38 missed, I'm retiring from phone baits need a replacement!

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Posted: Tue Jul 25, 2006 8:58 pm

Here's another one for you Heywood,

Quote:

Most Exalted Mister Barrister
may the almighty Allah, Jehova and Zeus be with us.
With the utmost dedication and care I have been pursuing to establish telephonic contact with your exalted self. Most regrettably this marvel of technological achievemnt know as the telephonic apparautus is consistently letting me down. No sooner than I have enumerated the fourth numeral does it make the most unappealing and ungraceful beeping sound.
Under the prevailing circumstance I would humbly suggest to your Exhumed Self that you may try to establish telephonic connection with me on the herebelow described numeral: .
The telephonic apparatus heretowhich the above numeral is ascribed to resides at the property of my most inebriated second cousin Wayward.
My cousin is by the norm honored by my presence every evening between the times of 19:00 and 23:00 Central Utopian Time.

With the greatest Respect

Joshua always writes (and probably speaks) in this convoluted way. Well actually this is one of the clearest and shortest email he aver wrote.

In slightly less obscure language:
Mugu Barrister is trying to call my character but for some reason no one is answerin theLine. So Joshua gives him the number of his cousing , where he spends most of his evenings.

BTW, Joshua's profession is a 'Voyeuristic Spiritualist' - the mugu/s didn't seem to find anything odd about that

I've had this bait for about two weeks. I'm not quite sure what it is all about except that I will be getting lots of money (or was it diamonds?)

The curious thing is that he reads through all the crap I write and seems to understand it, which probably makes him cleverer than I am as I usually cannot make sense of what I wrtoe to him if I look back at it after a few days. Laughing

So that's three of my pets looking forward to speaking to you. Let me know if you want more or less mugu calls and I'll (try to) comply. Smile

Posted: Wed Jul 26, 2006 10:29 am

hey i already won the coca cola lottery - don't steal my prize! I tried the scrooge 1TV5 on that guy, he knows its a fake, but bait him hard

last night i had a lovely chat with someone from johnphones, looking to speak with someone whos name i didn't catch, anyway he said the order is in place and could I WU $850 for the phones and to say that due to hackers he had to change to [email protected], aww one of you shut down his email! ha

also a woman called whos english was so bad i couldn't get her name, so i suggested she went forth and multiplied (fucked off)

The owner of barrister keno might want to console him, he phoned and said sorry for not phoning sooner i replied, too bloody right, i have been waiting with a big bag of cash to western union to him and he can't even be bothered to call, i don't like having all the money round the house and it bothered me a lot, i have a mind to cancel the deal unless he apologises on email. - so watch your email who ever owns him.

no word on other lads but i had 3 missed calls whilst in the pub

Posted: Wed Jul 26, 2006 2:10 pm

Hope you don't mind but my ladette (or it could be a lad) has your number.

As a bit of background my character is an odd German and has flown to Scotland to watch the football tonight. He/she/whatever claims to be in London but I seriously doubt that.
I'm sure (s)he would appreciate some random German words like
Achtung, bratwurst, Borussia Monchengladbach, Oktoberfest, Beethoven etc or you could just abuse the smegger Cool

She is already familiar with the imaginary words knobshaften, hindlich and cocksucken.

Upshot of it is that I want to get the shit to stand outside Porter's restaurant next Monday.

Posted: Wed Jul 26, 2006 2:58 pm

You could ask them if they like

da poppen mit da hund (or schwine)

not perfect (or even good) german, but who cares.

poppen=bavarian for shagging. hund/dog, schwine/pig.

Posted: Wed Jul 26, 2006 7:57 pm

@usm,

speaking to him now, you are safe, 100% he will get your money back for you, he sounds trustworthy to me, i think he is a really nice bloke, not!!!!!!

anyway you are supposed to pay a swift transfer to his account for some shit or other, he will email a confirm.

Posted: Wed Jul 26, 2006 9:24 pm

Quote:

last night i had a lovely chat with someone from johnphones, looking to speak with someone whos name i didn't catch, anyway he said the order is in place and could I WU $850 for the phones and to say that due to hackers he had to change to , aww one of you shut down his email! ha

Hahaha, one of my phone lads (and yes, I'm the one who had his previous addy shut down as well)! Funny, he yet hasn't sent the new email addy to /my character/ (you are, btw, the proud father of a ditzy teenage girl named F4y3 D4hl who constantly messes up your family's attempts to purchase expensive mobiles)...

