Victims of love scams.

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Posted: Thu Mar 23, 2006 2:06 am

As eater is primarily a baiting site, the mods and baiters here are not professional counselors. Although our members may be able to provide the assistance you require, you are welcome to visit our sister site www.scamwarners.com for guidance and further assistance.

If you have been scammed, usually the first concern is; "How do I go about getting my money back?"

Unfortunately this is not possible for the following reason:

Establishing the identity of the scammer is extremely difficult.
Scammers tend to use fake names, id's and more often than not, operate out of internet cafes, which makes it almost impossible to track them down.

BEWARE:
Scammers will often try to rescam you using a different name. with offers of helping you retrieve your money. Inevitably there will a "fee" attached to getting your money back.

If you're thinking you may be dealing with a scammer, do some work or ask for hel:

Google the persons name, and email address.
Google the letters, or parts of letters. (Strange sentences, phrases, mis-spellings, etc.)
Google any CHAT or Messenger ID they may use.
Google any dating site ID they use.
(Many use the same ID on MANY dating sites. Your Natasha123 may be on 20-30 dating sites, same pictures, maybe slightly different profile!)
Learn how to check email headers, or ask for help.
(One Filipina scammer I was in touch with claimed to be working in another country, but her emails still came from Manila. It will also help with the Nigerian scammers who pose as 'ladies'.)

These people use the internet as the venue for scamming people. They'll also leave a trail of evidence or clues on the 'net. Look for them!

Posted: Fri May 01, 2009 8:08 pm

Most victims, due to shame and embarassment, won't come forward. Well, I will. Luckily, I have some friends that clued me in on what was going on before I got to the sending money and presents part. Of course, I'm also on a strict budget and I think the guy backed off when I kept telling him that.

I met him on okcupid. His profile is great. Almost angry about "players". In fact, this guy on the profile might have been real. But, I'm pretty sure the guy on the profile is not the guy I was communicating with.

He speaks well and chats ok, but was too quick to declare his "love" and never really answered questions. But he had a son, he was divorced and working road construction down in Nigeria. He'd be back in the states in a week or two.

I may be a good hearted blonde, but I'm also a pragmatic person. I see more than I let on. This guy never did tell me why he was 51 years old, a stone cold yummy, and hadn't been dating. When I told him I was cautious, he complimented me. But he never told me any real information about himself nor did he seem very interested in me or my life.

Now some guys are reticent and pulling info from them is like finding hen's teeth, but this guy was...well, my radar was raised. So I talked to a friend who had been scammed and together we decided my guy was a scammer too, he just hadn't had time to hook me yet.

The sad part is that now he has my pics. It ticks me off for two reasons. 1) I'm an honest person. It really bothers me that my picture may be used to scam someone else
2) Not that I'm desparate, but if someone out there really likes my looks and thinks he's falling for me, I'm mad cause I won't be meeting him.

Okay, so...I might not be a baiter, but I'm willing to reveal what I've been through to protect others.

Posted: Sat May 02, 2009 12:23 am

Hi Not So Blonde

Welcome to Eater

I am sorry you have been put through the emotional pain of being targeted by a love scammer, from everything you have told me I would have to say that it was the case.

If you like I can work with you to find evidence of the scam but I would also like to show you how you can make it much more difficult for him to scam somebody else.

Having your photos in his hands is unfortunate, but there is nothing you can do about it unless you want to post them all over the net yourself with photos used by scammer written all over them.

But I dont suggest that either.

We do have another site geared up for helping victims of scams www.scamwarners.com, they can answer any questions and help you to find evidence but they can also make sure the scammers details are posted for others to find with your help.

