sex of penguin lay eggs.

Peter Smith wrote:

Dear Chilly,

I promise l wont let you bored again and please don't go killing more Pengium okay. My family is okay and everybody is fine. I will be writing you every day okay.
How many eggs have you laid l hope you will lay more eggs. Please be a good friend and promise me you will stay out of trouble.

Jimmy clarifies the situation for him.

Chilly Jimmy wrote:

Dear Peter,

Good, good. I won't go killing any more penguins now. Most of the males are dead anyway. I am glad your family is fine, although I would like to point out that as I am a male penguin, I do not lay eggs. It is the females in the flock that are laying the eggs, and the reason that they are laying the eggs is because, to use a colloquialism I "banged em". I heard Andy talking about some expense forms that you need to fill out. I want you to get everything that you deserve, so please do everything he asks of you, for me.

Regards

Chilly Jimmy

Hopefully Jimmy's requests will encourage Peter to fill out the forms he sent out, but just in case, another wee slappy.

Andy Pandy wrote:

Dear Peter

Can you please get the forms I sent to you filled out? I'm sure you're capable of writing more than one email at a time, and to be quite honest I am getting FED UP of your lack of replies. It seems that unless I write something abuseive in caps, you just ignore it, and if you continue, this just cannot continue. Might I remeber your worries about your money, and you asked for a contract. You got it, and yet I haven't recieved the completed contract. You also complain about expenses, you have an expenses form to fill out, so that you can be credited with your expense. I also want that IQ test finished.

Please get all of these sorted out and send them to me TODAY!

Regards

--
Andy Pandy
(Head of Penguin Intelligence - Bristol Zoo Research Department)

Hopefully we'll see some forms soon. The sooner he gets these done, the sooner I can start pushing him for pictures and penguin recordings.

Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 11:29 am

^^^^^^

remember that while the females lay the eggs, the males help a lot in breeding. And that is because, to use a colloquialism I "Marriage stinks, have a kid. Kid stinks, have another kid". Marriage is like insurance. You pay and pay but you never get anything back.

Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 2:15 pm

Ok ...let me take a name check, just to make sure we are all here:

Andy Pandy [tick]
Chilly Jimmy [tick]
Super Sexy Tracey [tick]
Sir Mike [tick]
Peter Smith [tick]
Andy The Elephant ??????

Andy the Elephant is feeling a bit left out here ...so decides to take matters into his own feet ...he is getting worried about the whereabouts of Super Sexy Tracey ....he wold normally make a Trunk Call but decides to use e-mail instead

Quote:

PETER WE NEVER MET BEFORE I AM ANDY THE ELEPHANT

WHERE IS MISS TRACEY? SHE GIVE ME YOR MAIL ID SHE GONE ... I MISS HER ...WHERE SHE ?

I GOT NEW BIG KEYBORD AND THREE BUNS GOOD

RESPOND

ANDY ELEPHANT

Elephant Intelligence - Bristol Zoo Research Department
This e-mail message is confidential and for use by the addressee only. If the message is received by anyone other than the addressee, please return the message to the sender but read it first to see if there are any juicy bits in it and then delete the message from your computer. Internet e-mails are not necessarily secure.

(should I have masked the face of the elephant just in case anyone recognises him ? )

Peter Smith replies to the elephant

Quote:

My dear Andy Elephant,

Thanks reading your mail. It is very nice to read a mail for an elephant so how are you today.I like the picture you sent l will send mine soon.
It is also long l heard from tracey l learn she is sick and maybe at home.
Are you male or female and do you have children?

Peters

Sir Mike Expat VD and scar ...should be back from is drunken debacle any time now.. only to find that Peter Smith hasn't been doing any Elephant Intelligence Reseach at all.

Master Baiter Joined: 14 May 2006 Posts: 139

This might be useful for when you refer to Peter in future.

http://www.neatorama.com/2006/12/11/whats-the-difference-idiot-vs-moron/#respond

Or perhaps he's just a tad gullible.

Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 4:39 pm

if you ever need a rat to rat on him ... Very Happy

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

About time that Andy showed up. Are you going to have Andy get caught up in a trunk box scam?

(I slay me!)

This is, without a doubt, the most bizarre bait I've ever seen. What is Andy going to be like? You've already got one homicidal character, so I'd sweeten Andy up. Maybe you could have Andy be afraid of everything in the world, and your mugu has to comfort and reassure him. Andy has a real hard time posting, as when he comes out of his elephant shelter he tends to get quite frightened by his shadow. Andy could be a complete and total wuss.

Nice work!

Posted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 11:34 am

Imagine his keyboard full of elefant dung same as my keyboard is full of coffee and junk food ...

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