Thanks heaps, daddy H3ywood!

EDITED to add character's name. EDITED again to note that I mailed the address you provided asking if it was him and apologizing about dad, seeing as he is hard of hearing and was probably drunk...oops, delivery failure. Guess I'll wait for the remail.

Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2006 8:21 am

Mod Edit: Full requote of previous post removed.

so you need to close his new email, and then he will phone me back with the new new email, i'll be highly suspicious of these evil hackers and ask him what kind of business he is running Razz

Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2006 11:48 am

@haywood_jablowmi,

Thanks a million - I have decided to annoy him & tell him I don't trust him anymore because he is being too pushy, I even had the cheek to tell him he wasn't a <i>"God fearing man"</i>
I have also re-introduced the guys that I lost the original money too - saying they can help get the money back......next time he calls is there any chance you could call him all sorts of names, tell him you spoke to Jesus & Jesus told you not to trust him?

Thanks again

Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2006 1:50 pm

no problem, jesus 'sent me an email' and warned me the dangers of the risky free man. lots of abuse will be followed by a request for a detailed essay on why i should trust him of no less than two pages.

Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2006 7:23 pm

@Heywood,
no news of any of my pets yet Crying or Very sad

They seem to have gone very quiet on email as well Confused

I was wondering if you could help me with another one as well. I have this character who is going to arrive in [somehwere] Sunday morning with a suitcase full of cash which he shall use to claim some millions of inheritance or something of the sort.

It would be fantastic if my pet could call him at each stage of the trip to make sure he is well on his way, and even to arrange meeting him at the airport. Especially cool would be if I could confirm that they are actually waiting at the airport.

I'll PM you some more details in a moment to avoid using too much space here.

Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2006 11:09 pm

tom bello has been on again asking if i have made the payment, i told him i have been busy all day but i will do it tomorrow when i have finished with my other deals

some rude fecker called about an Ipod order, he ws very rude i told him to fuck off and hung up, he called back and accused me of not being a serious business man, i said of course i am but you have appologise on email or no payment.

sorry forgot his name (been boozing)

Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 12:44 am

@haywood: iPod guy could have been mine, but I'm not sure - one of my phonelads was being pushy, so your daughter told him that the family was out for dinner and a show, but to call you if it was important. By the way, she tells them all that you're almost deaf, and asks them to speak LOUDLY and clearly. I hope he complied. Very Happy

Thanks! Keep up the great work!

EDITed for spelling

Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 12:58 am

Do you know what it cost the lads per minute from Nigeria? .. Shocked

Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 8:41 am

no but if they are on for more than a say five mins they get cut off and have to buy a new phonecard Smile

then call back and get abused when i say what kind of serious business man has a phone that needs credit.

my flextel number is around 45p per min in the uk, so i imagine a lot more from overseas.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 21 Jul 2006 Posts: 28

I got my first scammer reply today, and am baiting as one 4lbert K4holic, a fine art dealer in the UK. Mr. Chun6 with D0UYUAN Ch3m. C0. wasted no time asking for my "imformations". I went ahead and gave him your number Heywood. I am not expecting him to call yet, but who knows...

EDIT: A few minutes after I replied with my information, I received an e-mail from the W.H.0 F1NANC1AL GR4NTS ALL0CATI0N UN1T in which I won GBP 500,000! I know that this is connected to the Ch3m C0 scam because they had information that I had only given to Mr. Chun6. I replied with how happy I was to have been selected....we'll see.

Posted: Mon Jul 31, 2006 8:13 am

tom bello called back said i wasn't a serious business man because i hadn't made the payment, i told him i was but i didn't trust him, how do i know the man in the ID photo is really him. I was about to say if you take a photo with a fish on your head.... when he said if i am serious make the payment if not go away.

so he needs an email slap big time.

Posted: Mon Jul 31, 2006 8:30 am

@Haywood

No news of any of my pets Question

I'm so disappointed with them - what a bunch of unreliable fools I've adopted Crying or Very sad

Let's just hope that my welcome party at J'oburg airprot had a good time this morning - who knows maybe they're still there and you may yet get a call.

This is the first time I'm getting mugus to call - is it normal that they fail to call or are my mugus particularly unreliable?

Posted: Mon Jul 31, 2006 9:43 am

@kryton, all quiet on your pets, suggest larger beating stick to spur them on? 'I have the money waiting, just call me to discuss' usually works.