For now, even if you are not going to bait scammers, the Romance baiting FAQ (link in my signature line) will give you a lot of useful advice on spotting scammers and may be well worth the read

If you do have any more questions please feel free to ask

Not quite a Newb Joined: 04 May 2009 Posts: 22

i'm so ashamed of falling for such freud, i was introdused to him for marriage, he fooled me and i sent him money, i don't know how can i get my money back, please help me.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 04 May 2009 Posts: 22

i also sent him my pictures, i was so convinced he was not a liar, i usually don't believe in people easily but i don't know how this happened to me, i wish i spoke to someone before sending him the money, i only saw the signs of his lies after sending him the money unfortunately

Posted: Mon May 04, 2009 4:16 pm

^^^No need to be ashamed and I'm so glad you found us.

Sorry to tell you that you won't get your money back. Sad

Please read stickies, apply for a mentor and be safe.

Btw, I would love for you to change your eater name. Wink

Not quite a Newb Joined: 04 May 2009 Posts: 22

thank you for your reply, please tell me how can i apply for a mentor and were can i find stickies.
many thanks.
i stll think i'm so stupid

Posted: Mon May 04, 2009 4:24 pm

For a mentor:
http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=122306

Stickies are at the top of each forum and we also have a sister site for victims.
http://www.scamwarners.com/

You are not stupid and I refuse to call you that. If you PM a mod,
they will change it for you. Wink

Posted: Mon May 04, 2009 6:55 pm

It is not stupid to fall for a romance scam. The romance scammers are very smooth operators, and they prey on the victims' loneliness, generrosity, and willingness to give others the benefit of the doubt. They "groom" their victims carefully. Some even study psychology to learn how to get their victims to believe in them and go along with their story.

You are not stupid. You are merely a victim. The scammers actually count on you to feel that falling for a scam is stupid. Don't give him the victory. He has some of your money. Don't give him your self-respect as well.

And please ask a mod to change your user name - it doesn't fit you. After all, you found us, didn't you? Very Happy

Posted: Mon May 04, 2009 7:16 pm

Right

Do take into account that the criminals are to blame, and not the decent people they rob and steal from! Unfortunately, they are good at what they do (they do nothing else). Sigh. On a daily basis Sad

Posted: Tue May 05, 2009 10:57 pm

Rising, YOU GO GIRL! happy crowd

Posted: Tue May 05, 2009 11:15 pm

Rising hey, that sounds so much better

Welcome to the romance department,

I think its best to take a bit of a look around to get a feel for the way we work, we do have lots of fun but there is also a very serious side to what we do.

The stcikies will get you started nicely, especially the love baiting FAQ (link in my siggy line) which was put together by a group of romance baiters who do spend a lot of time wasting the time of scammers and helping victims of love scams in various ways.

If you have any questions please dont hesitate to ask,

a few tips, take you time, be patient with learning new skills, have fun, and ask as many questions as you need to, collectively we have a huge amount of experience and we are only to happy to pass it on

Not quite a Newb Joined: 04 May 2009 Posts: 22

Hi,
I was going through the forum and noticed that I did not acknowledge those of you who replied to my message.
Corona,
Titania,
FrumpyBB,
Murry Guru,

Thank you for your replies and supportive words, I've been through tough time last 2 weeks thats why my brain wasn't functioning the way it should be.

Best regards
Rising

Posted: Sat May 16, 2009 3:59 am

We are just happy you now know how to avoid scams in the future.

There will always be a place here for you if you get time to come back and bait with us and always time to answer a question or 2 if you ever have any.

What ever you choose, good luck and take care Wink

Not quite a Newb Joined: 29 May 2009 Posts: 59

All victims of Scammers ... we need to come forward.

I am a smart cookie. I am not easily fooled...or so I thought.

It is good to talk about it.

Anything that seems too good to be true...IT IS.

As my Pastor preached last week. 'IF SOMETHING COMES TO YOU TOO EASILY, IT MAY NOT BE SO GOOD...CHECK AGAIN'

I have noticed this to be true regarding houses up for sale, jobs, groceries...and people.

With my scammer who never did ask for money, the motivation was difficult to assess. I think he may just have enjoyed confusing me. But he obviously knew about the Romance Scam game. His mails could have been templates of the ones I read here and elsewhere.

