One for the Firefly fans

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Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 1:52 am

I opened my uni email this afternoon, and when I saw a Chinese 419 letter (my first of any description for a while) in there I couldn't resist replying as the captain of Serenity. A perfect opportunity if ever there was one to try out all those Chinese swearwords from the show. We'll soon find out if Mr Fu and his proxy (read: sockpuppet) Peter Paul is as much of a sah-gwa as a lot of the scammers featured on this site. Smile

("Fool", or if you like "mugu".)

Quote:

[This company apparently exists from what I can determine, but the scammer clearly has nothing to do with them.]

Dear Prospective Representative,
You have be given a contract as the company representative in your region.I
am Mr. Fu, the Executive Director of a group of business Persons, from
Shanghai who deals on high quality technical ceramic products. we export
into America/Canada/Europe and Africa; my office with a sales officer is
presently based in London, England. Where he can easily reach out to
everyone and everybody can also reach out to him. This is because, alot of
people complain of not being able to make long distance call to Shanghai and
also we are contemplating on setting up a market in one of the European
countries.
Meanwhile, because of the heavy nature of business that we went through in
our last trade fair, alot of Credit is being owe our company ranging to the
tune of USD$56.5 million. This amount is owed us by individuals and co
operate bodies all over. This led us to searching for Representatives in
countries or near countries where we have Creditors owing from USD$45,000.
Whereby this Creditors can make payments through you to us.
Please, we would like you to consider this position we have offered to you,
by Representing us in your Region thereby transacting business between us
and the Creditors, we shall be very glad if this offered is considered by
you. We look forward to doing business with you, also please bear in mind
that you are only entitled to a 10% of any payment made through you to us
each time you receive payment from any of our Creditor.
For inquiry into this position, all correspondence should be addressed to
the sales office in London through the headman there, Mr Peter Paul, at

Yours Faithfully,
Mr.Fu
Executive Director

Standard reply (albeit in Firefly slang) for now, but stay tuned for more.

Quote:

Dear Mr Paul,
I've received your associate Mr Fu's proposal and it seem real good. Am the owner-operator of a small long-distance transport concern [very long-distance Laughing

] and always on the lookout for new business opportunities. Contact me with more info soon as possible. Thanks.

Malcolm Reynolds
Serenity Transportation Services

And what do you know? Guess they don't have Firefly in what an IP lookup reveals to be somewhere in Nigeria. (I'm thinking I'll confuse him when I start with the Chinese. Mr Fu my pi gu. Twisted Evil

)

Quote:

Dear Malcolm Reynolds,
How areyou today?I wish to know if you are still interseted in the
offer as the Company Represenatative officer in your region,
If yes,I will want you to respond to my previous mail to you or I will
consider your silence as the refusal of our offer.
I do hope you will respond to this mail promptly.

Very Respectfully
Peter paul
Sales Officer
Uk Office

A terse reply with a slight prod (if he can decipher it) for now.

Quote:

Ni how Mr Paul. Proposal looks mighty interesting as I said. Tell me that as needs doing. Make it quick cause we ain't hanging around this gorram dump for long.

Malcolm Reynolds
Serenity Transportation Services

So it goes.

Posted: Thu Dec 22, 2005 1:45 am

Quote:

Dear Malcolm Reynolds,

How are you today? Glad to have you to work and representative us in
your region. Our company (SHANGHAI MORGAN MATROC TECHNICAL CERAMICS
CO.,LTD.) Deals on high quality technical ceramic products such as
Precision Ceramics Ceramics sealing ring Grinding Media Nozzles
Ceramic Fixture Alumina Insulator for welding and heat-treatment Parts
in Alumina & Steatite Ceramic Components For Thermostats And Heating
Application for export into America/Canada/Europe and Africa.We
normally encounter problems when been paid,because it takes a while for
cheques to clear here in the Shanghai so this has prompted us to search
for a representative officer in that region who would stand on behalf of
my company.Presently,we are been owed over USD$56.5 million and the
Creditor in question has agreed to begin installmental payment.If you are
willing to assist,you would be paid 10% of the total sum you collect on
behalf of my company.
The way it works , you filled the below form and mail it to us,once the
Executive Director confrim and approved your appointment,I will inform
the company Creditor of your presence as the company representative in
his region and both of you, contacts will be exchange for correspondence
in order for him/her to make arrangemnet to make payment to you and My
office will instruct you on what to do once you have accepted as the
company representative A letter of authority will be issue to you so
that,you can demand for the company funds from our creditor in your
region.Every correspondence with the company creditor.You will update me
for further instructions.
The company will pay you 10% from the total sum collected from the
creditor based on instructions recieved from me and the balance will be
remit to us.
If we are able to build and sustain this business relationship(based on
trust of course), then the frequency of the money will definately
increase.
I would greatly appreciate it if you sent your complete contact details:

NAME IN FULL:................................
ADDRESS:.....................................
NATIONALITY:.................................
AGE:.........................................
SEX..........................................
COMPANY NAME & POSITION:..................................
MARITAL STATUS:..............................
ACTIVE MOBILE AND HOUSE PHONE.......................................
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ARRESTED OR JAILED?........
SCANNED IDENTIFICATION(e.g.driver lincen or international passport )

This is a safe measure to know exactly who we are dealing with. I would
pass it along to our customers and within a few days they would contact
you and perfect modalities of getting the payment across to you. I will
endeavour to contact you via the phone number you have provided before
then.
Thanks and hope this is the beginning of a mutually beneficial business
relationship.

Very Respectfully
Peter Paul

Reply to come tomorrow I hope, though the chances of him getting all his requested info are slim indeed. Twisted Evil

Posted: Thu Dec 22, 2005 6:59 pm

A good telephone number in this case is +1-250-419-666.
1-250 (er bai wu) is Mandarin Chinese for calling someone stupid.

But the chances of him knowing Mandarin... well, given he's really in Nigeria, no chance. Sad

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 18 Oct 2005 Posts: 8

How bout

1-800-cheap-buy

cheap buy = sounds like chee bye (hokkien word for pussy) Razz

And you can ask him whether he can be called Mr. Wan Ba Dan

Posted: Thu Dec 22, 2005 8:19 pm

Mod Edit: Full requote of previous post removed.

lmao! Laughing

Or how about "Mr Gunkai Tamade"? "Ni Hao Mr Gunkai Tamade"... Or something like that if I remember correctly. I won't repeat what it means, but it's not nice. Smile

My Chinese isn't good, I just learnt a few words from an ex-gf (well, she was more of a ji nu).

Posted: Thu Dec 22, 2005 8:37 pm

Shiny! Tell him he's fay-fay duh pee-yen!

Posted: Fri Dec 23, 2005 2:16 am

Cheers for all the suggestions! Very Happy

Most (actually, all) of the Firefly Chinese used thus far was culled from the back of the Serenity RPG, which contains quite an extensive vocabulary of rather colourful expressions I plan to use. (My favourite has to be "explosive diarrhoea of an elephant". Laughing

)

Quote:

Sure thing.

Details as requested: am Malcolm Reynolds, owner/operator, Serenity Transportation Services. Address is 42 Alby Avenue. Telephone +1-250-419-666.

Sheh sheh.

Mal

Thanks golmauk for the phone number. Yes, the omission of the actual geographical locality from the address was intentional. The street name was a bad pun recycled from, well, all my past baits.

Posted: Fri Dec 23, 2005 1:43 pm

It will be very funny if he buys the number. Wink

Maybe he will want to join your crew... any interesting initiation required? Evil or Very Mad

Posted: Wed Jan 04, 2006 3:46 pm

Let me guess - will that initiation involve a goat? Or maybe more than one??
Twisted Evil

Posted: Wed Jan 04, 2006 9:51 pm

Why not... these lads seem to love them so much for an unknown reason. Shocked

Or perhaps impregnation by an Alien? An orgy with Klingons? Assimilation by the Borg? Ah... slipped into sci-fi world for a moment. Back to reality...

Posted: Thu Jan 05, 2006 11:28 pm

After a bit of prodding, Mal finally got this out of the sah-gwa.

Quote:

Dear Malcolm Reynolds,
Thank you for your mail.I have a problem with your telephone number,you
gave to me.I have try it several time to call you but it seem it,the degit
are not correct so i will want you to send me a correct nos to reach you
before i can direct our creditor to you.

Very Respectfully
Peter paul
Sales Officer
Uk Office

What a surprise. Twisted Evil

Time to direct him to my UK office, as he seems to be here.

Quote:

Gorram piece of le se phone line. Might want to try the UK office on (0161) 496 0419. Also save you cost of an international phone call.

Gou shi.

Mal

The greeting doesn't mean "yours sincerely" or anything like that, but "dog excreta", because I've just been watching the episode on which it gets used. Laughing

Posted: Fri Jan 06, 2006 12:08 pm

You might find this useful:

http://fireflychinese.home.att.net/phrase1.html

Jing-tsai! Laughing