Posted: Mon Jul 31, 2006 3:01 pm

You may get a call from a Prince Mado Christopher, who wants to tell more about the modalities of getting the consignment from the security company. He may mention the 999 offer if you ask him what the call is about.

In the past, I've pretended to work for a company called xxx Pro-Lease (where xxx is the name of a town/city/county), a property leasing and management company, and given them the phone number of xxx's police station. The lads tend to get a bit confused when someone answers the phone saying "Surrey Police" which sounds very much like Surrey Pro-Lease and they ask for legal aid. They have in the past spent quite a while on the phone as they get shunted around different police departments. In this bait I'm using Grampian Pro Lease, but couldn't find a non 0845 type number for them.

Keep up the excelent work!

Terzo

Posted: Mon Jul 31, 2006 3:34 pm

not knocking you, but i prefer to waste their time myself and not trouble the police, they are too busy stopping real crime like people driving 31mph in a 30mph zone Wink

i'll be on the look out for him though

Posted: Mon Jul 31, 2006 8:04 pm

Haywood

I've just given the Diamond Company a good trashing (post at top of this page) in Joshua's convoluted unintelligible language. If they manage to read through it you might get a call.

In short, they asked for $375 processing fee (a true bargain) and my character absent mindedly sent $3750 in cash by post to theirt offices. He then asked them to send back the excess amount when they receive it.

They obviously didn't read or understand tha mail and instead of answering just wrote a very long and patronising email telling me I have to payt $375 banghead

It would seem they need some strong verbal abuse to get them to their senses. boxer

PS: about the Johannesburg pets - I'm going to let them stew a few days then slap them up for not showing up at the airport

Posted: Mon Jul 31, 2006 9:03 pm

kryton, i am willing him to call, i can tell you want him tormented Smile

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 19 Jul 2006 Posts: 6

I've been pimping your number to my phone guys and a couple of mugus. Expect some calls asking for Dave Lister. I'm slightly derranged in my emails so doesn't matter if you are weird on the phone.

Incidentally I think you spoke to Harvey as he was very impressed and now he thinks i'm going to wire lots of money for phones to him!

Posted: Tue Aug 01, 2006 7:09 am

yes i remember a harvey, but last night was a dissappointment, not one single call Sad

not even my long term pets last night Sad

i think its the end of the month so any mugu who had a job (oh the irony) would be out spending his wages on skank ho's

Posted: Tue Aug 01, 2006 5:50 pm

Haywood,
I have yet another pet for you.
My Character 3L0 H3SRA is Italian and speaks quite broken English (I have quite a collection of Italian characters)

I just told my pet (part of a much longer email):

Quote:

Telephone number you say is not correct. I don undersatand what is no correct with. Perhaps only is reach from America I don know about such thing.

So I shall give other number is stalactite phone with UK try also maybe this work. But not only I am this phone use, so must ask for me and make sure you speak to I before say something of about this deal. Is number like so:
+ 4x4ax 7 0 1 7 0 2x2a4x1x9

But I am thinking must problem with yours phone because often does ring and I talk on my phone, especial the number of america spending many hour each day making the deals. Please to try perhaps call from pubic telephone or other place.

If you feel like getting a bit more into the story:

At this point I'm messing around with him and being apologetic, preparing him for a good slap when he least expects it. Of course that might even happen when he calls you
Twisted Evil

I'm also trying to get the mugu B1L1 4C0LI to call CH3R at the 'monsterary'. CH3R is now running out of money and he's now requesting that she sends her last 350 Euro (and he will put in the remaining 1650). ANyway that needen't interest you much because Monk Fartabummer has very poor hearing and will have great difficulty in understanding who he wants to talk to. It would however help if he let it be known how worried and distressed she has been lately.

Now for something a bit more technical. I am staring toi think that some of my mugus were being honest ( Shocked

) when they said they couldn't get through. I know becuse I put them troughh the H0ff line and a 'christian music' line before offering them your treatment and they describe quite correctly what they hear. With your number they either it is always busy or doesn't ring.

Anyway I tried to do a little research into WTF a flextel number is ( I am into telephones but had never heard of that Embarassed

). After figuring it out I realise that it is unlikley to work if called from low cost VOIP and similar services. That apparently includes many mobile phone companies in AFrica. I won't go into detail here as it will take up much forum space.
Anyway, what it might mean is that they need to use a 'real' telephone to call. That is why I have also told my mugu to use the 'pubic phone' puke

Let me know if you'd like to do a little experiment. I could try calling you through a normal international carrier and through a VOIP one and also tell you how much each cost.

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