Went on for 6 months. He never did ask for money. But each month he became more and more controlling. 'I want to marry you, you dont drink do you'?

Then one day, it was like someone threw a bucket of icewater into my face to wake me up. What the heck was going on? Did this person care about me? Really?

No, we need to come forward. This website is great.

Posted: Mon Jun 08, 2009 9:36 am

Hi Agnes

Have you still got the emails and conversations from your scammer?

ScamWarners collects these 'modalities' for their archives and in doing so help potential vicitms cut lose from the wretched thieves before too much damage has been done.

I posted mine there, and now enjoy baiting, it is a great healer.

DW

Posted: Mon Jun 08, 2009 10:01 am

@DW
It turns out that Agnes' scammer is not a scammer, or at least we have no proof of it, we do not have any evidence or even suggestion that he has ever asked anybody to send him money, he also used his real name, real address and real occupation details were given

It wasn't a scam

Posted: Mon Jun 08, 2009 11:42 am

Well that was good news, except that he seemed to be a control freak, and bad news for any red-blooded woman!

419Eater is my life Joined: 30 May 2009 Posts: 299

Murry Guru wrote:

Rising hey, that sounds so much better

Now I can't help wonder what the former name was.

Posted: Tue Jun 23, 2009 9:19 am

Hi Ray, I have sent you a PM to explain,

the new name is so much more appropriate Wink

Not quite a Newb Joined: 04 May 2009 Posts: 22

Thanks Murray, I was going to send it as a reply to the message but I guess its better through a PM.

Rising

Posted: Fri Jul 03, 2009 7:39 pm

I'm quite new to this forum, have been reading alot and learning SOOO much.
Had a recent attempt to scam me. But he didn't get any money. He started the plea and demand but he didn't get it.

I spend my money on myself or family, not on someone I don't know.
And my best friend said he should be sending ME money, as much as he said he made, if it was a true romance going on, but obviously it wasn't.

Anyway, I have just enjoyed reading everything that I can.
I've set up an email addy to try to scam the "lad" back, as you call them here, I'm trying to get familar with all the lingo in this operation. lol
I may not get a response because right after the scam I reported him to yahoo as a scammer and they may have taken down his email address. I don't know. NOW, after coming here, I realize I shouldn't do that. It won't happen again, I assure you. Like someone said here, it is better to keep track of them and know what they're up to instead of not knowing.

After the scam I joined a group on yahoo for "romancescams" and they do not advocate scambaiting. But I've been reading and learning here, and with the support of this forum, I feel it could be successful and keep the scammers busy so they're not truly scamming someone who doesn't know. Like I was in the dark at one time.

So on to somewhere else to read more information. I'm learning!

Posted: Fri Jul 03, 2009 8:03 pm

Quote:

I reported him to yahoo as a scammer and they may have taken down his email address.

Their reply to me was to put it mildly unhelpful, if anyone has had sucess with them I'd love to know! Rolling Eyes

Baiting is a social service undertaken by public spirited individuals (and groups). That it is also great fun is purely coincidental.

Wink

Posted: Fri Jul 03, 2009 10:40 pm

@scambuster2097, you've picked up a lot in your brief time here.

Welcome! Very Happy

Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 2:53 am

Welcome Scambuster

It is great to have you with us to join in the fight against scammers

We dont call it scamming them, I know other people refer to Baiting as scamming but the reality is tha twhat we do to them is NOT scamming, we do not receive money from them, we do not steal from them, we do however waste their time and resources to make them less effective.

I am guessing you have already read the romance baiting FAQ, if not you will find a link in my signature line, it will give you all the early information you need to safely bait them and to do your own bit of good

Feel free to ask any questions you have and please, tell your family and friends about what you have learnt.

We are far from the pimply teenage nerds living in our parents basements that we are portrayed as by some people out there who believe it is better to sit back and let scammers operate unhindered